All of the Stars
by ProfessorFerrars3256
Summary: Years into adulthood, Hermione Granger faces personal heartbreak and must learn to heal old wounds and find those responsible for the horrific acts. Juxtaposition of past events and current tell the tale. Warning- character deaths EWE SS/HG Reformed Malfoys. Ignored the epilogue of DH
1. Chapter 1

**_Author's Note:5/13/19 I am going through and doing major updates, fixing some plot holes and generally tidying up the story._**

 ** _So it's been a while. I have several stories in progress, but this one is finished and it is editing mode. I am definitely working on, "It's Quiet Uptown". Unfortunately, some personal grief had kept me from writing, but also inspired this deeply troubling but ultimately rewarding story I apologize in advance for the angst, but if you've read my other fics, you know it's just what I do. Also, scenes of motherhood, extreme grief, etc Please let me know what you think. Warning- character deaths. Also, anything in italics is from the past, indications of when it is happening are used, the sections from the past are supposed to help give background to events happening in the "present"._**

"If you write the same thing one more time I am charging you for the ink, Granger." Severus Snape's voice had changed little since he was a professor at Hogwarts, and Hermione's professor at that. She looked up from the document she was writing on the changing legal status of werewolves and sighed, her mind had been rambling for hours. Stretching her fingers and using her wand to procure a new document, she rubbed her abdomen where the newest Granger-Weasley creation was brewing, a girl they planned to call Winnie.

"Make fun all you want, I can't help it if I'm worried about my daughter leaving for school tomorrow. She's so unlike me; all she talks about is playing quidditch. How in the world did I give birth to a female Ron?" Laughing, she finally finished the documents and put them in a folder for Seamus Finnigan before swirling in her chair towards Severus as the tea that he ordered was delivered. If anyone had told her after the war that she'd eventually share an office and task force with her former professor, she wouldn't have believed them. Surely he wasn't so different from the man she'd known through adolescent eyes, but she saw bits and pieces of the man he could've been had he never joined Voldemort and become a death eater. He was thoughtful and kind, though he would rarely own up to it; there were moments while working with him that she wondered how some eligible witch hadn't snatched him up. He wasn't immediately handsome at first glance but over time his classic looks reminded her of mythology, of the Greek heroes she'd studied before going to Hogwarts. There were times, like this, when she got lost in thought just imagining how different life would be with him, which led immediately to guilt and an intense fear that he was reading her mind. Pouring her tea, he finally caught her attention again.

"You act as though she's somehow deficient in any way. At least she is more prepared for the experience than you were- perhaps she won't memorize Hogwarts; A History...good lord, has she already?" He jibbed, sneering at her with a slight smirk. Though it was hard for him to remember exactly what Hermione had been like as a young girl, he knew Rose was more like her mother than Hermione believed, and found her company far more tolerable than most of the children he encountered; at least Rose could play a decent game of chess and didn't feel the need to prattle on unnecessarily.

"I'll be in around ten tomorrow since we're driving with Arthur and Molly." Rolling her eyes, Snape knew not to tease her as she slowly lifted herself from the chair and straightened her back. She would've liked to apparate to the station instead of riding with Arthur who had difficulty driving in the best conditions, little alone a car full of adults and children of varying ages.

SSHGSSHG

 _(Hermione's final year at Hogwarts)_

 _Hermione Granger walked swiftly through the corridors of Hogwarts trying to make it to her potions practical before she was needed in the infirmary again. Although she'd started her studies soon after the war ended, giving little time to really deal with aftermath, she felt like she was faring well and contributing. Most of their classes took places in rooms that had been largely unused as the castle was rebuilt, but she didn't mind at all. Finishing her NEWTs with ten of her classmates and then the traditional seventh years had felt right, she'd even buried the hatchet with Draco Malfoy._

 _Opening the potions' classroom door, Hermione was shocked to find Severus Snape speaking with Professor Slughorn, Snape hadn't left the infirmary for more than a few days at a time since becoming more mobile after the final battle, and that had been with her previously. It was odd to see him moving around as though he was completely healed._

 _"Just who I needed to see, Miss Granger, your NEWT examination for potions has been set for the thirtieth, so you will be free of potions first." Her breath caught, it seemed too soon, she wasn't ready to leave Hogwarts, her friends, to face the world without the comfort of familiar surroundings now that her parent's house was destroyed. She knew it was the beginning of the end; with the first NEWT exam taken, she'd have nine more and then she would leave._

 _"Oh, good. I'll just go then." She immediately fled and only hours later did she reemerge in the infirmary where Snape and Madam Pomfrey were talking about a new restorative potion. She couldn't meet his gaze nor hers, she'd been crying for hours and it showed. Checking on the students and professors still convalescing, Hermione tried to push her pain away, to forget that under the many layers of clothing her body was a mess of jagged scars and the word 'mudblood' dripped anew most mornings. Lost in thought, she didn't notice Snape come to her side and then to ask her many questions before he finally became so exacerbated he forced her to look at him._

 _"Granger? Do you need a pain potion?" She winced, the pressure of his hand on her arm where the carved word was re-opened made her eyes water again._

 _"No, I'm fine and shouldn't you be resting? I need to change the bandages around the graft soon."She snapped, pulling her arm away and trying not to think of her pain._

 _"You forget to whom you are speaking."_

 _"And you forget you wouldn't be here at all without me, so I'll call that even. You are no longer my professor, but I guess I have you to thank for scheduling my NEWT early." She paused her spellwork and turned to face him, he was far less terrifying now that she'd seen him so vulnerable and though an amicable peace had been established, she recalled how nasty and caustic he could be when provoked. He was far less terrifying now that she'd saved his life, watched him shake in pain, entered his mind to speak with him to share their lives; yet, he still terrified more than any other person she knew._

 _"Why are you wasting away here when you could be living." She felt a surge of her magic, the gentle trickle of blood down her arm and then nothing, her mind went blank for a moment and then he finally noticed the blood. It piqued his curiosity; why was she bleeding? Had she been hurting herself?_

 _"I'm not wasting away; I'm finishing my education which is important to me. I will have to prove myself as a muggleborn witch for the rest of my life, I'd like more than what's written in the Daily Prophet to back me up." Pushing away from the desk where she had written several notes about the patients, she walked to the storage closet and took out fresh bandages, counting out the amount she would need for his neck and her arm, meticulously thinking of the fastest way to clean his wound and go to her rooms._

 _"Sit down." She quipped, standing before him and casting a numbing charm, several cleansing spells, and one moisturizing spell to help keep the skin from drying out. As she worked, she felt his eyes on her, watching her contort in pain as a fierce aftershock of the cruciatus curse moved through her. Spelling the bandages to stay in place, she practically ran from him and the infirmary down to the special rooms for returning seventh years. She didn't hear him follow, only found a small pain potion by her door thirty minutes after she'd cried herself hoarse. When she saw him the next morning, he didn't mention the potion and she didn't apologize. They continued as friends in most respects until the month before she left, well fled Hogwarts for Oxford; when she'd realized that he would always be a hateful man and she a bleeding heart for a cause. She ran to Ron, she buried herself in books, not knowing how desperately she'd fallen in love with her former professor until many years later._

SSHGSSHGSSHG

"Need a potion?" He asked as her face winced, lower back cramps had been plaguing her for weeks but she knew she still had an entire month of pregnancy before she would see her newest daughter. Shaking her head, she squeezed his hand and dipped down to kiss his cheek. While their relationship hadn't always been so cordial and close, she rather enjoyed this side of her colleague. When he wasn't trying to put her in her place, he was rather fun to be around, though every now and then she got the feeling that she irritated him more than he let on, it was moments such as those that Seamus unfortunately got the brunt of their personalities. Sometimes she forgot the other parts of Severus Snape that she'd known as an adolescent, but those times were few and far between; most of the time, she enjoyed his company so much she rarely worked without him.

"You always take such good care of me, Severus. I'll see you in the morning." And with that, she was gone. She preferred this working relationship to the one she'd had with Severus when she first joined his task force. He'd been incredibly and unfairly cruel, and she'd just had her second miscarriage, though she hadn't informed him of that until his incessant pestering finally drove her to tell him why she was reluctant to get involved in certain aspects of their research. It took a full year before they were easy friends and longer still before she considered him one of her best friends; she'd come to trust him with her life once more.

Walking to the floo, Hermione took some powder and arrived home in the townhouse she shared with Ron, her husband of thirteen years.

"Ron, are you home?" Hermione called out setting her bag down and waiting to hear him call out from the void of their home. Hearing both Ron and Rose, Hermione's mouth turned upwards, and she dusted off before finding her husband cooking dinner. Bending slightly, Ron kissed Hermione like they'd been apart for weeks, drying his hands on his pants, he wrapped his arms tightly around her, running his fingers up and down her spine.

"How are my girls today?" Stepping back slightly, he placed both hands on Hermione's belly and locked eyes with her; he'd adored Hermione for as long as he could remember, those amber eyes were chasms he got lost in every day, at least once he'd finally admitted it to himself.

"We are hungry and anxious. Is Rose packed?" Stomping feet made them both turn.

"I've been packed for weeks, Mum. Dad, have you seen August? I've looked everywhere but he's missing." Hermione took steps towards Rose, pointing to the window of the dining room where her stuffed cat was sitting on the table, looking as ratty as her other toys from childhood always had. Bright auburn and curly, Rose was every bit a Weasley. Tall, long-legged and pale, Rose looked more like her Aunt Ginny than Hermione, the only similarity was the curl of their hair.

"You'll miss me, won't you?" Hermione asked, pulling Rose into a tight hug.

"Of course I will and I want to be the first to see Winnie, after Dad, but before Granny and Grandma. They will see her all year while I'm away. " Rose planted a soft kiss on Hermione's cheek and ran off up the stairs to grab the rest of her items for school, leaving Hermione to stare and wonder how eleven years had passed so quickly.

"I still can't believe your father got that van. These aren't his first grandchildren going to Hogwarts." Hermione laughed as Ron pinched her bum, stirring the sauce for alfredo once more, transferring all the food to the comfy nook where they typically ate more often than not.

"You know how he is, he just wants us all together. Plus, Rose and Jamie are special to him, they're the ones who tinker with him the most." Kissing her softly once more, he pulled out her chair and they waited on Rose to come down so they could eat, all a tad melancholy that it was their last meal together for a while.

After dinner, all three sat together on the settee and watched a rerun of Graham Norton before retiring to bed, wherein they checked over Rose's trunk once more. Ron made sure to massage Hermione's lower back and then legs. There was a simple pleasure in knowing and loving someone so unconditionally, Hermione knew how lucky she was to have Ron. He wasn't perfect, he grated her nerves most of the time, but each time she'd been pregnant, he was attentive, kind, and took care of her as though she were the queen, even when things hadn't gone to plan, when they'd lost two children early in pregnancy, Hermione knew she could count on Ron for anything. She appreciated how kind he was, even when certain aspects of their relationship weren't always perfect.

Relaxed and almost asleep, Ron stuffed pillows around her, then played with her hair. He seemed to find an odd joy in twirling her curls, telling her he loved her and turning out the lights, every night like clockwork. Except this night, he'd lingered a while longer kissing her neck, tracing the memory of old habits, before they had Rose when their love was still new and they explored in the confines of the fourth floor of Grimmauld Place, in the room they still used when they stayed there. Turning in his arms the pillows flew away, and though took more effort than normal, Hermione pulled him closer, kissing him properly as her hormones were just as riotous as his, forcing her to practically beg for more, which wasn't typically her style. Taking charge, mostly because it was easier with her current body limitations, Hermione perched herself over him, caressing his face for a moment, then finding the hem of his pyjama pants, and easing one hand down. They rarely spoke, especially not when Rose was home, but as Hermione freed them both of the confines of their knickers and pants, Ron quickly cast a silencing spell because a moan omitted from Hermione that certainly would've woken their nervous eleven year old. it was moments as these that Hermione couldn't fathom loving her husband more, even if there were times they weren't perfectly suited, she knew that Ron would always be her sidekick, her biggest fan, and most importantly, the man who had chosen her.

The next morning in a hurry, they piled into the van as Arthur, Molly, Harry, Ginny, and the kids all talked of Hogwarts. Ginny was days from labor herself so she and Hermione lamented on their swollen feet and uncomfortable sleep. Albus complained about being squished between Rose and James, but everyone was quiet as they actually pulled into the station. It was bustling with people and the rare onslaught of trunks and creatures, all bound for a magical school in Scotland.

"You'll write? And make sure Jamie writes, too." Hermione held her daughter tight, soaking every second of that hug as she could knowing she would see her in a few weeks when Winnie was born, but still missing her as though she'd been gone for weeks.

"I will and you know he will, he can't wait to rub it in Alby's face that he's a first year on quidditch. We'll see, won't we James Potter. " Rose teased, giving her father a hug as well. Molly and Arthur saw Bill and Fleur's children off before making sure George and Angelina's made it as well. She didn't see Percy and Audrey's children, but they were often first left, so she didn't look too terribly hard for them. They were quite a sight, Hermione knew, all these Weasley grandchildren.

"Do you think they'll love it as much as we did?" Ginny asked, rubbing her stomach in copy of Hermione, worried about her eldest being gone.

"Surely, there's no dark lord trying to kill them." Harry joked, ruffling Albus' hair and placing an arm around Ginny as they watched the final students getting on the Hogwarts Express. Somehow it felt so different than when they were first years; these kids were going to Hogwarts during a time of peace and though there still existed some rivalry between the houses, it wasn't quite the same.

"We should get moving if we want to miss the traffic." Arthur interrupted, holding Molly's hand as they turned away, waving off their grandchildren. "We'll grab some lunch if everyone has time?" He added, smiling at them and for a moment Hermione felt like a child again, seeing Arthur's joy and feeling so included in his effervescence.

"I can't, unfortunately, paperwork and defense this afternoon. Snape'll hang me by my toenails." Hermione quipped, kissing Ron and walking to the apparition point beyond the station.

"Don't work too hard- I'll see you for dinner." Hermione stopped and looked at Ron, he seemed almost sad so she walked back to him and hugged him a second time, kissing him and trying not to think about her daughter already miles away from them.

"I love you, Mynee." She giggled, he hadn't called her that in years. Hand on her belly, Ron walked her over to the apparition point. "I love you more." Hermione replied and with another kiss, she was off to the Ministry.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

 _(Ron and Hermione before Rose was born)_

 _"Ron, I have a bit of a surprise for you." Ron rounded the corner of the hallway in their newly purchased townhouse and found his wife completely nude, resting on the chest at the end of their bed. Her scars were gone; she exuded confidence like someone who'd just won a prize and he couldn't believe she was there, like that, waiting for though they'd purchased their own home, they stayed with Harry and Ginny far more often than at their own home. It still felt incredibly lonely when they were at the townhouse._

 _"How is this possible?" He asked, dumbfounded and so attracted to her, he could barely contain himself._

 _"Lavender happened. She'd invented a charm that only needs to be renewed every six months. It covers everything you don't want visible. So...here I am." She stood slowly and walked to him, knowing how difficult it had been for him to look at her after the final battle, when their love was still new and their comfort still being tested. She remembered how he'd looked upon her in pity and disgust the first time they'd been together, how it had hurt her far more than she let on in the moment because she'd just wanted someone to need her and he did. It got better, of course, when like most couples together for long periods of time, he memorized her body in the dark, was able to replace her self-hatred, the constant worry that her physical appearance was such a huge problem for Ron, and that no man would want her, especially if Ron didn't. Although she never expressed how deeply he'd hurt her, it definitely affected their intimacy for years until she finally gave in and decided to use glamours to hide her scars so that she didn't feel she repulsed her husband._

 _"So, is this more pleasing, Mr. Weasley?" Her voice was low, her arms on her hips as she stood to give him a better view. For the first time she could recall, she felt attractive and desired._

 _"Pleasing doesn't cover it." With only a few steps, Hermione was in his arms, securely wrapped against him, his desire evident, further emboldening Hermione into action as she undressed him and forced him on the bed._

 _"I aim to please."_

SSHGSSHGSSHG

"Did you cry?" Seamus asked as soon as she walked into the office, taking her cloak off and smoothing her robes, feeling rather large navigating around their desks and rolling her eyes at Seamus before taking her seat and organizing her papers before sending an interoffice memo to Snape, wherever he was so they could make their eleven o'clock meeting with the small council of the Wizengamot for a preliminary hearing on their case. He finally sent her a short message back and she smirked, it felt like he was avoiding her, perhaps worried she was emotional and she knew he hated dealing with any emotion. She wrote back, 'I haven't cried, come to the office.' and he magically appeared a moment later with scones from the bakery around the corner.

"Lifesaver!" She exclaimed suddenly feeling her hunger.

"Don't be cheeky." His reply was terse but she could see the laughter in his eyes, begging her to jibe back, but instead she ate a scone and thought about the irony of her statement, as she had been the one to save him during the final battle. As quickly as the thought entered her brain, though, she pushed it away; remembering the blood and the gurgling of his attempts at speech made her stomach drop.

"Rose will be fine and you know she's a bloody Gryffindor, so you should remove that melancholy expression."

"I wasn't thinking of Rose, if you must know." Dusting off her robes and casting a charm to floss her teeth, Hermione stood with her papers and met Seamus at the door of their office, waiting to walk to lift. She met Severus' eye for a moment and with that one look, he understood that she'd been thinking of him and his near-death experience. She sighed heavily and walked with Seamus, hoping Rose was enjoying the train ride with her cousins and Ron wasn't too bored riding home with his parents, probably questioning him about Winnie's impending birth and what the plan was for Hermione's maternity leave. Since she'd quit working for a while after Rose was born, Molly assumed she would do the same again, but Ron planned to stay home this time as Hermione's career changed and it seemed that the Ministry was grooming her for position with more power and responsibilities. Although Molly thought it odd, Ron was really good with Rose and their nieces and nephews; Hermione loved them, but her patience was stretched thin when surrounded by all the Weasley grandchildren. Lost in thought as Seamus presented the initial findings of their case for thirty or so minutes, Hermione didn't even see Severus walk into the small council room, his face ashen, hands visibly shaking as he stepped towards her, stopping when Seamus saw him, and whispering to him before asking for adjournment.

"Why do we need to adjourn? I didn't even get to speak, Severus." Hermione pulled from his grasp as he gripped her elbow tightly, almost painfully, but she couldn't budge from his grip. Meeting his eyes as she tried again, she finally saw the pain in his eyes and what appeared to be the beginning of tears and it hit her, like the sting of crucio, something had happened, something was very wrong; Severus never cried or rather she'd only seen it once when he was dying and that image did nothing to calm her rising fear. Finally relenting, Hermione let him lead her from the room and to their offices, not saying a word, though as soon as they entered the lift, she saw Arthur's assistant crying and if for only a moment, she wished desperately that Snape would not tell her what had happened. Without another thought she buried her face in her hands, hiding her burgeoning tears from him; she never wanted to appear weak to Severus.

"Hermione, come here, I...we need to go to St. Mungos." Severus extended his hand, but Hermione refused to take it, instead she sat at her desk for a moment. "This is not a time to dally, we have to go now." The harshness of his voice shook her to the core, something terrible had happened, something she just wanted to avoid. She knew the looming anxiety was bad for the baby, so she tried to breathe but as though compelled by something otherworldly, Severus put his arms around her and lifted her to stand.

"Tell me, please, I don't want to go there if I don't know what to expect." Words weaker than she'd ever spoken left her lips. Was it Rose? Was it Ron and the family?

"There's been an accident, a lorry overturned...I don't know more than that, a note simply arrived from Albus Potter...we need to leave now." He held her tightly against him, both his arms around her shoulders as her tears dripped onto his frock coat. She felt all of her breath leave her as she almost passed out. In a flash, they were at St. Mungos, but Hermione was in a daze, as though her brain was trying to protect her and the baby, she didn't hear the commotion, the rapid movement of people in and around the emergency room, nor the healers telling her and Severus information about the Potters and Weasleys.

"Hermione, did you hear Healer Smythe? You need to go to Ron's room." Severus lifted her chin and saw, for the first time in ages, the girl he'd seen enter Hogwarts all those years before; her eyes were large, filled with tears and so much fear he couldn't stand to let her go. He helped her walk to Ron's room, finding him alone except for a healer in training, cleaning his face. For a moment, Hermione stopped, he looked completely normal, as though he were asleep, but she could see that there were only shallow vitals, so shallow she could barely register the tiny bleep of the heart monitor. Shaking Severus' arms off of her, she went immediately to his side and kissed his lips, smoothing his hair back and trying to see if there were any signs of life.

"Ron, please, I can't lose you...Rose needs you, I need you…" Her tears came in waves, dropping on his face but there was no reaction, he was simply there, barely breathing and completely unconscious. "Ron, I'm so sorry, I love you...I love you so much, please don't leave me." Lying against his chest, she heard a shallow heart beat, so few and far between she knew it was unlikely that her husband would survive. He looked fine, but when she looked over to the healer, she finally asked the question she didn't want to ask.

"What's happened?" The healer looked between Hermione and Severus, gauging what to say in the moment, knowing that another healer should be present.

"I will get Healer Smythe and we'll talk." The young healer in training left Hermione and Severus, but only for a moment as Hermione heard a screaming baby and looked to the door.

"Ginny?" It all hit her at once, everyone in the van would've been affected. It all became too much for her and she felt a wave of pain hit her, the same braxton hicks contractions she'd had with Rose, she knew the stress, fear, and sadness she was feeling was harmful for the baby, so she tried to breathe, to focus on Ron.

"Mrs. Weasley," "It's Granger," It felt such an insignificant thing to correct the woman before her, but Hermione was not thinking rationally.

"My apologies, your husband sustained severe internal injuries and blunt force trauma to the brain. I'm afraid there is no brain activity, the spells we put on him were to keep him comfortable to see if there was improvement and to allow you time." Hermione heard the words, but she couldn't register exactly what the healer was saying.

"Severus?" She reached for him, one hand still on Ron's cheek and the other in Severus', she cried so hard the bed shook. For his part, Severus didn't know what to do for her, he felt so far out of his element he could barely stand himself, watching his friend and colleague suffering so, feeling at a loss completely as to how to help her.

"Ms. Granger, your husband is in no pain, imagine that he's in a peaceful sleep." Hermione whipped her face towards the healer, anger topping all of her emotions before she heard the bleep of his heartbeat, slowing even more. He was slipping away.

"Rose? She's still on the train, she needs to say goodbye." She looked once more to Severus, but he shook his head. "It would be better for her to remember him as he was...she shouldn't see him like this, Hermione." Severus replied, thinking of his own mother's death and how watching her die changed him and the way he thought of her...he saw her final expression first whenever he chanced to think of his mother at all.

"Ron, please, I can't do this without you...I love you so very much, I'm sorry I was hard to live with, I never told you enough how much I love you...I'm sorry, Ron, I'm so sorry my career was more important than being home with you, with Rose...All the time I thought we'd have…there was never enough time and I asked you to stop being an auror, I'm sorry I took that from you but I was so scared. I didn't want to lose you and now I have, please, Ron, please don't leave me. I'm sorry I couldn't give more children, that we lost those boys, and you loved our Rose and I know you would've spoiled Winnie rotten...please forgive me, please don't leave me." She wiped her tears from his face, not cognizant of the room's inhabitants, it was just she and Ron for a moment. Closing her eyes, she remembered him from school, how his eyes lit up when they'd kissed the first time, how he'd been attentive to her for years, taking care of her and maturing more than she'd ever believed possible when they'd first married. Memories replayed over and over as her tears continued to fall, she continued to murmur how much she loved him, kissing his lips one final time, they were cold, he was cold, his heartbeat was becoming faint as she struggled to let him go. Finally remembering Severus was in the room, she turned to him, a broken woman and felt her vision blur.

"I can't do this…" Severus stepped closer to her, trying to help her take slower breaths, but he watched as she hyperventilated, lost her strength and fell against Ron, passing out from all the shock and stress. She awoke hours later in her own hospital bed, feeling heavily drugged and foggy, and noticed only that Severus was gone and so was Ron. There was pain, insurmountable pain and she blacked out again, her body giving in to the myriad of emotions and stress.

When Hermione woke the second time, she tried to understand her surroundings, but it all seemed too difficult to comprehend. She recognized the healer in training and tried to speak, the young woman walked over and offered her some water.

"Are you in pain?" The woman asked, Hermione finally registered that her name was Weston.

"Yes, what's happened? Where is Ron? Why am I here?" Hermione began to shake from the coolness of the room and shock, it was then she registered that she couldn't feel the baby moving. "My baby? What's happened?" Healer Weston stepped into the hallway for a moment and brought Severus into the room, Hermione immediately noticed he was wearing different clothes. He sat on the chair next to her bed and as she tried to face him, she felt the pain of what she assumed was falling.

"Is he gone?" She asked, tears falling as though there was an endless supply, and he nodded. "My baby?" She felt empty, the roundness of her belly somehow completely gone and replaced with a flabby nothingness. Without a word, Severus stood and pulled a curtain back, showing Hermione a cot where a tiny, redheaded baby, so much smaller than Rose had been was sleeping.

"She's small but very well considering. They said she will need to stay for a few weeks until her lungs are functioning better, but I can get the healer if you'd like to hold her." Severus motioned to the door, but Hermione didn't want him to leave just yet, she felt him the only normalcy for the moment and didn't want him to leave.

"Please, just tell me everything, I need to know what happened." He pinched the bridge of his nose and felt the weight of the everything, the deaths, the crash, having to tell someone he admired so much the terrible news. He recalled her pleading from the day before, how she'd laid bare her soul to her dying husband and he didn't want to contribute to that pain.

"Hermione, I really don't think now is the best time...there is some paperwork I need to bring you and we can speak then. Right now, you should rest and I'll get the healer so you can hold your daughter." But as he finished his sentence, Healer Smythe walked in with another baby.

"She doesn't know yet, she's only just woken." Severus snapped, pointing towards the door. His raised voice and caustic words scared Hermione, she couldn't process the scene or even fathom for a moment why the healer was carrying another baby into the room.

"It is my legal duty to bring her this child, Master Snape, as I told you earlier. She must assume responsibility as soon as possible." Hermione looked between them, raising herself up as the healer placed the baby in her arms.

"Ginny?" Hermione questioned Severus, he knew what she was asking as the baby was placed in her arms. She had red hair, darker than Ginny's but lighter than Ron's.

"Mr. and Mrs. Potter's will was read this morning, they named you and your former husband as guardians of their children should anything happen. Albus Arthur Potter is currently in the care of his uncle George Weasley, but as soon as you are well he will be your responsibility, as well as James Sirius Potter and this little one, Lily Luna." Blinking rapidly, Hermione didn't even try to hold back the tears. Shock filled her; Harry and Ginny were dead. Immediately, Hermione despised Healer Smythe again, her callous manner in telling her that her dear friends, practically her brother and sister were dead and that their children were now her own, and there would be no Ron to help her. She was now the mother of five children.

"Severus?" She reached for him, pulling him close as she cradled Lily in her arms. "Tell me." He sighed, sat on the edge of the bed next to her and ran his hand softly over Lily's soft hair.

"The accident might have been intentional, they are still investigating things. A lorry overturned, more than twenty people were killed," he paused, wanting so badly to leave the room, to avoid having to be the one to tell her everything, "Molly and Arthur were killed instantly, Ron and Harry suffered injuries that left them unconscious as far as doctors can surmise and they both slipped from life in their sleep, Ginevra went into labor, much like you from the shock, and then her injuries also claimed her. Fortunately, Albus walked away without a scratch, but he hasn't spoken since the accident. When you passed out in Ron's room, your blood pressure was so high they had to induce labor and Winnie was born late last night. I don't know what else to say, there are no words I can offer that you will comfort you, I am wholly unprepared to be a comforter...I…" For a moment she held her breath, everything they'd survived, the odds they'd beaten fighting Voldemort, it was all for nothing. Looking at Lily, whose eyes had opened momentarily, she felt as though she was looking right at Ginny, the same beautiful round face, the same eyes even though she didn't know for sure if they would be hazel or green like Harry's.

"It was all for nothing." She whispered, kissing Lily's sweet face and wondering how she was going to manage it all, it all felt too heavy. She'd lost everyone, everyone she loved aside from her daughters.

"Rose?!" Her eyes snapped to him and he bowed his head.

"You have a Gryffindor, one who would very much like to see you. She's been helping take care of Lily and Albus with George, Sinistra gave her leave until everything is settled...would you like her to come in now?" He offered to take Lily, but Hermione held her tightly.

"Yes and Jamie, is he here?"

"He is, would you like him as well?" He folded his arms, standing before her like he had so many times when she was a student and while they worked together in Magical Law Enforcement, awaiting a verdict or for her paperwork to be completed.

"Give me a minute with Rose first." He nodded and left. Hermione rocked Lily slightly, she had an immediate need to see Winnie, to compare them, to hold the last vestige of her husband in her arms. As Rose walked in, she motioned her over, patting the bed.

"Will you bring Winnie's cot over, love?" She watched Rose for signs of her grief and could tell immediately that she'd been crying; she'd lost her father, favorite aunt and uncle, and grandparents in one day. "I'm sorry you weren't the first to see her, I guess that was your Uncle George or Severus." Hermione peered over into the cot and her eyes filled again, Winnie had Ron's exact lips, the same peaceful expression of sleep but definitely her curls with his red hair. Next to Lily, they looked almost like twins, varying shades of red hair but still, so similar.

"I don't know what to say to you, poppet. I haven't even been cognizant enough to deal with this myself and suddenly, there are two new babies...did they tell you about the will?"

"Yes, I was there, Mr. Severus let me listen so I could be a witness and help. Alby hasn't even talked to me yet but Jamie has, he's upset but I think we are all in shock. There we were after the sorting ceremony and Jamie and I were so excited because we made Gryffindor and then Headmistress Sinistra came and took us to her office. We flooed here and Mr. Severus and Uncle George told us." Hermione was surprised at how well her daughter seemed to be handling the situation, but she knew there would be many emotions over the next days, weeks, months, and years.

"Has anyone alerted Grandma and Grandpa?" Suddenly, Rose's eyes met Hermione's.

"Yes, but they're having trouble getting here. Mr. Severus didn't want to leave to get them and for a while I guess there was no one who could. So I think Mr. Seamus is going later."

"Well, that'll be a relief, especially with these two." Hermione handed Lily to Rose and canceled the charm on Winnie's cot for a moment so she could reach in and take her tiny hand. "I wish she was going home with us, but they said they have to keep her until her lungs are ready." Rose rocked Lily gently as Severus appeared at the door with James and Albus. Hermione smiled at them, she knew it was time to be strong for these children who needed her desperately.

"Come here, boys." Hermione held her arms out and though she was still incredibly sore, she held them tightly to her, putting the spell back on Winnie's cot and smoothing each of their hair, so like Harry's unruly and soft.

"Mr. Severus has told you about the will?" She asked as Severus stood awkwardly in the doorway, watching the scene unfold from the outside, feeling like he shouldn't be there.

"Yes, Aunt Hermione, I was at the reading as well." James, who had always been more mischievous than his brother was solemn, leaned his head against her shoulder, looking at his new baby sister in Rose's arms.

"When we leave the hospital, we are going to Grimmauld Place. Your uncles George, Bill, and Percy will come and we'll have to plan things, I'm sure your Uncle Charlie will come but it might take him longer. It will be painful and I will understand if you want to get away, but please don't do anything rash. Our family has already survived so much loss and we will survive this, too, I promise. I only ask that if you feel overwhelmed or angry, talk to me or your uncles, let one of us know...and when you two go back to Hogwarts," she pointed at James and Rose, "you tell Professor Longbottom when you need a break or someone to talk to. He will take care of you, I promise." She pulled them closer, especially Albus as he began to cry. They were so young.

"I love you all and so did your parents, and you know Granny and Poppy would've moved heaven and earth to be here right now. Do you need anything right now? Have you eaten?" Hermione tried to think like Molly, to anticipate their needs like she would, but suddenly she felt overwhelmed and scared. She knew Lily would need feeding soon and would it be wrong to nurse her as she had Rose?

"If you're hungry, I'll walk you to the commissary." Severus offered, clearing his throat. He knew Hermione was about to crack, she'd been incredibly strong for the older kids but it was obvious she needed a break and to tend to the babies. Unfolding his arms, he motioned for the kids to follow him to get dinner and watched as Rose reluctantly placed Lily in Hermione's arms. When the kids walked out, Hermione met his gaze.

"Will you send the healer in with the paperwork, please?" Meekly, she asked, holding Lily tightly against her chest. "And thank you, for everything, I'm forever in your debt, Severus." He closed his eyes slowly, he'd never seen her so hurt.

"I think you'll find I am far more in your debt, Hermione." He turned quickly, leaving her no chance to respond. The healer followed swiftly as though she'd read Hermione's mind.

"These papers are for legal reasons, I apologize for the haste in which this must be done but as there's an investigation into the accident, the aurors who came were concerned about possible kidnapping. I realize how indecent this may seem at this time, but it must be done." Healer Smythe took Lily from Hermione so she could read through the papers. Papers concerning Grimmauld Place and Kreacher, temporary custody orders for James, Albus, and Lily, Gringotts access to accounts for their care, Ron's pension from his time with the Ministry, and lastly the release of their bodies. She signed them all, balking at the amount of money and thinking about her own home, what she would need to take to make things comfortable at Grimmauld Place. Handing the papers back, she took Lily in her arms and watched as the healer made copies for her and placed them on the counter.

"I…" The healer turned. "How have the girls been fed so far?"

"We have a storage of breastmilk for such occasions when a mother wants to nurse but cannot due to medical injury, so they've both had a few feedings. Your Master Snape fed Lily a few hours ago so she should be hungry soon and Winnie is being fed by healers because she's having trouble on her own with a bottle." Hermione nodded, taking in the information but not truly understanding, like most things that day.

"It's just, I feel…" Hermione didn't want to say she felt odd nursing her niece but at the same time, knew she needed nourishment.

"Do you want me to bring more milk?" Hermione looked into Lily's eyes and thought of Ginny, she knew that Ginny would do whatever it took to care for Rose or Winnie, even if it felt like a gray area in the moment.

"No, I just...will my medicine affect her, when I had Rose the wouldn't let me nurse for the first hours because they'd given me pain potion." Healer Smythe nodded, her face softening for the first time in their acquaintance, sensing that Hermione was struggling.

"The medicine we gave you has worn off, do you need me to send an obstetrics healer for nursing consultation?" Hermione smiled at Lily and then thanked the healer before watching her close the door, unbuttoning her gown and trying to remember how she nursed Rose all the years before. It took them both a moment to get situated but she felt her latch and then the familiar tug, forcing her eyes to fill again, it still hadn't really registered that her family was gone, that she was alone with these two babies. Roughly twenty minutes later she heard a knock at the door and saw Healer Weston come in to do a check up.

"We've kept them together in the cot because it always seems to help the smaller ones thrive. I'm going to cast a few spells on your Winnie and when Lily is ready, I'll take her so you can rest." She watched as the healer's wand changed different colors and recorded numbers on a chart near her paperwork. Preparing to switch sides, Hermione brought Lily up to burp and felt her sweet breath on her neck, instantly taking her back to sweet baby Rose, and when she positioned her again, she nursed a little longer but fell asleep, so she handed her off to the healer and reached for Winnie.

"They were born only nine hours apart. I know this is an impossible time, Ms. Granger, but these girls are little miracles." Hermione smiled, holding her daughter against her thighs, memorizing her tiny nose and mouth, trying to stop the flow of her tears as she thought about Ron, the first time they'd kissed, when he proposed, how happy he'd been when Rose was born, how he'd held her when they'd lost the two after Rose, his sweet smile in the morning, the pleasure of his embrace...all of it made her weep. How could she hold it together for the children? Her brothers-in-law who'd already lost so much?

She heard the door open again and tried to snap a button, seeing Severus walk in alone.

"They said you fed Lily, thank you." She stated through her tears, wiping them away before they could fall on Winnie, her tiny bundled body still cradled in the butterfly of her legs.

"It was a way to be useful." He sat cautiously in the chair by the cot, looking at Lily, the granddaughter and namesake of a woman he'd once loved so dearly.

"Where are the children?" She asked trembling, her tears still flowing incessantly. As he handed her a handkerchief she held his hand, unafraid and unwilling to let go.

"George and Bill took them to Grimmauld Place, we still have access as a safe house. They're concerned yours might be a target, even if it all pans out to an extremely unfortunate accident, they're being cautious. I will accompany you in the morning." She knew this wasn't comfortable for him, she could feel how tense he was, how desperately he wanted to get away.

"I'm sorry I must lean on you. I'm sorry you have to see me like this, Severus, I'm…"

"Grieving. You are beyond distraught and if I can help, I will. Do not apologize to me again." His tone frightened her, as though she was about to be given detention and he sensed it immediately. "I'm sorry, please don't cry over my ineptitude, Hermione…" She lifted Winnie as she heard tiny grumblings of fuss and showed him her scrunchy face.

"I will shed thousands of tears for a great while to come, I'm sure, but I know that I have to care for these girls and myself, poor Alby. I have no idea what to do with a boy, I've only a girl until now and Alby is far more sensitive than Rose has ever been." The Healer bustled in again as Winnie fussed and wanted to be changed and fed. Hermione realized she needed the loo as well but didn't know how much strength she had to walk. Wiping her eyes with his handkerchief, she watched the Healer change both girls into clean nappies and rebundle them. Lily loosed an arm and touched Winnie, as though to comfort her.

"I've sent Seamus to collect things from your house, things that should be kept safe in case this is more than coincidence. Is there anything in particular you would like?" Hermione turned her eyes from the girls to Severus, taking in his appearance and wondering how he was dealing with everything. He'd known Molly and Arthur since he was but twenty years old, he'd taught all of them, protected Harry for years, and for the first time she noticed him staring at the girls, as though he was remorseful.

"Yes, my beaded bag, it's everything I would ever need, on my nightstand."

"You still have that?" His voice almost quivered, as though he didn't understand why she would feel insecure enough to have her bag from the war still stocked. He remembered vividly when she pulled medicines from her bag to save him, even in the haze of his impending death, he could recall the beaded bag as though he'd seen it everyday of his life.

"Some things you can't leave behind." It was then she realized she was still holding his hand. "Are you alright?" Squeezing his hand, she fought tears again.

"You shouldn't worry about me, you've enough to deal with right now." She dropped his hand as though it burnt her and folded her arms, realizing her gown still wasn't completely buttoned and averted her eyes. She felt like she was under a microscope, that every move she made played out to him in bright bold letters. The paranoia made her skin crawl and brought back moments of terror, Bellatrix LeStrange torturing her at Malfoy Manor, Dobby dying at Shell Cottage, kissing Ron in the Chamber of Secrets. Shivering, she closed her eyes tightly and tried to calm herself down.

"Well I need the loo, could you ask the healer to come back?" Hermione felt her hormones fluctuating, her desire to run from him and shut everyone out far more powerful than any other emotion, so she turned on the bed and put her legs over, waiting for the healer to come. When she finally walked through, Hermione stood on wobbly legs, blood rushing down them as she stepped, making her thankful Severus had stayed outside.

"We've let you sit too long, I'm afraid. Let's have a shower? You'll feel better." Hermione nodded but said nothing as Healer Weston helped her to the toilet, then the shower, washing her hair and running her fingers through it as her Mum had for years when she was a child. In a clean gown and fresh socks, Hermione laid back in bed, clean sheets and one hand in the cot, touching each of the girl's tiny feet.

Hours later, when she was finally asleep, Severus came back to check on her, even in sleep she looked fitful. The healer had obviously helped her to shower because her hair was plaited and she smelled of jasmine. Turning his attention to the girls, he noticed Winnie had freed her tiny hand from the wrap and was touching Lily's face, just as Lily had done earlier. He'd never loved babies, the only one he'd ever been around for any length of time was Draco Malfoy and that had been ages ago. Though he'd helped feed Lily earlier in the day, he didn't quite know how to hold them correctly or keep from feeling as though they were glass. With one last look at Hermione, Severus left the room to the healers and apparated to Grimmauld Place where his usual room was waiting. His sleep was fitful as well and though he knew the next week would be arduous, all he could think of was Hermione's face, how forlorn and desperate she looked until one of the girls was placed in her arms, then he saw some of the old spirit. He thought on it a while longer and then slipped into sweet sleep waking before sunrise and washing quickly so he could escort Hermione home.

 ***I promise I have not killed the Weasleys/Potters in vain- there is actually a plot line in hooks to achieve from the grief. I apologize in advance for mischaracterization of anyone you recognize- this is simply my idea of what they would be like after the war**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: I have updated a few things in Chapter 1. Also, all text in italics is from the past; I have indicated about where in the timeline the past text takes place. Thank you for those who have reviewed and followed. Warnings: character deaths**

 **Chapter 2**

 _(When Snape comes to work with Hermione and Seamus)_

 _"Why do we always get these cases?" Hermione heard Seamus complain, throwing a brief in her direction as a bout of nausea hit her, forcing her to stand and run quickly to the loo, leaving Seamus in quite a state. She thought it a cruel twist of fate that even though she'd miscarried, she was still vomiting every morning, and she'd been well into her second trimester still vomiting. The only thing keeping her going was the sweet kisses she received from Rose in the morning before work and then in the evening, from both Ron and Rose._

 _"Again?" Seamus remarked as she entered the office again._

 _"They gave me a potion and it helps sometimes but my always, and that's really insensitive of you, you know." Both of their voices stopped though as a knock at the door brought them out of their momentary lapse of time and conversation when Kingsley Shacklebolt, the Minister for Magic, walked through the door with Severus Snape and Hermione was instantly thrown back to the night she saved him, the months that followed, how he'd eventually thrown her out when he had recovered enough. But, with persistence he eventually he allowed her back in, working on NEWTs in his study while she helped him learn to walk, speak, cast spells again after the nerve damage affected his spine. How, in the end, he'd refused to see her after she completed the majority of her NEWTs; how he'd broken her heart and neither had recognized how much they'd come to depend on the other._

 _"Good morning, I bring you your new partner, I believe you'll remember him." Hermione stood to shake his hand and felt another wave of nausea hit, and without a word she left the room, expecting that Seamus might explain so she didn't have to, but when she returned he looked as surly as ever, as severe as her classes with him and how he'd acted when she told him she was leaving Hogwarts early._

 _"Sorry, Seamus did you file the continuation papers?" She asked, coming back into the office and finding the office that had sat empty for over a year now with one ex-professor who looked like he'd rather be anywhere else._

 _"No, Madame, you'll have to waddle on down...sorry." The look she shot him made Seamus shut up immediately._

 _"Gladly." Walking to the filing system for their current cases, she took the paperwork._

 _"Would you like to accompany me to the offices we submit paperwork through? I can brief you on our current cases." He simply nodded and stood, but said nothing. Hermione stopped for a moment at their office door and thought he might fall over from annoyance, his face ashen and his hands forced into the pockets of his trousers._

 _"You don't have to come, I just thought…" she paused, the look on his face shifting to something far worse, "fine." She led him down the corridor, explaining in the simplest terms that they were currently working on a brief that would extend marriage rights to vampires and werewolves, as their citizenship status was still compromised, and then then they would pursue legal rights for the new potion controlling the symptoms of werewolves for six months at a time, thereby making it possible for werewolves to get legal citizenship and equal status._

 _She felt him staring at the back of her head, his arms now folded across his chest like old times. When they reached the office for filing court motions and briefs, she introduced him to Avery and Erika, the two ladies who handled all the paperwork like true professionals and saw his mood change immediately and her own annoyance grew._

 _"Our brief is third in line, so we'll present to the small council next week. Seamus will catch you up on the process because I have to be out, umm, two days I think next week. Also, the trolley comes by at ten, one, and three of you're inclined. We typically brew our own tea or coffee in the office and Molly sends breads and sweets with Arthur, he works two floors down."_

 _"Do you often miss work, Ms. Granger?" Of all the first things to say to her, Hermione was shocked that he'd latched onto that particular bit of information._

 _"No, actually, Master Snape. I've only missed one day of work thus far. And we've successfully changed or introduced twenty cases in our short time with this office." She felt the door handle jiggle under her hand, her magic surging in her odd mood and hormone duplicity._

 _"Seamus, will you brief Master Snape on the objective and process for Monday? And also, I am the head of this particular department and task force, so if you need anything, do not hesitate to ask." He nodded and looked at them, wondering what had happened on their short walk to the offices only moments away._

 _"Thanks." She slammed her door, sat her desk and cried. It felt completely wrong to be crying and she hated that she'd lost control in front of him; they'd left each other in what she thought was disarray and seeing him again brought back the hurt she'd felt when he practically refused to see or speak with her, even though it had been so very long._

 _When the first week ended, the following Wednesday, she returned to work refreshed but still quite emotional. She'd had to have a procedure at St. Mungos to help her uterus heal and felt quite sore. Although they'd given her pain potions, she was still in a great deal of pain, but she tried to endure it and make it through her work. The three days she'd worked with Severus had been tenuous at best and she hated that the job she'd come to love was now the last place she wanted to be. He said nothing to her Wednesday, aside from a snarky comment about her puffy eyes, and she wondered what had happened to the man she spent almost an entire year bringing back to life. He argued with her over research protocols or why she was unable to interview certain people connected to their cases. He didn't know she was on potions that made her nauseated and often lightheaded and therefore interviewing was out of the question until she no longer needed the potions. She agreed to compete all the paperwork if they were willing to do the briefs._

 _"Do you always shirk your duties or is this simply for my benefit?" He sneered, taking his parchment and quill with him to Seamus' office._

 _"Seamus and I often collaborate this way, if it is not to your liking I apologize. We play to our strengths and though normally interviewing is one of my strong points, I cannot participate at this particular juncture." She snapped back, angry and frustrated with his inability to be civil._

 _"Who knew you'd grow into a paper pusher; certainly not the job I thought you'd have this many years out of school." Part of her ties itself tightly in knots waiting for him to admit she had succeeded in many ways was like waiting for Ron to hate quidditch._

 _"I find great value in my profession, if you do not, why then are you here?" But she didn't wait for his answer, she simply left the office to meet Arthur for lunch._

 _On Thursday morning, she arrived with bacon and egg sandwiches for everyone and brewed fresh tea, hoping that a peace offering of his favorite breakfast would smooth things but she found him less than pleased and instead of thanking her, he refused to eat and instead made a comment that perhaps she'd been eating too many of the sandwiches herself. Refusing to cry in front of him, she left their office and went to the loo and when she sat down to see, she saw red. She was tired of bleeding, tired of pain and as she cried she heard the door open._

 _"Granger?" Seamus called out to her._

 _"What?" She relied through choked tears._

 _"Everything okay?" But he heard no answer, instead he heard the toilet flush and when she exited, he saw she'd been crying and didn't know how to help her. "Is this about Snape?"_

 _"No," she paused, splashing her face with water, "not entirely." They exited the the loo together and she saw Severus standing right outside but she said nothing, only felt her heart breaking for the continued feelings of loss. She knew she should be thankful for her Rose, but losing another child hit her harder than she ever thought possible._

 _"Are you really this upset because I won't eat your sandwiches?" Immediately she halted; she couldn't believe his audacity._

 _"No, you ungrateful swine and I've not been eating too many sandwiches for your information, I was pregnant. I've had a miscarriage and the surgery I had to have on Monday has left me in a great deal of pain, not to mention I was almost at the end of my second trimester. So no, I'm not crying simply because you won't eat the sandwiches I made, which I know you love, I am crying because I've lost a son." Going through her door, she slammed it behind her and tried to calm herself down. A few hours later she heard a light knock on her door and saw Severus, so she opened the door with her wand and waited._

 _"For the pain." He abruptly handed her a small box of potions. She knew it was a peace offering but she couldn't imagine forgiving him for a long while._

 _"Thanks." But she felt no relief, only sorrow for having lost another baby, and one who'd been her friend for a short time._

SSHGSSHG

When Hermione opened her eyes the next morning it felt as though she'd been drugged, her mind was still foggy and her body incredibly sore. Her brain was fuzzy, and she had the distinct feeling she'd dreamed about Severus. She felt the numbness of her arm and realized she had been holding onto the cot most of the night, and in a fit of panic she sat up quickly making sure both girls were there. Lily peeped one eye open so Hermione went quickly to the loo, her legs less heavy then and returned to lift Lily from the cot and change her nappy. Tucking her back into her sleeper, Hermione sat with her in the chair, a far better angle for nursing than the bed and tempted the sweet girl to eat. In the moment, she was lost in the sweet sound of her niece enjoying her breakfast, keeping one eye keenly on Hermione. For a moment, Hermione saw James as an infant in Lily's face, though he had darker hair, they had the same eye shape and ears, Harry's for sure but everything else reminded her of Ginny. A soft knock at the door broke the spell and Healer Smythe came through.

"If you are prepared, they are processing discharge now. Winnie will need to remain for a minimum of two weeks but you are welcome to visit as often as you'd like. " Hermione couldn't form words so she just nodded, looking over to Winnie as she slept, so tiny compared to Lily.

"With your forms you will find their birth certificates. Both need to be filed, we just need your signature." Shifting Lily to her shoulder and pulling her gown closed, Hermione looked over Lily's first. Eight pounds and ten ounces, no wonder she looked so much larger than Winnie who was but five pounds and four ounces. Lily Luna Potter and Winifred Ruby Granger-Weasley, born nine hours apart. Signing them quickly, Hermione handed them over and just as before Healer Smythe made copies, so quickly and efficiently with the seal of the hospital shining brightly at the bottom.

"Was my wand brought? I can't believe I haven't thought of it until now." The healer laid out fresh clothes for Hermione and placed her wand next to them. "Oh, thank you." Placing Lily on the cot again, Hermione made sure the door was locked as the healer left, then changed as quickly as she could, though she was incredibly sore. Taking Winnie from the cot, she held her tight, hummed lightly to her the same song her Mum had always sung for her, "Let It Be", then walked around the room a bit, trying not to think of all the things she would need to do for the funerals and to make sure the children were cared for. She heard another soft knock on the door and cancelled her spell. Severus walked through looking rested but still grim.

"Are you ready?" He wasn't impatient or insistent, he seemed worried for her, as though for the first time in their acquaintance he didn't know what to do for her.

"One more minute before I have to put her back." Kissing Winnie's sweet cheeks, and running her hand over her soft hair, she cradled her a moment more then placed her back in the cot, taking lily in her arms, tucking her wand safely in her sleeve. Looking around the room, she found everything had been packed nicely by the healers.

"Are the children okay?" She asked as they walked from the room, Healer Weston going in immediately to take Winnie to the maternity ward, the NICU of the muggle world.

"They're enjoying breakfast with Charlie, he came early this morning. I've convinced him to stay a bit." Her brow furrowed.

"I can't protect you around the clock, you know." She didn't know why it bothered her, to feel somewhat slighted though she should've known it wasn't the case, but still she frowned as they walked to the lift. Charlie was her favorite Weasley aside from Ron and he was the least attached, it did make sense she supposed. Taking them into his arms in the apparition point, Severus held them tightly apparating to the doorstep of Grimmauld Place and letting her go through. A chorus of hellos greeted her as she entered the kitchen. Bill and Fleur had come, their children in tow and Charlie was cleaning dishes at the sink, just as his mother had. Sometimes it made her laugh a bit, seeing so much of Molly in Charlie, though he would never admit it, but in that moment it didn't make her laugh, it simply made her heart ache more knowing she would never see Molly at that sink, at hers, anywhere.

Rose immediately took Lily so Hermione could eat and though there was certainly a somber mood, Hermione felt at home at the table where she'd shared many meals with her friends and family over the years. She didn't notice Severus slip away and only later did she wonder if the aurors were in fact correct and that there was something more going on than a simple but devastating accident.

Hours later, she climbed the stairs to her room very slowly, realizing that she would eventually have to clear out Harry and Ginny's room, that it would be easier to be in their rooms because the nursery was already prepared next to it, but she just didn't feel comfortable moving their things just yet. Instead, she unpacked a few things from the bag the hospital had sent and found Ron's ring. Putting it on her thumb, she kissed it and then took the clothes Seamus had packed and put them in the armoire. Rose walked through moments later with Lily who was definitely unhappy.

"Thank you for taking care of her, poppet." Rose was almost her height and when she leaned in to take Lily from her arms, she let one settle around Rose's waist. "I love you, Rose."

"I love you, too, Mum." Rose then turned and left the room and although she was fussing, Hermione walked with Lily down the stairs to the nursery so she could use the lounger to rock her- she knew it would support her better than the chair in her room. Rounding the corner of the hallway, she saw Albus and James playing chess in the dining room and smiled at them, hoping their uncles were giving them attention. Turning the doorknob, she walked into the sweet nursery Ginny had prepared for Lily months prior. She remembered when she'd first told her she and Harry were expecting, Hermione had just discovered she was expecting as well, but both were cautious because it had been years of trying. Humming to her lightly, Hermione rocked gently while she nursed, looking in her eyes and sometimes around the room, wondering if she needed to bring the cot for Winnie from her house or if it would be better to put them in the same one. She thought about all the things at her home, pictures, furniture, memories...living there with five children would make no sense, they barely fit when there were three people living there. She wondered if she should sell it or wait for the dust to clear on the investigation into the crash. Thoughts jumped through her mind in an endless cycle, like a revolving door, she couldn't silence them so she hummed more and stared at Lily's face, trying to focus on what she could control in the moment.

After a nappy change and kisses, Hermione left Lily in the nursery with a charm and walked into the kitchen to make a cup of tea and find lunch. Charlie looked up from his own tea and gave her a Weasley smile, it felt glorious to see a bit of Ron in him.

"Bad times, love." He whispered in her ear as she was enveloped in a hug. She wasn't expecting such affection from him, but they had always been closer than she and Ron's other brothers, and though he wasn't always the most affectionate person, he had always been delicate with her, knowing when she would welcome a hug or gentle pat on her arm or shoulder.

"We need to talk." She heard from the doorway where Severus was standing with Bill and Percy, George eventually trailed in as well. She felt immediately empty as Charlie's arms left her, but sat next to him at the kitchen table.

"Although there is still an ongoing investigation, the aurors alerted me an hour ago and revealed compelling evidence that this was a planned event. That being said, the funerals must be orchestrated and kept secret, in fact it should be the people here and no one else," Severus paused, looking directly to Hermione for the first time, "We have moved your parents to a safe house, but they will not be able to come here until the investigation is completed." His words were clipped and devoid of all the emotion he'd displayed the days before, making Hermione's eyes water for a moment. She wanted her mother there, to help with the girls, to express all of the anger and pain she was burying within in herself moment by moment. Wrapping her nails on the table, Hermione felt the sting of indifference and then suddenly, the thought that she might not be able to go to St. Mungos to see Winnie.

"In ten minutes, a Ministry official will be here to speak with Albus, one of you must be present with him because he is a minor."

"I will, unless Hermione, you are their guardian." Hermione scanned over to Percy who had spoken and sensed a hint of jealousy and anger in his tone.

"As long as Lily remains asleep, perhaps more than one of us should present any way, for his comfort. Excuse me." She felt herself leaking, in more than one way and she needed to leave, so she stood quickly and ran for the door, taking the steps quickly and finding the first loo. She had hoped the steady trickle of post-partum blood would've slowed, but it was still a problem and though she couldn't see the milk leaking through her robes, she felt it. Walking back down the stairs to the nursery, she found Lily still sleeping.

"Are you planning on sitting in on the interview?" Hermione heard from the doorway, she jumped in shock and turned quickly, her wand aimed directly at him, though in one swift breath, she immediately dropped her hand.

"I'll be right out, I was just…" She looked over at Lily again, she knew her voice was terse and that he was doing the best he could in the situation. It made her feel helpless to be be overwhelmed in such a way, she'd always been so well put together and now it seemed everything was crumbling around her. She needed him to leave so she could fix her nursing bra, but he seemed to want to escort her. Folding her arms across her chest, she stared him 't these men realize she'd given birth three days before? That she too was healing and trying to function on very little sleep and high anxiety? Trying to breathe evenly, she looked directly in his eyes.

"I'll be right out." She repeated, trying to convey in those words the urgency of him leaving the room, but there he stood and stayed, watching her. "Severus, I need you to walk out, please." Refusing to look away, she watched as his eyebrow rose, Hermione rarely ordered anything from him in seriousness. For a moment, she could see worry in his eyes.

"Please, I need to be alone, I have to fix my leaky tits. See, you should listen the first time." With that he turned, slamming the door and waking Lily from her sleep. Hermione grabbed a thin flannel and pulled Lily into her arms, and then walked back to the dining room where Albus, Bill, Charlie, and Severus were waiting. Lily was getting better at latching so she cradled her and let her nurse. Casting a charm for the blanket to stay in place, she sat next to Charlie.

"I'm sorry, Lily needed me." She glanced across to the Ministry employee, a woman who looked about thirty and smiled weakly, then she felt Severus' eyes on her as she spoke. But even as thought about it, it was really she who needed Lily. She'd have to come up with a better plan for the leaking as it was fully apparent her milk had come in completely. A small pinch of Lily's latch made her shift a bit, but she focused on Albus and the Ministry employee who seemed to be shuffling papers back and forth, peering over her crescent-moon glasses, reminding Hermione for a moment of Rita Skeeter.

"Albus Arthur Potter, my name is Sophie Michaels and I work with the Ministry in Magical Law Enforcement but in a very special unit that deals with mysterious events like those that just happened. Do you feel comfortable to talk to me about what you remember?" Hermione finally placed the woman, she'd seen her before in the Wizengamot, and suddenly remembered she was a fierce prosecutor, one who did impeccable research. For a moment, relief washed over her as she looked over to Albus whose eyes were focused solely on the picture behind them, a family picture from three years prior, before Lily was even a thought in his parents minds, before James left for school.

"I don't remember much, because Uncle Ron was teaching me a magic trick with cards and I unbuckled my seat to turn and watch him. I just remember Poppy slamming on the breaks and the wheels screeching, Uncle Ron pulled me close but when the van flipped, I fell out of the window, I remember rolling and hearing the explosion." Albus' voice was soft but Hermione could see that he was struggling to speak at all.

"Did the explosion happen as soon as the vehicles stopped or when you were in the grass?" The woman asked, but Hermione's attention was drawn back to Lily who was ready for burping, so she shifted her for a moment, reaching under the blanket and pulling her sweater tightly enough to pat Lily's back against her shoulder and once she seemed relieved of any discomfort, she repeated the process, switching sides and casting the same spell for privacy. If anyone was uncomfortable by her actions, she didn't notice, only that Lily's tiny coos and drinking sound was obvious when the room was quiet.

"It was when I was in the grass, the lorry exploded but Dad and Mum were able to get out of the van before the flames reached them, Uncle Ron, too, but Poppy and Granny were…" His tiny lip quivered as Hermione reached her hand to hold his, and without a moment's pause, Albus came to stand next to her, his hand in her hair. He'd done this quite often when he was young, he'd always been obsessed with the hair of his female relatives.

"I know this is hard, Albus, but do you remember any other people? Any people with wands or watching the scene?" Charlie smirked, wondering how his nephew could've possibly been paying attention to his surroundings as though he were a trained auror.

"There was a man, in the field across from the road, he kept watching us like...I don't know...he made me feel weird, like he could read my mind." Hermione exchanged a look with Severus, almost prompting him to ask for the memory to look at the man.

"Would you be comfortable if Master Snape was to look in your mind?" Albus looked between the woman and Severus, he'd always like his parents' old Potions Master, he'd played enough chess with him over the years to feel like he could count on him if he needed to. "With your guardian's permission, of course."

"If Alby feels comfortable, I consent." Hermione said plainly, shifting Lily in her arms slightly to relieve some of the pressure on her leg.

"Okay." Was all Albus said, looking at his Aunt before moving to the seat next to Severus and wiping his eyes where tears had formed.

"You must look at me and think of that memory, Albus, but if it hurts, let me know and we will stop." Severus tried to sound as calm as he could, worried at who he would see in Albus Potter's mind. Without saying the words, Severus was in Albus' mind, seeing images of Harry and Ginny, bloodied and bruised, then Ron, whose leg was visibly broken, suddenly there was an image of Arthur and Molly lifeless on the side of the road but Severus couldn't ascertain how they'd been thrown from the van if the front was completely smashed, or how they weren't completely engulfed in flames when the explosion should've taken them immediately. He delved deeper, looking where Albus did, and seeing in the field someone he hadn't expected at all.

"We can take a break, Albus if your head hurts." Severus broke the connection, he couldn't process what he'd seen and didn't want to make anyone suspicious.

"Yes, I'd like a break, please." Sophie Michaels frowned for a moment and wrote notes in her notebook, then closed her file.

"We'll meet again tomorrow if that is agreeable?" The adults all looked to each other, but as usual, Hermione took charge.

"Tomorrow after lunch, please." With one look to Charlie and Severus, Hermione stood slowly, Lily still nursing as though she would never eat again, then kissed Albus' head and motioned him to come with her.

"Let's go see if Aunt Fleur and Jamie have tea ready, okay?" Her arm around her nephew, she walked with him through to the kitchen, stopping when she saw Rose and James pulling tea cups from the cabinets and their cousins setting tea trays as though they were having a fancy party. Victoire was impossibly beautiful, just as her sister Dominique and brother Louis were. None of them had the bright or auburn Weasley red hair, but Victoire's strawberry blonde hair moved as though a spell was cast on it in perfect, flowing curls. Kissing his cheek, Hermione left him with his cousins and set off to the nursery to change Lily and let her rest again. The door was cracked slightly when she came through and she saw Charlie looking at the small things Ginny had purchased for her daughter.

"How's our girl?" He asked as Hermione cancelled the charm on the blanket and moved Lily to the cot for a moment so she could button her jumper and free her hands.

"She's a healthy eater so far, that's for sure...speaking of, and I feel I can ask you this because you are always completely honest with me, do you find it odd that I am nursing her?" Hermione kept her eyes on Lily, unzipping her romper and changing her nappy, the cold air making her fuss for a moment, her bright eyes filling with tears. As quickly as she could, Hermione disposed of the nappy and bundled her back up, snuggling her tightly against her shoulder then offering her to Charlie.

"No, not at all, Ginny would've wanted her cared for and loved, and you do that so well. I know it's hard for you, not having Winnie here, but you'll be an old pro when she comes." Hermione smiled at him, his ability to make her feel calm and supported had never wavered since she and Ron married. Most everyone in the family knew he was likely to remain unattached, but she'd always hoped he would find someone worthy of his love. Charlie, of all the Weasley men aside from Arthur, was quite possibly the best of men; he was kind and giving, comforting and open. He pulled her into a hug and as though all the emotions she'd held in for a few hours suddenly brewed over like the tea kettle she heard in the kitchen, Hermione began to cry.

"How am I going to do this? Two babies, two at school, and poor Alby? He has to be traumatized. How long can you stay?" Charlie moved to put Lily in her cot and brought Hermione into his arms properly, smoothing her hair as she cried; he felt like Ron for a moment, like it was Ron's arms holding her tight as he had just days before, but he wasn't Ron and suddenly she was filled with guilt. Charlie sensed the shift in her emotions and cupped her face between her hands.

"You are grieving, you need to find comfort where you can. I can stay as long as you need me, okay?" She nodded, reaching up to wipe her eyes she let him hold for longer than she should've, but the mere weight of another's arms around her calmed the anxiety that began to rise each time she remembered Ron had died.

"Am I able to go to St. Mungos? Severus didn't say and I want to see Winnie again." As though spoken name was a spell, Severus appeared at the door, taking in the scene with a sense of dread.

"It might be wise to remain here for the evening, until Aurors have secured floo connections." He voiced, as she pulled away from Charlie and looked between Lily and Severus.

"I realize there is a threat, but I can't just leave her there, alone." Folding her arms, Hermione fought the urge to leave immediately without an escort, just to spite him. She hated the way her hormones and emotions were conflicting making her irrational.

"She isn't alone, Hermione, the healers are taking great care of her and aurors are stationed there in case anyone tries to enter the ward." His tone was calm, she was surprised at how his voice pleaded with her to remain even if he wasn't expressing it in words.

"She's my daughter...she and Rose are all I have of Ron and I want to see her. If I have to take an army of Weasleys with me, I will to see her this evening."

"Hermione, think rationally, one evening will not change her so much that you will be missed." And he'd finally said the words she'd been thinking since he first led her from the courtroom; she was being irrational, she was thinking emotionally instead of practically, but it didn't matter if it was realized, she felt compelled to see Winnie.

"I realize my behavior may seem irrational and maybe I am, but she is my child and she is so small...and my husband is dead, I've lost my best friends…" Severus interrupted her.

"Do you want your daughters and niece and nephews to lose you as well? We have no idea if you are a target or anyone else in the family. Do you want to cause more suffering?" Instead of heading his words, Hermione charged past him, angry that he was right, angry that it didn't matter to him how hurt she was. He could easily take her to the hospital and they would be safe. Stomping up the stairs to her room, Hermione immediately changed out of her robes into her regular clothes and took care of her care for postpartum and sat at her desk. She wanted desperately to talk to Ron, to kiss him, to feel his embrace and know he was actually there with her. Instead, she stewed at her desk in anger, unable to forgive Severus his callous behavior in the moment.

"Hermione, have a care, luv, Alby needs to speak with you." Hermione turned to her door and saw Seamus with Albus at his side. She immediately held her arms out for him and pulled him close as he sat on her lap.

"Did it hurt your mind when Mr. Severus looked?" She asked him, running her fingers through his hair, as one of his hands became tangled in hers.

"No, I'm just worried I did it wrong." Turning his eyes to her, Hermione frowned.

"Why do you say that?"

"He didn't say anything after, like I did something wrong. Have I, Aunt Hermione?" Again as on cue, Severus appeared at her door and for once in a long while, she wanted him to go away.

"You haven't done anything wrong, Alby, I promise. Look, we'll ask him. Mr. Severus, did Alby do anything wrong when you went into his mind to see the wreck?" Severus walked towards them, taking a seat on the chair next to the desk and folding his arms as he normally did.

"You did nothing wrong, Albus. I might have to look again, though, because sometimes when you look at memories, you miss things and I think I missed something. We can do that tomorrow, though, when Ms. Michaels comes back." Albus nodded his tiny head, he was rather smaller than James to be a year apart, and though she would never say it to James, Albus was always nicer and more pleasant than he. She loved them both dearly, but Albus held a special place in her heart.

"Why don't you go make me a list of food in the pantry so I can plan some dinner, okay?" He hugged her tightly and left cautiously from the room, looking back to them a few times before going down the stairs to the pantry off the kitchen.

"You aren't telling anyone what you actually saw?" She asked as soon as she knew Albus was far away. Severus looked to her betraying none of his secrets.

"I want to be sure before I lay blame on anyone."

"So you won't even say who you think it might be?" She folded her arms to mimic him and crossed her legs, though she was still quite sore from labor.

"I would think you would care more to know why they said your husband suffered a head trauma so severe that he became unconscious, yet was walking around after the wreck as though nothing happened to him at all; there isn't enough adrenaline in the world to make someone brain dead walk around after an accident.." Bringing her hand to her mouth, Hermione's eyes filled with tears at the callous nature of his speech, as though all the years they worked together and had become best friends hadn't happened at all.

"How would I possibly know that? And why would you walk all of those stairs, after already putting me in my place once today, and tell me that something else happened to my dead husband after the wreck? I have a thousand hormones rushing around my body and leaky tits, I haven't stopped bleeding and there are two babies who I need to care for but one who I may not see until she's so altered I won't know who she is...and I don't care if that's exaggerating, but it's unfair that my precious niece is bonding with me instead of her mother and her brothers are...What right have you to do this to me?" He leaned forward, a malicious look on his face, and pointed at her as though she'd blown up a cauldron in his class.

"You have to think like the woman I've worked with, not the girl I taught. You are too emotional and you're going to get yourself killed; it will not be on my head that you die, not if I can talk some damn sense into you." His eyes were the darkest she'd ever seen them, like black holes waiting to swallow her up and if she wasn't careful, she knew for sure she'd get lost in them.

"I am the woman you've worked with, have you no heart at all for my feelings? You have no children, Severus, you don't know this pain and I can't make you understand why I desperately need to be with my child." He grimaced and without another word, he swept out of the room, as though still wearing the billowing robes of her youth. His words did nothing but anger her further and instead of heeding his words, she made up her mind to leave for St. Mungos. Grabbing her beaded bag, she closed her door, walked down the stairs and checked on Lily one more time before going to Rose, who she knew could be trusted with a secret, told her she was going to check on Winnie and then walked out the back door. The crack of apparition registered with no one in the house.

She arrived at the hospital and went inside with no problems, she showed her identification and went to the maternity ward. Aurors were planted around the lift and at the desk, but she showed her identification again and they let her into the room where Winnie was being fed by one of the healers.

"Oh, Ms. Granger, would you like to?" The healer showed her the best angle to hold Winnie as she was fed and then she took her in her arms, so much lighter than Lily but looking so similar she was sure once they were the same size, they would be mistaken for twins quite frequently.

"Oh my sweet Winnie." She whispered smelling her sweet smell, kissing her cheeks. Severus didn't understand the need, no compulsion she felt in having to care for her baby. What good mother wanted to be parted from their baby if it was avoidable?

"Does she seem better? Thriving?" Hermione asked as she finished her tiny bottle.

"No change from this morning, but she's still doing well, so that's always a good sign, the potions she's been given are helping her grow, her lungs develop, and her little stomach process milk better.."Hermione kissed her daughter's sweet cheeks again before laying her on the cot, casting the same spell she'd done previously, and walked out of her room. Even if she only stayed ten or fifteen minutes, Hermione wanted to see Winnie as much as she could. Leaving the ward, she cast a quick glamour and walked to the apparition point, in seconds she was in the backyard of Grimmauld Place. Without pause, she released the glamour and walked into the house, through to the nursery and a sleeping baby, much like the one she'd just left. It looked as though Lily hadn't stirred a bit.

Leaving the nursery, she went to check on Rose, James, and Albus to see what they were doing and found all of the children listening to a story being told by Charlie about dragons in Romania. Sneaking to the kitchen, she found the list Albus had made for her and began making her own list of things that would be easy and hearty for the amount of people who'd be around until the funerals were over. Fleur and Angelina came through for a moment, whispering about something and though Hermione typically stayed out of drama between the Weasley wives, it piqued her interest. This would've been a moment where she would've pulled Ginny aside and asked her for information, but she just sat there, still stewing in her emotions, making lists of food for all the people in and out of the house. For a moment, she felt like she had no allies in the house aside from Charlie and even he was unpredictable. Molly had always joked that he would never marry because that would require him to stick to one wife, but Hermione knew he hadn't married because he didn't want to be the only Weasley in the family attracted to the same sex. He'd kept that to himself for years but let it slip when he saw an ally in Hermione, knowing she loved all the Weasleys for who they were. Regardless of their typical camaraderie, Charlie was still a Weasley and would most likely take his brother's side in any argument, unless it was Percy.

Focusing on her lists, she didn't notice Kreacher suddenly come up beside her. He didn't interrupt her, but waited only circling the table once. He'd calmed over the years since ownership shifted from the Blacks to the Potters and now Grangers. It seemed odd to Hermione that she would own such a massive house.

"Oh, Kreacher, I'm sorry. Is there anything you need?" She finally noticed him head bowed near the kitchen sink.

"Nos, not so much, just reminding yous that Kreacher is a good elf now." She smirked at him, remembering when he'd called her a mudblood for years.

"I will bring your wages to you tomorrow, if that is alright with you? For whatever you'd like to do with it." Kreacher merely shuffled away, taking his dusting flannel with him and climbing the stairs to the attic.

"He may never accept you as his mistress." She heard from her shoulder and without turning Hermione knew Severus' voice implicitly.

"You can stow away any further nasty remarks, Severus, I really haven't the energy." Taking her lists, she walked swiftly passed him to the nursery where she thought she heard Lily stirring, though once she entered the room, she found her still resting and Severus at the door.

"I am not purposely nasty, you just invite mischief, as you always have." She could hear the teasing in his voice but she wasn't ready to forgive him his words and actions. Although she had to admit she knew he was looking out for her best interests, just as when they worked on cases together, he was spiky and curt, she could never quite read his mood and now when things were so chaotic, she wanted normalcy.

"Anything else, professor?" She teased back, only calling him professor when she felt he was being particularly nasty.

"Your family would like to go over the details of the funeral."

"Well then, that makes meal lists and shopping trips seem a waste of time. Lily will wake soon so if we are planning to discuss this, it should be now or after she wakes. I don't rather enjoy nursing in front of an audience." Placing the lists on the end table, she peeked over at Lily again and walked past Severus once more, feeling as though he was almost her shadow. Before she reached the living room, though, she felt a tug at her elbow.

"Before you go in there, you need to know that Uncle Percy has been arguing with Uncle Bill and Uncle Charlie that you aren't fit to care for us. Uncle George called him a prat, as always, but I want you to be our guardian, just so you know." James Potter whispered, looking up and down the hallway and then reaching for her, hugging her tight as though it was just hitting him that his parents were gone.

"Thank you, Jamie, that means more, especially from you, than you could ever know." Her mischievous nephew smiled as only he could and hugged her again before scampering back up the stairs to entertain his brother.

She entered the room and all speaking stopped, they were sitting together as though she was walking to her execution, all brothers on one side of the table and she on the other. It didn't feel like a Weasley welcome at all, and for the first time in her entire acquaintance with them, she felt like a true outsider.

"Any reason for the firing squad?" She asked, folding her arms and sitting, trying not to show the pain she still felt postpartum, easing herself on the seat. Percy was first to act as though it wasn't odd for them to sit just so, moving to her side as though they'd always been close. Certainly, since the war had ended, he'd calmed remarkably his asperations a professional asskisser, but she saw in him a misogynist who wanted to control her actions, his wife's, his sisters-in-law as often as possible.

"The Burrow has been left to Bill and Fleur who have no use of it, George and Angelina have been living above their shop for ages so they will take ownership. As it is, we think the funerals should be there, where our family experienced the best of times, as least for Mum and Dad, we understand if you feel differently about Ron, but…" Percy was immediately interrupted.

"Don't say it like we're giving her no choice, she's family, you twat." George roared, reaching across the table to her. "Look, Snape said it was best the funeral happen in one place, we've had notice from the Headmistress that there are plots reserved for all of the members of the Order of the Phoenix, so that is an alternative. Hogwarts would be a safe place, a place we can all visit, and our children and grandchildren, etc. If something ever happens to the Burrow, Merlin forbid there's a madman on the loose, at least at Hogwarts there are protections." George had taken one of her hands, and suddenly she realized the reason they were treating her so differently was that she'd lost her spouse, but they'd lost their parents a sister and a brother, a brother-in-law. It wasn't that her grief was lessened, but that there's continued to grow, first with Fred and now with the heart of their family, their parents. In each of their faces she could see varying obvious levels of grief and it made her feel guilty for thinking they were trying to lampoon her, when it was quite clear that they had thought out things quite thoroughly, even if they didn't agree, they were trying to save her the grief of another thing, especially since she had just given birth.

"I know I am a Weasley only by association." George squeezed her hand, "You are our sister, Hermione, as much as Ginny is, was, Merlin…we want you to know that what Harry and Ginny decided was their choice and though any of us would be happy to be guardians to their children, we know why they chose you and Ron, I mean, of all of us you were the closest to Harry, what you experienced in the war together, we understand. They trusted you, we trust you. That's the last said on the subject." He was commanding, a shadow of his mother in that moment filling Hermione's heart with such love, she felt her hormones surge, tears forming as she thought about the fact that this was the closest she would ever be to her husband again, his brothers and her children. She would never again feel his hands in hers, the easy way the Weasley men loved their wives because Arthur had shown them that it was perfectly fine to show affection not only to Molly but to them, his sons weren't slighted over old fashioned ideas of fathers being aloof and commandeering only. She didn't know how long the crippling feeling of loss would have hold of her, but as the felt Charlie come to sit to her left, she leaned into him and wiped her eyes. This was true of all of them except Percy, she rarely saw the "Arthur" side of his personality.

"Well, I say Hogwarts." She finally said, they all nodded and even Percy looked somewhat pleased, even though he still believed the Burrow was more suitable. Bringing her hand back and folding her arms, she heard the charm she'd put on Lily's nursery sound, so she excused herself for a moment and walked to the nursery where she found Angelina checking in on her.

"She looks so much like Ginny right now." Angelina said softly, thinking of their quidditch days and how much fun she'd had with Ginny over the years because it was an easy thing for them to bond over.

"I know, I'm still curious about her eyes, they don't look quite as dark as Jamie's but not as green as Alby's, I guess we'll have to wait and see." Hermione bent slightly to scoop Lily up and cradled her a moment. "I feel like I am selfishly taking time with her and we haven't gotten to speak since I came here, I don't want you or Fleur or Audrey to feel you have to treat me as fine China, I promise I'm not that fragile." Hermione held the baby out to her, but Angelina declined, smiling softly while looking Lily over again.

"It's hard to know what to say, in times like these. I do hope Percy hasn't been too bold, he acts like...well, I don't want to be catty so I'll stop, but please, know we are in your corner, always." Resting Lily against her shoulder, Hermione hugged Angelina, it hadn't happened often in their lives as sisters-in-law, but she found that every embrace made her feel marginally better, so she was taking whatever she could get. Angelina walked out soon after as Hermione checked Lily over and tried to concoct the same blanket situation she'd used earlier and hoped Lily wouldn't be too fussy. Walking slowly and gently back to finish funeral arrangements, she saw Seamus at the front door and wondered when he'd arrived, but he was speaking to Severus and an auror she didn't know, so she just continued to the dining room.

"We were thinking tomorrow, if that's not too soon. It's just that the longer they are kept at St. Mungos, the more likely another event might take place." Hermione nodded, shifting slightly with Lily and thought about the meeting with the Wizengamot representative and how Albus would feel burying his parents and then having to speak to her.

"The meeting with Ms. Michaels tomorrow, she wanted to speak with Alby again."

"It will be postponed." She heard from the doorway as Snape and Seamus entered the room, passing through to get tea that she'd smelled brewing.

"Might we make a board for memos with information such as this? So we are all aware of changes in plans?" Percy spoke up and for once Hermione was thankful for his persistence. Snape rolled his eyes and transfigured the tablet Percy had been writing on into a board with the words, etched his his spiky handwriting, 'Albus A. Potter meeting with MLE Michaels rescheduled for Wednesday'. He then swept as he normally did to the kitchen without another word.

"We need to speak with the children about the arrangements. Who will be speaking over the procession?" Hermione asked, feeling incredibly hungry for the first time in hours and not remembering that last time she ate.

"Bill, would you feel comfortable giving remarks?" Charlie asked.

"For Mum and Dad?" He countered, it was then the magnanimity of having a funeral for five people hit Hermione; it felt like all the funerals after the final battle.

"I can speak for Ron and Harry, or maybe we can just all say what we need to say? I don't know how best this needs to be done." Hermione added, feeling her eyes water again, looking under the blanket for a moment at Lily's angelic face, trying to distract herself so she didn't melt into a puddle of emotions again.

"Perhaps then one of gives a general statement and then like a wake, we each share something?" Bill offered, and they all nodded, knowing as the eldest child it would most likely be he who would lead them and he felt surprisingly fine with the idea.

"It's settled then, I will write some things up and Hermione if you don't mind looking over it?"

"Of course." Fleur came through with tea for everyone and then Audrey called out that dinner would be finished soon. Hermione used her wand to spell the transfigured board, 'Dinner after funeral, Weasley favorites'. Standing for a moment and going to the nursery where she'd left the grocery lists, she brought them to the dining room and asked if Seamus could go to the store, she'd send the order he would just need to pick it up. He was off in the crack of apparition and she turned back to the dining room, moving Lily out to burp while she gently walked back across the house, she remembered how scary the house seemed when she came there the first time before fifth year, but now it was happily filled with people and Harry and Ginny had done so much to it to make it a true home. She wondered what it would be like when everyone left and it was just herself, Albus, and Lily, until Winnie came home; the thought made her feel the weight of her ever increasing sadness. Rose, James, and Albus running past her brought her out of her fog, she didn't know how long she stood in the hallway leading to the dining room. Fixing Lily again, she took a seat between Rose and Victoire, who were happily chatting about Neville's herbology classes, and she was able to breathe again. She thought better of the tea once she remembered the caffeine and poor Lily, so she poured some water for herself and picked around at the stew. It smelled delicious but she felt oddly repulsed and eating with one hand wasn't easy, so she decided to wait until Lily was asleep again, and instead watched and listened as her family enjoyed some time together during one of the hardest events they'd been through together. It reminded her of Bill and Fleur's wedding, after he'd been mauled by Fenrir Greyback and how she'd surprised them all and showed her true to devotion to him. Looking around the table she caught Charlie's eye again and tried to smile but felt a slight pinch as Lily began to fall asleep. Buttoning her jumper back up, she used the blanket to wipe her tiny mouth and then kissed her softly, resting her against her shoulder and rubbing circles on her back, gently humming as she did and closing her eyes. When she was completely out, Hermione felt Rose reach for Lily, so she handed her over and finally ate her stew, suddenly feeling her appetite return, as it had earlier.

When all the dishes were sent back and the kids informed about the following day, Hermione took Lily to the nursery and rocked her, wishing Winnie was also with them but also trying to imagine what it would be like to have two babies when one was already exhausting. She placed her in the cot and decided to sleep in her regular room again; the house was eerily quiet as she climbed the stairs. She wanted to go back to St. Mungos to see Winnie but knew chancing it that late was a bad idea, so she sat down at the desk and tried to write her thoughts about Ron and Harry, her first friends at Hogwarts, all they'd been through the years before after Voldemort came back, and how hard it had been to return to regular life because life had never really been normal for them. She struggled putting quill to parchment as the time seemed to tick away increasingly faster and faster each time she came out of a memory. Around one in the morning, she heard the charm on the nursery and she went to retrieve Lily. Taking her in her arms in the quiet of the night, she hummed to her, staring deeply into her eyes as she heard a gentle tapping on the door, not having the blanket to cover, she cast a quick spell to disillusion her bare breast and then opened the door with her wand.

"Why are you still awake?" She asked as Severus came through the door, keeping his eyes planted firmly on her face.

"I've made you a sling, for tomorrow to make it easier with her." He held out the emerald green fabric and walked over to her, watching her face as one arm cradled the baby and the other smoothed what little hair she had.

"Of course it's green."

"It was the only fabric I found free upstairs, if you must know." She leaned forward so he could drape it around her, like a pageant sash, and she gently placed Lily in it, watching as it magically held her in place, allowing her to squirm and get comfortable while holding her securely. Hermione felt her arms instantly feel lighter and she smiled up at him, only then realizing that putting on the sling had cancelled the charm she'd put on to have a little modesty.

"Oh, sorry, but this is wonderful, thank you." She felt her blush, as she averted her eyes back to Lily.

"I've seen a breast before, Granger, yours aren't the first." He rocked back on his heel for a moment and then stepped behind her to look at Lily again.

"Well you have not seen mine before, so don't mind me if I blush." She could feel the heat of his body behind her, leaning into the chair and staring down at the sweet baby's face. Suddenly he put his index finger in Lily's impossibly small hand as she rested it on her tiny stomach; Hermione's breath hitched as she felt him leaning over her. This was the first time she'd really seen him around a baby for more than a few moments. Harry had always been aggressively inclusive with Severus, inviting him to every possible event his family held at Grimmauld Place, but Hermione didn't recall his interest in James or Albus, and Rose was already five when they'd started working together, so it seemed odd to her that he was taking an interest in Lily. Craning her neck slightly, she chanced a look at him and found the most vulnerable expression she'd ever seen on him, his eyes were soft, there was almost a smile on his lips, it made him look younger by many years and certainly less terrifying than he'd always been to her when she was younger. This was a man who could be loved and love easily, or at least he was giving the appearance of it as he held onto Lily's tiny hand. As though sensing her gaze on him, he leaned forward a little more and took an even closer look at her eyes.

"She has incredible eyes." Looking back at Lily, Hermione had to admit the infant was beautiful, far prettier than most babies, and her eyes were remarkable, though still unclear as to what color they'd be, they were like tiny kaleidoscopes, as light hit them, the color shifted.

"I checked on Winnie an hour ago, they gave me this for you; it's charmed to update every few hours." Hermione took the object from his hand and saw her own beautiful child, eyes open and alert, sticking her tongue out for a moment and then looking towards whatever had been filming her, her tiny hand flexing a bit. It caused Hermione to cry immediately.

"Severus…"She couldn't form words as her tears rolled down her face and onto Lily's, she watched as he wiped them away from her tiny face as he let go of her hand. "You've given me two amazing gifts." She finally choked out, keeping the framed picture of Winnie in one hand as she awkwardly tried to wipe her face with her sleeve.

"It's an apology, with you I take for granted far too often how calm and agreeable you are, and when you aren't it is such a shock to my system. It's inexcusable, without you I wouldn't be here at all and I repay you by making you feel terrible for wanting to see your child. You've lost your husband and best friends. I'm sorry, Hermione, truly, I was worried for your safety and I let my temper rule my tongue, it's a habit I'm afraid I cannot break even after years of hurting those who tolerate me." His candor surprised Hermione, he'd been frank with her often but not necessarily about his feelings or apologetic when he was nasty. Typically, when he was especially raw and cruel, he brought her tea and her favorite biscuits or arranged for her favorite curry chips from the chippy a few blocks away from their offices. She wondered what was making him voice his feelings and apology and then the thought struck her, it was Lily. Looking at him again, she saw regret. He'd never been able to repair his relationship with Lily Evans, and her namesake was lying before him with red hair and eyes that might be green some day and she felt the bitter sting of jealousy; it hit her so hard she felt ashamed and confused. She felt her breathing stop and panic hit her, as though she was being choked, so stood carefully but quickly and moved to the dresser where she placed Winnie's framed picture and then took Lily out of the sling, kissing her a few times, trying to make herself breathe as the room felt like it was shrinking, with shaking arms, she placed her in the cot and swiftly charmed her jumper closed and felt an overwhelming need to sit on the floor, so she did, drawing her knees tight to her chest and wrapping her arms around them and burying her face between her knees trying her best to breathe normally. She didn't feel him kneel down in front of her, saying her name. She didn't register him at all until she felt his hands pulling at hers, he kept asking her something but her mind only processed the baritone of his voice and not what he was saying. Feeling the pressure of his arms around her body, she felt herself being lifted and carried, if she had wanted to fight him it would've been impossible, he was incredibly strong. Finally, as he placed her on her on the kitchen counter and even though he was so much taller than her, she felt as close as eye to eye with him as she'd ever been.

"How much did you eat at dinner?" She finally registered his words and heard fear, and the guilt washed over her again. Pushing him away, she tried to slide off the counter but his arms held her in place.

"You are feeding a child and you're still losing blood, Hermione you have to eat more. Stop being so stubborn and let me help you."

"It's ssnot fffoodd, pppanic…"She couldn't form more words; the years after the final battled she had had many panic attacks, but this triggered by something far more sinister in her mind and it was most likely the reason she couldn't let him continue touching her.

"Your blood sugar is dropping rapidly as you sit fighting me, working around potions has afforded me a few healing skills, and diagnostics is one of those skills. Stay there." He grabbed some biscuits from the pantry and poured her some milk, looking for something substantive to make as she munched on the biscuits. It took all her strength not to look at him, not to vomit from her guilt. He held the milk for her, offering it when she finished a biscuit, then helped her down from the counter to a seat in the breakfast nook as he made her an omelette. Every now and then she glanced at him, meticulous in his efforts as he prepared her food, believing her low blood sugar was causing her distress.

"Here, small bites." He cut the omelette into small bites and watched as she ate, each bite looked like a struggle until she'd eaten about half and drank more of the milk.

"Am I going to have to put a charm on you to force you to eat?"

"I wasn't purposely avoiding food, it's been a long few days and I'm still adjusting to having a baby again, and I…"She almost said it- she almost admitted that his kindness towards her, though it vacillated, had led her down a path of emotions she couldn't process and the brevity of the situation forced her to admit she was clinging to comfort wherever she could find it; with Charlie, with George, and with Severus. It was unfair to them and completely unfair to herself because she was simply masking her pain with that comfort.

"And I've been cruel to you, I meant what I said, I apologize, though I still believe you should not go anywhere without an auror…" She interrupted him, "I understand and I appreciate that you've apologized but I must apologize as well, I've been…" But words failed her again, she knew she needed to say she had gotten jealous of an emotion she thought she saw in him when he looked at Lily, and that her guilt when she'd so recently lost her husband made her sick. Before she could find words again, she simply bowed her head and rubbed her eyes, she was tired of crying.

"Come on, finish up your eggs and I'll help you upstairs. I cast the charm on Lily, so you can rest easy and I grabbed this in case you want an update when you wake up." But when she finally looked at him, he finally registered the haunted look on her face, the deep sadness in her eyes that threatened to spill over again. She quickly ate the rest of the omelette, stood and cast a spell to clean the mess, to send the dishes and pan back to their proper place, then took the frame of Winnie in her hand. Guilt washed over her as she thought of his kindness, his behavior was so un-Snape like that it was overwhelming her senses. Contrite and often caustic, Severus Snape had only twice before actually said he was sorry for something, so the offer of biscuits, omelette, and milk after everything else was too much. It was though she was waiting for the true Severus to appear, to rip her raw emotions into shreds and reduce her to the fool she was, so when he offered his arm to help her up the stairs, she stopped and faced him with renewed strength.

"Why are you doing all of this?" Her voice was one she didn't recognize, coming from depths she only knew when they'd been hunting horcruxes.

"What do you mean?"

"Apologizing, making me eggs, making the family meet and discuss details, providing a security team of aurors around my tiny baby, making sure Sinistra allows us the funeral because I know George didn't swing that on his own, the sling, this beautiful gift of seeing my girl when I cannot actually be there...so I ask again, why are you doing this? Did you lose a bet to Arthur some years ago? Why?" She saw his face form into steel, as though he'd thrown up barriers again and she almost chided herself until he offered his arm again.

"Are we not friends?" He asked and she nodded. "These people were important to me, too, it's not about you all the time, Granger." She felt the sting of that blow immediately and wanted nothing more than to disappear. Diverting her eyes to Winnie's frame, she saw it update and looked down at her daughter, the wisps of red curls framing her face. She had far more hair than Rose had at birth and she could tell Winnie was going to have the same pert nose that Rose had, the Granger nose.

"I would never gamble the care of someone's family nor friends...is that what you think of me, truly?"

"I wasn't asking to wound your pride, Severus, I asked because I keep waiting for you to tell me to get over myself, to stop crying, to stop worrying. You seem to appear at every moment when I do something completely stupid or embarrassing, when I'm leaking or bleeding like a stuck pig. I am waiting for you to be disgusted with me." The last words were whispered and her earlier guilt returned, why did she care so much what her colleague thought. He wasn't her boss, he wasn't her professor. But his opinions had come to matter to her and she didn't want to be the snivelling mess she'd become in her grief.

"Let's get you to bed, you're obviously losing it for real, Granger." His voice was light but she could tell she'd struck a nerve in him, so she grabbed the banister and walked on her own to her room, climbing all the flights of stairs regretting every word and every moment of what had occurred between them in the wee hours of the day she would bury her husband, best friends, and surrogate parents. She didn't know if he watched her walk the stairs or if he followed her because his steps were always so light; she simply walked into the loo and changed the massive pads St. Mungos had given her, ingested the potions and hoped the physical pain would soon ebb. She could barely recall Winnie's birth, but she certainly felt it when she shifted her body or tried to use the loo, rubbing her eyes she tried not to think of everything that needed to get done, so crawled into bed. Her pulse was still racing but with one final look at Winnie, she finally fell asleep tears still falling down her cheeks and onto her pillow. She yearned to have Ron's arms around her, to make her feel something besides guilt and shame, for him to be alive and not lost to her forever.

Hours later, when he was sure she was asleep, he moved across her room and put out an anti-anxiety potion to make the day easier. When he turned to watch her sleeping, he heard her tiny, consistent breaths and wondered if she was dreaming. Taking a peek into her mind, he found her between her conscious and unconscious mind, the beginnings of a dream scenario taking form and thought he hadn't expected it at all, he saw himself feature heavily in her dream. It was odd but not unwelcome; so before he left the room, he stole one last glance at her and saw for the first time, at the top of her chest had some odd marking he'd never seen before and assumed they were from her time hunting horcruxes.

SSHG SSHG

 _(After working with Snape for a year in MLE)_

 _Hermione arrived in the infirmary after the attempt to stop Sirius' death, her body flayed and broken but she was unconsciously unaware of the pain. As Madame Pomfrey twittered around the room, trying her best to aid everyone in discomfort, she called on Processor Flitwick to help with healing charms as the students with minor injuries were fixed and sent back to their doemistoriez. When she came to Hermione, she recited a charm over and over until the bleeding stopped, but she desperately needed Professor Snape to aid her with restorative potions to stop the bleeding and replenish the blood she'd lost. But he was detained by Voldemort, most likely helping the Death Eaters. By the time she was able to get Hermione healed, too much time had passed and Hermione's wounds too deep, leaving jagged scars across her torso, stretching from her breastbone to her pelvis and around her body like a vice. It looked like lightning in the ski. When Severus finally returned the next day, Hermione had been discharged with healing cream and then went home to her parents under strict a orders to apply the restorative healing cream three time day. All would have been healed had she not been crucio'd by Bellatrix LeStrange two years later at Malfoy Manor. As quickly as the image of the Department of Mysteries dictated her dream, she felt the torture of Bellatrix's wand, her knife, delving deeper and deeper into her arm._

 _In her sleep, Hermione whimpered, her body covered in sweat, her skin screaming for relief and when she woke, she looked to the word on her arm; it was bleeding again. There was rest for the weary however, so she got ready for work and found Severus and Seamus working on the Tartaglia case, neither looked to her as she entered, so she slipped into her office and blotted the jagged letters on her arm. Finally an hour later when she been sitting and working on the final brief for their vampire case, representing a Strigoi from Romania, Hermione felt the pressure of the air in her room shift so she looked up and saw Severus with a tray of biscuits and hot tea._

 _"Trying to tame the Beast?" She asked, noting that he set the tray down before actually looking at her._

 _"You seemed distressed; just extending the kindness you've shown me." Hermione snickered then took a biscuit; ginger and orange, her favorite and then sized up her colleague. They been working together for eight months already and she counted him as more than just her partner in the firm, they'd become friends over that time. Yet, as she thought of her dream, remembering the healing of the curse inflicted upon her, and how the only person who'd ever really seen the worst of it, Ron, hated the way it made her look._

 _"Thank you for the healing potions you made after the incident at the Department of Mysteries." She nibbled a biscuit and sipped the Darjeeling tea he brought her when he thought she was having a bad day._

 _"That's a bit random."_

 _"I've been having nightmares." Staring at him over the rim of her cup, she saw him shift a few times then fold his hands across his lap._

 _"I hadn't realized you'd been injured."_

 _"Madame Pomfrey sent me home immediately because she needed someone to help me with the creams, some areas affected were of an intimate nature. I just wish they hadn't reopened when I was at Malfoy Manor." He was sure he'd misheard her; how could a small hex have caused so much danger?_

 _"Well, biscuits and your favorite tea should help." It was clearly out of friendship, even though it was budding and new. That had convinced him to bring her tea._

 _"Thank you, Severus. "_

 _"I should be thanking you, Granger." Mouth full of biscuit, Hermione couldn't ask why, she simply shook her head and waved him off. Finally able to speak, she sipped her tea and contemplated his meaning._

 _"Because I bring you bacon and egg sandwiches?" He deftly picked up a biscuit and dipped it on his tea, careful not to splash._

 _"I think you know better than that." He saw the wheels turning in her brain, the way she nibbled her lip when she was upset, contemplative, or worried, and knew she was confused. Her confusion and worry emanated like a poisonous has, threatening to force him to do something he'd regret._

 _"I'll leave you to your missives." And he was gone, but after that she was sure he regarded her as a true friend and in his small way, though it seemed to be taking months, he was recreating the easy friendship they'd had after the war before he'd snapped. Steeling herself against him would be difficult again and letting him in seemed impossible. Severus Snape was an enigma, one that forced her mind down so many avenues that she got lost in thoughts of him, thoughts of how difficult his life had been or how empty he might feel knowing that emerge entire wizarding world knew his life story._

 _Hours later when they all walked to the lifts to head home, Hermione saw her daughter running towards her with Arthur._

 _"Rose!"_

 _"Mummy! I taught Poppy to use the microwave today and beat him in chess twice." Rose jumped into her arms, all dark red hair and soft curls, her massive blue eyes filled with wonder and excitement._

 _"She's a genius, that one." Arthur took her small hand and kissed it. "One for Poppy?" Rose reached over and kissed Arthur's cheek and then leaning from her mother's arms, hugged Arthur tightly around his neck._

 _"Is Poppy letting you win?" Hermione asked, kissing Rose's checks and sniffly her tightly._

 _"She's far surpassed my abilities and her father's, we'all have to find her a worthy opponent." Mindlessly she turned to Severus, but she knew how he felt about children after multiple conversations with Harry about Severus' refusal to attend anything he invited him to._

 _"Mister Sebrus, do you play chess?" Rose batted her eyelashes towards him and waited. In fact they all waited, what would he say to this sweet girl?_

 _"I do, in fact. Perhaps sometime your Granny or father can bring you and we can see how you fair against a master." She squealed with delight, clasping her arms around Hermione's neck as they all entered the lift. He apparently needed to go a floor further, so as the lift door shut, she whispered, "thank you", to him and waved him off. It finally felt like the Severus she knew after the war, one who enjoyed her company, one who would make sure his terse words were followed by something marginally kind, where biscuits came freely but so did acerbic comments, and in the end he gained just as much as he gave, finding his place in the world. When she arrived home that night, Ron was still at the shop so she made meatloaf and crispy baked potatoes, hoping the following day would give her the same Severus she'd seen by the afternoon. It had, she found, been the door that opened their world, their friendship grew from that day, from tea and biscuits, from more understanding about her afflictions, and his gentle acceptance of her daughter's affections._


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: *I updated chapter 2 since the italics weren't present, I apologize if this was confusing! This chapter handles the funerals (they are immediate due to the worry surrounding a possible attack). Thanks to everyone who has reviewed or followed. This was a tough chapter to write, there are more things happening in the past in this one to illustrate how difficult the situation is for HG and also the duality of her marriage to Ron/relationship with SS. Thanks for reading! Warnings: mentions character deaths and mentions of miscarriage.**

Chapter 3- The Funeral

( _After working with Snape for two years)_

 _He could see she was visibly distressed and wanted to ask her what was bothering her, but he couldn't, he saw her husband come to her side and shuffle her away but he could still see that she was upset. Sometimes it was too much to work so close to her and not be able to express himself, to tell her that she had grown into a lovely woman, headstrong and capable everything he'd misjudged her for when she'd left Hogwarts to go to university and then to come work at the Ministry had been reversed, but of course he wouldn't admit that to her unless hard pressed to. As she came back into the ballroom, he could see she'd been crying, he could feel the pull at his navel, like a portkey, to go to her and try and help her, but he fought the urge and stayed in his place. When he found her alone an hour later, he handed her a fluted glass filled with sparkly champagne and orange juice, a mimosa he was told, and waited for her to talk._

 _"Do you ever just want to go away?" She whispered, taking sips of her drink and trying not to think about how she'd fought with Ron several times over the previous week, well months really, though they'd been small fights at first._

 _"Sometimes, but I find that distance does little to assuage the problem which makes you want to leave." He looked anywhere but her face, knowing that seeing tears in her eyes would make him say or do things that he knew were inappropriate._

 _"True, you're right, it's just, I'm...I'm tired." Her hand came to rest on his forearm, the chill of her hand reached him through the layers of wool and it forced him to look at her._

 _"What has you so troubled, Granger?" He led her from the ballroom to the balcony overlooking the small fountain below and waited for her to talk, but she seemed lost and though he didn't draw into her mind, he could see that she was far more upset than he had originally perceived._

 _"I've asked Ron to quit his job. It just doesn't make sense for both of us to be employed in somewhat demanding positions that require so much time,and he is making this so much harder than it has to be...basically telling me that my job isn't valid and all the work I've done has been for nothing. Can you believe that? I had no idea that I was married to such a neanderthal." Though he wanted to agree, though he wanted to add that he didn't understand what attracted her to him at all, he didn't. Instead, he sighed and watched the water cascade from the fountain, wishing he could pull her into his arms and tell her she was the brightest, strongest, witch he knew._

 _"I know, I shouldn't complain about him to you, but I don't know who to talk to anymore. Ginny has a new baby and Luna is traveling with Rolf in Taiwan. I'm sorry." Momentarily he was struck by the sadness in her voice, he hadn't heard her like this since the miscarriage and he certainly didn't want to handle this like he had handled her after such a loss._

 _"You know whose side I will take, so don't expect impartiality on my part." She turned towards him, wiping her eyes free of tears and trying not to smear the makeup Ginny had done for her hours before. "Your feelings are valid." He added, but that seemed to only make things worse._

 _"I know they are, but he doesn't. He thinks it's his job to be a provider like this is the 1800s and he cannot fathom his wife having a job more prestigious than his, even if he will be helping his brother run the family business. I just cannot worry about him all the time and our daughter shouldn't have to grow up with a father who cares more about the adrenaline of his job than her." He heard her huff and then, out of nowhere she downed the rest of the mimosa and walked to the doorway where a tall table stood, collecting empty glasses._

 _"You know he cares for her."_

 _"Of course he does, but it's not fair to me to ask me to quit when my job isn't nearly as dangerous and I make far more money." He could hear what she wasn't saying, that she wasn't made to stay home and take care of a toddler._

 _"What are you really upset about because it seems that the rational part of your brain has left and has been replaced with a raging harpy." Instead of becoming angrier, which he expected from her, he watched as Hermione's face fell, her tears forming again and he felt it, all of her sadness, as though she was re-feeling every bad moment from her life._

 _"It isn't fair that I've worked so hard and went back to school, that I did everything right and he had things handed to him. I told you I'd have to prove myself for the rest of my life and I was right." Severus turned to her, looking fully at her face, into her eyes and saw the same determination he'd seen many times, except he also saw and felt her annoyance and fear._

" _And if your sons had lived?" Her eyes closed and he watched her tremble._

 _"Sometimes you push me too far, Severus." When she opened her eyes, he was sure he would be dead if her eyes could've controlled her magic._

 _"I only want to help you, as always."_

 _"Help me? I need a friend right now not another person who passes judgement. I don't need anyone else to tell me I spend too much time at work or I should be a better mother or that my body is…" She stopped, not wanting to reveal how terrible she felt about herself most of the time. "I thought you, of all people, would at least agree that wasting my brain is not an option."_

 _"You are a mother, your daughter depends on you. Be angry with Weasley, but never neglect your child for your job." He spat back, losing his patience with her diatribe and self-pity. His thoughts traveled back to his own mother, who'd sacrificed much to please her husband and fell prey to his whims, neglecting Severus for the majority of his life. He wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone and especially not Rose, who he had to admit was a rarity amongst children._

 _"I have never neglected my daughter, you assine fool. You're just like him, like all of them, I swear. I used to be able to talk to you, but now I feel like you judge me far more harshly than you used to, why is that?" Pinching his arm so he didn't lash out or tell her the things he wasn't allowed to say, he simply bowed his head._

 _"I only want you to see that this isn't the end of the world, that you will work it all out because Weasley loves you and he wouldn't hurt you."He watched as her face contorted, as she looked down at her body as if to see through her clothing and he could sense her remorse and the same painful self-hatred he never thought he'd see in her, a feeling he undoubtedly knew all too well._

 _"Yes, he would and he has; you have no idea...I love him, but sometimes I wonder what it is he loves about me because I certainly don't understand it right now." He felt it again, the need to hold her tightly. The need to take her far away from the Ministry gala and show her what it meant to be loved, but he knew he couldn't and had his down doubts about his own abilities to show someone he loved them. Suddenly, there was a powerful surge of anger he could barely describe at the thought that Ron had hurt her. He wanted to know exactly how he'd hurt the beautiful woman before him, so vivacious and giving of herself; how could anyone hurt her?_

 _"I guarantee if you asked him right now, he could give you a multitude of reasons." He tried to sound impartial, he tried to ease her mind but it was taking every ounce of his strength not to march into the ballroom and hex the redhead._

 _"I guess you're right, I am being foolish. I'm not a child anymore and complaining to you about our fight solves nothing." The wind picked up a bit as she turned and leaned against the edge of the bannister, arms folded across her chest and tears steadily falling._

 _"If he hurts you again, I'll bury him so deep in the Forbidden forest even the spiders won't find him." He tried to sound jovial, as her friend pretending to be protective when he really did what to get rid of Weasley everyday._

 _"He hates spiders, maybe you could offer him up in exchange for their venom or a fang or two." They both laughed a bit and then Hermione turned morose again, thinking back to collecting potions ingredients with him as he worked on recovery, how she'd done everything asked of her even if it was a bit frightening, even if she questioned whether Severus was sane some days. All of the memories hit her quickly, the alcohol fueling her nostalgia, so before she left the balcony, she turned and held his forearm again._

 _"Someday you'll have to tell me why you threw me out, I feel my life might've taken a different path if you'd let me remain your friend." And then she was gone, she didn't wait for his response; he stood and watched her leave, regret and guilt boiling over as it always seemed to with her. The great loves of his life ruled him in agony, toying with his emotions as though it was the only way he knew to love someone. He wished he'd never sent her away; he wished the night they'd collected edelweiss that he'd kissed her as they stood under the full moon, her hair wild and untamable, like her spirit. He would never forget how her eyes pleaded with his to kiss her, nor the words he said the next day wrenching her from his life slowly each day until she was gone._

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

They used a portkey to get to Hogwarts, aside from Hermione who apparated with Severus so she could carry Lily safely. They were at the gates faster than she expected and walked together to the graveyard Hermione had never noticed while she was a student. Severus had explained that aside from Dumbledore's tomb, unless someone was directly related to or had a relationship with someone buried in the graveyard, it wouldn't be visible to them. Although it took then a while to walk to it, it gave them all a quiet reflection time under the protection of the castle's spells and the aurors. She curved her arm through Severus' so she didn't fall as they walked, her legs weak and wobbly from childbirth.

The administrators of St. Mungos had brought the bodies of their loved ones to Hogwarts so when Hermione finally saw them all in their caskets, she was devastated; even though she'd tried to mentally prepare herself for this moment, she couldn't have prepared herself for the immediate tidal wave of pain she felt. Letting go of Severus and putting an arm around Rose's shoulders, they walked together to the graveyard for all the fallen and Hermione tried to think of something positive to keep herself from crying, a memory or a moment with her best friends and family, anything to stop the breathtaking agony brewing inside her.

Before anyone spoke, several aurors cast additional spells around them to protect the proceedings and it occurred to Hermione how surprisingly good the Ministry had been to them since the war. She knew it had a lot to do with Kingsley Shacklebolt being Minister for Magic and Ron and Harry both having been aurors, but still, she wished she could express how much she appreciated all the effort they'd gone to for the Weasley and Potter families.

Immediately, it reminded her of the combined wedding she'd had with Ginny and Harry; how Molly had been so angry because none of them wanted anything spectacular, just to go to the Ministry and have it done and then have a nice dinner. She and Ginny didn't even wear white, they both wore the same gorgeous violet robes and their husbands wore dress robes similar to the one Harry had worn for the Yule Ball all those years before. Pulling the beaded bag from her side, she searched for the picture of all four of them, happy and in love, standing before the doors of the Ministry, married for mere minutes. They waved to her, those young people who had no idea what life would bring them after already surviving so much. She focused first on Harry and Ginny; she felt so much the sting of Harry's life being taken by some crazed person, perhaps connected to former Death eaters or perhaps it wasn't related at all, just some elaborate act of desperation for attention, regardless she knew he'd deserved for everything he'd been through. In their thirteen year marriage, Hermione had seen them bicker but never truly fight, she'd witnessed how Harry learned to be a father, to open his heart to the possibility of loving without fear because he'd lost so much. And Ginny, how she'd been strong enough for both of them when Harry felt he failed at being a father, particularly with James. People had expected all of them to move on with their lives as though they hadn't experienced true terror, and though having James made things remarkably better in the Potter household, Harry had often voiced to her how inept he felt as a father.

Her eyes moved to she and Ron and how carefree they looked, both anxious about the party and that night, though it was hard to see unless you really looked for it in their faces. They'd certainly done their exploring, but Ron had wanted to wait until they were married to make love with her the second time, as though somehow the first time in her bedroom at Grimmauld Place didn't count. Ron, defending himself by saying that he wanted to be fully hers before they took that step, and also joked about the virility of Weasley men; neither wanted a surprise baby before they were settled in careers. And even if they hadn't kept that promise, she still remembered how it felt to fall in love with Ron. Closing her eyes, she recalled how much she'd wanted him that night, how he'd taken her hand and led her to their room in the sweet bed and breakfast on the coast of Ireland. For years her crush on him had been boiling under her skin, her jealousy over Lavender Brown, her anger when he'd left when they were in the Forest of Dean, and ultimately when he admitted his feelings after the Final Battle, kissing her in the Chamber of Secrets with passion she'd seen in him only connected to quidditch. On the first night of their honeymoon, though some bits had been awkward because they were both nervous, she felt all the years she'd loved him complete, in his arms she felt beautiful and desired, safe and worshipped, at least until they turned the lights on. They hadn't slept a wink that night, both thrilled to finally be together, to finally be free, and though some the nights in the years that followed were sometimes fraught with bitter misunderstanding or miscommunication, she could always remember their first night, and know that they would triumph over any argument because they were both devoted to each other, even when things were tough or she felt ignored, there was something about Ron that signaled home, even when she had doubts or let her guilt take over her life. Opening her eyes, she looked at his face, tracing it with one of her fingers and showed Rose, who laughed a bit seeing her parents and aunt and uncle so young and silly.

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

 _(When Hermione discovered she was pregnant with Rose)_

 _For weeks Hermione had been feeling off, it was enough to make her question whether she'd eaten something rotten or if she'd caught the bug that was going around the office. Eventually, she forced herself to go to a healer and when she was told she was expecting, she was visibly shaken. She'd just started a job at the Ministry with the magical creatures department and didn't know how to even process having to give up the job when it became too dangerous for her to be involved in certain cases. But pervading all those thoughts was telling Ron and wondering how it had happened. They used potions and spells, they were always careful, and for a moment, she couldn't decide if she was happy about the news._

 _Hours later when she apparated to Grimmauld Place and walked through the doors to the kitchen, she saw Ginny sitting with Harry and Ron, all three turned to her as she dissolved into tears._

 _"What has happened, love?" Ron held her tightly, looking over to Harry and Ginny, confused._

 _"I've been to the healer...we're expecting." Ginny immediately squealed and ran over to Hermione._

 _"Did they say how far along?" Ginny asked, knowing that she was also pregnant and hadn't told anyone yet._

 _"fifteen weeks, I don't understand how I didn't know."_

 _"Well I'm four weeks, so we'll be going through this together. Mum is going to die." Hermione wiped her eyes and looked between the three of them again, confused and emotional, she tried to look pleased but knew she was failing. Ginny and Harry would be having their second child and now she and Ron their first, one she thought they might never have._

 _"Are you alright?" Harry asked, holding her hand across the table and trying his best to get a read on her._

 _"Yes, just shocked...I just thought I was sick, but it makes more sense now." Finally, she concentrated on Ron who looked pleased beyond measure, and decided she would be happy because even if their child wasn't planned, she'd thought they might never get to have any at all and a surprise baby was a sweet gift. Baby James squealed in the corner, for a moment she could barely fathom how Ginny was going to take care of two babies so close together, the weight of just one making her feel overwhelmed._

 _"It was Pisa." She whispered in his ear, causing them both to giggle thinking about their short trip to Italy and she recalled quite clearly they'd been too intoxicated to cast the charm. Finally feeling the weight of the news lift for a moment, her tears flowed just as hard but she felt happy; happier than she'd ever been._

 _"Our children are going to be so close. Should we tell Mum and Dad together, like our wedding?" Hermione hugged Ginny tightly, wiping her eyes quickly and nodding; it would be a glorious surprise for her parents-in-law._

 _Arthur and Molly were as shocked as Hermione had been, but overjoyed and as though these two babies were there first grandchildren, Molly began immediately planning and knitting, offering herself as a babysitter whenever she was needed. It all overwhelmed Hermione who was still having difficulty imagining being a mother at all, little alone imagining the child as a real human being. Months later when Charlie came home for a brief vacation, Hermione felt like she could finally express all her fears and misgivings about what kind of mother she would be and if she should stop working. Although he told her that she would be a terrific mother, it did little to calm her mind. The next months were fraught with doubt until Charlotte Rose was born, bright red hair and puffy red cheeks; Hermione had fallen in love instantly and although she was still terrified, she loved her little girl so much, that feeling pervaded all others._

 **SSHGSSHG**

"Why did you all get married on the same day?" Rose asked, having never really been curious about it before.

"We didn't want Granny forcing us into a big wedding, so we told them the morning of, got dressed and went to the Ministry. She probably never forgave me and your Uncle Harry for that."

"Is that why Alby and I have birthdays so close?" Hermione smiled for a moment, thinking about how clever her daughter was just when she believed her to be more like Ron.

"No, that was purely coincidental, as is the coincidence of Lily and Winnie's births, but it certainly made it easier. And your birthdays' aren't that close, not like Lily and Winnie, really. And besides, it was years later when you were conceived." Rose looked forward for a moment, then turned to Hermione again.

"Did you want another baby after me? I mean, before Winnie?" Hermione's face fell, she knew someday she'd have to tell Rose about the brothers she almost had, but wasn't counting on it being the day they buried Ron, this wide-eyed, freckled face adolescent before her who seemed to be handling the loss of her father far too well.

"We tried, sweetie and desperately wanted you to have a sibling, but we lost two, boys, and thought it would never happen. But, then Winnie came and I hoped it wouldn't be too late for you."

"I'll love her, I'm sure. I'm just sad she won't have Dad to make her pancakes or sing her silly songs." Hermione didn't quite know how to respond, so she put her arm around Rose. She tightened her grip on Rose's shoulder and pulled her closer, desperately seeking the warmth of her body and pressure of another human being.

Bill began to speak and though she tried to clear her mind, she kept replaying moments of her and Ron's life together; when Rose was born, how he'd carried her around the ward as though she was the triwizard cup, how proud he'd been to have a child with Hermione. She remembered when they'd finally moved out of Grimmauld Place and bought the townhouse. At first they'd lived with Harry and Ginny out of security; though they'd all been given Orders of Merlin and a healthy pension for services rendered, that year on the hunt for horcruxes had made them leery of being alone. The semester Hermione had gone back to Hogwarts to continue her NEWTS lessons had been the best and worst of her life; she missed her friends and though she had Ginny and Luna, they weren't Ron and Harry. Instead, she spent most of her time with Severus as he convalesced after the battle, taking time to relearn to walk, talk, and use magic after the venom from Nagini had paralyzed his body. She hadn't seen him much after her graduation and subsequent job at the Ministry in Magical Law Enforcement, until he showed up a few years later as a new member in her department. Looking over to him as they sat and listened to Bill's words, Hermione wondered if he remembered all the time she'd spent with him in the infirmary, taking care of him was as close as she could get to being with Harry and Ron again. He hadn't judged her for going back to school, at least not at first, and the time she spent using her brain, asking questions they pondered together, it was a time of glory. Shuddering, she felt a cool breeze go through her and she finally put the picture down, and tried to concentrate on Bill's words but Lily stirred, so she took her from the sling and held her against her shoulder, rubbing her back and kissing her soft hand.

"Do you want me to take her?" Rose asked, holding her arms out and though Hermione was reluctant to hand her over, she could see Rose needed the comfort. In what seemed like perfect timing, Charlie sat down after saying some words and motioned for Hermione to stand. She took off the sling and walked to stand beside the podium, thankful to have something to lean on and took a deep breath.

"I never thought I'd be back at Hogwarts so soon and certainly not for this purpose. But, here we are, all mourning our loved ones who we can never bring back, even if we desperately wish we could. I don't want to be morose or melancholy because it's not what Ron would've wanted and since I so clearly followed all of Ron's missives, " she paused laughing at herself, they all knew she rarely followed anything Ron told her to do, "I thought to share a story about Ron, my giving, honest, hardworking husband of almost fourteen years. We were in the townhouse the first night and neither of us had considered the electricity, somehow living at Grimmauld Place had made me far less muggle than witch, so when we were trying to cook dinner, we forgot that the electricity had to be turned on for the range to work, and we could've used magic but we didn't think about that either, so we kept waiting for the water to boil for the noodles and nothing, the water just sat in the pot, and I finally went to the panel and remembered we needed to turn on the main breakers...anyway, when I returned to the kitchen, a spell he'd used worked so well the noodles exploded, we found noodle bits for weeks after that, and I can't remember him ever making spaghetti again." Folding her arms, she looked over to Rose who was gently rocking Lily, and she saw so much of him in her expression; his blue eyes, his red hair, his cheek bones, his amazing, stubborn love.

"Rose, your father told me the day you were born that you were simply the greatest thing either of us had ever done. You were worth more than medals, fame, money, he would've done anything for you, and he did. When being an auror took him away from you too often, he quit and started working with your Uncle George. Making you smile was his greatest wish every single day and I hope that when you think of him, you never wonder how much he loved you because it was clear in every action, every story he read to you, every time he let you beat him in chess, every quidditch match with your cousins; I hope, poppet, that you never doubt for one second he would've cheered you on in any adventure of your life. And now I must ask that you continue that tradition, because you are so like your father. When Winnie and Lily need you, when they want a story or to play a game, I hope you will think of your father and how selflessly he would drop what he was doing to be with you because you are so like him, so giving and loving, and mischievous." Taking another breath she looked at her nephews.

"Jamie and Alby, there are so many stories I could tell you about your parents, so many times they made me laugh or cry, that we'd been through so much together, but I will let your uncles do that, instead I just want to say that I will never replace them, I will never be able to give you exactly what they would have because your mother was a fierce warrior, having six brothers taught her unimaginable strength, which I know you've seen, and your father, his life was hard, indescribably sad at times, but he was optimistic to the last, he wouldn't want either of you to mourn him but to take that optimism and conquer the world. Jamie, you are so like him whether you'll admit it to yourself- danger seems to find you just as it did him, and like him you are strong and brave. And Alby, like your mother, you've learned a good hex or ten, and your ambition will take you places you cannot even imagine now. This moment feels unbearable, as though we will never move on from the hurt of having lost these beautiful souls in such a way, but I promise to love you for the lot of them." Finally the tears came, she'd been strong for long enough so she stepped towards Ron's casket and placed the picture from their wedding day in his cloak pocket and the words she'd written the night before, words she couldn't have said in front of their family, she whispered to him before kissing his lips one last time. She would never regret marrying Ron, the ways her life had been altered because she'd run to him after her graduation from Oxford and thrown herself into a life with him. She would never regret the pain they'd caused each other throughout the years because from each ounce of pain she had far more of love, even if she didn't always understand why. Wiping her eyes she returned to her seat and tried to pull herself together.

Several family members spoke, but Hermione was lost in thought, she couldn't believe she would never see them again, that when she returned to Grimmauld Place, she would have another day or so of company and then they'd be gone; it would be Alby, Lily, and her. She wondered if Severus and Seamus would check on her or if any of the Weasleys would be around because it suddenly felt quite lonely.

"I'll take her back, darling." Lily fussed a bit in Rose's arms, so Hermione reached for her, putting the sling back on and walking off for a moment to position them better. It was truly an ingenious transfiguration and charm that Severus had done; it seemed as though he'd read her mind, felt her discomfort and made the perfect object for her to tackle motherhood again. Standing and looking towards the Black Lake, she wondered if Winnie was alright, if she was safe; she wanted desperately to see her and hold her, she hated being a bit resentful of Lily, and the guilt again of all the disparaging thoughts rattling through her brain.

"They're closing the caskets, Hermione." Severus tapped her shoulder and saw again the hollow eyes from the night before; he led her gently to each one, starting with Arthur and ending with Ron. First, at Arthur's she simply leaned in and kissed his cheeks, unable to form words to express everything she wanted to say. Pausing at Molly's, she whispered, "Thank you for loving me like a daughter and for giving me Ron." At Ginny's, she almost felt her knees buckle, she felt Lily stir. "Ginny, you have a beautiful girl and I promise to love her and her brothers for you." At Harry's, she had to grip the side of his casket, feeling Severus' hand at her lower back, she leaned forward to kiss his cheeks and felt her tears falling, thinking about how unfair the universe was, taking him when he'd already given so much. " Harry, I can never thank you for everything you did, you gave me a place in a world that didn't want me...I wish I could take your place, you deserve to be here, with your beautiful children, raising them until you are old and gray. But you are with your parents now, with Sirius, Remus and Tonks, with Fred.I will love you forever." She looked over to Ron again and watched as Rose hugged him, and cried over him, just as she had. Words escaped her, she just couldn't say goodbye to him. It was all too painful to bear. Rose immediately reached for her as she came to stand by the casket again.

"I don't want to say goodbye, Mum, I just can't." Hermione held Rose as she cried, shifting Lily a bit to hold Rose tightly as they both shook from tears.

"You don't have to, my love, he will be here and you can visit him and talk to him. He will never truly leave you, I promise." But Hermione could barely say the words and though she wanted to believe them, she felt the sting of watching them close his casket like a death knell...Ron was truly dead, gone, out of her reach.

"Come, darling, we are going back home." Hermione held Rose's hand as they walked back to the portkey. Hermione watched as Rose, James, Albus and George left, then the rest in small groups, her last view was the caskets being lowered into the ground as Severus stepped forward, wrapping his arms around her, he wiped a tear from his own eye, and felt Hermione rest her head on his chest, they were gone in a flash and for the first time that day, Hermione felt safe again, secure by the man who had been protecting them for years. When they arrived in front of Grimmauld Place, Hermione felt him pull her quickly to the door as three spells shot through the air, forcing her inside, Hermione caught only a brief glimpse of the assailant, and it hit her instantly why Severus had been reluctant to share who the person he saw in Albus' memory was; the blonde hair, the cane, she would know Lucius Malfoy from miles away, little alone steps away from her. As the door shut, she saw aurors descend upon him in rapid succession, and then they were gone, and Severus was next to her, telling her to take Lily to the nursery but she couldn't move, she couldn't fathom why Lucius had wanted the Weasleys and Potters dead, why he'd gone to such great lengths to kill them, that he thought she'd be with them, too and that was why he had fired a curse at her. It added to the already consuming fear and hurt she felt, so when Severus asked her again to move,again she felt her knees buckle, her legs give and she fell. He caught her before she hit the ground and was immediately thankful the sling had kept Lily secure; he carried them to the nursery and put Lily in the cot, transfiguring the lounger into a small bed for Hermione, he cast _innervate_ and she opened her eyes quickly, scanning the room, Lily and Severus, her breathing accelerated by confusion.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

 _(When Hermione chose to represent Lucius Malfoy)_

 _"And you're volunteering to represent him?" Ron's face turned up, he seemed as angry as she'd ever seen him, it was practically leaking from him and filling the room._

 _"Yes, he's reformed and doesn't deserve to be in Azkaban. They are refusing to give him a lawyer and I can defend him and win. No one deserves to be left without legal counsel, and I have watched his recovery and change; he's given most of his estate to help recovery of the school and to establish funds for children who lost their parents. " Hermione shuffled papers on her desk and found the one where she'd written the legal codes needed to defend Lucius._

 _"Well, I think it's wrong." Ron stood, using his height to try and intimidate Hermione for a moment, then realizing what he was doing, he stepped back and immediately felt guilt._

 _"Look, you can try and persuade me to walk away, but you cannot tell me that an innocent man deserves to rot in jail just because he was a jerk to us growing up."_

 _"You were tortured in his sitting room; he helped Voldemort….he's the reason my brother is dead, men and women like him who followed that lunatic killed people we care about and you're going to defend him?." Hermione could agree with him that Lucius was to blame for many things, but he hadn't cast the spell which took Fred's life._

 _"Ron, that is unfair, he did not kill your brother, nor did he cast the actual spells which tortured me. He and his wife are the reason Harry survived and I agree, he's not a great man, but he doesn't deserve to rot in jail, and neither does Snape. And everyone is entitled to a solicitor, everyone is innocent until proven otherwise. He is not innocent, but he does not deserve to have the rest of his life spent in a prison when he's atoned, he's proven he's altered his world view and made significant strides to prove he will never use any sort of blood politics to further his own ambitions. And without Narcissa, Harry would not be here." She walked swiftly passed him up to their rooms and slammed the door. She'd interviewed Lucius four times already and though she was already aware of his suave and manipulative nature, she knew she wasn't being snowed by him. She knew he'd done terrible things and was clear that he had tried to make amends, his saving grace was Narcissa lying to Voldemort that Harry was dead, then his immediate admittance to a program started by the Ministry to show that once Death Eaters were reformed. She found that bit suspicious, but as his wife had divorced him and his son disowned him, she knew he had no other avenue for recovery._

 _The next day, she met with Lucius again to work on strategy and also to make sure he was prepared for cross examination wherein he would be lambasted for sure._

 _"They've taken Severus into custody today." She whispered after they had talked about the case for two hours. "They won't let me defend him and now i'm sure he won't have counsel at all." She finished writing the last of her brief and looked over to him; he seemed vulnerable._

 _"Is anything troubling you? I mean, more than this, of course." She held up a huge stack of notes and then the actual motions paper she was going to file. It would have been so easy in that moment, looking into eyes she'd spent hours looking into during interviews, building trust in those blue eyes, growing bluer, welcoming as she delved deeper into her own memories of Severus Snape, his hand on her side, his long, dextrous fingers holding her in such a way she could never truly put into words, and then she heard Lucius speaking again and snapped back to reality._

 _"They are trying to villainize him, but Severus was a perfect spy. He never participated in the worst of events and the way they are going to punish him; it's unbelievable." She paused her writing and looked into his eyes again, seeing the fear again._

 _"What do you mean?"_

 _"I do not think I am at liberty to say as of now, but he will most likely not be imprisoned in a traditional way." He curled a quill through his fingers, pausing at perfect points to emphasize his words, figuring out for himself how much the young woman cared for her former potions professor._

 _"How barbaric. I swear, this is all ridiculous." She felt his hand cover hers._

 _"You are a gem, Miss Granger, truly. I know that our history suggests otherwise, but I shall endeavor to make up my wrongs with you." She felt herself blush slightly but quickly hid her obvious discomfort at his attentions. Hermione was not used to men giving her attention, even if it came from someone taught from the cradle how to get what he wanted._

 _"Call me, Hermione, please, we've been working together for long enough and will in the coming weeks."_

 _"Then you must call me Lucius." And from that moment forward, Hermione and Lucius were able to work together without the anxiety or fear that either brought to the table at the beginning. They learned to trust each other, far beyond what Hermione thought was possible. Though she didn't consider him her friend in the same sense as she had Severus at one time, she knew she could count on him if needed._

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

"Was that truly Lucius?" She asked, terror in her voice; he wished he didn't know this distressed version of her so well.

"They assume."

"Why would he do this to us? What could possibly be his motive? He has his freedom, he has his wealth, what more could he possibly want?" Hermione had worked on his case years before, when he and Narcissa had divorced, after he had been tried for war crimes and did community service. Draco and Narcissa had refused to see him again after that, she knew because Harry had run into Draco several times when Draco did consulting work with the aurors.

"I can only assume revenge, but until they question him, this is all conjecture." Hermione bolted up and thought of Winnie, taking her wobbly legs to the stairs and climbing, not listening as Severus protested that she stay still. She finally made it to her room and found the framed picture, a tiny sleeping baby and her heart felt calmed for a moment.

"Can you take me there, please, even if for a moment, just so I can hold her." Hermione asked, knowing he was at her door.

"Fine, but there is still a threat, he may not have acted alone, it might not have been him at all." She walked past him down the stairs, casting a quick spell on Lily and waiting for him at the door. He took her hand and they apparated to the hospital. The aurors let her through immediately and when she saw Winnie, she felt her heart break again. She was so thankful she was well and unharmed, that the security measures Severus had put in place were successful, but she wanted her home. She wanted Ron to have seen her at least once.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

( _Charlotte Rose is born)_

 _They placed the tiny baby in her arms and she didn't quite know what to do. Although she'd held many Weasley progeny over the previous years, this one was partly hers and though it didn't seem she looked much like Hermione, there was something that immediately struck her when she looked at little Rose._

 _"The Mums will want to come in in a minute, are you okay with sharing her yet?" Ron asked, sitting next to her on the cot and helping her hold the tiny girl._

 _"Not just yet, give me a moment more and I'll be happy to let you show her off." Hermione brought her small face closer, she clearly had Ron's lips, a tiny little pout, but in the shape of her fingers, she saw her hands, her mother's hands, her Nonny's hands. She tried her best to memorize everything about the being she and Ron had created._

 _"I don't know if I'll ever be able to put her down." Hermione whispered, smiling between the bundle and Ron as he moved her hair from her neck then kissed her._

 _"You were amazing, I knew you were strong, but watching you...I love you, you know."_

 _"I know." And with that, Hermione handed Rose to Ron and watched as they left the room, her heart going with them with each step. All pregnancy she'd worried she wouldn't be a good mother, that her instincts were left on the battlefield, but as soon as the girl, covered in fluid and screaming was placed in her arms, she knew it would be okay._

 _"I've just seen my namesake." Charlie said as he opened the door._

 _"Isn't she gorgeous."_

 _"Like her mother, of course." Charlie brought her roses of varying shades and sat where Ron had previously been, putting one arm around her shoulders and kissed her head._

 _"You are a flatterer, Charlie."_

 _"Well, Ron knows you only married him so you could be my sister, so it comes naturally." She laughed, the force of which reminded her that she'd just pushed out an eight pound baby and that there was still fluid slowly trickling from her._

 _"Don't make me laugh, I might bleed to death or worse piss myself in front of you." He continued to hold her until the healer came back, casting charms to help with stopping the bleeding and mend her nether regions. Helping her to stand, the healer wanted to ensure she could make it to the loo and back, and though she was sore, Hermione found it felt good to stretch her legs and pee._

 _"Need help in there, Granger?" Charlie called out as she struggled to stand again._

 _"Yes." She meekly replied, but found him ready to help in seconds, lifting her slowly and helping her back to bed as Ron came back in with Rose._

 _"Do I get to hold her now?"_

 _"I suppose, you are her godfather, after all." Ron reluctantly handed Rose to Charlie and watched as his brother softened; he'd always thought of Charlie as a rough and tumble type, taming dragons and living the life of a vagabond, but seeing him with Rose somehow changed that point of view. Charlie looked almost like a father, which made both Ron and Hermione smile. Ron wasn't quite as aware of Charlie's lifestyle as Hermione was, and though she knew he easily could be a father someday, it hadn't quite occurred to her that he might want to; looking at him with her tiny little strawberry tart, she couldn't help but see him surrounded by beautiful little redheads all wanting more stories about dragons._

 _"Did Ginny come? I know she's uncomfortable now."_

 _"No, the godmother will have to meet this one another time. Little baby Potter was making her nauseated, so she stayed home with Jamie who is cutting some new teeth. Harry came, though, he'd like to see you." Charlie hesitantly placed Rose in Ron's arms and left the arm after a quick kiss on Hermione's cheek and a pat on Ron's shoulder. In moments Harry came through and without words made Hermione feel like she'd won some great prize. His green eyes were bright, brighter than she'd seen them in years and when he came to sit with her, it felt for a moment like the times they'd been alone hunting horcruxes, how they'd depended on each other indefinitely._

 _"I never thought we'd get to do all this." He whispered in her ear._

 _"Me either, but look at her...just wait until Albus is born, you'll feel all of this again just like you did with Jamie.." Ron joined them on the other side of the cot and all three looked at the sleeping girl, her tiny face a clear reminder that they'd survived, even if there were days when it was hard to forget the things they'd been through._

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

"I don't think I'll be returning to work for a while, Severus or at least not in the same capacity." Her words floated on the air as she picked up her daughter, still lighter than Lily and held her tightly against her chest, smelling her hair and kissing her head.

"That's to be expected, between having new children and the investigation, Seamus and I can handle things without you for as long as you need." Hermione sat with Winnie, looking up to her chart and seeing that she had gained a few ounces and that her breathing was getting stronger.

"I may need help." She said flatly, wondering how she was going to manage the girls and Albus' schooling, dealing with the townhouse and living at Grimmauld Place, and now an investigation against someone she thought would never be a threat to her family.

"In what way?" He assumed his typical stance, arms crossed, looking quizzically at her as though she'd blown up a cauldron.

"In every way." Like a doe, she looked at him, eyes large and full of fear as though he was a hunter about to take her out. Instead he relaxed a bit and watched as she rocked the tiny baby in her arms, confused as he was many times by her. She couldn't say what she wanted to say, which was a desperate plea to have him around. It was odd to her that she only felt safe when he was near, but actually telling him that worried her, as though it would make him want to stay as far away as possible.

"I can assure you your sisters-in-law would be glad to help you, especially with her and Lily." Hermione nodded, turning her attention to Winnie, realizing she'd forgotten to say goodbye to Hagrid, McGonagall, and Sprout. Other professors had attended but they were all blurs. She was sad that she felt so alone. She didn't care if her sisters-in-law helped or if her parents even could stay, something deep within her wanted Severus around to ease her mind after everything that had happened. Sighing, Hermione watched as Healer-in-training Weston came in to check on Winnie and was pleasantly surprised to see Hermione.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

 _(After working with Severus for three years)_

 _"Why do they make us come to these things?" She asked rhetorically, not expecting Severus to answer as they watched people dancing; they were wallflowers who enjoyed discussing work or other events far more than actually socializing with anyone else at Ministry functions._

 _"They have to parade the heroes, show that things are still good while they covet money from the wealthy." She wasn't surprised by the tone, the sarcasm in his voice but they were both surprised by Kingsley who suddenly appeared next to Severus, edging them towards the dance floor, both reluctantly fell into the other's arm and danced long enough for him to move away._

 _"Seriously?" Severus, holding Hermione's right hand in his, his other at her waist turned to her field of vision and found Ron and Seamus challenging each other in arm wrestling. He could sense immediately her embarrassment, the red in her face dipping lower and lower as he studied her. She wrenched herself from his grasp and went to her husband, leaned in and said something that obviously made him stop, then she stalked out of the room. Severus found her on the balcony again, looking over the same fountain as the year before._

 _"Can you apparate me home?" She threw herself at him, her tears flowing freely and he realized she'd had too much to drink. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and apparated to her townhouse, finding the light off and the house silent._

 _"I guess they took Rose to the Burrow. Do you want some tea?" She watched his face twist, knowing he needed to leave now that she was safely deposited at home but wishing nothing more than to feel for just a second more the same perfect melding of their bodies as she'd taken his hand, placed her other on his should, and moved as close to him as they'd been in years._

 _"Anything stronger?" His eyebrow perked as it always did when he was being marginally playful, so Hermione went immediately to the cabinet above their fridge and grabbed two bottles. It wasn't his finest idea, but he'd also lost most of his sense of propriety, even if only momentarily._

 _"I have rum from St. Lucia or vodka from Kiev?" He quickly took the vodka and poured them both a shot from the tiny shot glasses she kept behind the tea cups. Though they didn't often entertain, when Hermione had guests over and Severus happened to be one, he was quite helpful in the kitchen._

 _"Wait." He made her pause and look at him. "You know that those Easterners say about not making eye contact when you toast."_

 _"We'll die a horrible death?" She chuckled, as he tapped her shot glass with his. They both knew that was not the answer, the tradition was that a person's sex life would be cursed if they did not make eye contact when they toasted._

 _"To winning more cases and having more cooth than our partners."_

 _"Stop making me laugh, imagining Seamus as your partner." The eyebrow shot up again._

 _"Don't think I could finesse him? You have a homosexual brother-in-law, Granger, come on." Hermione poured another for both of them, careful to meet his eye this time from the off._

 _"To you, Severus for salvaging this horrible evening with me." Their shot glasses clinked again and she squinted at him, making a frame with her hands and trying to imagine him with a man. "I guess I could see it, you are rather mysterious you know, perhaps everything we know is a façade and you really are shagging Seamus."_

 _"Now that is a laugh." She waved off another and instead moved to sit in her den, kicking her shoes off and sending them to the door, she stretched her legs to the coffee table and sighed heavily in her sparkly dress. He thought of how long it had been since he'd shagged anyone, and how the thought of having anyone but her made him physically ill._

 _"Do you think if I didn't show up to work tomorrow anyone besides you would notice?" She queried, closing her eyes as she undid the complicated knot in her hair, using her wand to remove the multitude of charms before running her fingers through the curls and leaning into the sofa comfortably._

 _"Probably not, but best not risk it." She could still hear the humor in his voice and peeked one eye at him._

 _"Rats."_

 _"Unhappy in MLE?"_

 _"Not at all, I'd just like a real vacation, I think to France or maybe Italy. My parents are coming back from Australia next week; it always makes me want to travel." She watched him fold his arms as he sat in the chair across from her, his legs crossed, everything about him so neatly put together as always._

 _"You mention this at least once a month, take time off and go. Seamus and I are competent enough to handle the cases. I'm sure Rose would enjoy seeing Rome." It took all of her might not to say she wanted to go alone, she kept that to herself and wondered if perhaps it was time to speak to someone because her feelings were becoming increasingly more erratic and unpredictable. She'd never really dealt with the miscarriages, her terrible self-image, or events leading up to and the final battle. It plagued her often, close to her period when her hormones raged, the images of those she loved dead or dying, including Severus. Sometimes when she got to work, she checked on him several times just making sure he was there, that he hadn't really died on the floor of the shack, mainly due to echoing sounds in her mind, the syllable of his begging, his absolute wish to die when he finally had another chance at a real life._

 _"Heavy thoughts?"_

 _"Stop reading my mind." She pointed her hand at him, forgetting how many wonderful things he'd taught her with wandless magic._

 _"I'm not, you know better." He uncrossed his legs and leaned forward towards her, itching to take her foot in his hands and massage it for her, but knowing it would be too intimate._

 _"My feet probably smell, I'm sorry, I know how sensitive you are." She drew her legs back, unaware of the shift in her dress, giving him a view of her right thigh up to juncture of her hip and underwear, except she wasn't wearing any, not that he could see that far but he could certainly imagine. She mumbled something incoherently at him then promptly fell asleep. Afraid to leave her alone, he covered her with a throw blanket and waited for her husband to return, not realizing how the hours passed until he was almost out himself. Ron stumbled through the door at two in the morning, laughing heartily and then seeing them he tried to be quiet, but was completely incapable._

 _"How long have you been here?" Ron asked Severus, seeing his eyes open._

 _"A few hours." Standing, Severus felt his duty was over, so he headed towards the door but heard Ron trying to wake Hermione._

 _"What are you doing? She's actually sleeping." Severus snapped, watching as Ron's face contorted, the alcohol in his system forcing the possessive side of him out._

 _"What does it matter to you, huh? She's my wife, Snape, unless you've forgotten and I know what's best for her."_

 _"What's best for her is a solid night's sleep and to forget your display at the gala." Severus knew how easily he could put argue Ron, but was trying to keep his voice hushed as not to wake Hermione, who had turned to sleep completely on the sofa._

 _"Display? You mean like you dancing with my wife?"_

 _"You were arm wrestling a top barrister in plain view, how did you expect her to react?" He was a few feet from him now, moving from the door to try and prevent him from waking Hermione._

 _"Just mates being mates, not that you'd know since your mates are all dead except for Malfoy who hides in his house alone. You may have fooled her, but you haven't fooled me." He touched a nerve with that, but Severus refused to let loose everything he could against Ron, instead he gathered his words._

 _"Your wife had more faith in people than anyone I've ever known and so does your daughter. Perhaps if you could move on from your days at Hogwarts, you'd see the rest of the world already has." Ron frowned, purposely leaning into the couch and shaking it a bit, waking Hermione in a fit of terror._

 _"You imbecile." Severus hissed, as he watched Hermione gain her bearings again, her discomfort obvious to him._

 _"Severus? Ron?" She looked between them, posed as though they might duel._

 _"I was just leaving; don't come in tomorrow." Severus waved them off, walking to the door and then through it, apparating to Spinner's End. When he arrived at the Ministry at normal time, he found Hermione in her office nursing a cup of tea and eating a piece of toast._

 _"Good morning." Her smile was genuine, she radiated positivity though she should've been feeling a hangover, especially since it had been so long since she'd had alcohol._

 _"I didn't embarrass myself too badly last night, did I?"_

 _"The perfect model of decorum. Your husband, however." Scrunching her nose, she took a deep breath and chewed more toast._

 _"We can't all be as perfect as you, Severus. Thank you for seeing me home, I really am in your debt." Offering him some of her chocolates, she watched him as he sat across from her, refusing the chocolate even though it was his favorite._

 _"I'm going on a trip."_

 _"Good on you, Granger. It's about time. Where is Weasley taking you?" Hermione put her quill down after signing two briefs and finished her toast._

 _"He isn't, I haven't been home as much with Rose so I'm going to take her to Australia when my parents return, maybe do some hiking or see the opera." He contemplated her, the way she fidgeted and the rise of color in her cheeks; he could feel her guilt emanating clearly through the office and had so many questions for her, questions he'd never ask but all the same he pondered her._

 _"I haven't taken a day since, well you first came here."_

 _"I'm aware; I'm sure it will be an adventure for Rose. Has she been to Australia?" He reached for the chocolate and wondered how long the portkey was to Australia._

 _"No, this will be her first trip. I haven't told her yet, but I'm sure she'll be excited. Aside from you, my father is the only one who can challenge her at chess. Perhaps she'll come back with new moves." As though on cue, Seamus popped in and took half of the chocolate bar._

 _"Sorry we made fools of ourselves last night, Granger, but Ron is so easy to goad." As she looked at Seamus, he watched her expression sour._

 _"I wish you wouldn't. He gets enough of that with George all day and don't eat all my chocolate, I'm desperate enough to hex you." She snapped the chocolate off her desk and winked at Severus, and soon they were speaking of their docket for the day. They didn't speak of the Ministry gala again and when Hermione returned from Australia, she was tanned and light, the weight of her life lifted for a respite. He wouldn't have admitted it to anyone except Lucius or perhaps Seamus in duress, but he'd never worried for her more while she was gone, every fiber of his being telling him to follow her and ensure her safety as well as Rose's, but nothing compelled him strongly enough to go, so he waited and when she strolled in, bringing them sweets and vegemite, he relished the hug and kiss on the cheeks he received, thankful she was safe, sane, and mere feet from him instead of oceans away._

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

"Ms. Granger, I don't want to get too ahead of ourselves here, but she might be able to come home by the weekend if she continues improving." Hermione smiled down at her sweet girl and gave her one last good squeeze and kiss before thanking Healer Weston and walking with Severus to the lifts. She didn't speak, he didn't either and it was fine for both of them. He took her hand again at the apparition point and she looked into his eyes and wondered what he was thinking, as his face betrayed nothing as usual. When they arrived at Grimmauld Place this time, they weren't met with spells, only Kreacher cleaning off the stoop and a ruckus in the gardens where the children and their uncles and Aunt Angelina were playing on brooms. Rose waved from the pitch where she was defending the makeshift goal they must've constructed while she was gone. She watched them play a bit longer and then went to the kitchen to start preparing food, finding Dominique and Victoire cutting vegetables and washing them. She began trimming the fat from the ham and then put it in the oven, a flurry of spells worked through the kitchen, she found being busy and useful made her heart a bit less. When Lily's cries brought her out of the fog of cooking, she washed her hands and went to the nursery, taking her and changing her nappy quickly, then sitting with her in the lounger that was a lounger again, and sang to her softly, feeling optimistic about Winnie coming home.

"Oh,Merlin, Hermione maybe there needs to be a sign on this door?" Charlie joked coming into the nursery.

"Well if you knocked, you'd know she was nursing." Hermione jibbed back, smiling up at him.

"This just further cements why I could never have a wife." He pointed to her breast and shuddered; she appreciated the humour and laughed with him, trying not to think about how exposed she was with the door wide open.

"Well I'm sure the rest of the house doesn't want to see this either, so hold on while I get the sling." She stood, moving Lily to burp and fixed her robes so that she would be on the other breast once she was in the sling. Turning back to him, she gave him a hug and walked on his arm to the dining room where the family was all sitting, digging into the food and sharing stories of their lost loved ones. She turned to the door as Seamus, Severus, and an auror she didn't know left. Frowning, she wondered why they weren't staying for food, but she didn't question him. She sat with her family and enjoyed their company, forgetting how fulfilling it was to be surrounded by so many loved ones. She missed her parents, she missed Ron, she missed them all but it was hard to be too glum when George and Charlie were telling stories about their childhood with Ron or times at school in the dormitories. Soaking it all in, she marveled at how well they were holding things together for the children. She knew Rose and James would be returning to school the next day, that Albus would be interviewed again, but none of that weighed on her too much as she ate dinner and then had pudding, Fleur's famous baklava.

After everything was cleaned up, she gave everyone hugs and went with Rose to the room she was sharing with Dominique and Victoire, giving her a big hug and kiss before going down the steps again to put Lily in her cot. She ventured into Harry and Ginny's room, but she still wasn't ready to sleep there, so she cast a few cleaning charms and slowly walked the stairs again to her room, exhausted from the day and raw, she looked at Winnie's picture and smiled, she hoped she would come home soon. Tucking away her fears and the worries of the tasks she needed to get done, she rolled towards the wall and willed herself to sleep. Without really noticing, though, she cried fitfully and eventually dreamt of her imagined view of the accident. She saw an image of Ron braindead in the hospital, they'd finally come back together truly stronger since conceiving Winnie and his face, lifeless, barren was all she could see. Guilt, the heavy weight of it all, made her wake many times, but she just curled herself further into a ball and cried, hoping their would someday be an end to her tears.

 **SSHGSSHG**

 _(After working with Severus 2 years)_

 _The first time Severus actually came to a Potter birthday party was when Albus turned five and the only reason he'd come was the promise that Potter would not ask about his parents or force him to play games. Although reluctantly, Severus had attended the christening of the Potter boys, but he'd always left as soon as possible and burned most of the invitations he received from Harry and Ginny. Rekindling his friendship with Hermione had also made the event easier, and her Rose was a tolerable and sweet child who knew how to behave around adults._

 _Gathered in the garden, several little people ran about but when Rose Granger-Weasley saw Severus, she stopped immediately and came to his side, staring out at the crowd like his tiny shadow. From across the lawn, Hermione and Ron watched her interact with their former potions professor._

 _"Of all people, why did she have to take a shine to him?" Ron shuddered as he put his arm around Hermione but found that she was not so disgusted._

 _"He's good at chess and he treats her like she's special, that's all a girl wants after all. Maybe we've finally found a trait in which Rose takes after me. " Severus's eyes flicked to hers immediately as her heart surged with pride._

 _"Besides, it could be a lot worse. She could be mimicking Seamus' vocabulary." Kissing Ron, she turned from his grasp and went into the kitchen to help Ginny with the lunch and found herself staring at Severus and Rose, playing chess on the picnic table. She wondered if he'd ever imagine in his life that someday a little Weasley child would love him so dearly. Moments later, as James, Albus, and his many Weasley cousins took the the air on their practice brooms, Rose seemed to be in deep conversation with Severus, clearly over flying and the way the other Weasleys were playing. In a flash, Hermione watched as Rose ran to her own broom and flew over to Severus, who clearly gave her some sort of direction because she immediately took off, flew towards Louis and Victoire who were trying to get the quaffle to the replica pitch Harry had designed. Without even flinching, she immediately grabbed it and scored, a move Hermione had never seen Rose do before and the look of pure elation as Jamie was unable to block made Rose radiate; she immediately flew back to Severus who obviously gave her more advice as Ron and Harry moved to stand with him. It made her wonder if Ron felt territorial over his daughter's quidditch tutelage, but everything seemed fine from the window in Grimmauld Place, until she looked to Ginny who had been eyeing her the entire time, clearly with many questions that Hermione still could not answer to one of her best friends and sister by marriage._

 _That night while tucking Rose into bed, she read her a story about Newt Scamander's exhibitions around the world when Rose suddenly stopped her._

 _"Mummy?" Her tiny fiats rubbed her eyes as she yawned._

 _"Yes, love?"_

 _"Why does Mister Severus have those marks on his neck?" Hermione was shocked Rose noticed them as buttoned up as Severus remained most of the time. She had rarely seen the scars herself, it reminded herself that he'd never seen hers._

 _"At the end of the war, you know when Uncle Harry took care of that really bad wizard, well Mister Severus was a spy. And see, spies well they often get the bad end of the deal and he was bitten by a rather large snake who had poisonous fangs." She watched as Rose's eyes widened._

 _"Nagini?"_

 _"Yes, yes actually, who's told you?" Another deep yawn from her daughter._

 _"Uncle Charlie, when he was telling me about dragons and other nasty creatures, well he doesn't call them nasty creatures but I'm not going anywhere near a spider the size of an acromantula if I can help it." Hermione nodded and tried to fight her own yawn._

 _"That makes me sad, Mummy, Mister Sebrus is so nice and he brings me chocolates sometimes, and those biscuits have chocolate. And he taught me quidditch and I flew faster than Jamie." Hermione smiled at her sweet girl and kissed her cheeks several times and then plaited her hair to one side, in her tiredness she'd called him,"Sebrus" as she'd done since she first met him. It made her seem so young again and innocent._

 _"I will make sure to tell him, poppet." Leaving her sweet girl to sleep, Hermione sent a quick note to Severus thanking him for being so kind to Rose and for the chocolates and biscuits he apparently provided her and for boosting her confidence in quidditch. The next morning at the office he handed her a small tin._

 _"Since she loves them so much, and do tell her if she really wants to win, she needs to practice with her father more often, he knows the goals better than her cousins obviously."_

 _"Noted. My parents will kill me for letting her have so many sweets, but she's their only grandchild, so maybe I'm safe." She smiled broadly thinking about Ron and Rose playing in their back garden, wondering if Severus had said anything to Ron about his quidditch skills. Her smile faded a bit as she thought that they should have two more running about, so she excused herself and went to the loo to wash her face, trying not to think about the miscarriage, the pain she felt in the emptiness of her womb, how Ron's face had fallen yet he'd never said anything, simply held her as she cried. Wiping her face one more time before going back to the office, she took a deep breath and went back into the office._

 _"Your father-in-law stopped by with Rose." Suddenly from her office door, Rose popped out her mouth covered in chocolate her pigtails bouncing._

 _"Mummy, Mister Sebrus gave me biscuits and chocolate." Jumping from Severus' office to Hermione's, Rose grabbed her leg, smearing biscuit crumbs and chocolate on her tights but Hermione smiled all the same and pulled her precious girl into her arms, realizing that she'd said 'Sebrus' again._

 _"He must really like you, my darling." Moving her eyes over to Severus, she saw him peering down at her freckled, red-haired child who seemed so full of happiness the room quickly shifted due to her exuberance._

 _"Did you thank him?" Rose's face immediately fell._

 _"Oh, Mister Sebrus, I'm sorry I didn't thank you." She quickly let go of her mother and ran over to him and practically climbed him to force herself into his arms._

 _"She's quite welcome, Granger. Maybe if her mother was as gracious she is she'd have ginger and chocolate biscuits more often." He and Rose had a good laugh while Hermione pretended to be annoyed but really, she was happy to see Severus interacting with her daughter or anyone for that matter where he seemed more like himself. It made all the nastiness of his arrival at the MLE seem worth the grief._

 _The spell was broken momentarily when Ron and Molly came through with lunch for everyone. They ate family style at the transfigured meeting table, conversations about work and upcoming birthday parties and holidays. Before she knew it, her dismal mood had completely disappeared and all could see was her family, happily conversing about life. It was a treasure, to be sure._


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Some explanations of the precarious relationship between HG and SS. This chapter is quite long, so I had to break it into two chapters, though they go together. I promise the Lucius situation will be explained. Warnings for language and moments of tense fighting/character deaths.**

 **Chapter 4:Revelations**

An owl at the window woke her from a deep sleep, it pecked the window several times before Hermione woke completely. She'd been to feed Lily only three hours before, so she hoped she would've gotten a few more hours, but as she opened the window, the bird swept in and she took the letter. Offered the owl a treat and it was gone. Turning the letter over, she saw the malfoy seal and immediately dropped it and left the room to find an auror or someone in the house with training beyond her but found the house practically empty aside from Charlie and Seamus, who both turned their heads as she entered the room, as though they'd been speaking about her.

"I've received a letter from Malfoy, I didn't open it, it's on my desk." Seamus took off immediately to her room, taking the steps by twos and threes, apparently he'd been told information she hadn't. Immediately from her left she felt the front door open, the movement of several aurors, and Charlie pulling her into the nursery.

"What the hell is going on?" She yelled, shoving him off and casting a silencing charm around Lily.

"Lucius escaped early this morning, that letter might be a portkey."

"No one thought to wake me and tell me he was missing?" Arms folded, she paced around the room, in sudden need of the loo and a strong cup of tea. She walked past him to the loo in Harry and Ginny's room, splashed her face and realized her pads were upstairs, so she peed and then washed her hands, left the loo and climbed the stairs, as the aurors swept past her in a flurry, taking the letter with them, one staying by the front door but she couldn't see him once she'd gotten to the fourth floor. She refused to believe Lucius Malfoy was behind the attacks, it seemed too easy a scapegoat, too easy a ploy and she was convinced he was reformed.

As she walked into her room, she saw Severus and Seamus talking at her window and it struck her suddenly that Seamus and Severus were acting oddly, even for them, and then, mind ticking between events over the last six years, how it seemed one or the other was always at her side, yes practicing law but still, protecting her as though somehow there had always been a threat. It was like a picture show, the images of them speaking this way, going to meetings without her or making her leave the Ministry to complete an inane task, refusing to allow her to go to lunch by herself. How had she never noticed it before? Had she become so blind in her faith that she didn't question either of their motives?

Without a word, she swept past them to the loo and changed her pad, seeing far less blood thankfully. She charmed her nursing bra as well, then mentally prepared herself for the questions she knew she needed to ask both men. Washing her hands again, she opened the door and caught both of their attention, mentally kicking herself that it had taken so long to see that she was in some sort of wizard protection program; no wonder Severus was always around, always checking on her, always making sure she was safe, but she hadn't noticed his attentions as such, she'd actually thought him her friend, but now, looking at him and Seamus, she was angered beyond comprehension that she'd let herself be fooled. Of course he had befriended her again out of duty and not because he actually enjoyed her company; the way things had ended when she left Hogwarts should've been a much larger eye-opener when he came to work at the Ministry. She remembered times when she was particularly angry or hurt, how he seemed to know and tried to help, how he was so compassionate towards her through their bickering. It made her weep.

Instead of saying a single word, she grabbed Winnie's picture and walked slowly down the flights of stairs to the kitchen, brewed a quick pot of tea and locked herself in the nursery; if Lily woke while she wrote, she would be in close proximity. In quick succession, she wrote every instance she could remember where Severus or Seamus appeared to protect her, to step in the way of a threat or to escort or somewhere. All the dinners she'd brought them to, all the ministry events she was forced to attend and how they'd acted far more like annoyed spies than annoyed ministry barristers. With each event she struggled with her emotions- what if she was wrong? What if they weren't actually bodyguards for her but instead were simply her friends and colleagues who happened to watch out for her. Tapping the quill feather against her lips, she thought she heard a knock at the door, but she ignored it, until she heard Rose asking for her and she felt compelled to open the door.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

( _After working with SS for one year)_

 _"Who could possibly be at the door?" Hermione wiped her eyes on her sleeve and tried not to look at Ron who had reluctantly stood and opened the door. She saw Severus standing there, his face betraying nothing about his visit, so she walked to the door as Ron hadn't invited him in yet._

 _"Has something happened?" She asked him, wondering what he could possibly need at half ten on a Tuesday night. He walked passed both of them and stood awkwardly by the fireplace._

 _"Ron, can you get some tea?" Her face told him to leave the room, not that there was much escaping the sound of people talking in the den; it floated effortlessly through her home. WIthout silencing spells, Rose was certain to wake up and no one wanted a cranky Rose, so she cast a spell and waited for him to speak._

 _"Seamus was involved in an altercation this evening with the opposition for our brief tomorrow, so it was rescheduled for next Wednesday." Hermione's face scrunched, as it always did when someone in her vicinity either did or was retelling something she didn't understand or thought was ridiculous. She could imagine quite clearly how Seamus happened to be in an altercation with representatives from Azkaban who felt the need to re-secure the prison with dementors._

 _"Shocking. What did Kingsley say?" Ron came through with tea and then left again; she was thankful he'd read her posture and knew they were speaking of work._

 _"Nothing, surprisingly but we have an unplanned day off tomorrow." They both sipped tea._

 _"That's odd." She contemplated what it meant for their case if Seamus and whoever he fought in the opposition were unable to participate due to conflict of interest, but then realized now that Severus was part of their team, she wouldn't be presenting alone._

 _"I'll still be in the office for a bit. I promised Rose I would take her to see Arthur's exhibition." Ron reappeared momentarily, then nodded and left. He didn't just go into the kitchen this time, she heard him slam the backdoor and it forced her to jump, spilling her tea. Immediately, rolling her eyes, she scourigfied her dress and waited for Rose to come down the stairs. It took no time, her light sleeper creeped around the edge of the stairs and when she saw Severus she smiled as though it was Christmas._

 _"Mummy? What was that?" Rose's voice filled the room as her bright eyes scanned, looking for danger._

 _"Nothing, darling, come here." Hermione set her tea down and snuggled Rose as she came to rest in her lap. Immediately, Hermione plaited her hair again as it had loosened a bit from sleep and listened as Rose questioned Severus about their next chess match._

 _"Perhaps after you see the exhibition we can play, with your mother's permission of course."_

 _"Mummy, can we play, please? I have to get better before Mister Sebrus says I'm a dunderhead." Hermione tried her best to stifle a giggle, but couldn't._

 _"You will never be a dunderhead, Charlotte Rose Granger-Weasley, I promise." Rose looked reluctantly to Severus, waiting on him to agree._

 _"Your mother is right." Instantly she perked up and kissed Hermione's cheek, taking her hand and leading her up the stairs. Hermione tucked her back in bed, charmed her nightlight and cast a charm to let her know if Rose was in danger, then closed her door softly, blowing her a kiss. She hated fighting with Ron, especially when it concerned their daughter, but Hermione refused to relent. Rose needed to learn the muggle life just as much as the magic life, mostly for when she stayed with Hermione's parents, but also to be well-rounded, understand her mother's background. Ron thought it was idiotic for Rose to learn to cook on a gas stove, without magic, or to hand clean dishes. It frustrated Hermione that for all their ideas of what seemed like equality, the Weasley's could be just as backwards about pureblood ideology as the Malfoys._

 _"Sorry about that, she's a terribly light sleeper and I'm afraid to silence her room in case there's a fire or worse."_

 _"No apologies needed. You're a good mother, Granger." She couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic, because he took many jabs at her mothering most of the time._

 _"I'm sure, between forgetting her lunch most days she's with me or leaving her Roardie at the Burrow or August at Grimmauld Place. Maybe I'll get it right when she's older." Half-heartedly, she smiled at him, his face an expression that said to her that he hadn't been sarcastic, that he was trying to compliment her._

 _"What is a 'Roardie'?"_

 _"You will hate it, I'm sure." Hermione stood, walked over to the corner of the room and grabbed two stuffed animals._

 _"She has about ten of these, and sometimes it's hard to remember which one she loves the most." Severus took one of the lions in his hand and rolled his eyes._

 _"Of course your child would have an affinity for lions." The annoyance dripped from his tone, but Hermione just smiled. Sometimes old habits really did die hard- house rivalries apparently didn't disappear with graduation._

 _"Jamie has several as well, but Alby hates them, he thinks their manes tickle too much." At the mention of the Potter children Severus' face went blank again and she almost wished she hadn't brought them up. Yet, she knew Harry was trying his best to include Severus, to give Severus an extended family per se. They'd even considered naming Albus after him, but decided instead that Severus Snape would not like to have a Potter carry his name._

 _"Roardie has been left all over Britain. I've gotten rather adept at transfiguring Roardies." He could see her soften talking about her daughter, how Rose seemed to leave an expression on Hermione's face that changed her entire persona; there was no doubt that Hermione loved her daughter._

 _"Would you like me to stay until your husband returns?" Severus said abruptly, causing Hermione to think of Ron again. She questioned whether Ron would be more or less annoyed finding Severus still in their townhouse, but also knew that regardless of his opinion, Severus still made her feel safe after all the years._

 _"Please, I'm afraid this time of year is difficult for me sometimes and my dreams tend to keep me awake." She admitted a weakness and hoped he wouldn't use it against her, like he had years before in the infirmary, forcing her from his side, from the cordial relationship they'd built over the course of the year Hogwarts was repaired._

 _"I find myself in the same position." He admitted. They didn't speak more on it; Hermione refilled their tea but both fell asleep before Ron returned at three a.m. He softly shook Hermione's shoulder and waited for the reaction he always got, immediate fear and a shot of adrenaline that made her instantly reach for her wand._

 _"It's just me, Mynee." It registered with her finally, so she rubbed her eyes and felt her pulse start to drop, noticing that Severus had awoken as well._

 _"See you tomorrow, today, whatever; thank you for staying." She put her hand on his as he stood and started climbing the stairs. Ron showed Severus out and tried to ignore his jealousy over his wife feeling secure in the presence of the man who killed Dumbledore, even if he'd had no choice. Severus apparated home, weary and uncomfortable in his role, but anxious to ensure that Hermione didn't spend her evenings crying. He hated lying to her, he hated that he had to come up with reasons to ensure her safety._

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

"Mum, they are taking us to Hogwarts in ten minutes, it's safer there than even here, they said." Hermione's brow scrunched and she felt so out of the loop. James and Rose stood together with their small bags, and she hated to see them go. She would worry a thousand times more with them hours away in Scotland, even if they were protected by ancient magic; she knew it was the Ministry doing this, taking her children to Hogwarts so they were less of a target than in London. Going back into the nursery, she placed a translating charm on her notes making them impossible to read and grabbed the two letters she'd written to them while she'd nursed Lily early in the morning with spending money.

"Here, one for each of you, I wish I could take you both, but I am sure I'll pick you up at Christmas, okay?" Handing James his, Hermione pulled him against her, and kissed his cheek. She did the same with Rose, wishing they weren't leaving so soon after the funerals, after everything had happened. Somehow, though she wanted to cry, she felt her heart harden a bit watching two aurors she didn't know walking out with them, waving them off she put her hand to her face and waited for the door to close. Her heart was beginning to harden a bit towards the Ministry.

"Alby, did you get some breakfast?" She finally noticed him by the stairs and motioned him over.

"No, Aunt Hermione, the lady from the Ministry is coming and I didn't want to be eating when she showed up." Taking his hand, she lead him to the kitchen and pulled some eggs from the larder and then bread. "French toast?" She asked and he smiled, perking up immediately.

"I don't think we'll be able to send you to your school here until things calm down, but I can help you with your work. The headmaster sent some things." She pointed to the nook where a pile of books and papers lay, and Albus' eyes lit up again.

"Good, I know I'm so behind already, and I don't want any of those kids having an advantage over me."

"School just started, poppet, you can't be that far behind, besides, I know you're just like your mum and you'll have that lot finished in no time." Whisking the eggs, cream, and cinnamon, Hermione tried to remember times when James and Albus had stayed with her and Ron, Albus had alway been the quieter of the two, less mischievous but certainly still as sneaky as his mother had been, she found him gentle and kind, always trying to win Harry's approval in some generational task; she'd seen Harry struggle with the same desire to prove himself to those who already had expectations though he didn't even know their acquaintance. She imagined Albus felt exactly the same, especially with his name, a former infamous headmaster and stopper of Gellert Grindelwald, his manipulations hadn't reached Albus' young ears but she knew once he went to Hogwarts, he would face the same scrutiny and although she'd immediately known her daughter and James would be in Gryffindor, she wondered about her quiet but tenacious nephew, whether he would be Gryffindor or perhaps Slytherin, whether he'd feel somehow slighted if he were a Slytherin.

Bringing his breakfast to the table, she served herself as well, talking of his school subjects and what they'd tackle first. It was nice to talk with him and to pretend that it was a normal day, that she didn't have a hundred questions for Severus and a million worries about her children, especially Winnie alone at the hospital and James and Rose traveling to Hogwarts without her. Sipping her tea, she heard Lily waking so she finished her breakfast and brought her dish to the sink.

"You finish up and I'll be right back with your sister." Kissing his wild mop of hair, she wiped her wet hands on her robes and found Lily chirping a bit in her cot and she saw a tiny smile, she was sure of it, when she leaned down to take her in her sling and kissed her all over her tiny face. She was almost a week old and looked so different that morning she barely recognized her. For a moment, Hermione lost herself in the sweetness of the little girl and forgot the pressing matter of investigation and the looming disappointment that perhaps her friendship with Severus had been nothing but a ruse to keep her safe. Tucking Lily in the sling so she could nurse, Hermione walked back to the kitchen where Albus was finishing breakfast.

"Your sister is such a pleasant baby. I remember you being exactly the same way." She commented, leaning down slightly to rub his shoulder; Albus looked up to her with a questioning glance, his bright green eyes never failed to make her feel better and miss Harry.

"Really? Dad always said I was fussy." Albus often reminded her of Harry so much she could barely look at him without fearing she would cry, but in that moment, he reminded more of Ginny and the Weasley sibling rivalry.

"Only when you were jealous of Jamie were you fussy, he could walk and talk and you wanted so much to be doing what he did. Uncle Ron and I moved out right after you were born, well permanently at least, but I spent a good deal of time here." It made Albus smile to hear a story about himself, to be reminded that though his parents were gone there was still someone who remembered him from his infancy.

"Charming as this is, Ms. Michaels is in the living room." They both turned to the door where Severus was standing, looking every bit the snarly former professor, as though he'd put the pieces together as well- she knew.

"I'll clean up, you go on." Hermione cupped his face, green eyes meeting amber and she wished more than anything that she could trade places with his parents,to be able to give him the life he deserved. But since she couldn't and though her heart was still a fragile mess, she vowed to be the best surrogate mother she could.

"You should be present for this." He sneered as she sent the dishes to the sink and began washing them, Lily moving a bit more and reaching out from the sling.

"Whatever for? I'm just a barrister for the Ministry and it matters not whether I'm his guardian, decisions will be made with or without my approval, as they have been for years." Taking Lily out to burp, she turned to him, her face as stone as she soothed the tiny girl.

"If you've finished being obstinate for the morning, join us, please." His tone was that of his former professor role, the same tone he'd used many times to correct or even disparage her.

"Join you for what? Meetings that don't involve me, special assignments you all thought I'd never know about, or perhaps this is when you admit the only reason you're here is…you are not my father, you don't get to command me like you are-" But she stopped herself as she heard Albus scream; without pause she ran into the living room, tucking Lily safely in the sling she left Severus in her wake.

"What in Merlin's name have you done to Alby?" Hermione looked over to the woman, the same who'd been there two days prior and a man who reminded her of Sirius Black, obviously performing legilimency on Albus.

"He wasn't cooperating." The man dryly replied, reminding her for a moment of the tone Draco Malfoy used to take with her when they were young, that privileged, pureblood drawl.

"He's ten years old, he's had his mind invaded only once before, what do you expect?" Hermione went to Albus and sat next to him, soothing his tears by pulling him into a hug and then wiping his tears. "There's no shame in being scared, Alby. Once, when I was younger, a madwoman entered my mind and tortured me for hours, even carved my skin until I wet myself...imagine your aunt covered in her own wee and so you've cried, braver than me I'd say. Look, I'll try, do you trust me?" Hermione tilted his chin up, wordlessly speaking the incantation she was in his mind; first it was the funeral and the weight of his emotions, then she saw them eating dinner together and his being jealous of James, then she pushed further, seeing Ron showing him the card trick and then suddenly, the truck overturned in front of the van, causing a massive crash and the van flipped, more than once, Albus flew from the window, but it didn't quite make sense how he'd gotten out really, and then she saw them, Molly and Arthur dead, Ginny bleeding heavily and Harry and Ron, wands ready, Ron's leg was broken but he moved quickly to cover Ginny and Albus, and that's when she saw him, Lucius Malfoy across the road, mouth moving so quickly in incantation. It reminded her of Snape the first year at Hogwarts when she'd thought him to be hexing Harry's broom. The last thing she could see in the memory was Ron and Harry falling, as though stunned and Lucius running to them, as though in aid and then everything went black. Albus had been obliviated and now she understood why Severus had been reluctant to tell anyone what he saw. Pulling gently from his mind, Hermione took a deep breath and looked to the Ministry officials.

"You all have made a critical error." She rose from her seat to take Lily back to the nursery and felt Severus on her heels.

"You cannot tell them what you saw." He hissed, grabbing her shoulder.

"Let go of me, I need to put Lily down." She felt unsafe, she felt betrayed. Fixing her robes and removing the sling, she cast a heavy protection spell on Lily and turned to face Severus.

"I am…" Running her hands through her hair, she stopped herself from shouting. "Not that I ever truly thought I knew you, but I can say unequivocally that I know so very little about you and each time I think I've made a chink in your armor, you best me, keeping me further than arm's length. Each thing I believed I learned while befriending you years ago and for the last six years, it was all a lie, wasn't it." She swept past him and when she entered the living room, she took out her wand. Her anger pulsed through her, she felt herself seconds from hexing all of them. Suddenly, all of her spirit returned, her anger and pain manifested in Gryffindor courage she forgot she possessed.

"You will both leave this home. You will not meet with my nephew without proper counsel. I will be in contact with your office when you bring legitimate paperwork for interviewing him again. Thank you." Both stood. "And your name?"

"Carson MacNair." Shivers invaded her senses but she simply opened the door and escorted them out.

"You can join them, if you please and Seamus, too." Hermione snapped. "Albus I want you to go upstairs." Her eyes were red, her pulse rapid; the pain of betrayal made her magi kinetic. It pulsed around her like a heartbeat, glowed with a magical force making Seamus and Severus stand back. Her mind was bouncing between thoughts so rapidly she couldn't think clearly, she could only feel rage and betrayal in varying amounts, like an hourglass being constantly turned over.

"You aren't thinking rationality, Lucius may be a threat and you have no idea what you saw. Leaving you and the Potter children alone here would be unthinkable." He looked visibly shaken and concerned.

"How long have you been lying to me?" She countered, hands on hip as she faced him and felt the weight of his apparent betrayal.

"I have not been lying to, you don't understand the gravity of this situation. Being alone here is-"Severus was reaching the end of his patience with her.

"I won't be alone here; you are not my husband nor my father, stop trying to dictate my life."

"You can't be serious, Hermione. You're being irrational." His voice was almost pleading with her, but she did not back down.

"I may be irrational, but I have never once lied to you or kept anything from you, I admitted all the silly things I did as a student, the moment where I questioned your loyalty yet still saved you, and you've been lying to me for years, you've lied to me about my family, their deaths...is my baby even at St. Mungos? Is she even mine?" Hermione's mind raced as she watched him obviously battling with himself. She felt suddenly that she could trust no one, she worried her children weren't really going back to Hogwarts, that they too would be taken from her.

"I haven't lied to you. Winnie is being protected as you've seen and your family died just as you saw, though there are still questions we are all seeking answers for. I have withheld information because you are mourning, you don't deserve more pain. And how can you even suggest I am acting like your father? I do not tell you what to do." Hermione wanted to believe him, she could hear the pain in his voice but every instinct in her mind told her to go forward with her plan.

"Really? You haven't told me what to do that last six years?" Hermione wanted to hex him, to force him to leave. Her anger boiled like a cauldron and she felt herself ready to explode. He saw it then, the pulse of her magic again and worried she would perform spontaneous magic. For a moment he regretted teaching her to harness her magic in such a way.

"How long did you think this would go on before I figured it out?"

"I never would have guessed six years." He snapped back.

"I trusted you, you were my friend, I fucking made you tea and sandwiches, we had curry twice a week for years. I'm ashamed it took me six years, but I will not feel sorry for those years when I was able to love my husband and my daughter without fear. I'm not sorry I was so distracted by my pitiful life that I didn't doubt you for a second; I haven't doubted you since I stuck my fingers in your bloody throat, but I don't know you at all, do I? So what, should I be thanking you for giving me those years? I obviously couldn't have lived that life without your protection." She saw his face fall, as though she'd mortally wounded him.

"You don't know what you are talking about Hermione, this isn't a game." She couldn't register the fear in him, the worry that somehow he would be compromised, that she would never forgive him.

"I'd know if the two people I'd been working with for years weren't hiding something from me. So what is it? Are you unspeakables?" Seamus came bounding down the stairs and stopped at the scene before him, Hermione was all but questioning him at wandpoint.

"Hermione, stop." He called to her but she felt her temper rising.

"Tell me, admit it. I've been a 'special case' for you. That's all I am, we are. You're only here because of those children, you wouldn't be here unless you were forced because why would you befriend the person who saved your life when you wanted to die." Her voice trailed off, she accio'd the notes from the nursery, the evidence from her mind of the years they'd worked together, niceties that may not have happened had he not been bound in some way to care for her. She saw it again, the pleading in her mind, the way he projected his pain on her to let him die and she felt, for a second that maybe she should have...maybe she wouldn't feel so guilty and used.

"You are wholly misinformed, Granger." He could barely form the words, she could see he was wounded from her words, but felt like she couldn't trust him as she once had. Something made her feel she couldn't trust anyone. Before she could walk from the room, Seamus held up the letter she'd received that morning.

"This letter could have been jinxed, you've been compromised in some way." Seamus cast a few spells on her, but she felt no different. Instead, she felt angrier and saddened at the same time. Tears filling her eyes, she left them and climbed the stairs, each step reminding her how alone she was on those stairs. There was no Ron to welcome her into the bedroom, or Ginny to share her day with, or Harry to challenge her. There was Albus whose mind was full of sadness and a sweet baby who needed her.

"Nice try, Seamus. Distract the crazy, hormonal witch. If it's a portkey, I'm sure it would take me to Lucius and right now I'd welcome it because at least Lucius' treatment of me is consistent." She turned from them and fled.

Entering her room, Hermione saw her beaded bag and threw more clothes and other important possessions in it, walked over to Albus's room and saw him reading his history book.

"What's wrong with Mister Severus and Mister Seamus?" His innocent face made her pause, was she crazy? Was she jinxed? Setting the bag down, she looked in her nephew's eyes and then joined him on his bed. It felt like she needed to flee, to take everything and go into hiding. His gentle expression and knowing Winnie was in the hospital was all keeping her in Grimmauld Place.

"We're all just a bit stressed, darling. We might go away for a while when Winnie comes home, like a vacation. Would you like that?" Running her fingers through his hair, she wanted to think logically, to go away and get some peace of mind.

"Like Scotland?" Hermione's face fell, of course he'd want to see James and Rose. Her anger dissipated slightly when she remembered her grieving brood,

"Maybe Australia? Or would you like maybe Amsterdam? You've never been before, but only if it's safe." She hugged his shoulders again and looked at his spiky handwriting, it was like a portal to another time working with Harry and Ron on homework, the etching sound of the quill like a calming draught.

"Ooo could we see windmills? Jamie has that book." Before she saw him at the door, she felt Severus in the doorway, so she leaned in and whispered to him, "It will be our secret, okay?". Albus nodded as she hid the beaded bag behind him as she went to the door, casting another protective charm on him without speaking. Without a word, she locked and sealed her door and went down the stairs. Pouring herself a glass of milk, she saw Charlie enter the front door, but felt just as suspicious of him as the others. In the moment, she didn't care.

"Finally, a Weasley to talk sense into you." Seamus yelled from the living room.

"What have you done?" Charlie asked her playfully.

"I've only figured out that my two colleagues have been lying to me for six years." Sipping her milk, she toasted some bread and spread butter on it, suddenly famished again.

"Have they?" Charlie looked between them, unsure what or whom to believe in the obviously tense situation.

"Speaking of, what was the name of the name of your first love?" She asked, trying to discern that he was really Charlie and not some Ministry imposter.

"Really, dove, in front of Severus? Fine, Jeremy Pine of 14 Brockhurst lane, Surrey. Merlin, you make me feel like a fool." Charlie pulled his hair back in a ponytail and added, "But the first one who returned my affections was Billy Mackleroy, whom you met last year. Am I safe now?" Hermione let her guard down for a moment and watched all of the men in the room. She didn't trust one of them. As though on cue, she heard the charm in Lily's room and excused herself.

"You have perfect timing." She remarked changing her nappy and sleeper, casting a calming spell and trying to nurse again, it seemed like she might be going through a tiny growing spurt. When she'd finally calmed down enough to think of her own bizarre behavior, she wondered if they were right, had she been jinxed? Had all she thought about Severus and Seamus been exacerbated by some magic? She couldn't believe that her misgivings were completely unfounded, though, she could admit she was irrational. As she thought on it more, she felt the wards on the door pulse- they weren't getting in so easily. She heard Severus call to her.

"I'm not canceling my wards." She replied, casting a stronger spell- perhaps he shouldn't have taught her the skills to best him. It reminded of when he'd been ill, how the only way she could get through to him was through education. She taught herself legilimency so they could speak and a fat lot of good it had done her. Finally after multiple efforts, he tore down her wards and entered the nursery.

There she sat, Lily cradled in her arms, and he couldn't believe she thought him so evil.

"Hermione, please let me explain."

"You couldn't say anything right now that would persuade me to believe you anything but a liar, Severus. I will not raise my voice and I will not fight, but I was already heartbroken, you've taken what was left. Did nothing I did for you matter? Did all those hours I spent learning as much as possible to help you truly mean nothing?" Hermione's misty eyes met his, she could see he was alarmed.

"I have done everything in my power to protect you." His reply was cold and she felt no relief from his words.

"Why weren't you honest with me? Why wait until my grief has forced me to examine everything?"

"Like I was given a choice. Our bloody Minister for Magic forbade me." She shushed him as she watched Lily's eyes close, her gentle breathing and sweet face the perfect juxtaposition to his ire.

"There is always a choice." Hermione continued to rock and began humming to Lily as she did, feeling so many emotions at once. "So if you are really my bodyguard, what is there to protect? A war heroine who has little ambition than to protect animal welfare and extend rights to legitimate citizens? Is it my children? Are they part of some prophecy?" He sighed, leaning on the bookshelf filled with muggle and magical tales.

"It's more than that." He replied, walking through the room, looking at the paintings on the wall, the pictures of Ginny and Harry, Lily's brothers and grandparents. Hermione was tired of playing the game with him. Rising, she placed Lily back in her cot.

"Is it her? Do you wish to protect the grandchildren of your first love? Is that why you're here?" As though slapped, Severus stepped back from her but peered down at the sleeping girl, beautiful.

"You go too far." He hissed.

"I haven't gone far enough. You've made a fool of me." Casting a quick charm she left the room, finding Charlie and Seamus at the dining room table discussing her security.

"I'd like to see Winnie." She looked to Charlie first, hoping he would be the most sympathetic.

"I'll take you, do you need to talk to Alby?" Charlie's replied, reaching for her.

"No, he's reading. We'll only be gone less than an hour. They barely let me hold her as it is." Glancing between Severus and Seamus, Hermione didn't know exactly what to feel,but she followed Charlie to the door and stepped through. In a crack they were gone and she hoped the enchantments she placed on the children would be strong enough if they tried to take them.

Going into the ward, Hermione passed the same aurors she'd seen before, leery now of them as well, but when she finally saw Winnie, she felt things calm. It was as though Winnie made the madness of the day disappear. With her cradled, she felt her happiness return for a moment and looked to her vitals, still growing, still improving. She wished desperately she could take her home. Fifteen minutes later, the Healer came through and gave her an update. She'd be able to come home Sunday, suddenly Hermione knew she could make it to Sunday if it meant Winnie was coming home.

When they returned to Grimmauld Place, she checked on Lily first and found her content, then climbed the steps to see Albus, he was still reading. So she went to her room to write correspondence to Rose and James, hoping they were safe in Hogwarts and adjusting to being back though they'd barely been there. She sent them off with Harry's owl Tyrus and waited. She knew Severus was still in the house but she didn't know if Seamus had returned to his wife, Lavender. Running her quill over her lips, she thought more about the morning, when the owl had come and she'd touched it, had her magic shifted, was she compelled to be suspicious? She wanted to read the letter, to know what Malfoy had written her, so while she had her writing supplies she wrote to Draco, nothing too elaborate just enough to inquire about his father and his apparent role on the deaths of the Weasleys and Potters; she waited for Tyrus to return to send it, leaving it on her desk then going down the stairs for a late lunch. Making sandwiches and reheating some soup from the day before, she called Albus down and heard Charlie and Severus walk in as well.

"I have curry planned for dinner, so if you don't want that, you are welcome to eat elsewhere." She remarked, dipping a piece of her sandwich bread in the soup and trying to process everything that had been going on since the accident. Why had she suddenly noticed all the years of Severus and Seamus' protection? Maybe they really were just her friends, but then Severus had something about Shacklebolt ordering him not to tell her things and so she knew there was definitely something he was keeping from her. She ate slowly, playing through so many moments with him, how he'd at first seemed forced in his new role with her, how he'd fought her more often than not on cases, and then once she felt she'd won him over again, like she had in the infirmary, they were friends. They still bickered and disagreed but he seemed to enjoy her company and then as thoughts turned like the hands of time, she wondered if this was a prison sentence for him. Was he assigned to her because Kingsley knew how she admired him? Was he doing time outside of Azkaban in community service since the Wizengamot would most likely never completely exonerate him? Stuffing her sandwich in her mouth she tried not to look at him...what if this was his punishment? What if the only reason he cared at all was due to some vow he'd probably had to make? Seamus strolled through to the kitchen and brought her from her thoughts. Did Seamus know?

"I'd like to go to the Ministry at some point before I bring Winnie home on Sunday." She suddenly said, and as though he could see the constant wheels turned, Severus turned to her.

"If you require speaking with Shacklebolt, he would prefer to come here I am sure."

"Can you arrange that for me, then?" She asked in a syrupy sweet voice even Albus could see through. "I mean since I can't be of service to work for the MLE right now, I figure there are a few things I need to make clear with him before I take an indefinite leave of absence." She looked to him as he sipped his tea and dipped the edge of his bread in his soup- was she his penance?

"I will owl him momentarily." Came his snipped reply. She somehow felt worse thinking that he'd been assigned to her and hoped it wasn't true. Until she heard the words from Kingsley, though, she didn't know if she could trust him. Something within her told her that he was the same vague, caustic man she'd known for ages and his 'assignment' of her wasn't truly a betrayal...she did, however wish she had known all along. It would've immediately, she thought, erased any feelings she felt creeping within her that certainly weren't friendly and added to her guilt.

Hours later after she'd napped a bit in the nursery with Lily then began cooking dinner, she saw people in the backyard and then felt an odd wave of magic wash over her before she heard the front door. Tucking the sling with Lily in it a bit more modestly, she pulled her wand and faced the door of the kitchen as Severus and Charlie walked through.

"Are you going to hex me?" Charlie joked but Hermione's nerves were beyond frazzled and she found no humor in his jest. Behind them, she saw Kingsley and Dean Thomas, his deputy.

"Minister, it's so lovely to see you." Hermione immediacy tucked her wand away after casting a stasis on the food and moved forward to hug him, carefully protecting Lily as she did and feeling for the first time that day as though she might get some real answers.

"Can we speak here or would you rather go to the library?" He asked in a soothing voice she'd missed since being away from the Ministry.

"The library, please." She knew Kingsley was just as familiar with Grimmauld Place as she, so when they went into the library, he immediately took a seat by the fire and looked to her over his folded hands.

"I'm a mess, I apologize." She first said, shifting Lily who was fast asleep in the sling and smoothing her hair.

"You are mourning a great deal; yet I come in here and you are making dinner, visiting , teaching the next generation of Potters. You are a wonder." Hermione almost blushed but she could tell it was a politician's answer, at least partially.

"I have two questions for you and I know you are incredibly busy, but both are weighing so heavily on me I feel unsafe." He leaned forward, hands still folded and met her eyes compassionately. "I knew you would, you're not the brightest witch of your age for nothing."

"Firstly, Malfoy? What did the letter say and did the aurors detect any dark magic?" She felt Lily stir a bit and lightly rocked her, patting her back and trying to watch his face for clues.

"A copy will be sent and you were correct to be suspicious. It was a portkey but so far, we can find no dark magic associated with it nor a motive for Lucius Malfoy to target you or your family members. After all, you are the very person who exonerated him." He finally unfolded his hands and placed them on his knees.

"But, why would they arrest him if it was unclear…oh, well he was the only one there they could see from Albus' memory. He's been obliviated, Kingsley and I wasn't trying to keep Sophie Michaels or Carson MacNair from seeing that, I just wanted to speak with you personally because I would feel more comfortable with Severus trying to restore his memory." His eyebrow quirked and he almost chuckled.

"And here I thought he would be the last person based upon his reports."

"Yes, his reports...that brings me to my second question, is he…" She closed her eyes as tears prickled at the edges, she did not want to cry in front of him, not with Lily gently resting against her. "He told me he wasn't allowed to tell me his specific role in the MLE or even with me, but over the course of this week, I've come to realize that he isn't just a barrister with me and I would like to hear from you what his actual role is before I feel like I've completely lost it." He sighed heavily and so did she. It was obvious he did not want to tell her what Snape was doing for the MLE or why he was so ingratiated in her life.

"Hermione, what I am going to tell you cannot leave this room. All those who know have been sworn to a wand oath and I must ask the same of you." Immediately, she pulled her wand from her sleeve and swore to him to keep anything he told her a secret. After another long sigh, he leaned forward, removing his hat for a moment and running his hand over his scalp.

"Once he was recovered sufficiently after the war, the Wizengamot wanted to immediately try him for the murder of Dumbledore, I held them off for as long as I could, almost five years. You were working on Lucius' case already and when you offered to represent Severus, I came to an alternate decision, one that he agreed to begrudgingly because, well honestly the alternative was Azkaban, even with the memories, statements from you, Ronald, and Harry, and of course the professors at Hogwarts and members of the Order; I knew I had to make a deal for him. Do you recall when the special session was called and you were conveniently whisked away to a meeting about Lucius?" She nodded, fearing that her assumption about Severus being in some sort of required penance was correct and her heart sank.

"I convinced the small council to allow Severus to serve outside of Azkaban. They wanted twenty years and I eventually whittled it down to fifteen, promising he would not only work for the Ministry, but in any capacity that was asked of him. He is not an Unspeakable, but he has often collaborated with them. When asked how best he could serve, he asked for Magical Law Enforcement himself and when given the option, he chose you, citing your care for him at the Final Battle and of course the others were people he felt he could not tolerate for ten years, since he'd served five specifically with the aurors and Unspeakables. Seamus was employed to assure the Wizengamot that Severus was completing his end of the bargain, a parole officer of sorts, and that is how he has come to be so protective of you, I believe. Severus knows that a breach of this agreement will mean imprisonment and at the full sentence. There are other stipulations which I am not allowed to share with you at this point, for which I apologize. But essentially he is your bodyguard, before they were killed, Harry and Ron had one as well, I cannot disclose whom, unfortunately. The Ministry did this to ensure that your lives would be protected, that you would hopefully be able to have adult years that were safe, I'm sorry that was not achieved." Hermione looked at him with shock and the agony of knowing she had eventually guessed correctly. And by the memories she'd witnessed in Albus Potter's mind, Lucius Malfoy had to have been assigned to Harry or Ron, he wouldn't have been so readily at the scene if it weren't for this special assignment by the ministry.

"But why wasn't I informed or they? He was thrust into my life without my consent; he's become my friend, but how could he…" She growled, angry at the entire system. She believed he should've been exonerated from the off.

"The Wizengamot made that decision. If Severus had tried to inform you, he would've been reprimanded and taken. They wanted to insure he did this task without help from you; they know of your generosity and goodness, Hermione, you were working at the time to exonerate the man in whose house you were tortured. I assume they didn't want this to be easy for him. They wanted to ensure he was completely reformed." Fuming, she felt Lily stir and tried to calm herself down, breathing slowly with her eyes closed, trying her best not to think about the forced nature of actions.

"Can they be convinced to let him off early? I don't know if I can live like this, Kingsley." His face showed surprise and questioning immediately, leaning back and wondering what her motivation was.

"We can always try, my dear, but I would not suggest you hope for this. And aside from that, I think it is in your best interest to keep him close. He is a master duelist, he has fought some of the worst men and women in Britain, he will protect you with his life."

"Yes, he is all those things, but he is compelled to do them through an order of the court. I don't want someone protecting me because they are forced to."

"That is understandable, but until a hearing can be called, he must. Please do not leave the British Isles without him- it would put him in danger of a harsher sentence." Hermione nodded, leaning down to kiss Lily's forehead and put her back in the sling. Suddenly, she remembered her trip to Australia when Rose was eight and felt incredibly guilty; she'd left him in England and he could have been compromised.

"Thank you, Kingsley. I don't know for sure when I'll be back to work, or what's going to happen with this investigation. I sincerely hope Malfoy is not behind this because, well, I'm the reason he's not holed up in Azkaban. I can't promise I won't say anything to Severus about this; I'm so disappointed right now...I understand the secrecy, but...well, I should get back to Alby. Thank you, again." When she stood, she stepped forward and hugged him again, soaking up every second of that human contact she missed so much.

"I am only an owl away, Hermione." He bowed to her and let himself out of the library, leaving Hermione completely lost in thought. She felt the pulse of magic again, smelled the curry still cooking as though someone had taken over but wasn't ready to leave the room. Desperate not to cry, she stared at Lily's soft, sleeping face and wondered how anyone could hurt a child, so innocent and pure. She didn't hear Charlie come in, only felt his hand on her shoulder and though she reached up to hold it, she wished it was Ron's more than any moment since she'd lost him.

"I've finished dinner." He whispered, offering to take Lily and for once she relented, handing over the entire sling. She watched as it adjusted to him and then wiped her face, wondering if a day would pass any time soon where she didn't cry, but then reminded herself how much had happened in such a short amount of time.

Taking a seat next to Albus, she watched Charlie doting on Lily, having so many nieces and nephews had made him far more comfortable with infants. Although she was still rather reluctant to let her go, it was a nice relief to see someone else enjoying her sweet cuddles. Seamus, Severus, and Albus were quiet, so she finally asked Albus about his books and homework.

"The headmaster understands why you're out, darling, he's not going to fail you. We will send in your work and he will have your teacher send your grades work or anything that needs corrected back. Besides, you aren't required to attend this school at all, your father just wanted you to get a full experience before going to Hogwarts next year." She patted his arm then put her arm around his shoulders, pulling him into a loose hug.

"Thank you, Aunt Hermione, I just don't want to fall so far behind I get trolls for grades." Charlie, Seamus, and Hermione all giggled looking at Severus who had given many troll grades over the years.

"You are a lot of things, but one of those is not a troll, Mr. Potter." She remembered that tone from all the years she'd say in his classroom, seeking his approval; she found it funny that her daughter and Albus tried to impress Severus as often as possible.

"Eat up, I'm sure Lily will wake soon and I want to read with you tonight." They ate in silence, the dishes sent to the kitchen and kreacher art cleaning them before Hermione walked with Albus to his room. They read The Hobbit, one of their favorites before Hermione tucked him in bed, trying her best not to think of his life suddenly sans parents and his older brother. When he was finally out, she slipped down the stairs to the nursery where Charlie was practically passed out with Lily in her cot. Tiptoeing, she didn't want to walk him so she took the girl and her sling and climbed the stairs to her room. Positioning her to nurse, Hermione decided to tell her a story about her father and how, when things had been really bad in the Forest of Dean, he'd cheered her up.

"He was kind, your dad, and desperate for love. I never truly understood how lucky I'd been to have my parents until I became friends with him. I hope you never feel as lost as he did; I'm not his Aunt Petunia for sure, but I promise to love you as though you were my own, sweet Lily Luna. How could I not?" As she moved her to rock her gently before trying to nurse again, she felt Severus at the door.

"I'd rather not speak about today, if we can avoid it." She whispered to him, moving Lily to her breast again, missing Winnie and wishing they were together.

"I understand." Was all he said, standing and watching her, being all the mother any child could hope to have.

"I will say this, though, I'm sorry I called you a liar...while you were bound by secrecy, I cannot fault you for keeping the truth from me...I only wish I didn't feel so like a burden, like another master being forced upon you beyond your control."

"I chose you." He simply replied, coming closer to her, looking down at Lily with eyes as despondent as Hermione's.

"We can speak more on this another time, just know I've put things into motion that may free you of this prison sentence. I only wanted for you to know freedom; I worked so hard to save you so you would never feel the noose of another required sentence." With her free hand she reached for him, wishing she could both convey her anger and sadness with the situation. Flashes of his begging, pleading, and how she almost gave in filled her brain, and she pulled her hand back swiftly.

"You were/are never a burden, Hermione."His face was unreadable again, but she knew if she pushed hard enough, she could break his mind and see exactly what she wanted, but she didn't.

"You say it was your choice, but none of this has been your choice. I sought in you everything I'd wanted for years, your approval, your respect and now I feel, well, sorry I should stop. I just don't know if you're really my friend or if it's all a charade and somehow, in this moment, that is more than I can bear. If Kingsley does what I've asked, you will be free and I will…" Glancing up to him, she saw his eyes flicker between Lily's face at her breast and her own eyes, pain evident.

"I will endeavor to know you as you really are and not someone who is required to care about my safety, how I knew you before."

"Hermione, don't." He sounded as defeated as he had in the memories when he spoke to Dumbledore about protecting Lily Evans Potter and Harry and it made her feel guilty, as though she needed one more thing.

"No, you cannot imagine how I feel, Severus. I accused you of many things today and I was right on some. You are obligated to do things in my honor and that's not what I want. I want you to live the life you deserve. Kingsley practically told me I was crazy for wanting to 'free' you, but honestly can you blame me? Who wants to believe the only reason someone associates with them is because they are forced to." She made herself make eye contact with him then, wanting nothing more than to convey how thankful she was for his service and how disappointed she was that he was forced into a situation, even if he'd chosen her, where he was required to protect her.

"Do you honestly believe I would befriend you simply because I had a prison sentence? Think of what you say you don't know of me, Granger, am I really someone you imagine tolerating anyone just to get a job done?" She thought of his behavior with Umbridge back in her fifth year, other colleagues he barely tolerated, and though he had eventually come to some peace with Harry, he still didn't go out of his way to include him in his life, even when Harry included Severus in everything.

"Still, I don't want this arrangement to continue; I want to work with you as equals, not because you are required to be with me, watch out for me, and Seamus, how must he feel being your jailer? How are you to really get on with life if there is someone always checking your every move?"

"It's a small fucking price to pay to not be in Azkaban; I've been, I never want to go back. I have a life, I have a better life than I've ever had...don't presume anything about my personal life." And with that, the jealousy was back. She hated herself for feeling so vulnerable and angry about something that was beyond either of their control and though she had tried with all her might not to cry, she dropped his hand and wiped her eyes.

"You're right, I know nothing after all these years." Wiping her eyes again, she thought about her previous thoughts of him, that he spent his weekends alone at Spinner's End, surrounded by books, but it had been an unfair assessment. Of course, she hadn't thought too often of what he was doing when they weren't working together, especially since they worked so frequently on the weekends. Perhaps he had a spouse she didn't even know about; about her guilt was misplaced and any odd feelings she thought she felt were simply the fear of losing him as a friend.

"I didn't want to talk about this tonight because there are too many conflicting emotions and too many things for me to worry about. I don't need the added stress of knowing that you're being forced to protect me and I certainly don't want to hear about your personal life which doesn't involve me because we aren't really friends...real friends would know about someone's personal life, Severus. And not that you've ever been so open with me...self-preservation? Why worry yourself with my little life or tell me anything about yours beyond,'I brewed this and I wrote that', when someday you won't be in this arrangement anymore and I will be just another student you taught, another colleague you tolerated. Because say what you will, you would tolerate me to complete a job; I know there are things about me that are grating and irritating, I know I can be impossible so this must truly be a sacrifice for you." During her speech, she'd walked Lily over to the spare cot, changed her nappy and put her in a new sleeper, whispering her words and trying her best to remain calm. Once she was sure Lily was out, she turned to him, so annoyed and dismayed with herself that she could barely see through her tears. Her tone was clipped, she had never raised her voice but was certain that if she could, she would be yelling. Nothing felt right, nothing seemed to make sense and it seemed each time she tried not to think of him keeping secrets from her, she couldn't help but be filled with the most unmitigated rage.

"I counted you my friend, I was content working with you, I was happy to save you all those years ago because you deserve a life unshackled, and now, I guess, I still want that for you because knowing what I know now makes me ill. I felt such satisfaction knowing that of all your former students, you seemed to actually enjoy my company and enjoy working with me; but none of that matters, my husband is dead, my daughter is in the hospital, my other daughter is miles away most likely struggling with grief, I have two nephews who may never accept me as a mother figure, a baby I often feel guilty for bonding so dearly with, two homes to worry about, a house elf who has more than once tried to kill me, siblings of my husband who care but have their own lives and their own grief, I've lost my two best friends, my parents can't be here and you, I thought I had you, too, but I have created a persona of you in my mind. It's not your fault, really, it's mine." She turned from him and immediately left, descending the stairs to escape her room, falling immediately on the bed in Harry and Ginny's room and crying, crying so hard she felt herself almost hyperventilating. It went on for hours, though she eventually slowed, the crying would not cease. She was so angry and sad, disappointed in herself for placing Severus on a pedestal, for wishing that he hadn't done all the things he'd done for her out of compulsion. There was no doubt in her mind that she loved Ron, that she missed him so much her bones hurt, but she couldn't deny the jealousy she felt in thinking Severus had a whole other life she knew nothing about. It made her mad with rage and cry in pain. At some point she made herself rise and work on the protection bracelets she'd made the kids, but it was incredibly difficult working through her tears, each intricate spell a protection and piece of her.

 **Thanks for much for reading!**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Same warnings- character deaths, angst and drama, etc. I promise the Lucius situation will be explained. Another major component of SS's "prison sentence" is also explained.**

 _(Hermione's last year at Hogwarts)_

 _A chill moved through her as she stirred the potion, more pain potion and in a separate cauldron, a calming draught. Professor Snape's notes had opened up a new world to brewing, helping her to manage several brews at a time and also cut down any mistakes to almost nonexistent. Working with him when he was well had become the highlight of her day because otherwise she was studying, helping rebuild parts of the castle, or attending classes she felt were teaching her nothing. Professor Snape was the only one who challenged her, who made her work for even a marginal compliment or rather something besides a scathing response._

 _Mincing the fluxweed, Hermione felt him enter the room, and though he wasn't wearing his traditional robes and frock coat, he still billowed and made a statement as he moved, his stride still confident even when his steps were not always sure. He looked far thinner than she remembered from her school days, but she knew she did as well._

 _"Is the calming draught finished?" He asked peering into the cauldron and seeing she'd just begun making it._

 _"No, sir, I made the pain potion first because Madame Pomfrey said we were critically low. Did you need some? I have extra vials in my rooms." Normally, this was when he would've berated her for ignoring his directions, but instead he cast a stasis spell on the cauldrons and followed her to her quarters. She knew things must be pretty bad if he was willing to walk to her personal space, a place he'd only been a few times. Although she knew he wouldn't be there, Hermione missed Crookshanks and wished he'd run out from under her bed, but he'd been lost since the final battle, and though she tried to accept that he was most likely gone forever, she hoped beyond hope that he was simply lost in the castle or even in the Forbidden Forest living a calm life._

 _"Here, do you need more than one." Her room felt inadequate somehow as he stood by her desk, looking at the interesting box she kept her potions in, then scanning the room wondering what it was like for her to have special rooms as a seventh year student. The room was large and had a kitchenette, an attached loo, and separate sitting area, though Hermione spent little time anywhere in her rooms but her bed because she was usually occupied around the school or helping in the infirmary._

 _"Two." He whispered, taking a second one from the box and watched as it folded into itself and camouflaging again. Tilting his head back, he drank the first one then handed her the empty vial to be sterilized and used again. She watched him, when she'd first brought him to the infirmary, he took ten calming draughts a day and always had a bad reaction, as though his body rejected calm. He swayed, convulsions hit him and she knew it was an after effect of the cruciatus curse, so she helped him to lie down on her bed, moving her pajamas out of the way and throwing her book to her desk, watching as her papers scattered, knowing she could fix them later. His arms flailed a bit as she watched him shake, before when this had happened they'd been in the infirmary or his rooms, not hers, and she didn't know he'd feel if she were to hold him, so she cast a few spells Madame Pomfrey had taught her and hoped it was enough. Still unable to say much, Hermione watched him try to tell her something, but he couldn't speak through the convulsions, with what little strength he had, he grasped her wrist and pulled her to him, forcing her to stumble onto him. Crawling over him, he held her arm close to him his other hand rubbing it as she leaned over him, practically cradling him and smoothing his hair with her free hand. She almost lost all resolve when a lone tear rolled down his cheek. He rarely cried, rarely showed any emotion at all except disdain for his situation, so any visible sign of emotion from him was momentous._

 _"Why didn't you tell me it was so bad? I could've helped you, it's my job to help you." Hermione whispered, resting her head on this shoulder as he began to calm and trying her best not to cry as well. She had no idea how long it took or how long they stayed that way until hours later, when they'd both fallen asleep and she opened her eyes to complete blackness. His hands still gripped her tightly but it had been the best sleep she'd had in months. She tried to pull her arm away, but was immediately stopped by him, lost in sleep, so she used her burgeoning wandless magic to take the calming draught from his pocket and administer it, trying to pry his mouth open as he stirred._

 _"You'll feel better." She whispered in his ear and he relented. He released her arm and she was sure he might try to leave though he wouldn't make it to his quarters before he passed out. Without a pause, he stood and went to her bathroom, slamming the door behind him and hearing him pee for so long she was unsure how he had held it without pissing her bed. Waiting for him to return, but knowing he probably wouldn't, Hermione rested against her pillows, turning onto her other side and holding one of her pillows tight. But as he exited the loo, Hermione knew she needed to go herself. She used to wand for gentle light and saw that her cheek was bruised, his shoulder hitting it must have bruised her, but it hadn't felt painful at the time._

 _Washing her hands, she dried them gently on her hand towel and took a deep breath, knowing he'd be gone went she came back through and hoping he made it to his quarters safely. Peering around the darkened room, she didn't see him so she sat on her bed, resolved that it was for the best; he'd most likely be embarrassed that he'd sought comfort from her when she was usually the one reaching for him. Resigned, she quickly plaited her hair, and crawled under the covers, worried about him but knowing if she went to his quarters, he'd either already fallen or asleep or would be in such a snit, he wouldn't even open the door, so she just pulled her covers up and closed her eyes._

 _"You're out of tea." She heard him say so quietly she almost missed it. He pulled the covers back and moved next to her. Not only had he said an entire sentence more than once that day, but he chose to come back, to seek her when he had rarely ever done before. This was friendship, this caring and worrying she was used to with Ron and Harry was now wholly placed upon him, and in her mind, Snape was no different, even if he had been her professor._

 _"Noted. Are you in pain?" Worried he would leave if she looked at him, Hermione looked towards the loo door and waited for his reply._

 _"No, now sleep." His hand rested softly on her shoulder for a moment, then she felt his fingers touch her braid, as though he was curious about the texture and simply couldn't help himself. Although there wasn't much space in her double bed, they didn't touch again until the morning, when Hermione forced another calming potion down his throat and remembered the potions in stasis. He joined her after breakfast; they brewed for three hours before they stopped for tea and that night, after dinner, he invited her to his quarters so she could work on her potions proposal without worry of her peers and with his guidance. Although she wanted to stay with him, she knew it would be pushing it if she did, even if all it was really about was comfort, the placement of a body next to hers who cared, who survived. But as she went to the door, she heard him clear his throat; he didn't say the words, but she knew exactly what he was asking so she followed him to his room, took her robes off and crawled into his much larger bed in her skirt and the tank top beneath her button-up. His sheets were soft and smelled like him, she faced him for a minute, yawned and thought about how much she enjoyed him now that he was no longer her professor._

 _"I'm sorry for this." His hand extended to the bruise on her cheek._

 _"It wasn't your fault, I shouldn't have rested my head on your incredibly bony shoulder." Her own hand extended to his shoulder. "Yep, bony." She saw the tiniest hint of his lip turn up, but then his face became severe again and she worried he was going to throw her out._

 _"Thank you." He whispered. Her eyes snapped open and she wondered what he meant, as his hand rested on hers for a moment._

 _"You're welcome?" Her hesitant reply made his eyes widen and pulse, as though he expected her to know his every thought since they'd communicated through their minds for months. "Fine, I'll imagine it's for all the potions I've brewed and my constant attention to your copper cauldrons. Goodnight, Severus." His face softened again but she knew it was not her pristine care of his lab, no it was accepting him, letting him depend on her as much as she on him, and allowing him the feeling of freedom. It dawned on her that his best friend, Albus Dumbledore, was dead, his other friends, if he had them, were dead; he was thanking her for being his friend, for letting him depend upon on her when his trust in others had failed, was destroyed or had never existed in the first place. Sifting quickly through the memories of what Harry had told her about his life, she felt perhaps friendship and being able to rely on others for more than what they could give you in return or for the protection of your life was all he knew._

SSHGSSHGSSHG

He stood outside of the room listening to her weep, but couldn't bring himself to open the door until he heard her stop, as though she'd left suddenly or cast a spell. He knocked lightly and turned the knob, finding her sprawled on the bed, face puffy and swollen, a letter in her hand. He heard her gasp and roll in her sleep, curling herself into a ball and for the first time, at least when he'd actually admit it to himself, he felt that there could be no one on Earth who loved her more than he did, and that, if his assumptions were correct, she felt far more than friendship for him, even if she didn't understand the feelings. It pained him to see her so distraught, to think that he'd made her so upset when he'd tried everything in his power to convince her he'd chosen her, he'd gone to her because he knew she was the most intelligent student he'd ever taught, because she was earnest and caring, headstrong and driven. He sat and watched her for hours until he heard the charm on Lily's cot sound. He cast a disillusionment spell and watched her wake slowly, tears still falling miraculously from her beautiful amber eyes. She wiped her eyes, looked over to Winnie's portrait and saw her awake, cooing and gnawing on her finger. Without pause, she picked the picture up and held it tightly, so ready to bring her home. With a final glance and kiss to the picture, she want to the loo and then across the room to greet her niece who'd slept longer than normal.

"My what a beautiful girl I've got here." She remarked, her eyes searching over Lily as though she hadn't seen her for days. Although still incredibly confused and saddened by her revelations about Severus, she brought Lily to the kitchen for her first proper bath. Gently running the water, she hummed as she transfigured one of the bowls into a makeshift tub for the tiny girl, supporting her head and then charming it to warm as she lay there.

"You like this warm water, don't you my little love?" Hermione continued to sing as she gently washed Lily, being careful of the leftover bits of umbilical cord and trying to make sure she was warm; she heard footsteps behind her and saw Severus at the door, instantly the guilt she'd felt from before returned, swallowing up all the joy she felt in bonding with her niece. Finishing up her bath, Hermione wrapped Lily is a plush towel, drained the water with the flick of her wrist, and walked passed Severus to the nursery to nurse her, when she heard his footsteps stop at the door, she quietly called to him.

"I've errands I need to run today, bank deposits need to be transferred and I would like to see Winnie, is Seamus available?" Pushing the soft towel from Lily's face, Hermione met his gaze and saw something change in his expression, as though he'd expected more of her lasting out.

"I just need an escort. Alby and Lily will be fine here with Charlie or whichever Weasley brother has been assigned to me today." She watched him nod and then walk away, and for the first time in a long while, it made her sad to think the easy camaraderie they'd developed over the years was most likely gone. Sure, she hadn't loved working with him all the time, but most of the time it had been enjoyable, easy; he had become someone she relied on greatly without even knowing it and now she felt desolate. No Ron, no Harry and Ginny, no practically adopted parents to comfort her, and no Severus.

"Wait." She called out, raising Lily and taking her to the changing table for a fresh nappy and onesie. She felt him enter the room before he said a word.

"How else may I be of service?" He asked, bowing as though this was some cosmic joke she'd yet to find funny.

"My parents? Are they still unable to come here?" As he folded his arms across his chest, she wondered why she'd bothered asking at all, the answer was clear.

"Until we know more, unfortunately they must stay in the safe house. Charlie Weasley has taken leave for three more weeks; things should be sorted by then and your parents may be retrieved." Hermione optimism immediately faltered. Though she longed desperately for Winnie to be home, the daunting thought of both babies being there immediately overwhelmed her. But, she said nothing, she simply nodded and tried not to dwell on the negative. Albus was talking and behaving normally, both girls were thriving, and she hadn't heard anything negative from Hogwarts, so she assumed Rose and James were well. Pulling her sling on, Hermione positioned Lily so she could walk the stairs to her room, knowing that once Winnie came home she'd have to tackle Harry and Ginny's room, or move the nursery up to the fourth floor with her.

After she charmed Lily in a cozy cocoon, Hermione took a quick shower and changed, scooped Lily back up and went back down the stairs where Albus, Charlie, and Seamus were eating breakfast.

"We went and got more groceries." Charlie said softly, pointing to the larder while also reaching for his niece, so obviously proud of himself. She wanted to remark at how pleased Molly would've been with him in all his efforts; he'd seemed to fall into the role or provider so easily, it made her wonder if he thought about permanency in his life, a family, marrying someday.

"I've pumped some extra milk in case she wakes while I'm gone, it's in the larder as well. I don't know how she'll do with it, so if she's very fussy, I've charmed this to let me know. I'll come straight back. " Hermione showed a bracelet charmed for she and Lily, she'd made one for Winnie and Albus as well and would for Rose and James when she returned. It had been at some point in her misery the night before that she finally realized how much anxiety would be relieved if she used charms to alert her when she was gone.

"She'll be fine. You go on and do your errands, have a good time out." He squeezed her hand loftily and she turned to Seamus, but found Severus waiting for her at the door. She'd rather hoped to interrogate Seamus while they were out, but to no avail. Severus obviously wanted to escort her himself.

"Do your reading and history before I return so we can talk, okay? I love you." She kissed Albus' head and grabbed her beaded bag before walking to Severus' side and taking his hand. Within moments, they were at Gringotts and she felt the urge to flee swallow her whole. Although she'd been back several times since the incident during the war, it still made her panicky when she walked through the doors. The goblins always recognized her and although the Ministry had cleared each of them of any crimes, the goblins looked at her with suspicion each time.

It didn't take long to finalize the paperwork for the vaults. Harry and Ginny had specific funds set aside for all three of their children, some available for expenses to Hermione and Ron, had he been alive, and some for school expenses, but most of the money was in a trust until they turned seventeen, then they received a percentage every year. She thought it rather clever after reviewing the paperwork and decided to do the same for Rose and Winnie with the pension from Ron and the money she'd get when she sold the townhouse. It made no sense to keep two residences, especially when it would be years before all of the children were independent. After she'd signed her name more times than she could count, the goblin made her copies of all of the forms and they left the bank, going next to the Ministry to get the finalized adoption papers and deed for Grimmauld Place. Severus hadn't said a word the entire time, just watched her filling out forms, taking forms, and filing forms.

Before they left the Ministry, she wanted to go to their office to get some of the backlog of work she could finish while she was on leave, though it was the first change in Severus she noticed as they entered the rooms. The last time she'd been there, Winnie was still in the womb and no one had died; she'd left Severus and Seamus to go home to her husband and daughter. She'd had a beautiful night at home, and had made love to her husband for the last time.

"You needn't worry about the work, Seamus can see to it." Lifting the files she immediately shrank them and with all the other paperwork she'd gotten that day, she put it in her beaded bag.

"I can finish the last of these, there are quiet times when I'd rather be busy."

"You should be sleeping." He retorted, as though it was any easier for him to sleep.

"I am too preoccupied to sleep a full night right now and it'll only be more complicated when Winnie comes home, I doubt I'll ever be free of a baby and it would be nice to stimulate my brain as I figure it all out. And it's a distraction; I don't want to obsess over what was taken from Albus' mind or why Lucius is trying to contact me. I would much rather bury it all for the moment and do work." Taking a few more folders, she tidied her desk and felt her hands shaking for a moment, stilling them only by folding her arms across her chest and looking around the room.

"Focus on being a mother and aunt, work is unimportant."

"I've never put work above my daughter- Ron, yes but never Rose and I won't for Albus, Lily, and Winnie either. I don't dictate your day, don't dictate we've already argued about this before, so you stop trying to make me feel like a bad mother." She snapped.

"I am not implying you are a bad mother, Granger, you just need to let this go-" His eyes narrowed in on her and she felt like a first year in the dungeons.

"Let what go?" Their eyes met and she wondered what it would be like to look in his mind again, like she had all those years ago when she learned to communicate with him before his vocal cords completely healed. Would she find him as spiteful as he'd once been?

"You obsess too much about work, you have for years and right now you need to be obsessed about your family."

"Don't you think I know how frayed and frazzled my family is? This is why I wanted Seamus to come because you too often feel you have to teach me a lesson, show me up; you are no longer my professor, and though I agree wholeheartedly that I need to focus on my family, I see no harm in finishing the last paperwork of these cases. I've been a mum for eleven years, Severus." He pinched the bridge of his nose as he normally did in situations when he wanted to yell at her or anyone.

"You haven't been a mum of five for eleven years. Let yourself mourn your husband and friends ." He was saying this as much to convince himself as well as her, but knew immediately it was the wrong thing to say.

"How dare you!" She hadn't cried all day and she wouldn't let herself now, so she grabbed her bag and walked out of the office to the lifts and went to the first floor, walking out of the Ministry and to the apparition point to St. Mungos to see Winnie. She felt her adrenaline pulsing, so angry and annoyed at the situation she was in, but as soon as she saw Winnie and was able to calm herself.

"She's ready to try a bit of nursing." Healer Winston brought her from the charmed cot and gave them some privacy as Hermione removed her outer robes and brought Winnie to her chest, positioning her has she has Lily and Rose so many times and hoped it wouldn't take them too long to find a right fit. Staring into her eyes, eyelashes long like Ron's, she wished she could go home straight away, regardless of the struggles and stress it would cause adjusting to another infant. She heard the door click and felt a tear roll down her cheek as Winnie finally latched, the connection between them starting to solidify as it had with Lily.

"Your father would have spoiled you rotten, you know." She whispered, feeling Severus move through the room to sit across from her.

"Don't chastise me right now, I simply cannot take it. Let me love my girl and you can make me feel like a fool when we go home." Smoothing Winnie's soft hair she felt herself overcome, staring into her eyes and wanting nothing more than for Ron to be there, massaging her shoulders or brushing her hair. It all came back to her, the months after Rose was born and how they'd shifted, he'd shown her a side of him she wasn't sure existed and she'd fallen in love with him even more then. And though she knew her hormones were dictating her every emotion, she couldn't help but feel so lost.

"You must think me a truly cruel person." He finally said, his words softer than the whirl of the oxygen through her magical cot. When she looked up to him, eyes red and full of tears, he saw just how broken she was. She hated that his ability to sense her emotions meant he couldn't ignore his own, but perhaps that was a good thing. All those years ago, she believed he'd pushed her away because he didn't want to feel anything for anyone. Now, sitting across from her, Hermione could see he was emotionally invested, he cared about them, her family, and about himself enough to try living.

"We're both cruel, Severus." Wiping her eyes, she leaned forward and kissed Winnie's forehead and wanted nothing more than to bury herself in the library of Grimmauld Place with her girls and Albus, getting lost in the world of books. Perhaps she'd been too harsh on Severus when he'd told her to be with her family but nothing felt right except her baby in her arms, snuggled tightly against her. The pressure of nursing pleased her, made her feel needed in a time of such confusion and disarray.

"Hermione…" Finding his eyes again she felt so overwhelmed by his obvious need to protect her, even if he was being forced. Winnie fell asleep before she was probably finished nursing, but Hermione brought her up, patting her tiny bum and staring at Severus watch her. Hermione felt the weight difference between Lily and Winnie most when she held her tiny girl like this, taking in her smell and the sweetness of her breath gently on Hermione's neck. All could she could feel was love, engulfing her, making her appreciate the tiny bum she felt under hand, the endless love she knew would grow for her like it had for Rose; she didn't worry in that moment if she would love Lily, James, and Albus the same way, she knew her heart would continue to grow, to make them part of the fold. The moment was broken when Healer Weston walked in and reached for Winnie.

"How did it go, mum?" Taking Winnie from her arms, Hermione felt empty.

"She seemed to get the idea pretty quickly." Hermione immediately felt the absence of Winnie in her arms so she folded her arms around her chest and tried to listen to all the update the Healer was giving her.

"To produce enough for both girls, you need to start pumping more and eating more- don't skip meals and here's a list of foods that will help production. And she can go home Sunday as long as everything stays the same." Smiling at the sweet healer, Hermione took the list and added it to her bag.

"Thank you, you've taken such good care of my sweet girl." Hermione kissed Winnie once more and walked out of the room, not waiting on Severus because her hormones made her body shake, her eyes felt like burning orbs and she just wanted to get back to Grimmauld Place before she fell apart. Before she could walk out of hospital, she felt Severus grab her hand and without thinking and knowing how vulnerable it made her, she wrapped her arms around him and let him apparate them back to Grimmauld Place.

"I'm sorry, Severus, so sorry. You've done nothing but take care of me and I can't even let you do your job." The tears started, the shaking, she felt seconds from a panic attack and let him hold her, using his energy to help herself calm down.

"This is more than just my job." His arms were still wrapped around her as they stood on the doorstep. Guilt pervaded all her other emotions before she felt him pull her close again, for just a moment longer before opening the door and following her up the stairs. It took all her strength not to force herself in his arms again, to take what he was willing to give, to use the situation to her benefit, but she didn't. She checked on Albus and sat with him while he finished his history work, before Charlie brought Lily to her.

"Your girl was an angel." Hermione took Lily and the sling, and thanked Charlie for watching Lily, then retreated to the kitchen for a quick lunch, trying to heed Healer Weston's instructions.

"Can we have tomato soup tomorrow?" Albus asked, as they all sat and ate together.

"Of course, we'll add it to the calendar." Hermione ruffled his hair and shifted Lily in her sling, her nipples almost raw and it really set in that nursing with both then would be incredibly difficult.

"They've questioned Lucius and taken him into custody today, he wants to have you represent him, the audacity." Seamus said as Albus left the kitchen and was climbing the stairs.

"I wouldn't mind meeting with him, just to hear what his version of the story is because I've replayed Alby's memories over and over; nothing makes sense. Draco hasn't replied and I worry there's so much more to this story than we can even fathom. And I still don't know what was in his letter" She replied, noticing the glances between Seamus and Severus.

"What?"

"Kingsley doesn't think you should go to Azkaban." Seamus replied, sending his bowl to the sink. She'd almost forgotten he was still there until she noticed their whispering, keeping her from information again. She felt they would make her paranoid before too long.

"Kingsley is not my keeper, he promised me a copy of the letter and more information. If he isn't keeping his part of the bargain, I'm not keeping mine. What do you say, Severus?" He watched her over the brim of his teacup and then sighed, he understood the implication that he was, perhaps, her keeper.

"You cannot go until the Ministry officially processes him, so I must defer to Kingsley until I feel the situation is safe enough for you to go, escorted of course."

"Sounds fine to me, now if you'll both excuse me, I have work to finish and a boy to do homework with." Charlie offered to wash up and she climbed the stairs, spending the afternoon with Albus going over the history of the founding of Hogwarts and then arithmancy. Hours later, after dinner and bath time, Hermione went into Harry and Ginny's rooms, devising a plan in her head for packing their things respectfully and making room for her things from the townhouse. Before she thought too much about their things, she took a few things out, pieces of jewelry or items she knew the kids would want someday. Taking all of their clothing, she charmed it all into the wardrobe and shrank it down, took their art and other decorations, sending it all through the house to the attic and suddenly the room was bare. When she sent the bed to one of the empty bedrooms on the fifth floor, she then began bringing her things down. It was time that she was closer to Lily, especially when both girls were there. Commotion from the moving must've woken Severus because he appeared at the door of her new room.

"You've certainly been busy."

"I am accepting the things I can control right now. Tomorrow, I want to bring things from the townhouse and get it ready for sale."

"Don't you think that's a big decision to make while you're so…"

"If you say emotional, I will hex you." She turned on him and felt her wand vibrate on its own, sending sparks in his direction. Putting both hands up in jest, he watched her a moment more then retired to bed. Hermione followed him to her own not long after, feeding Lily and pumping at the same time, hoping she could provide enough for both of them. Falling into bed hours later, she glanced at Winnie's picture and smiled, she'd be home soon.

The next days passed slowly, but a routine was established for Albus' work, feeding schedules and moving things from the townhouse, some into storage and some into rooms she would now possess. Once it was all completed, Hermione said goodbye to the house and when she arrived at Grimmauld Place, there were letters from Rose and James. Charlie took Lily immediately so Hermione could read them undisturbed and found them both well and both needing rooms because they'd made the quidditch team. Her heart swelled with pride thinking of their fathers gushing with the same pride. Immediately she ran from the library and hugged Charlie tightly, finally feeling able to release feelings of sorrow and passion, it wasn't sexual, she simply needed to hold another person, to feel the warmth of a soul, to have, even if just for a moment, a connection with someone who didn't rely on her for survival. Knowing that she would never go to the townhouse again, that the home she'd slowly built with Ron and Rose would now house another family; a house was a house and she knew the memories would always be with her, but still, closing that door had been like closing the coffin on Ron.

"Hermione?" Charlie whispered, his fear clear in his the tone of his question, of her wellbeing.

"Rose and Jamie made quidditch." Replying quickly, Hermione tried to calm her tears, joy and melancholy in waves moving through her effortlessly, but Charlie could tell that her sudden need to be so close to him was more than excitement about Rose and James making quidditch.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked again, as though he'd said the words the first time.

"No, not really. I just...can I just...let me hold you, please, unless you don't want me to hug you, I won't force you." Taken aback, Charlie pulled away slightly to scan her face, to see if perhaps something had happened with Snape that she unable to express, but it seemed that she was simply beaten, dissolving before him as each second passed.

"Dove, please, you need never ask me for a hug." He gathered her up completely, and was surprised by how much it comforted him as well, the closeness, her curly hair and softness reminded him of his mother, even if for a fleeting moment and he relaxed into her as well. It was only the creak of the floor at the first stacks that pulled them both from the cocoon of calm they'd found, both meeting the eyes of Severus Snape.

"Need a hug?" Charlie teased, extending his arm to Snape but saw the immediate smirk and eyebrow raise from the clearly vexed man; he wondered if Snape would leave having walked in on an emotional moment, but he didn't, and he found that quite intriguing. Instead, Charlie's eyes followed him around the room, the walls filled with books that he would probably never read, but seemed incredibly interesting to Snape. Taking one, he moved to sit by the fireplace, his back to them, their embrace, as Charlie rubbed Hermione's back, holding her as though she was one of the kids, like his mother had held him, and momentarily, he let down his own guard, let the tears gather and fall despite the presence of Snape or perhaps because he was there.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

( _Finally moving into the townhouse)_

 _"I want this one!" Rose yelled as she ran up the stairs awkwardly. Ron had his hand on Hermione's lower back as they walked into the townhouse and followed their little spirited girl to the first bedroom they entered. Hermione watched her bounce around the room happily, but immediately felt lost in their new home without Harry, Ginny, James, and baby Albus. Ultimately, she knew they needed their own space, but it felt lonesome in their new home. They'd owned it for two years yet had only spent a few nights there, wondering why they'd spent the money when living with Harry and Ginny at Grimmauld Place felt perfect._

 _"Do you think we'll ever feel like this is home?" Ron asked, coming up behind her and pulling her close._

 _"We will, we just need to make it ours." Hermione turned her head and kissed him softly on his cheek and redirected Rose to the other rooms. Maybe they'd fill the rooms someday with more babies, maybe they'd move somewhere bigger when they felt too constricted. Holding her abdomen tightly, her arms folded, she wished she didn't feel as empty as the rooms they viewed. They hadn't bought much furniture or fixtures, they'd made dinner there twice, in fact. But, as she looked around, she felt a bit of hope, giving Rose a home in which she would feel truly loved was important to her and finding peace after losing a child. It had stung the hardest when Albus came home, knowing that they'd lost a son and seeing Ginny and Harry so happy to have added another to their brood; Hermione was happy for them, she loved being an aunt and loved dearly James and Albus, but it hurt too much to stay at Grimmauld Place and feel the emptiness of her womb._

 _"I'm going to call Mum and Dad." Hermione called, hoping they would come visit soon, she needed her mother, she needed someone who understood how she felt. She knew she could turn to Molly, but there were times when Molly was too consumed with her grandchildren to spare a moment of morose introspection._

 _"Mum." Hermione said as the receiver clicked._

 _"Yes, darling?" Jane Granger replied. Hermione didn't quite know what to say, the pause probably said more than Hermione could in the moment._

 _"Can you come, we've moved into the townhouse for good." Jane didn't pause._

 _"Of course, we'll be over soon." Both said their, 'I love yous' and hung up the phone. Hermione smiled, hearing Rose coming slowly down the stairs like they'd taught her at Grimmauld Place, one at a time, scooting, and scooped her up._

 _"Grandma and Grandpa are coming." Rose's tiny squeal filled the emptiness and lightened Hermione's heart._

SSHGSSHGSSHG

The next morning, Hermione brought the letters to the dining room where Charlie and Albus were eating breakfast.

"They're okay, they need brooms and uniforms. Rose is a chaser and Jamie is a beater." Charlie swirled her around before kissing her cheeks and for a moment, if she squinted her eyes she could see Ron.

"I can go to Diagon Alley now, if you'll finish clean up." Hermione nodded, not quite wanting him to pull away. He kissed her cheeks again and reminded her that Lily was in the nursery. Thinking she was alone in the house aside from Albus, Hermione went through her bedroom into the nursery, changing of her robes as she did and into some soft pants and a camisole so feeding and pumping would be easier. Plaiting her hair, she found Lily happily cooing on her cot waiting for a clean nappy and some dinner for herself. Pulling her close, Hermione wrapped her legs cross-legged and brought Lily to her breast and the pumping mechanism to the other hoping sincerely when she brought Winnie home the next day, she would be able to feed them both. Lily seemed far more alert than she'd been that morning, so Hermione talked to her about Ginny, telling her stories about all the adventures she's had and how brave she'd been over and over again. A knock at the door made her pause and then asked who was there.

"Seriously, Granger?" It was Severus, of course. The opened the door with her hand and then tucked her legs tighter beneath her.

"How may I help you?" She asked, things were still tense between them but they'd had a few cordial conversations since the day at the bank and Ministry.

"You have a letter from Draco and a request to visit. Kingsley still hasn't granted you an audience with Lucius, but I assume it will be soon." He leaned casually against the door frame; she'd lost any of the embarrassment she'd once had of him seeing her breastfeeding. It just didn't matter to her in the grand scheme of things if any of the men the house were put off by her breasts, she thought they should be glad her scars were glamoured.

"Oh good, about Draco at least. I received letters from the kids- they both made quidditch so Charlie's gone to get them brooms." She shifted a bit, feeling a slight pinch from the pump and then felt Lily grab her braid. It made her wonder if he'd been uncomfortable in the library the night before.

"I'll be out in a moment to finish cleaning up breakfast." He said no more, simply nodded and retreated. It had been an odd confrontation, but then again nothing between them had been the same since the accident.

"I've finished it, so take your time." A concession, a peace offering. Hermione knew when he was trying to smooth things over with her, he used to do so with orange and ginger biscuits, fairy floss, or sometimes rich dark chocolate from Belgium, which she knew he actually went to Belgium to get. The kitchen and dining room were pristine when she came through again.

While preparing the shepherd's pie for dinner, Hermione suddenly thought of Teddy Lupin. Had she seen his name anywhere in the paperwork? Surely Harry would've left him something. Lost in thought, she didn't feel Severus behind her, draping her in her house robe. Her skin had raised with goosebumps, but she couldn't tell if they'd come before or after the robe touched her.

"Thanks?" She turned to him and saw that her camisole had loosed during the feeding, she wasn't showing anything but the magical pump mechanism did look odd beneath the camisole. This was a moment she wished she lived in home with no boys because she hated having to keep covered up when her hormones made her a bit warm and her breasts were heavy and tired of the nursing bra.

"Watch the timer please, I'm going to change before I offend anyone's sensibilities." She left the kitchen, set the dining room table for the evening because she knew Seamus was bringing Lavender and Charlie had said something about Bill and Fleur possibly coming, but she didn't know exactly how many people to expect, and she knew no one would be eating lunch at the main table.

Glancing at herself in the mirror, she found her body steadily changing back to her pre-pregnancy body, though she knew the nursing was helping with that. Looking at her still rounded stomach, it reminded her of when she'd first started showing with Winnie, how happy they'd been to make to week twenty still have the infant growing strongly after losing two. Pulling on a dress her mother had given her last fall, she felt almost herself for a moment, until she heard commotion beyond her doors and found herself longing for the quiet. Re-plaiting her hair, she pinched her cheeks a bit and then leaving her room. When she entered the dining room, she found Charlie and Bill looking over the brooms, but she walked passed them to the kitchen to check the Shepherd's pie and found it completely assembled.

"Am I inappropriate now, Severus?" He looked her over and scowled.

"Must you always find something negative in my actions?" Slicing the bread, she sent it to the table in the basket and tries to hold her tongue to no avail. She started making the picnic they planned to take out in the garden as he watched her cooly.

"Yes, I must since for every positive thing you say to me, there's at least three scathing remarks and normally I'd give it right back to you, but circumstances being what they are, " she paused and pulled crisps from the larder, "I'd hate for you to offer me willingly to our enemy." She carried the food out onto the patio and closed her eyes, praying as though her parents were still there at the table on the patio, that they would finally be there to comfort her, when she opened her eyes, Albus was happily chatting with Louis about dragons with Charlie, everyone seemed in happy conversation except she and Severus. He ate quickly and quietly, though she could see by his face that he was at least enjoying the food he'd helped prepare. She heard the chime on Lily's cot but gave it a moment more, hoping to finish her lunch before she tried to nurse again. But she watched Severus stand and go down the hall to the nursery; was this another concession? She couldn't imagine him feeling fatherly towards her girl, so she assumed he was just trying to help her, unless the babies scared him less than he let on. When she finished her bowl and wiped her mouth, she followed him down the hall and found him, Lily wrapped in a warm blanket and him next to her cot, a hand resting on her stomach as she slept.

"She was just restless." He whispered, holding Lily's tiny body on his forearms, cradling her head in his large hands and wondering, just for a moment, what it would be like to have a child. He believed this was the closest he'd ever get, and still didn't know if that meant something? Being a father had never occurred to him, aside from days long before when he'd fooled himself that Lily Evans would someday be his wife.

"She anticipates her cousin joining her, perchance." Hermione replied coming to his side and looking down on the beautiful girl.

"When you look at her, what do you see? I see you stare at her so intensely sometimes." He stopped looking at Lily, shifting his eyes to Hermione's from the other side of the cot. He couldn't admit he was thinking of children, of what it would be like to have one with bushy brown hair and dark eyes; no, he couldn't say that, so he was as honest as he could be.

"I see hope." It was not what she expected and certainly words she never thought she'd hear from him, but all the same, she felt it, too.

"When you look at her, do you see only your niece?" Severus placed her softly back on the cot and waited for her answer, knowing what it would be without really searching his mind.

"No, I'm afraid I think of her just as much as my daughter as Winnie, and worry I won't be able to separate those feelings. Is it wrong of me?" She asked, leaning in to take Lily's sweet hand in hers. Severus followed suit, taking Lily's other hand in his.

"I am not a Weasley nor a Potter, and as such my opinion matters little in the grand scheme of things. She's loved; she will grow with your daughter as siblings because that will be all she knows."

"I guess it's Alby and Jamie I should be more concerned about. They've always known me as Aunt Hermione- if Lily calls me mum that will be awkward for them." She grimaced before smiling again at the sweet child sleeping.

"You worry far too much about trivial matters. There could very well be a madman who wants to kill you and your family. Enjoy the time you have." His fatalist view made her heart sink because though he wasn't wrong, it was the last thing she wanted to hear.

"Thank you for that bleak reminder. If that is all, I'm going to prepare for Winnie's arrival." He didn't release Lily's hand nor move from the spot. She transfigured an extra cot in case the girls did not share their cot well together anymore and opened the remainder of the gifts she'd been given when they'd learned that Winnie was to be a girl. An hour passed and still he watched her sleep, like some personal bodyguard.

When Lily woke, Hermione wondered if Severus would lift her from the cot, but as though in a trance, he acted as though he didn't hear her fussing until her lip began to quiver. Folding the last of the new nappies and Hermione stepped over and scooped her up, immediately unbuttoning her cardigan and helping Lily to nurse. Draco's letter gave her no indication that he knew his father's motives nor what he had planned, only that he believed him to be innocent of the actual incident. He apologized for her loss and offered his sincerest condolences, which she accepted because things between them had seriously calmed since their years as students. Although he needed no profession, he had become a personal tax and deed lawyer, attending some of the same courses she had at Oxford; although they weren't bosom buddies, she knew Draco would tell her the truth. Taking his letter and the others from Rose and James, she went to her desk, next to the window looking out into the gardens where Albus and Louis were playing with their uncles. Hermione wondered why Fleur hadn't joined them, but she was sure it had something to do with the custody issue or perhaps it something innocuous. Often when she nursed in her room or the nursery, Hermione didn't use the sling or cover up, it was easier in some ways, more difficult in others but she longed for the bond she could see when she watched Lily watching her. She longed to do the same with Winnie, to feel her little breaths and heartbeat, her tiny hands and stare into her eyes as though connected by some ethereal force. Severus shifted in a seat a bit and broke the intense concentration Hermione had with Lily, forcing her to pause and consider the situation: there she was in a yellow cardigan and jeans, Lily at her breast, her tiny head resting on the curve of her breast and giving Severus quite an eyeful if he was at all inclined to care but she felt anyone attracted to breasts couldn't help but notice, even if the scene was purely familial. Yet, she wanted to know why he stayed, why he stared intently at her face as though Lily was not present, as though he hadn't been watching over the infant all evening.

"Are you planning to watch me all evening, we've Shepherd's pie to eat?" She asked, noting that Severus was still sitting in the lounger across from her desk, but now reading a book from her shelf. "Sometimes I feel like you're a figment of my imagination, like when I thought I was saving you in the Shrieking Shack, I wasn't and I've simply made up that you're here." She admitted, moving Lily to rest against her shoulder, turning to him completely. "Like now, you could be here only because whenever I am stressed or angry, sad or lonesome, you appear suddenly out of nowhere." Kissing Lily's cheek lightly before moving her to nurse again, she shifted to make it easier to face him. SO many memories, flashes of moments in their renewed friendship since he'd come to work at the Ministry again, effortless help from him when she needed it most, coming to the townhouse when she and Ron fought, allowing her to experience moments of peace, and though selfishly taken, she relished in them. Yet, for all the instances she remembered, all the times he seemed to pop up out of nowhere, it was coincidental, he was meant to be protecting her. A sneeze from Lily brought her mind more clearly to him, staring him down, every crevice of his face, his long, sinewy fingers, the way his nose had clearly been broken many times and reset with magic, though not well...the convalcave of thoughts, of his scan, made her think back to the hospital, to him bringing her home, to arguments, to his sudden appearance in rooms where she was experiencing pain, trauma, sorrow, sadness; he always knew when to show up.

"There's a literal compulsion charm?" She suddenly asked, as though it finally dawned on her.

"Yes." Crestfallen, Hermione felt ill.

"That makes things so much worse." But his face softened, closing the book and setting it on the edge of the lounger.

"Think of how many emotions you've made me feel I didn't for years, things I couldn't even imagine. Don't think of it as a punishment." He folded his hands together and looked at her as though he was reading her mind.

"Every emotion or just the far spectrum?"She worried he could feel her jealousy, perhaps tap into old feelings she'd buried during and after leaving Hogwarts, or even her anger, love, passion for Ron. She wondered if the years they'd spent trying desperately for a baby had left an impact on Snape or if he could distinctly pick emotions, like her own confusing ones regarding how safe she felt with him.

"I can feel your guilt, depression, love for your children, all of it. I am compelled to your presence if things are particularly bad or you are in danger." Hermione winced again; she wondered if it meant she felt her pleasure as well as her pain, each time she and Ron made love, had he felt the surge in her emotions, the miscarriages, the guilt of wanting comfort from the men surrounding her.

"You treated me abysmally when you first came to our division of the MLE, is that because you were feeling my grief over the miscarriage but you didn't know why?" He noticed how her freckles seemed magnified by the light of the room, how they sparkled and realized her magic was surging again.

"Yes, imagine feeling someone else's emotions so profoundly and having absolutely no way to know why or stop it, because at that point, even though I'd chosen you, I didn't think we'd be anything more than colleagues." Feeling her emotions surge, she stopped herself from crying simply because she looked down and Lily and saw her completely content, one tiny hand on her breast and the other playing with her tiny ear.

"Have you learned me so well you don't bother with certain things now? It has been six years, after all." She tried to joke.

"Yes, like right now there's still guilt but I can attribute that to many things, and each time you're around one of the children, you are sickeningly happy. It's the guilt and sadness I feel the most and frequently, you are a person who worries far too much. As for attributions, those aren't always immediately obvious, but usually I find what is the cause of my required presence."

"Well, at least the motives for my guilt or other emotions are still my own." She looked to the window again, the sun had set and the Weasleys had come inside, she could hear them chattering in the living room or kitchen, it was hard to tell.

"You wear your emotions like a mask, even if I couldn't feel them, I could see them." Tapping his finger on the arms of the lounger, she thought him rude but instead of saying anything, she tried to close her eyes, to occlude all emotion and find her library, the place she'd created for her memories and emotions, each tome a different portion of her life and in that place she could remain free, no one could bother her or make her feel badly for things for which she had no control. She leafed through a few books, finding an image of Rose as a baby, how curly her red hair had been, full of jam from a breakfast at the Burrow and Ron, carefully washing it in the sink, taking to fatherhood as easily as he'd taken to a broom. She suddenly opened her eyes and found herself staring into the piercing dark eyes of her former professor and colleague.

"You can't occlude all hours of the day." He chastised her.

"You needn't have to trouble yourself about my guilt, it doesn't even make sense to me right now." They both turned to the door as Charlie knocked.

"Albus is washing up for dinner and wanted me to remind you the Shepherd's pie is in the over, oh and he asked for a story tonight."

"I'll be right up, thank you, Charlie." Hermione smiled and shifted in the seat, hoping she soon wouldn't be wearing the bulky and uncomfortable pads for her postpartum bleeding. Slowly unbending her legs, she took her wand out and closed the window, locking the shutters, then she stood, careful of the sling and waking lily.

"Now that I know about this charm, I'll add it to the things I discuss with Kingsley. It's a cruel punishment to have to deal with my crazy mind." She began to walk passed him, her body sore from sitting too long in one position, but he caught her hand.

"It hasn't been a punishment." She didn't know exactly how to take his comment, and knew she would be confused about it for the rest of the evening, but shoving it deeply into one of her tomes, she climbed the steps, finding Albus waiting to read more of the Hobbit. She spent a full hour with him before Lily needed a nappy change and she to get some sleep. WInnie was coming home and she couldn't wait to finally have her in the house permanently, even if chaos would inevitably follow.

Crawling under the covers, the ones she'd shared with Ron, she wondered again if Severus had felt their passion. Though sometimes she questioned what made her and Ron work, passionate sex had certainly helped things. When they fought, when she was too critical or he too short sighted, their lovemaking had made it better for them. She didn't want to dissect their marriage, but now that he was not in her everyday life, she could see how much he'd done for her daily, things she never even considered. And there was no doubt that she loved him, but it hurt her imagining for a moment that there may have been moments of longing and deep questioning that Severus had perhaps felt, especially after the miscarriages, when Ron gone to work for George, how they'd fought about her job being more important than his. How little they had in common, really, except their shared experiences and Rose, their love was held together through passion, and even the passion was sometimes uncomfortable because of her scars from different parts of the war and their fifth year. But, still, even in the dark he'd been a giving lover, though she was often worried he only had that passion for her because of the dark. Now that the passion was gone, Hermione felt overwhelming guilt and loneliness; in a home surrounded by people, babies literally begging for her life-giving milk and she felt alone.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

( _When Hermione discovered she was pregnant with Winnie)_

 _"Are you staying, then?" Ron called out to Severus, Seamus, and Lavender from the garden. They all answered in unison so he threw more burgers together and then went to the grill. Lavender and Seamus' girls ran around the garden playing with toy brooms and transfigured guaffles. Although Hermione and Lavender had little in common or to speak about, especially the awkwardness of their sharing of Ron, they made through these sort of gatherings by speaking of their girls or how busy they were. Sometimes Lavender brought her new products to try from her hair care line or new materials for outfits. And though Hermione had never been particularly girly, she did appreciate the products Lavender let her try because it meant she would have a touch more confidence with Ron, especially the wonderful charm Lavender had created for glamours that lasted months instead of hours. This way she could hide the scars for as long as possible without having to bother Ron._

 _"Girls, it's time to wash up." Hermione called from the kitchen of their townhouse, bearing the pounding of six little feet into the washroom beside the kitchen._

 _"Need any help, Granger?" Suddenly, she felt ill and almost retched all over the pasta salad as Severus stood next to her._

 _"Carry the salads out, please." Although it was March, there was still a bit of chill in the air, so she sent Seamus out with the logs for the outdoor fire pit and then had the girls take out the cutlery and cups. Before she could grab the pitcher of flavored water, Hermione ran to the loo and vomited, and as she always did, she immediately started crying._

 _"Hermione?" His deep voice immediately calmed her mind. But she didn't open the door immediately, instead she rinsed her mouth and then tried to make her face look less blotchy._

 _"Has something happened?" He asked as she opened the door._

 _"I've had a shock, that's all and I'm terrified if I'm being honest." From the kitchen she heard Ron's feet, stomping down the hallway._

 _"Have you told him, then, about the baby?" Ron protectively put an arm around Hermione's shoulder and pulled her into his side, kissing her sweetly._

 _"No, I hadn't said anything yet, it's still early."_

 _"The doctor said it won't do us any good if we fear we will lose this one the entire pregnancy. If anything, we'll have the best support system and who better to take care of you when I can't?" It made her heart soar to know how much Ron cared for her wellbeing. They walked to the garden together and thought to tell everyone. Severus sat across from her and look worried because she was worried, and honestly couldn't tell if Ron Weasley was being sarcastic._

 _"We're so happy for you both! Another baby!" Lavender shrieked, knowing that secretly Ginny Weasley was expecting as well and only knew because they went to the same healer._

 _"About time, Weasley, I was beginning think your tackle wasn't working." Roared Seamus, jabbing Ron in the side as Lavender tried to cover her husband's remarks. Hermione was honestly thankful for once for Seamus' lack of tact, it took the pressure off of her for a change._

 _"We are excited and I know Rose would love to be a big sister." Ron leaned into Hermione and kissed her sweetly._

 _Later, after dinner when everyone had left except Severus who was helping her load dishes, Hermione took one deep breath and looked to him._

 _"I was going to tell you."_

 _"I know, you've wanted this for a while. Don't worry, I have some potions that might help, if you'll get me your records I'll brew them." She smiled sweetly at him, her friend who always seemed to know what to say and do to calm her nerves or alternately rattle them._

 _"You're one in a million, Master Snape." Standing on her toes, she kissed his cheek and squeezed his hand; he always seemed to know what she needed and was there even if she didn't ask for him._


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: so much happens in this one. I am not completely satisfied with this chapter or the second half, but I don't think I will ever get it exactly how I want it. Thank you for reading! Same warnings- character deaths, episode of PTSD, and mothering.**

 **Chapter 6: Draco Malfoy and the Curious Case of Guilt**

 _(Hermione's magic manifests)_

 _The toddler looked between her parents, arguing about something she didn't understand and when she saw her mummy crying, she wanted her to stop, to help her feel happy so she went quickly to her room and tried to get her stuffed cat, Reginald, and bring it to them. But, every time she tried to get on her bed, she was too short, slipping on the blanket many times before she hit the floor hard. Jane and Martin Granger ran down the hallway to Hermione's room and watched as she picked herself up from the floor and then, as though powered by some invisible force, her Reginald flew from the far side of her bed into her arms. Then, smiling, she looked at her parents and offered Reginald to her mummy._

 _"Martin, what just happened?" Jane picked Hermione up and turned to her husband who looked horrified. He didn't say anything for a long while and Jane could tell he was replaying the scene they'd just witnessed in his mind._

 _"Martin?" Jane tugged his arm as Hermione reached for him to join them in a hug._

 _"Is she doing this?" Jane and Martin felt tied together by invisible ropes as their tiny daughter giggled and kiss both of their cheeks over and over until all Jane and Martin Granger could do was smile and laugh with her, their fight forgotten for the moment because their daughter had something miraculous, even if they didn't understand it._

 _The next day, a woman in strange clothing arrived to talk to them about their daughter; Minerva McGonagall knocked on their door promptly at half ten and greeted them firmly, explaining that their daughter was a witch and since her magic had manifested at quite an early age, the wizarding community wanted to be sure Hermione Jean Granger would be welcomed by her parents into the dual life of a witch and muggle, and that when she was eleven years old, she would receive a letter inviting her to attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Professor McGonagall also explained that two streets over there was a family who had a magical child as well, and gave them the information in case they wanted to learn more about the wizarding world. McGonagall also explained the statute of secrecy to the Grangers, who seemed far more open minded than most muggle families she visited._

 _Although it was a lot to take in, Jane and Martin understood just how amazing their girl was and all that she might be able to do in her life, even if when they looked over to her, sitting on the professional and obviously dedicated woman looking so small with her large, amber eyes, introducing her Reginald to her, they wanted to protect her from the backlash of being a muggleborn witch, as the professor had called her. When Hermione jumped down from McGonagall's lap and brought Reginald to Jane, Jane pulled her quickly into her arms and promised to whatever deity was listening to give her daughter a good life, a happy life, a life she would never regret due to circumstances of birth._

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

Winifred Ruby was retrieved by Severus and Seamus before Hermione even awoke, making it far less likely there would be any trouble. They didn't anticipate she would even be awake when they arrived back at Grimmauld Place, but she was up and pacing, Severus hadn't left her alone for long in a while. It felt as though, for one small fraction of time, she was able to reach into the void and feel what Severus felt. When the doors opened and she saw him with Winnie, she rushed to them, not even looking at his face, simply at the way he was cradling her tiny girl, tiny red curls tuffing out from atop the swaddle of blankets. Slipping into their arms, Hermione cried instantly, knowing that her family was as complete as it could be then, she wrapped a free arm around Severus' waist and then Seamus', leaning into both of them individually in thanks; she knew Severus could feel her overwhelming emotions, most markedly love, but she didn't care if it made him uncomfortable, she immediately went to the nursery where Lily Luna was still sleeping and placed her on the cot, enlarging it a bit as she did, and as though they recognized each other immediately, they snuggled close to each other, so Hermione took out the camera Ron had bought after Rose was born and took their picture. It was sweet how much they looked similar, most babies did, but the two girls had red hair and similar pigmentation, Winnie was just smaller.

"St. Mungos sent all their paperwork, do you want it here or on your desk?" She heard Severus behind her, she merely waved him off, reveling in her daughter finally being home, finally within arm's reach for more than minutes at a time.

"She's not going to disappear, you know." Hermione turned only her head in his direction and blinked a few times before quietly saying, "If you do not understand why I am compelled to stand here, you can find somewhere else to be. I have thanked you and there is breakfast." He saw a single tear fall down her cheek and regretted his words, leaving her to the girls. He hadn't meant them as they'd sounded, he had only wanted to reassure her that Winnie was safe and there, within arms reach. Hermione was embarrassed and disappointed in herself for snapping at Severus, she knew he wasn't trying to be cruel and that if anything, he would try to ease her emotions and not exacerbate them. Though she'd had Winnie's image on the charmed frame Severus had made for her, actually having her physically present in the home made her heart feel far freer than it had since they'd been born.

Winnie remained asleep next to Lily once Hermione placed her in the cot. After casting a charm, Hermione went into the kitchen to pull the extra muffins she'd made from the over and then kissed Albus' head.

"Now these are special for my milk production, so please eat the others I've made. Kreacher cleaned the larder this morning and I've reserved an entire shelf for these and other supplements. Thanks." All the men looked as she piled the scrumptious smelling muffins in a tin and took them to the larder, eating two before gulping a huge glass of milk down.

"When can I meet Winnie?" Albus asked, taking his plate to the sink and wiping his face on the towel.

"They'll be awake soon. It's Sunday, so no lessons unless you want to work on astronomy; my school, urm, friend is coming today and he is particularly good at astronomy." Hermione looked at Severus who seemed surprised that Hermione had invited Draco, but knew there was not much he could do about it. He knew how determined Hermione could be once she believed she was right or was close to solving a mystery, and there was no deterring her. It was clear to Severus that Hermione didn't believe Lucius was guilty at all and even though he chastised her frequently for her sometimes blind faith in people, he agreed with her this particular time. He and Lucius had buried the hatchet after they were both exonerated, but things were still tense when he was around due to shared experiences, both knowing the evil deeds of the other. Draco, on the other hand, was like Harry in his treatment of Severus; aggressively inviting him to everything, thankful beyond belief that Severus had spared him the death of Dumbledore and eventually convinced him that the side of the light was a better life.

"Alright, I'll be outside." He kissed her cheek and flew out the door, the flash of his image made her think of Harry, almost the same age, hair a mess and bright green eyes.

"I've some errands to run myself, love, so don't expect me for lunch. I'm making dinner though and I think it'll be stew or maybe this interesting Moroccan dish I learned." Charlie also kissed her cheek and was off, leaving Severus, Hermione and Seamus at the table. She knew errands meant he was going to see Billy, which made her quite happy because for the first time since she'd become close to Charlie, he appeared to really love Billy, seemed far more committed to him than other person he'd dated.

"Seamus, I finished three of the remaining literature briefs and have the fourth practically finished. I know Lavender would prefer you home today, so if you have things to get done, I'll make sure Severus doesn't apparate to America." Seamus laughed and gave Severus a smack on the shoulder which he immediately regretted as Severus gave him a stare he'd only seen in school.

"Draco is supposed to be here for tea, so that gives me a few hours to figure out what I want to ask him. As far as you know, does he seem to have a relationship with Lucius anymore? I know after the final battle, he and Narcissa swore him off, but Lucius is one slick bastard, at Oxford Draco couldn't even hear his name without making that face he makes, when he's disgusted. I haven't spoken with Lucius for about a year, but we very rarely spoke about Draco." Taking another large gulp of her milk, she wiped her mouth and stared at Severus, who had been oddly silent since they'd walked in with her tiny daughter. He looked surprised that she had still been checking in on Lucius, so had he but for far different reasons he was sure.

"He has mended fences for Scorpius and Hyperion alone, as far as I know, and they are civil." Scorpius was a year off from starting school like Albus, Hermione wondered if she should owl him and encourage him to bring him along; but, Hyperion had been very ill, she knew things were complicated with the Malfoys with Hyperion and Astoria both contaminated with Dragon Pox. Without a second thought, she wrote a quick letter and sent it- Albus was more inquisitive but cunning than his brother, so she thought he'd love to hang out with Scorpius if he could.

"What did you do?"

"I invited Scorpius. Albus is lonely without James and Rose around, and honestly, if that child isn't a Slytherin, I will be shocked." Severus arched one eyebrow and sipped his tea.

"Want to bet on it? Albus Arthur Potter will be sorted into Slytherin, I guarantee it."

"Never, that child is too fanciful to be ambitious and certainly doesn't care enough for resourcefulness or cunning." Hermione finished her milk, rinsed the dishes in the sink and sent them to the magical dishwasher before turning back to him.

"You just haven't spent enough time with him...he can surprise you, for sure. I remember when he was two, James was flying on a tiny broom and Alby used his tiny burgeoning magic to bring all the extra twigs and limbs to him, made himself a broom and charmed it to fly." Severus was impressed, but ingenuity did not equal ambition.

"I stand corrected, but we'll see. With two Gryffindor parents, aunts and uncles, and cousins, an entire family ancestry of Gryffindor, I doubt that boy will stray far from the pride." Walking passed him, she stopped for only a moment and thought of him as a teenager, from the memories Harry had shared with her.

"You were almost a Gryffindor, too, Severus. I'd be just as proud of Alby or Winnie for that matter if they sorted Slytherin; you seem to be the one with-" He interrupted.

"I am not saying these children would not be welcome in Slytherin, I am just stating that the odds are stacked against it. Especially yours...Ravenclaw, perhaps, but not Slytherin." She laughed, so hard her stomach almost hurt.

"We aren't ambitious, are we? Fine, but I expect you to take those words back next September."

"I doubt you'll be most concerned with house sorting with everything else." Hermione's smile instantly faltered and she remembered her grief, the conversation had taken it from her until that point but now it pervaded her every thought...every September first would be a birthday for two beautiful girls and an anniversary of death.

"You really know how to win an argument, don't you." She walked immediately through the dining room to the hallway, where she heard the chime of the spell for the girls go off and though she was angry and annoyed with Severus, she took a deep breath and let herself be obsessed with the idea of her girls finally being together, of getting Winnie to Lily's weight, to ensuring their happiness. She found Lily awake and in need of a change, so she woke both of them in an effort to normalize their schedules, changing them both, new onesies and fresh lotion on both of them before charming the cot to come to her side at the lounger, wrapping the pillow Luna had sent her from her twin boys and set one to each breast. Lily drank like an old pro, but Winnie took a few tries before she latched. It was an incredibly odd sensation and she didn't know if it would always be like this, if she could feed at the same time or should striate it, let one sleep a bit more. She felt like she knew nothing about caring for two infants at the same time and wished Molly was around or Luna to help, their twins seemed to flourish just fine. When both girls opened their eyes, Hermione was shocked to see their eyes seemed so similar, their hair color was also similar aside from Winnie's curls, but Lily's eyebrows were more pronounced. She realized suddenly she'd made a rookie error trying to feed them both at the same time.

As she studied them, she heard the door and wished whomever it was would leave her be. A second knock followed and she finally told him to come in.

"I am only inquiring if you need assistance, Hermione." It was as though he'd read her mind, and then she remembered he practically could. He must've sensed she was in need and showed up; it made her wonder how strong the compulsion was.

"Actually, yes, I think sitting on the floor would be better if I am to try this at the same time, but it can wait until the next feeding. I could use some water, if that's okay?" She finally looked up at him and he nodded, brought her water back in quick time with a straw. Every time they argued, she thought he would be obstinate, require her to apologize first but more often than not, he apologized first. He rarely said the words, but his actions told her his regret, and made her typical guilt rise, wishing she knew how to keep them from arguing.

"I read that drinking water while nursing helps. Later, when I try sitting on the floor, can you help me? I may need help positioning them because although this is working right now, it won't be comfortable for long." He didn't say a word, only stood in the doorway between the nursery and her new room, carefully not watching her but feeling every ounce of her anxiety.

"Does it make you uncomfortable for me to be here?" He asked, finally after feeling her energy pulsing around them. There was something in her emotions he couldn't quite figure out, a feeling he didn't quite recognize.

"It did at first, but now, I guess I'm immune to this making others uncomfortable. Besides, after being hexed and then healed a few times, my sense of propriety is completely gone. Poor Madame Pomfrey thought I was an exhibitionist because it hurt so much to have clothes on. Anyway,Charlie doesn't care one bit about breasts, but he isn't so attuned to me as you are. Does it make you uncomfortable to be here? For me to ask you for help, I guess especially when you don't have a choice." Her head turned and the light caught her eyes, he felt the familiar tug at his own heartstrings and hated himself.

"No, though it probably should. I'm not a father, I have no sisters, I don't really know how to help you unless you direct me; the last infant I was around for extended periods was Draco and even then, Narcissa was extremely shy. Potter always tried to get me here to be part of James and Albus' life, but I...well." He stopped, noting that she was still looking at him, her freckles more pronounced in the particular light of the room like the evening before and her hair, though plaited, seemed far longer than he remembered her keeping it normally. He'd said too much, he'd been saying too much too frequently.

"More water, please." He brought the glass to her again and tried his best not to think about her emotions, the guilt he felt most especially. When she was finished with the water, he left the room and tried to busy himself in the kitchen and library, waiting for her to need his assistance. She carefully wrapped both girls in and on the pillow, moving them back to the cot and fixing her bra and cardigan before looking around the room and planning for the next feeding. If she timed it right, Draco would be gone before either girl woke again, but she really didn't know Winnie's routine.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

( _Oxford)_

 _Hurrying down the stairs, Hermione didn't see the familiar blonde heading in the opposite directions until their elbows collided, forcing both of them to drop their texts and notebooks. When she met his eye, she immediately pulled her hand back and then frowned; without Draco and his mother she knew Harry would be dead and she hated that her first response was to worry he would hurt her, call her a name, or simply ignore her. She simply couldn't handle another person tossing her aside, even if she didn't particularly care about Draco personally._

 _"I didn't know you'd come to Oxford. I heard you were still at Hogwarts working in healing." Draco said quickly, handing her the planner she carried with color-coded tabs and dates, trying to finish her degree in two years. He had to have known she was no longer at Hogwarts; she'd already passed the Wizengamot Bar and successfully defended his father, but perhaps he didn't want to think about Lucius_

 _"I left last year, before I passed the bar." They stood awkwardly for a moment, both willing to converse but not really knowing how since for many years they'd been rivals; rival houses, rival beliefs. Hermione knew the last two years of school had changed him, being forced to take the Dark Mark had changed him psychologically; she knew he'd suffered the task of having to kill Albus Dumbledore, what seventeen year old should even have to fathom such a task._

 _"That's right, sorry, Severus has written me a few times but I haven't brought myself to visit. Did you know they commuted his sentence?" She liked how Draco's hair was cut, she suddenly thought looking at him, trying to ignore that he was speaking of Severus Snape, but she knew she couldn't._

 _"I offered to defend him as well, but they wouldn't allow me to work your father's case and his since I had only recently passed the bar. We don't speak much anymore." Hermione stuffed her papers into her folder again and watched as his mind processed what she was saying; they'd both brought up a sore point for the other. She watched suddenly grab his arm, as though his Dark Mark was in pain. "Do you still have pain? Let me see, I can help." Reaching for his arm, she watched as he snatched it away before she could touch it and knew he was having the same problems Severus had._

 _"Seriously? I healed Severus', I can heal yours." His eyebrows shot up when she said Severus, but he extended his arm for her to see once he realized that she did know more about healing than he did. It wasn't oozing as badly as Severus' had, probably because he was younger and had only had the mark a few years._

 _"I can fix this. I'm in Tudor Hall, room 300 if you want to come by after classes. I'm there or the library most days, and I work at the coffee shop on the weekend. Sorry, I'm-"_

 _"No, thank you, really. I'll come by tomorrow after classes, if that is alright." She nodded and so did he, and they went each in their own direction. Hermione went to historical precedent and Draco to an estate law class, both knowing they'd eventually cross paths again if he didn't come to see her, so he decided he needed to. So much had changed since the war ended and Draco was dedicated to righting the wrongs of his youth, especially with people like Hermione Granger, who had given so much of herself to the war effort. He knew she'd saved Severus, a known spy and former Death Eater, she'd help care for hundreds and rebuild the castle, she'd saved his father from a life in Azkaban. Though he certainly didn't plan on speaking with her about Lucius, part of him felt obliged to her even if he hadn't spoken to his father since his parents' messy divorce. When he finally sat in his desk, this class filled with muggles, he thought about how she'd offered to help him, even though he'd been so cruel; he barely knew people as loyal and honest as Hermione. He hoped he could prove he'd changed, even if they never became great friends._

 _The next day he came over, she began the process of healing his wound and then gave him instructions, spells to cast to keep it healing and then told him he needed to return weekly until it was completely healed and what to do if it started rejecting the spells. When she saw him a week later, he brought Astoria Greengrass to meet her; they'd just become engaged the day before._

 _"Congratulations, truly!" Hermione exclaimed, wanting oddly to hug him like she did Harry and Ron because their detente had made her miss them so much and even though she knew that she and Draco would never be best friends, but she was glad she found someone at Oxford who understood what had happened to them._

 _"Thanks, Granger, my mother is throwing us an engagement party next Friday and I thought you might like to come...it won't be at the manor, umm, here." He handed Hermione the invitation and saw that Narcissa Malfoy had written a personalized invitation to her._

 _"Well, I'll add it to my calendar. Now, please stay, I've made plenty of food, unless you have other plans, of course?" Astoria helped Hermione with the plates and Draco poured the wine; it wasn't as awkward as she'd thought it would be when she'd invited them to stay. Astoria was nothing like her sister Daphne and as an arithmancy and maths student, Hermione felt like they had much they could speak about, even though Hermione was concentrated on law, she was also taking muggle maths so she could operate in both worlds if needed. When it was time for them to go, Hermione shook both of their hands and said she'd go to the party, but part of her worried she'd talk herself out of it by the time it rolled around. This habit of convincing herself not to do things had started when she finished her NEWTs, angry and despondent she went to her parents and hid away as their memories healed, then went directly to Oxford, making her schedule so busy she couldn't commit to anything else._

 _Cleaning the dishes and tidying her sitting area, Hermione suddenly thought, 'What if Severus is there?' and then she was sure she wouldn't go. She couldn't bear to see him again, even though it had been over a year, she didn't want to face him, to see his disgust, to have him push her away again. But then, as she looked at the invitation, she saw Narcissa's handwriting, the olive branch being offered and decided to go._

 _When Friday classes ended, Hermione went directly to her suite and took a quick shower, styled her hair with a new charm Lavender had shown her over Easter holidays and then apparated to Narcissa Malfoy's new estate. It wasn't as lavish as she remembered Malfoy Manor being, but still far more ostentatious than anywhere she'd ever lived. Her parents flat in London was cozy, paid for, and a treasure; she wished they weren't planning to sell it and stay in Australia._

 _"Good evening, I'm so glad you made it, Ms. Granger." Narcissa extended her hand to Hermione and looked deeply into her eyes, thanking her without saying the words._

 _"Please call me Hermione. Thank you for inviting me, Draco and Astoria make such a lovely couple." Narcissa took Hermione's arm for a second and led her to the refreshments and then, like a beacon, she felt his presence: Severus was across the room speaking with Kingsley Shacklebolt._

 _"Then you must call me Narcissa. I'd like to speak with you sometime about some estate business that Draco cannot handle as heir, would you be available next Wednesday following your seminar? I can come to campus if need be." Hermione mentally checked her calendar and knew she was free._

 _"I'm available and thank you for considering me, the more experience I get now, the more likely I'll have a job when I graduate." Narcissa nodded politely and poured Hermione some champagne as Draco and Astoria came over._

 _"Good, see you then. We can meet at the library?"_

 _"Yes, my last seminar is at four, so I'll be free at five." Sipping the champagne, Hermione felt it go to her head immediately, forcing her to reach for food before she became too tipsy. She couldn't remember the last time she'd eaten._

 _"Draco, make sure Hermione gets some hor'dourves, I must make the rounds."_

 _"Thank you for coming." Astoria leaned in and kissed Hermione's cheek and suddenly the entire thing felt completely surreal. Never in a million years did she think she'd be at an engagement party for Draco Malfoy._

 _"Thank you for inviting me, this is such a lovely home." Hermione tried not to look in the corner where Severus and Kingsley were speaking, but she couldn't help herself. He seemed well, healed beyond how she'd left him and that made her happy for a moment, before she remembered how cruel he'd been after such a long year trying to bring him back to life._

 _"We'll live in the upstairs after we marry. Narcissa has already had me pick out new linens and furniture. I had no idea what I was getting myself into." Hermione smiled but simply couldn't relate. When she wasn't in the dorms, she was at Grimmauld Place making it habitable for Harry and Ginny, and even then, even with pensions and restitution, they were living moderately. Somehow there was still a fear amongst them that the war hadn't really ended, so to hear someone as privileged as Astoria speaking of linens and furniture made her feel inadequate._

 _"How lovely, you'll have to show me your designs. We've been fixing Grimmauld Place for over a year and the top three floors haven't been touched." Casually, Hermione took some of the crab dip and tried not to think about her quickening intoxication and the fact that she felt like an outsider in a room full of mostly Slytherin and Ravenclaw alumni, aside from Kingsley she was the only Gryffindor._

 _"I'll bring the notebook when we come for Draco's arm, okay?"_

 _"That would be lovely, we need all the ideas we can get." Hermione lied, but being polite to Astoria was easy. She was a kind soul, ambitious and cunning for sure, but kind and so good for Draco._

 _"Hermione, so surprising to see you." She felt a hand on her waist and almost dropped her drink, turning to see Kingsley at her side. He casually led her away from Draco and Astoria, moving her towards the dining area with had been transfigured for dancing. Taking her drink and setting it down, Kingsley asked her to dance and she obliged. It felt nice to be so close to a man, even if he was to be her boss when she graduated._

 _"I wish I'd known you were coming tonight, a familiar face from the Order is a welcome surprise." His hand stayed appropriately at her waist, his other held her hand firm but with grace. He seemed to glide where she was awkward, but she thought of Viktor and things smoothed. Viktor was the person she always went to in her mind when she danced; the first guy who'd cared for her regardless of how brainy she was. She wished they'd kept in touch after the war, but she knew he was struggling in Russia trying to get his father's estate settled and finding himself unemployed for the first time since he was fifteen. She couldn't imagine being a 'star' for as long as he had on the quidditch scene, but then again she'd been featured by Rita Skeeter in the Daily Prophet since she was fourteen._

 _"I've been healing Draco; I didn't know we were both reading law until I bumped into him." Her eyes stayed on his, like Severus he had eyes that seemed to go right through her, looking into her very soul. Before she could say anything else, she felt a tap on her shoulder and saw Percy Weasley._

 _"Now this is truly a surprise!" Kingsley and Hermione said simultaneously as Percy hugged Hermione and shook Kingsley's hand. Of all of the Weasleys, she'd once thought she had the most in common with Percy but time had shown he wasn't her favorite Weasley, not even in the top five. He spoke with them for a few minutes then scampered off to speak with people Hermione didn't recognize. When Kingsley also walked away, thanking her for the dance she felt alone. She wanted to talk to Severus, to see how he was fairing but thought he would be less than willing, so she refilled her drink and went to speak with Daphne, at least to be polite. When she felt like she'd spent enough time hobnobbing with the fellow attendees, she quietly walked to the front door and stepped through, she knew she wasn't an important guest, simply someone the Malfoys wanted around for legal help and an ally back into 'good' society, so she didn't feel guilty. As she pulled her traveling cloak from her bag, she saw him out of the corner of her eye. He was standing by a column, like her looking as though he'd rather be chopping frog spleens and Hermione paused for a second, wondering if she should make the first move- the things he'd said to her and she to him had been rather terse and she doubted he'd be polite, so without another thought, she apparated back into her suite at Oxford. Unaware, of course, that Severus followed her and had been following for a few months, ensuring her safety until he took that job more permanently years later, fighting the same battle within himself to talk to her, to bridge the gap he'd created but found it had grown too wide. He admired her tenacity, her heart so willing to help Draco and his family despite their history and for a moment, he hoped that someday she could forgive him as well, especially when she learned what he'd done to ensure his freedom._

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

"Draco's in the library." She heard through the door. Making sure she was presentable, Hermione made her way to the library where Kreacher was setting the tea service.

"God, you look like hell." Draco scoffed, taking her hand in his and pulling out her chair.

"It's to be expected." Hermione quipped back, hearing Albus and Scorpius racing up the stairs. She hoped they didn't wake the girls.

"I'm glad to hear your daughter came home, Scorpius stayed in the hospital for a month."

"I remember, Astoria wrote to Ginny once for advice about using lavender in the bath water, so Ginny relayed everything about his curious birth. I hope he and Alby have fun; things can be terribly boring here for a boy his age. How is she, by the way, Astoria- I heard she was back in containment and Hyperion as well." Hermione sipped her decaf tea and watched as Draco poured his own, taking two sugars.

"She's doing better, home and resting until she can get treatment again, she's not required to be in containment any longer. Unfortunately, Hyperion and she cannot be together, he's still contagious and she's on different therapies, but the strains are different, being together would make it worse and yet it's all she wants right now." Hermione nodded and tried not to cry, she knew how devastating it was for Draco to watch his wife ill as their youngest son also struggled to thrive. Having lost two herself, she hoped little Hyperion would survive the dragon pox, even though it looked unlikely for Astoria. Since it was so contagious, they'd been in St. Mungos for months, but hearing that Astoria was home meant she would die soon, no longer contagious. She watched the emotions of losing his wife cross his face, but then, like Severus, she watched him shift and change.

"Severus says you think Albus will be Slytherin." Draco's teasing reminded her being at Oxford.

"Yes, definitely. " Draco laughed, his blonde hair falling on his neck like it did in school, making her nostalgic for a moment.

"Look, I don't want Lucius to be behind this and I don't think he is, but he needs a good defense and I cannot do that this time I think." Hermione went straight to it, she didn't want to forget the entire purpose of his visit.

"True, my father is no saint but he wouldn't want your family dead. After his trial, he changed, he thought of you as his redeemer; there's no way he would've wanted you hurt." Another sip, their eyes locked and Hermione was sure he was being honest.

"I can't meet with him until Kingsley grants me permission; I'd at least like to hear his version of the events." She paused and held out her hand for his. "Someone has tampered with Alby's mind. Severus and I both saw the same events but there's a glitch, an obvious departure from the rest of the memory. I asked you here because I want to know what really happened and to see if you will support your father's defense." Although he looked surprised, she knew he would've anticipated her motives for the meeting.

"I may still harbor serious anger towards the man some days, but I don't want to see him in Azkaban for a crime he didn't commit." She watched him fold and unfold his hands just like his father.

"Do you think there are Death Eaters still at large? Someone the Weasleys or Harry pissed off enough to cause such a huge accident?" Hermione's hand shook a bit, rattling her cup before she brought her other hand to still it, putting everything down on the table.

"I certainly hope not, but there's so surety. I mean, Carson McNair works for the Ministry and his father was a Death Eater, but so was mine and so was I." Hermione contemplated his words, knowing that people could be rehabilitated, that she'd made friends of those who had once done deplorable things, but so had she.

"Will you help us investigate?"

"Of course, you know I love a good mystery, though I don't mean that to sound insensitive." She gave his hand a good squeeze and sighed heavily wondering if he thought his father was really innocent. Eventually she heard Albus and Scorpius run back down the stairs then to the garden.

"I went to Hogwarts yesterday to pay my respects." Draco said, breaking the silence. It made Hermione cry immediately; this person who hated her in school, who called her foul names and wanted her gone, cared enough in adulthood to visit the graves of her family.

"Thank you, truly." As though on cue, Severus arrived with more tea and sat with them. They talked for another hour before Hermione heard Charlie come through the door and go straight to the kitchen to start dinner. She excused herself, checked on the girls then found herself alone in the loo, Draco was right she did look terrible. She studied her reflection, the dark circles under eyes, sunken cheeks, and red eyes; she'd been crying so frequently she was surprised her tear ducts still worked. She smoothed her waist and noticed that the roundness of her stomach was changing, but she still looked pregnant. When she returned to the library, she found it empty and then found everyone except Charlie outside, including Severus who was speaking with Draco. The air was crisp, but perfect. They stood in silence and watched the boys play from the window in the kitchen.

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

( _Hermione's birthday the year she spent back at Hogwarts)_

 _She woke slowly in the infirmary, forgetting where she was for a moment and instantly panic filled her, nothing seemed familiar, the air felt thick like a fog, and then she saw him, Professor Snape was across from her. It all came back suddenly, she had been asked to stay with him in case he needed a pain draught or anything else in the night, but he hadn't called out, used his bell, or even threw something at her to get her attention, so she knew the night mustn't have been a bad one if he seemed so peaceful. After her morning ablutions, she came to his side, felt his pulse and checked the bandage at his neck, the oozing ulcer of his former death eater's mark and then his temperature. All seemed well, so she wrote as much as she could in chart then moved to grab her texts and revise her notes for her exam in Arithmancy later that day. Leaving everything behind, she walked down to the Great Hall for breakfast and found Ginny and Luna already eating. It made her happy that returning seventh years were able to sit wherever they liked, so Hermione got to spend more time with Luna and Justin Finch-Fletchley, who had become a good friend during the rebuilding._

 _"How is Snape?" Justin asked, piling his plate with eggs and beans._

 _"Professor Snape is resting, he seems better today. I'm sure he'll continue to have these relapses until the venom is completely out of his system." She replied, buttering her toast, dropping the knife as soon as two hands covered her eyes, two arms grabbed her tightly and she began to shake, terrified instead of exhilarated, Hermione threw them off of her with magic she barely knew she possessed and immediately stood, wand drawn only to see the eyes of her two best friends._

 _"What the hell?" Ron yelled, he and Harry on the floor. Hermione turned and immediately fled, going so quickly and mindlessly to her rooms that she didn't even know how she gotten there at all. When she crossed the threshold, she fell on the floor herself and cried, holding her sides and wishing the war hadn't changed her so much, that her first instinct wasn't always fear. A gentle knock came moments later._

 _"Hermione?" She heard Harry's voice and opened the door, her tears falling without cessation._

 _"I'm so sorry." She blubbered, jumping up and hugging him; hugging him so tightly he lost his breath but Hermione was truly happy to see him and him, she'd just been so scared._

 _"It's okay, I swear. I have moments like those, too. Ron's a git, he'll get over it." Hermione kissed his cheek softly then pulled him on her bed, they talked for an hour before Ron made his way down, peeking his head in the room before saying anything and then sitting on her bed as well._

 _"So, sorry about that. Ginny said you've been working with Madame Pomfrey and old Snape."_

 _"It's fine, I just get panicky sometimes. Actually, I need to go check on Professor Snape, wait for me here." She unfolded her legs and started to move before Harry put his arm on her shoulder._

 _"We have a surprise for you. Snape can wait a bit, Pomfrey will see to him." She tried to hide her worry, to pretend that things following the war were fine and that she didn't need to go to the infirmary to ensure Professor Snape was being taken care of, but she really wanted to._

 _"What's the surprise, then?" She smoothed her jumper and skirt, taking Harry's hand as they walked back through the castle to the entrance and then through, catching up and joking about their Auror training and her healer training as she caught up on school work._

 _"I don't think I'll stick with it, but it's good to know. I mean, I took care of you two enough." When they entered the Three Broomsticks, Hermione dropped Harry's hand as soon as Ginny and Luna rushed them._

 _"Happy birthday, Hermione!" As many Weasleys as could fit, all the seventh and many sixth years and more were there to celebrate her birthday and she was shocked; she hadn't even remembered it was her birthday at all. Suddenly surrounded and engulfed in hugs, she felt two overwhelming feelings: happiness and suffocation. Eventually, they dispersed and brought her to a seat at the table, singing happy birthday and giving her gifts. She was flabbergasted and embarrassed; no one had paid this much attention to her for months aside from patients who could barely speak or professors who asked her questions or discussed her work. All the people who'd helped rebuild major portions of the castle hadn't spoken much. Surrounded by so many people, Hermione wanted to feel their love, their happiness in celebrating her, but each time someone shouted or hugged her right side, she felt her wound ooze and she just wanted to escape. Before anyone else could hug her, she excused herself to the loo and looked at her arm, casting a few spells to stop the bleeding and clean her jumper. Staring at herself in the mirror, she saw someone she barely recognized; her hair was matted in her haphazard bun, there were smudges under eyes and she'd lost a stone at least, and that was after being in the wild for a year._

 _"Hermione?" She heard Ginny call out as the door opened and saw the fiery redhead before she almost lost it._

 _"Are you okay?" Hermione nodded even though she felt like she might vomit. Ginny lightly grasped her elbow and led her back into the ruckus where Hermione pretended to enjoy the attention, but really she wanted to be in the infirmary or her rooms, she needed the quiet, she needed to be alone or caring for Snape._

 _After they ate and started back towards the castle, Ron kept his arm around her shoulders which felt nice at first and then a bit stifling. She didn't want him to have the wrong idea; although she still loved him deeply and was still attracted to him, she simply couldn't fathom having a boyfriend while she finished her NEWTs. When they reached the doors, the seventh years ran in except Ginny and Hermione. Harry pulled Ginny to the side and talked with her for a while and it left Ron to do the same with Hermione, though the sheer magnitude of what he might say felt all too consuming._

 _"Can we go to your rooms?" He asked, holding both of her hands in his, meeting her eyes and sucking her in. Ron's brilliant blue eyes were chasms of adoration she simply couldn't fathom._

 _"I don't think so, I don't quite know the rules."_

 _"Rules...you're not really a student. Come on, I just want to catch up." But Hermione felt like the kiss in the Chamber of Secrets and subsequent kisses and hurried embraces were too much for her as she recovered._

 _"Ron, not tonight, okay? I have two exams tomorrow and we are changing the graft on Professor Snape's neck." He didn't scoff, he didn't complain, he just folded his arms around her and rested his head on hers._

 _"Someday you'll be my girl and I'll never have to say goodbye." It almost made her cry, his teaspoon of emotions had certainly overflowed. "I love you, Mynee."_

 _"I love you, too." Her reply was sincere, regardless of romantic love, Hermione loved Ron and Harry on a level unmatched by any other beings. He dipped down for a kiss and she let him, then squeezed his hand and immediately left, taking the steps to the infirmary in twos and threes, tears rolling down her cheeks as she thought of Ron's disappointment and her own that she couldn't just move on. When she saw Professor Snape turned on his side towards the windows, she was curious. His bed had been completely turned so he could rest on his right side and see out the large infirmary windows. His side lifted a bit and she could tell he was awake, so she went to check him._

 _"Are you in pain, Professor Snape?" As she leaned down to check his bandages, his eyes snapped to hers as her mind was invaded, he showed her that he wanted to go to the Astronomy Tower, but she didn't think he was quite ready to walk that distance,so she promised to move him to the windows. She felt him searching her mind, seeing her day and evening in quick succession; she pushed him from her mind and then felt badly when he tried to wiggle his way back into her mind to show her his pain, his need to see something besides stone walls._

 _"I want stars." He whispered in scratchy, broken words, ripping himself from her mind and then suddenly, he sat up and went to the ledge of the window, his legs stiff and his arm so painful he could hardly tolerate it, but he needed to see something besides stones- the stones were haunting him._

 _"Please." He begged, reaching for her and his cane. Huffing, she walked with him slowly down the hall and then towards the Astronomy Tower, climbing each step painstakingly slowly and then when they'd reached the top, she couldn't bear to look at his face; had he been there since Dumbledore died? Was he thinking of that night? She went to the ledge and looked out over the lake, the moon was barely visible making the stars remarkable, breathtaking. In her ruminations, she almost forgot her was standing next to her until he leaned against her, his left side pressed gently against the back of her right, stabilizing him as he looked out with her, breathing softly but she thought she heard him begin weeping so she chanced a look and saw he was not, it was just odd sounds._

 _"Professor-" He scowled at her, entering her mind harshly and yelling his name, over and over._

 _"Fine, Severus, do you need a pain potion?" Continuing to scowl, he leaned into her a bit more as she looked at him over her shoulder, trying to figure out why he was so annoyed with her and then when she thought he'd left her mind again, she felt him probing. He saw her in the mirror, he saw her belting her too big skirt, he saw her powerful magic as Ron and Harry surprised her, he saw her nightmares until she effectively pushed him out, seeking his own mind, seeing his nightmares, the torture and depravity, the continuous fall of Dumbledore off the tower, the continued wish for death and endless cycle of pain, her voice reading to him, her hands cleaning his wounds, working his muscles, washing his hair and then nothing. They'd blocked each other, so they both looked away and towards the vast expanse of the grounds, he still leaning on her side and for once that day, it was more than a comfort, it was a necessity for both of them._

 _Hours later she helped him to his quarters, helped him change into softer pajamas and then gave him his potions before setting his wards to recognize her again._

 _"Goodnight, Severus." He didn't move, but as she reached the door, she heard his softly whisper, "Happy birthday." She smiled as she walked to her quarters, especially when she turned out the lights and for the first time since she'd been helping him convalesce, he charmed her ceiling to reflect the night sky. It was such a simple but lovely gesture that when she finally fell asleep, she had pleasant dreams and slept her first full night since before Bill and Fleur's wedding. She thought of seeing him in the morning, learning to change his graft to his final round and brew section three potions with Slughorn until Severus was more recovered and all of that felt promising and not intimidating at all, like a true birthday present._


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Some plot revealed and more background into the relationship of HG and SS, HG and Draco Malfoy. Although one part of the accident is explained, there are still major gaps- don't think this story is over yet! Warnings: episodes of PTSD, character deaths, mentions of miscarriage. Thank you for reading!**

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

( _celebrating Hermione's birthday early in her first year)_

 _Martin brought the cake in from the kitchen, glowing with twelve candles brightly in the dimly lit room as Jane began singing. He followed her in song, both staring at their sweet daughter going to Hogwarts the next day, her eyes larger than her father could remember suddenly. When she blew out the candles, he hugged her tightly then put his arm around Jane. They ate the german chocolate cake and vanilla bean ice cream before sitting together and watching the tele for an hour before Hermione wanted to try sleeping, even though she knew she wouldn't sleep even if she laid still all night._

 _"Dear, do you want some sleeping medicine?" Jane asked opened Hermione's door and finding her a bit morose sitting on top of her plaid bedding._

 _"No thank you, I just-" Hermione reached for her, pulling her close like they did frequently when things were stressful or overwhelming, when Hermione became aware that she was dramatically different than the people at her primary school._

 _"You will be wonderful. Think about how much power you felt at the wand at Ollivander's shop; don't fear, darling." Hermione held her mother tightly, thinking about all the friends she didn't have, aside from her friend Ebony who was supposed to have gone to Hogwarts with her, but when her parents moved to France, they were sending her to Beauxbatons instead._

 _"You're right, Mum. I'm just nervous." Jane kissed Hermione's forehead and continued to cradle her like she was an infant. When Hermione finally fell asleep, Jane went into the master bedroom and saw Martin with his planner open, hair wild and crazy like Hermione's._

 _"She's asleep?" He asked, taking his reading glasses off the bridge of his nose._

 _"Yes, she's nervous but I'm sure she'll be fine." Jane changed into her pajamas, washed her face, and came back in the bedroom and joined Martin looking at their crazy schedule for September._

 _"Time's like these, I wish we'd had another after Hermione." Jane whispered into the void as Martin looked over from his work and leaned in to kiss her softly._

 _"I know, me too, but she will be fine. We both survived boarding school."_

 _"You're right, I'm just not ready for her to go." Putting his planner on the nightstand, Martin turned the light out and held Jane, just as she'd held Hermione earlier. Although neither could imagine what would become of their precocious daughter, both supported her through everything even when they didn't understand her life nearly as well as they had when she was small._

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

Weeks passed in an odd dance of normality and function. Hermione wasn't granted permission to speak with Lucius until the end of November, which felt eons away, and as far as she was told, he was still their only suspect. It was a frustration she could only explain when Albus wasn't around, and even then she hated to dwell on the case unless it meant closure. She and Charlie traded off meal prep, but she found that Albus enjoyed helping cook and even prepared a meal, supervised of course, for them the night before her birthday. She wouldn't even have thought of her birthday if Charlie hadn't woken her with blueberry pancakes and a song, just as Ron had done for all the years of their marriage. And though it made her cry, she felt loved. Lily and Winnie seemed to prefer the same cot but feeding and eating enough herself kept Hermione busy most of the time. Between lessons with Albus and taking care of the girls, she wondered if she'd ever get over the exhaustion she felt, even with help every now and then from Severus and Charlie, she thought she might crack under the pressure of practical twins at nineteen days- she couldn't imagine what it would be like when they were mobile. Charlie left for Romania once his leave was up but came back every other weekend in October to make sure things were going smoothly. Aside from being extremely frustrated with the case and feeling like a shut-in, Hermione was surprised at how well things were going with the girls and Albus.

After finishing all the remaining paperwork she had from her cases, Hermione began to fill her little free time with creating lessons for Albus and trying to investigate a bit of the case on her own. She'd never been involved directly with criminal law, aside from Lucius Malfoy's case, all of her other work had involved legislation and precedents; she never thought she'd get involved with the criminal side of law again after Lucius, but she couldn't help but feel personal pressure to figure out who was behind the attack. Although she knew Severus could most likely fix Albus' memory, he hadn't yet and it made her wonder if he was told not to by Kingsley. The worry over what be unlocked in her nephew's mind only bothered her at night, when she was alone feeding the girls. It made her want to try for herself, to push the boundaries of his mind and memory to discover the missing piece, but she simply couldn't bring herself to. She thought perhaps it might be better to borrow a pensieve and extract the memory for further viewing.

Draco and Scorpius had come over several times since their initial visit, but for Albus' sake, Hermione wished they could come every day. It was obvious Scorpius wanted to get away from the sadness in his home and found an ally with Albus, who had already lost his parents. She watched him go through the motions, finish his work and play outside, but she could tell he was lonesome and missing his brother and parents. When James and Rose wrote letters, typically on the same parchment, they also seemed to be going through the motions, playing the game of life. She hated that they'd had to go back to school so soon after the accident, but she didn't worry about them as much as she worried about Albus. She was completely surprised when, after a light lunch and work with Albus, that Charlie offered to take care of the girls in a secret dinner with Severus. She didn't ask where they were going, she simply took his hand and they arrived in Hogsmeade, where Hagrid was standing with James and Rose at the Three Broomsticks.

"Oh my goodness, what a surprise!" She immediately ran for them, wrapping both children in a tight hug, kissing their cheeks and then giving Hagrid a big hug as well.

"I'm so sorry I didn't get to say goodbye last time, Hagrid or even tell you about Winnie, we gave her a middle name for you; Winifred Ruby."

"That's awfurly sweet, 'Ermione. Think nothing of it, go enjoy yer belated birthday dinner. I'll be waiting ter walk you back to Hogwarts." Hagrid smiled at her and for a moment she was transported back to simpler times, before they'd all lost so many people. James and Rose told stories of their time at Hogwarts and though it had only been a short time, Hermione could tell they loved being at Hogwarts as much as she had.

"Aunt Hermione, why didn't you tell us about the troll your first year?" James smiled over his pumpkin juice, the same smirk Harry had often displayed when being mischievous and Hermione couldn't help but laugh with him.

"Your dad never told you about that?" Hermione asked, taking a bite of her steak pie and watching as James nodded. "Well it was all his fault, no not really, it was your Uncle Ron's, I heard him making fun of me and as a muggleborn going to Hogwarts, I had enough trouble fitting in. I had such high expectations for myself and before I even left, I had read everything so many times I could recite it. Anyway, without that troll who knows if we would've become friends; I almost asked to be re-sorted before that night since the hat tried to put me in Ravenclaw."

"You were almost Ravenclaw?" Rose piped in, having heard the story about the troll in bits and pieces but never fully.

"Yes, and even though I'd read Hogwarts: A History many times, I didn't quite know which house I belonged in. The hat debated for a while, but must've seen something in me I didn't quite see." An odd smile played on Hermione's face as she watched the children absorb her words, both exchanging a look that signaled that they couldn't imagine Hermione as anything but a Gryffindor.

"What about you, Mister Severus?" James asked, looking to the austere man who had said very little thus far in the evening.

"Yes, Severus, tell them about your hat experience." Hermione teased, hoping he was in the right kind of mood to deal with the children.

"I asked for Slytherin, but the hat considers all possibilities." She grinned and touched his arm.

"That's all? The hat considers all possibilities." Jokingly, she turned completely towards him, challenging him to tell them more.

"Fine, I was almost Gryffindor, the hat practically begged me to change my decision."

"You would've been a great Gryffindor, but I am glad you were Slytherin." Rose commented.

"And why is that, Miss Granger-Weasley?"

"Because you might not have learned chess and strategies as you have, and I appreciate the ways you've helped me over the years, especially talking Mum into things." Severus grinned in the only way he knew and folded his arms, looking between Rose and her mother.

"Just wait until your brother is a Slytherin, Jamie, you'll have a Slytherin wannabe in Rose and Alby and Scorpius in Slytherin proper. Good luck." Hermione pretended to toast to them and laughed, it felt so good to see Rose and James, to be out in public for food with her friend, even if things between them were tense; although she missed the girls, it was nice to not have one attached to her breasts while she ate.

"Alby is such a Slytherin. I wonder if Mum and Dad figured he would be or if they thought we'd all be Gryffindor." James' contemplative question made them all pause.

"Your dad asked me about it once, because they'd had a fight and it was nasty, like he said some things to Alby that he felt really guilty about. He would've been proud regardless, I know, whether you all were in Gryffindor or any house, he just wanted you to be happy." Hermione felt her voice break a bit, realizing again how terrible it was that Harry was missing out on seeing his children become adults, that Ron and Harry would never know their youngest children; it suddenly felt like too much. She stood and went to the loo, where her tears fell without abandon until she heard the door open after several minutes passed.

"Mum?" Rose's voice, like a perfect song, rang out through the loo. "Mister Severus asked me to check on you."

"I'm okay, sweetie, just hormonal." Hermione wiped her eyes and walked out of the stall to find her daughter standing by the sink, her large blue eyes full of tears as well. "Oh, darling, I didn't mean to make you sad."

"You didn't, I was just thinking how lucky I am that you're still here. Jamie and Alby lost both their parents." Hermione pulled Rose into a hug and smoothed her hair, soft and full like Ron's had been.

"I am very happy to still be here, darling, and to be able to love all of you. I know I'm not perfect, but I promise to do my best." Rose squeezed her tightly before they both splashed their faces and returned to the table. Hermione could tell it was time to pump or feed her girls since her chest felt far heavier than normal, so she finished her food quickly. Each time she looked across the table to James and Rose, she couldn't help but see Harry and Ron, goofy and mischievous, daring and sometimes a bit foolhardy. James didn't have Harry's green eyes, but he certainly looked so much like him that she had to look away for a moment in fear that she might cry again. Peering at Rose, the face of her daughter she'd practically memorized, she couldn't help but want to hold her as she did when she was small, to be able, if she could even for a moment, to relieve some of her pain.

After they ate, Hagrid walked them all to the castle and Hermione paid her respects to the Weasleys and Potters, wondering if she was raising the children well enough. The girls were almost two months old and it was hard for her to believe so much time had passed as she sat on Ron's grave, telling him all about Winnie. Severus had remained with them, but aloof neither participating nor fading into the background, he watched and protected, hoping no evil would befall them after he'd taken great pains to organize the dinner before the Halloween celebration.

"I'm sorry, but we must go." Severus whispered, leaning down and getting Hermione's attention. She immediately stood and hugged Rose and James, made them promise to write and then gave them pictures of Albus and the girls.

"How did you manage this?" Hermione asked as they walked towards the gates, she felt her feet pinched in her shoes but no amount of discomfort could remove the happiness she felt.

"Charlie mentioned we didn't really do much for your birthday and reminded me how nice it would be to get out after being cooped up at the house." It reminded her of Sirius during her fifth year when he'd felt so useless. She didn't feel useless, but knowing that she was being protected by the Ministry, as well as her children, it seemed things so far out of her control, and it was a feeling she didn't enjoy one bit. She hadn't wanted to talk about the case or things that would ruin the pleasant mood, but she was incredibly frustrated.

"I just don't understand how there are no other leads, and they won't let me talk to Malfoy until next month, they won't let you fix Alby's memory...it's incredibly suspicious to me." Hermione took his arm as they reached the gates, and for a moment she thought of him as a Death Eater, leaving Hogwarts to go to the Dark Lord and she shuddered.

"They are being cautious for good reason, though I concur that it's suspicious." He pulled her close and apparated to Grimmauld Place where she couldn't shake the feeling of his former life for a moment, the nightmares he'd had in the infirmary and his rooms following the war, and how he wept. They'd both suffered lingering effects of the cruciatus curse, but Hermione's wounds had been healed by the time Severus awoke, he'd never seen the pain she'd been in and for that she was grateful. It worried her, then, that he would blame himself for not being able to stop Voldemort or his followers from hurting them. She knew, in her heart of hearts, that he would've stopped Bellatrix LeStrange from cursing her if he could have. The thought stayed with her, the blade at her arm, the feeling of a thousand blades across her body, opening up the hexed skin; she suddenly felt ill.

"You're suddenly troubled?" He lifted her chin but Hermione didn't meet his gaze.

"It's nothing, only, thank you. I really needed to see them." With that she walked through the door and saw Albus and Charlie feeding the girls, and all her misgivings vanished for a moment.

"Were they good?" She asked, taking Winnie from Albus and kissing her cheeks, running her hand over her soft curls and looking over to Lily, who was completely asleep.

"Of course, they are always good for Uncle Charlie." Standing on her toes, she kissed his cheek as well, then took Winnie to the nursery, coming back for Lily before telling Albus she would make sure he got his story before bed. She spent around an hour with the girls, bathing and changing them, giving them one last feeding and hoping this might be the first night they slept through. After climbing the steps to Albus' room, she found Severus telling him a story about his grandmother, Lily. She listened, her hand on the doorframe as he told Albus about he and Lily Evans fishing in a dammed lake, how she was clever and used the magic she didn't really understand yet to entice the fish over. He told him a few other stories until Albus' eyes began to droop.

"Did you always stay friends?" Albus asked innocently, rubbing his eyes before pulling his covers back and sliding back on the bed sitting cross legged.

"No, unfortunately, I'm surprised your father never told you. I'm sure you'll hear about it when you get older, but no. I made some poor choices, ones that altered my life path, and did things your grandmother found difficult to forgive, not that I blame her. I hope that whichever house you end up in you choose to be a diligent and forgiving friend." Hermione was surprised by the tone of his voice, the way he mentioned Lily with calm and composure when she knew how painful the situation had been for him.

"Will you tell me, someday? About being a spy? I mean, I know it's personal."

"When you are older, though if you have questions once you get to Hogwarts, because I'm sure there are many tall tales about my efforts, I will answer them."

"Thank you, sir. Goodnight, Mister Severus, Dad never talked about his mum." He said, yawning and pulling his covers up.

"He didn't know her as I did. Goodnight, Albus." When Severus stood to leave the room, he found Hermione at the door with tears in her eyes, which wasn't an abnormal sight for her but still, it had been a few weeks since he'd seen her cry so hard. It felt suddenly like the room was too small and so was she, she looked young and innocent, as though none of the bad things that had happened in that last years had affected her at all. Before saying a word, she turned from him and started down the stairs, to check on the girls and say goodbye to Charlie who was returning to Romania until Christmas. Wiping her eyes, she threw her arms around him and tried not to think of Ron and Harry, how it had been them together for years working together, experiencing their lives together since they were eleven, and though she knew she would be strong enough to move on, to live life for their children, in the moment she just wanted to escape. The night had been perfect, her girls happy, Albus and Severus getting to know each other better, and dinner with her Hogwarts kids; but as she watched Charlie grabbing his things, she felt so distraught, as though she was being abandoned. It definitely felt to her like just when she needed them most, when both girls were home and her meeting with Lucius Malfoy was a month away, they were abandoning her.

"I'll be back at Christmas, I promise. George said something about coming to see you tomorrow to talk about some things at the Burrow; I wish I could be here for that, but I know you can do it." Charlie's hands were cold, but Hermione didn't mind as he held hers for a moment before letting go and grabbing his duffle, walking to the door and leaving. There was an immediate, eerie silence in the house; it made her suddenly uncomfortable, until Severus' voice broke the void.

"Seamus will be here in an hour to strengthen the wards. He has been asked to stay as I need to take care of some errands." Scrunching her brow, his tone reminded her of September, when he'd told her he couldn't always protect her. Errands, the phrase Charlie always used when he went to visit Billy; Hermione wondered what kind of errands Severus was being sent on or if they were errands of his own. Why did it feel like she was being left alone at Grimmauld Place when before she hadn't been allowed more than an hour or two without a guardian.

Turning from him, Hermione didn't know why her emotions were so raw or why the smallest things were making her weepy. Wrapping her arms around her midsection, she took a deep breath and nodded, she couldn't form the words to tell him she wished he wouldn't leave because it made her feel alone, even with the children in the house. She understood he had many other responsibilities; she understood that making him stay and guard her all the time was all-consuming, she didn't even know if he returned to his home frequently and hadn't asked about anything in his private life at all. She was filled with guilt, selfishness- how had she not even asked him about his home or how he was getting fresh clothes or even keeping up with work? Grief had made her so short-sighted and the well-being of others had been first in her mind, but somehow she'd lost the humanity of her caretakers.

Yet, even with rationality of thought, Hermione felt his loss and he hadn't even left. Before leaving him she turned again and saw clearly on his face that he didn't want to leave or if it wasn't that, he was doing a pretty good impression of someone who looked lost. How could both Charlie and Severus be leaving her at the same time?

"Do you plan to be gone long?" She asked, worried that she sounded desperate.

"It's not my plan to be gone at all, but I must do what the Ministry asks." His reply was straightforward but she felt consumed by guilt- always the guilt.

"Will you be safe, please?" Her voice was low, calm, and pleading as she tried to decide if what she wanted to say was appropriate.

"I always endeavor to be safe." Annoyed, she wondered if he was incapable of admitting that he wanted to return. But part of her worried he really did want to leave, and if that was the case, she wished he wouldn't return.

"I guess nothing left to say, then." Arms still wrapped around her center, she started to walk away but heard him curse behind her and then quietly whimper, as though he'd hurt himself. When Hermione turned, he was already using his wand to heal the cuts on his hands from the vial he'd been holding. It took for only moments to decide whether she should help him, so when she walked over, she was surprised it had been in his direction.

"What happened?" But instead of an answer, she simply got his infamous scowl. "Fine, do what you want and you accuse me of being irrational and emotional. Goodbye." She left immediately, beyond frustrated with the situation but devastated that she had lost her temper with him again. Of course, at that moment in her anger, she didn't understand that he would be gone for almost two full months.

Entering her room, Hermione immediately went to loo and washed her face and when she changed into her pajamas, she noticed that she was having her first regular period since the birth of Winnie, and that made her feel a little less annoyed with herself for being so emotional. When she felt the wards shift and then calm, she climbed into her bed and tried not to think about the things she needed to do, the trial that seemed like would never happen, the crippling loneliness she'd only felt once before in her life, and the person she was leaning on too often was someone who being forced to. It had also been the hardest afternoon with the girls, neither would calm and both fussy babies kept Albus awake that night. She was sure her own misgivings weren't making it easier to take care of the girls, but she was thankful when she found breakfast made by Kreacher in the morning.

When George came later in the day, he gave Hermione all of Ron's childhood toys and anything else connected to him, like his "R" sweaters from infancy and any pictures that were his or copies of family pictures.

"George," she placed her hand on his and looked into his bright eyes, still mischievous but holding so much sadness, " each time I think I've mastered an emotion or done just one thing right it hits me again. I honestly don't know how you are braving this, any of you." George brought his other hand to rest on hers and sandwich it, unable to form words for a moment.

"Without Angelina and the girls, it would be impossible, but life must go on. We can't sacrifice the living for the dead, you know." She couldn't look him in the eye again as his insightful, painful words washed over her. They sat in silence a while longer as she waited for the girls to wake again, finally sleeping after a rough night and morning, and when George left, she hugged him hard, thankful there were still Weasley men around.

Although it was bittersweet, Hermione thought it would be sweet to put Winnie and Lily in their father's or mother's sweaters for a picture. The rest of the day she spent going through the motions, taking care of the girls and Albus, supervising his homework and teaching him about the dragons that Charlie tamed in Romania. When she finally went to bed late that night, she couldn't get to sleep so she looked through the pictures George had brought her and eventually fell asleep with his picture in her hand. Each time she glanced at a tiny, toddler Ron playing in the garden at the Burrow, fresh tears formed and she felt overwhelmed; the care of two infants was finally catching up to her and it was then she realized how much help just having another, consistent adult in the house was, even if the Weasley brothers checked in and Seamus as well, no one was at the house with her at night, when Albus needed to run outside or help with lessons, when the girls were screaming and it seemed nothing she could do would calm them.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

 _(Hermione's first Christmas home after starting at Hogwarts)_

 _"Hermione dear, what has you so focused?" Jane Granger asked her precocious twelve year old, knowing that it could be a myriad of things. Since she'd first received her letter, Jane had known Hermione was destined for a far different like than she and her husband had experienced._

 _"Just reviewing, we have some exams when we return." Hermione lied, and Jane knew this because when Hermione lied she refused to make eye contact and scrunched her nose or blinked incessantly._

 _"So what is your favorite thing about Hogwarts?" Jane tried to pull her from her text and watched as Hermione reluctantly closed her book, set aside her parchment and quill, and came to sit next to her mother on her bed._

 _"Well, I really love the lessons, and my professors, I mean some are really strict. My potions professor is really clever, but he doesn't really like my house, urm Gryffindor house, and my head of house and he sometimes seem at odds. And I've made some friends, Harry and Ron, they're really funny." Hermione loved when her mother played with her hair, it was instantly calming, something she missed greatly in her room at Hogwarts, surrounded by girls who cared more about their looks than brains._

 _"Your headmaster wrote us about Halloween." Jane's tone was clear; Hermione hadn't written her parents about the incident with the troll, but she should've known Dumbledore would tell them, it was the responsible and professional thing to do._

 _"I was upset because Ron had made a joke about me, several in fact, and I was crying in the bathroom, and we worked together to stop a troll. It's how we became friends, actually." Jane didn't pretend to understand everything about Hermione's life, she worried for her safety but chose to believe that nothing truly terrible would befall her daughter while she was away at school._

 _"Daddy wants to take us to ice cream, what do you say to some mint chocolate chip?" Hermione smiled broadly, ice cream was certainly a treat from her dentist parents. Grabbing her jumper, she followed her mother out of her room, forgetting about her research and her life at Hogwarts for an evening and spending time with her parents. It was the first time she truly realized that her life would continue down a clear path separately from them and she worried they'd lose each other in the end if she didn't try to include them._

 _The next day they had Christmas dinner with extended relatives, none of whom knew she was a witch and even though she could sense a real disconnect between herself and them, it was still nice to be around family. They were planning to go to Paris the next morning, so Hermione didn't let a single thing get in the way of her happiness. She hoped Ron and Harry were spending their Christmas holidays researching like she was, though she was frustrated she couldn't figure out where she'd seen the name Nicholas Flamel._

 _"Hermione dear, tell me about this school you go to." Hermione's maternal grandmother, who she called Nonny, asked bringing a plate of pastries to share with her. Of all of her grandparents, she loved her Nonny the most; although she knew no one else in her family was magical, if there had been a chance for someone else to be, she believed it was Ruth Cooper._

 _"It's in Scotland, as you know. We are divided into groups and there's some competition for points for the end of the year celebration. I love my classes so far." Nonny smiled softly and took Hermione's hand in hers._

 _"Your mother has called me twice a week since you left asking how I dealt with her going to boarding school. You must promise to always be honest with her so she won't worry." Hermione's eyes flashed to her mother's, bright blue and happy amidst all of their relatives, her brothers and sisters._

 _"Of course, Nonny, I do love it there and I'm learning so much." It wasn't a lie, nothing Hermione told her could be misconstrued for truth, but Hermione did feel a bit guilty because she normally told her Nonny everything and now it was against the law to do so._

 _"Janie said you were researching Nicholas Flamel, is that for your science class?" Hermione was shocked; how did her mother know she was researching Nicholas Flamel and how did either of them know who that was?_

 _"Not exactly researching him, something he's connected with but I am at a loss, and yes it's for Science." Nonny took a bite of the lemon bar and smiled sweetly towards Hermione._

 _"He's a famous alchemist, dear, you should be able to find him in any historical text. There are all kinds of rumours and myths about him, quite intriguing really." It dawned on Hermione immediately. They didn't need the restricted section, they just needed 'Hogwarts: A History'. Kissing her Nonny's cheek, she put her desserts down and ran to her room, opening the massive text and found him. Although she was thankful to have finally made the connection, she couldn't help but question how her Nonny knew anything about Nicholas Flamel or alchemy for that matter._

 _"Hermione, your grandparents are leaving." Hermione heard her father call out, she'd been so engrossed in her writing and reading that an hour had passed in what felt like seconds. Scampering quickly down the hallway, Hermione hugged and kissed both sets of her grandparents, then sat with her parents as other guests filtered out, until it was just the three of them again._

 _"Are you packed for France, dear?" Jane asked as Hermione sat between them, her father's arm extending across Hermione's shoulder to touch Jane._

 _"Yes. I'm so excited, we haven't been in years." Martin and Jane exchanged a glance, one that Hermione unfortunately missed; they were going to renew their vows in the small church where they'd married twenty years before, dedicating their lives to each other again as the absence of their only child had made them reassess what they were to each other. Jane was first to voice her concerns, that they'd focused so much on Hermione and her magic that they'd forgotten to love each other and take time to work on things. That was when Martin suggested they remarry, rededicated themselves to each other and Hermione. Although both knew their marriage was far from perfect, they wanted Hermione to have a positive example for a lasting relationship, and were happy that they still loved each other after twenty years married._

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

When she was finally able to meet with Lucius Malfoy, she was nervous but ready to ask him all the questions that had been floating around her brain since she'd first seen into Albus' mind. Though it also made her realize she'd never gotten a copy of the letter he'd written her. It seemed that almost nothing Kingsley Shacklebolt had told her when he came to Grimmauld Place was true, aside from the one part of Severus' 'prison' sentence, she'd figured the rest out on her own. It made her wonder what else he was keeping from her, from the wizarding world for that matter. Although she still trusted Kingsley, she certainly believed him as crooked as Fudge and Scrimgeour and it saddened her because she'd admired him since she was young, when she first knew what the Order of the Phoenix was, but then again, she was the worst for putting people on pedestals, giving them too much leeway and trusting that they had her best interest at heart.

Seamus escorted her to Azkaban, as Severus still hadn't returned from his errands he was apparently running which she was convinced were connected to the case. He'd never been absent from her for so long since coming to the MLE offices. It bothered her that there had been no communication from him, not even to check on the girls; although she assumed he was communicating with Seamus and the Ministry, she wondered why he wasn't communicating with her. She wondered if this particular jaunt away from her was connected to his first five years working for the Ministry, when he worked with the aurors and Unspeakables. It bothered her more than she could express that even after all his years of service as a spy, the Ministry was using him to their advantage.

George and Angelina watched the girls and Albus while she went to Azkaban prison; even without the dementors, it was still an unbearable place. She'd almost asked Draco to accompany her as well, but she knew things between father and son were still a bit unsettled. Although she'd seen him in Albus' memory, seeing him sit before her in the holding room unnerved her; she'd defended him and had spent hours with him, she felt completely unnerved.

"You are looking well, Ms. Granger." His voice still dripped syrupy sweet.

"That's a lie, but I'll thank you all the same. And, it was Hermione years ago, it should be now." Hermione took her notes out and wondered if he would talk as freely as he once had. It had never occurred to her that he would be so open when she was defending him against the Ministry, but hard-fought case brought them closer together.

"I assume you know why I'm here."

"Of course, your dear nephew saw me trying to stop the lorry from flipping and then later, when they took me into custody because they knew they were holding me without proper evidence, when I came to Grimmauld Place to explain everything, Rabastan LeStrange decided to follow me. He and his brother are to blame for the lorry explosion, citing some vendetta against Molly and Arthur, though I still believe you were the ultimate target. I haven't quite figured out why, but I was warned hours before by Rabastan's wife, which is why I showed up at all really, but since I came to Grimmauld Place, they assume I am somehow connected. They are holding me here for parole violation." Hermione was surprised by his candor, but not surprised that the LeStrange family was connected. It was clear he hadn't spoken to anyone in a while because his speech was erratic and quick, as though terrified he may not speak again.

"And why did she feel the need to contact you? Did you tell the Ministry before you showed up where she told you they'd be?" Hermione eye's narrowed in on him, wondering why these former Death Eaters had targeted her family at all, and certainly why the wife of someone she'd never seen warned Lucius to stop her husband and brother-in-law.

"I have no real answer to that, except she knew that they would be caught and killed. Perhaps she wanted to save his hide. They've taken her into custody, but Kingsley probably won't tell you that. And I did alert the aurors and the Minister for Magic himself, though you can see what good it did. I knew there was danger and reported it, as all citizens are asked to do, yet here we are." She contemplated him and wrote a few things down; if she were to take his word, it would mean that someone at the Ministry had allowed them to be targeted and die.

"Who is your representation?"

"It was to be Severus until Shacklebolt sent him away, and I supposed asking you would be a major conflict of interest, so at the moment I'm completely unrepresented, which doesn't seem to be doing me much good since it took them two months to let me speak to someone aside from Severus." Her face felt permanently scrunched; she hadn't realized Severus had been there so often visiting, especially since he hadn't mentioned going to visit him at all.

"No one from our office has been? That is shocking." She watched him cross and uncross his legs, then rest his head on his hand as he normally did.

"Really? You don't find it odd that they've kept me from having legal counsel. They tried last time-"

"Sure, but this is completely different. You haven't murdered anyone and you are entitled to legal counsel; these aren't Death Eater days, though knowing that the LeStrange's are involved makes my stomach turn. How did Rabastan escape? And which brother, Rodolphus died." He could see the wheels turning in her mind.

"Hermione, they will not let you represent me, so as much as I appreciate your mind working at Hogwart's Express speed, I would hate for you to waste your time."It was hard to shift her eyes from his, they'd always drawn her in like Severus', they were the gateway to his soul, what was left of it.

"My mind has been numbed by babies and mourning, so do excuse me for a moment because I quite thought there weren't any active Death Eaters out to get my family anymore and certainly not one I hadn't ever heard of." Writing a few things down, she kept her eyes on Lucius and felt for a moment what it had been like to be in her early twenties, defending him even though she despised most things about his beliefs.

"His name is Reynaldo and he is the youngest; he hid out in Ukraine while the rest of us answered the call, and before you go trying to research him, you won't find much. Severus could barely find his name mentioned in the family's records. Listen, dove, I know I was really only exonerated because my former wife told Voldemort Harry Potter was dead, so my hopes aren't quite so high right now." She watched him fold and unfold his slender, long fingers and wondered if there was anything she could do for him while he seemed completely fine with the hand he'd been dealt. His mentioning Ukraine made her shiver with memories.

"It's illegal, though, what is happening. I will at least petition for your release and I can defend you if I choose, there are no laws preventing me from doing so. I just wish they'd let Severus fix Alby's memory because I'm sure we'd see Mr. LeStrange. I remember now, the night you came to Grimmauld Place that there were other men there, not just you." She watched as his face softened and spark of sorts returned to his eyes. There was no way she could let him suffer in prison when he hadn't committed a crime.

"What is their justification for your parole violation?" She asked, writing a few more notes before looking at his piercing blue eyes again.

"They claim that using my wand, even if it was in defense of you and your family, violates the oath I made not to use my wand outside of my home. Technically, they are completely within their right to keep me here on those terms, though I think the mitigating circumstances trump the parole rules. Besides, I'm only one month away from the parole rules applying." Nodding and writing more down, Hermione mentally flipped through her memory of the parole terms they'd settled so many years prior and knew she could free him, though he'd be under house arrest.

"Not that I mind at all, but why are you so willingly helping me?" His voice pierced her concentration, forcing her to look at him again, to think of her motives and the people the LeStranges had hurt who were so dear to her and the answer was clear.

"Funny, I asked Severus the same thing not so long ago." She wrote a series of bulleted steps she knew she'd need to follow to get his release and then put her notepad away. "You know I'm hopelessly a bleeding heart for a cause and though we may not have seen eye to eye on much, you aren't the man who picked on my muggle parents at a bookshop any longer and I'm not a bright-eyed girl with such naivety. Life is not completely black and white, you know; you and I fall into this gray area." Hermione extended her hand to him and felt both of his grasp hers.

"You've paid your debt to society already, Lucius, you shouldn't be here. I will contact you with any updates." Hermione looked upon him with empathy but all Lucius saw was her grief.

"I'm sorry I couldn't stop the accident from happening altogether; I realize now how devastated you must be- there's something about this place that makes it hard for me to feel anything, but with you here, darling I just don't know how you're coping." Without a second thought, he stood and walked to the door connecting to the hallway of cells, leaving Hermione in the room alone, wondering how she was keeping it together as well. She knocked on the door and found Seamus on the other side. They didn't speak, he knew just as well as she did that Malfoy was being kept there to appease the public while the Ministry floundered trying to hide a Death Eater plot. It seemed like something Cornelius Fudge would've done and not Kingsley. It made her stomach weak, it made her want to swoon and as soon as they left the prison, she vomited in the bushes.

"You okay, Granger?" Seamus offered her his hand and saw the anguish on her eyes, threatening tears, and whisked her away.

"Funny that Severus isn't normally allowed to leave my side yet he's been sent away at this particular time. Something isn't right at all, Seamus." Hermione said as they landed on the stoop of Grimmauld Place.

"If you can, contact Severus and tell him I'm petitioning the Wizengamot on behalf of Lucius Malfoy." Seamus merely nodded as she went inside, found Albus studying his history lesson with George and the girls napping sweetly in their cot. Without a pause, she went to her desk and began filling out the forms required to petition the Wizengamot and sent the forms with Harry's owl Tyrus immediately to the Ministry and then wrote to Draco, waiting for the owl to return. She hoped he'd stay true to his word and help her exonerate his father, even if it meant having to help her defend him. The thought of the LeStranges focusing on her family made her stomach continue to churn; she sat for a moment longer then went to the kitchen to start dinner and hope she was doing the right thing. The only Death Eater she could imagine having a vendetta against her or at least one who she'd had a run in with before was Antonin Dolohov or even Fenrir Greyback, but they were both dead. Of course, she'd thought the LeStranges dead as well. Unless, of course, it was something connected to Bellatrix, but even then Hermione couldn't make the connection.

Stirring the beef stroganoff, Hermione thought deeper on Albus' memory and realized immediately that when he was looking in the opposite direction of Lucius, he'd obviously seen Reynaldo or Rabastan; if he hadn't been obliviated, they'd definitely used a charm to confuse his memory just as they'd done the night she and Severus returned from the hospital. But, just she'd almost completely lost herself in thought, she felt Albus' arm at her waist.

"Can I chop the gherkins?"

"Of course, here, just be careful." Kissing his crazy hair, she watched him slice up the gherkins as though he were preparing a potion. It made her think of Severus and how different the house seemed since he'd been gone. Perhaps the compulsion spell really did work both ways because at odd times, she felt his anxiety, his fear and though she'd always imagined him fearless, she knew he was worried about catching the people responsible and keeping her and the inhabitants of Grimmauld Place safe. It made her guilt surge, to feel that once again he was obligated to a cause, compelled to action without a choice and she hated it; yet, part of her didn't want anyone else to assume the role. If nothing else, she knew how dedicated Severus was to his duties, she just wished it wasn't because the Ministry was making him.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

( _7 months into pregnancy with Winnie)_

 _Hermione sat in the loo crying; she hated the tears and the fear that seemed to accompany every surge of hormones was a smothering feeling she was losing her child. Blood, not red and not heavy, but still there. She didn't recall this with Rose; it didn't seem like Ginny was experiencing the same things. So she sat, the weak woman she'd become during this pregnancy and her fear everyday made her worry._

 _"Hermione? The Ballantynes are here for their briefing. Are you alright?" Seamus yelled through the loo door._

 _"I'll be right out." She squeaked, blowing her nose, then washing her face and trying to calm her nerves. When she finally felt a little less red, she walked into the hallway and saw Severus waiting for her._

 _"The Ballantynes rescheduled suddenly. Would you like to get some tea?" She shuffled to her office, this pregnancy had been the worst yet and most days she was just so thankful to have carried their new girl so long she couldn't contain her happiness, but when there were hiccups in her typical day, she felt those emotions overwhelm her._

 _Walking down to the commissary, Hermione tried to remind herself that everything was fine, it was all normal and every time she felt little Winifred Ruby kick it made her heart soar._

 _"Has something happened?" Lost in thought Hermione looked over to Severus and signed._

 _"Lady business." She replied curtly, feeling the roundness of her seven-month belly._

 _"Lady business? Seriously, Granger, I've held your hair while you've vomited more than once. And besides that, I'm one step away from a healer at this point, so if it's something I can help with, let me." He scanned the room as he spoke. "Besides, neither Seamus nor I can handle the Ballantynes without you and your sharp quill."_

 _"I've had some bleeding, light but still...when I lost the last one I bled for days." Severus stirred his tea with magic from middle finger and watched her face go through the entire gamut of emotions. "And you don't need me for the Ballantynes."_

 _"We'd like you around all the same, especially since you'll be on leave for six months, lazy layabout." Normally Hermione loved his teasing, his sardonic sense of humor was far superior to the asskissers she encountered most of the time at the Ministry, but that day Hermione felt too sore and emotional to laugh._

 _"Do you need me to-"_

 _"No, I don't need anything." She grabbed her tea and went back to their office swiftly, it was too warm in the commissary and she felt too exposed by Severus, as usual he knew the exact thing to say to make her lose her wits. Shuffling papers for a moment, she felt an odd chill fill the room and when she thought she might shiver into hysterics, she almost fainted. With no voice or power to call out, she lay there on her office floor in professional dress, completely immobilized. When Severus showed up seconds later, she was sure he was going to berate her for storming out of the commissary or for whatever had caused her sudden chill and paralysis._

 _"Hermione, you are in shock. Look at me, look at my lips, listen to me breathe." He slowly brought her head up and forced her into his arms, yelling to Seamus to floo Ron._

 _"Breathe, Hermione, count in your head, four in and six out." Ten minutes later Ron showed up and found Hermione wrapped in Severus' arms, her face pale and sickly, her entire body quivering. Severus had sent his patronus because he wasn't sure if Seamus had gotten Ron through the floo._

 _"I think she's had a panic attack, Weasley." Ron dipped next to his wife and cupped her face, leaning down to kiss her softly and then push her curls from her face._

 _"Were you bleeding, love?" Hermione silently nodded looking between the man holding her and the one cupping her face._

 _"It's going to be fine, the doctor said the other day if she came now it wouldn't be great but her chance of survival is high. Come now, let's sit you up and we'll go home. Fleur can floo over and check you, unless you want to go to St. Mungos?" Hermione couldn't speak, she felt trapped and her breathing hitched again, her vision blurred and before she passed out, she saw dark eyes and a worried expression._

 _"There, Mynee, we're home. Fleur came and everything's fine." She heard Ron's voice, felt him at her side gently massaging her arms then taking her hand in his and kissing her palm._

 _"Snape made some potions to help and brought them. I'm so thankful he was there for you; I don't know what I'd do if I lost you." Her eyes filled with tears and she felt foolish, her worry had turned into a panic and that panic had just made things worse._

 _"I'm sorry, love, so sorry. I just worry so much she'll be taken."_

 _"I know, I worry, too, but we can't. I love you, stubborn as you are." Hermione smiled and leaned up on her elbows to kiss him, his soft familiar lips only the second she'd ever known._

 _"Is Severus still here?"_

 _"Yes, he wanted to cast a charm, some kind of anxiety thing he learned after the war." Ron kissed her forehead and went down the stairs. Before Hermione could really take a breath, Severus was at the door, looking impossibly tall and foreboding but also a kind and wanted figure._

 _"Are you here to charm me?" She laughed, imagining him trying to charm any woman._

 _"Mock all you'd like, I didn't pass out in my office today." As soon as the words had left his lips, he regretted them. She'd been far more sensitive during this pregnancy than any other time he'd known her._

 _"I'm sorry, really, you shouldn't have to be in these situations. Maybe I should take leave early." He simply rolled his eyes and cast a few charms on her, strengthening charms and then one to protect her cervix._

 _"Stop trying to shirk your duties." He did one more diagnostic and then helped her to the loo door, seeing a fair amount of blood on the spot where she'd lain and then he worried, which he did so rarely felt, and felt her fear as well. When she exited the bathroom, he'd already taken care of the sheets and helped her back into bed._

 _"Stay home tomorrow." She saluted him in mocking and watched as he bent down to check her temperature and found instead the steady breath flowing in and out of her nostrils, the light perfume of Lavender and vanilla, and the freckles- they seemed to represent all of the stars in the great wide sky. If she had been almost any other woman, he would kissed her, ardently with finesse he reserved for women he actually cared for. He opted to kiss her forehead then left her room, saying hello to Rose and goodbye to Ron as he left. Hermione Granger had given him a chance at a second life, but he felt truly that she would be the death of him._

 ** _Next chapter: Christmas, SS returns, Lucius leaves Azkaban._**


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: Lucius returns, Draco and his relationship with Astoria and children, Christmas and some surprises. Warnings- abuse, miscarriage, mothering, episodes of PTSD.**

Chapter 8: Christmas is All Around

( _First Christmas after the Final Battle)_

 _Hermione's eyes swept over the infirmary, Professor Snape had been asleep for far longer than usual and she couldn't tell if he was slipping into one of his long sleeps; she couldn't call it a coma but there didn't seem to be a better term, so she just watched him and hoped she could help if he seemed distraught. It had been months since she'd mastered changing his bandages and administering potions without him complaining, but he hadn't had to stay in the infirmary for so long for a great while. His quarters had become second nature to her, as predictable as her own and she was truly thankful that he allowed her sanctuary there when it was too much. Although classes had resumed, she was one of ten in a special situation, finishing the seventh year even though she felt much older than everyone. And though she felt safe at Hogwarts, most nights she dreamt of the previous year, the fears of being caught, the torture, that pain of losing so many. When she cared for Professor Snape, it all seemed worth the pain._

 _He stirred and opened his eyes, so she reached for him through his mind since his words were still limited, she knew he was in pain immediately but as she stood to grab pain potions, he grabbed her wrist and held so tightly she thought it might snap. When she entered his mind again, he was begging, begging for relief, for death and it made her ooze guilt, it made her force images of a life fully lived; like a tug of war, they battled in their minds, he showed her the depravity of his life, the people he'd tortured as a very young man, killing Dumbledore, but he'd accidentally slipped in his refusal to leave the Carrows alone with students, his protection of Harry, his first thought when he'd seen her above him, shoving a bezoar down his throat and stopping the bleeding. She showed him how much he'd given her, the safety she'd felt in his presence since 3rd year, how much she commiserated with him about the way the Marauders treated him, and finally she asked if he wanted to go to his rooms. Hermione almost broke when she noticed a tear roll down his cheek; he deserved so much more than she could give. He finally released her wrist and she grabbed the pain potion, pouring it delicately down his throat._

 _She knew the pain potion would hit him hard before they got to his rooms, so she cast a spell to make him light as a feather and carried him, safely depositing him in his own bed, then ordering soup for him from the kitchen. He'd wake in an hour, so she wanted to be ready. After pain potions he was always particularly grouchy, so she wanted him fed. While he slept, she read her potions work aloud to him and then her defense texts, wondering when he'd feel up to brewing with her again. His pain was cyclical but unpredictable; she'd tried to use arithmancy trying to predict when another great spasm would hit him, but it was unreliable as well. Hours later, when he finally woke, he apologized in his limited words and thanked her; he ate his soup and went to the loo on his own. He didn't know how many times Hermione had helped him or even bathed him and it became her life's mission to make sure he never did._

 _"Care to play?" Hermione pointed to muggle Scrabble but he seemed too drained._

 _"No." He pointed to the chessboard instead and she grimaced. He was far better than her, but she knew he'd be asleep before the game was over so she agreed, and with every movie she saw his eyes droop, his mind slow and then he was out. Moving him in his groggy state to his bed was never fun, he was tall and surprisingly strong for someone so thin. As she transfigured his clothes into something warmer, she heard a bell chime and realized it was Christmas Day._

 _"Happy Christmas, Severus." She kissed his forehead and though she knew it was a bad idea, she lay next to him, moving his hair from his face as she did. He looked peaceful. Sleeping next to him ended in one of two ways normally; either she was immediately thrown out or felt one hand on hers, in her hair, or on her side. It seemed in those times that Professor Snape sought the same comfort she did, even if she knew it was most likely inappropriate. Lost in thought, she closed her eyes and began to drift off when one of his arms pulled her closely, he kissed the top of her head and sighed._

 _"Happy Christmas, Hermione." He whispered, new words including her given name. It made her smile, it made her hope she wasn't pushing him too hard and that her friendship meant as much to him as his did to hers. She burrowed into his side a bit more, wetting his nightshirt with her tears of gratitude, and wishing desperately that she never had to leave him._

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

When the kids came home from Hogwarts, there was music and joy in Grimmauld Place. Although she hadn't been allowed to help gather them from King's Cross, she was waiting with sweets and the house decorated when they came through the door. Although it hadn't seemed long since Severus had taken her to Hogsmeade for her belated birthday dinner, it felt like months since she'd seen them. Rose was immediately obsessed with Lily and Winnie, who were now over three months old and far more alert than they'd been last time she'd seen them.

"They could easily be twins now that Winnie is plumping up." Rose smiled down at her sister and then at Lily.

"You'll help me feed them? I've been pumping as much as I can." Rose immediately nodded and took the bottle from Hermione's hand, and the sight of Rose helping take care of her sister made her weepy.

"So what is your favorite class?" Hermione asked, trying to keep herself from losing it moments within the children arriving.

"I rather like transfiguration but herbology is probably my favorite. Professor Longbottom has really been fun and he tells me and Jamie loads of stories. I help him on weekends in the greenhouses, well when we're not practicing quidditch." It felt like home again just listening to her talk, Hermione couldn't imagine a more perfect evening or time spent with Rose.

Later, they all gathered at the table for dinner, James and Albus still catching up and chattering away as Charlie and Rose talked quidditch. Hermione just watched, observing as they all reacquainted themselves with each other again. Halfway through dinner, she heard the front door open and the heavy sound of boots as Severus and Seamus came through. Before she could say welcome, she saw Lucius Malfoy behind them so she walked over and motioned for them to join them for dinner. She'd received no note, no briefing, nothing about the release of Lucius Malfoy, but she hadn't received anything from Severus at all while he'd been gone, as though she were just anyone else in his life. It surprised her that nothing had been said about releasing a convicted man into her home, where the five children also resided; it seemed highly unethical on Kingsley's part. But, she couldn't begrudge Lucius nor place the blame on anyone but herself since she'd freed him.

"They didn't even tell me you were being released." She stepped forward and shook his hand, unsure of the terms of his release and how he'd welcome more than just a handshake after being in Azkaban. Soon, they were in chairs enjoying the dinner Hermione and Albus had prepared for everyone and then Yorkshire pudding, which she knew was James and Rose's favorite pudding and then hot cocoa in the living room where Charlie had started a fire. Hermione busied herself with a room for Lucius on the third floor and freshened Severus' room which hadn't been slept in for a while. She could hardly recall the last time she'd seen him, which was odd after so many years working with him.

"You could've left that for me." She heard him from the doorway but didn't turn to look at him as she tucked the sheets under the corners of the mattress and then grabbed the laundry, shrinking it all into one pillowcase and taking it with her down the stairs. Part of her was quite angry with him for neglecting her for over a month and part of her was so happy to see him she could barely contain her excitement.

Before going back to the living room, she knew Lily and Winnie would need a feeding before they slept for the night, so she grabbed them and her sling; leaving one girl at her breast and one still sleeping on her shoulder, she joined the crowd talking happily of classes and quidditch, Albus happily soaking up each word. Taking a seat in the only free spot, she found herself directly across from Severus and Lucius, who both appeared to be exhausted but pleased, as though for them it was as close to a normal Christmas as they'd get. Lucius suddenly came over to her and crouched down, looking at Winnie's face as it rested on Hermione's shoulder.

"This must be Winnie." He tentatively reached to touch her back softly, the way he had with Draco, Scorpius, and Hyperion. "Scorpius and Hyperion loved to rest on my chest when they were l this size; they grow far too quickly."

"It's amazing how much they've changed in three almost four months, some mornings I hardly know them." Hermione adjusted the sling, making sure the charm for modesty was still in place; it was one thing to have family see but quite another Lucius Malfoy, no matter how much he'd changed since the war ended. "Would you like to hold her? Draco told me you actually love babies. I would never have pegged you for that." He happily but gently lifted her from Hermione's chest, cradling her against his as though she was precious cargo.

"Oh but it's been so long since I've held a little one. How I begged Narcissa for years for another but it just wouldn't do, she was obsessed with Draco's perfection." He quickly transfigured the foot rest into a chair and sat next to her. It was hard for her to imagine Lucius as a doting father or Narcissa a loving mother, for that matter, but then she rationalized that he loved his wife and child like any man, regardless of being a Death Eater. Though she believed he'd been on the wrong side, he had been doing whatever it took to protect his family and she couldn't deny him that, even if she'd almost died in the Department of Mysteries because of his 'friends' at the time.

"We tried many years for more, but lost two. Sometimes we get surprised, though and she was definitely a surprise." The smile on his face made Hermione thankful she'd worked so hard to get him released and exonerated all those years ago. If he could sit in such close proximity and snuggle a tiny human, he had certainly changed. She wondered how much being in prison again had affected his psyche and knew he was longing for human interaction. It reminded her of his exoneration years before; whenever she'd visited him to discuss the case, he'd always sat close to her, touched her arm as he spoke, did anything to prove he was still human. It was never sexual, Hermione knew he didn't fancy her in any way, but he certainly started to treat her like a niece or even daughter, his concern over her post-traumatic stress came before anyone else even noticed accept Severus. She watched him holding Winnie, as though she was the most fragile China, and then he met Hermione's eyes, a look of compassion that could not be fabricated.

"I haven't thanked you for your dedication to my cause. Severus said he'll give you all the specifics, but suffice it to say I am released into your custody, I cannot leave this house for any reason except court, and I intend to do my part. I'm adept with cooking charms and can help with tutoring, anything you require Madame, I am at your disposal." Hermione nodded, her eyes flashed to Severus' which were occupied on the fire. She was glad, at least, that there would be another adult in the house full time until things were more settled and the case hopefully solved.

"You are welcome, of course. We'll find a way to keep you entertained; our library is humble compared to Malfoy Manor, but there are some interesting tomes. Alby would love to learn more about Runes, Draco said that was your area of expertise and we can always use help with the food. Can you excuse me for a moment." Hermione stood quickly and went to the loo, and taking Lily from the sling and walking her gently while she made interesting noises. Taking her to the nursery, she changed her nappy and put her in the cot, casting the charm before she left.

"She just woke up." Lucius said as Hermione sat back down, taking her sweet redhead from him, placing her to nurse and then closing her eyes for a moment. Although she'd already thanked him many times, Hermione was eternally grateful for the sling Severus had made her; it made nursing so much easier and she didn't have to hide away from her family like she'd felt she had to with Rose.

"You'll have to see Lily tomorrow, she's always first to sleep and sleeps the longest. Though I've only seen a few pictures, I think she looks just like Lily Evans Potter."

"We were a few years apart in school, but I'll make my assessment. Is her hair so red?" He asked.

"No, it's more strawberry right now, a bit of blonde. I think Winnie's will be darker, but we'll see, they're still so small. "Opening her eyes, she caught Severus' glare for a moment before he looked away, making her feel as though she'd done something wrong.

"Draco and Scorpius are supposed to visit tomorrow." Hermione patted his hand and thought about how long it had been since he'd seen his own grandson. Something she didn't recognize flashed across his face. She was sure he was thinking of Astoria and Hyperion, how little hope there seemed that she would pull through, and how tiny for his age Hyperion would survive to reach eleven and go to Hogwarts.

"I'm not trying to pry, but do you and Narcissa ever speak?" Hermione asked, staring at him and watching his face fall.

"No, not unless it's a quick letter about holidays. I haven't seen her in ages, not that I don't deserve every inch of her ire." Placing her hand on his again, Hermione squeezed it gently.

"Why have you never remarried? I'm sorry, I'm being too personal-"

"No, it's a fair question. How do you replace perfection?" For a moment, Hermione saw herself in him, the loss of a spouse and that niggling feeling that they were irreplaceable yet still imperfect. Silence descended between them as Hermione thought on his words and felt Winnie slowly falling asleep, her tiny hands moving and then stopping to rest on her chest. She'd completely blocked out the rest of the conversation around the room, lost in thought so deeply she almost cried realizing how lonely she felt. Without excusing herself, Hermione went to the nursery and changed Winnie, put her in the cot with Lily and sent the sling to be cleaned with the rest of the laundry. She stood over them, watched them as their tiny breaths remained the only sound in the room. When she was unsure how much time had passed, she heard the kids bounding up the stairs then Charlie following, taking Lucius with him. Kissing both girls, she went to the kitchen to make sure the dinner mess was taken care of and then to make sure there were enough eggs and beans for breakfast. Going to the laundry, she pulled her jumper and bra off and started the laundry washing. Standing with only her camisole and pants, she felt the chill of the air hit her, but the feeling pervaded the loneliness she'd felt most of the day.

"You'll catch your death in here." She heard from behind her, the familiar dulcet baritone voice she hadn't realized she missed so much in the time he'd been gone. When she turned, she found him in his pajamas; it was the first time since Hogwarts she'd seen him so unbuttoned.

"It's a nice kind of chill." She noticed his eyes flicker across her body. "You didn't write me." She finally said, knowing it made her look weak and possibly obsessive. But she knew he could feel her emotions, so whether the words were spoken or not, he'd know she was distraught. "And you never said you'd been visiting Lucius." Walking passed him, Hermione went to the tea kettle and made her caffeine free Oolong tea, waiting patiently for the tea to steep.

"I didn't expect to be gone for such a period. Trust me, I felt your annoyance and perhaps anger?" Hermione didn't look at him, only at her teacup and wondered if she was being silly. She knew he wasn't admitting to all of her emotions, but she was just fine not having to justify her melancholy.

"Well I guess it's a relief that nothing was so bad you weren't compelled to be here." She sipped the hot tea, meeting his eyes over the rim of her cup, goose bumps appearing all over her skin as the warmth hit her.

"I wouldn't say that, I simply couldn't leave." His voice flowed over her, she heard so many things in his tone that she couldn't separate them.

"I'm sorry I didn't realize how much I depended on you. So thank you for that, for helping so often. It's a bit easier now that the girls are older and I have something to occupy my mind." She watched as his face fell, he looked almost angry for a moment.

"What?" She asked as his eyes squinted and he grimaced.

"I can feel more than your appreciation, you know, a full spectrum of emotions in fact and it's difficult to tell which are directed towards me and which are simply about the situation in which we find ourselves." It wasn't clear what he meant and she was frightened for a moment. She felt too exposed.

"It doesn't make it less valid." She quipped, sipping her tea and realizing for the first time since leaving the laundry that she wasn't wearing a bra.

"You know I must do as Kingsley bids, my life is barely my own, especially now that you've put Lucius in this house." Hermione almost dropped her cup at the malice in his words. Before he'd left, he'd said wonderful things about her, the compulsion, how this hadn't been a bad situation for him and now it felt like he was completely changed, as though it had become a real prison sentence.

"Are you implying I should've let him rot in Azkaban?" Folding her arms across her chest, she hadn't expected their first conversation in over a month to be so contentious.

"No, of course not but it does complicate things." His tone was free of malice, but Hermione could easily tell he was unhappy with the situation.

"I'm already a target. The LeStranges can't access this house and Lucius cannot leave. I'm not planning to leave without an escort, so how have I made things more difficult for you?" She felt her indignation rising, like the temperature of her tea she felt her blood boiling at the implication that she'd do anything to make his life harder.

"I've done all I can to make this prison sentence disappear for you, Severus. I try to temper my emotions, I try to think through things before acting, I've…" She felt her words falling on deaf ears so she stopped, taking her cup in hand she left and went to her room. Tears threatened as she looked around the room, a picture of she and Ron, and Harry and Ginny at their marriage ceremony caught her eye. She took several deep breaths and tried to remember he'd probably been in a dangerous situation for his unexpected absence. She finished her tea in one big gulp and went to her desk, taking the knitting she'd been working on for months and tried to erase every ounce of anger or annoyance from her mind. She fell so deeply into her library in her mind, she didn't hear him come in, and only recognized that he was in the room when he wiped away a tear that she hadn't even known was falling from her eyes. Placing her knitting aside, she swiveled in her chair and faced him.

"It was a different kind of torture being so far from here, from you. I believe Kingsley is connected to whatever the LeStranges are trying to do, whether he is imperiused or under some other spell, he didn't want anyone but Lucius going down for this crime. You're too brilliant for your own good and now he's chomping at the bit to find the LeStranges, but unwilling to admit their involvement. He knows Lucius is innocent, but his release opened up questioning he wasn't prepared to address. Look, Granger, your actions were noble, and I've felt every ounce of your fear, anger, and guilt, but you…" He stopped himself as he watched more tears fall down her lovely cheeks. Being away had only made his affection for her worse; he hated to see and feel her in such pain.

"Never mind, I don't need explanation. You can go now, I'll just get back to Christmas presents." Hermione turned again as her shoulders shook. Her first Christmas without Ron since she was twelve, aside from the year they'd been hunting horcruxes and after the war, that first Christmas, and she felt the weight of everything pressing on her so severely she could barely breath. Yet, with Severus merely feet from her, she felt for the first time in over a month that she was safe and without really thinking it through, she jumped from her chair and hugged him tightly. His arms remained at his sides, his body stiffened by her sudden intrusion in his personal space. But as she sobbed against him, he could feel her relief.

"I was so scared." She whispered, holding him tighter and trying not to think about the series of nightmares she'd had about the war, the accident, but most especially his near-death in the Shrieking Shack. It scared her how much she had missed him.

"You Gryffindors." His voice rumbled against her. "You say you were scared when you went to Azkaban prison and freed Lucius Malfoy with tenacity only you possess." She thought she heard the tiniest bit of a compliment, but felt far sillier for still holding him when he hadn't moved to comfort her at all.

"Seamus and Charlie, and sometimes George or Bill make me feel secure, they just don't make me feel as safe as you do, and no one was here most of the nights and I took fro granted how little I had to worry when you were here." She pulled back and found him staring into the room, and suddenly she felt extremely uncomfortable. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..." she immediately pulled away and felt her arms wrap around her body as she sank into the floor. Her breathing felt labored, her skin moist and her mind racing, she felt foolish and the more the thought of it, of her standing there holding him while he was obviously so uncomfortable made her bury her head under her folded arms, knees pulled to her chest. It seemed so odd and devastating that she'd received more affection from Lucius than Severus. She just couldn't seem to get her pulse to slow, her breathing to feel less labored, so she tried to listen to him breathe, even if it seemed impossible.

"Hermione, stop, please." She felt the air change but before she could lift her head to see that he'd gone, she heard a chime from the nursery. Wiping her eyes, she stood slowly and saw that he hadn't left, he'd simply sat on her lounger near her desk. Going into the nursery, she found that Lily had rolled over in her sleep and was lying in Winnie's arm.

"Maybe we're ready for a bigger cot, huh loves." Hermione used her wand to widen and deepen the cot, recast the charm after taking Winnie into her arms.

"Now you know Lily didn't mean to wake you, calm down little one, Mummy made more room." Hermione rested her gently on her chest, rubbing her back and humming lightly until she fell asleep once more. When she returned her to the cot, she covered both girls with a light flannel and recast the charm once more. When she went back into her bedroom, Hermione found Severus asleep in her chair, so she covered him with a blanket and cast a cushioning charm on his neck. Returning to her knitting, she stayed awake an hour longer, tucked herself into bed and watched Severus sleep, wondering why he made her feel so calm and safe when they bickered so often or at least they had when they worked cases.

Before she realized it, she was asleep and in the morning, when she woke realizing the girls had slept through the night, she found him gone and her blanket neatly folded. She pulled on her warmest house robe and went to the kitchen to start breakfast, full English and when the crowd started to filter down, some of her loneliness abated. It felt good to have a table full of people, even more to see Lucius and his grandson chatting so happily. Draco looked sour, as though he hadn't expected his father, but talked with Severus all the same. She brought all the food to the table and sat for only a moment, eating her blood pudding before she knew the girls were awake and she was off to gather them. Taking the sling from the laundry, she changed both girls then tucked Lily immediately in the sling, sitting at the rocker while Winnie was pacified with a charmed carousel turning and playing a tune. When Lily was sated, she switched out the girls and hummed lightly as she stared into Winnie's eyes, seeing fleck of green, blue, and brown in them, she wondered still whose eyes she'd have. Without knocking, Severus came in with water and her breakfast.

"I see you've been neglecting your food, Ms. Granger. Perhaps I do need to cast a spell to make you eat after all." Hermione rolled her eyes but took the plate and ate slowly as Severus examined Lily in her bouncer.

"I've only lost my baby weight, I'll have you know, not a pound more." The look he cut her showed his obvious displeasure.

"They've changed." He finally said, taking Lily's little hand in his.

"Yes, they have." Hermione finished her breakfast and found Winnie ready for her burping then bouncing. "They stay awake a little bit more now." Pulling her robe tightly around her waist again, Hermione sat on the floor in front of the bouncers and gently rocked both girls, humming a tune she remembered her mother humming and suddenly missing her parents a great deal.

"Thank you, Severus." Hermione said between notes, then went back to gently rocking the sweet girls.

"For what?" He asked, standing still, far taller than she anticipated.

"For everything, but mostly letting me hug you when I know how much you abhor human contact, well except the girls." Smiling sweetly at him he simply bowed and grabbed her plate, leaving her to the girls and their morning routine. When he entered the kitchen, he saw Kreacher doing the washing.

"Does Hermione seem off?" He heard Charlie ask as he poured a cup of tea.

"No more than usual." Both men looked to the children who were riding their brooms in the back garden, watched not only by them but two blonde-haired men awkwardly talking.

"It's just, we were both gone most of November and this month, Seamus said something about her…" But he stopped as he heard Rose open the back door and run through, stomping her boots on the rug before running to the loo. Charlie did not finish his sentence or try to bring that topic back up, but he could see that Severus was also somewhat concerned about their wild-haired companion. They continued to watch the boys fly and felt the whoosh of Rose running back out to them, taking her broom and flying like she was born to do so.

"You were saying?" Severus turned to Charlie, but found that he was preoccupied with the children.

"What? Oh yeah, Hermione, Seamus said she seemed to need someone to speak with, that perhaps a therapist or healer would help her...that she's been crying more often than not." Severus merely nodded, he had felt her pain and anguish while he'd been gone, but it hadn't felt particularly worse than before, so he hadn't noted it for Kingsley.

"Perhaps it is this season? Being without the people she normally celebrates with for Christmas and then of course, the hormones from the girls. Maybe she…" But Charlie stopped again as Hermione entered the kitchen, refilling her water and eyeing the two men as they stood.

"A healer had already been dispatched, so you can stop speculating on my sanity." She quipped, leaving the room as quickly as she'd entered it.

"Hermione, wait." Charlie immediately followed her but felt Severus tug at his jumper. "Let her go, she's working on Christmas presents and is quite annoyed." He told the younger man, releasing his jumper and moving to the door again, watching her slam her bedroom door.

In her room, Hermione knew that she should feel thankful that the men cared enough to consider her mental health, but she hated the vulnerability it made her feel, that each of her moves were being watched by someone in the family or Severus and Seamus. It was one thing to be cooped up in the house the majority of the time, but quite another to feel as though she was falling into some mental trap, as though she was watching herself go through life through a veil. And it was becoming increasingly more obvious that she was latching on to the males in her life in absence of Ron. It was also clear that she'd relied on Severus and Charlie too heavily and for too long; she felt lost in a way she'd never anticipated.

"Hermione, Albus asked for your Runes text...what has you so troubled?" She heard from the door of the nursery, when she turned she saw Lucius at the door, handing her a handkerchief as he entered. It surprised her that it was Lucius and not Severus, perhaps Severus was tired of dealing with her constantly shifting moods.

"They think I'm losing it and perhaps I am." Looking over to the girls, she saw they were both still completely out.

"You've had a major loss, one no one with a heart should have to bear." He looked over to the girls and then back at her; her shoulders slumped but she stopped crying, folding her legs under her body.

"I don't know if I'll ever get over it. Some days I forget, I wake up and forget where I am and think that Ron will walk in and remind me I have a brief or that Rose has left her trainers on the stairs. But, I remember he's gone and the worst is, I feel so guilty, all the time."

"Why do you feel guilty, if you don't mind me inquiring." Lucius had been exceedingly kind to her during and after his trial, she had assumed at the time it was out of desperation, but truly the war had changed him. Hermione wiped her eyes again and tried to breathe.

"It's foolish, really. I spent all these years with Ron, we were friends and then married, I love him more than I can describe but I feel so incredibly guilty because I…" But she couldn't say it aloud and was thankful she kept it to herself as Severus came to the door.

"Hermione?" Her eyes snapped to his and she thanked Lucius for the handkerchief and went into her room to grab her books and brought them to him, closing the door softly behind her when she returned and reminding herself how easy it was to fall under Lucius Malfoy's spell. Even if his intentions were noble, she knew how much he enjoyed collecting information. Tidbits of gossip or odd stories about people fueled his proclivities and she'd almost admitted aloud something she couldn't take back once said. It left her with an empty feeling, the same she'd felt the night before when Severus refused to hug her back. Turning her mind back to the knitting, she continued her Christmas presents and tried only to think of the case, to making headway on finding the LeStranges and not to the huge gaping hole she felt whenever she thought of Ron, Harry and Ginny, or Molly and Arthur. Over the years, she and Arthur had become quite close spending lunches together frequently with Severus or other Weasleys when they were at the Ministry. Although she adored Molly, she'd always felt closer to Arthur.

 **SSHGSSHG**

( _Hermione goes back to work after having Rose)_

 _Arthur made his way through the hallways and meetings rooms until he found Hermione sitting outside Kingsley Shacklebolt's office and though he'd known her since she was twelve years old, she'd never looked so young and innocent, interviewing for her promotion with the Ministry of Magic. He wasn't surprised in the least that she'd gone back to Hogwarts to finish her NEWTs and then to Oxford on an accelerated path, graduating far faster than anyone expected and marrying Ron the day after graduation. Although Arthur loved all of his children equally, his daughters-in-law all brought something different to the family and if he were hard pressed to admit it, Hermione was his favorite by far. She was kind, giving, and like his wife, willing to fight for what she loved. When their Rose was born, he was sure she was an angel sent to help mend the sadness their family had experienced. Like his own children, his grandchildren were just as precious but Rose and then James certainly had him wrapped around their little fingers._

 _"I've come to wish you luck and see if you'd like lunch today?" Arthur leaned down and kissed her cheek and noticed how nervous she seemed._

 _"That sounds lovely." He heard the nervousness in her voice and was sure she had no reason to doubt she was a shoe-in for the job. In fact, he knew someday she would be running the whole show, a Minister for Magic they could all be proud of._

 _"What has you so nervous?" He watched as she breathed deeply and then closed her eyes, fidgeting with the hem of her new smart outfit._

 _"Malfoy is in there now and although we focused on separate types of law, he's probably more qualified." Hermione sighed, folding and unfolding the papers in her hands, her transcripts from Oxford and Hogwarts, her NEWTS and OWL scores, and her letters of knew Draco was suave and prepared; his entire life was preparing him for answering questions like these, and she knew he was ready and willing to do the job. He'd changed and so had she._

 _"No sense in going into battle already wounded, you know. Think of it like this; you have certain skills and attributes that fit this particular position, and a history of efforts to causes important to this department." Hermione's gave immediately changed, her nerves calmed she heard the door open and Draco Malfoy walk out. Before leaving the sitting room, he walked over to Hermione and Arthur, extending his hand to both of them._

 _"Good luck, Granger. Good day, Mr. Weasley." Arthur watched as the young man, so changed since the war, left in politeness he had never expected from him._

 _"I'll meet you for lunch in the commissary, all right?" Helping her stand, he placed his hands on her shoulders. "You are the most capable candidate in building and Kingsley knows it." She kissed both his cheeks and walked into Kingsley's office, relaxed and confident. When they met for lunch, she told him all about the interview and how she'd be working with Seamus Finnigan._

 _"Will Draco be disappointed?" He asked her, buttering a roll and then another._

 _"He'll be fine, he really wants to focus on ventures and stock nonsense since his degree features more of that world of law. Besides, we buried the hatchet years ago in school and after I successfully defended Lucius. Hopefully he won't blame me that I've gotten the position."_

 _"Bully for him if he does. So, what is your first case to be?" They talked and ate for thirty minutes more before Hermione went down to the auror offices and told Ron and Harry of her promotion. Every time she was able to have lunch with Arthur, she felt lucky; he was always complimentary about her work, about her mothering and roles in the Ministry. It meant something that Arthur acknowledged her mind after all the years since she'd finished school; it was affirmation she needed desperately. She started her new job two weeks later and then suffered her first miscarriage a month after that, forcing her to question whether she should've gone back to work at all._

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

Christmas Eve arrived with spirit no one was quite sure would show after everything they'd been through in three short months. Hermione had invited the other Weasley brothers and they had a huge feast, followed by games and a few stories from Bill, nostalgic but not too sad. When it was time to head to sleep, Hermione accompanied the kids up the stairs and kissed them all goodnight, finishing out the evening with an animated re-telling of the Night Before Christmas, which had always been Rose's favorite. Once they were all tucked in, she brought the presents out and filled their stockings, including one for Severus and Lucius. Charlie came down before midnight and put his own out, but she was asleep before she heard anyone else shuffling through the house. Lily woke her early, but she didn't mind as she wanted to get a breakfast bake in the oven so they'd all have something warm to eat. She nursed Lily as snow fell quietly outside and for a moment, she thought it was a perfect Christmas morning.

"Happy Christmas, Mum!" Rose called out as Hermione brought the girls out in their bouncers to participate in the morning festivities. Each child dug into their stocking and she watched as Charlie did as well, laughing at the tiny figurines of his favorite dragons battled in his hand. Eventually, Severus came from the kitchen with tea and settled in next to her.

"Hold on, Jamie, I want you to save that one for last." Hermione stopped her nephew, knowing he would enjoy the present more if explanation were possible. Taking as many pictures as possible, Hermione captured all three of the older children opening presents from their aunts and uncles, from St. Nicholas and of course from her.

"So this year I thought it would be special to continue a Weasley tradition." Hermione handed all of them a present, holding the two packages for the babies and watched as they opened their sweaters she'd barely finished in time. "Molly would be so glad to have all of you in Weasley sweaters." She laughed as Severus and Lucius both made a face but they still slipped on their sweaters to placate her. Unwrapping the tiny sweaters for the girls, she gingerly put on a "G" and "R" sweater.

"And Severus, I have another present for you but you'll have to come with me." Hermione motioned to the stairs, leaving Rose to watch the girls.

"I know without continuous cases you've felt as confined here as I have and at your home you have everything you need, but while you're stuck here I thought you'd like to have your own space again." She opened the door to a pristine laboratory, new cauldrons and scales, fresh ingredients and all other possible equipment he'd need. "I know you still help brew for Madame Pomfrey, I thought this would help." With her arms out, she pointed to different parts of the lab, then folded them worried she'd misjudged the idea when he hadn't said anything.

"Of course, you don't have to use it, I just thought...well…" She was stammering and she knew he could feel her nervousness, so she walked past him and back to the stairs. "Happy Christmas." She whispered when he still hadn't said anything. By the time she reached the top of the stairs, she pushed the fear that she had overstepped her bounds and convinced herself that if he didn't use the lab, she would.

"This is the first Christmas in ages I have had such a delicious breakfast. Thank you." Hermione heard as Lucius and Charlie ushered the kids into the dining room; she'd missed James and Albus opening their broom kits and the special gifts, James received Harry's old quidditch robes and captain badge and Albus his mother's. To Rose, she'd given Ron's deluminator, the one Dumbledore had left, to remind her their was always light in the world. The babies were fast asleep when she brought them into the dining room, charming their bouncers to rock, so she ate and shared crackers with her quirky family, feeling for a moment that everything was normal.

"I have to get a picture of everyone in their sweaters." She stood and took a few pictures, capturing the boys and their Uncle Charlie looking so mischievously like Weasleys and Lucius and Severus, who has finally joined them, looking austere as though it was the first Christmas they'd ever celebrated.

"Fine, you can take off the sweaters." She laughed noting neither man moved though they did seem uncomfortable.

"Can we play in the snow after breakfast?" Albus asked, desperate to spend time with his brother and cousin before they returned to Hogwarts.

"Of course but I want you to take your presents to your room first. And later, write thank you notes to your aunts and uncles." All three agreed immediately, stuffing their faces with more breakfast bake and then bounding into the living room and up the stairs. Charlie offered to clean up and for the first time in a while, Hermione felt like a nap, so she charmed the bouncers and went to the nursery, both girls finally woke so they were fed and changed, happily playing on a soft flannel for tummy time. In their innocent faces, she could see the hope Severus had once said he saw. When they tired out again, she put them to rest on the cot but next to her in bed, all charms in place she closed her eyes and let sweet sleep envelope her as though she hadn't slept in months and when she woke, she received her present from Severus, something she hadn't expected at all.

Martin and Jane Granger arrived with aurors before Hermione awoke and waited patiently to meet their new granddaughter and see Hermione for the first time since the previous Easter. After spending most of the afternoon with Rose, James, and Albus, they were more than ready to see Hermione, Winnie, and Lily, though they weren't quite prepared to see their own daughter so changed. When Hermione emerged from her bedroom with Lily in the sling and Winnie resting against her shoulder, Jane practically gasped.

"Mum? Dad?" Hermione stopped dead in place, almost falling to her knees- how she'd longed to see them and know the comfort only they provided. "How?"

"Master Snape collected us a few hours ago but we couldn't bear to wake you. Is this our gorgeous Winnie?" Jane stepped forward and took the baby from Hermione, who was speechless.

"We can only stay for a short while, unfortunately." Martin Granger pulled Hermione into his arms as she dissolved into tears. "Come, darling, don't cry." With his thumbs he gently dried her cheeks and then took his new granddaughter into his arms.

"She may have her father's hair color, but she looks just as you did." He remarked, only making Hermione's tears fall harder. Turning from them for a moment, she wiped them away and took Lily from the sling and burped her, taking the sling off and fixing her robes.

"And this must be the beautiful Lily her brothers cannot stop talking about." Hermione watched as her mum held Lily, and wondered if they'd accept the Potter children as their grandchildren now that they'd lost their only living grandparents.

"We brought sweets and presents. Here, Jamie, this is for you, and Alby, and Rose."

"You've brought them sweets?" Hermione laughed; they'd never let her have sweets when she was their age.

"It's the ones from that one store, in Hogs whatever, the floss ones." Continuing to giggle, Hermione delighted in seeing her parents take the the girls, to just have them within arm's length was nothing short of miraculous. Yet, the more she thought about it, the more she wondered why Lucius was allowed to stay at Grimmauld Place when there was an obvious threat but not her parents. The confusion must've displayed on her face because she heard Severus clear his throat and it made her focus on the gift of her parents instead of the multitude of questions she had for him.

"You've lost so much weight, dear."Jane remarked, leaning towards her, Winnie cradled sweetly in her arms.

"Just what I gained with Winnie and I burn so much because they're exclusively fed by me right now, they'll be eating cereal and such soon so I'm sure I'll plump back up a bit." Hermione explained, taking Lily from her father and kissing her softly, cradling her against her chest but facing outward so she could look around the room.

"Everyone ready for dinner?" Charlie asked, popping into the room so quickly Hermione almost saw Ron for a moment and it made her breath catch, her eyes go wide but her mother's gentle hand brought her instantly back to reality. Taking Lily with her to the nursery, Hermione got the bouncers and brought them into the dining room where everyone was seated and waiting for her.

"Mum, you can put Winnie in the bouncer if you'd like." Jane Granger smiled at her daughter, but cradled WInnie tighter in her arms.

"It's been far too long since I've held a baby, so I'll hold her a while longer." Before Hermione could put Lily in the bouncer, her father reached for her and for a moment, she felt it; they were accepting Harry and Ginny's children as their grandchildren as well...Lily would not be neglected for Winnie.

"When do you have to leave?" Hermione asked, taking a bite of the roast Charlie had obviously been cooking most of the day because it was incredibly tender.

"In the morning. The aurors and Master Snape will take us back to the safe house." Hermione's face fell, she had hoped it would be longer. As she looked into her mother's eyes, the same as her own, she saw happiness.

"Well, we'll make the most of the time we have." Hermione hoped her mother didn't hear the disappointment in her voice, but she was sure she did. Looking around the table, Hermione tried to find a reason to smile for all of the people gathered together, her children, her family, her friends. She caught Severus' eye and saw the worry in him as well, for the first time in ages his face mirrored hers and wasn't a blank mask.

After dinner, the children played in the snow again for a while and then they all played games in the living room, first charades and then multiple games of chess and scrabble. Hermione watched them in wonder, all trying to get through the first major holiday without their family members. She fed the girls and then let her parents tire them out, and then, out of nowhere she heard the sweetest sound; Winnie and Lily both giggling at her father; she loved seeing him be so silly with her girls. It seemed everyone in the room was surprised by the sound and stopped their own conversations or games to stare at the two girls.

"What a lovely sound to have tiny laughter in this house." Charlie walked over to the girls then to Hermione, putting his arm around her shoulders and squeezing her a bit. "Happy Christmas." His whispered words as he leaned into her, his head dipping behind her as he spoke and involuntarily, a chill ran down her spine. If she hadn't known of Charlie's preference for men, she would've thought he was flirting with her, the way his hand rested on her shoulder, his thumb almost caressing her collarbone and just when she thought he would move or let go, he stayed right where he was. She convinced herself immediately it was her hormones, tricking her brain into imagining that he was doing anything more than being her brother-in-law, comforting her and seeking comfort for his own loss.

"Hermione, Draco sent a letter earlier that he and Scorpius will be here tomorrow for Boxing Day festivities, I hope I wasn't too forward in inviting them." Her eyes snapped to his as though he brought her from a deep fog, as though her brain had gone somewhere and she couldn't even remember the journey.

"Of course not, Alby and James love having Scorpius here. I needed to speak with Draco anyway." She smiled softly towards him, hoping that the time he spent with Draco would help them fix the relationship that had been so strained. Even with all the horrendous things Lucius had done in the name of pureblood status and even the hesitation to protect his own family during the war, Hermione had believed for the majority of her life that people were redeemable and that, if possible, fences should be mended. She didn't want Draco to regret not giving his father a chance when it was so obvious to her that he'd changed dramatically from the person he'd once been. She thought of him, sitting with her muggle parents and watching them play with children who were at best half-bloods and she knew, this man had changed. She thought of losing Astoria and how much Draco would need his family when that happened.

"Come kids say goodnight to Grandma and Grandpa and head to bed." Hermione watched as the kids cleaned up the games and kissed Jane and Martin Granger's cheeks and then the girls, shouting goodnight to Charlie, Lucius, and Severus as they bounded up the stairs. Though she was cozy and comfortable in Charlie's arms, Hermione squeezed his leg and followed the children, taking the steps slowly.

"Aunt Hermione?" Hermione saw James on the second floor, waiting for her.

"Yes, sweetheart?" She could see now why he'd stopped, his hazel eyes were swimming with tears and he looked embarrassed.

"I just wanted another hug." Although he was almost her height, when James leaned into her in such a way it felt like she was hugging him when he was quite small.

"I have plenty of those." Rubbing his back in circles, as she often did for the girls, she felt his crying still and finally, he pulled away, wiping his eyes quickly and walking with her up the rest of the stairs and then joining his brother and cousin.

"You've decided to all camp in here?" Hermione laughed seeing the sleeping bags around James' bed.

"Why not, sometimes Rose and I sleep in the common room." That made Hermione suddenly quite sad. It hadn't been clear to her through their letters or the first interactions when they came home how much they were hurting.

"And your other cousins?" She asked tentatively.

"Well, they do, too. Sometimes Teddy even sneaks in. It's just, with Granny and Poppy, we all feel sad and lonely. Sometimes Professor Longbottom stays and tells us stories, like I wrote about and that's nice. It'll get easier, we know, but at first, we just needed each other." Rose explained, plaiting her hair and folding her sleeping bag back.

"You know I will come to Hogwarts, if you need me, right?"

"Of course." They said in unison, but Hermione felt uneasy. Kissing them each on the cheek and hugging them, she went to the door.

"Did you have a good Christmas, despite...everything?" All three nodded and smiled; 'if nothing else, they did have each other', she thought, 'and that was better than Harry ever had'.

Descending the stairs, Hermione found her father on the second floor talking with Charlie and Severus about their departure in the morning, she gave him a hug and went to her mother who was in the nursery with both girls who were already asleep.

"I thought it would be nice to talk." Jane looked at her daughter, the same scrutiny Hermione had just used with her own.

"Let's." Hermione took her arm and brought her into her bedroom, folding the covers back and lying next to her, as they used to do whenever she came home from Hogwarts, their first evenings spent whispering about everything she was experiencing.

"How are you, darling, really?" Hermione looked across the room to the nursery door and thought of her girls, how happy she was that her mother was but inches away from her.

"Some days are better than others...the girls keep me busy and worrying about the case. Now that Lucius is free, I feel a little less trapped here, but…" She wasn't sure if she should tell her mother about Severus, everything she'd found out since the accident. "Mum, Severus…"

"He told me, when he came to bring us here." Hermione's eyebrows shot up.

"Told you what?"

"That he is under some prison sentence and he has a sort of pulse on your emotions. He said something about being away and since he's been back, he's been really worried; he practically begged your Minister to let us come and even then, we were supposed to leave after dinner." Hermione sighed, she hadn't known exactly what to expect. Severus and her parents had been around each other many times over the years, but she wasn't sure exactly Severus would tell her mother.

"He was gone and even though I know he was sent away, it sort of felt to me like he wanted to go, like being here with me was sucking the life out of him. I know he feels as trapped as I do, but I also know that I don't feel safe when he's gone, almost as though I have a read on his pulse as well, but only when he's far away. I don't like it." Jane reached across to her daughter and smoothed some errant curls around her face.

"He doesn't mind protecting you, I can tell, darling. Have patience; your heart is hurting and imagine how that feels to a man who, at least in my experience, shows very little emotion."

"I know, but it's been almost four months, I don't know if I will ever stop feeling like this. I've petitioned the court to have his sentence ended; I don't want to be a jailer." Hermione was proud of herself for not crying but hated the idea that her mother would be gone in the morning when she needed her more than ever.

"I'm so glad you're here, Mum." She closed her eyes and turned, feeling her mother's fingers on her back, then in her hair a bit and then she was asleep.

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

 _(Hermione's first visit with her parents after fixing their memories)_

 _She watched them slowly come to the realization that they did indeed have a daughter and that she'd taken their memories to save them from the Death Eaters. They seemed drunk or in a fog; the books had all said it would take days for their minds to completely reorient themselves, but she worried she'd left it too long and that they would be disappointed in her._

 _"Hermione?" Martin Granger reached for his daughter, whom he barely recognized with her hair thrown in a lazy pony tail and clothes raged._

 _"Mum, Dad, I'm so sorry I had to bring you here...I just wanted to save you." Martin's face fell, he didn't quite know what she was referring to but he trusted her, he knew that and he wanted nothing more than to hold her tightly, as he had when she was small and looking so distraught. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight as she cried, remembering for a moment there had been a war, that Hermione had warned them that things were unsafe in Britain._

 _"Oh darling, we're so glad you're safe." Jane joined them, holding her husband and daughter tighter, remembering the day Hermione was born, how her large eyes had instantly made her fall in love and how they'd waited so long to have her._

 _"You aren't mad?" Hermione asked, fear filling her that her parents would be angry with her for sending them to Australia and modifying their memories, but she'd been wrong._

 _"Of course not, you saved us and you're fine...you are fine, aren't you?" Jane watched as Hermione nodded but she could see her girl was not fine, but let it go, knowing perhaps Hermione didn't want to discuss specifics with her just then._

 _Two weeks later, when their memories were completely restored, Jane finally asked Hermione what had happened and as though a great deluge had snapped, Hermione told her everything. About the year hunting horcruxes, everything they'd experienced and lost, and how she'd saved Professor Snape, how she'd come to care for him and how she'd finished school, was going to Oxford in the fall and moving into Grimmauld Place with her friends._

 _"Will you be safe?" Jane asked, worried about her daughter._

 _"Yes, Grimmauld is safe, the safest aside from Hogwarts. Plus, Harry and Ron will be there and we're pretty good at protecting each other now." She attempted a joke and failed._

 _"Ron?"_

 _"Yes, Mum, Ron...we kissed in the Chamber of Secrets but I don't know where we stand now, since I returned to Hogwarts and he went into training, we haven't seen other much since then." Jane nodded, brushing Hermione's hair several times in small sections._

 _"Well, you'll be careful, won't you?" Jane smiled, pretending to jibe her daughter who'd understood more about birth control and anatomy since she was tiny._

 _"Mum, I doubt I can even have children, so no worries." Silence filled the room and Jane prayed that if she wanted children someday, that Hermione would be blessed with a daughter or son who care for and loved her as much as Hermione did them._

 _"You don't know that for sure, poppet. Your body will heal and if not, there's always adoption."_

 _"I know, Mum, but I guess I worry no one will want me." Jane watched as her daughter completely fell apart; she'd seen her upset for sure, but never like this. Suddenly, Hermione became an adult to her, a fully-formed woman with adult emotions and worries._

 _"You are a prize, my love, a true prize." Jane kissed her head and helped wipe her eyes, holding her as tightly as she could before knowing Hermione needed space. She reluctantly closed the door, leaving Hermione to herself and wondered if she should contact her professors or perhaps the Weasleys, but decided Hermione would make her own decision and she'd support her anyway she could._


	9. Chapter 9

**AN:I wanted to get this one out before things get crazy with graduation coming up and also because it bookends the last chapter. The next will have some serious plot movement, but all is still not what it seems and though some of this may seem neatly tied up with a bow, there are still many things to be revealed. Miscommunication and surprise with SS, continued Christmas and some surprises. Warnings- abuse, miscarriage, mothering, episodes of PTSD, and language. Thanks for reading and those of you who have followed, favorite, and reviewed!**

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

When she woke in the middle of the night after hearing the chime on the nursery, she found her mother was gone. She walked into the nursery, the chime had jarred her from sleep and found Lily resting peacefully while Winnie was fussy, her tiny fist rooting around her teeth. She cradled her in her arms and rubbed her gums with her finger, whispering to her and humming softly walking her around and rocking her as she did. But it was clear Winnie wanted to nurse, even just to make her gums hurt less, so she moved her camisole and brought her to her breast, cradling her and moving her robe to cover her tiny body. Taking Winnie and leaving the nursery, she walked into the kitchen to drink a glass of milk and found Severus sitting and sipping tea, completely buttoned up as though he had recently taught a class at Hogwarts. She examined him without saying anything for a while, then brought her cup to the table.

"Did they get back safely?" She asked, assuming her parents were gone. He turned his head and looked towards the door, still not looking at her.

"Yes, Charlie and the aurors decided it was better to go in the middle of the night than in the morning." Hermione noticed that he hadn't looked at her once since she came in. In fact, she noticed that he hadn't talked to her much either. It was as though she didn't exist at all in 12 Grimmauld Place, that he was living as a shadow again, and it had felt like since he'd gone away in October, they had never really found each other again. It plagued her, the feelings that she was remembering from her time at Hogwarts and even though he'd pushed her away, she hoped he didn't hate her.

"Severus?" He still didn't look up. "Have I done something? You've barely talked to me at all since you returned." She took a seat across from him in the breakfast nook and finished her milk, looking down at Winnie and wishing she'd stayed awake with her mother for longer, especially when she didn't know when she'd see her again.

"No." His words were cool, removed from any emotion, and she was sure he would rather do anything than speak to her.

"Why won't you look at me?" Suddenly, Hermione felt a surge of emotion, as though he was projecting his onto her and when he finally looked up, she understood why he hadn't been looking at her.

"I didn't expect you to be awake, Hermione." His whispered words almost frightened her as she looked at him, his face ashen and his expression so sullen it was as though he was processing every emotion he could possibly feel at that exact moment. His eyes swept over her, looking between her face and Winnie, tucked neatly in her arm and quietly nursing, a sound he hadn't realized he missed. He couldn't explain his natural draw to the girls, how they appealed the dark recesses of his heart, but they did and he wanted nothing more than to protect them. It was as though the emotion and compulsion charm on Hermione extended to them, even though it really only should've logically applied to Winnie. He assumed by extension that the feelings extended to Lily either because she was Hermione's by proxy, because they were related by blood, she and Winnie, or because he'd loved the original Lily for so long.

"What has happened?" She rose and moved next to him, reaching across the table and placing her hand on his, hoping she wasn't making the wrong choice in touching him, as she felt she had done before with the hug. She snuggled Winnie a bit tighter, using her arm and leg to stabilize her tiny girl as she nursed.

"It's just been a trying few weeks." Clipped and soft, those words made Hermione feel guilty, as though she should've thought more carefully about how her emotions would be affecting him.

"I'm sorry, I haven't been guarding my thoughts so well and while you were gone...I-" But as she thought to explain herself, his eyes popped to hers.

"No, don't do that, you already have enough to be concerned with, don't worry about me." His words pleaded with her; he looked as though he might cry, which she simply couldn't bear. It reminded her of Hogwarts, of caring for him.

"I cannot help but be concerned about you." Running her thumb into the palm of his hand as it faced down on the table, it was almost as though an invisible tether existed between their fingers, their magic pulsing through the current and making him want to pull away. It was all too much. Being away had given him a tiny break, the feelings she carried crossing distances greater than she could imagine, but he'd felt them all the same and though he tried desperately, his affection for her had not waned. She'd never seen him so vulnerable before, aside from the night in the Shrieking Shack and part of his recovery. But, Hermione didn't want to push it; she didn't want to make him uncomfortable in her home.

"Hermione, I can feel this heavy shroud of guilt; why did you tell your mother you thought I wanted to leave?" Vulnerable Snape frightened her a bit, but she felt that this Snape would've hugged her back, this Snape would tell her the truth.

"Well, didn't you. Wouldn't you rather be away than having to experience me, this at the lowest point of my life. See, I know that sounds so self-absorbed, but I also know that being here with the current demands of the court has to be unbearable. My emotions shift so rapidly, my heart must feel like a noose to you; it wouldn't be the first time you've been compelled to push me away. And you're surrounded by babies and baby things and a pre-teen who both admires you and wants to topple you, wouldn't you rather go about your life as you did before? And I keep forcing things on you, like a lab, so I can keep you here to pacify my own fears instead of dealing with things as I should." She imagined he was smothered, her emotions like a vice a around him tightening with each surge, each time she fed the girls and felt her body releasing chemicals that cemented their bond; hours spent with Albus teaching and learning, watching his mind expand, waiting for his questions and hoping she could solve anything he prompted- she wondered if even the better times were too much.

"No, I would not and I didn't want to push you away, I had to." He simply replied, pulling his hand away making her worry he was retreating completely, but instead slowly laced their fingers together, intertwining them, the feeling of which made both of them look away from each other. Hermione felt Winnie's mouth move from her breast; the absence created a small coldness, but her body still close, the coldness dissipated and all she could feel was Severus' fingers, long and delicate, coarse but incredibly comforting. She pulled her hand back for a moment so she could switch Winnie to her other breast, still trying to produce enough milk for both of them consistently. After she adjusted and Winnie was happily drinking again or at least using her for comfort, she reached back to him, lacing their fingers together once more.

"Did you like your present, even if I had apparently unspoken, until now, ulterior motives?" She asked, sheepishly, thinking of him brewing again and trying to change the subject. For a moment, it made her feel like she'd forgotten a critical part of his life before the MLE made them colleagues and hoped he would feel useful when she often couldn't.

"Yes, very much. You?" Images of her parents flashed before her eyes in quick succession, her mother's hands on her back and in her hair, how they loved her children and Harry's, how they were perfectly comfortable with them in Grimmauld Place after all the years, and he was the one who'd brought them there.

"I'm sure you felt just how happy I was."

"Yes and the guilt." Her front teeth chewed her bottom lip without cognizance and felt him lightly apply pressure on her fingers. Why did he feel the need to constantly bring up the guilt, the pervading feeling that she carried with her at all times?

"I don't know what to do about the guilt, I'm sorry." She felt them coming, the tears but tried to will them away. The tears had stop. They stared at each other for about five minutes without speaking; she relished his hands over hers, feeling his warmth and trying not to pay attention to her falling tears. Using her shoulder, she wiped her eyes and brought Winnie up a bit so she could kiss her forehead. She smelled heavenly and so did he, his natural musk and sandalwood drifted over to her, forcing her to smile just thinking of holding him a moment, although briefly, she felt something emanating from him, an odd and quick happiness she didn't understand and it suddenly made things worse.

"Do not quell your emotions for me, Hermione. Feel things, experience things; I wasn't merely trying to make you feel better when I said I'm somewhat grateful for this interesting charm because it means all the things I've buried for years, I can finally experience without too much, I don't know, fear I'll be compromised in some way." Then they fell, and she was unashamed. "Why are you crying?" She couldn't meet his sight, but she knew she needed to ask him a difficult question, knowing it would push a wedge between them and seal the vulnerable Severus she saw before her.

"I have something I need to ask you but I don't want to." She stammered through her tears, worried she was being used by the Ministry as bait.

"Yes?" For a moment she felt his emotions, as loud as hers in the room, and worried he was anticipating something more than her actual question. It was clear to her that he was holding his breath and even though there were so many things she could potentially ask him, she had to stick to her resolve of knowing why her parents weren't able to stay at Grimmauld Place, yet others could.

"Is Lucius here to force the LeStranges out of hiding? Is that why he can be here and my parents cannot?" Immediately, she felt him shift, the gap between their fingers growing and then it was gone, his arms were folded across his chest. She immediately regretted her words, although she needed to know.

"Do you want the answer I'm supposed to give you or the truth?" Hermione brought her hand to be mouth, relishing the warmth where his hand been and thought hard before answering, wishing she wasn't so tenacious, she didn't have to have so many questions and need so many answers.

"Forget I asked." Her reply was terse as she stood, taking her glass to the sink and regretting immediately that she'd made him retreat. "Goodnight." She left the kitchen and walked slowly to the nursery with Winnie sleeping snuggled against her and was glad to have her girls and the kids in the house, even though she felt marginally unsafe now that her suspicions were confirmed and she knew without a doubt that Severus had only been returned to Grimmauld Place because he hadn't found them when he'd been sent away or if he had, hadn't been able to take them out. Someday, she would really give Kingsley Shacklebolt a piece of her mind.

Placing Winnie back in the cot, she pulled her camisole back into place and tightened her warm winter robe, thinking perhaps a hot shower would make her feel better, she cast a charm on the cot and walked to the loo and removed her clothes. Turning the taps, she took a look in the mirror and saw what her mother had seen, dark circles, puffy gray bags under her eyes, and her stomach, extra skin but she had lost weight, all of it and then some. She couldn't recall seeing her body this thin since the war and it hit her so hard, the realization that she'd let herself go.

"I haven't let myself go." She said to herself in the mirror, but she was fighting a losing battle and she knew it. Resolved, she stepped under the hot water and felt it envelope her, every pore opening, the feeling washing over her as though she'd just made love to Ron. For the first time since he'd died, she felt more numb than anything, angry that Severus had made her vulnerability grow like some weed she couldn't kill and though she knew how ridiculous she was being, she couldn't stop admonishing him for pretending, for refusing to tell her full truths; she shouldn't have to keep asking the probing questions. Her safety was at risk, her daughters, her nephews and niece, and he was beginning to treat her like the fourth year he must've still seen when he looked at her. Over and over in her head she heard those words, 'I see no difference.' And though it had been many years since he'd said it, she had never really let go of the sting. It was apparent she would never be a beauty, but as an adolescent girl, it hurt more than he could probably fathom to have a teacher she respected lie and poke fun at her obvious expense.

Turning off the taps, she dried herself and then wrapped her body in her bath robe, opening the loo door and stepping into her room where she found him, asleep in her chair again. Instead of using her cushioning charm or covering him with a blanket, she poked him lightly. She was in no mood for his push and pull, his inability to be a normal human being.

"Severus, you've fallen asleep in my chair, again." But his eyes didn't open and something within in her broke, she wanted to be thankful to him for fighting to bring her parents, for protecting her, but in that moment she was so angry she couldn't see straight and her radical emotions finally brought him out of his sleep.

"Hermione?" His voice was raspy, like it always was in the morning before tea and her anger dissipated with one look. His face had softened, making the guilt of everything hit her like multiple hexes to the chest; he'd never seen her so angry outside of the courtroom.

"I didn't want your neck to hurt." She snapped, going to her bed, throwing back the covers and sitting down, her robe opening slightly and giving Severus a good look at her legs, reminding him of the night of the Ministry gala.

"Why are you so angry?" He asked, sitting up in the chair and rubbing his eyes for a moment, trying to get the image of her damp hair, long legs, and the thought that she had no clothes on from his mind as quickly as possible.

"Can we not do this right now? You know exactly why I'm so angry and it has much to do with you being obstinate and not talking to me...or when you do, you say things like we don't know each other, like we haven't been friends, like you don't care at all, and since I haven't had to deal with this much for two months, it's incredibly grating." Taking the towel and drying her hair in sections, she ran her fingers through and tried to detangle her curls, she watched as his eyes flickered over her body, then stayed transfixed on her curls.

"Your anger practically forced me into this room, if it could've made me enter that loo it would've. I won't pry but I can't exactly leave you like this." She smirked and wondered what he would've done had he been forced in the loo. Without a word, she rose and grabbed her pajamas and went back into the loo.

"So you aren't going to comment on your words, your tone? Your behavior towards me?" She was furious, her blood was boiling and she couldn't quite tell if it was because she was angry with him, the situation or everything.

"Hermione, you know I do not hate you. You know that present circumstances make us both short towards each other and though I wish, at many times, I could take back the way in which I have said things to you, but I do not wish I hadn't said them. Being honest with you is important, even if it's hurtful. I apologize it must be this way." She nodded and rolled her eyes, she knew the legitimacy of his words she just wished he didn't have to be so cold.

"At least transfigure it into something comfortable, then." She finally said after brushing her teeth and returning to bed. "I'll try to be quiet if the girls wake; hopefully when I fall asleep you'll be able to leave. And don't worry about my anger, or at least try to not feel compelled if you can because it's not going away anytime soon." Wandlessly, she sent the extra blanket to him and laid flat on her back, staring at the ceiling as though it was filled with stars, constellations she could recall as though she'd visited every one of them. She let her mind drift for a moment to the nights she'd slept next to Severus when she'd gone back to Hogwarts; the pain of loneliness filled her. She thought of the nights she'd slept next to him in his quarters, how just the closeness of his body made her calm. Suddenly, the room was dark but she could see them, really see them; he'd transfigured the ceiling to look like the night sky and though she was fighting it, she immediately felt her heart leap; it instantly reminded her of Hogwarts, of his convalescing period and how the stars seemed to be something that calmed him when nothing else would. It was impossible to stay angry with him when he did such lovely things.

 **SSHG SSHG**

As the aurors and Charlie took the older children back to King's Cross and then let her know they'd made it to Hogwarts safely, she released a breath,hoping that they would never have to face an attack at the Hogwart's express or any home in which they lived. As children returned to school and Grimmauld Place to pre-Christmas fanfare, Albus to his studies and Hermione to her research on locating the LeStranges and also perhaps why they'd targeted Molly and Arthur. She spent days with Lucius discussing possible motives, he helped her work through years of war propaganda and then they finally found Reynaldo in family history. He also worked with Albus frequently on Runes and other works, both to give Hermione time to research and to earn his keep, even if Hermione told him he didn't have to. Severus had been busy brewing most days and when Seamus came to report and bring case information, he rarely found his former colleagues together. Hermione hated that she felt so much anger towards Severus some days and wondered if he knew how worried she was about their situation most of the time. Even though she couldn't blame him for things that were happening with the Ministry, she still felt he was treating her like she was incompetent and unable to help them in any way. Seeing the healer and talking about everything from the war to losing her children and spouse, to things with Severus, she found that it helped for a time before the anger would fill her again.

It was until a few days before his birthday that she felt a sort of break in her emotions, when the healer had come and started her on potions to regulate her hormones and though she knew it would take a while, the idea that she'd have control over herself again and even better that the potions were safe for the girls. The healer had been really kind and helped her beyond measure; being able to speak with someone who was completely unconnected to the family or the incident made it possible for Hermione to express her fears, desires, and anger over everything she couldn't control. It seemed that once she was able to get everything off her chest, she immediately felt relief she couldn't describe. Although she knew it didn't mean she would suddenly not miss Ron or the rest of her family, it was a great weight off of her shoulders when she was able to walk into her room, look at the pictures of all who'd died and feel love instead of loss. The healer had suggested journaling and daily meditation to get herself into a calmer state, to help her work through the stages of grief, though she wasn't sure she'd ever completely feel the acceptance that was required. The official diagnosis was post-partum depression, most likely exacerbated by the deaths and her remaining fears and anxiety from the war. While she was working on acceptance, she knew she needed to stop second-guessing Severus' every move or the Kingsley's for that matter; if someone really wanted to hurt her family or finish the job that been started September first, she knew worrying in the house was useless, and she knew she needed to focus on the evidence she had about the LeStranges, get back to work on the other cases that they'd been assigned, or at least the ones Seamus and Severus had been assigned.

The time they spent together from Christmas on felt stilted, as though he was distancing himself from her and the other house inhabitants as though somehow things had become worse the time he'd been away and their disagreement at Christmas. She tried to get Albus to entice Severus into games, to fly, anything, but he'd just continued to distance himself. The only way he was relatively normal was his relationship with the girls. At four months, they were both trying to sit up, rolling over, and making more sounds. They both enjoyed tummy time and Lily even scooted a bit sometimes when she was frustrated that Hermione or Severus were too far away. He still took time for them, helping Hermione change them or give them baths, he helped cook or instructed Kreacher to clean certain areas. He became a shadow in the house to everyone except the girls, who loved him dearly. She couldn't quite figure out why he was so annoyed with her, aside from bringing Lucius into the house and figuring out that the ministry was trying to force the LeStranges out. Lucius had been far more invested in Albus' day, working with him on ancient runes and even arithmancy when he needed help or played outside with him when Scorpius came over. Between Draco and Scorpius, Lucius seemed to be living far more, enjoying life like he hadn't been in Azkaban for several months and that his daughter-in-law wasn't dying of Dragon Pox. Hermione prayed for Astoria every day, tried to love on Scorpius when he would let her because she knew losing his mother was going to be devastating, and always thought of Hyperion alone, without the comfort of his mother at all.

In an effort to bridge the gap that had formed between she and Severus since he'd left to search for the LeStranges in October, as she was now convinced he'd been sent to do even if he wouldn't confirm her suspicions, Hermione asked Seamus to apparate with her to Diagon Alley to find him a present for his birthday. Though she knew he had many potions texts, she thought to find him one or perhaps some new scales. With Seamus, she felt safe but not as safe as she would've felt had Severus been with her.

After buying him some new, varying scales and a few ingredients, she and Seamus decided to have a meal but as they entered a new establishment, Hermione looked across the restaurant and saw him, Severus Snape, buttoned up like he used to be in all black with a woman. She had long blonde hair and from what Hermione could see, she was gorgeous, thin with an emerald dress on, she had long, slender legs that matched her long slender fingers, the same fingers resting on the rows of buttons on Severus' frock coat. As she devoured his image, she watched him lean forward, tilting the woman's chin towards his and when their lips touched, she knew she had to leave. Suddenly, she was filled with unjustified jealousy and nausea, guilt that she realized without a doubt that she was attracted to him and that unlike Charlie or Seamus, she hadn't been seeking comfort from him as a friend or colleague, she'd been trying to replace Ron with him and it was completely unfair to both of them. His feelings were obviously of a different sort and now, thinking of her behavior, Hermione was disgusted with herself. Bile rising in her throat, she turned to Seamus who had no idea what she'd seen. If she didn't move, she knew her adrenaline would make her vomit or worse she'd have a panic felt exactly the same as when he'd forced her from Hogwarts; she'd been right, he didn't care for her at all.

"Seamus, let's just go back to the chippy."

"Why? This place looks perfectly good." But he turned to Hermione's line of vision and saw his colleague out with a woman, a professor from Hogwarts if he wasn't mistaken.

"Granger, wait." He grabbed at her sleeve but she was gone in a flash, as though propelled by a force greater than herself because when Seamus looked again, he saw exactly what Hermione had. Severus' hand was on the pretty lady's hand and he'd leaned over to kiss her again, but suddenly made a face and looked over to Seamus, shocked at finding him there, but Seamus had seen this woman before and knew he needed to leave

. Seamus immediately walked out of the restaurant and saw Hermione standing, face red and sad, embarrassed beyond comprehension, as she apparated away, he followed and they both arrived at Grimmauld Place simultaneously. Her old feelings found her, her old obsessions and it was clear that all this time she had been using him for comfort and projecting her feelings for something he clearly didn't feel for her. It hit her hard, she'd loved him all those years ago at Hogwarts and when he'd pushed her from his life, she'd buried those emotions for years, forgetting how ardently she had cared for him until she watched him kiss another woman. Though she was ill from guilt, retching on her own front stoop, she felt relief because she finally understood why she had been having such conflicted feelings about Severus since Ron's death and even before, how it had taken her a while to wear him down but she'd turned Severus into her work husband. And it was clear, at least to Hermione, that he did not return her affections the way she did. Retching again into the perfect shrubs, Hermione remembered Severus at Hogwarts and his cruelty, making her feel unwanted and unloved after she'd given everything to him.

"Granger, that was fuckin' insane. What the hell do you think you're doing?" Seamus yelled, but he couldn't fathom anything about the woman in front of him, this crazed looked crossed her face and he knew instantly they needed to get inside.

"Is this what he does when he leaves? Never mind, don't answer that; I'm sure he'd hate it if I actually knew anything about his life." Hermione's red eyes flashed to him, brimming with tears she stepped beyond the void of the wards and instantly threw up new ones, slipping into Grimmauld Place and forcing Seamus off the stoop. When she walked into the living room, she cast several more, and then a final two before finding Lucius with Albus and the girls.

"Oh, dove, what's happened?" Lucius stood immediately and came to her side, taking her bags and offered her his arms, which she fell into even though it felt odd, she didn't care. She shook against him, ashamed of crying over something that was not her business, something that should not be affecting her at all, but still made her cringe.

"I saw Severus and I-" She pulled him from the room, throwing up silencing charms so Albus could not hear her conversation.

"He was on a date and I saw him, he was kissing her and I just-" Lucius understood immediately, he had for years suspected that Hermione had conflicting feelings about her colleague and now, to see her so distressed, he was sure he was right. And though Severus had never really expressed himself regarding Hermione, he knew Severus was only distracting himself with the woman Hermione had seen him with.

"Come here, he is a lonely man, Hermione and I'm sure she's nothing, an informant most likely. " He stroked her hair, rubbed figure eights on her spine and as she felt the wards being tested, she cast another, making the house so safe no one could come through.

"Please don't say anything to him. I shouldn't have acted like this, he's not my husband, he doesn't even like me, he barely tolerates me most of the time, like all of you. He's my colleague, a co-worker, nothing more and I shouldn't be so upset." She rubbed her eyes furiously, it as she was about to fall in tears again, she immediately felt Lucius pull back from her. It felt like she was in stage, like a bright spotlight shined on her and felt incredibly embarrassed to have lost it in front of Lucius.

"Never say things like that. You've saved me more than once and though my affections for you are completely those for a father to a daughter, any man who had your affections would be incredibly lucky. Now, look, he can feel what you're feeling, he wants to stop those feelings when he can and you're keeping him from that, his body is probably fighting him. Either steel yourself or drop the wards." His voice was stern, exactly like the father figure he claimed he was. She nodded and took a deep breath, immediately going to her library in her mind and pushing the image of Severus and the beautiful woman into a tome, forcing her emotions to calm and when she opened her eyes again, Lucius smiled sweetly.

"Now, let's get you some dinner. Kreacher!" Hermione cancelled the silencing spell and followed him into the living room, then the kitchen.

"Thank you." She whispered as he brought her soup.

"Your house elf made this and it's quite good. I'm wonderful with cooking charms, but he's better." She laughed for a moment thinking of him in the kitchen cooking. When she was full, she checked on Albus and then took the girls to the nursery where she nursed them and put them to sleep, completely resolved to see Kingsley in the morning and force his hand in ending the compulsion charm on Severus, if they'd only let one go, dealing with her emotions would get easier but she didn't want him forced to help her anymore. When she finally fell into bed, she cast the wards again and looked to her ceiling, the stars were back; she could find her favorite constellations, but it didn't make her feel anything. Instead, tired and cold, she closed her eyes and wondered why she cared so much that Severus had been out with a beautiful woman. He deserved happiness; he deserved to engage with people that weren't cooped up in the house all day, everyday. It made Hermione want to stage an event to entice the LeStranges, to get them out of hiding so she could get back to work and have freedom again.

The next morning she sent an owl to Kingsley but received no reply. It was clear at Kingsley enjoyed having Severus under his thumb and wanted no part in removing him from his parole agreement; the jail which she'd only discovered a few months prior. Letters arrived daily from Severus asking her to drop the wards, but Hermione couldn't bring herself to do it. Too much hurt had boiled over from her time at Hogwarts and she needed a break. She needed to organize her life and figure out how to do things without him as a crutch again. In her anger, she'd used so much wandless magic, had done things spontaneously like she'd done as a child and it frightened her, but she still refused to drop the wards; she didn't care to see Seamus or Severus in her anger, her emotions so convoluted she worried she'd kill both of them.

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

( _Hermione leaves Hogwarts in 1999)_

 _She walked hurriedly through the halls, trying to find him before she left Hogwarts for the last time, at least for a long while. It had been about month since they'd spoken, a month since he'd forcefully pushed her from his rooms after her potions NEWT returned and she'd received the highest mark in the history of the school. When she'd run from McGonagall's office to his labs, taking large strides, hoping trick steps and knocking on his door so hard it shook. When he opened it, he immediately scowled._

 _"Didn't we already discuss your interruptions? And don't you have exams to prepare for instead of interrupting my brewing." Normally, his scratching words would've wounded her, normally she would've fled, crying but she didn't. She stood in the doorway and matched him in stance, defiance ever present._

 _"My other NEWT scores arrived." She shoved the paper towards him and watched as he ignored her completely, retreating to his potions and looking everywhere but at her._

 _"You're a real git, you know." Leaving her scores on his table, she thought of their shared nights, making life easier just by leaning on each other for comfort and in their grief she thought she'd found someone she could rely on, someone who'd seen the worst of her and she of him._

 _"The know-it-all got an O in potions and every other subject, bully for you." She lost it then, any resolve she'd had to find a way to reach him, to break through the sudden armour he'd built around him. It all stemmed from their nights together, the ones where they reached for each other in comfort, she was sure._

 _"I should've realized you'd be this flippant. Merlin forbid you actually care about the success of your friend." She watched as he poured the potions into several vials._

 _"Friend? Hardly, you were my nursemaid and a nuisance." She tried not to let his words wound her, but each syllable felt like an arrow into her sternum, penetrating the veneer she'd built. But, she knew his vulnerabilities too, the ones he'd shown her before he could speak. She entered his mind, recalling her care of him, her fingers literally plunged into his carotid artery._

 _"You are a hateful bastard, you know." She snapped, sending him more images, their times in the labs, their time solving several conundrums for patients and the nights, when they both woke in sweat and adrenaline, how they'd gravitated to each other. She hadn't imagine him seeking her out, she hadn't imagined his preference for her company. But, to look at him now, it had all been folly._

 _"I'm leaving tomorrow, for London, Australia, then Oxford. I hope you have a good life, Severus, I doubt we'll see each other again." He dropped his knife, cutting the edge of finger slightly, a mistake he hadn't made in years and for some reason, the blood triggered him. She saw him falter, the exact moment when he began to sway, to fall. She rushed to his side, cast the spells to heal his wound and then forced him to sit in his chair as she brought a cool flannel from the loo, dabbing his face and neck, his wounds completely healed, his heart and mind, however were still at war with everything they'd experienced together and apart._

 _"I have a draught, if you need it." Pulling the vial from her pocket, he refused and pushed her hand away._

 _"You need to leave, Granger." Maliciously he took the flannel from her hand and threw it behind him, leaving her stunned. Was this who he really was, after all this time; had everything she known been a façade? She refused to believe it had all been a farce, that he'd faked everything since he'd woken in the infirmary._

 _"It's working you know, this surly bastard routine. You've effectively pushed me away, congratulations." He waved her off and that simply made her wish she'd never let her heart feel compassion for him at all. "I should've let you lie there in your own blood, huh? I should've ignored the faint heartbeat I felt and let you die in pain. No, I should've left you to Greyback? The LeStranges? Or is your problem with my treatment of you, learning occlumency and legilimency to make sure you weren't in pain? Should I really have let you suffer?" He rapidly stood, his wand pointed at her and for a moment she felt fear she hadn't known since Bellatrix tortured her, but triumphed over the fear and pulled her own wand._

 _"I asked you to leave, more than once and yet you still feel above the wants of others, the commands of others. I want nothing from you, silly girl except peace and to be alone." As he watched his words wash over her, he saw it, a flicker of her magic manifesting in the room. She glowed iridescent and powerful, like a spectral and he knew he'd finally pushed her too far._

 _"Don't make me say things I'll regret." She snapped, her body filled with such frenetic energy she could barely contain herself._

 _"I obviously cannot make you do a damn thing, Granger. Leave, save yourself from this embarrassment, this adolescent fantasy you've created where we run off together and brew potions, have a successful apothecary and 2.5 children who all sort Ravenclaw because we can't possibly have too many Slytherins or Gryffindors. And don't forget the house, filled with books and the smell of cinnamon and vanilla. None of that is going to happen, you fool." But he could no longer tell if he was trying to convince her or himself. He waited for her tears, for some emotion but saw nothing in her, she simply stood with her wand drawn._

 _"I said leave!" He barked, dropping his wand and cleaning his work station, the sting of the cut forcing him to stop for a moment. He felt her move, her wand put away and as she reached for the door; there were so many things she wanted to say, to thank him for, but she refused to say anything kind to him._

 _"I hope you get exactly what you want, Severus, nothing and no one, I mean that with sincerity." Her hand turned the knob, but as she pulled the door she heard him curse under his breath. "You think you have me figured out, everything I desire in life wrapped in a perfect bow, but you have no idea, you don't want to know me and I obviously don't know you. Severus from two months ago played scrabble and chess with me and took tea in the Ravenclaw gardens, let me dress your wounds, let me read your books. What changed? You grew a heart? I pushed too hard and you had to examine what it truly means to live again, is that it? Regardless, I regret nothing about the knowledge I've gained being here this year." When their eyes met, she saw his regret, that his words had been far too harsh, but she could also see he wasn't going to retract, to apologize, to even thank her for saving his life._

 _"You're wrong, you know, I never imagined those things with you, with anyone because I didn't plan on living and even since I've yet to think of much beyond the next day and getting through, surviving crippling pain and trying to save your sorry ass. But, you are no longer my concern and I bid you farewell. Live your life, fall in love again, have children with someone or don't, do something worthwhile or I'll have wasted this entire year trying to save you for nothing." She walked out, stomping as she left, forcing her towards the astronomy tower, climbing each step in pain, her wounds still opening every now and then due to aftershocks. When she finally reached the top, she peered over the edge, wondering how it would feel to fly again, as scared as it normally made her. She didn't want to die, she didn't want to hurt herself, she simply wanted to feeling of flying without fear. Standing on the edge of the stone rail, Hermione took a step and felt immediately the sensation of falling, of the freedom, the adrenaline, the bliss of losing control and before she hit the ground, she felt his arms find her, carrying her back up to the tower._

 _"What the hell did you think you were doing?" He barked, holding her so tightly she could barely breathe. He was petrified that she'd tried to kill herself over something he'd said or done; he had flashes of his mother, finding her dead in their kitchen, and he couldn't let that happen to Hermione. Everyone he loved died and he wasn't about to admit his love for her and keep her close, even though he wanted to._

 _"I was about to cast a cushioning spell. I'm not completely inept, you...you...infuriating man. You should've let me fall, it felt glorious." The adrenaline coursed through her body, made her feel alive as he continued to make her feel inadequate, unloved, and unwanted._

 _"Yes, until your neck snapped." His hands rubbed circles on her back even if words were terse and bitter, he was holding her like he couldn't bare to let her go._

 _"I knew what I was doing, I've done it before."_

 _"Before? How many times?" She pulled herself from him and going to the edge again. She knew he hadn't been there since Dumbledore died and knew it was making things worse._

 _"Twenty or so. And why do you care, my life is none of your concern, you've made that quite clear." As she leaned over the edge, wanting to fall again, he pulled her back, his hands in hers shaking. All he could see was Eileen Prince Snape, lying in a pool of blood, her arms torn and though he tried to push those images from his mind, he couldn't. He couldn't stop thinking about his mother as he held Hermione, desperate to stop her yet keeping himself from loving her as he wanted to, to properly show her how devoted and dependable he could be._

 _"I never said your life didn't matter, I owe you mine-"_

 _"Which you begged me more than once to end." She spat at him, trying to forget his hands in her hair, his body pressed next to hers, the tears he'd shed on pain and worst of all, the memories she'd seen, the abuse of his father, the depravity of being a death eater._

 _"I'm trying to save you from a life of misery and squalor, you have opportunities that most of the injured cannot even fathom and you want to spend them here, in this broken castle with old people who barely make it up the stairs. Go off, find Mr. Weasley, have children and when they grace my classroom, I'll know you finally listened to me." She snatched her hands back immediately and stepped several feet from him, angry that he was forcing her to leave, to admit that she did feel more for him than she thought she had and now, seeing him in obvious pain, she wanted to take him to the dungeons, lie next to him and watch him sleep, watch his chest rise and fall knowing he had a second chance._

 _"You have no idea what I want in this life. You think me ambitionless and some feather-headed ninny who cannot think for myself, that I've sought you because I'm weak and nimble- you are wrong. You are the fool. I've done nothing but hone my skills, I can cast almost every spell wandlessly now, enter people's minds without the tiniest hint of detection, project my thoughts on theirs, none of that would've been possible without you, yet as I stand here, reeling from another assault in my brain, my choices, and my life I remind myself that-" She paused and looked into his eyes, the same which had pleaded with her for more pain reliever, for mercy, for comfort and she felt the pulse of her magic brighten the alcove. Instead of finishing her words, she walked down the spiral stairs all the way to her rooms, packed the remainder of her possessions in her beaded bag and walked to the gates, she didn't look back, she didn't care in that moment if he hurt, if he missed her, hated her because it finally sank in: Severus would never care for her the way she cared for him, though she had no idea at the time how far from the truth she really was. When the gates wouldn't open, she contemplated her options and decided, that she was within the boundaries of apparition but in her contemplation he'd caught up to her._

 _"You told me to leave, I'm leaving. My scores are finalized; 10 NEWTs, I'll be able to do anything instead of wasting away here learning from a Potions Master, a Transfiguration Master, a Charms and Arithmancy Master, and the number one Runes professor in the world. No, I'll go to Oxford where every professor tells me the bare minimum to get my degree and then I'll be the drone you want me to be, unfeeling and unfulfilled. But, you be proud of yourself, Severus Snape, you finally won, you finally ruined me, good on you for scheduling my exams before I was ready- yes my mind knew the material, but heart and my body weren't ready. My wounds haven't completely healed, I can't even enter a room without the fear that I'll be attacked or worse, that you'll be lying dead in your own sorry blood. But, do what you do best, push. Make yourself believe you're making me stronger by flinging me from the flock instead of letting me learn to deal with my post-traumatic stress. You've won, Severus, you've won." She pivoted on her feet and took one more step, the gates recognizing Professor Snape as an authority figure. When she was on the other side, she saw him crestfallen, regretting something but she wasn't quite sure what._

 _"Thanks again for scheduling my NEWT early, who knows how long I would've wasted my time rebuilding the castle and carrying for the wounded while finishing my studies. Truly, thank you. I hope my saving your life was worth what I feel right now, you insufferable ass." Taking her wand, she concentrated on Grimmauld Place but felt his arms around her before she could apparate._

 _"This is for your own good." His voice cracked and she knew, he was doing this to save himself, his heart and had no concern for her._

 _"You are not my father nor my professor, and you barely know me or what is 'for my own good', so kindly unhand me and let me leave." He stared into her eyes, she was sure he was as conflicted as she was but her anger pervaded all other emotions. "Unhand me, Snape." He reluctantly pulled back._

 _"You aren't making this easy, Granger." She didn't care._

 _"You make nothing easy, Severus." She smoothed her hair and wiped her eyes, tears forming before she'd even realized were dropping onto her cloak._

 _"You'll forget this." His words felt empty and she wanted to forget how terrible he looked, how incredibly sad he seemed that she was leaving suddenly._

 _"No, you will. I will forget nothing, as is my life and insane brain. But honestly, I want you to be happy, whatever that means to you. I refuse to say anything else on the matter and I never will unless something changes dramatically." Her hand shook as he reached for his and then stepped away. "You've won, Severus, you've effectively pushed me away."_

 _"Obstinate woman, I want you alive."_

 _"I. AM. ALIVE, you pigheaded man, but what does it matter if I'm barely living?And you don't want any part of me, regardless of my being ALIVE, so don't even pretend that you do. You're pushing me from my safe place into a world I do not want to face."She yelled, her magic wrapped around them and he felt it, her love for him, even if she didn't know that's what it was, forcing him to relent for a moment and reach for her again._

 _"Why must you make this so difficult." He hand rested on her shoulder, gripping her gently, wishing again he could just pull her into his arms and be done with it._

 _"Why must you?" Hermione pivoted again and walked beyond the gates. She didn't look back._

 _"Live well, Severus, you've won, I hope that makes you happy. " And she was gone,going first to muggle London and a coffee shop, drowning her sorrows in espresso and a scone, wishing that she didn't let Severus make her leave. She didn't know if she could ignore him for another month as she finished part of two projects with Professor Sinistra and Professor Flitwick, but she doubted she could. Knowing she would've seen him at mealtimes and perhaps in the library, ignoring her on purpose as she tried to live life; she was unwilling to even consider the possibility. When she'd sat at the coffee shop for hours, hopped up on caffeine and sugar, she stepped into the alley and apparated; landing at 12 Grimmauld Place and walking through the door, Ron, Harry, and Ginny waiting for her with popcorn and butterbeer. No one asked why she'd been crying, no one asked why she arrived so late in the evening or why she was a month early, they simply placed her in the middle of them and felt cozy, warm, like it was meant to be. She felt safe with them in 12 Grimmauld Place but knew no matter how far away she got from Hogwarts, Severus would haunt her relentlessly until she moved on. But it took a while, it took violence, it took removing herself from everyone and everything, it took forcing herself on Harry, Ron, GInny and other Weasley's, even forming a friendship with Draco Malfoy and his wife. She never completely forgot him, she never really wanted to_


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: The next two chapters will explain a few things but remember that everything is still not what it seems. HG has done some planning and scheming, taking things into her own hands regarding the LeStranges (how better to do that than with former Death Eaters in her home?).** **Warnings- abuse, miscarriage, mothering, episodes of PTSD, and language. Thanks for reading and those of you who have followed, favorite, and reviewed!**

 **Chapter 10: Finally**

A few weeks later, when Hermione finally dropped the wards and let Seamus and Severus back into the house, it was only because she'd figured out how best to bring the LeStranges into the open, working with Lucius, whom she'd sworn into secrecy through a wand oath; telling him of her plan hadn't been so easy, but she knew if she didn't take matters into her own hands, nothing would get done. Once she explained the contingency plan, he was willing to go along and do exactly as she asked. By the end of February, she would be completely ready to put her plan into motion and perhaps then Severus would be free of the compulsion charm and Lucius of house her hormones evened out and focusing on a particular plan helped her start to deal with the things she obviously hadn't.

She heard a door swiftly open and then slam.

"What did you think you were doing?" Severus asked as soon as Seamus let him know the wards had been dropped.

"Protecting my family. You were gone for over a month before and before that I didn't even know you were my own personal emotional thermometer and bodyguard, so don't act as though you not being here somehow made me less safe. Perhaps I was ready for the LeStrange brothers to strike so all this can be over." She didn't look at him, she carried the laundry to the laundry room and started a load then folded another, her mind consumed with his mouth on another woman's.

"This is probably the stu…"

"Don't you dare call me stupid. Don't you dare!" Hermione almost hexed him and he felt it.

"You are lucky Lucius has been working with me on strengthening my occlumency shields and soon it won't be an issue at all. I'll be back to work and so will you; it will all go back to normal." Hermione took the clothes with her to the nursery and then up the stairs to Albus' room, passing Lucius as she went, nodding to him in passing and leaning in as he kissed her cheek.

"You look radiant today, dove." Lucius had become quite protective and fatherly the longer he remained at Grimmauld Place, working with her to make her mind stronger, more pliable and less inclined to emotional outrage. It had taken her a full week to get her occlumency and legilimency up to standards she's only experienced at Hogwarts with Severus during his recovery.

"Your flattery will get you everywhere." She giggled, almost tripping on the stairs and hearing a snipped conversation between the two men at the bottom of the stairs. A few more weeks, that was all she needed and she'd be back; she'd be Hermione Granger, MLE officer, fighting for the equality of magical beings and living a life she wanted, relatively free of fear.

"Alby, we'll do history and herbology after lunch, okay?" Albus turned to her from his reading and nodded sweetly. He was looking more and more like his father as he grew and she loved it.

"I wasn't finished speaking with you. Can you please stop." Hermione looked to Severus and wondered if he'd bring up the date or whatever it was; this woman could possibly be his girlfriend or whatever he would call her. It was impossible for her to forget the woman's hand on his, his on her jaw just like he'd done with Hermione many times, and the kiss, how she'd longed for him to kiss her even when it felt wrong in her mind.

"In the library, I can bring tea. Kreacher is making stew for lunch and dinner, so I'm free right now." Before joining him with the tea tray, Hermione checked on the girls and found Lily awake and hungry, so she changed her quickly and brought her in the sling. Talking to her as they walked from the nursery to the library, Lily's sweet cooing making Hermione smile as they met Severus, looking annoyed and stern; far more like the teacher he'd been then the friend she'd come to know since working in the MLE together.

"Sorry, I was momentarily detained by a hungry girl. I'm trying to soak up this time as much as I can since they'll be on solids in about six weeks." He didn't say a word, only looked to the sling and noticed how much bigger the girls were in the contraption he'd made her all those months before.

"You wanted to talk?" She asked, pouring the tea and waiting for him to say something snide or biting, but he didn't. He leaned forward at the table and folded his hands around his cup, his frock coat the same as always, his shirtsleeves peeking out of his wrist only slightly. She said nothing further, only looked to him and occluded, her shields becoming so strong she could mask the strongest emotions now.

"How long have you been occluding?" He suddenly asked, his face a mask as though he was always occluding as well.

"I can occlude for full days at a time now, at roughly eighty percent for more than that when needed. It started when you first left in October, but the healer who came a few weeks ago helped far more with things and Lucius, as well." Very proud of herself, she sipped her decaf tea and waited for him to berate her for occluding for so long or for wasting her energies, but she simply couldn't be a slave to her emotion any longer and certainly didn't want him having to deal with things beyond their old working regimen.

"You're awfully quiet for someone who said he needed to speak with me." His eyebrows shot up but he still said nothing. "I apologize you didn't get your birthday present, if you'll wait a second I'll grab it." Hermione stood, leaving the room quickly and grabbing his present she hadn't wrapped and brought it to him, the potions ingredients and new scales were in a fancy bag from the store but no frills or finery. She had planned to write him a birthday letter but abandoned the idea the moment she saw him at the restaurant.

"Happy belated birthday, Severus." She set the presents down and resumed her chair across from him, finishing her tea.

"You shouldn't have." His voice had no malice, it was soft and as he opened the bags, he looked pleased beyond measure for his normal expression yet Hermione didn't feel the pleasure she would normally have felt. Instead, she was disappointed in herself and in him, but she couldn't exactly say why.

"You got these in Diagon Alley?"There was something in his voice she didn't recognize, except for a moment he looked like he had all those years before, the first birthday she'd celebrated with him.

"Yes, Seamus took me after I begged him. I meant to also take you to dinner or make something special, but things went far differently than expected." She wondered if he'd tell her now, if she wanted to know about this woman. Part of her was so curious she couldn't stop thinking about it and the rational part of her, it reminded her how much she wished her husband was still alive and her preoccupation with him was unhealthy and unfair. It was just as unhealthy and unfair as it had been all those years before at Hogwarts.

"Perhaps when things calm down we can go to dinner and discuss that day." His voice practically pleaded with her and it was nothing but a surprise to Hermione.

"I don't think there's anything to discuss, really." She watched as he smelled the lavender she'd gotten him and moonstone, daffodil, and asphodel. She watched as her hand trembled for a second then stilled; she wondered how long she'd been burying these feelings for him, months? Years? It was as though she had repressed everything that had happened between them, as though the year and change she'd spent with him was really only as his caregiver.

"Hermione, I do not make it a habit of seeking women like the woman you saw, I met her…" But before Severus could say anything else about the lady, Hermione cleared her throat and completely occluded her mind, going deeply into her library and trying to block his voice. She'd made up her mind that she didn't want to know about the woman.

"You really needn't explain. You are an adult and are not required to be in this house at all times. You deserve life lived unfettered." Hermione poured more water into her cup and then used her infuser to steep more tea, hoping the tea made her calmer. A tiny pinch reminded her Lily was at her breast, and that was when she heard her, a tiny cry and then a full wail. Hermione let the table and took Lily from the sling walking around the table, humming and rubbing her back, feeling her tiny head for fever but finding she was just gassy and uncomfortable. When she finally calmed her, she was in the nursery and Lily was nursing again, outside of the sling and realized that perhaps the girls were getting too big for it. In the lounger, rocking, one leg tucked beneath her, Hermione sang softly to her darling girl and completely forgot about Severus for a moment, until he appeared at the door.

"Her hair is getting longer."

"You weren't gone for that long, you know." Hermione quipped, staring into Lily's hazel eyes and wondering how she'd gotten so lucky. Both girls were thriving and mostly happy, Albus was learning more and more each day and though nothing was perfect, she felt her life returning to her each day, more and more.

"True but I didn't get much time with them at Christmas and since then, they've been hogged by Lucius or Charlie when he's here."

"Well Winnie is going to wake in a moment, so you can bring her to me and we can trade off." Like clockwork, Winnie opened her eyes and smiled at Severus, reaching for his hand.

"You are terribly stinky, young lady." He used magic to change her nappy and then picked her up, gently holding her under her armpits and using his fingers to cradle her tiny head, a mass of red curls growing longer each time he saw her.

"I do believe your father was right, Winifred certainly has Weasley hair color but that pert little nose is all yours." It flashed before her suddenly, the sight of Severus holding a baby with dark curls and beautiful dark eyes, cradled against his chest; it should've frightened her, that image, but it didn't. Instead she found comfort in the idea that someday Severus might have a child of his own. He was so good with the girls even if he pretended to be incompetent.

Switching girls, the momentary gap between nursing, Hermione pulled her jumper closed and then, coaxing Winnie to nurse, covering her face in tiny kisses and listening to her giggle- how could anyone be forlorn in the presence of a happy baby?

"Lily's eyes are changing." He remarked, again as though he hadn't seen them in ages.

"Yes, they're far more green whereas Winnie's are more hazel blue. Both such lovely shades." Severus held Lily like he had Winnie, from her little armpits and cradling her head in his large hands and her body on his forearms. He contemplated their beauty- how such loveliness survived such terrible times.

"Oh my goodness we're hungry today." Severus chanced to look over and saw Winnie's hand practically kneading Hermione's breast, their eyes locked in complete love and he wished he could explain to her, how much he admired her, loved her, wanted her and that the woman in the restaurant meant nothing, she had been a means to an end, a desperate mistake to convince himself he didn't harbor such affections for Hermione, but it had been a disaster. As soon as Hermione and Seamus had apparated away, he felt every ounce of Hermione's feelings of betrayal and for the first time, he felt hope. For the first time since he'd first felt the odd fluttering of feelings for her, he felt that there was a possibility, an inkling that perhaps she could return his affections again, all those years before at Hogwarts,and perhaps someday, they could explore more than a co-worker and professor and student relationship. He was snapped out of his contemplation when Lily giggled and reached for his hand. Looking down at her, Severus felt like he was looking at a tiny version of a woman he once loved, once obsessed over; the irony wasn't lost on him. He knew what he was doing with Hermione was exactly the same thing, but he was unwilling to let himself fall into the same trap twice. It was clear she needed time to sort her feelings and he wanted her the right way or not at all.

"I am planning to return to work in some avenue in February, just so you are aware. I've already spoken with Patton, my healer and he agrees that, even if I must work from another location, getting back to work is necessary." Her words were tentative, she said it with conviction because she knew he would argue.

"Your brain isn't going to wither away. The office can handle the other cases." Right as rain, he had said exactly what she expected of him, but she was unfazed; he needed to have some inkling that she would soon be taking matters into her own hands instead of hoping that at some point the Ministry would arrest the LeStranges and deal with the murders.

"The girls will be getting more independent and I won't be away from them for long. Albus is going to have a legitimate tutor or perhaps by then things will be safer and he can return to school. Regardless, my healer and our department head are in agreement." Her eyes pleaded with his even if her voice was distinctly void of emotion.

"I have to disagree, you may feel confined here but at least you are secure." Holding Lily's little hand, Severus chanced to look at Hermione again and though he could sense no emotions from her, there was a line of worry written across her face, particularly between her eyebrows and she was chewing her bottom lip. Even without legilimency or the compulsion charm, Severus could see that she did not want to disappoint him.

"It's still a while away; a lot can happen in a that time, I mean my entire life was changed in a matter or moments, this break is a long time." Smoothing Winnie's curls, Hermione kept her eyes locked on Winnie's, the rush of emotions hidden from the man across the room.

"Must you always go full force into a fight, or create one?" He snapped, trying to keep his voice low and calm, but she heard the pleading malice, the annoyed anger in him.

"I just want my life back and you deserve yours as well. If I can make that happen, I will do anything in my power to do so. I can't live a life wherein I am afraid to walk into Hogsmeade or Diagon Alley, to buy supplies for my children, or...or...walk into a restaurant." Her eyes flashed to his as she said the last part, knowing that she had told him she didn't want to know about the woman, but part of her, the wicked part, made her want him to feel slightly terrible, as terrible as she felt. Did he fancy her that way? Could he ever?

"I have a fine life, Hermione." Lily tugged him a bit and then tried to sit up, so he pulled her from the cot and held her against his chest, her little face mere inches from his own. Leaning into him, she blew a raspberry and he smiled. Hermione had seen his smile so infrequently in their acquaintance; she decided it was one of the loveliest sights, him with an innocent baby in his arms and the worry lines erased from his face.

"Well, you deserve a life that doesn't have to include me." Winnie's eyes started to close slowly, one little hand in her hair and the other on Hermione's breast, Hermione watched as she fought sleep.

"You continue to forget I chose you, Granger, above all others." When his words stopped, she realized she'd closed her own eyes, imagining him kissing the woman again, she felt sick. She shouldn't be thinking of him, she shouldn't be obsessing over something that was none of her business and she certainly shouldn't wish that those lips had been hers, not when her husband had been dead less than five months.

"And you can continue to occlude, wearing your mind and body out, or you can just process your emotions because I read them regardless. You hide no guilt nor worry, no anger nor love from me." With that her eyes opened and he saw fresh tears and though he couldn't specifically feel what she was feeling, he could see how distraught she was, even if only for a moment.

"It will not be your concern soon, Severus."

"You seem awfully sure of the outcome." Placing Lily back on the cot, Severus reached for Winnie who was asleep as well, but barely looked away from Hermione who was adjusting her bra and jumper, standing and stretching her legs before going to the cot and kissing each girl, wandlessly she cast the charms on them and walked out of the nursery to the kitchen to see if Kreacher had finished lunch and found him labeling stew into bowls.

"This looks decadent, Kreacher, thank you." He bowed slightly then scurried away. Hermione heard Albus and Lucius come down the stairs, and then all were at the dining room table, eating their stew with fresh bread. Lucius tried to engage Severus in conversation but he was too distracted by Hermione's words; he knew she was up to something and just didn't know exactly what. He feared she was going to do something foolhardy and dangerous, enough to get herself killed and it was something he simply couldn't let happen.

"Aunt Hermione, when is Uncle Charlie coming back?" Albus asked reaching for another piece of bread from the basket and dipping a chunk in the stew.

"By Valentine's Day, my love. He is in charge of training a new handler so he can stay away longer sometimes. He promised to write you, so we should see an owl soon. And you need to write Jamie back; after lunch, okay?" The boy smiled and nodded, he finished his stew quickly, ran his bowl to the sink and then up the stairs. He had homework and letters to write.

"We'll play outside after homework." She yelled after him. As soon as he'd gone, though, he could feel a fog descend on the men in the room, one who supported her even if she often made foolish decisions and the other two annoyed and rightfully so as she'd practically banned them from their jobs and her home for a week.

"We'll have stew again at dinner, so it will be sort of a floating meal because George and Angelina are stopping by to take Alby for a sleepover at the Burrow. Bill and Fleur will be staying with them as well, and I went to renew the wards already." Seamus and Severus exchanged glances, and Hermione knew that they thought she was being too bold.

"If you are worried about the plans, you can speak with George and Bill. I just think Albus needs time with his cousins and Draco cannot come this week with Scorpius. The poor child shouldn't have to endure what we do if we can help it." With that, she took her bowl to the sink and started rinsing what dishes there were in the sink still since Kreacher had cooked. She felt his presence behind her before he said a word, but didn't have the energy to fight with him, but when she turned, she saw a look on his face that did not suggest he was looking for a fight. Without words, he stood before her, his arms crossed and his normally stern face free of any malice. There were words he wanted to say, of course, but he knew it would fall on deaf ears.

"Excuse me." Hermione went quickly passed him and up the stairs to Albus' room where she found him writing a letter and his books pulled out, little pieces of parchment poking out where his lessons needed to be reviewed.

"Let's get all this finished so we can play outside before the girls wake up again." They worked for an hour and then she watched him fly in the garden with Lucius who seemed to be enjoying watching the boy fly as much as she did.

"Severus is concerned."

"Of course he is, because if something happens to me he'll have failed his mission and get sent Azkaban, but nothing is going to happen to me." Her terse reply made him pause, but choosing the right words, he replied.

"It's more than that, Hermione, and you know it." She scowled then smiled at Albus as he swooped down near them.

"Surely not. Severus is dedicated to the promises he makes, for sure; I've never known a more devoted man, aside from my husband, but their devotions are so dissimilar. When this is all finished, he'll see." Hermione quickly plaited her hair and rolled the braid into a bun, leaning on Lucius for a moment as her mind worked overtime, going over detail she could to ensure she wasn't missing anything, any minor detail that could ruin the plan.

"You and Charlie agreed and the matter is settled. I will not continue my life in fear and neither should you or any of the Weasleys for that matter." Her hands were on her hips as she stared him down.

"You have Severus all wrong, Hermione, you really do." Lucius forced her to

look at him. "He is not a monster, he is not unhappy here."

"Who can be truly happy when they're in servitude?" Hermione's large brown eyes met Lucius' blue ones, and they refused to look away from each other.

"He doesn't believe himself in servitude; he only wants to do what comes natural to him which is protecting you. He will be far angrier that you are trying to do this without him." Her voice was pleading. she was desperate. She didn't want Severus this way, tied to her against his will.

"And when we succeed?" His hand came to her face before she even realized it and pushed a curl from her line of sight, and she wondered for a moment what it would've been like for Draco to have this version of Lucius as a father.

"That will be his downfall, I'm afraid." Hermione didn't quite understand his meaning, so her face scrunched.

"Why would having freedom be such a problem?"

"It's not freedom he desires, dove." Lucius patted the hand resting on her lap, but Hermione still didn't understand.

"Fine, he can go to any bird he wants, he can be a random lothario in any restaurant around the world but I won't have to see it again, I refuse to see it again." The bite in her words took Lucius back to the same tone Narcissa had gotten with him when he was unfaithful. It made him regret so much, each kiss, each caress. He couldn't think of anyone but Narcissa. Although he knew he could never understand exactly how Narcissa felt, the pain on Hermione's face brought what empathy he had back, full force, and his own guilt weighed heavy on his heart.

"Give it time, you will see. Severus doesn't want to be a lothario and he certainly doesn't want to be one around the world. As the time passes, it will all be clear and you will be able to understand the mixed emotions you feel." They both sighed at the same time, both moving their eyes back to Albus as he flew, carefree and growing more confident and adjusted as the days rolled closer to the summer break for his brother and cousin.

"I'm a fool, Lucius." He heard the pain in her voice, knowing the guilt and pain she felt as his own sins.

"We all are." Lucius sighed again and pulled at his hair."Do you think you can give me a cut?" Hermione turned abruptly to him and thought of his with Draco's old haircut.

"What would you like?"

"Short, like George's. I think once this is all over, having less the austere look will be to my benefit." Hermione took out her wand and with a few simple shearing charms, his hair was much shorter and he looked far younger, almost as though he was Draco's brother.

"Wow!" Albus exclaimed as he touched down on the ground and ran over to Hermione and Lucius.

"Do you want a trim?" She asked, turning her wand on her nephew. He nodded fiercely and then stood still as his aunt trimmed his hair.

"Maybe we all need a trim, but I need a mirror for mine. Hold on." Hermione went to the window, unplaited her hair and straightened it as much as possible, taking off a few inches, then a few more until suddenly, it was much shorter, so short she almost cried because it was the first time she'd ever seen herself with hair so short, aside from baby pictures. With a little curl on top, a very slight wave, and short sides and back, she looked like Harry had almost, aside from the colour and curl. Staring at herself, she wondered what had possessed her to take it all, to completely remove the hair she'd had for years, and then she realized, it was the weight, the freedom, the change she needed to move on. Removing her hair was like death itself; the grieving process the same, the grief as apparent as ever, but there was also relief and a pleasure that she hadn't known for months. Her pregnancy had been difficult, fear of losing Winnie as she'd lost their two sons late in pregnancy, and the sickness, though meaning that the baby was still alive, wracked her days. Now, she felt herself again, even if her most prominent feature was gone.

"Good lord, what did you do?" Lucius remarked, smiling at her as she stepped away from the window and looked at them.

"I needed a change." His hands went immediately to her hair, the soft texture of her neck blending with her hair and then cupping her face.

"I can see your eyes so much better now." He kissed both cheeks and watched her go inside.

"Winnie woke about five minutes ago." Seamus said from the table where he was writing up some paperwork, finally looking up to her as she passed. "What the hell happened to your hair?" Hermione stopped and gave him a ferocious look.

"I wanted a change." She replied, passing through the kitchen and dining room to the hallway and then the nursery. Severus was holding Winnie when she walked in, removing all shorn hair from her jumper before going over to them to see if Winnie was hungry.

"She is changed, but still a bit unhappy." He hadn't looked at her yet; instead he held the small girl in his arms, against his chest as though she were precious cargo.

"She has a few teeth coming in, they both do, so I bet they'll be fussy until they break through. I know Rose kept a fever for a few days when hers were breaking through, but nursing helps." Taking her from his arms, he finally looked from Winnie to Hermione and the shock was visceral.

"Thank you for holding her, I think we'll try nursing and then I have a recipe for a minor pain reliever if she stays uncomfortable." Unbuttoning her jumper as he stood and stared at her, Hermione sat on the lounger, one leg tucked beneath her, a pillow under her arm and Winnie at her breast, Hermione hummed lightly without awareness and rock slightly with her foot, going into her own world, her library filled with books, with memories and moments she both wanted to remember and forget. She didn't notice him staring, his keen eye roaming over her as though he was seeing her for the first time or after a long absence. Though Lily remained asleep, Severus stood by the cot and waited, wondering if this new hairstyle was some reaction to her grief or related to the desire to leave the house and go back to work. When Lily finally stirred, Winnie was asleep once more but still a bit warm.

"Come here, little love." They traded girls, Severus feeling the warmth of both of their tiny bodies and for the first time since they were born, he was genuinely concerned about them. He watched as Hermione snapped her bra in place on one side and then unsnapped the other, moving her jumper out of the way, allowing Lily access to nurse.

"Do you want me to brew the potion?" Severus asked, unable to take his eyes from her. Although he liked this new hair, he missed her wild mane, the recognizable attribute of her personality.

"No, thank you. I will brew it after dinner. I want to see if their temperatures come down on their own." Glancing up at him, Hermione saw his concern but it was beyond her now, her desire was too soon, too unpredictable, and she knew, again, that it was unfair. She couldn't let him feel the erratic yet powerful things she was feeling for him, especially if he was having to seek comfort because of it.

"Thank you again. Lucius asked me to cut his hair and then we all decided a trim was in order, so I didn't hear the charm." As though summoned by his name, Lucius appeared at the door and saw his friend trapped in Hermione's force field.

"You received an owl, my dear." Lucius strolled over the lounger as Hermione looked away from Severus and took the letter. "Seamus ran it through spells; appears fine." Breaking the seal, she saw it was from Charlie, he was coming a week earlier than expected. A smile stretched across her face and continued to her toes; she folded it immediately and put it in her pocket, returning her gaze to Lily.

"Thank you, Lucius." Both men then exited the nursery, leaving Hermione to the girls and her obsession with outing the LeStranges. But she heard them as they left, "But what possessed you to ask for a haircut?" Severus asked him, his voice returning to his normal tone.

"I'm too recognizable; this makes it easier for me to blend in."

"And why would you need to blend in now? You're in this house until things are settled or have you forgotten." Severus sniped, their voices still low.

"When I am freed, I want to disappear, you know this."

"And why did she cut hers?" Hermione could barely hear them now, so she stretched a bit, standing and walking with Lily.

"She's just as confused as you are, surely you see this." And then they were too far away. Closing her eyes, she went back to her library and sighed, she needed to bury her confused emotions and hope that she could free him of the jail sentence before she went crazy.

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

( _While Hermione was still at Hogwarts in 1999)._

 _It took an hour for Hermione to really wake up on Severus' birthday; her mind had been reeling since Christmas with thoughts she couldn't quite explain. She'd been taking care of him since May, since she'd gone back to the Shrieking Shack and found him, his heartbeat faint but there and his bleeding had slowed, though it was most likely because most of it was on the floor. As she remembered that day, almost losing Harry and the others who'd died, it made her feel good to know she'd saved at least one person, especially since it was Severus._

 _Padding down to his rooms, she took her presents for him and the cake she'd made. It was chocolate but not bitter nor too sweet because she knew he didn't like things that were too sweet, and the icing was buttercream with just a hint of cocoa powder. He was turning thirty-nine, she believed though she didn't know exactly and she was too afraid to ask him, so she'd left the cake blank and simply iced it. Breaching his wards, she sent her patronus ahead of her to make sure he was decent, but found his quarters completely empty. Setting all his presents and cake down in his small refrigerator before leaving, feeling odd being in his rooms without him, though she'd done it before when he was still more frequently in the infirmary. Suddenly, she worried he'd had a relapse as he had at Christmas, so she ran through the halls to the infirmary and searched the main room, then the private rooms, finding him in the last room, she visibly paled as she saw him vomiting in a cistern, tears leaking from his eyes as he doubled over again._

 _"What happened?" Hermione rushed to his side, wiping his head and cheeks with a cold flannel, looking to Madame Pomfrey as she did, trying to ignore how terrible Severus looked and sounded as his vomiting finally stopped and he fell back against the cot._

 _"Some of his medicine reacted badly with new treatment."_

 _"Oh Severus, on your birthday?" Hermione helped him get more comfortable on the cot, casting cleansing charms and trying to remove his soiled socks. It was a weird attraction, what she felt for his perfect feet, but she couldn't help herself. Like his hands, soft and delicate, they represented the dichotomy of his life, the rough side, his tattoos and scars, then the delicate length of his fingers, the perfectness of his toes._

 _"My birthday is just another day, Miss Granger, it matters not if I vomit or spend my day in this blasted room." She frowned at his words, sad that she knew as much as she did about his childhood and early life, images she'd seen in his mind when he was barely conscious. It made her heart sore to think of him so neglected, so ignored by everyone around him; it made her understand his desire to join Voldemort and his Death Eaters._

 _"Well, I made you cake and I have a few presents, and you're going to accept them because I made an effort." She was about to tuck him in when Madame Pomfrey came through again._

 _"If you help him, he can go back to his quarters." Hermione nodded, helping him to stand, then wrapping her arm around his waist. They'd done this so many times since he was able to walk again, but he felt incredibly light this time, she felt his hip bones as though he'd lost a whole stone, but she tried to hide her reaction so he wouldn't admonish her when they made it to his rooms._

 _"I know this is asking more you than is appropriate, Hermione, but can you fetch me clothes? I don't relish smelling like my stomach's contents for the rest of the day." She smiled at him, at least his humor was back and sarcasm. Going quietly to his room, she found a change of clothes for him and brought them to the sitting area where he was asleep, probably exhausted from vomiting, so she slowly removed his trousers and shirt, he woke up when she leaned him forward a bit to change his shirt, but when she met his eyes, he wasn't angry with her. Instead, when he looked up at her, she saw a sheepish smile, a grin she had only seen a few times and so she smiled back, taking his hand she led him to his room and helped him onto the bed._

 _"A nap would do you some good, then cake." As though in a daze, the medicine obviously getting into his system again, Severus reached for her hand, pulling her close and thanking her quietly, his voice raw from the bile and acid from his noticed he'd been whispering all morning._

 _"Just rest, Severus, we can celebrate you later." She smoothed his hair, the shortness of it still making her pause because she'd seen him for years with longer hair. He pulled her closer again and whispered something she couldn't understand; her confusion must have displayed on her face because he pulled her so hard she stumbled into him. Sometimes he forgot how strong he was, especially with her frail form._

 _"Stay." He whispered, patting the bed next to him, letting her go as she walked around his bed and climbed next him and crawled under the covers._

 _"You didn't have to manhandle me, Severus, you know I am always happy to stay with you." He turned towards her and brought a hand to her face, a small smile appeared and then he was out. Hermione watched him sleep for an hour before her mind calmed enough that she fell asleep, too, and when she woke, he'd pulled her tightly against him. She knew if he woke and found them like this he'd be angry with himself, so she moved his arm slowly and moved back to her side, wishing she didn't have to because the pressure his body had felt so welcome and so glorious._

 _"Were you too warm?" He whispered, reaching for her again._

 _"No, I know that you…" She paused and worried she was pushing him away when he was finally accepting her. "Severus-" She didn't know if she could continue to lie in his arms and not have some sort of understanding that he wasn't going to push her away._

 _"You are always welcome here." She couldn't believe he was letting her lie in his arms and she knew it was temporary most likely. Relishing the feeling of being wrapped in his arms, she felt herself drift again to sleep, both of them exhausted. When she woke again later, she was spooning him, her arm draped across his waist, her fingers laced with his. She needed the loo but didn't want to move; he'd done this so infrequently that she was afraid to break the spell, remind him he was the bastard of the dungeons. So she waited as he slept and recited what she remembered of 'Hogwarts: A History', in her mind. When he was finally awake, she hugged him tightly and went to the loo, curious about giving him the presents she'd made and bought and of course the cake._

 _"Do you need help to the loo?" He nodded as she helped him stand; although she'd seen him nude plenty of times before he was fully functional again, it was a bit different now that she'd realized her feelings for him were far more than friendly. She left him at the door and waited then helped him to sit on his sofa._

 _"Do you want some cake now or lunch?"_

 _"Cake." His voice was a bit louder, his face still relaxed but she could tell he would need a pain potion soon. Grabbing the cake and plates, she set them on his coffee table then when back for the presents._

 _"I didn't know for sure what flavor you would like so it's sort of dark chocolate." Slicing him a piece, she put it on a small plate and handed him a fork. It surprised her when she watched him eat, as though no one had ever made him a cake. She ordered tea service and waited as a elf scurried through, apologizing profusely because Severus had tea at exactly the same time everyday and the tiny thing hadn't brought it. Hermione was sure they were still miffed with her about SPEW._

 _"Do you like it?" Taking a huge bite for herself, it was moist and springy, the buttercream perfect._

 _"Yes." She watched him attack his fork like it was his first meal after a long famine and smiled at him. It was his birthday and she loved him._

 _"Your family celebrated birthdays?" He asked quietly._

 _"Yes, always. Especially once I came here. We usually had ice cream and watched movies together or sometimes, especially for my Dad we went to a museum. Both of my parents are academic." It felt awkward talking about her childhood, how drastically different their lives were, so divergent. Hermione wanted him to feel how much she cared for him, even if nothing came from it aside from being his friend._

 _"Now your presents. I know you claim you don't like gifts, but I put some thought into these, so please don't be mean unless you really hate them." He squinted his eyes at her in pretend annoyance took the perfectly wrapped packages from her. The first was a new set of quills and ink._

 _"The quills will write automatically and better than a dicto-quill." He marveled at the colors, how they fit in his hand perfectly then set them aside and took the next package. It was a new house robe in velvet with a soft lining with silver accents and a beautiful recreation of the Whomping Willow and his name stitched perfectly in cursive on the breast pocket._

 _"I made it; it's not perfect but it's warm." He didn't meet her eyes this time because he knew if he did, she'd see how vulnerable he was, how utterly surprised he was that she would go to so much effort for him._

 _"I made those as well." He opened a set of perfect Slytherin socks, four pair and again couldn't meet her eyes. When he got to the last one, he found what looked like one of her essays, words neatly written on parchment and as he started to read, he felt her words flow over him. She'd created a charm to heal his wounds from Nagini's bite. It combined a potion and charm, she'd put all of her research on paper to prove to him that it was possible._

 _"I've been working with Professors Flitwick and Slughorn for months and we finally had a breakthrough. Unfortunately, this only works for fresh wounds." She thought of her own, how the combined potion and charm had helped with the word 'mudblood' on her arm but not the lighting bolts that stretched across her skin. Suddenly, she flashed red and hoped he wouldn't notice._

 _"You've combined magics?" She heard something in his voice she couldn't place and wondered if it was good or bad, like he didn't trust her._

 _"Yes and we tested it; I promise it works." She answered, almost sternly._

 _He scrutinized her, wondering just how she knew it worked so emphatically. He'd been trying to do the same things for years._

 _"You're sure?"_

 _"Yes, I healed a few people with it." Producing the potion from her beaded bag, she handed it to him then sat next to him, aiming her wand at his neck._

 _"It tastes alright because there's mint." He removed the stopper and swallowed the contents as she cast the charm, repeating the same incantation over and over until she watched his jagged scars disappearing. They faded so quickly she almost forgot where they'd been; she fetched a mirror from her bag and held it for him._

 _"How is this possible?"_

 _"We tested it a few times in hope. Slughorn pointed me to several restorative droughts until we found the one compatible with the charm." He still couldn't believe she'd gone to all the trouble of researching and creating a cure for him._

 _"Hermione, you shouldn't have spent so much time on this." His tone wasn't quite how he wanted to say the words and he knew it as soon as her face fell. She was sensitive and he knew this, but sometimes he simply couldn't control his tone, even for her._

 _"I did it for me, too and others who had permanent scars that would never fade otherwise. Unfortunately, it doesn't work for anything that was caused by an unforgivable curse or something more than a year old." Folding her arms across her chest, she diverted her eyes. Standing next to him, she grabbed the paper and took it to the rubbish bin, annoyed that she'd let his words get to her when it was clear he liked his presents. Pausing for a moment to order sandwiches from the kitchens, bacon and eggs his favorite, then returned to the sitting room where he was touching his socks and robe again. This time she sat across from him and waited._

 _"Thank you."_

 _"You're welcome." She felt foolish, like she'd gone too far, played her hand too soon and now she wanted to leave; their friendship had always been tenuous at best and any time she tried to treat him as she'd treated Ron and Harry, it backfired. He wasn't a teenager, his experiences obviously made him weary and she felt immediately that she'd done too much. Anxiety boiled over within her and she bolted as soon as the elf brought Severus his sandwiches. She ran to her room and buried herself in books, studying up for her midterm exams, ignoring her rapidly pounding heart as she worked and the knocking at her door. So completely submerged in her work, she didn't even realize it was nighttime until she felt faint and so hungry. Searching through her beaded bag, she found some snacks and ate, trying to remember the feel of Severus' arm around her, his leg between hers, his breath on her neck. When she finally folded herself into bed, she cried. She felt far more foolish having run and left Severus alone, especially after the morning he'd had. Guilt overwhelmed her other emotions as she wept, her heart stuttering along as she tried to calm herself._

 _The next morning when she awoke, she decided to go to classes then return to her room, giving both of them space. She felt that her obsession with him had gone far enough; she didn't have to continue saving him to feel valid. Yet, each time she walked by the library and to potions, she felt her heart seize. In her panic-driven state, she ran to the astronomy tower and for the first time, Hermione stepped to the edge and like she'd seen him do over and over in Severus' mind, she stepped free of the railing and fell, the air flowing through her and just as she was going to hit the ground, she flew of her own will as though she had some power she didn't know about. And as though she wasn't sure, she tried it again and again, casting a cushioning charm each time in case she hit the ground; yet, each time she flew, taking off like Superman in comics or Ron and Harry on their brooms. She'd never felt so free._

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

Weeks passed in odd quiet between Hermione and Severus. The girls two bottom teeth finally came through and then two top teeth, making nursing a rather odd sensation. Although she knew she would miss the bonding time, Hermione knew she would continue to pump and would get to bottle feed them or some meals. Knowing they were thriving was the ultimate gift. She received letters from James and Rose, both still doing quite well in school and loving quidditch, like their fathers. When Charlie arrived the first week of February, she and Lucius filled him in on the plan, and though he scoffed as Lucius had, he was willing to help if it meant the outcome would free more than one person and bring justice to their family.

The night of Valentine's Day, Hermione made lasagna for everyone and red velvet cake, a recipe a lady from the auror office Ron had brought home. The lady had been from North Carolina where red velvet cake was made with sweet cocoa, so Hermione began to make it for Ron for Valentine's Day each year, though they rarely did anything more romantic than watch a film together or when Rose was older, they would have a special dinner and cake, perhaps a walk around the neighborhood of townhomes and a few dances in the living room to old Big Band music Ron had learned to love due to Arthur's obsession with muggle music. Stirring, the batter, she poured two equal cake pans and put them in the oven.

"That already smells heavenly." Charlie remarked, coming up behind Hermione and running his hand over her shortened hair. "This is a good look for you, almost like you're a pixie now." He tickled her neck, her laughter ringing the kitchen and throughout the first floor of the house. She heard the charm on the nursery ring and grabbed two bottles from the larder.

"Here, make yourself useful." Hermione turned on the oven timer before following her brother-in-law into the nursery where both girls were trying to pull up on the side of the now deepened cot, reaching with one hand for Hermione and Charlie. She remembered for a moment how they hadn't recognized her at first when she'd first cut her hair, but now, as they were becoming more mobile, she knew they recognized her when she came into the room. Taking WInnie, she carried her to the living room and Charlie followed, the two girls drinking quickly.

"When she's finished, you can put her down. They love to sit up and try and crawl; they're growing too quickly."

"True, but I'm not putting her down until she screams, I haven't seen them in six weeks. Far too long for Uncle Charlie, wouldn't you say, Lily?"

"Have you seen Lucius or Severus?" Hermione asked not hearing much commotion from around the house.

"Old sour boots is downstairs in the lab, working on something for Lucius." Hermione's eyebrow quirked slightly then she smiled, thinking that by the end of the month they would be free again.

"Sour boots?"

"Yes, Madame Granger, young Weasley here seems to think my boots are particularly sour." Severus appeared at the door, watching as she laughed, her eyes bright and happy; this was the woman he remembered working with for years, even if her main form of therapy was occlumency. His eyes moved to Winnie who was holding her bottle and looking at him and then as if little Winnie had her own force field, she held her arm out to him, making a small squeaking noise which he couldn't refuse.

"Someone loves Severus." Charlie remarked, holding Lily tighter, but seeing that both girls wanted Severus, Lily's tiny arm reaching for him as well. Severus bent down and took her with his left arm, and with them sat on the settee across from Hermione. Winnie was first to lay her head against his chest, then Lily did; it still surprised Hermione how willing he was to help with them, feeding, changing, making each of them happy when he could. It seemed effortless for him, as though all the years he had been unable to share his true self was all dispensed on them.

"The timer." Charlie interrupted, as Hermione watched Severus with Lily and Winnie, content and comfortable. She bent down to him as she passed and kissed his cheek, "Thank you, Charlie. Try and pry one away before Severus hogs them all afternoon." Charlie scoffed but as soon as Lily was finished with her bottle, Severus sat her on the ground and she scooted over to Charlie, slobbering on his pants leg before putting her hands up.

"Traitor." Severus joked, placing Winnie on the ground. She sat still for a moment, then Severus took their bottles to kitchen where Hermione was pulling the cakes out of the oven.

"These will sit for an hour to cool and then we'll ice them...oh, sorry, I thought you were Charlie." Hermione turned and saw Severus staring at her movements, as though mesmerized by the mere sight of the heart formed at the nape of her neck, her neck elongated now that her hair was gone. She thought of the chocolate cake she'd made him for his birthday, for some reason that entire episode was readily on her mind.

"You can ice, too, if you're so inclined." Setting both cakes on the racks, she turned the oven to a different temperature and put the lasagna in.

"You cook like a muggle most of the time, why?"

"I am clumsy enough without adding magic to my cooking. Plus, this is how my Mum taught me, it's sort ingrained now. Old habits and all." Thinking of her mother made Hermione momentarily sad, so sad that her mother was in a safe house until Rabastan and Reynaldo LeStrange were captured, and before she could summon stronger shields, the weak facade of her shields cracked and he felt it all; her shame, her guilt, the lingering loss of Ron and her family, the absence of her mother, the love for her children, the fear of losing someone else, and then the worst of all, attraction. Her attraction to Severus had grown steadily even though she'd tried to distance herself as often as possible, there was something literally beckoning her to him.

Closing her eyes, she tried to go into her mind, she tried to find another memory or thought to latch onto, but then the worst and best possible thing happened, Severus wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer and closer until her face was practically buried in his armpit, then his hand found her hair, first at the base of her neck, then slowly, she felt each finger crawl across her scalp, as though he was searching for treasure, she shivered against him, and before she thought she couldn't handle more, she felt him lean down and his lips touch her head, his nose noticeably taking in the smell of her lemon and honey shampoo and Hermione almost lost all sense of control. Pulling away slightly, she looked up at him, his face inches from her own and instead of asking why, she simply hugged him tighter, and felt her shields break completely, but instead of running, she felt herself melt against him, her entire body like putty in his hands. She knew she was tempting fate, pushing herself beyond boundaries she'd set for herself but in the moment, it felt too good to be wanted even if Severus would never want her quite like she wanted him.

"You've been holding this in too long." He whispered in her ear, the warmth of his breath making her skin tingle, and another shiver overtook her senses.

"I don't know how to turn it off some days, honestly. I've been living in my library; I thought I was stronger than this." She replied, her voice small and quiet, her arms wrapped around his waist and her fingers laced together, wishing he'd done this on Christmas or earlier when the breakdown started. Really it had started before that, but their inability to exist together had shifted then and she knew it would shift again before March, when her plan was put into action.

"You are the strongest person I know." His reply came with shock; shock that he thought of her as a strong woman, shock that the words weren't a derision of her behavior, but most importantly, the eucalyptus and spearmint on his clothes invaded her senses, forcing her to inhale as much of it as possible before she felt foolish. Guilt became her pervading emotion, it had been less than six months since her husband passed and she was clinging to a man, this man...a Severus Snape man.

"Stop berating yourself, Hermione, I can feel that, too you know." There again, his fingers made lattice work of her hair, each honey curl loosed through his dexterous fingers, and then his lips again, on her forehead this time; then something akin to lust took over and stronger than she could express; biting her lip, she knew she needed to move away, to distance herself from heartache.

"I am not going to hurt you." His words were even quieter than before, his breath causing another shiver to cross her entire body, but she knew he was lying, he'd already hurt her before, multiple times. Jokes about her writing, her briefs presented in court, her mothering skills (before he really saw them in action), her hair, her freckles, her teeth- they were all topics for fodder in the office, but worst of all, since she'd learned of his required protection of her and compulsion to be near her when she was upset or her life was in danger, he'd been unavailable most of the time or emotionally disconnected, as if her knowing about the requirement made it worse for him somehow. As though admitting that he could feel the wide spectrum of her emotions made him as vulnerable as she was. In her research, she found that she could reverse the spell herself since the was the object of the charm, but she didn't know exactly what would happen. Would he be immediately transported to Azkaban? Would Kingsley know what had happened?

"I don't know exactly what you're thinking, but stop, whatever it is, don't mess with it, Hermione." The tone of his voice changed; he was finally doing what she expected of him. His go-to response was always derision.

"You are not my keeper, Severus." She replied, pulling back and looking deeply into his eyes.

"I beg to differ." Instead of making her ire surge, she laughed...he was technically right but not for long.

"Feel better?" He asked, as they continued to hold each other at the waist, both pulled back slightly.

"If I am being honest, not particularly." Biting her lip again, his eyes traveled there and she felt it, his emotions bleeding into hers. "But, I have also never felt quite like this, so I am not a good judge." She didn't want to let go, she didn't want his scent to leave her clothes nor his hand to leave the nape of her neck, one long finger in her curls. As though under a spell, they continued to stare at each other until Kreacher appeared, breaking the magic and with great reluctance, they pulled apart, but not before he put his hands on her shoulders, facing him, he made her look into his eyes.

"Whatever you are planning is not worth it; I am not worth it." There went her lip again, stuck between her teeth, the same he'd made fun of once ages ago.

"I beg to differ." His arms immediately fell and with that, he left the kitchen, leaving Hermione to dissect what had happened, to hope that when she was better, when the compulsion charm was lifted, perhaps when she knew or certain that her feelings were legitimate, and that she was honoring Ron's memory, he would be amiable to something else between guilt she felt, as soon as he left room, hit her harder than she could imagine, it was thick, it was unbearable and that was the immediate sign she needed that what she was feeling was too soon, too raw, but so much wanted. Her affections for Severus were far different than those she'd had for Ron, and it honestly scared her more than possible death at the hands of the LeStranges.


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: This chapter is extremely graphic in terms of the choices forced upon Hermione, Charlie, and Severus. Graphic mention of scarring. My other warnings still exist- language, character deaths, mothering, etc. Thank you for reading and for those who have commented, favorite, or followed. I promise, the next chapter is a bit brighter.**

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

Two weeks later, everything was ready, the potions brewed, the espionage finalized and the plan for the children was in place. Hermione made sure her life was in order, the paperwork required in case something did go wrong for all five children, and went over the specifics with Charlie and George; though reluctant, they understood her determination and the sacrifice she was willing to make if it meant she could give her family freedom and closure. All the intelligence they'd received on the whereabouts of the LeStranges had come at a cost, but they hadn't been as difficult to find as it seemed Shacklebolt portrayed. Although she didn't think Kingsley had anything to do with the deaths of the Weasleys or Potters, she was still concerned he had been compromised in some way or the LeStranges had just made easy on them to find them in France. Either way, even if it was a set up, she wanted to take them into custody. She'd been brewing polyjuice and was surprised Severus hadn't questioned her, but he hadn't said much of anything to her at all.

"Lucius will stay here and the wards will make it impossible for anyone to penetrate the windows or doors. George and Angelina will also be here, ready to take the girls and Albus on the event that our plan fails, but this is a contingency plan only. Bill will accompany Charlie and me as back-up. We have found the LeStranges in Paris living near the Bohemian District. We will use this portkey to get there, it is unregistered for our specific purposes and then we will go to the Moulin Rouge. When they are apprehended, we will take them purposely to Azkaban and circumvent Kingsley because he has been compromised most likely. Once there, they will be questioned. Three aurors who promised to help made wand oaths with me yesterday and will also accompany us to and from Paris to ensure they are apprehended and taken immediately. If anything goes opposite of plan, we will be in contact." Hermione took a breath and finished her water. The girls were sleeping soundly next to her in their bouncers and Albus was up in bed. Four men and Angelina looked to her, all completely convinced she was insane but willing to do whatever she asked.

"And Severus?" Lucius asked, watching her close her eyes tightly then sigh.

"He will try to stop us, so he doesn't know. I've perfected a shielding spell and can occlude while still performing the spells required. He must be detained, even if the means by which he is detained are rather unsavory." Rolling her eyes, she turned away from Lucius who was rather pleased with her reaction.

"We leave in an hour." Hermione stood immediately and went to her bedroom, changing into clothes that would fit a different version of herself then grabbed her flask, filled with polyjuice potion and tucked it into her tall boots.

"Damn, Granger." Charlie whistled as she walked out, having already ingested his polyjuice so that there were two Lucius Malfoys in the living room. Hermione caught her reflection in the mirror and for a moment missed her old hair, long and bushy hair that she'd been teased about for years, crazy but all hers. The outfit they'd picked made her look like Lucius' whore, it was tight and gathered at the waist, almost like the can-can dancers they'd see at the Moulin Rouge. Charlie as Lucius had long blonde hair and a five o'clock shadow, his suit was cut to perfection, revealing a hardened body.

"As soon as I activate the portkey, we will leave. Please cast the wards as soon as we depart and if Severus happens to show up, I left polyjuice in the cauldron and hairs for Angelina." Hermione quickly hugged George and Angelina, kissed Lucius on the cheek twice and then the girls, still sleeping steadily in their bouncers. In what felt like an instant, they were at the Sacre Coeur in Paris, looking out onto the city; it mattered not how many times she saw Paris at night, it was always beautiful. Charlie wrapped an arm around her waist, dropped droplets of vodka over his suit jacket and then they walked, Bill stayed yards away disillusioned.

They entered the Moulin Rouge and the owner immediately came over to Charlie, offering him his old table and they obliged, walking through the crowds and finding that they had a full view of the room. Being Lucius Malfoy apparently still had perks in places where magical folks and muggles mixed; they certainly faced no barriers to their enjoyment, drinks were brought immediately, and servers came by many times before Charlie and Hermione had peered around the room enough times to get a good idea of who was present and not.

"They aren't here yet." Charlie said in Lucius' aristocratic drawl, exciting her skin as his breath hit her.

"They'll be here, the aurors have been casing this place for months.I still don't understand why Severus had so much trouble finding them if they've been here for months, unless he didn't have trouble and has been playing his own game with them"

"And you won't tell me who they are, the aurors?" Hermione nodded, her makeup slightly smeared from rubbing her eye. Charlie didn't need to know all the specifics, no one needed all of the information in case things went wonky.

"It needs to look like you're rough with me. Lucius told me that he often brought women here who were mistreated by their keepers and tried to give them nights of freedom. He wouldn't hurt me, but perhaps because he's been in Azkaban, he's turned mean? I don't know, it was his idea. I am under your control." She whispered back, leaning behind him to speak so no one could read her lips. "We have to be believable."

"That will be no problem, my love." Charlie looked at her with Lucius' eyes and for a moment she forgot who he was, forgot where they were and why they were there. Before she could say anything, he bent slightly and his lips touched her neck and she didn't have to pretend to find it alluring, imagining what it would be like to have someone be attracted to her as Ron had been. When she opened her eyes, she immediately saw them coming towards the table but pretended not to know who they were.

"Fancy meeting you here, Lord Malfoy, and with her majesty the mudblood." Charlie put an arm around Hermione's shoulder, one eyebrow lifted in apparent annoyance.

"Funny that the Ministry still trusts this one to do their bidding when memory charms and a well placed imperio turns her into a pliable little mistress." Charlie leaned forward, drank some of the absinthe he'd been given and took his wand out, it had been glamoured to look like one Malfoy might have since his original wand had been taken.

"We have a private room if you'd like to join us, for old time's sake." Reynaldo quipped.

"You and I don't have old times, as it were, now you're brother here, he and I had grand old times. But I won't hold that against you." Charlie stood, offered his hand to Hermione and they followed the men to a private room where Charlie saw a man he hadn't expected to see in a million years.

"Dolohov." Charlie looked to the man, Lucius had warned him might be in Paris as well, but they could never get a good read on the situation. It still posed no great threat to their plans, now it would simply be three for two. Hermione, on the other hand, had a very different reaction; she was absolutely certain Dolohov was dead so whomever was sitting before her was an imposter.

Charlie forced Hermione to sit on his lap, then directed her to turn, blocking their view of him drinking more polyjuice potion and allowing Hermione time to drink hers.

"The ladies will come in shortly, but first, a toast." Rabastan passed shot glasses full of a clear alcohol around to the men as dancers came in, their dresses far more beautiful than Hermione had anticipated. One in a green dress sat on Reynaldo's lap and Hermione watched as his hand disappeared under her skirt.

"There's veritaserum in the shots." Charlie whispered. Thankfully, they had anticipated this and both had antidotes mixed in with their polyjuice.

"Do you think Granger here could be convinced to dance for us?" Antonin Dolohov smirked, she remembered his face clearly from the department of mysteries in her fifth year, when he'd used the slicing hex against her. But, she also knew there was no way he could be in the room and so she immediately questioned who he was. If he was really Dolohov, everything she'd been convinced she knew was wrong, everything she thought she'd done while still at Oxford was convoluted by the appearance of him.

"She will do whatever I bid her, Antonin." It was difficult for her to hear Lucius' voice when she knew Charlie was truly within. She simply couldn't reconcile it for a moment, the sound of Lucius' voice and posturing, but knowing that a goofy, loving Weasley was truly on the inside was much harder for her to comprehend than she thought it would be.

"Good, she is the reason we must hide out in such company. I'd like a little show for my troubles." Charlie took the wand and pretended to strengthen the imperio as Hermione stood and adjusted her dress, she'd never really danced provocatively for anyone but thought about the women she'd seen as they walked in, except she concentrated on Charlie, running her hands through her hair, then down her breasts, across her waist, lifting her skirt ever so slightly in teasing, turning and looking over her shoulder at him, sucking on her bottom lip and then, slowly she walked towards him, lifting her skirt higher and straddling his lap, turning to lean back against him, until his hands grasped her waist and turned her around again, facing him she felt wanted even if the entire moment was a carefully calculated facade. Her hair fell forward as she captured his mouth in a kiss like no other she'd ever had; first it was the thrust of his tongue, the way his hands gripped her waist and then moved down, the heat from body meeting hers, it almost became too much. When she pulled back, smiling widely at Lucius' face with Charlie's mind, she felt his lips move to her neck again, then trailing down the length of her throat, to her breasts.

"You don't intend to hog her do you?" It wasn't Dolohov's voice she imagined saying those words. Hermione closed her eyes because for a moment, she felt an intense surge of jealousy and lust, as though someone had hit her with a spell, and then, as if in a trance, she turned on Charlie's lap and found Dolohov was sitting with a beautiful parisian girl who looked no more than seventeen and felt sick. His hands traveled the young girl as Charlie's traveled hers, each feathery kiss, each delicate touch made her insane with jealousy but she could no longer tell if it was her own jealousy.

"It's just so much fun when they don't fight back, don't you think?" Charlie's fingers were in her hair, pulling her back further on his lap, nibbling at her earlobe, causing a celebration in her nerves, forcing her to moan loudly. Rabastan and Reynaldo's girls were dancing for them, Hermione could make them out on her peripheral vision, but kept her eyes on Dolohov as Charlie's free hand snaked around her body and under the hem of her skirt, resting on her thigh; Hermione felt her body betraying her but the sensation was unreal. Had there been a lust potion in the shot as well? She was sure she'd tasted all of them before and it hadn't tasted like the clear alcohol at all.

"Her body is attuned to mine, Dolly, and you know how terrible I am about sharing. This one waits for me hand and foot, does anything I want, anytime I want." Hermione felt his hand move again, her skirt hitching a bit more as it moved towards her panty line and her breath left her and as his thumb dipped below the lace of her knickers, she felt her body pulse with excitement, imagining another man's hands. With his thumb she felt him press into her skin, mere centimeters from her sex; was Charlie really going to touch her? Before she got her answer, he'd turned her again, quickly in his arms.

"Selfish, I say." Dolohov responded as his own dancing girl climbed onto him, her skirt completely lifted, her hands obviously unbuttoning the man's pants, whoever he was, and Hermione became irritated. Her mind was frazzled with the apparent lust potion and her own jealousy, sprouting out of , just as she was finally clearing her mind, Charlie's hand slipped again, resting on across her knickers, pressing gently into the heat of her body and rubbing slightly. How did he even know how to please a woman? Rocking against his hand, she felt one of his fingers move up and down her knickers, it had been so long she thought she would orgasm just from his touch. She was torn from her ecstasy when he turned her face; instantly he dropped his hand and stood them up, taking her hands in his.

"Lust potion." He whispered in her ear, standing with her tightly against him, dancing to the music from the stage outside the room and soon the other men joined with the can-can dancers. In her mind, the hands roaming her body were not his but instead they belonged to a rather austere, dark-haired man she suspected was in the room. She wanted Severus, she felt her body pulsing for him as Charlie twirled her and her eyes met Antonin Dolohov's.

"When I give you the signal, stun them." Charlie moaned into her ear, Lucius' long blonde hair shielding his words and tickling her cheek. His mouth found hers again, kissing her as deeply as he had before, his hands finding a thigh and bring her leg to wrap around him, and she felt him, his desire, his want and though she knew they were playing a game, she wanted him to continue even though everything in her brain was confused; she was not attracted to either Lucius or Charlie in the least, so the lust potion must've been extremely powerful. With one last kiss, Charlie dipped her back, kissing from her throat to her breasts again and then he said the words, they both turned and quickly, almost effortlessly stunned the men in the room, they fell hard against the floor and the ladies ran, as Bill and the aurors came in, Dean Thomas, gone rogue from his boss, leading them, apprehending the two LeStrange men and leaving Dolohov. Hermione immediately wondered if Bill had seen what they'd done, embarrassment flooded her body.

"You aren't taking him?" Charlie asked, his polyjuice wearing off as red hair began to replace blonde. Hermione looked to Dolohov and smirked, she knew Severus had figured out their plan and had found a way to infiltrate as well. She suspected Lucius had told him, but couldn't prove it until she talked to him.

"It's Severus." Hermione laughed to keep herself from crying, trying to ignore the adrenaline and heat of her own body. Dean and the aurors took the LeStranges, Bill went with them immediately but Charlie waited with Hermione and Severus, canceling his glamour, as they all became themselves again, leaving Hermione to question how long the lust potion would last and if she could ever look at Charlie the same way once they left. Closing her eyes, she tried to bury her thoughts, the memories of what had just happened between she and Charlie, and when she opened her eyes, Severus was Severus again.

"Let's go before the Minister tries to arrest us." Charlie sighed as he spoke and took her hand, sending another pulse through her body forcing for to shrug him off. "I can't handle it right now." She whispered, holding her arms tightly around her body as they approached the portkey location disgusted with herself.

"Hermione, I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking." Charlie reached for the portkey as her hand and Severus' met, it was unbearable. Her heart beat rapidly, her skin afire and when they landed in front of Grimmauld Place she ran in and immediately threw her clothes off and jumped in the shower, trying to cleanse her skin of his touch. How could she have let herself get so aroused by her homosexual brother-in-law in Lucius' form? And then it dawned on her, they were both safe men, she knew neither desired her and her desire for Severus was masked by the lust potion, of which she'd only ingested a few sips after kissing Charlie. She couldn't imagine how he felt if her own body was teaming with electricity, each sensation afire from the smallest things, even the spray of the showerhead made her crazy with urgent arousal. Realizing that it would only get worse the longer she stayed under the showerhead, she filled the bathtub with water and the lavender bubble bath her mom had given her for Christmas and let herself immerse completely. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.

"Hermione? Can I come in?" It was Lucius.

"Yes." Making sure the bubbles covered her nude form, Hermione opened the door with the flick of her wrist and watched as he stepped through, his face unmasked. It was odd to see this version of Lucius again, short hair and demure, if she squinted it was like looking at Draco from school.

"Charlie let me view his memories." From her head to toes, Hermione blushed, knowing how wanton she'd behaved with his form; the way his/Charlie's hands traveled her body, mere centimeters from her most intimate parts and looking at the real Lucius did nothing to assuage her guilt and ultimately, her extremely powerful lust.

"I don't know how we missed the lust potion. I only had one, but Charlie had two shots, he must be going crazy. Did you tell Severus? Did you tell him to impersonate Antonin Dolohov?" Opening her eyes, she glanced to Lucius who was now sitting on the floor next to the bathtub.

"No,I'm so sorry, darling, I know that this must've confused your mind even more, to find him there and the lust potion as well. Consider that Charlie feels equally as uncomfortable and that you did nothing wrong. You've freed me again, and I find myself at a loss as to how I can thank you." Lucius ran his fingers across his face and saw the tears in her eyes, crying for the awkward position she was in and the battle with her body. She was still so very confused as to how Severus had known their plan but also so very thankful that Lucius was permanently not a suspect, that he was completely free instead of living in a cage as he had since the end of the war.

"You let us use your image to catch them, I think that's thanks enough." Bringing her hand out of the water, Hermione let it drip for a moment, then patted him on the shoulder, finding that she liked him better with the short hair and that her skin was a touch less sensitive. Even though there had been animosity for years between she and the Malfoys, after defending him after the war then making friends with Draco had been a nice change from the way she thought things would go with them. Looking at home now, she was sure he was someone she could trust, even in her altered state.

"And you protected my family here as well. You've given just as much as you've taken and as soon as those men are kissed by death, you will be free." She felt and heard him sigh and then found Severus at the door, sensing her need.

"Join us, Severus, we're wallowing." Lucius joked, taking Hermione's hand in his and warming it. Just the pressure of his fingers on hers, the warmth of his palm encasing her hands made the sensation almost unbearable, suddenly she looked at Lucius with new eyes. He wasn't an unattractive man, blue eyes brighter than almost any she'd ever seen, a chiseled jaw with a burgeoning goatee, and even though his hair was still primarily blond, he did have a bit of white at the edges. It wasn't a bad look for him, in fact it made him look distinguished and rugged. Hermione was broken from her meticulous study of Lucius by Severus' voice.

"How did you know I was there?" He suddenly asked, standing almost sheepishly and leaning on the door frame, staring at her with his dark, beckoning eyes.

"Do you really want to know? Maybe tell me how you knew we'd be there or why you didn't apprehend them before tonight if you knew they'd been in France?" Her questions made him drop his arms which had been folded tightly against his chest. But he said nothing, perhaps knowing wasn't what he wanted.

"How did you get that scar; I don't think I've seen it before" Severus asked, pointing to the jagged edge of her scars, the little showing; he'd seen her nursing the girls and had not seen the scars before. Looking down, Hermione recognized that the glamour she usually wore was gone and the slicing hex scar from Dolohov was obvious against the white bubbles. She wanted to remind him that he had seen the scars before, years ago at Hogwarts when he'd found her asleep in the library and helped her to her room, changed her from her robe into a long flannel gown that was hanging by her loo door. When he'd removed her robe, he saw the curious scars leading from her chest upward and shivered. He hadn't known she'd experienced such pain. After he put the gown over her head, she opened her eyes and remembered her scars, that he'd seen them, that it was no longer a secret.

"The Department of Mysteries; Dolohov used your sectumsempra spell against me, I normally have it covered because I worried the girls would find it disturbing. It's how I knew you weren't really Dolohov because I killed him, a year after the war when I went to Oxford, I found him and killed him. He's the reason I have difficulties carrying children, why my torso is covered in gashes so appalling my husband could barely look at me without glamours. Sure, Ron loved me and showed his affections quite freely, but it was lights out most of the time. God, why am I telling either of you this?" Bringing her hand to her face, she covered her eyes in shame and tried not to cry harder, not to admit that it had been a sore point of contention for many years. She pretended he didn't know, that he hadn't seen them but part of her wanted him to remember.

"You really killed him?" Lucius asked, not believing her capable of such an act outside of warfare.

"Yes, I went to Ukraine, he was there for vacation. It was after I took my NEWTS and left Hogwarts for good, after I spent a year trying to convince you," She pointed to Severus and then covered her eyes again, "to try living again. I had anger built up, pain I couldn't describe to Harry and Ron because at that point neither knew how bad it was for me after the crucio curse opened old wounds. I was acting out, angry and frustrated at being thrust into the world again, and I knew I would always look over my shoulder until he was dead, so after Draco and I made amends, we worked together incognito and found him. Draco was the first to see all my many scars and had his own reasonings for wanting to end Dolohov's life, which you can allow him to tell you because I will not." She held up her arm and they both saw the distinct letters of the word, 'mudblood'. Lucius felt himself shiver, knowing she'd experienced that particular pain at his house, in his own drawing room.

"I used a glamour; they all expected Dolohov to be there, even if you've apparently freed Dolohov of his mortal coil." Severus finally said, looking to Lucius who looked visibly ill and then to Hermione who was still buried under the bubbles and her own hand across her face.

"Well, it was quite believable. I think Charlie thought you were really Dolohov because your compatriot here warned him Dolohov might be in Paris ." Hermione turned the tap with her toes, pouring more hot water into the tub, nothing taking the incredible ache away and lucius' circles on her palm weren't helping.

"Speaking of, is he okay?" She finally uncovered her face and looked between the men, both awkwardly looking at anywhere but her face.

"He's upstairs, I believe. The potion must've been a much stronger concoction than is normally brewed because you both seem far more affected than you would normally be." But as Severus finished his speech, he felt Charlie tap his shoulder. His words were evidence that he hadn't brewed the potion nor gave it to them.

"Can I speak with Hermione alone?" He asked, Severus immediately turned and left the room, Lucius reluctantly let go of her hand then promised to look in on the girls.

"Have George and Angelina left?" Hermione asked, trying to break the uncomfortable silence that descended as soon as the other men left.

"Yes." He took Lucius' spot on the floor next to the bathtub; she thought he'd fallen asleep until she looked at him and saw his fear.

"Charlie? Are you okay?" She saw his face fall, his beautiful blue eyes full of tears.

"No, I'm not okay. I am embarrassed and ashamed; I'm sorry."

"Charlie, we both did things we aren't proud of, but we were intoxicated, you have nothing to be sorry for." But before she could really finish her statement, she felt his hands holding her face.

"No, I wanted to kiss you. I don't understand why or how, but I wanted all of it." Her blood pulsed through her, and for a moment she was reminded of Ron and his tenuous love for her, attracted but repulsed in some ways by her nude body; he had always been extremely affectionate, but she knew he didn't appreciate the scars of her body, even if he'd been incredibly patient with her issues following the war. But, here was a man telling her she was wanted, but her mind was too crowded with emotions. She was far too confused.

"It's the potion, Charlie, it has the same compulsion that the Wizengamot used on Severus. I promise you don't actually want me." His lips met hers and she couldn't breath, the pressure of his lips on hers made her want to forget all propriety, but she knew it was wrong. She knew Charlie would feel differently when the potion wore off.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered against her, his kiss tasting like fairy floss and cinnamon. Using her foot, she lifted the plug in the tub and stood, letting the water fall down her body. His gaze traveled her form and for the first time ever, she saw a man desire her without glamours over her skin, but she knew, she felt deeply, that they were acting on emotions intended for others. Her attraction to Charlie was only a by-product of her attraction for Severus, whom she could not have and his to Billy Mackelroy. Yet, at the same time, Charlie was extremely attractive, alluring even, and she couldn't deny she was tempted by him.

Without words, he helped dry her body turning his head from her nakedness so he could keep from pawing her, then wrapped her in her bathrobe, walking with her to the bedroom and lying next to her for a moment on the covers, first looking to the ceiling then to her large eyes, her hair slick from the water.

"You will regret this once it wears off." Her words were terse but she meant him no harm; she knew he would feel guilty for his behavior even if she welcomed the comfort.

"I've felt like this before." Her head turned sharply towards his, shocked by his admission.

"But…"

"Can I kiss you again?" He rested his head on his hand and looked down at her, pulling her body flush to his. Part of her mind screamed to push him away, but another part wanted every touch, taste, sensation, so she nodded and that was all it took. She felt his lips warm and soft against hers, his hand traveling down her back and inching her even closer to him until one of her legs was wrapped around his, her robe falling away before she could even consider the recourse of her actions, she moaned into his mouth, desperate for human contact that wasn't two small girls pawing at her breasts. Her mind went instantly to Ron, so Charlie again, the almost convincing way he kissed, the demanding way Ron always had, and the warmth of his body. She could not deny how much she wanted that closeness, to feel someone and know them so intimately, her grief, denial, took over and she wanted him.

Suddenly, he'd pulled her on top of him, nothing between their bodies but his clothes, which seemed to electrify both of them, a product of the lust potion or perhaps both simply desperate for connection. He leaned up, resting on his elbows and feathered her collarbone with kisses until they connected again, the heat between them filled the space curiously. Suddenly pushing him back against the bed, Hermione kissed him again, this time as convincingly as a lover; the robe barely on her arms now as his hands traveled from her waist to her breasts, his thumbs brushed her nipples hardened under the pressure and then they leaked. It was the immediate reminder she needed to break the spell. Instantly she was off him, wrapping herself tightly as she inched away from him, terrified that they'd already gone too far. She'd felt him pressing, pulsing against her, both of their desires meeting but she'd been right, she wanted Severus and not Charlie, not Ron's brother. And though she wanted Severus, she knew it would do nothing but make her feel the shame of lusting after a man sent to protect her six months after her husband died.

"Charlie, you don't want this, I promise." She was hysterically crying now, and it only became worse as her core ached, desperate for another man. When she looked in Charlie's eyes, she saw a wounded man, his pride compromised apparently, perhaps he hadn't been so under the influence of the lust potion that he meant he'd wanted to kiss her before. Resolutely, she sat bawled up, folded in upon herself, until she simply could no longer look at him so fragile and hurt, she began to lean towards him again, taking his face in her left hand and kissing him ardently, an apology. And as though he was summoned, Severus knocked hard on the door as Charlie sat up, folding his legs under him tightly and crying. Hermione jumped back on the bed as Severus opened the door completely, embarrassed that she was such a mess and that he had most likely seen them kissing.

"Antidote." He shoved the vials towards her and though she had tried she knew she wasn't able to keep her emotions hidden from him and he'd felt everything, from the moment they entered the Moulin Rouge to the moment she opened the door. But, Hermione had felt his as well, the jealousy, the same burning desire and suddenly she wondered if he had ingested the lust potion as well or if he had been the one to give it to them. Her mind instantly went to the young girl who'd been on his arm, his lap, kissing him as she'd kissed Charlie. He didn't seem particularly aroused, perhaps he had already had the antidote.

"Drink it now; you are torturing me." His voice hissed as he looked into the room, seeing Charlie sitting on the bed, hands covering his face, he immediately took a vial from Hermione and went to Charlie, forcing his mouth open and emptying the contents; she pulled her robe tightly around her, the fabric exciting all her senses once more. And again, Hermione had been right; Charlie looked to her with the same shame and guilt she knew he would, but he didn't flee the room, he didn't immediately drive himself from her, instead he wiped his eyes and sat still, waiting for her to return to him. Quickly, Severus turned to her her and tried to do the same thing, taking the vial but Hermione wouldn't let him force the antidote down her throat.

"Are you enjoying this? The feeling that you would take any man to your bed to scratch the itch you feel? To have him worship your body and then, when he's done with you, leave you to rot in your shame?" His face was inches from hers and though she knew she needed to drink the antidote, she liked the feeling of being alive, even if her senses were overwhelmed, she felt like herself for the first time in ages. She felt wanted.

"Drink it, please." But part of Hermione wanted him to feel her desire, to get a taste of the torture she'd felt when she'd seen him with the blonde at the restaurant.

"I don't want just any man; unlike others, I prefer to have more between myself and a lover." She responded, digging into him, and like she had earlier, she felt his emotions surge and envelope her, drowning her own desire with his regret.

"You have no idea of what you're speaking, you saw something and now think you know my life. I've been a spy since before you were born, give me a little credit. If I didn't want to be seen, I wouldn't have been." Shocked, Hermione felt her body shake, there was no way he had orchestrated her seeing him that day and in her anger, she threw the antidote against the wall and when it shattered she felt Charlie's arms around her, pulling her away from Severus.

"Shhhh love, he isn't worth this ire. Come, let's get you in pajamas and we'll talk." Hermione felt her eyes full with tears; how could she have trusted him to be more than her forced protector? How could she have thought for one moment that anything could exist between them but their odd friendship and even that felt compromised.

"You are a liar, Severus Snape. You said you'd never hurt me, but that, just now, you ought to have just hexed me because that would've hurt far less. And you know what, that's twice, twice that you've said something so incredibly vile that I almost lost all my faith in you. It was bad enough when I was nineteen, but now, now after everything, you still refuse to admit..." She pulled from Charlie's grasp and Severus saw the scar again, how it traveled across her chest and abdomen like lightning striking the sky and his heart broke; why was he trying to hurt her?

"How can you claim you want to protect me? How can you say you don't want me to occlude yet when I finally feel something, anything but despair, you immediately rush in here to save me from my own brother-in-law?" Realizing that the robe had fallen open slightly, Hermione decided he'd already seen it all and went to her armoire, pulling her knickers on and then a long shirt, running her hand through her hair before cleaning the mess she'd made with the vial and wasted potion. He still hadn't said anything, but both men had been visibly shocked by her scars.

"Yes, Hermione the freak show. I hope you both got a good look." Charlie's hand came to his mouth when he thought of the pain she must've experienced after the hex and then later, when she'd been tortured by Bellatrix LeStrange, opening all those wounds anew; the lust potion had clouded his vision of her earlier, he hadn't seen the scars at all. All Severus could do was stare at her, her body thin and as scarred as his, he couldn't control his pain, that he'd snapped at her again and though he'd placed himself at the scene to help them if things went wrong, having to watch her pretend to service Lucius under the imperio had been too much to bear, walking in on her kissing Charlie pushed him beyond his comfort zone entirely. He wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms and hold her until she no longer hurt, but Charlie got there first.

"You are not a freak show. Come here." Charlie held out his arms to her and she hesitated for a second then ran to him, allowing his arms to shield her, the potion wearing off on its own. "Look at me, Hermione, please." Her tears clouded her vision, all the courage and strength she'd had earlier was waning, she felt like she had a huge beacon on her, magnifying her flaws.

"Do you know why I think you are beautiful? You have these freckles, on your nose right here," he touched the bridge of her nose," and your eyelashes, they're so long that I always see them before I see anything else when I look at you. And your curls, they practically scream, 'touch me,' but none of your physical beauty compares to this." He placed his hand on her chest, her heart. "You love all of us without exception, without rules or reprimand, your heart is beautiful and no physical scars could ever change how I see you. So, we can talk about what happened, well last night now, another time because all of our emotions are too volatile to accomplish anything good, you can stow away those things you're feeling right now, telling you terrible things, because it just isn't true, dove. Let's get you to bed." Hysterically crying, Hermione felt him leading her to bed but some effects of the potion weren't gone yet and without thinking, she kissed his cheeks.

"They are really gone, aren't they?" She whispered to him, relishing the victory for a moment then thinking of the trial and everything that would go into prosecuting them. The staccato of her voice, after crying so hard, reminded Charlie of a child for a moment, she was clearly upset about so many things.

"Yes, they are and it's all thanks to your tenacity."

"Foolishness." Severus added, folding his arms again and then knew immediately he shouldn't have said anything when her eyes met his, her pain hitting him first.

"No one asked you to come, no one asked you to get involved." Hermione snapped. "Nothing I do is right enough for you. If I work, I'm a terrible mother, if I want to help others, I'm a bleeding heart. If I hide my emotions, I'm wearing myself down, if I don't I'm being irrational. I will never be good enough or do the right thing for you. I can't win with you."

"It's not a game, there is no winning." He snapped back.

"Well, that's obvious, isn't it. Why actually try when there's no point." Charlie stood between them, understanding for the first time, really, that they were not talking about what they seemed to be talking about.

"Direct your anger somewhere else, Granger."

"Stop dictating what I am allowed to feel...you may sense my emotions, you may think you know me, but we are strangers, aren't we. You've been a spy since before I was born and I am only a mother who apparently has no other value to you now…"

"Why don't you understand I am trying to protect you so those children don't have to lose another person? Why has this become such a point of contention for you?"

"Because instead of taking those men out when you had a chance, you…" but she stopped herself, knowing that screaming that he'd fucked his way through informants would get them nowhere. Instead of saying anything else, she pulled her legs to her chest, burying her head in her arms and crying. She was so overwhelmed and exhausted, tired of fighting with him. Without thinking, she grabbed her wand and as he turned to leave, she slammed the door.

"Let's go to sleep, okay? The girls will need you in the morning." Charlie crawled into bed beside her and held her.

"Thank you for stopping me, I was going to hurt him." Hermione shook against him as he smoothed her hair and tried to calm her, though nothing seemed to be working. When she felt him fall asleep, Hermione went to her desk and wrote two letters; one to Kingsley asking for a transfer and another to her parents asking if she could come stay in their vacation home for a while. She ran them to the window where Harry's owl Tyrus was waiting and the letters were off. She knew that things between she and Severus would be worse than ever and for once, she refused to allow him to make her feel worse than she already did. Taking her parchment out, she wrote one to him as well.

 _ **Master Snape- the children and I are going away for a while. I will report for court when summoned, I believe that we are just as secure elsewhere as we would be in Grimmauld Place now that the leStranges have been apprehended. You are welcome to stay at Grimmauld Place, but I ask that you not bring any strangers here until I decide where my family will live once everything is settled. I have asked for a transfer and await information from Shacklebolt, though I doubt he will make a decision soon because he loves controlling us so much. There are some new developments regarding the charms placed upon you that now change me significantly, please know I am working tirelessly to get them reversed before I lose your friendship forever. I do not understand fully how you knew what our plan was or why becoming Dolohov somehow made us safer, and I do not regret forcing the Ministry to apprehend the LeStranges, but I do greatly regret what occurred during and after- I may never forgive myself for my actions. Regardless, though I esteem your judgement and have counted you a friend for longer than I ever thought possible, you and I obviously cannot co-exist without one of us hurting the other. Please forward any remaining materials I need to finalize.**_

 _ **Yours, HG**_

She left it under his door, she ferociously gathered the things she'd packed for the girls and Albus, and with Charlie, though he was groggy, they all apparated to York, the vacation home her parents kept. She immediately warded it, and watched as Charlie played with the girls and then she finally slept. Her parents arrived three days later, after she received word from the Ministry that the LeStranges would face a private counsel of the Wizengamot and they would seek the death penalty. She received personal correspondence from Kingsley that her transfer would take time and that she should wait until the summer ended for a new job placement, so the majority of her brood would be at Hogwarts. Although she did not receive word from Severus, she had invited Lucius to stay with her until the trials were over and then he could decide if he wanted to leave Britain or stay; he told her that Severus had lost it the morning she left and battled with himself over what had happened the night before. He told her Severus didn't speak for days, simply went to the Ministry to finish casework and start working on the case against the LeStranges, distraught that he'd once again he'd damaged what was good about their relationship.

Although she and Charlie never talked about the events leading to the capture of the LeStranges, she knew he understood that she would always love him, would never use those events against him, and Hermione became comfortable with him again, as if they hadn't almost had sex, and knowing that at some point in his life, he had actually wanted to kiss Hermione and she him. With Charlie and Lucius checking on her frequently, her parents able to come and go, things calmed significantly for Hermione and though she still felt some of Severus' emotions, she tried her best to occlude hers from him. She found the distance made things easier but also that she missed him, far more than she cared to admit to anyone except Lucius.

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

 _(Hermione has worked with Snape for 1 year)_

 _Hermione searched frantically, it was Rose's birthday and she couldn't find her anywhere. She walked away for only a moment to use the loo and Rose had completely disappeared. Although she was six now, Hermione still worried that someone had taken her so she searched frantically, forgetting her brief at noon, going first to Arthur's office, then the aurors, and lastly the commissary, hoping Rose was in her usual places, but she wasn't. When Hermione finally went back to her offices, she found Seamus fuming, pacing the sitting area between their offices._

 _"Where tha' hell were you? I was in there alone, you-" The shock of what he was saying hit Hermione; she'd missed her brief and left an extremely anxious Seamus to the courtroom alone._

 _"I cannot find Rose, I'm so sorry. She's been missing for over an hour; I promise I didn't do this on purpose." Hermione fidgeted with her hands, so worried about Rose that she couldn't stand it, until she saw the door open and Rose and Severus walked through. Rose was asleep on his shoulder, her curls masking her face as her arms wrapped around his neck, the faint mark of the fangs of Nagini still there._

 _"Was she with you this entire time?" Hermione asked, reaching for her but Severus held her tightly, refusing to wake her up._

 _"I found her trying to break into the Department of Mysteries; I sent a memo, but I am assuming from the shock on your face that you did not receive it." Hermione broke down, she'd never lost Rose, she'd always watched her so closely and now all she could think about was her tiny girl, lost in the Ministry and most likely afraid because she couldn't find someone she knew. Tears fell and though she tried to stop them, things hadn't been quite right since the last miscarriage and since she'd become friends with Severus again. She didn't want to see disappointment on his face._

 _"Granger, she's out cold." Hermione was facing her desk with her back to the door, her sniffling was audible. "Why are you crying?" Her pain was evident to him and he hated to feel it._

 _"I'm a terrible mother." She whispered through her tears. He gently lay Rose on Hermione's loveseat and offered her his handkerchief._

 _"Stop being insipid; we may tease you, but you are not a terrible mother."_

 _"My child disappeared; she could've been taken. Ron would never forgive me." Hermione sighed heavily, going to stand then kneel next Rose as she lay folded into herself on the loveseat._

 _"He would have understood. Are you saying Weasley has never done anything wrong concerning Rose?" He voice was light as he sat in front of her desk but turned towards Hermione and Rose, his legs and arms folded._

 _"Of course, we both have, but it always seems more frequently me. I attribute it to his childhood, always surrounded by other people and I wasn't." She played in Rose's hair, finally sitting on the floor cross-legged and finally looking at him._

 _"You're an only child?" He asked, she was sure they'd talk about this before._

 _"Yes, my parents were wonderful but they worked so often and I was left to my own devices most of the time. And though it didn't happen often, when they argued, I was left alone wondering if it was my fault because my magic manifested when I was very small. McGonagall came to visit us several times, but I still always worried that someday they'd let me go completely." Finally, the crux her problem, abandonment. It made so much sense to him, then, that she was clingy with people, a people pleaser but also commandeering at times, it was all because she wanted to be wanted. He empathized with her, that fear of abandonment was strong in him as well, his mother choosing to love a drunk over him, choosing to take her own life and sending him down a path he could never completely atone for._

 _"He would understand, easily. I was an only child, too." It felt odd, talking to her again like they had all those years ago, but pleasant, like he was finally making up for making her leave._

 _"Thanks, but he wouldn't. He thinks I am a terrible mother. I can't carry his children, I work too much, I ask too much...sorry, please watch her for a moment." Severus nodded and fought within himself not to follow her, the compulsion charm pulsed with his heartbeat, he focused on Rose, her perfect little face and a smattering of freckles on her nose, the way her hands rested her side, her tiny shoes. For a moment, he felt a pang, as though he could've been her father, this could be his six year old lying on Hermione's loveseat, though her hair wouldn't most likely be red, it would be a dark brown or even raven like his, she would have Hermione's eyes, gorgeous amber. It made him shiver, he'd hardly ever imagined himself as a father, but somehow with Rose over the year, he'd taken his protective nature, his devotion and applied those to Rose. It was easy, then, caring for her in his way, playing chess and having tea; although he still wondered if being a parent would ever be something he truly wanted, he felt that since so much of his life had changed, so many bonds broken; there was a part of him which suddenly knew he could love someone else enough to be a husband, father, something besides a spy and professor. He felt it again, bringing him from his reverie, Hermione was breaking down. Against his better wishes he sent a patronus to Weasley and waited. He almost fell asleep waiting, listening to Rose's tiny sleeping noises._

 _"Thank you, Severus." Hermione walked in with Ron and watched as he scooped Rose up, clearly he'd done this many times because she didn't stir at all. Hermione and Ron walked with Rose out to the office and down the hall. When she returned later, it was only to grab her bags and thank Severus again._

 _"Molly and Arthur are already at the house, so I have to get back. Thank you again, for everything." She gently rested her hand on his arm, where did dark mark was still fading bit by bit every year._

 _"You needn't thank me." He heard his tone, how it sounded as though he was annoyed and he wasn't. "I mean, it's not required. Rose is-"_

 _"Your friend. If anyone, I am glad you always seem to find her and me." She wanted to hug him, but she didn't know if he would be receptive to her. After a sigh, she threw her arms around him anyway and even though she'd tried to avoid it, she cried again._

 _"Thank you for understanding me, I...I'm sorry I keep thanking you, but having you as a friend again, it's just so lovely." She knew he was uncomfortable so she pulled away, but found that he was still holding her, his hands on her hips like they were about to dance, so she immediately leaned into him and hugged him tighter. Part of her didn't want to return to the townhouse, to face Ron again and his disappointment, but she knew she had to go._

 _"Tell Rose 'Happy Birthday' from Mister Sebrus." Hermione laughed, remembering how she'd said his name for the longest time, how she still did sometimes when she was sleepy. Standing on her toes, she kissed his cheek, and left, walking to the lifts and then to the floo. After she arrived at home, she saw Rose, James, and Albus running around together in the backyard and Ron and Harry whispering to each other at the kitchen sink. Her parents hadn't arrived yet, and none of the other Weasleys had either, so she knew she had a few minutes to freshen up, so she went into her bedroom and loo, splashed her face with water and reapplied a makeup charm to cover the dark circles under her eyes._

 _"You look beautiful." She heard from the door, seeing Ron standing there, his blue eyes sparkling like their wedding day, after the kiss in the Chamber of Secrets, when Rose was born._

 _"You're being kind." He moved to stand behind her, moving her hair from her shoulder and kissing the nape of her neck, up her cheekbone, across to her mouth._

 _"You know I love you, don't you?" He said suddenly, pulling her into an incredibly tight hug; she could barely breathe._

 _"Of course, I love you, too and I'm so sorry about Rose."_

 _"It's not your fault, she is curious and adventurous, our little Gryffindor. And Ol' Snape was there to save the day." Although nothing about his facial expression changed, Hermione heard something in his voice that sounded like jealousy, but she didn't mention it._

 _"Tonight, I want you." Chills ran up her spine as she hugged him, her mouth being ravaged by his. "Why not now?" She countered. "We've time." He stepped further into bathroom, closing the door behind him and lifting her onto the vanity, removing her knickers as she adjusted to the height, pulling him forward and undoing his pants but let him remove his boxers._

 _"Merlin, you're beautiful." Hermione smiled and looked down, her charm was in place, hiding all of the scars she knew graced her skin. Sometimes, even when he said sweet things, she could barely differentiate between what he loved about her as a girl and this modified version of herself. Pushing that out of her brain, she took him with her hands and for a second, reminded herself how much he loved her, even when she messed up, even when their lives weren't perfect._

 _"Get over here, Weasley." She teased, casting a silencing spell and warding the door. It was ferocious and hurried, as though they were both fighting to cover emotions they wouldn't speak allowed to each other, and when they both had come down from exhilarating highs, Hermione felt herself almost in tears again, guilt and fear enveloping her, hoping she would conceive another child this time and carry it to term, give Ron all the things she knew would make him happy, but for a second, it was brief, she thought of Severus, his hug and how that made her pulse race._


	12. Chapter 12

AN: It's been a while, sorry! I have been on vacation and the end of the school year did me in. My niece was hurt badly in an accident at church, so my editing stopped for a bit. Here is the next installment, a bit of movement in plot and some positivity...don't forget my usual warnings of character deaths, scenes of PTSD, mothering, etc. Also, I am aware that the sentencing of the leStranges and abductions seems too easy- it is. I promise there's still some major changes to come (but still a HEA for SSHg). Thank you for reading!

Chapter 12 Everything Has Changed

 _(After the final battle)_

 _Her legs felt like dead weight as she sat on the stairs leading to Gryffindor tower and though Ron's kiss still tingled on her lips, there was a pull at her navel, a gentle thrum in under her skin pulling her but she didn't know where. Without another thought, those had been plaguing her enough all day, she stood and walked almost transfixed out of the castle, passed the mourners and maimed, the hurt people desperate to get aid, through the castle doors and onto the grounds. It pulled her like the beginnings of portkey, an invisible tether beckoning her on and on until she found herself in the tunnel leading to the Shrieking Shack and remembered with sudden pain and anger that Voldemort had killed Snape. Somehow, even without Harry's testimony to the opposite, Hermione had believed Snape innocent of malice towards Dumbledore. Like a beacon, like a knowledge that she'd somehow known all along, Hermione's mind travelled her experience with Snape; to be sure he'd been a bully, he'd picked on them worse than any Slytherin, he'd targeted them as though they'd personally harmed him yet there was a tragedy to his ministrations. When Hermione found him on the floor of the shack, blood pooled and congealed around him she instantly fell in tears, her heart and mind in competition for her next move. His face showed no pain, his skin was cool to touch but as her tears fell, as her magic washed over him she felt the faint drumming of his heart, a subtle cadence to his life and without pause she searched his pockets, she found vials of liquid and a bezoar, but she was so unsure how best to help him. Without thinking, she poured the contents of one vial down his throat, it reminded her most of the antivenin they'd given Arthur Weasley after his attack in the Department of Mysteries, but the liquid dripped slowly from the wound in his neck, prompting her to use her right hand, inserting her fingers as a plug and dumping the next one, then another until she felt his pulse quicken, his eyes flashed open and she could see his anger, his surprise; with what little strength he had, he pushed into her mind and yelled at her, showed her images of mercy and begged for death. Yet, Hermione could not let him die, she wanted him exonerated, she wanted everyone to know what he'd sacrificed to save them so she pushed him from her mind, desperate to stop the tirade he'd started, she closed her eyes and shoved the bezoar in his mouth, rudimentary healing the gashes at his neck and sending her patronus to the castle. Her own wounds seeped with blood as she cast spells over him, trying to calm his adrenaline and help restore feeling throughout his body, but it was unsuccessful, everything she'd done seemed like half-measures, so she made him light, she pulled him into her arms and slowly carried him from the Shrieking Shack like Hagrid had carried Harry from the Dark Forest- both still alive but barely._

 _When she saw the steps to the castle, she wasn't sure she'd make it, certainly not if her wand skills didn't hold. Although it took far more steps than she'd anticipated, going all the way to the infirmary, and she'd passed many people who gave her looks of disdain or curiosity, she kept moving; she was called, her blood and body pulled to him and though she could not explain it even if she tried, she had to save Severus Snape. It simply wouldn't do if she stopped, each time she attempted to take a rest, something spurred her on and she continued climbing until finally at the infirmary doors, she spotted Madame Pomfrey and Professor Flitwick, looking to her immediately in surprise and confusion, neither spoke at first, simply came to her aid and helped Severus Snape to a bed, casting charms and spells to determine how best to keep him steady, but finding that Hermione had done everything she possibly could to bring him back._

 _"How did you know he was still alive?" Madame Pomfrey asked, looking to the young, innocent girl who seemed far too invested in her former potions professor, but finding just that in her eyes, innocence._

 _"I don't know, I just went to the shack...I found him, I…" But the tears took Hermione's words as she watched them, removing his robes and casting them aside as though they weren't the thick wool he always seemed to wear but feathery light cotton, his chest bared for the entire wing to see, Hermione covered her eyes, it was black. It was charred, like he'd been burnt alive and though she couldn't fathom what could possibly have done it, she suddenly couldn't look away. Drawn further and further into his presence again, she touched his hipbone, the base of the dark matter and whispered an incantation, one she'd never heard before or spoken, and the blackness started to disperse, it disappeared as though she was Merlin himself bringing the sword from the stone and knighting a new lord._

 _"Miss Granger, how are you doing this?" But she was in a trance, she didn't know how she was doing these things or why, she simply couldn't turn away from him. Moving to his face again, she put her hands on either side of his cheeks, his cheek bones digging into her hands like some dagger and she continued to whisper, possessed by something she couldn't explain._

 _"It appears she's made a soul connection or something has, Poppy, I couldn't help now if I tried." Professor Flitwick stepped back and went to the storeroom, gathering the remainder of the supplies they would need should Hermione's odd incantations fail, and when he returned, the girl was on the floor, completely lifeless as Madame Pomfrey tried to move her to a bed. Charlie and Ronald Weasley came from the hallway and upon seeing Hermione, ran to her side and lifted her where Madame Pomfrey directed._

 _When Hermione awoke two days later, she had no recollection of helping Severus Snape aside from finding him and bringing him to the castle, her own wounds were tended though she'd received a stern lecture from the mediwitch about tending her old wounds and leaving the infirmary to avoid infection, Hermione couldn't help but see her world in disarray, so she stayed. She assisted Madame Pomfrey for months, aiding everyone who came through the medical ward, focusing without her own cognition on Severus Snape when she cold, but finding that no matter how much she wanted to help him, he was determined to suffer. There were times late in the night, when his eyes finally opened and she felt his ire, that her mind steeled against him and her natural and unexplainable healing took over, as though she too were some horcrux, possessed by something otherworldly and she couldn't stop herself. When he finally rested, she trained her mind in legilimency and occlumency, working with Professor Flitwick and Professor Dumbledore's portrait to ensure she could communicate with Snape when he was finally completely cognizant. It happened weeks later, when he entered her mind without really trying to ask for water and making her heart skip several beats._

 _"Do you still hate me, Professor?" She whispered, bringing the glass to his bedside, a straw bent near him as his dark, fathomless eyes searched hers and she asked him again, but this time silently. He shook his head, but she could see the beginning of tears, as though suddenly he realized again that he hadn't crossed the veil, that she'd brought him back from the brink of death like he'd promised he could do in their first potions lesson._

 _"You were alive when I found you; I don't know what made me go out there, but I don't regret it...urm...you have another chance at a free life." Hermione knew she sounded ridiculous, but she needed him to try, otherwise everything she'd done had been in vain. "Professor, please don't hate me, please…something happened, I had no choice." Her mind was invaded and the words he said made her step back, made her move herself as far away from his bedside as possible. Vile, hateful words filled her mind and ended in a slurry of words, 'There is always a choice.' Teary eyes met his, misty themselves, and she left the water. She returned in the morning and found him asleep, her mind repeating the same words over and over, 'Please don't hate me. Please, don't hate me...please…'_

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

The first few weeks in York were torture, she trained her mind against him and found herself emotionally void, feeling almost nothing for anyone or anything...then it was as though a great deluge opened and Hermione could suddenly feel again, but with knowledge she hadn't been able to tap into when she was still in Grimmauld Place with Severus. Though she knew he could still sense her emotions and worried that her shifting deluge would mean he'd come to York, he never did. She still believed her words on most days, that they would do nothing but hurt each other until things could truly be sorted, if ever, but she missed him. It had been years since they'd spent time apart purposefully, aside from when Kingsley Shacklebolt sent him purposely on a goose chase for the LeStranges. Hermione knew it had all been too easy, finding them, taking them, but when she searched her mind for more answers about what had happened to her family, she found none. And she knew the trials would be a joke, that something else was going on even if she couldn't quite pinpoint what it was. Instead of focusing on her pain and the vacuum of questions she still had, she focused on her girls, on getting to know her parents again, on fixing her own heart and mind and accepting that her family was gone regardless of what had taken them.

It wasn't until the end of May that the trials were held and Hermione knew the first time she saw Severus again would be awkward, but it hadn't been. He acted as he almost always did, aloof and stern and she was pleasant but not overly so; they met outside the courtroom and Seamus briefed her. It was odd to be so close to him, the distance of two months was far more than time, but the way she felt about him hadn't changed at all, even though she'd been so angry with him about the comments regarding the blonde woman she'd seen him with on his birthday, she couldn't help but let her heart be happy that he was so near.

"There isn't a chance they won't be convicted, but you need to be prepared for that possibility. Reynaldo is claiming insanity and persuasion." Hermione rolled her eyes, then tucked a curl behind her ear, her hair had grown out a bit, but she still liked it short. She greeted Severus with a handshake and as soon as their fingers touched, it felt like electricity sparked and she immediately wondered if it was the charm that connected them, but when she looked into his eyes, she saw the same longing she felt when she thought of him. And a spark of something else, a sudden memory that she couldn't quite place.

"Fine."she replied, preparing herself for a long trial. But it seemed as though Hermione blinked and it was over. They both admitted guilt, were sentenced and then both kissed by the dementors in less than two hours. Leaving the courtroom visibly shaken, Hermione found Lucius with Charlie and the girls, who were now eight almost nine months old and far more mobile than they'd been the last time Severus had seen them. It all felt too easy, like getting them to admit guilt came too quickly. It didn't sit right with her at all, but as she saw her girls, she lost her worry.

"What a treat!" Hermione reached for Winnie, kissing both girls and then Charlie and Lucius' cheeks, noticing that the entire Weasley clan, well the adults, were convened in the portico.

"We won; they're gone." Bill and George exchanged a look and then hugged their sister-in-law, Angelina and Fleur both eventually hugged their husbands and then out of nowhere, Percy appeared and shook her hand, but it shook a bit as he did, she chalked it up to nerves over the case. Still, her heart felt ill upon letting his hand go, seeing Kingsley Shacklebolt move quickly from the crowd and disappear in a crack. She tried not to think on it, but couldn't help but feel uneasy.

"I think it would be good to convene at Hogwarts. Sinistra has given us permission to collect the children and have a family meal and visit the graves." Bill announced. They all agreed, but as Hermione turned to leave, Lily shrieked.

"What's wrong, poppet?" Hermione looked over her shoulder and saw Severus standing near the edge of the group, he and Seamus in conversation which halted as soon as they heard the tiny girl squeal. "Oh, you want to see Severus." Turning in her arms, Lily fought to get down but Hermione simply walked her over to him and handed her over. One finger on her mouth, Lily immediately snuggled against him and quietly, as though she wanted no one to hear her, she said, "Seb." And then repeated it over and over until even Hermione was convinced she was trying to say his name and then, as if on cue, Winnie started as well.

"Well, you're officially their second word." She met his gaze for a moment and then turned to lily, whose gorgeous strawberry hair bounced with her as she reached for Severus. They were as charmed by him as she was, even though there were times when she couldn't fathom why.

"I guess this means they missed you." Lucius teased, but Hermione knew they had missed him, he was calming presence when she lost her way and though it had been over two months since they'd seen him, he'd been there since birth and before for Winnie.

"Come, we need to get to Hogwarts." Hermione dropped her shields for a moment and reached for Lily and then Winnie, but he held her tightly. "I'll apparate with her." Hermione simply nodded and followed her family from the courts to the apparition point and the long walk from Hogsmeade to Hogwarts. It was odd to see him, holding her daughter as though everything between them was normal. She didn't quite know how she felt about him sometimes, or if she was being too emotional about the entire thing and should've just told him to stuff it, either way, she missed him, too and wished she could reach for him with the same tenacity her girls did.

After an early tea in Hogsmeade, they walked back to the castle and went to the graves, each enjoying private time with the deceased, and though Hermione had seen worse things, knowing the men who'd taken these men from her still gave no explanation, no matter how the question was asked, they just fed the same lines of revenge.

"Seb." Lily's tiny voice broke Hermione's concentration as she sat with Ron and talked. Winnie was gently resting on a blanket Hermione had spread out for them; Hermione rubbed her back as she lay looking over at Lily and Severus, slowly closing her eyes.

"I'll take her." Hermione whispered, reaching for her strawberry girl but Severus simply sat on the blanket and set her down and as though he'd cast a spell, she lay down exactly like Winnie but held Severus' finger in her hand, like she had as a tiny baby. Suddenly, Hermione felt herself summon courage she seemed to only possess at Hogwarts.

"I have something I need to confess." She said after several minutes passed in silence. He seemed open to conversation so she decided to tell him everything.

"Yes?" She felt the tension, the heat of fear emanating from him and considered leaving her thoughts to herself, but knew if she did she'd never fix their relationship. His sudden shift in emotion worried her, but she continued nonetheless.

"When I found out about the charms placed on you, they changed. I don't know if the Wizengamot intended this, but I started feeling, urm sensing, your emotions as well, and the night at the Moulin Rouge, I knew it was you because I read your emotions, like your magical signature is a song and I can hear it, if that makes sense." Making sure Lily was completely out, Hermione sighed and added, "I was disgusted with myself because for a long time, longer than I probably even know, I've felt more than friendship for you and that night, everything that happened that night, I did it because I knew you were there and I wanted you. I felt disgusted with myself because my husband had been dead only six months and there I was, lusting after you and I worried for a moment that the lust potion was making me feel that way, so I left and thought being in York would make me feel differently, but it didn't disappear. I don't know if it ever really has, since I was nineteen years old." She heard his breath catch then she felt it, his hand grasped hers and immediately, he pulled both of them onto his lap. It felt like years before, in the infirmary when she'd been called to his side so many times by an invisible force she sometimes forgot even existed.

"I didn't know that was the case."

"What do you mean?" Hermione's hands were cold but were starting to warm in his and she wondered for a moment if the girls were cold. The older children had gone to see Hagrid and everyone else had dispersed, so it was just she and Severus and two almost toddlers.

"That you were sensing my emotions as well." Rubbing her knuckles under his thumb, Severus tried not to stare at her too much, to meet her gaze and find himself completely lost.

"I noticed it before that night, though and I should've said something but this last year has been tenuous enough, I didn't want you to suddenly have to worry about your own emotions." They both sighed and she took one of her hands back to cover Lily and Winnie with a flannel, feeling both of their tiny foreheads and noting that Winnie seemed flushed.

"So you did know about my feelings for you, then?" Through her lashes she looked at him, he reached over and tucked a curl behind her ear, agreeing silently with Charlie that her lashes were the first thing he saw when he looked at her.

"I didn't, as it were. Not to say that I haven't noticed certain feelings, but you have been quite emotional overall; I certainly didn't anticipate the same response as the one I received when you left Hogwarts." She scowled at him momentarily, then agreed with him.

"I've wanted to say something, but I also know that with things the way they are...and though my feelings are what they are, I don't know exactly what I expect or want, or what you want, admitting how I feel about you is something I had to do before I could go back to Grimmauld Place, to work, to seeing you again because if I don't, I will explode. And if you don't feel the same way about me, I understand, I just couldn't keep playing this game." His fingers laced between hers again, like they had that night in the kitchen and the tether was still there.

"How about we just talk, we seem to be doing well with that right now, at least. I think you are wrong, by the way, we won't destroy each other." He was teasing her and the smile it brought to her face made it worth the effort, pushing him from his comfort seemed as though he didn't want to talk about specifics, but wasn't disinclined to her affections. "What was their first word?"

"Huh?"

"You said earlier I was their second word, what was their first?" Hermione took her free hand and ran it over Winnie's hair, then Lily's.

"It was 'Mum', both of them on the same day and Alby thought it was hilarious. I guess they heard me saying it quite a lot when Mum and Dad were able to come to York, and so it was Winnie first, she was screaming for me across the yard because Alby was flying and I guess it scared her and then Lily followed soon after. Their little voices are so precious...I sound like one of those mums, I know, but it's been a good few months seeing their personalities grow." Her face fell thinking about the LeStranges, how they'd taken so many from her and she hated that she was sitting in a graveyard instead of enjoying a nice dinner at home with her family.

"This ending must be a relief."

"I didn't think they were going to admit guilt, it certainly gives us closure, even if the loss is something I don't think the kids have really accepted. I wish, though, they'd said why; revenge alone is vague without explanation. " Tugging at her hand slightly with his, Severus tried to search her emotions, but found nothing.

"I don't think they were ever going to admit their motives." Severus looked across the lake as she over the girls again, trying to see if Winnie was any warmer. "And you think you have?"

"Have what?" Hermione felt like she kept losing the conversation.

"Accepted that your husband, family are gone." He needed her to say yes because it was almost beyond him to stop himself if she didn't. If she was still in denial, he would walk away and let her have all the time in the world to figure her grief out.

"Yes, it still hurts but that doesn't mean my life has to stop." He was surprised by the distinct change in her, the sense of calm she had and how her entire being felt eased.

"I'm being transferred, you know I wrote about it in my note to you. I think a change of scenery would do me well for a while. Kingsley is making me a diplomat." His eyebrow quirked.

"Severus, you know that things are different now. You were right, I need to be a mother and I need to sort my life; I want a job that I don't have to put above a spouse or these girls." Nibbling her lip as she did whenever she was nervous, Hermione squeezed his hand and thought more about the fact that she was holding his hand, next to her dead husband's grave, and she didn't feel as guilty as she would have months before, but it still felt odd.

"Where is he sending you?" She felt him want to pull away but stopping before he did, and instead taking her other hand again as well.

"Dublin and perhaps Florence every now and then. I can bring the girls to work because the consulate has childcare and even then, my hours are what I make them. I'll have a flat in Dublin, but I'm not moving until September."

"September?" He could barely find more than one word at a time; why did it always seem they were on separate paths, only converging when it was least appropriate?

"Yes, after Alby goes to Hogwarts so he can have a summer with his siblings and some normalcy. And I have things I need to do as well before I move." They both turned as Lily stirred a bit then calmed, her tiny sighs making Hermione smile again.

"You do?"

"Yes, I never got to take you to dinner for your birthday." He almost smiled, but simply pulled her closer instead.

"Look, I know we have a lot to talk about and that being with me is far more complicated than being with other women- I mean five children and a house that's too big and not to mention the PTSD, but I'm unwilling to leave today without at least admitting I don't want my life to be void of you, unless that is what you want. After I had many, many conversations with Lucius, it was quite clear to me that I'd been wrong about so many things, things I didn't understand. And I judged you, I was so jealous.I know we lashed out at each other, frequently, but I also think most of that was motivated by my guilt and fear that once again I was falling for you and you didn't care for me. It was Hogwarts all over again in my mind." She felt his grip tighten and when she looked to him, she felt his own jealousy.

"We do have much to discuss and knowing you, there will be multiple occasions where this must occur, but I am amiable if you are." She could feel his remorse but then, like a lasso, she felt his hope envelope her.

"Even if it takes me a while to really accept that you really feel this way?"

"Even if it takes you a lifetime, I don't plan on seeing anyone else." Her eyebrows scrunched at his words.

"Even with five children?" It was his turn to make a face. The idea of helping raise Potter children didn't make him particularly happy, but he really had nothing against Albus or Lily, and he knew James would grow on him over time.

"Even with Potter's children."

"My children." They both looked over to the girls, their little hands resting on each other, as they had as newborns.

"These two aren't so bad."

"Yes, you're right, these two have had the influence of two convicted murderers, a gay uncle, a bookish brother, ministry employees and one crazy mother." For a moment she didn't quite know how he would take her words, but instead of doing what she feared he'd do, what he might've done months before, he let go of her hands and smoothed all of her hair behind her ears.

"Especially the crazy mother."

"Slowly, Severus, you might overwhelm me. Speaking of which, Kingsley has agreed to remove the compulsion and give you immediate parole at time served." For several long seconds she watched and felt as he went through many emotions, overwhelming her as she thought he would.

"I don't think this could ever work before you are free; I will constantly worry, as I had for months, that every one of my emotions was driving you crazy or that the only reason you come to me is through some invisible force-field."

"Hermione, he removed the compulsion charm when he sent me away in October. " Hermione was flabbergasted; she couldn't believe Kingsley would let her think he was giving her some major boon.

"Really? That rascal making me think he was actually doing me a favor." She took a deep breath and contemplated their lives since October, how he'd reacted and appeared much the same as though he was compelled, and felt for a moment that he had to care for her to put himself through such torture.

"Yes, all I've done since then has been of my own accord. I still sense your emotions, and greatly at that, but there is no required heroics.i was compelled completely of my own volition." Taking out her wand, Hermione aimed it at him.

"Why didn't you tell me?" There was fear and resolution in her voice as her wand pointed at him.

"Are you going to hex me?" He was teasing again but Hermione felt the situation was a bit less laughable.

"No, I know the reversal spell and I can cast it as the object of the charm. Do you want me to?" They stared at each other for a moment and Severus contemplated her words as his eyes narrowed at her.

"Not right now."

"Are you sure?" Hermione tucked her wand back up her sleeve and sized him up; it felt good to be able to touch him, see him and not worry so much.

"Not until things are different."

"What things? You're being vague." He laced both of their hands together for a moment, the intensity of his gaze warmed her heart.

"If you'll be in Dublin, I'd like to know you are safe."

"You want to know I'm safe? When I'm in Dublin?" She tugged him a little pulling him close as she spoke, wishing he would kiss her but knowing it was too soon for those affections.

"Does that mean you won't visit me?" He didn't miss a beat nor pause as he posed a question directly back to her.

"Does that mean I'm welcome?" And as with many conversations they'd had over the years, they were dancing around the subject instead of talking directly. Hermione decided she was weary of not being forward.

"Look, I want something more with you however it happens or we define it, so that means you are welcome at Grimmauld Place, Dublin, wherever I happen to be. The question is, what do you want because I don't want to assume because you're holding my hands right now that you'll want to visit us in Dublin or Florence. Who knows where I'll be sent when we get a new Minister for Magic. And, honestly, I can't bear to walk into a restaurant and see you with another woman, unless you tell me right now that it is what you prefer. I adore your friendship and I'd be a great friend to you still, but I want more than that." Looking away for a moment, she stared at the girls still sleeping and wondered when the older kids would return and somewhat terrified she was reading more into his words, his body language and what she could sense on the surface of his emotions, he was as pensive as she was.

"You know it isn't easy for me to express myself, I'm more likely to show you how I feel than say it but I can see that you need my words. I do not want to rush anything with you; I've felt far more than friendship for you for longer than you can imagine but it was not appropriate and I would never have pursued you and even now, I want you to be sure you are comfortable and ready. I am perfectly happy being your friend and helping you through the grief if you need me, but it's more difficult knowing how you feel." She noticed he didn't mention the event in the restaurant, but it was probably for the best, even if she still felt jealous. Several minutes passed before she finally took a deep breath and looked at him.

"I do not want to rush anything, I don't want to make the same mistakes I made with Ron. You deserve love and devotion, we both do and as nothing in this life is guaranteed, I want to give you those things . The greatest thing I've learned from all this is cliche I'm sure, but everyday is a gift and I want to spend days with you and my family, because you feel like my family. And I may not be completely ready for everything, but I just can't keep fighting my feelings for you." Severus was at a loss for words, he couldn't believe her candor but sensing her emotions, he knew that above all the legitimacy of her faith, the seriousness and truth in her words surprised him after months of dancing around their mutual attraction. As he was about to make his own feelings perfectly plain, Winnie woke and looked between them hurriedly, smiling immediately upon seeing her mother and chanting ,"Mum", over and over until she finally sat up and reached for Severus, crawling quickly into his lap, her tiny hand touching his face then her chubby little arms encircled his neck.

"Seb...Seb." She kissed his cheek with slobbery kisses and snuggled into his arms.

"It seems your daughter has placed her claim, Madam Granger." Hermione smiled towards them, her smallest girl wrapped delicately in the arms of a man she would no doubt love, as though she hadn't for the years since she'd left Hogwarts, and yet, looking at her daughter, she saw Ron's eyes, his gentle, sloppy grin as he made a ridiculous joke and she wondered how he would feel about another man being so influential in their daughter's lives.

"Your face is suddenly solemn." Severus watched her as Lily awoke and clamoured for his lap, both girls had obviously missed him.

"How serious are you in this, with me, with us? I don't want…"but before she could even finish her sentence Severus grasped her hand, difficult as it was with two babies on his lap, climbing him as if a tree.

"Are you worried I am going to disappear?" He asked, both girls finally settling on his lap and holding onto his hands.

"Yes, if I'm being honest, I am. I guess I'm getting ahead of myself. You've pushed me away before and it took me this long to realize how I felt. I don't want you to push me away again." She worried he'd be gone, that he'd see the weight and difficulty of having five children and the other issues facing her as time passed, helping the older children struggle through their loss. But she never got his side of things, his words interrupted twice, yet she knew they would talk later and she tried to quell her anxiety.

"Mum! Our uncles are leaving." Turning quickly, she found Rose and Albus running towards them. Her face lit in surprise and immediately she stood and hugged her daughter, kissing her cheeks.

"Mister Severus, will you walk with us to the gates?" Rose took Winnie from his lap and then Albus took Lily, leaving Hermione to shrink everything back into her bag and follow them, watching as they walked from the Black Lake to the gates, wishing she could take Rose and James with her as they left.

"Promise you'll study but take breaks, okay and we'll see you at Kings Cross in two weeks, alright love?" Hermione pulled Rose in tight, then James and kissed them both. "I love you both, now make us proud on your exams and we'll see you soon." Taking Winnie from Rose's arms, she wrapped her in a modified carrier and waved as Rose and James ran back to the school with their cousins. Taking Lily and putting her in the same carries except on her back, she stepped beyond the gates and ruffled Albus' hair before looking to her brother's-in-law and then Severus.

"To Grimmauld place, Kreacher promised a ham." She reached for Severus's hand, felt his arms envelope her and the girls, transporting them safely to the steps of the old house she hadn't been in for months and found it immediately jarring when he let go.

"Albus,you have classes tomorrow so go ahead and get your bag ready, wash your hands and come eat." He hugged her tightly and ran up the stairs.

"Your mum sent these over from York, apparently you accidentally left them." Charlie laughed. It was a stack of letters that made Hermione immediately turn pink as she removed the girls from their new carriers and placed them on the ground, bordered by magic with a few toys and blankets. Taking the letters, she went into her room and immediately cast several cleaning charms, noting that Kreacher had at least changed the bedding.

"Love letters?" She heard from the doorway, Severus watching her take her robes off finding her in a simple dress of light blue, fitting her perfectly as though she'd never had two children. He thought her too thin, but knew better than to say anything to her.

"Of a sort...letters to you I never sent. Perhaps someday I'll give them to you; they're drivel, I'm sure." Slowly, he left the door and walked to her side.

"I'm sure I'd like to read them." His hand rested on top of the stack and then moved to her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes, though he could feel intensely her nervousness.

"Be patient, I don't think you're quite ready for them." On her toes, she kissed the corner of his mouth and then walked out of her room to see the girls still playing on the floor watched by Charlie and Lucius, her constant companions. Though she wished he would stay, Lucius excused himself and went back to York.

"Let's get some late dinner, or we'll all wake with rumbly tummies tomorrow." Hermione reached for both girls and took them to the dining room and in their magical chairs they waited for their meal, tiny chipped pieces of ham and potatoes which Hermione fed them, happy to be back at Grimmauld Place and surrounded again by family and free of the threat of the LeStranges, though there was still the niggling question of why, which she assumed would never be answered. Although it weighed on her mind, that doubt making her fear that she would never let it go, as she helped Lily eat her potatoes, she felt hope.

"When do you start your new job?" Percy asked,reaching for bread and slathering so much butter Hermione wondered if he was nervous, he was twitchy, acting oddly even for him.

"September, after Albus goes to Hogwarts and…" Before she could finish her thought, Percy was already asking more questions, so many she lost track and felt her anxiety rising.

"Percy, please, we can talk about this at a later date." Charlie interrupted.

"I'm just curious, we see the children so rarely as it is," Hermione almost hexed him but felt her hand being held by Severus'.

"You may see them whenever you'd like. Aside from when they're at Hogwarts you can see the older ones on break, and the younger ones have been available daily since they were born." Bill and Fleur both nodded in agreement, as George and Angelina stood to leave.

"You're a real prat, Perce, as usual. You can't let the family have one evening of respite without ruining it." George threw his napkin down and took Angelina's hand before walking through the front door, soon everyone else followed aside from Charlie and Severus.

"Have I really kept them hidden?" Hermione asked, unsure of herself as a mother, as she'd always been.

"No, if he'd wanted to visit in York, he could've. We all could've." Charlie purposely jibed Severus with that, but knew that Hermione and he had communicated very little if at all and instigating a fight would help no one.

"I wish Lucius was here, he would've put him in his place. Maybe he wants my old job." Hermione laughed, wiping both girls' face before taking them both to the bath. Wishing Lucius had stayed and not gone back to York to retrieve some items before returning.

"Dirty little princesses." Lily splashed the water a bit while Winnie stared up at Hermione like it had been days since she'd seen her, always inquisitive and curious, taking in every moment before reacting. Whereas her sweet Lily enjoyed every moment and reacted later, so extroverted and lively, she was much more like her Uncles Fred and George. She was immensely thankful for magic and the safety it provided in bath time.

"Need a hand?" Charlie came through with fresh linens then sat on the toilet and watched. She noticed him looking towards the girls with an expression she couldn't quite place.

"Don't you want one of these someday?"

"Oh, I get to pick...hmmm that's pretty hard especially since they said "Seb" before Charlie." Hermione splashed him a bit then drained the tub, handing Winnie to him to be toweled off, the routine they'd had for a few weeks.

"Who loves Uncle Charlie?" Winnie giggled as he bounced her a bit, then put on a new nappy and pajamas with footies.

"Seriously, though, when are you going to ask your beau to be more exclusive? I know that's what you want even if you pretend you don't." Hermione watched Charlie's face contort a bit then fall, as though the idea of becoming more serious with Billy Mackleroy was not in his future. "What's happened?" They switched girls.

"He was less than understanding about the Moulin Rouge incident...I felt I had to tell him, you know, and he didn't understand, even with full knowledge of lust potions." Hermione rubbed circles on Winnie's back helping her calm before sleep but found she was as anxious as her uncle seemed. She watched as he put Lily in her nappy and footie pajamas, then as he snuggled her she quickly fell asleep, so he slowly put her in the cot and then turned to Hermione.

"I'm so sorry, I had no idea." Hermione remarked, reaching for him she placed her hand on his stomach, but he seemed far more distraught by the sensation.

"It isn't your fault, I guess his ability to reason and empathize was far beyond his pay grade. I have spent a great deal of time here and at York, I'm sure that makes him wonder and worry." Although he appeared to be joking, Hermione could tell that Charlie was far more upset than he was letting on.

"Don't give up on him, I'm sure from the outside it does look far worse than it was...he should know that your devotion to him didn't waver." Charlie sighed as Hermione circled the room with Winnie trying to calm her.

"I'll leave you to it, I know sometimes she feeds off emotions." Charlie dipped to kiss Winnie's curly head and then Hermione's cheek, forcing her to admit that her own behavior hadn't helped the situation for Charlie, though she had ultimately pushed him away, she hadn't exactly hated what happened because it had forced her to admit she had feelings for Severus, even if they made her feel guilty. Though it had been weeks since Winnie tried to nurse, Hermione attempted it since she was so fussy and found Winnie calm almost immediately. Minutes passed in quiet, Lily already asleep and cozy in their expanded cot, Hermione began to hum lightly as Winnie stared into her eyes. Although she'd still been pumping frequently, the girls had weaned themselves mostly so nursing time had practically disappeared and Hermione suddenly realized how much she'd missed being so connected to her girls.

"Someone feeling poorly?" Severus was at the door and though the compulsion was gone, she was sure he had felt her pain for Charlie and worry about Winnie being fussy.

"Yes, she's been acting strangely all evening, she barely ate earlier and slept most of the day. Maybe new teeth? I don't know, I can't always predict what's going on with her in comparison to Lily, they're so different sometimes." Severus stepped from the doorway into the room, closing the door behind him, opening the one to her room and allowing the breeze from Hermione's window waft in.

"Hermione, earlier, I was going to say…" But Lily suddenly sat up and cried, forcing Severus to her side. "I guess I'll never finish that sentence." When Winnie finally fell asleep, Hermione switched off with Severus, Lily feeling a bit warm herself and tried to nurse her.

"I just need to know if you are ...willing, umm desirous, I guess to pursue something with me, that's more than just a passing fancy?" Severus' eyes immediately flashed to hers and she felt it again, the hope, it flowed over her like wind through the window in her room.

"Can you doubt me; imagine this exact scenario when you were my student, me with a child in my arms, soothing her and letting them both crawl all over me. Honestly, I have no idea how to do this with you, with these girls and their siblings, and the fact that you would even consider me as an adequate influence in their lives…"

"Whether you're my friend or more, I believe you are a wonderful influence for them. Besides, they need a sarcastic Seb to counter their awful Uncle Percy and silly Uncles George and Charlie." Hermione giggled as he rolled his eyes like a teenager, resting Winnie against his chest, she looked so small in his arms, like she'd just been born.

"I've tried to say this all day, I do not want to rush or push you into something you aren't ready for, and I'm willing to wait for you, I have for years. I pushed you from the infirmary, from my lab all those years ago because I realized you were a woman, a woman who enjoyed my company and it was so soon after the final battle, you'd saved my life...I felt confused, so like you going to York, I scheduled your NEWT, and hoped that it, those feelings, would disappear, and it did for a time, I was able to manufacture feelings of friendship, obviously I'm good at that, but when the Wizengamot said I had to choose, I chose you...I wanted to repay the life debt I owed and protect you, I didn't intend on those feelings to change, intensify, and certainly not for you to feel the same way. I just wanted to ensure you were safe, you'd been through enough and so had I." He'd turned from her, placing Winnie in the cot and turning back to her, Hermione couldn't believe all he was saying. "There were moments I let myself indulge, I shouldn't have, but you make it so difficult to deny you, even when you're being impossible." Hermione kissed Lily's forehead and felt her temperature normalizing, then looked to Severus who was standing next to the cot, as vulnerable as she'd ever seen him aside from the time she'd helped care for him in the infirmary.

"Am I impossible?" She joked, repositioning Lily a bit to push a blanket under her arm and watched him as he watched her.

"Yes, impertinent and exacting, I've never known anyone quite like you and that's what makes me…" Their eyes met; she saw everything in him at once, hope, desire, fear and wondered what he might say.

"I care for you, I have cared for you." He finally said, when Lily was finally out, he took her as Hermione adjusted and walked with him into her room, they sat together on her settee.

"I was selfish in choosing you, I know it and now you know it. It kept me close to you, though there were times when it was torturous for many reasons, I kept you safe. I only wish I could've kept the others safe." She nestled herself against him, his chest a perfect resting place for her tired mind.

"There is nothing either of us could've done, if I've learned nothing else it's that." Hermione had spent her time in York working through serious guilt and acceptance, talking with Charlie and Lucius often and even a muggle therapist who she planned to continue seeing until she moved to Ireland, and all of that had helped her move on, accept her feelings for Severus weren't simply a byproduct of her grief and allow herself to enjoy his company.

"You've really fancied me all these years?" She whispered, toying with the button of his dapper navy shirt as she then chanced a look at him; he was looking at the door to the nursery as though it were a portal to their future.

"Mostly, devotion and dedication are my strong points, as you know, but so is denial. When you married Weasley, I tried to replace you, I guess, though I was unsuccessful with longevity." He gently pulled her hand into his and though she knew she had no right, she felt jealous of the woman or women he pursued. Suddenly, she thought of the blonde in the restaurant in Hogsmeade and her heart raced, beating rapidly beneath her ribs.

"I was jealous of your husband, as well...especially when I knew you had moments of unhappiness." He added. Hermione tried not to think of those few bad moments, truly Ron had grown to be a good husband and she a good wife, but there were ways they were ill-suited, she'd admitted as much plenty of times.

"You've seen me, well most of me I don't really know how closely you were looking the night of the Moulin Rouge, and sadly most of Ron's issues, and therefore mine, stemmed from my scars. My inability to feel desirable and his to find me desirable when we were intimate made things difficult in our early years, how we conceived Rose at all is a wonder, and then losing the two boys. My job, well you remember the fiasco of me asking him to quit. It all seemed easy for him, moving on from the war, the year hunting horcruxes, but it wasn't easy for me, and the side effects of the slicing hex and cruciatus, you know...But, you know for all his shortcomings, and mine too, I think we had a good marriage. I wasn't the same girl I'd been, he would say, because I guess he was able to bury everything we'd experienced deeply within him and I couldn't, especially since I had stayed at Hogwarts. I'll never regret marrying him, but there are things I'd do differently, though if I marry again." Severus caressed the back of her hand with his thumb, gently plying her fingers apart to insinuate his, resting both of their hands on his chest.

"Such as?"

"I'd certainly never hide from my husband again. I understand that scars are distracting and can lead to unsettling thoughts, but my body has carried babies and fed three, I don't want to hide anymore. And I would try to slow down, take work in stride and give more than I take. I see my children, I see how much they need of me and I know my heart continues to grow. I don't want to sacrifice relationships for work, avoiding things simply to fill a void that shouldn't exist. I want a true partner." She didn't quite know how to say that if they ended up together, that she wanted him to always know how much she cared, that the life they would build together would be rich and lovely, filled with hope and the optimism they'd both lost sight of for many years. She knew they were speaking of heavy things, things that in any other relationship would take months, but she didn't want to enter into any agreement with anyone without being clear that her children, all five of them, would be the center of her life and that any spouse who entered into their lives would have to love them as well. Suddenly her courage surged and she asked what she'd wanted since she first knew she cared for him.

"Do you think you could ever love us?" Hermione asked tenuously, pulling from his grasp completely. "Because I can tell you now that this will never be easy, the older ones will always carry a weight the younger two won't know, and those little girls will only know you, and only Harry and Ron through stories and pictures. I just don't even want to consider this at all if you think you could never love us, be devoted to us as we need and you need, as a real family. I know it's asking a lot, we haven't even seen each other in months, but...Severus…" Her fingers traced his jaw, his cheekbones, the curve of his hairline before she dropped her hand and folded it with her other one in her lap, waiting.

"It is a lot to consider at this juncture, but I understand why you are asking. You have responsibilities to your family and considerations that must be made before embarking on a relationship." It suddenly felt to Hermione like she'd said too much, like she'd assumed far more than she should've and couldn't fathom him saying no. Before she could process her thoughts, tears formed and began to fall; it had been weeks since she cried over something like this.

"I understand it's a lot to ask of anyone, especially you who've already given so much and three of these children belong to a practical demigod in the Wizarding world. And it's, well, early, there are things we still don't know about each other, I guess I…" But words failed her as he finally noticed her tears.

"Why are you crying?"

"Well, it's been an emotional day, for one and for another, I've just laid my soul out to you, everything I feel, I've felt and it's too much, isn't it." She stood and went immediately to the loo to dry her eyes, to calm herself but for once, not to berate herself for being honest. She knew Severus cared for her, that would be enough for now. Splashing her face with cool water, she didn't feel him cross the threshold nor notice his presence until she looked up, drying her face as she did. It really had been a long, arduous day and she simply didn't know how to do things by halves. She didn't want to compete with a ghost, with a beautiful blonde in a restaurant who seemingly had no baggage, with the pain of their mutual past, but Hermione found her heart heavy and fearful now that she'd said all the things she'd wanted to say to him for years.

"You needn't hide from me in the loo." Putting his arm around her and resting it on her collarbone, he watched in rapt patience as her countenance shifted, changing once more as he brought his other hand to her hair, smoothing the side she'd freshly cut again, remembering how soft and pliable her curls were.

"It's just too much tonight. You're right, I charge headlong into every battle without thinking, or considering the casualties." She closed her eyes, staring into his through the mirror were difficult, the reflection from the light brought hidden depths she was unwilling to see.

"Perhaps, but you've yet to let me respond. So, since I can see and feel that you are overstimulated, why don't we adjourn for the evening and continue tomorrow when we've both had sleep?" His mouth was close to her ear, his words vibrated against her with the baritone of his voice, each word played her like she was an instrument, but it only made her tears worse. She felt too exposed, too raw and though she knew he was right, she felt rejected. Tearing from his embrace, she went to her room and pulled on her nightshirt and tried to stop her tears; she went to the library in her mind, to one of her favorite books and concentrated until her mind calmed and heart stopped trying to escape her chest.

"After all these years, this last year, today you really think I'd push you away?" His words were as wounded as he looked when she finally opened her eyes and saw him.

"I'm asking too much too soon. We can talk at a later time, it's fine." Throwing back the covers, she sent a charm to the nursery then sat down, cross legged and tried to calm herself once more. She'd been doing so well in York, she'd been channeling her fears and anxiety until her day seemed to flow almost flawlessly in the old optimism she used to carry like a badge of honor. There was no doubt how much she cared for Severus, absence had only made things more clear and yet she'd jumped yards ahead, she knew it. She didn't regret telling him how she felt and she reminded herself of his own words and admissions, how he'd told her that he'd cared for her for years; still, there was the doubt, the weakness in her armor that she didn't want him to see. It wasn't as though she'd expected declarations of love, simply the possibility. This man had been wholly devoted to Lily Evans Potter for more than half his life, she wondered if that left room for anyone else.

"Hermione, look at me, please." He had sat across from her on the bed, his legs folded in mirror image to hers.

"Severus if I look at you I will lose my resolve and I've already embarrassed myself enough for one evening."

"You haven't embarrassed yourself. We've both said more than we have in honesty for years and it makes us raw. I promise we will continue this conversation, but right now is not the time." Whether from exhaustion or defeat, Hermione finally buried herself in covers, pulling them over her shoulder and sighing deeply. She knew he was right, but she didn't want to accept it.

"Goodnight, Severus, thank you for today and for helping with the case." She kept her eyes closed, she refused to open them for fear she'd see him pull away from her. She instantly berated herself she felt childish, she knew she was behaving like a jealous, insipid woman, as exacting as both Severus and Ron had pointed out many times, but it felt so powerful to her. She fell asleep quickly for a change and didn't hear him leave, he closed her window and went up the stairs to his room, contemplating her words greatly, accepting Hermione meant accepting the Weasleys as family, her children as his, their lives connected by bonds deeper than charms on emotions and though he could feel the weight of it all press squarely on his chest, it didn't frighten him nearly as much as it should've.


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: ANother late update! I apologize but this chaotic summer has made it quite difficult to sit down and edit. Although this story is complete in bare bones, my dyslexia means I have to go back many times to fix things. This chapter is long and has many important things happening. Warnings- character death, past abuse, scenes of motherhood, all warnings from other chapters including some lemony goodness. Thank you to my faithful readers. I may still go back and add an additional past scene because I feel like one belongs in the middle here about HG's pregnancy with Winnie. Please let me know what you think~ More plot about the case of the LeStranges and other unanswered questions get revealed...sort of.**

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

They fell back into a routine at Grimmauld Place as Albus returned to school for the remaining two weeks and Hermione awaited the return of the older children so they could vacation in Ireland and they could see the new flat. Although they hadn't spoken again on the direction of their new association, Hermione found when Severus was at Grimmauld Place, he was attentive and considerate of her, if possible more than he had been before, and each night before she fell asleep, he charmed her ceiling to reflect the night sky. Neither made a move for more, but both could sense that things needed to be said before she left for Ireland on vacation. Each time Severus attempted the conversation, Hermione stopped him and said that they could speak of it later, still worried she'd shown her hand too early. Yet, she felt her questions of him were legitimate, she didn't fancy a casual relationship and certainly didn't want a relationship with someone who couldn't even imagine a future, parenting with her and building a life together. When it was time for the children to return from Hogwarts and their vacation to start, she invited Severus to join them but found he was reluctant.

"I wish you'd come with us, at least to see the flat." Hermione folded the clothes for Winnie and Lily for the trip to Ireland in a carpet bag and then added their nappies and other necessities.

"Write me when you've gone to your flat and I'll come over then. You need a proper holiday, Granger." He still hadn't kissed her lips, her cheeks and hands yes, but Hermione wanted more.

"Alright. It'll be fun managing this brood. Enjoy going back to work full time." Her voice betrayed none of her dismay, but she knew he could feel it. She walked from from, handing the bag to Albus and putting the girls in their carrier. Charlie was helping them to the train station and then to the ferry. Although she didn't want to say goodbye to him as things were left in the air, she knew the kids deserved a break and some bonding time so she didn't pause as she might have at another time, instead she walked straight through the doors holding Rose's hand and letting James close the door. Charlie made quick work of the luggage and they were off. Like her time in York, Hermione focused on her children, delighted in their happiness on the coast of Ireland, and left her worries about Severus on the ferry. She spent the first week taking the kids to historical places, lounging on the beach and watching as the older children bonded with their little sisters, Lily almost walking and Winnie getting quite adept at scooting.

"Aunt Hermione?" They'd just come in from the beach after an evening stroll and she heard James call to her in the kitchen as Rose changed the girls for bed.

"Yes, sweetie?" As she rounded the corner, she saw James and Albus sitting at the table, looking sheepish and as though they had something terrible to tell her. Instantly, she worried she'd somehow been deficient in her mothering of them, that she hadn't focused on James enough or perhaps been too overbearing for Albus, but the transition had been so difficult. Giving birth to one child, but coming home a mother of five hadn't been in the cards in her mind.

"We wanted to ask you something." Albus chimed in, fidgeting with his hands and elbowing James hard in the side. She sat reluctantly across from them but tried not to appear worried, even if she felt consumed by guilt for the first time in months.

"Yes? You both seem bothered." Immediately, both boys shook their heads and Albus jumped up to hug her, practically sitting on her lap as he did.

"No, we want to ask you something and we're worried you'll say no." He said quietly, his arms wrapped around her neck, she remembered this behavior from when he was just a small boy, curling into Ginny or Molly and making sure he got what he wanted. Very few could resist Albus' charm.

"You both know you can talk with me freely about anything." She tried to reassure them but felt that they were about to ask her if they could live with their Uncles Bill or George, that they didn't want to stay in Ireland with her.

"You see, I've been with you this year and now you're our guardian and it feels weird calling you 'Aunt Hermione', I mean, that's what you are but Lily calls you 'Mum' and so do Rose and Winnie. And we love and miss our Mum, but we want to know if we could call you something else, instead of 'Aunt Hermione'." Albus explained, surprisingly bold for him, she understood his compulsion but looked to James. He'd been at Hogwarts for the majority of the year and hadn't spent quite the same amount of time with her as Albus had, and certainly Albus had always been more sensitive than James.

"Is this what you want as well, Jamie?" She tried to sound impassive, but was sure they could hear the fear in her voice.

"Yes, I actually asked Rose about it at Christmas but then I thought, I don't know, it was silly I guess." Hermione smiled at them, squeezing Albus tightly and motioning for James to join them.

"And what is it you would like to call me?" Hermione asked, wrapping an arm around James' shoulders, growing broader and looking so much like Harry she could barely tell them apart.

"We heard Uncle Ron call you Mynee sometimes and we thought that would be good, you loved him and we love you; and we know we can't replace our Mum, but you are more than our aunt now." James replied, and watched as Hermione's eyes filled with tears.

"That would be wonderful, truly." She could barely get the words out, these boys weren't rejecting her at all, they'd come to a decision about her care of them. Closing her eyes again, she pulled them both close and told them she loved them, sending them to bed and then wiping her face. Before going to check on the girls, she held herself tightly and cried in the kitchen, for their parents who were missing all their milestones, how Ron would never know his second daughter and see his own eyes in hers...the tears wouldn't stop, as though it was a sudden extremely powerful surge of grief, she tried to keep her crying quiet, but found that it was too painful. She felt overwhelmingly her grief at losing Ron, her Weasleys and Potters, but also felt relief, that the children were thriving, that they accepted her and wanted her in their lives. It was the validation she hadn't known she desired so much.

Before going to make sure everyone was tucked in, she cleaned her face, blew her nose, and walked down the short hallway to the boys' room first, saw them already asleep and then to the girls' room where Lily and Winnie were out for sure, and found Rose asleep in her bed, crawled in next to her and hoped when they went to the flat, the children would like their temporary home and see it truly as 'their' home, one they all created together.

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

The next day they left for Dublin, all exploring the new flat and choosing rooms. Luckily there was a separate nursery for the girls, so Rose wouldn't have to tolerate the girls at night if they woke or their babbling in the morning when they woke before her. And they also lived in a magical community, so the older children could fly on their brooms and perhaps join other children for quidditch when they'd be there. Severus came the third night after they settled in the flat and had dinner with them, listening aptly as the children talked about their neighbors and then of course where Albus would be sorted. It happened to be his birthday that third night so Hermione made him a cake and they all celebrated him, she told him the story of his birth, how bright his eyes were immediately after birth and how much James had loved him, until he was fussy. After cake and presents, the kids went to play with the neighborhood kids, so Hermione and Severus were alone with the girls.

"Mynee, can we walk to the derry and see the cows?" Albus asked as they ran to the door.

"Sure, but come right back, we have things to do tomorrow." He nodded and thanked her before joining Rose and James on the path to the derry with other children from the neighborhood.

"Mynee?" Severus asked as he used magic to dry their dishes.

"They asked if they call me something besides 'Aunt Hermione' and that's what they chose." He looked impressed with them for a moment and then laughed, it was an odd nickname for her, one he couldn't immediately recall hearing before.

"What?"

"It's just, your name doesn't lend itself to many nicknames, like mine. I'm surprised they came up with that." Severus bent down to Winnie who was tugging on his leg and waited as she rested against him, in her usual spot.

"Ron called me that, sometimes, they must've heard him." He nodded in acknowledgement, realizing that it was more important to her than a simple nickname the boys had conjured. Both of their attention was turned immediately to Lily who chose that very moment to take her first steps.

"Seb!" She screamed walking unsteadily towards him, her tiny legs wobbly and unsure. Hermione knew it would be soon that Lily walked, but hadn't guess that soon.

"Oh my goodness, you clever girl." Hermione bent down as Lily walked into her arms.

"Mummy." Lily whispered softly, encircling Hermione's neck with her tiny hands and resting under her chin. Her tiny voice made Hermione's heart happy.

"Let's see what pajamas we have tonight, girls." Hermione said bouncing into the nursery with Lily in her arms. Severus followed her with Winnie practically asleep in his arms as she told him which rooms were which and then ended in the nursery painted bright yellow.

"I'm sure i'll need actual beds for them by September, especially if Winnie starts walking, too." Stripping them both of their dungarees and shirts, nappies were changed and then soft footie pajamas replaced them, both girls snuggled on Hermione's lap as she read to them, and when they were out, Severus helped her put them to bed.

"I can't believe Lily took her first steps." She said, standing at the door looking over at the girls before casting a charm and slowly closing the door.

"Little terror." He joked as they went into the den, Hermione hadn't realized how tired she was as well, but wanted to enjoy every moment Severus was with her, even if it felt a tinge awkward.

"She reminds me so much of Ginny, or at least stories Bill and Charlie have told me about her. Fiesty for sure." They settled on the sofa, Hermione stretching her legs out across Severus' lap, realizing that it was probably more intimate than they'd been in a while. The heat of his legs radiated onto hers as she teased him a bit with her toes.

"How do you like the flat?" She asked, resting her hand under her chin and watching him watch her.

"It's adequate, no Grimmauld Place, but it'll do. How do the children like it here?"

"They love it, I don't know how often they'll be here versus Grimmauld Place or even how long I'll be in this particular job if Kingsley gets the boot. How was the apparition?" To stop her teasing toes, he lay a hand on her left leg, it was warm, warmer than his legs and for a moment she relished the sensation.

"Easy enough, but I did two stops."

"So you'll come back?" But before he could answer, the children came through the kitchen door and Severus let go of her leg, Hermione reluctantly stood and hugged them all, sending them to get showers and go to bed.

"Remember, we're up early because we're meeting Uncle Charlie and Uncle Bill for breakfast and then going to Killarney."

"Are you coming, Mister Severus?" Albus asked, peeking out from the loo while brushing his teeth.

"If your Mynee invites me, I'd enjoy going to Killarney again." Albus smiled broadly, his toothpaste dripping on his shirt, missing the joking tone of Severus' response, though Hermione did not.

"Shower, now Alby." Hermione pushed him lightly into the bathroom and then James into hers, Rose waited on James to get out but sat quietly in her room reading through her texts and reviewing some of the work from first year.

"Would you like some tea?" She asked, feeling his hand connect with the bottom of her spine, guiding back to the kitchen where he helped her get tea things together and then sat across from her at the table.

"My guest room here isn't as fine as the ones in Grimmauld Place, that is if you're planning on staying." She winked at him over the brim of her tea cup and smiled.

"I haven't been invited."

"I told you before you were always welcome, if you recall." He arched his eyebrow and stirred his tea.

"Yes, that's true. I'll admit defeat this time." They sat and stared at each other for a time before Albus ran through and put his cup in the sink and then ran back out.

"Wait, is Rose in the shower?" She called after him and he stopped mid-run, turned and shook his head. Excusing herself, Hermione went into Rose's room and saw that she was still studying.

"Come, love, let's get a shower. You'll feel better." Hermione pulled Rose up and helped remove her jumper and took her to the bathroom, starting the water and waiting for her to wake up a bit more.

"Is anything bothering you?" Hermione asked, taking a towel from the linen closet, she watched as Rose turned a bit red.

"Ummm...I think I've gotten my period."

"Oh dear, well remember when we talked about it before you left for Hogwarts, I always keep supplies in my bathroom and I'll talk to the boys, well Alby because we talked to Jamie a while ago. Do you need some tablets?" Rose nodded so Hermione walked out of the bathroom and fund Severus still in the kitchen.

"Problems?"

"Rose needs some medicine." Hermione quickly grabbed the tablets and took them to the bathroom with a small glass of water and left them by the sink.

"I can brew her some potions if needed, they'd be better for her in the long run." Severus interjected as she came back into the kitchen. As a former head of house, Severus was well equipped at dealing with young women and their periods.

"I don't know how much pain she's in and I don't want to give her something too strong. Who knows what her periods will be like compared to mine since mine have been so messed up since I was fifteen." Hermione resumed her seat in the chair and listened for Rose to finish in the shower. When she was sure they were all finished, she checked in on them again and then charmed their rooms, finally joining Severus back in the den. They didn't speak, she simply melted into his side and felt his arm go around her shoulders, his hand resting gently on her upper arm and his fingers tapping gently against her skin. She'd missed him, his presence, his smell, how he made her feel but she also knew how easy it was to get addicted to him.

"You were particularly upset the other day." He said, breaking the silence.

"That was probably the night they asked me if they could call me Mynee. I had some serious tears, but it was a good cry." He squeezed her a bit and pulled her left hand into his, looking at her fingers as though he'd never seen them before.

"And now?"

"I'm fine, I'm happy you're here." They stayed on the sofa for another hour before she showed him the guest room and said goodnight. She wished he would kiss her, that they would finally speak, that she would finally accept everything he might say, but instead she went into her room and crawled under her sheets. In the morning they all got ready quietly and waited on Bill and Charlie to arrive so they could apparate with the children to Killarney for breakfast and exploring. Bill, Charlie, and Severus spent most of the time walking with the older kids around the National Park and Hermione pushed the girls in an altered pram where they could see the castles they went through, but she found they soon became bored and looked awfully sleepy.

"I'm going to take the girls back home, are you okay with the older kids?"

"We'll be fine. Just make something hearty for dinner." Charlie replied, lightly pushing James in the arm and watching as Albus stood on top of part of Ross Castle.

"Rose has her period, so make sure she goes to the bathroom soon." Hermione whispered in Charlie's ear. It wasn't his first niece having her period, but imagining Rose as a young woman was odd and suddenly made him feel old. Both of Bill's girls had started already, so she knew he would more comfortable with Rose if he needed to help her.

She took the girls and apparated back to Dublin, leaving the men and older kids to their castles while the younger girls were completely out by the time she got to the new flat, so she laid them down and watched them sleep for a while. It was hard for her to imagine them as tiny babies again, but as she looked at them it took her back to those early days, when Winnie was so small she could curl her easily in one arm and Lily's tiny hand could barely hold her pinky and now they were active, growing girls who said words and now Lily was walking. Before resting too long, she put dinner in the oven and packed some of the things she needed to bring back to Grimmauld Place when they returned the next day, but then she lay down, still somewhat surprised that Severus had stayed with Bill, Charlie, and the kids, perhaps he was showing that he was interested in knowing them better or perhaps protecting them, though between the three men she doubted anyone could hurt the kids.

When they returned later, the oven off and dinner ready, Severus found Hermione asleep in her room and the girls still asleep as well, but had Rose wake them so they'd still sleep that night. He sat softly next to her, then decided to stretch out; it had been a long time since he'd seen her face so calm. It had been years since he'd slept next to her.

"Are you watching me sleep?" She asked, not able to see him, but instead smelling him and feeling the heat of his body emanate from across the bed.

"Yes, you are most pleasant when you're sleeping." Her eyes popped open and she scowled at him, and shoved him a bit but he grabbed her hand and then pulled her close to him.

"Did you have a nice time?" She asked in a yawn, so close to him if she just leaned forward their lips would touch.

"Yes, surprisingly James has a knack for potion ingredients and since Rose has already been taught more due to your interest, it was enjoyable to watch them top each other." Hermione smiled thinking of her daughter, competitive in everything, competing with James for plants and animals.

"Their potions master must not be as scary as mine was." She joked, barely able to keep her eyes open for the moment.

"She's adequate." Hermione let it go and changed the subject, though something told her to do a bit more research into Professor Davies.

"Did Charlie come back with you? I'm afraid I'll need his help taking the kids back tomorrow."

"He didn't, but he said he'll be here in the morning...he said you would know why? Something to do with Mr. Mackleroy."

"Oh, good, I think." Reaching out to her face, Severus moved her hair a bit so he could better see her eyes and leaned forward, kissing her for the first time on her actual lips, the pressure and warmth immediately sending a wave of euphoria through her, forcing her arm to snake around his body. He pulled away, cupping her face for a moment.

"I'd be happy to help you tomorrow, you know."

"I know, but I also don't want to ask too much of you." Leaning forward again, he captured her lips.

"Before this summer is over, you will let me finish that conversation. I don't want you to leave England without things explicitly clear." He mumbled between kisses, completely numbing Hermione's mind and giving her hope again.

"Not tonight, though, I'm…" She pulled him tight, hugged him harder than she ever had, and didn't want to let him go.

"Not tonight, but soon, I don't know why you're so reluctant."

"I am not reluctant, per se, I just worry…"

"Too much." Sighing, she pulled away and tried to live in the moment, to relish the fact that his lips had just been on hers, that his arms were holding her tightly, that they were together at all.

"I need to check on dinner." Kissing him this time, she hugged him once more and rolled away, laughing as he caught her arm and pulled her back.

"Your brother-in-law has served the children and the girls have had theirs and a bath, Albus and James are playing with them in the nursery. Rose is resting; no one needs you right now...except me." Hermione knew it was probably a bad idea to stay in bed with him, but she also couldn't make herself leave.

"I need to at least eat myself or I'll have to eat you." She teased, pretending to chomp at him but couldn't help herself but laugh when he pretended to be afraid.

"I might just let you, Ms. Granger." Kissing him once more, she grabbed his hand and led him from her room to the kitchen so she could have some baked spaghetti and garlic bread.

"Mum." Hermione turned seeing Rose in the hallway in tears. Immediately she rushed to her and found that she was just in pain again.

"Mister Severus said he would make you a potion, okay?" Hermione cast a few spells to see if anything else was wrong and then cast a warming charm so her cramps would calm.

"Severus, can you…"But he was holding up the potion before she could even ask. "Thank you." After that, Rose stayed in her room for the rest of the evening, packing a few items before falling asleep.

"Will you teach me that one, I bet she'll need more."

"Of course, or I can brew them for you in the lab at Grimmauld Place. You know you don't have to do everything, right?" He watched as she served herself a bowl of the baked spaghetti and heated it with her wand.

"I know, but I also have gotten used to doing things myself." She motioned for him to join her and found that he took the spoon from her and served himself.

"Well, you don't have to. I am happy to help, as I always have."

"Noted." They spoke about the day, about the other castles they visited and bringing them back. Apparently, Albus was reluctant to leave so they practically had to kidnap him to get him away from the historical sites, then they spoke about the rest of the summer, what their plans were and when she was moving to Ireland.

"I want to have the girl's birthday on the 31st so the older kids can enjoy it and then of course we'll have security for King's Cross again, and that afternoon we'll come here. I report on the 2nd. And you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you staying in the department with Seamus?" She ate a large spoonful of spaghetti then bread, sipping her water and watching him dissect her words.

"For now. I don't quite know what I'll do now that my parole is over. I've thought about working as an independent brewer but I also want consistency."

"You miss potions, that's understandable, I miss MLE, but I know it's time to move on for a while. Maybe someday I'll make my way back to the Ministry proper."

"I hope so, or I'm going to have to relocate." It was impossible to hide her smile, to think of him living with her someday in Ireland or even at Grimmauld Place but as more than her friend.

"We'll see, won't we."

"I'm not playing a game with you, you know. It is my intention to see this through completely, even if you won't let me answer all of your questions." She nibbled her lip as she looked at him, wondering if she was ready to truly accept his words, knowing that he was ardent, that he was constant in his affections, or at least wanting to believe that.

"Tell me, then." Pushing her bowl away, she brought her glass to her mouth and finished her water, chewing a leaf of mint and staring at him.

"Hermione, you asked me if I could love you and your children, all of them...you asked me if I wanted them in my life, if by pursuing something with you, I would be accepting them as well and knowing the little ones would know me far differently than their siblings, though I argue that Rose knows me very well and Albus has certainly grown to know me more over the year. I say this- we do not know the future, as you said in a moment everything could be taken from us and I don't want to lose you, not in any capacity. I cannot say with full certainty that I will live to see those little girls attend Hogwarts and I've rarely let myself admit for years that I felt more for you than the companionship of colleagues and friends. On some level, I know without a doubt I love you but to be fair, we haven't pursued a relationship, and perhaps once the children have returned to Hogwarts that would be an easier venture, in case you or I decide this won't work beyond what we have now. If things were to end badly, the little ones would miss me for a time but wouldn't be forever wounded and the older ones would ask after me, but their hearts wouldn't be broken, well maybe Rose would protest, but that's because she'd have no adequate chess partner." He paused, noticing her frown immediately and knowing that it didn't matter what he'd said before those words, she was latching on to his last words. "I am being honest with you, nothing is guaranteed, we may fight, as volatile as our tempers are and you may decide you don't want me in your life. That is life, Hermione." She frowned further while contemplating his words. He was being extremely forthright and though there was more truth in his words than she cared to admit. Although she felt her anxiety rising, the fear and uncertainty of life clouding her judgement, she took her bowl to the sink and rinsed it absentmindedly, contemplating how honest and mature his words were, how adult; it made her feel infantile, like she'd rushed, exactly as he said, and created a life for them that wasn't there. When she joined him back at the table, her arms folded across her chest, she thought of all the things she'd been through with him, from her first year to saving him, to working together, to helping her cope with the loss of her family. At that moment, Hermione wanted her mother, if only as a sounding board.

"I do believe this is the first time in ages I've silenced you."

"I'm just thinking." Her reply was succinct but she meant no harm to him, she simply couldn't formulate her thoughts. He'd said so much and she'd felt the weight of his words as soon as they'd left his mouth.

"Do you disagree?" He asked, narrowing his eyes and leaning forward, as though to entice her to engage with him, but she was sure she wished she'd never asked in that moment.

"No, I don't. Logically, I know you're right and that this is the best course to take, but I'm also me." He didn't want to see her eye shine with tears but he did, and he certainly didn't expect to see her bury her head for a moment.

"I'm not rejecting you, Hermione."

"I know that." Hermione had felt his rejection before, this was a far different feeling. She ran her hands through her hair and wondered if she could convince herself that there would be no downfall, that everything would work out over time and she'd never have to say goodbye to him or ward a house against again. She wanted her mother, she wanted Lucius who deciphered Severus' words far better than she did,but mostly she wanted to take back everything she'd said in May because the reality of his words was just too overwhelming, even if they were all correct.

"I need to make sure the girls get to sleep and make sure the boys have packed." When she stood and smoothed her shirt and Bermuda shorts, she quickly wiped her eyes and sighed, it would serve nothing to cry.

Opening the door to the nursery, she found Albus and James reading to the girls and watched them for a moment before stepping forward and hugging each boy softly.

"Let's get to bed, okay? And make sure your overnight bag is packed." Kissing both of their cheeks, she turned her attention to the two adorable redheads giggling and looking at the books on the floor before them. Lily stood on her chubby legs and brought her a book, which caused Winnie to scoot over, both girls sitting between Hermione's outstretched legs reminded her of the first time she'd nursed both girls.

"Let's read about this silly bear." Hermione read to them for a while, then changed both of their nappies for bed, kissed them both goodnight and charmed the room. Severus was at the door, she didn't know how long he'd been there. There were so many factors that went into her decisions, so many people and outcomes she had to consider it made her brain work in hyper speed, and though the rational part of her brain reminded her that he cared for her, greatly, something made her feel uneasy. Brushing her hair and wiping her face once more, she couldn't stop herself from hearing his words, over and over. They felt separated from his actions, the kisses and embraces they'd shared, but still true: nothing in life was guaranteed. He'd made her so angry before she cast him out of her house, twice and that didn't even take into consideration the years they'd fought at work, the dismissal after she'd been his companion for a year in his recovery, his indifference towards her as a teacher.

"Would you come sit with me, just for a moment?" She heard him ask from her doorway and though she wanted to hide, to think more, she followed him to the den and sat next to him.

"I didn't say those things to hurt you, I never mean to hurt you and yet I do; that is what I mean ultimately, I want you in my life but I take just as much risk as you do in pursuing something more. I risk the chance of having a real family, honestly for the first time in my life and getting more attached to those children and you." His continued honesty surprised her, he'd been far more candid that day than she could recall. She thought of the images she'd seen of the abuse he'd faced as a kid, how his mother cowered in fear and died at the hands of his alcoholic father. It pained her to imagine that kind of childhood and then, to be thrust into this massive family, to have little girls beg for your attention and then lose it because of a fight. She was just willing to work harder than that.

"I understand, truly I do, I'm just having a hard time balancing my optimism and realism, I guess." Thankful that her tears had stopped, Hermione wiped her eyes once more and smoothed her hair back, trying to distract herself from his hands, resting gently on her knees as he spoke.

"Do you agree that we should not be too visible in our actions until the children leave for Hogwarts?"

"Yes." But her heart disagreed, she didn't want to waste another moment without some sort of agreement, some promise that he wanted more with her even if they were risking so much.

"I have no problem with a slow pace, a courtship that makes us act like adults." She added, leaving out that she needed him to say he planned to do just that, to be devoted her and engaged in their future together.

"I hear a but in that sentence." He replied, lifting one hand to her face; she knew she couldn't hide from him.

"I need, want more. I don't know how to put it into words, but I want something, some sort of…" The words left her and she faltered, feeling defeated and as insipid as she'd felt in May, she forced herself to meet his gaze.

"I'm not pursuing anyone else, I've said this before and I want you in my life, I've wanted you for years, I'm finally free of the compulsion and though I sense your emotions, it's not quite the same as it was before, and in this freedom I can say these things to you. Hermione, look at me again, please." She couldn't, she was willing to fight for him, to let herself be loved by him in his tender but demanding way, and it hurt her to think it still might not happen.

"Severus, there is so much logic in your words, I understand, I comprehend that my children and the Weasley clan are in some ways a blessing and in others a barrier to peace, and that if things didn't work out, it would mean the last years….well, I have too much of a friend in you, I've lost enough, and if you think that we won't be able to work through fights or try hard enough to make it work, I don't think we should pursue anything at all. I believe wholeheartedly in my devotion to what we could be and it's not some romantic view of a perfect family, I mean really aside from what you've done for my girls,I don't even really know how you feel about children, if you want a biological one someday or if this is all too much for you right now. I understand, I do, I really do, but when I leave to move here, I want to leave with some definitive idea of my place, our place in your life...if we retreat and return to friendship, it may take me a while to forget my desires, but I can because I value you so much, you've been so constant. I just want you to be happy." He arms circled her, pulled her close to him.

"No one has ever cared for me as you do, Hermione and it's frightening. Your convictions are so strong, how could I possibly doubt you?" His fingers ran up and down her spine as she relished the warmth of his body, the power of being completely enveloped by a man and just the general closeness, she'd longed for it.

"I don't want you to disappear." Her words were meek, tiny, vulnerable and finally, she let go of her guilt over saying too much in May, over worry in his words, over it all and just let him hold her.

"I'm not going anywhere, I promise you." Instinctively she kissed his jaw, then his mouth; this was not like their earlier kisses, this was full of promise and fear that the other would suddenly pull away or walk away.

"Can we have the summer, not in front of the children of course, but go on a few dates, know each other more? They are so used to you being around I fear they'd ask more questions if you suddenly were never at Grimmauld Place." He shifted her until she was practically on his lap and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"I don't want to take time from your children."

"After they are asleep or when they are visiting their uncles, I think that would be okay. I agree there should be boundaries." She hated that she sounded somewhat desperate, but she needed it resolved, she needed more from him if he was willing to give it.

"I can agree to that and my caseload is low right now, we only have two current cases." She felt her mouth turn upward and leaned in for another kiss.

"I know there is still much we need to discuss, but that can wait. Thank you for being honest, Severus, even if it was hard for me to hear."

"My little emotional lioness...you'd think after all these years I'd know when to speak freely and when to keep my mouth shut." Their kiss deepened, moving into something far more possessive than she'd felt from him before, exciting her, forcing her to shift her position to move to almost kneeling next to him, pressing her chest squarely against his, pushing hard against the back of her sofa. Without much effort, they slowly fell against the arm of the sofa, Hermione cradled into his side eventually, his hands venturing into territory he'd only imagined before and unlike the night of the Moulin Rouge, nothing about his hands, his mouth, his presence made her feel that what was happening was wrong. Wholly connected to him, she allowed herself to simply enjoy the sensation, to feel desired and wanted, to admit that they both needed each other. She pulled away for a second and looked down at him, unafraid of the depths of his beautiful dark eyes, she wondered if he was as lost as she was.

"You have bewitched me, you know." His words were hot against her mouth as she bent back down, taking her time leaving greater light kisses in his neck, his jaw and finally, she felt his lips again, warm and perfect, so much softer than she'd imagine. Hermione felt his fingers moving up her side and involuntarily shivered then giggled.

"You're ticklish?"

"Yes, of course." He repeated the motion, this time with both hands and delighted in the sound, the beautiful laugh which escaped her mouth and made her face appear so free and relaxed; it had the added benefit of making her move against him, their bodies creating friction.

"Severus, you're a scoundrel." Her hand connected with his shoulder as she sunk back against him, a moan of pleasure escaped her inadvertently when his hand, which had been at her side suddenly shifted to her breast; immediately Severus went to move it but Hermione caught him and brought it back.

"You've seen them enough, you deserve a touch." Her voice thrilled him, hot against his ear as she had the audacity to lick then take his earlobe in her mouth. Then his right hand snaked up her jumper, the heat of his finger tips like fire on her skin and she almost pulled completely away as he moved from her breast to her scar.

"Every part of you is beautiful. You needn't ever cover yourself for me." His words washed over her and made her feel beautiful and wanted for the first time in ages. She stole his lips with hers and found that his hand had moved to her breast; they both shuddered at the same time and Hermione knew if things continued as they were they would move too fast, go too far, but in the moment, it was beyond her as to whether she should even contemplate stopping him as lovely as she felt. Seconds later, his fingers found their way into her bra, she moaned his name and moved against him unexpectedly making them both aware that they were in fact in the den, on her sofa and making out like teenagers.

"You're turning me into a bloody romantic, Granger, I could tell you again how beautiful you are but then you'd tell the Weasleys and Lucius, and I'd have to obliviate you." His index finger brushed her nipple again before he slowly retreated, moving his arm to her back, traveling up and down causing her to shiver, then he finally rested on her bum, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"This is going to be impossible." Hermione's body curled back into his side again and rested her head on his chest, resting her hand on his neck.

"I suppose we should retire." She heard him sigh, but she could fathom moving from her perfect cocoon,with his obvious erection digging into her pelvic bone- it made her feel loved even if she knew it was too much.

"Can you hold me a while longer?" She begged, placing soft kisses on his chin before resting her head on his chest again.

"No." She snapped up and watched him start to raise up, his body removing warmth she hadn't realized she needed. "Come with me, I promise to behave if you do." Hermione reluctantly stood and followed him to her bedroom, taking light steps as they went. The door shut behind him, her magic lit the dimmer and she moved to change. He'd seen her in many stages of undress, so she wasn't too concerned about him seeing her now. Off went her jumper, jeans, and bra, she slipped into a soft, long cotton shirt then went to brush her teeth, when she returned he was in his white undershirt and boxer briefs, lying under her quilt, looking as though he was already asleep when she knew he wasn't.

"I worried about your neck, no sense in hurting it if we're traveling tomorrow." He whispered as she crawled into bed beside him, lathering her arms and legs with lotion before turning the lights off. They both lay on their backs, staring at the ceiling with their arms folded but, as he was known to do, Severus charmed the night sky on her ceiling; it forced her eyes on his and then she leaned into him, as she had on the couch. With so much more skin exposed, Hermione could feel his body heat emanating far more and relished it.

"I set an alarm so I'll be out before the kids wake, do you mind?" She watched a shooting star cross the center of her room and wondered if she was dreaming.

"I don't mind at all, I've warded the door in case one of them needs me. I want them to know, of course, but not until we know, if that makes sense." His response was immediate, he pulled her flush against him and kissed her softly.

"Very well, but I hope don't plan on me going far. Apparition to Ireland is nothing and I'm sure I can manage a portkey to Florence when you have to go." It took a moment for his words to truly solidify, to remind her that realism and optimism can coexist and that they accepting her, he did stand to lose a great deal of things didn't work out. He was practical and guarded, as she had been before but she couldn't fathom losing him now, even if they became only friends again, he'd saved her just as much as she'd saved him.

"I sure hope you visit, I'll miss you dreadfully like I have before." One last lingering kiss brought Hermione into a restful peace and she turned his arms, loving that his was draped over her, comforting and heavy, warm and strong her body curved into his perfectly and they drifted to sleep. His alarm woke them early and with a kiss he was gone, apparated to the guest room where he jumped in the shower and tried to fight his morning erection. He couldn't deny that even if everything fell apart, knowing how Hermione felt gave him hope he'd never known and was damn sure he was going to fight for her.

The next morning they all returned to Grimmauld Place and settled back in until September when the older kids would go to Hogwarts and the younger ones with her to Ireland. Though it was difficult when he was at Grimmauld Place for Hermione to pretend she wasn't completely enamored with him, for Severus' part, he wasn't doing so well either. He typically worked until five and had dinner with them a couple nights a week then stayed on the weekends when he could. The house had a revolving door of Weasley cousins and aunts and uncles, Charlie and Billy came to visit and an engagement was announced. The only family member she hadn't seen before the end of July was Percy, though Audrey had brought Molly and Lucy over to play a few times. Draco and Scorpius visited quite frequently which made Albus and James happy, and Victoire and Dominque had even babysat for the brood one evening, though the adults when out as a pack, a few times Hermione was able to squeeze Severus' hand or leg under the table.

"To Charlie and Billy, may you always remember that each day is a gift and that love is strong but you have to keep working, fighting. I love you." Hermione raised her glass of prosecco to them, kissing Billy's stubbly cheek then Charlie's before returning to her seat. They were to be married at Christmas, but George and Bill had thought it would be nice to have a night out to celebrate. Percy had shown up late and badgered Severus in a corner for ten minutes before finally settling at the table. His behavior had been odd since before the accident, but she felt him pulling away from the family, being manipulated as he once had and it frightened her. Sensing her fear, Severus took her hand and asked her to dance. The shock of the question and then his arm at her waist made her smile.

"Don't be frightened of Percy, he's just floundering. Word is Kingsley is stepping down next week…"

"Next week? My job?"

"I didn't tell you this to make your anxiety worse, Granger, I apologize. Percy doesn't support the apparent favorite in elections, so he's clamouring for an alternative." Hermione contemplated his words but still felt the ill feeling that her job would be compromised. Though she had plenty of money saved and a pension, she still wanted to work.

"So Crawford?" Hermione finally said, daring to look over at the Weasley table and catch Percy, but he wasn't there.

"Yes, Eugene Crawford is the heir apparent."

"Lucky for me I helped him get started. Perhaps I will still remain employed. But, what of you and Seamus?" She couldn't tear her eyes away from his now, even with heels she was shorter than him.

"We are in a particularly good position, thanks to you. Crawford seems to be keen on you." Hermione blushed and immediately tried to defend herself. But Severus' lip just quirked and Hermione knew he was joking.

"Take me home, Master Snape so I can see my children and kiss you senseless." It took them very little time to say goodbye, Charlie and Billy were staying at Grimmauld Place so she knew she'd see them in the morning. When they arrived, Rose, Albus, and James were listening to stories from their older cousins about Molly and Arthur. It made Hermione thankful the younger ones had older cousins to help them know their grandparents and parents more.

"Aunt Hermione, Winnie and Lily went to sleep an hour ago, but Winnie was sniffling so I gave her the medicine Mister Severus made." Hermione hugged Victoire and thanked her for watching the kids as the rest of the Weasley party came through the doors. Before going to check on the girls, Hermione changed into nightclothes and pulled her robe tight before walking through to the nursery where she sound Winnie in Severus' arms.

"She's a bit warm." When Hermione saw Winnie's face, her empathy kicked in.

"Oh my poor girl."

She reached over and felt her head and cheeks, reaching for her, she found her body warm.

"Will you get a cool flannel, please?" He went through to the bathroom and came back quickly, his sleeves now rolled up a bit.

"Times like these I wish I was still nursing, I know it would help."

"I'll brew her a potion." He kissed Hermione and rested his hand on Winnie's back.

"Thank you, Severus." He was gone long enough for Hermione to fall asleep with Winnie in her arms, rocking gently in the lounger until Severus returned, gave Winnie her potion and then helped both of them to bed.

"Severus?" He watched her yawn and run her eyes.

"Everyone is asleep, would you prefer me to go?" He had slept in her bed every night he'd been there, so she was a bit surprised by his question even in her semi-awake state.

"Of course not, get in here, I need you." She held her arms open and watched as he undressed down to his white shirt and boxers as typical and pulled her tightly against him.

"This is its own torture for sure." She whispered against his jaw, as her head turned over her shoulder and kissed him quickly.

"Torture? You will know a blissful torture yet." Hermione was already asleep when his hand traveled her waist and nestled softly below her breasts. They'd yet to discuss moving beyond their petting, Hermione believed it would happen when she moved to Ireland, but didn't know why they would continue to play the game they were playing, aside from sex always complicating things. She knew once they went further, it would make her feelings stronger for him. It made her wonder if he was becoming as impatient as she was, both knowing sleeping in the same bed sometimes made it far more challenging to hold back. Yet, at the same time, the comfort of having him so close outweighed any of the other questions and desires. His arms wrapped around her made her feel a calm she hadn't known since she was eleven. Although Ron had been the only man she'd ever been fully intimate with, she felt completely comfortable with Severus and wanted to give him all of her.


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: update! I apologize but my dyslexia means I have to go back many times to fix things. Warnings- character death, past abuse, scenes of motherhood, all warnings from other chapters including some lemony goodness. Thank you to my faithful readers. I may still go back and add an additional past scene because I feel like one belongs in the middle here about HG's pregnancy with Winnie. Please let me know what you think~ More plot about the case of the LeStranges and other unanswered questions get revealed...sort of.**

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

 _Hermione rode the lift to the basement so she could give some information about a case to a few unspeakables doing research in the trenches. When she felt the lift stop suddenly and the door open, she was surprised to see a flock of people enter, including her favorite former potions master, Severus Snape, whom she'd been avoiding a bit since being sick many times in his presence and once on his shoes. Taking a step towards the back of the lift, she watched him come to stand in front of her, as though he was protecting her from something._

 _"Are you going to the Unspeakables as well?" She whispered, leaning forward towards him, her protruding belly resting on his lower back._

 _"As it so happens, I am." Short and quick, she wondered if she'd said something to offend him earlier in the week or he was simply being himself. "Do you often shove your child into random people in the lift?" Hermione looked down, she knew she'd pressed against him a bit but as though her girl knew that Severus was making a scatching remark, the baby kicked several times, bringing tears to Hermione's eyes because every time the baby moved, it reminded her how far they'd made it in the pregnancy. Instead of letting him bait her, she waited for the door to open and then all the others to file out so she could walk slowly down the remaining stairs._

 _"No comment?" He quipped, holding the door so she could exit, and watching as she ignored him. They lost each other in the scuffle of the research rooms and only hours later when it was time for lunch did Hermione acknowledge how hungry she was and that she had completely lost Severus in the rooms. Stepping into the lift again, she felt a wave of anxiety wash over her and though it was typical for her to feel anxious throughout the day, especially concerning the baby, this didn't feel the same. Something was making her nauseated, worried, full of dread and she simply couldn't fathom what it could be. Leaving the lift near the commissary, like a beacon she'd come to this floor, she looked across the room and found Severus sitting with Seamus, hot in argument._

 _"Oh, perfect, are you here to defend this lacky?" Severus snapped, unable to look her in the face._

 _"No, I was hungry and saw you across the room. I'm sorry I bothered." Turning quickly on her heel, Hermione went to the line and grabbed a caesar salad, yogurt, and fruit, slipping it all in her bag and going to her office to eat things between her and Severus had been easy and congenial as of late, every now and then he became like his old self, the self Hermione fell for after the war was over. the sardonic, sarcastic man she couldn't keep her mind from obsessing over, even now._

 _"Sleeping on the job?"She heard as he entered her office, the sounds and light coming from hallway made the burgeoning headache far worse. She struggled to open her eyes, to acknowledge that he was in presence as the compulsion from the lift ride and then to the commissary made her feel odd have many questions._

 _"Why were you and Seamus fighting?" She asked quietly, her head still buried under her arms._

 _"Disagreements over a case and the travel required, it seems I need to be in two places at once since Seamus is too incompetent to find another solution." The baby began her tirade on Hermione innards again as she finally moved her hands away, the pressure and light of her coming migraine was becoming debilitating._

 _"How may I help? We have two cases to clean up before the weekend, I can do those and let you two galavant." Hermione peeked an eye at Severus but found only an empty gaze, one fraught with a myriad of emotions he certainly didn't want to speak about._

 _"Go home, Granger, you are no use to this office today with a migraine." She wanted to protest, to tell him that if he'd simply give her some space, she could conquer all of their problems. Suddenly, the baby became active again, forcing Hermione to wince for a moment, almost bringing tears to her eyes._

 _"Active girl." Severus moved his hand across the table to her tightening belly, where a hand or foot collided with his sinewy fingers. Hermione watched his face change as the baby's kick continued, as though the baby had found a friend in Severus Snape._

 _"She's calming some and my head is starting to ease, thank you." Hermione smiled weakly towards him and waited for him to pull his hand away, to go back to the caustic conversation they'd been having for most of the day, but instead, she watched him gently rest his hand on her belly, rubbing or tracing the outline of the baby's foot. It was intimate and welcome, surprisingly. So many competing thoughts fired around her brain. She wanted Severus to have a wife, to produce an heir, to father as he clearly could. He could no longer hide that he wanted those things, especially sitting across from him watching his expressions shift, to one of pure contentment and even joy. It made her hope he would have those things someday and also broke her heart because she had wanted it all with him those years ago._

 _"I think Miss Winifred has taken a shining to you, Mister Severus. You're going to have a fleet of Granger-Weasley girls who adore you." Hermione teased as she felt the baby kicking the place where his hand rested on her abdomen._

 _"They'll come to their sense, they alway do."_

 _"Sure, Charlotte Rose has really changed, she never wants to play chess or talk potions with Mister Severus. Whatever will you do?" The headache was returning so she folded her face again and started crying, wishing that once she could have a normal pregnancy that leave her with monumental anxiety._

 _"Do you need help getting home?" He stood to help her up, but found that Hermione had little enough energy to stand or walk on her own. "What's happened?"_

 _"I think it's the migraine, sometimes I get vertigo and I can't do much when the nausea hits. If i can get home, I have potions." He didn't pause, simply swept her up in his arms and apparated to her townhome with Ronald Weasley, lying her down on the sofa before finding her potions._

 _"I hate to ask but can you wait a moment in case i pass out of vomit?" She saw the sneer, the look that told her perfectly he'd rather be anywhere but with her, but he stayed. She took a second dose an hour later and when it became clear that she was going to be fine, he helped her to her bedroom, out of ministry robes in a soft night robe._

 _"You've saved me again. I guess I'll consummately owe you now." But when she turned to look at him, she saw remorse._

 _"You have saved me from far worse, Granger, you owe me nothing. Now, get into bed. I will look after Rose when Molly drops her off until Ronald is home. Go to sleep." After climbing into bed, Hermione found she couldn't take her eyes off of him. Her mind was compelled by a force stronger than herself and without thinking, she motioned for him to join him on the bed._

 _"Rose will be home any moment." He whispered against her, his arm circling her and pulling her close._

 _"The baby wanted to kick you again." When Severus let his hand travel down Hermione's side, he felt the pressiure of the baby moving and then swift kicks."She must like you already." Hermione said softly before cozying next to him a bit more, closing her eyes and falling asleep in short order. When Rose came home, he helped her to dinner and then a few rounds of chess before Ron took over and Severus finally left. The entire day had been odd but not entirely without merit;_ yet, when Hermione finally woke she was left with questions she could not answer. Though she'd had plenty of migraines before, this one had been completely keyed to Severus and her distance from him. It was odd, almost like a tether had been stretched too thin and was letting them know they needed to be closer; she found the idea dangerous yet intriguing.

 _SSHGSSHGSSHG_

August passed so quickly Hermione felt she'd gone to sleep and awoken thirty days later. Most likely because her days were filled with family activities, planning for her new job, and then most evenings were spent with Severus after the children had gone to sleep. He'd been difficult to get talking at first, but once they found subjects they were both interested in knowing about the other, it was a smooth transition. She learned about his early friendship with Lucius and what made them establish a new one once the war was over. They talked about what he did for the Ministry for his first five years of parole, the missions he'd been involved in and how frequently he'd worked with Bill in Egypt. It was fascinating to Hermione. Most of all, Hermione relished the moments when Severus reached for her, tucked her in his side or held her closely for hours and somehow it had just become habit for him to sleep in her room. And though passionate moments had yet to push either of them into a more physical relationship, Hermione was certain she would never want him to leave once it had.

On the day before girls' first birthday party, Hermione was keen to take Albus shopping for his school supplies so she had Rose and Victoire watch the girls knowing Severus and Charlie would be by to check on them and of course they had their charmed bracelets. She didn't think it would take them long in Diagon Alley, so she flooed with them, with Albus' letter in hand and went to all the shops, having the packages sent quickly to Grimmauld Place. When they came to a new book shop, Hermione was immediately curious, so she stepped inside with James and Albus; they looked through the shelves, each picking up titles for the library at Grimmauld Place when suddenly, Hermione was sure she saw the woman Severus had been with in the restaurant when it had become clear to her that she cared for him as more than a friend, and as though led by a spell, she followed the woman and stopped when she thought she recognized someone else on another isle. In hopes to see if Severus had followed them for protection, she stepped down the aisle on travel and found him buttoned up completely, touching the spines of the books with one hand and the blondes' lower back with the other, leaning down to kiss her cheek as they looked through the selections. Were they planning a holiday for when she was finally in Ireland? How long had this been going on? There was no excuse now, no informant needed to solve some case unless he hadn't told her about it and now, all she could imagine was that it had never stopped since his birthday and before, he'd been shagging this woman. Suddenly, another thought appeared, destroying what was left of her rationality- had he gone to this woman again because Hermione had been afraid to have sex with him before she was sure he could love them, devote himself to them for more than just a summer. It made her sick immediately as she watched them. She watched as Severus stepped to the next aisle as James and Albus found their aunt.

"Professor Davies!" James called out running passed Albus and Hermione to greet his potions professor.

"Young Mr. Potter, how has your summer been?" Hermione couldn't deny she was gorgeous; she hadn't seen her fully before but now, it was so obvious. Beautiful, long blonde hair and hazel eyes, a perfect pert nose, and stunning lips, a body that women died for; she was a dream.

"We went to Ireland, and museums, oh and the zoo." He shook her hand like they were colleagues, but suddenly she turned, looking passed both of them and to the man walking towards her, acting as though it was completely normal that he be out with this woman, a woman he knew Hermione despised, even if unfoundedly.

"Severus, I'm sure you know these fine fellows." Hermione's breath caught; surely Severus wasn't meeting this woman again after all this time? Surely, Severus would've told her if he was consorting with her at all. There was no rational answer to any of the questions in her mind, she only studied Severus to figure out why he was behaving in such a way, pretending to barely knew them when he'd been in her bed for months.

"Undoubtedly, and their aunt. Virginia, this is Hermione Granger, the former head of my department, and this young man is Alby, he'll be joining you in two days." Professor Virginia Davies extended her hand to Hermione and then to Albus. Hermione had never heard him call Albus Alby before.

"Mynee has taught us a lot about potions, and Mister Severus, too. I look forward to your class, ma'am." Hermione admired her tenacious nephew and the kind words he'd said, but still had so many questions. Suddenly, she did not feel safe, as she normally did in Severus' presence, she felt he was occluding or at least there was so emotion in him.

"I look forward to it as well, Albus Potter. Now, Severus, we have a dinner to get to. It was wonderful to meet you, Ms. Granger, I just adore your Rose. " The beautiful blonde winked at Albus and then James; she took Severus' arm. He'd been silent, aside from the paltry introductions and practically ignored the boys until Albus spoke up.

"Mister Severus, we're still harvesting the lavender after dinner, right?" Albus almost ran after them, Hermione was stuck in her place, still in shock that the man who'd whispered sweet, seductive words in her ear was walking out of a bookstore with another woman.

"Perhaps. Now run along." Came Severus' cold reply. Albus turned reluctantly back to Hermione. She was completely stunned- what the hell had happened?

"Come, we'll get these and go." Hermione felt her heart racing, her body needed so much energy to move so when the cashier told her how much the books were, she barely registered the words, fumbling through her wallet she found the galleons and sickles needed, but could barely keep her thoughts to herself. Finally, they left the store and went to the floo, arriving back in Grimmauld Place to find Rose and Victoire with two walking 's emotions vacillated quickly between anger, sadness, love, and surprise. She could barely contain her anger over Severus so obviously betraying her, but seeing her tiniest girl walking on shaky legs made it all disappear for a moment. One moment of respite where her mind forgot that the man she loved had been lying to her.

"Oh, Winnie! You're walking!" Hermione almost forgot her heartbreak for a moment, watching Winnie's tiny legs move slowly towards her. She gathered her small daughter in her arms and cried, she couldn't tell whether they were from happiness or sadness.

"Mynee, I'll take my things upstairs. Thank you." Albus hugged Hermione and Winnie tightly then ran up the stairs.

"We made dinner, too." Rose grabbed Lily and they went into the kitchen.

After dinner, two loud sounds of apparition hit the stoop, and Hermione's heart sank as Charlie and Severus walked through. Hermione tried to hide in her room, tried to avoid seeing him and having to ask questions. He came to her, within moments of arriving, but what he found was not the Hermione he'd come to know over the summer.

"You have a lot of nerve, Severus Snape." She yelled, casting muffliato on the room as he stepped towards her, questioning her.

"What's happened? Why are you so sad and angry, you've been this way since this afternoon." Hermione could almost curse him. He was out with a woman, a woman who Hermione knew he'd slept with before, and he dared ask what happened?

"How can you stand there and pretend you don't know why I'm upset." Hermione's arms were folded because she was afraid of her wandless magic, the magic he'd taught her. She lost rationality, she lost all logic because she knew at one point Severus had known that woman as far more than a professor at Hogwarts.

"Where were you this afternoon and evening?" She yelled, her heart filled with the fear of rejection, the knowledge that he was not who she thought he was.

"I was at the Ministry until ten minutes ago, Hermione. I left with Seamus from the west exit and apparated here." The desperation in his voice was lost on her; he hadn't seen her so angry in ages.

"I saw you with her." Hermione closed her eyes, tears came. How could he lie to her, she saw him with her own eyes.

"With whom?"

"You know with whom." The door flew open, neither had heard the knocking, and Albus stepped through.

"Glad you made it back, the lavender is ready. Professor Davies was nice, but I think I'll miss doing potions with you. " Severus' face fell, yet he still couldn't put it all together.

"You will be well prepared, I'm sure, Albus."

"I'll be out in a moment, Albus." He turned to Hermione. "Did something happen in Diagon Alley? I knew we should've gone with you." Hermione shrieked in frustration.

"Did something happen in Diagon Alley? Are you serious? You were practically pawing her in front of me, you ignored the boys and stalked off with her as though you didn't know us at all." She accused, coming closer to him. Their eyes met in furious opposition, her because she felt betrayed and he for the same reason, worried she'd never truly trust him since seeing him with Professor Davies near his birthday.

"I was at the Ministry all day, we even had a trolley lunch, I swear." Hermione felt her anger boil over, she covered her face with her hands and then suddenly she invaded his mind, intentionally opening a connection between their minds and she showed him, all that had happened in Diagon Alley and went she searched his mind for the things that had happened that day, she found him in his office, arguing with Seamus about a case and then thinking of her, of protecting her and making sure he could be at King's Cross with her. The connection broke slowly as she fell into his arms.

"Someone impersonated you? How is that possible?" Hermione felt ill, she ran to the loo and vomited, her crying worse and her body shaking.

"Hermione, I wasn't there, that wasn't me...I would never harm you in such a way. Please." The pleading in his voice broke her.

"Severus, he was you, he was with her...why would someone orchestrate that? What do they stand to gain? And how did he know about before, when you were with her?" His hand pushed her hair back from her face and tried to imagine an answer to her question.

"Polyjuice or a very elaborate glamour were used, either way, it was not me. Do you need further proof? I will bring Seamus here or the trolley lady who sold me chocolate, orange, and ginger biscuits for you." More bile rose, she heaved again in guilt. It had been so real, seeing her in his arms again and to know that it wasn't him, that she'd accused him.

"Severus, I'm sorry, it was so real. I would never think…I-" More bile and before she could finish her sentence the room darkened, the image in the mirror spun and she was out. When she woke again, the house was eerily silent and Severus was sitting on the chair in her room; reaching up to her head, she felt a cool flannel and then it all came back to her. Even though she felt weak and her muscles protected, she crawled over to Severus and sat upon his lap, crying against him until he woke. It was like the same urge that had taken her from Hogwarts to the Shrieking Shack, the same cadence in her blood beating out the rhythm of his heart with hers and she couldn't get close enough to him.

"I'm so sorry." She whispered against him, her arms around his neck. As he woke further, he brought his arms to hold her, to comfort her.

"I promise I was not there, I haven't seen that woman since January and I had no designs on ever seeing her again. Seamus registered the matter with the aurors because someone is impersonating me, it might be a ploy to ruin my name or worse, connected to dark activity. There's going to be an investigation. We have no idea if this is a one-off or has happened before." She nodded but said nothing, the pain of seeing him with that woman would not leave her mind, even knowing it hadn't truly been him, because deep within the recesses of her mind she did know Severus has been with Virginia Davies.

"That being said, let us establish a code word or phrase that will make it clear it is me visiting you or that you come across." He tipped her chin up and kissed her softly, noticing that the simple act made her calm tremendously.

"Hmmm...how about something to do with the universe you create on my ceiling every night. No one would know about that." She eagerly kissed him back, feeling marginally better with each one.

"I will ask you, 'what can I get for you?' And you will reply-"

"'All of the stars.' Good, that's settled. What time is it?" Hermione tried to strain her eyes to see into the nursery, but it was too dark.

"Half one, you were more upset than I've seen you in a long while." His reply made her feel guilty; there had been subtle signs that the man in the bookstore had not been Severus, but her jealousy and anger had made it too difficult for her to notice. She avoided explaining her emotions, he could sense them and know exactly how devastated she'd been and also how much she loved him.

"Winnie was walking when I got back, did you see her?"

"Yes, after I made sure you were not going to vomit in your state, I went out to talk with Charlie and she walked right to me. It's hard to believe they are both walking." Hermione's ease made her realize she needed the loo, so she kissed him again and stood slowly before peeing and freshening up, which turned into a shower because she felt like she smelled of vomit and perspiration. Carefully she washed her hair and shaved her legs, and when she returned to her room, Severus was under the covers almost asleep as she pulled a nightshirt and knickers out, letting her towel fall. She was suddenly reminded of her jealousy, of knowing that even if he hadn't the day before, Severus had slept with that woman, and even if her jealousy was unwarranted, it still made her want to claim him. She watched as his eyes followed her, bringing her shirt and knickers to her nightstand, then closing the nursery door slowly with her magic and charming the room as she normally did. His eyes never left her, his expression was one she'd seen many times over the summer; she hoped she wasn't being too forward, though they had been sleeping in the same bed for a few months and had experimented with each other a bit, she wanted more.

"I've dreamt about you every night this week, in my bed, in the shower, on a blanket under the stars. You've completely invaded my subconscious." Hermione told him, pulling the covers back and crawling towards him. She knew her body wasn't beautiful; she figured Virginia Davies had a perfect body without scars or stretch marks from carrying two babies to term, but the way his eyes traveled her made her feel gorgeous.

"Do you want me, Severus?" She saw his eyes go wide and he shifted, moving the covers further down as he raised himself on an elbow.

"You know I do, witch." In seconds, Hermione was on him, pulling his white shirt over his head and claiming his lips with hers. Part of her knew she was motivated by the jealousy but an even greater part recognized how much she cared for him, desired him, was falling for him so keenly she could barely contain herself. She knew she couldn't leave for Ireland without solidifying their relationship, without trying for more.

"Severus." She moaned into his mouth, rocking above him slightly, wanting nothing more than the feel of his hands on her body, they moved of their own volition across her skin and inflamed her, instantly making her thankful she'd charmed the room. In a flurry of movement, she was on her back and he above her, taking his time kissing her gently, then ardently, moving down her body as he did and looking in her eyes once more.

"I've wanted you for so long." She breathed, pushing his hair behind his ears, leaning forward slightly and kissing him again. Although she loved that he was being careful with her, gentle even, she wanted more. Momentarily she was transported back to Hogwarts, to his rooms, to his arms and her twenty year old self felt vindicated as she grasped him between her hands and saw a look of pure pleasure cross his face.

Later, when they both lay staring at the enchanted ceiling, Hermione wondered how she'd waited so long, how all the passion they'd spent had stayed abated for the course of the summer. She felt addicted to him, his kisses, his embrace and she wanted nothing more than to lounge in his arms forever.

"I hate that you were hurt earlier." He suddenly said as he stroked her hair, pausing at her ear every now and then.

"Oh, don't bring it up now I'd almost forgotten." Hermione kissed him squarely and tried not to think of Virginia Davies.

"I apologize, I just can't fathom who would impersonate me in such a way." Hermione's wheels turned but she tried not to forget, to remember only the bliss of sex, of waiting what felt like centuries to have him.

"It's disheartening, I know, but we have a birthday party for two very beautiful little girls tomorrow and I'd like to have you again before I leave for Ireland."

"Very well, if I must." He joked, but Hermione could tell he was bothered and so was she, though she could push it from her mind enough to enjoy her time with Severus.

"Goodnight, Severus." She kissed him once more and pulled on her shirt, leaving her knickers off just in case the mood struck when they woke in the morning. At half three, Winnie woke and Severus thought he'd seen an apparition float from the bed to the hall, finding Hermione rocking on the lounger with her in his half-dressed state.

"Bad dream, I think." She said as he leaned down and looked at Winnie's sleeping face, the look of pure innocence. He touched her hair, then her cheek before kissing Hermione and checking on Lily, blissfully unaware that her cribmate was restless.

"She's out." Hermione whispered, lifting Winnie and placing her in the cot, rubbing her stomach as she lay and thanking Merlin that her girls were almost a year old, happy and healthy. His fingers laced with hers as he led her back to the bedroom, charms in place he made love to her again and they fell asleep, waking only when his alarm sounded, forcing him reluctantly from her presence as the flat

The house came alive early as Bill and George showed up to help get things settled for the party. Everyone worked on freshening up the house and getting things ready for the birthday party of two precious girls. Hermione took the small bag of things she was taking back to Ireland to her room once the girls were situated for their first nap and found Rose, Albus, and James playing with their cousins in the garden when she came out to check on the food.

"Percy said something about Audrey not being able to come, but Molly and Lucy are arriving around noon with Fleur. Apparently, he is also detained." George muttered, but Hermione didn't pay him any mind nor Percy for that matter; she was too focused trying to make sure the day was not sad. She remembered how sad her birthdays had been sometimes, the thought of returning to a tumultuous year, even when she'd made prefect. Hermione was determined the children would have a great day before leaving before Hogwarts the next day, being transported individually to the Hogwarts express.

"Did you pack the candles? I cannot find them." Hermione looked through her bags again but couldn't find them. Severus handed them to her and then leaned forward and kissed her, noting well before that that no one else was in the vicinity of the kitchen.

"I can't believe you did that." He caught her hand as she tried to push the buttons of his oxford shirt and she was surprised at his behavior, that he was being a bit playful when he was normally more reserved.

"I won't see you again until, well I don't know after tomorrow." His tone was unsure, not that he didn't want to see her but that he simply didn't know.

"We can talk tonight, I'd certainly like to see you before too much time has passed." He agreed, nodding and taking her chin between his finger and thumb.

"Tonight, we will talk." His lips met hers again before he rushed away, to make a plan with Seamus for the transition of the Minister for Magic, knowing far more about the situation than he was letting on to any of the Weasleys or Hermione; but he knew she would soon figure some of it out for herself, and he wanted to be there when she did to protect her from being sent to Azkaban.

Hours later when Hermione had the girls changed into matching dresses and leggings, though different colors, they all sang happy birthday to them as the girls clapped and giggled, their wild red hair, especially Winnie's, blew in the breeze as they sat at the transfigured table and watched them.

"Blow out the candles, girls." Hermione stood between them and kissed each of their cheeks as they tried to blow out the candle, both girls dipping their fingers into the icing.

"Lily! Look at you, you're already a mess." Rose stepped up and wiped Lily's mouth a bit before the icing fell on her dress.

"Just let them get messy, you did. We have the pictures to prove it." Hermione joked as Winnie smeared icing on Albus' face and giggled, jumping in her seat and reaching for Severus.

"Seb!" He lifted her from her chair and held her against his chest as she forced her chocolatey fingers in his face, getting a scowl for a moment before he lifted a plate with cake on it and gave her a forkful. Those who had been around Severus with the girls knew how much they loved him, but a few extended Weasleys looked at him as their former potions master still and not the man who had changed so much since the war ended.

"Here you go messy girl." Hermione gave Winnie a bite of ice cream and watched as the coldness hit her, then gave a bite to Lily, both girls seemed to love it. "I think that's enough, girls." Hermione wiped their faces and then their hands as Severus brought them to sit on the blanket Rose spread with James.

"Scorpius and Alby are going to get chess board, can we play later?" Rose asked Severus as he stood from depositing Lily next to Winnie.

"Of course, especially before you go back to Hogwarts and learn more moves." Taking a seat next to George in the chairs and watched as some of the older children flew around and as Hermione made her way through the crowd, eventually coming to sit next to the girls and speaking with Draco about Astoria and Hyperion, who was well enough to attend and finally completely illness-free for the first time in two years and though he seemed small, still, she liked the look of him. Unlike Scorpius, Hyperion had the classic Malfoy steel eyes but had dark hair like Astoria and Narcissa and when he smiled, he seemed far freer than his older brother, as though he hadn't inherited the angsty Malfoy puberty years, though he was still six years off from school.

"And there's nothing else they can do?" Draco handed Hyperion his toy broom and watched as he took off.

"No,unfortunately we've met the limitations of her pain management." It hurt her, to see him hurt and knowing how much he loved her.

"Do you need me to take Hyperion for you? I mean I don't have to be in Dublin all the time, if you needed me, I would gladly come back." She tried to think of another way she might able to help him, but there really was nothing else she could think of.

"I will keep you updated and I appreciate it, Granger."

"Lucius is in the kitchen with something for the girls, Hermione." Severus tapped her shoulder and watched as her expression changed with his words; how she went from worry and strife to optimism and it confounded him. As she walked away, he looked to Draco and sighed.

"Does she know?" Draco asked, wondering for a moment exactly what the nature of Severus' relationship was to Hermione because the look he'd given her as she walked into the house was one of longing, something he'd never seen cross the man's face.

"No, but I am going to tell her before she leaves for Ireland." He watched as she walked into the house and then turned again to Draco.

"How do you think she'll react?" Draco asked, watching as Hyperion played with Weasley and Potter children and as Albus and Scorpius played chess.

"I don't know, honestly, but she has a kind heart and she's understanding, even if it doesn't always make sense." Lily came to sit at Severus' feet as he spoke and then reached for him.

"You're going to tell me about this thing with Granger, right?" Draco laughed as Severus cut his eyes immediately towards him. "Did you think no one would notice?"

"Notice what?" Severus pretended for a moment that the young man was not his former student or the one whose mission led him to kill Dumbledore and instead the young man of his friend, practically family and he wanted to tell him, to express to someone besides Lucius, who he still hadn't told much, how he'd become completely enamored with her and had been for years, how he felt for her children, even if he was still warming up to James, but he didn't. Instead, he lifted Lily from the ground and let her play in his hair, resting her tiny head on his shoulder as though she was sleepy, her sugar high obviously fading.

"And where is your...Winnie?" He realized he'd almost said sister, but really, they were being raised that way after all so it wouldn't have been too much of a faux paus. Turning to look for the other tiny redhead, he saw her asleep on the blanket Hermione had put down for them and heard Lily squeal as Hermione came back out of the house with her parents.

"Look, Lily, Grandma and Grandpa are here." Rose came down from flying with James and reached to take Lily from Severus' arms, he reluctantly let her go then walked over to get Winnie, gently bending down and pulling her into his arms, whispering her name as her grandparents moved closer.

"They want to see you, Winnie, for your birthday." He whispered in her ear as she slowly opened her eyes and met his, her hazel eyes met him with an instant smile.

"Seb." She whispered lightly, rubbing her eyes then hugging him tightly.

"Happy birthday, Winnie." Martin reached for her but she wouldn't let Severus go. She kissed him as he leaned in, but would not move into Martin's arms.

"Perhaps when she wakes a bit, she'll be more agreeable." Hermione remarked, giving Lily a squeeze and then Winnie.

"I brought them something." Jane pulled Reginald the cat from her bag and Hermione's eyes widened as she remembered for favorite and most comforting toy from childhood, but laughed hard when Martin pulled two kittens from the box they'd brought, both little black kittens with orange eyes, though one had a tuft of white on her chest and the other had white on her paws.

"Dad! What did you do?" Martin put the two kittens down as Lily scrambled to get down to them, Winnie watched from Severus' arms, but he bent down with her so she could see them.

"Well, so these two should have a pet." Jane explained, holding one of the kittens for Lily to pet.

"You never let me have a cat until Crookshanks; spoiled girls." They all watched as Lily took off chasing the kittens and soon the other kids joined, but Winnie stayed safely in Severus' arms.

"Don't you want to see the kittens, Winnie?" She hesitantly nodded and began to pull away from him and waited as the kittens made their way back towards them. Lily grabbed her hands and showed her the kittens, waiting as Winnie petted them.

"Thank you, Mum and Dad, I know they will love them. This one will be Soot and this one, hmmm, Midnight." Hermione thought about the kittens in her flat in Dublin and it reminded her that she was sending the kids away and going back to work and moving away. It made her sad for a moment, thinking of being away from the kids and not really knowing exactly how things with Severus would turn out once she moved. She felt Severus watching her and faced him for a moment, trying to let go of her worry.

"We should've asked, but they just need some kittens." Martin's arm circled Hermione's shoulders while they watched the girls play with the kittens and the other children eventually start flying again. Severus joined Rose for chess as they cleaned up and put the girls down for their afternoon nap, people filtered in and out for a while and then it was just Hermione, Severus, Lucius and her parents along with her five children, all engaged in chess or school preparedness, mostly Albus trying to make sure everything was in his trunk.

"Alby, I have your uniform pressed, just the black ones though. I'll get more when you're sorted." Hermione brought him the rest of this clothes as he stood next to his trunk. James had been using Ginny's trunk so Hermione made sure that Albus was using Harry's, especially due to their sometimes contentious relationship.

"I wish James would stop teasing me." Albus said suddenly, looking over his books again.

"Is this about Slytherin and Scorpius?" He nodded bashfully

"Don't you worry one minute about Jamie; if you sort Slytherin, you will be still be loved by everyone in this house, especially me. Now, go brush your teeth and say goodbye to Grandma and Grandpa." Albus hugged her quickly then ran down the stairs and said goodnight to everyone before he, James, and Rose all came back upstairs and prepared for bed. Hermione made it back down the stairs before Lily and Winnie were completely out.

"Did you have a good birthday, my ladybirds?" Hermione watched as Lily grabbed a book from the shelf and brought it to her, both girls crawled onto her lap, clean in their footie pajamas.

"Did Grandma give you a bath?"

"Gamma. Seb." Lily yelled. He came in as though there was now some compulsion charm on the girls and watched them sitting on her lap, both had hands curled into her hair.

"Severus helped your Grandmother, well wasn't that nice of him. Did you thank him?" Both girls looked to him and rushed him, grabbing his legs as Rose once had when she was so small.

"Do you want Severus to read to you?" Both girls tugged him,.

"Pwease!" Winnie grabbed the book from Hermione and shoved it towards him.

"I guess they like your voice better than mine." His eyebrow quirked as the two girls moved onto his lap, but then Winnie also reached for Hermione, forcing her to cuddle next to them.

"Mummy." Hermione leaned into Severus with Winnie on her lap, listening as he read to her girls, and although this had happened quite a few times while they were in Ireland and back at Grimmauld Place, it still felt different since things had shifted between them. She felt hope and worry like a yin-yang, in aggressively balancing and unbalancing as she listened to him read and watched her little girls listening to him without knowing him, not as she did or even the older kids. He was a person they loved without prejudice and for a moment it made her wonder if he realized how much they loved him, and how different their love would be for him throughout their lives.

"I'll put them down if you want to check on the older ones." Hermione pulled Winnie softly up and into their cot, deepened now that they were both walking and then helped with Lily, who had somehow gotten out of her pajamas a bit.

"Apparently, Jamie has been teasing Alby about Slytherin, do you think you could say something to reassure him. It's not that he is worried about being Slytherin, he thinks that means his siblings won't care about him, I guess. I tried earlier but I don't know if he was completely convinced." They walked the stairs together, the third floor feeling further away after sitting of the floor of the nursery.

"I admit defeat, Albus will certainly be Slytherin and I will talk to him." Hermione left him on the landing and turned to Rose's room where she found her daughter checking her trunk one more time then crawling into bed.

"Are you ready?" Hermione asked her, pulling her hair into a tight plait as she normally did, wishing sometimes that Rose was still as small as the girls.

"Yes and I'll be glad to have Alby with us, wherever he ends up. I miss it, sometimes, like all our cousins around and being busy with quidditch and work. But I miss you loads and the girls, they've changed so much all year, every time I see them. When we come home at Christmas, they'll be so different. Can you send me pictures?"

"Of course, and I plan to come to see you play quidditch when I can because my job will give me more leeway." Rose leaned up on her knees and kissed her mother's cheek, holding her tightly around her waist and trying not to think about the anniversary of her father's death, her uncle and aunt, her Weasley grandparents. It made her suddenly quite sad, and when her tears fell, she wasn't ashamed as she had been many times, instead she held her mother and wept.

"Rose, I'm so sorry, darling. I miss them, too."

"He's really gone." Rose whispered, thinking of her dad, how his silly grin had made her day so many times, how he'd done everything he could to make her childhood magical and she felt guilty for all that she'd had with him that Winnie never would.

"Everything okay in here?" Hermione and Rose both turned to look at Severus who filled the doorway with his presence, his height towering over Ron's.

"Are you worried about tomorrow?" He added, coming into the room and settling against her wardrobe, folding his arms across his chest but looking towards them with empathy.

"It doesn't feel like it's been a year." Rose remarked, letting go of Hermione and folding her legs beneath her.

"It doesn't." His words were soft and solemn.

"You know I'm so proud of you, that you did so well last year and have been so helpful with the girls. I know it probably feels like you had to grow up quickly, sadly I know exactly how that feels. I am always an owl away and so is Severus." Rose and Hermione looked to Severus, who nodded and then moved to stand next to them.

"You've always been my champion right along with Dad, thank you Mister Severus." When she clasped her arms around his waist, Hermione and Severus' eyes met, she hadn't hugged him in this way for over a year and certainly not with as much veracity as she was; no, this reminded him of when she was five, mouth and hands covered in biscuit crumbs and chocolate, wanting so much to learn as much as Hermione had but with a competitive streak that only came from her father.

"I'll continue to do so." He replied, taking one of his arms and leaning into her hug, not taking his eyes from Hermione's.

"I feel better now, thank you both." Hermione kissed Rose's cheek and then hugged her as she released Severus. They left her to rest and try and sleep before she had to be up and ready to go back to school.

"Did you talk to Alby?" His hand touched the small of her back after she peeked in on James and Albus and said goodnight, they went together down the stairs to her room.

"Yes, you were right about his apprehension, but he won't be alone in Slytherin and he knows James and Rose, and his plethora of Weasley cousins will be available." Hermione turned to him and grinned, he sounded practically paternal as they descended the stairs.

"Thank you." She stood on her toes and kissed him, pulling him into her room and holding him so tightly he almost couldn't breathe.

"For what?" He whispered, pushing her hair behind her ears and cupping her face, his was just inches from hers Ashe searched her eyes.

"Helping me with them, being someone they can depend on, regardless of whatever this is."

"They've made an impact on me, as you have. And whatever this is," his lips met hers, for a moment she lost her thoughts and felt his voice reverberate through her body, "is more important to me than I can express. Tomorrow, we will take your children to King's Cross, we'll come back and take your things to Ireland, and have a proper date."

"A proper date?" She teased, pulling at the waist of his trousers.

"Yes, a proper date. I've arranged a sitter for the girls, if you'd like to go, of course." After hiding most of the summer, Hermione felt so much relief in his words, that they would be freer to explore a relationship when the kids were at Hogwarts.

"You know I do."

"Good." He felt her magic envelope them, her emotions so frenetic she pulsed with life and he couldn't stop himself from staring at the beauty she created. She was right, their emotions created a magical signature that danced around them like a song and its music beat like his heart, heavily and strong against his chest. She began removing his Oxford shirt, then his trousers, and for a moment he stood there completely nude before her, then she undressed herself, slowly, each piece of clothing falling from her hands before they stood together, staring. Hermione had only done this once before, but she hadn't been herself then , she'd covered up her scars because Ron was disturbed by them, she knew why Ron was so moved by her scars, but still, it had made her so self conscious that she hadn't seen herself like this in years. Standing across from Severus, Hermione felt empowered, that her body which was flawed and imperfect, was beautiful to herself and that he found her attractive, that he wanted her exactly as she was made her so incredibly happy she could barely contain herself.

"You're being awfully bold tonight."

"Gryffindor." She pretended to claw to him, putting both arms on his chest and pushing him to her bed.

"Do you want me, Severus?" She purred his name, forcing him onto the bed as the back of his legs hit, and then leaned into him, pulling his face to hers.

"Isn't it obvious?" He almost couldn't get the words out before she pounced on him as he moved further back on the bed, his elbows meeting with her pillows until she was finally satisfied. It was the first time she had taken charge; Severus was the only man aside from Ron who had seen her this way and for once, there was no shame in her actions, she didn't cower, she didn't worry, she simply kissed him and took pleasure in their coupling, and for a moment, let herself drift back to her time at Hogwarts, wondering how different her life would be had she been so brave then


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: I don't even know where to start with this chapter. I hope you like the clues slowly coming from who is really responsible for the deaths of the Potters and Weasleys, and how deep it goes within the Ministry. Warnings: minor character death, reappearance of Professor Davies, PTSD, general angst, scene of birth. Thank you for reading and commenting- many of you have been super supportive all summer and I really appreciate that!**

 **Chapter 15: Ireland and Confessions**

They spared no expense or precaution getting the Potters and Weasleys to King's Cross. When Hermione was sure the kids were safely on the train, their cart filled with Weasley cousins, she saw Teddy Lupin with his prefect badge, coming towards her.

"How are you darling? I didn't see you all summer." Hermione saw his hazel eyes sparkle, looking so much like his father for a moment she almost lost her breath.

"My Nanny kept me on a tight leash; sorry I couldn't come to their party." Hermione turned with Teddy's line of sight at Charlie and George holding Lily and Winnie.

"Well, you must come at Christmas. We've missed you." The bell whistled, so she hugged him tightly and watched as he ran onto the train and waved to her from the prefects compartment.

"I want to go to Hogwarts and make sure they get there." Hermione suddenly said, taking Lily from Charlie.

"That can be arranged." Her smile broadened, but faltered for a moment when Percy stepped out of nowhere and touched her arm, he was reaching for Lily and it made Hermione nervous.

"I'm sorry I missed the birthday, things are crazy at the Ministry." She didn't know exactly why, but his presence made her extremely nervous, so she motioned to Severus and Dean Thomas, who were standing nearby and wrapped her arms around her waist.

"It's perfectly fine, there's always next year." She stammered, unable to meet his gaze as Lily teacher for her, obviously as uncomfortable as Hermione was.

"Ready?" Severus asked, taking Winnie from George and then walking with Hermione away from the platform, towards the apparition point where aurors and her brothers-in-law gave them protection. Aurors had ridden the train and accompanied the family to make sure they all made it safely to their next destination.

They were greeted at the gates by Hagrid and Sinistra's owl, giving her a letter about the safety of the children and policies put in place that would continue to protect them. It was peace of mind if nothing else. Together, she walked with Severus to the lake and cemetery, spent time cleaning around the graves and talked to them about the girl's first birthday and how much she missed them. Severus had taken Winnie and Lily to visit in Hagrid's hut so she could have privacy, only the aurors and Charlie watched from a distance, ready to strike should anything happen, but nothing did. She was able to get out all of her sadness, loss, everything she'd felt over the year and how much she missed all of them, even the guilt she felt in moving on,especially the guilt. It was difficult for her to explain to Ron why she believed she and Severus were moving towards something more and that she hoped that it was with his blessing; she knew it was only for her heart that she was saying these things, trying to assuage her guilt, but it still mattered to her. She knew through therapy with her healer that carrying guilt for moving on, as long as it wasn't hurting her or the children, was unhealthy. Moving on was okay, encouraged,by her healer, but Hermione knew she would feel the guilt of her actions for a long time.

"Everything alright?" Charlie asked, stepping closer as he watched her becoming more upset.

"Yes and no. I feel so guilty." She wiped her eyes and stood with Charlie, dusting off her robes.

"Is this about Severus?" Her eyes jumped to his. "Did you really think no one noticed? I mean, I know nothing happened before the summer, but you and old fussy have such an interesting chemistry." Hermione pushed him, then folded her arms and tried not to think about everyone in the Weasley family knowing she was seeing Severus.

"Does everyone know?"

"Well, we don't sit and talk about it, but I think George figured it out. I don't plan on saying anything, if you're worried." Charlie put his arm around her and brought her close.

"I don't want to mess this up with him, I care about him so much."

"The Moulin Rouge." He whispered and she wasn't sure whether it was a question or simply a statement of understanding, so she didn't say anything, she just put her arm around his waist and held him. They didn't speak again until everyone returned to Grimmauld Place, packed up a few little things she'd left to the last and waited on Severus to arrive.

"I didn't see Draco at King's Cross, is everything okay?" Hermione watched as Severus sat with Winnie at her desk, the little girl almost asleep.

"No, Astoria is diminishing rapidly. Lucius took Scorpius to King's Cross so that Draco could say goodbye to Astoria in peace, Scorpius said goodbye before he left this morning, knowingly I bet." Hermione sat softly on her bed, the grief of her own loss hitting her as she thought about Astoria dying and she wanted to be there for Draco.

"Is there anything we can do?" She asked, tears gathering in her eyes, making her see him in a blur, her daughter cozy in his arms.

"I've done everything I can, I was going to speak to you about this but Astoria asked for pain relief and-" He felt suddenly uncomfortable with Winnie in his arms as he spoke of Astoria, so he stood and carried her to the nursery where Lily was already resting and came back to Hermione, giving her a handkerchief and settling back in her chair. "She's dying today, Hermione." He finally said, not wanting to sugarcoat it or hide.

"Does Draco need us? We can go there, they shouldn't be alone."

"Are you sure? It might be difficult for you, given what happened-" She stood and walked to him, settling across his lap, her arms around his neck.

"He shouldn't be alone. I assume Lucius is watching Hyperion? Have him come here with the girls, I'm sure Charlie wouldn't mind." He kissed hard, wondering how her heart continued to amaze him, even when he thought he knew the depths, she continued to surprise him.

"Let me owl him and we'll leave." Severus squeezed her tightly then she stood and laid down for a moment, thinking about Scorpius and how he and Albus would have one more thing in common, that thought made her so sad yet happy that they'd have each other.

"Charlie has agreed to watch them." He crawled beside her and they rested for a moment before Hermione turned to him, kissed him softly then went to the loo. She freshened up and they left for Cherrybrook, the home Narcissa had purchased after the war and waited in the foyer until Narcissa came to them, explaining that Astoria had rallied and felt a bit better so she wrote something out for Scorpius and Hyperion, that she would see them for a moment before her last dose.

"You aren't in any pain?" Severus asked, looking Astoria over. He'd spent months coming up with something to dull her pain and had worried Hermione would think them unethical for helping Astoria in this way.

"No pain, thank you Severus, it has truly been an honor knowing you." Hermione had never seen Astoria so frail; gone was elegant woman with long fingers and even longer legs, instead she saw a woman disfigured, dying and she remembered for a moment how pristine Ron had looked, how undead. It brought it all back, suddenly, the feelings of loss and sadness, of having to say goodbye at too young an age, especially after everything they'd experienced together. Watching Draco climb next to Astoria and take her in his arms, Hermione couldn't stop her tears from falling; like a steady Spring shower, her tears fell for Ron, for Harry and Ginny unable to see their children grow, Molly and Arthur who'd become true parents to her, and for her children, how their lives were forever altered. The war was over, but the pain and effects of war weren't. She wiped her eyes but the tears wouldn't stop, she couldn't take her eyes from Draco and Astoria, the way he cupped her face, smoothed her hair, held her against him and how small she was in his arms. Severus moved to stand with Hermione, putting his arm around her waist and pulling her close as she began to falter, her own panic rising. How had she thought she would survive that day without falling to tears? She knew she wasn't as together as she had felt, blindly in denial she had gone through the motions to make sure the children were off to Hogwarts and safe, but tucked in Severus' arms, she fell apart. And then she heard it, the death rattle, the last breath and she abruptly remembered giving birth to Winnie; somehow, that sound unlocked her mind and gave her memory of the swift birth of Winnie, even though the details were still incredibly fuzzy and vague, she remembered seeing her in Severus' arms. It was a comfort, thinking of Winnie being born and how the taking and giving of life happened in a cycle, and even if it didn't seem fair that Harry had already given so much of himself and died or that Molly and Arthur had fought two wars against Voldemort, she knew that the universe didn't operate upon fairness, that even the best of people weren't guaranteed life.

"I'm so sorry, Draco." Hermione heard Narcissa say, pulling him into a hug as he reluctantly stood, knowing that the Ministry needed to be alerted that Astoria had passed.

"Do you need anything presently?" Severus asked Narcissa and Lucius, surprisingly standing together and talking low. He was still holding Hermione when Lucius put his hand on Draco's shoulder and turned from his former wife and son.

"We could all use some tea, I think." Lucius remarked, knowing that Hermione might need to leave the room. Severus nodded and took Hermione's hand, they walked together down the stairs from Draco and Astoria's room, and found Narcissa's house elf since Severus wasn't as familiar with Cherrybrook as he had been Malfoy Manor, and Hermione wouldn't let him go once they got to the kitchen, so he couldn't have actually made tea on his own. Slowly, his fingers made circles on her back; he knew that once Hermione saw Astoria, the memory of her family being taken would come back to her.

"What about you, do you need anything?" Severus whispered in her ear, she pulled back from him and shook her head, she just held him tighter.

"Just hold me, please." He complied, feeling her emotions wash over him so severely he thought he might lose his breath.

"Hermione, we can go back to Grimmauld Place, we don't have to stay."

"We can stay a while more, Draco might need us." She pulled away and wiped her face again and took the tray from the elf and climbed the stairs with Severus following her quietly. Lucius, Narcissa, and Draco were sitting in the upstairs den, solemn and quiet, she hated to disturb them but she knew some tea might help them at least calm.

"Do you need us to keep Hyperion for the night? I can report at a later time at the embassy." Hermione took a seat next to Draco and held his held as it trembled.

"No, father will collect him later, I know he'll be missing his own room, he's always been terrible about sleeping somewhere new. If something changes though, I will send an owl." Hermione took this as the permission she needed to leave the Malfoys to their mourning. Her arms circled him for a moment, then she rose and kissed Lucius' cheek, shook Narcissa's hand and then Severus'. They walked down the stairs together, then they stood on the stoop, taking a moment to breathe before apparating to Grimmauld Place where Charlie was playing with the girls and Hyperion in the garden. Both girls ran to them as they came through, practically attached to their legs as they tried to walk. Hermione hugged them and reached for Hyperion.

"Your grandfather will be here later. Would you like some dinner?"

"Yes, thank you." Hyperion ran away immediately, going back to play with Charlie and the charmed dragons flying around them, blowing fake fire. Lily and Winnie squealed loudly as the dragons zoomed around them. Their laughter made Hermione feel lighter somehow and that lightness carried her back into the house, looking back once more to see Charlie having a great time with his nieces.

"It's going to be weird not being here for a while. I've instructed Kreacher to keep the place up, but we'll see. And of course, you are always welcome to stay here if you don't want to go back to Cokeworth." She knew she was talking just to talk, but she also wanted him to know he was welcome at Grimmauld Place even if she and the girls weren't there, like she'd told him before when she'd gone to York.

"If I am not staying in Cokeworth, than I'd rather be in Ireland." His reply made her smile, perhaps things wouldn't be so different after all.

"Well, you will always be welcome, Ireland, here, wherever Eugene Crawford sends me." Severus leaned forward on his elbow and kissed her as they sat in the nook.

"We can talk more later; I need to reschedule our date, it seems."

"Yes, I think we should reschedule. If Draco needs space, Hyperion may stay here and I won't leave for Ireland until tomorrow. I am going to send Shacklebolt and Crawford an owl so they know I won't report tomorrow due to Astoria's passing. Will you stay?" She heard the oven ding, the preheat was ready so she put the casserole in and returned to sit next to him.

"Of course I will." They sat quietly for a while until the kids roared in and Charlie helped them wash their hands and faces.

"What is Billy up to today?" Hermione asked, spooning food for the kids in bowls and pouring them all milk.

"He had a conference call after we dropped the kids off at King's Cross, but he'll be here at dinner, bringing some delicious dessert from that new restaurant beside the Ministry, the German one." Hermione perked up, it had been a while since she'd had German food and she wanted to spend more time with Billy now that he was to be her brother-in-law.

When Lucius arrived an hour later, he found them all seated at the table, finishing up dessert and talking of the letter Hermione had just received from Albus and Scorpius. When he entered the dining room, Hyperion immediately jumped up and came to his side.

"Grandfather, Scorpius is a Slytherin and so is Albus!" He shrieked, making Lucius grin with delight that Scorpius was continuing the malfoy tradition because he didn't believe Hyperion would.

"Well this is a celebration for sure, then." Hermione stood and showed him the letter, in which Albus simply wrote, 'You were right' and drew a snake.

"See, I told you, Severus, Alby is far more cunning than you imagined." Severus nodded and held his glass up to toast with her. She wondered how Scorpios was fairing, knowing his mother was gone or if he did know. She was sure Lucius had sent word to Professor Sinistra so Scorpius could be excused to attend the funeral, but she didn't want to ask him before he could speak with Hyperion.

"This black forest cake is simply divine, where was it purchased?" Billy and Lucius talked for a while, but Hermione didn't really hear them, she wiped both of the girls' faces clean and then their hands before carrying them to the bathroom for a good washing. It seemed the year had flown by when she looked at them, their minds and personalities progressing at rapid rates and though since they were born she had spent so much time with them, the thought of missing their next milestones while she worked made her heart heavy. She knew getting back to work would be good for her, to focus on all of the work she'd done to get that point, using her brain to tackle international issues, but at the same time, she hoped she wouldn't miss time with them as much as she felt she would in the moment. Guilt from missing some of Rose's early moments made her focus on the girls more in moments when it felt overwhelming.

"Are you ready to go to Ireland? Mummy is going to have a new job and you'll get to play with other children." Hermione rinsed Lily's hair as they splashed a bit and giggled.

"Seb!" Winnie screamed as Severus appeared at the door. He normally helped with bathtime when he was around, helping Hermione wrangle the girls into pajamas and new nappies, and reading them a story before sleep. He grabbed towels for them and bundled Winnie first, kneeling with her, then scooping her up and taking her to the nursery. It surprised even himself how the girls viewed him as someone they could trust, someone they clearly loved, and though it was completely out of character, the girls had changed him, allowing the part of himself that he'd hidden or denied since he was young, to flourish with them, with Hermione. As he helped Winnie into her sleeper, she kissed him and waited as he dried her hair again, it was much thicker than Lily's so it took much longer to dry. She curled against him, her tiny hand went into his hair as they waited on Lily to get into her pajamas as well.

"What are we reading tonight?" His rich voice filled the nursery as Lily brought him the Velveteen rabbit, lying against Hermione as Winnie did against Severus, and listening to his voice as their little eyes drooped. When it was clear they were going to fall asleep, Hermione kissed them both, pulling their soft blanket around them and leaving the little light on in case they woke. When she and Severus returned to the kitchen, Lucius was talking to Hyperion and preparing to go back to Cherrybrook.

"Please let me know about arrangements and such, I want to help any way I can." Hermione said to Lucius, who held his grandson's hand in his.

"Of course, have a safe trip tomorrow." Lucius kissed her cheek and left with Hyperion. Charlie and Billy remained so they could accompany Hermione in the morning since apparating with the girls was never easy.

"Thank you both for all your help." She hugged Charlie first and then Billy, she wondered for a moment how much Charlie had told Billy about the Moulin Rouge incident and she was suddenly embarrassed.

"What has you so red?" Severus purred in her ear as they entered her room.

"Trying not to think about it." She said quickly, shoving the memories from the Moulin Rouge in a book quickly and placing it on her imaginary shelf, trying her best to think of anything else, except then her mind travelled back to Astoria, to Ron and his family, to Harry. She changed quickly and crawled into bed next to Severus. His arm went immediately around her shoulder.

"It is perfectly fine to be upset, you know." She felt him speak just as much as she heard him, resting the side of her face against his chest and listening to his heart beat.

"I know, this day is just going to be terrible for years, and now we must add Astoria to the list." Her hand rested on his stomach while she spoke, he brought it to his lips and kissed her open palm, sending a chill down her spine.

"Are you trying to seduce me, Professor?" She teased, watching his face contort, as though her words summoned a very different time in his life.

"Do you make it a habit to think of me as your disciplinarian?" Severus returned the teasing, suddenly imaging her in a different light, reminding himself for a moment that he was nineteen years older than her, that if anything had happened between them when she was younger, she would've found a far different man. The year he'd convalesced with her had changed him, though it still took many years, he began to trust people as he hadn't since he was barely a teenager. She had done this for him, even when he was caustic and cruel to her, she'd continued to care for him and he'd pushed her away. Hermione felt his trepidation and mistook it for reluctance.

"I'm sorry, did I make it weird?" Severus immediately took her chin and tilted it up to him. He couldn't imagine hurting her like that again, pushing her away, making her leave him. Admittedly, he was far too invested; he knew he loved the girls, that he would try to make things with the older children better, and he certainly had loved her longer than he thought possible.

"No, not at all, I was just thinking about Hogwarts, how I was a fool."

"You were, but there's no sense in wondering how differently things might have been. Maybe the space was what we needed to fully realize how much we cared about each other, or at least for me to see it as more than an attachment to an ill patient. For a while after I left, I wondered if I'd manufactured those feelings to assuage the guilt I felt in leaving you in the Shrieking Shack, even if I did go back eventually." She leaned up and kissed him softly. "But I know now that I've loved you for a long time, even if there are times I feel like I barely understand your life."

"There's not much to understand.I made foolish mistakes and I refuse to do so again." When he leaned in to kiss her, she closed her eyes and found the weight of his body against hers so comforting.

"I love you, Severus." She felt emboldened by the knowledge of life being so incredibly fragile, of losing people she loved in the blink of an eye and she just didn't want Severus to question anything about her affections or devotion to him.

"I love you, too, and I refuse to let you go again." She couldn't believe his words, she couldn't believe how open and honest he was being when just months before they'd fought so disasterly that she'd left in hopes to avoid making things so bad with him that they never spoke again, and now she was in his arms, and he'd told her he loved her. He'd admitted as much not that long ago, but he hadn't said it in quite that way, and it made her heart beat rapidly.

"You're ruining me." Pulling away from him, she raised herself up on her elbows and stared at him, her eyes roaming over him and she did and almost making him blush.

"I'll have you know that I have not 'ruined' you quite enough, my dear." Being so much stronger than Hermione, he tossed her on her back with little effort and brought his lips to hers, gently pressing himself against her and her into the bed. No more words were spoken, they weren't needed, and when they finally fell asleep, they didn't wake until they heard the giggles of two tiny girls, standing and waiting for Hermione as she reluctantly left the bed, she kissed him softly and went to them, wondering how long it would be before they at Grimmauld Place again.

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

She'd been in Ireland for a week when she finally got to real work. Between making sure all of their belongings made it to Ireland and returning to England for Astoria's funeral, Hermione had spent little time in her actual job. The child care in the Irish Embassy far surpassed her expectations and she began to feel less guilty returning to work because the girls seemed to really enjoy being around other children their age, though she had to correct people all the time that they weren't twins. Although she did use her knowledge of law quite frequently, Hermione found that she spent much more time dealing with disagreements between Ireland and Northern Ireland, which she hadn't expected so much. The magical communities in both places seemed to remain rivals, even though the disputes they'd had, apparently for centuries, had been settled more times than she could count. Studying the legal precedents took more hours than she'd ever spent on any single case in England, but being busy and feeling as though she was accomplishing something gave her the satisfaction. Typically, Severus came for the weekends and sometimes throughout the week she saw him for lunch or dinner, depending on his workload with Seamus and their new co-worker, Carson McNair, who had applied for the transfer as soon as Eugene Crawford was officially sworn in as the Minister for Magic. Although Hermione had visited him a few times at the Ministry and they hadn't purposely kept things quiet, they hadn't gone out of their way to advertise themselves as a couple. She knew Severus was a private man, especially now that his parole was over, but she did enjoy when they were able to attend things together.

For her birthday, Severus decided to ask Charlie and Billy to watch the girls so he could take Hermione on a proper date, though he felt far more for her than most people did on a first date, he still wanted to approach her with as much gentility as he could. He didn't tell her much about where they were going except that she needed sensible shoes and an appetite. When they arrived at the restaurant, Hermione realized, within moment of entering the establishment, that it was owned by Luna and Rolf Scamander, featuring a myriad of dishes from their travels around the world.

"I'm shocked." Hermione smiled broadly, digging in her purse for a picture of Lily and Winnie for Luna, since it had been a while since she'd written her or sent her pictures.

"Does this mean you all will be home more?" Hermione asked as Luna came to their table with a basket of assorted breads, cheeses, and jams, sitting with them for a moment before Rolf called to her for their hourly song, which clearly made Severus uncomfortable but made Hermione smile from ear to ear.

"Sort of, my father is going to run things when we go on trips for Papa Newt, but mostly we'll be here." Leaning in, Luna gave Hermione a bear hug then Severus before she scampered away, leaving Hermione and Severus to their somewhat quiet corner with the sweet breads and warm mead.

"You've outdone yourself, Severus." When her hand met his, she felt just how happy he was to be with her, even if uncomfortable to be surrounded by the oddities of Luna's life.

"It is your birthday, after all, and we've yet to enjoy it without too much turmoil." His smirk forced her to laugh, he was right the previous year she'd been leaky and morose, still in such pain from losing her husband and giving birth, family, and best friend, and years before that there always seemed to be some chaos around September nineteenth, so it felt strangely odd to be sitting in a quaint restaurant with Severus.

"I think I'll have the kebabs and stuffed grape leaves." Hermione told the sweet waitress, a small thing who looked like she would blow away in the wind if it picked up.

"The black bean curry and salmon." After ordering, Severus poured Hermione more mead and watched her in wonder, looking around the restaurant as though she'd never been anywhere before; it reminded him how like a sponge she was, soaking up everything around her in delight.

"You'll be in Florence this week?" Hermione's mind finally turned back to Severus, as she sipped the mead and nibbled some bread that looked like pumpernickel.

"Yes, four days so I can meet with Theo Orsini, the new minister of the region to discuss new legislation to help centaurs achieve citizenship. What does your week look like?" They continued in happy, easy conversation for two hours before they said goodbye to Luna and Rolf, then left for the second part of her birthday celebration. Severus pulled her into his arms and they were gone, landing softly in a great open field.

"It's a short walk." Hermione looked to him with skepticism, wondering why he hadn't apparated them directly to wherever they were going, but soon understood completely when they came upon Stonehenge.

"Severus?" He tilted her chin up and watched as she struggled to take it all in. First he'd thought to take her to Hogwarts to see the stars again from the perfect vantage point of the Astronomy tower, but he thought better of it when he remembered they'd be at a quidditch match in a week's time. He remembered her saying she'd never been to Stonehenge and immediately knew she'd see the night's sky as she never had before.

"Severus?" She felt his arms go around her, snuggling her tight as they leaned near one of the massive stones, both looking up.

"Yes?"

"Why do you love the stars so much?" Turning slightly in his arms, she kissed his cheek and jaw, watching his eyes as they danced on the horizon.

"Endless possibilities." His reply was soft, like the kisses he placed across her neck and collarbone as she turned completely in his arms. For a moment, Hermione was sad for him, knowing how terrible his young life had been. It reminded her that Martin and Jane Granger, though imperfect, loved her despite all the things they hadn't understood about her as a child. She felt her heart burst as she pulled him into a kiss, deepening as they stood under the wondrous sky.

"I love you, I hope you know."

"I'm sure of nothing more." Hermione shivered into him, burying her head beneath his chin and reveled in the moment of quiet and solitude, before they returned to Ireland to gather the girls and go to Florence where she'd be without him for almost an entire week. It took all of her resilience not to beg him to quit the Ministry and follow her everywhere, to let her lavish him with all the love he'd gone without for so many years, yet she knew she could never ask him to be her shadow, to simply exist with her because he was a Renaissance Man, capable and desirous to be of need.

When they walked through the doors of her flat in Dublin, they found Charlie and Billy watching a movie on her telly, which was rarely on. As though they hadn't arrived at all, Charlie waved them off. Before retiring to her room, Hermione peeked in on the girls, made sure the kittens had food and water, then took Severus in her arms.

"Have you had a good birthday?" He asked her, pushing her sleeve off her shoulder, placing a kiss where it had been. Her skin was still cool to touch from being in the open, but it was inviting like her eyes which looked upon him as though she had never loved anyone more.

"Of course, thank you." He took her to bed, relishing their time together before she and the girls would be gone for a short Italian trip, wishing more than anything he could stop the echo of his heart, the desire to make her his permanently. He knew it was too soon, worried she would not be ready to wed again; yet, despite his misgivings, he was sure that one day she would be his wife and he would continue to try and undo the years he'd spent pretending not to care for her.

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

Later in the week, after a small sojourn to Florence where Hermione and the girls spent time with the new Minister for Magic in Italy, Theo Orsini, and his family. His wife, Antigone and two sons, Paolo and TT (Theo Two), made them feel welcome, feeding them exorbitant amounts of traditional Florentine food and walking through the easy streets and to the river bank. It was the break from battling Irish magical factions that Hermione hadn't realized she'd needed and she'd fallen hard for Florence itself, so when she had to leave for Scotland, she was reluctant. Although so happy to be seeing her children and catching up with Severus after a week apart, it was hard to leave the beauty and splendor of Florence. As she and the girls arrived at the gates of Hogwarts, they made their way down to the quidditch pitch with their Gryffindor attire on, thankful that it was Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw and not Slytherin. As she rounded the corner to the stairs, climbing up to Gryffindor seats, she wondered where Severus and Charlie were, as they were supposed to meet her at the gates. As they took seats, Hermione found Hagrid and let the girls play with his beard, he jostled them around and listened as they giggled.

"Have you seen Charlie or Severus?" Hermione asked, but Hagrid shook his head as they match began, the announcer calling Rose and James' names as they flew through the air, swinging near them for a moment so the girls could see them.

"Mynee!" Hermione turned as Albus and Scorpius ran towards them, sporting Gryffindor scarves. It made her laugh to see them in red and gold.

"How are you? I've missed you so much." Albus wrapped his arms around her tightly, his hand went immediately into her hair like it had so often when he was younger.

"I love it here, did you get my letter? I got yours from Florence. Did you have gelato? Did you see the Duomo?" Hermione hugged Scorpius before delving in to Albus' questions, they spoke between plays, between snacks and it dawned on Hermione that she still hadn't seen Severus or Charlie. But as soon as she realized this, she felt a note drop in her lap from an owl and read,'You need to come to the dressing room.' It was unsigned and though she immediately felt ill-at-ease about it, she felt that perhaps Charlie or Severus needed her.

"Hagrid, do you mind watching the girls for a moment? Alby, will you stay with them?" Hagrid nodded as did Albus, so Hermione swept down the stairs to the dressing rooms below the pitch where she quietly walked until she heard hushed voices and saw the last thing she expected; Severus and Professor Virginia Davies were standing across from each other near the Slytherin dressing rooms and she could tell the conversation was not a pleasant one. They were both shouting, both saying things she didn't quite understand until she moved a bit closer and noticed that Professor Davies was practically inches from thrusting her pelvis into Severus, as he tried to back away as quickly as possible. But she pounded on him as if they were old lovers.

"You cannot say it was not you who has been coming to my rooms, staying in my bed days on end without so much as a peek at the outside world? You dare to tell me there's an imposter? I don't believe you, Severus Snape. I know these hands, this face, this chest. I know you, Severus, and no amount of polyjuice or a glamour would fool me." The gorgeous blonde rested her palm on Severus' chest before he pushed it off and bent closer to her face, but in clear opposition of wishes.

"It was not me, as I have expressed several times already, ad nauseum. When we met in January, that was the last time you were with me, since then there has been an imposter and you know this. Approaching me today was unfathomably idiotic and you also know this." He sounded as caustic and exacting as she remembered from her student days. She couldn't quite see his face but felt that he was severe as he sounded.

"How can you say that it's been an imposter. When we were together before, you promised me that once the prison sentence was over we would live without anyone else getting involved. You told me that Granger and her brats would be gone, you lied as you are lying now. You just don't want to admit that you've been with me while you've been committing to this trollop. Who is she compared to what we've shared?" Hermione was floored; she'd thought this woman kind and at least conciliatory, but not this harpy who was acting more like the hormonal Lavender Brown of sixth year or even Fleur, before anyone really knew her. It made her sick, it made her insides churn. Hermione had truly believed that Virginia Davies had only known Severus in January, but it had never occurred to her that their had been more, for apparently much longer than she even thought possible. Their affair hadn't been simply a date in York and shag, now it was clear to Hermione based upon those words that Severus and Virginia had history. She could barely listen. She'd been so naive, and as though lightning struck, Hermione's remembered what Severus said the night of the Moulin Rouge- if he hadn't wanted to be seen, he wouldn't, yet she could fathom no reason he would want her to come across this. Had he meant, then, that he wanted Hermione to see that he wasn't pining away for her while she was dealing with the death of her husband or did he mean something else entirely? She looked at the note again, the summons to the dressing rooms and knew it wasn't his handwriting, but had never seen hers. Either way, she didn't want to watch them banter anymore, but found it difficult to walk away.

"I never promised you anything. I was clear, from the beginning, that Granger was it for me, even if she never came around. You let yourself believe that my mind would be altered, which it was not, it is not. You were contacted by the Ministry and told explicitly not to engage with anyone who looked like me, you were even given a keyphrase which you obviously do not care about." He folded his arms, looking away for a moment before towering over the woman. "I have not seen you or have wanted to since January, you have been fucking an imposter. Does that make you feel good about yourself, Virginia, that you are so desperate that you'll take a figment, a phantom into your bed because you're obsessed with something you can't have?" Hermione heard the smack before she saw it, and it made her cringe. Severus didn't budge, instead he stepped further back and took out his wand. His words reminded her of the Moulin Rouge again, he'd said something so similar to her when she was close to sleeping with Charlie.

"You will keep your hands to yourself. I have told you many times and I will say this once more; I am not ever going to seek you out, I am devoted wholly to Hermione Granger and her children, and if you ever try to pull what you've done today again, I will make sure you are fired and stripped of your mastery. Do not test me." Although it was clear from his postering that the conversation was over, Virginia grabbed his arm and pulled him close to her, forcing him to kiss her, a passionate mess Hermione could barely look away from little alone forget soon enough.

"Pretend all you want, Sev, but I know the truth." Hermione was breathless, as though she was seeing them again for the first time in the restaurant in January. Without pause, she turned from them, not willing to continue eavesdropping on something she shouldn't see, taking the steps back up to the seats while trying her best to hold back tears. Even though she knew that Severus had been true to her, had fought this woman, it still made her heart hurt to see them kiss, to know that there had been more than one time they'd been together and even though Severus had not been hers, that she'd never had a claim on him, it made her seethe with jealousy to know see them together. When she finally made it to her girls and Albus, she was visibly shaken, wondering who had sent her the note and knew that Severus and the professor were in the changing rooms. What if he had sent the note himself and things had escalated? There were just too many loose ends.

"A'righ there, 'Ermione?" Hagrid asked as she wiped her eyes and took Winnie from Scorpius, trying to keep it together but noting how her tiny girl started crying as well.

"No, I need to go. Ummm, Alby, I'm going down to the graves for a moment, when the game is over, come down and have your brother and sister meet me." Hermione grabbed Lily from him and took off, not even thinking of what she was doing except getting to the graves, to having a moment of peace with her girls tucked gently beside her. She tried to occlude, to go into her library, to tuck her feelings away so that Winnie, who had always been so sensitive to her emotions, would not become upset as well.

When they finally made it to Ron's tombstone, Hermione sat down quietly, snuggled the girls and decided to talk to them about their parents. She spent the better part of an hour talking and was surprised that the girls listened so aptly, both standing every now and then and touching the tombstones, fingering the letters and then, as though knowing their siblings were going to join them, sat with her and waited.

"You missed the match, Mum." Rose called, eyes bright with victory.

"I'm sorry, honey, I wanted to talk to dad for a while. I'm so glad you all won." Hermione jumped up, hugged James and Rose, then Albus before they all sat for a moment.

"The headmistress gave me permission to take you to lunch." Rose and James exchanged a happy look and followed Hermione, each holding one of the girls. When they finally made it to the Three Broomsticks, the food and drinks appeared quickly and conversation was easy. Even though it had only been a month, Hermione had truly missed her children. It had been so off without Albus in the house, so quiet and though the girls were silly and played, she missed cooking and playing with Albus more than she thought she would.

"Tell me about classes." Rose immediately launched into a story about her favorite professor, Neville Longbottom, then James told her all about Potions, though Hermione tried to appear impassive, as though beckoned by some other world, Severus appeared at the table with Charlie and Billy.

"Seb!" The girls screamed simultaneously, reaching for him as he sat down.

"Where you at the game?" Hermione asked, an almost stern but definitely tenuous voice, tapping her finger as she did.

"We watched the last bit, Billy wanted to see Hagrid's new hippogriff." Charlie replied, but Hermione didn't care about Charlie and Billy in the moment, she watched Severus like a hawk and knew that he could sense her ire. She knew that the conversation they would need to have would be awkward,and though she felt she had no reason to be angry with him, she was. Although she was proud of herself of assessing the situation with rationality, knowing that Severus was clear and honest with this woman he'd had a tryst, she assumed,with, she didn't know how they would handle his presence in the lives of children while Professor Davies was employed as their potions mistress. Lost in thought, she didn't feel the older children take the smaller ones to get ice cream quickly so she was left with Severus at the table as Charlie and Billy had accompanied the kids to Florence Fortescue's. She wondered if he'd seen her down by the changing rooms or simply assumed she'd been told by an auror or professor, at least that Professor Davies had been compromised in some way.

"Has the professor been detained?" Hermione asked, noting the beginnings of a bruise under Severus' left eye. She wanted him to know that she'd heard most of their conversation, that she'd seen the woman throw herself at him.

"Sinistra and Flitwick have her in the infirmary as they think she was under the imperius curse, though I have no doubt she meant every word she said, I know she didn't want those words to be said in front of you." His voice was passive, but she was glad at least that Virginia Davies hadn't sent her the note in an effort to taunt her. Hermione felt herself tearing up, wondering if there would ever be a time when she would have Severus Snape freely, no government or ex-lovers to intervene. It made her suddenly want a break, to examine his place in their lives and hers in his, to live life free of any spouse because she felt, even if the words hadn't been said the year before, she gone from Ron to Severus Immediately. But she simply couldn't imagine her life without him.

She applauded his resolve, even felt strength in his words and how devoted he sounded, but hated the questions it left concerning their former association and the danger of the imposter continuing to play the charade with Virginia Davies. The fact that the ministry had practically done nothing, nothing with this situation nor truly investigating the LeStranges, made Hermione concerned the corruption was all connected and that there would never be a solution

"Hermione-"

"I heard most of it, until she kissed you and then I had to leave." She could see the darkness of him in his eyes, anger, regret, sheer determination to destroy Virginia Davies. Though she was trying not to think about the woman who had known Severus before her, had felt his arms around her, kisses on her lips, hear his rich baritone voice late into the night and felt him rise in the morning, his insatiable lust she'd hoped was for her; yet, Hermione couldn't ask him about Virginia Davies for a moment. She needed to leave, to figure out who had tipped her off, to go back to Florence and her delicious orzo. Without looking at him she left the table and walked out of the Leaky Cauldron towards Florean Fortescue's, needing the fresh September air and time to think. When the kids finally appeared at her side, she relished their affections, their stories, they was they cared for Winnie and Lily.

"I hate that we must say goodbye again, but Halloween will be here in no time. Now, I love you and I'm only an owl's flight away." Rose kissed and hugged her first, then Albus, and lastly James who seemed to have grown two inches.

"Take care of each other." She added, taking one of the girls in the modified sling and then the other, walking to the gate and taking a breath before contemplating where she wanted to go first, knowing Eugene Crawford was sending her back to Florence, so she went to the flat in Ireland, readied the girls for bed and once they were asleep, she finished laundry and packed. After an hour of packing and making a list of things needed in Florence, she heard a knock at the door and reluctantly opened it, knowing it would be Severus prepared to have a conversation she was not ready to talk about. Instead he walked in, threw off his robes and brewed tea. She didn't acknowledge him and he did not acknowledge her. They simply existed for the evening until it was time for bed when Severus' resolve finally broke as Hermione left the room to shower.

"I don't deserve you, Hermione." His whispered words made her skin cool as his arms enveloped her, his chin resting on her shoulder, his arms encircled her, wishing he never had to let her go.

"I don't know what to say right now, Severus. It was a conversation I didn't expect to overhear while my children were in the stands and playing quidditch. Even under the imperious, it was a serious danger- she would've said it all, she would've done anything. It's unsafe for Winnie and Lily to be there until they at least figure out who is connected to the alterations: polyjuiced or glamoured you and her. I hate that I now have to worry about Hogwarts. "He felt immediately that he'd let her down, that he hadn't been able to shield her from the mistakes of his past, and that the children were now compromised as well.

"I'm sorry." Hermione silenced him. It wasn't his fault that Virginia Davies was somehow part of the ever growing ring of crimes connected to Harry Potter and to his family, her family.

"We can talk with the headmistress about security and the curious case of Professor Davies, especially now that she is indisposed." She wrenched herself from his grasp, the heat of his body stifling her as she imagined he and Virginia Davies intimate and more than once; she didn't know why it plagued her mind, why it bothered her so much more than imaging Severus with any other woman, women he probably shagged when he was young and lusting with power from the Death Eaters. The kisses between Virginia Davies and Severus Snape played on repeat over and over in her brain so much that the thought of kissing him herself made her heart stop, made her stomach drop, made her wish she was anywhere else but in her flat across from him. Hermione's hands shook as she reached for her beaded bag, then turned to him wiping her eyes.

"I'll take the girls with me in the morning back to Florence and then we'll be back here for Halloween, I guess owl when you're available to meet." She moved to her table, setting her bag down and opening her door.

"Are you excusing me?" He asked, a sneer on his lips as though she were an errant student and he still a potions master extraordinaire.

"Do you think it wise to have this conversation right now?" Hermione snapped back, casting a silencing spell on the nursery.

"You cannot push me away or run away from this. I've apologized for the situation and I will protect the children, even if it means staying at the school myself."

"Thank you, I know you care about the children and would protect them, but this isn't about them right now. They have uncles and aunts who will look out for them, they have me as well, and I know we will protect them." She felt she might faint from the anxiety, the constant gnawing at her heart.

"What else can I do? I cannot undo years of decisions I've made, I cannot force the Ministry to apprehend whoever is terrorizing this family. I have apologized, I don't know what else you want from me." As soon as the words had left his mouth, he realized his mistake; she would think his words meant he was free of guilt, he just wanted to imply that he felt trapped in his position.

"You've apologized, great, that doesn't erase it from my mind nor negate the fact that you were with her for far longer than I ever believed and my level of patience and honestly, maturity, makes it very difficult for me to stop seeing you with her, saying things like that you'll leave as soon as the sentence is completed or that my children are brats, that your affections for me were time sensitive and only strong because the Ministry forced it...even if everything that came out of her mouth was a lie, she still said it and it still came out of somewhere. And again, even if none of it was true, I heard it and my mind cannot be rational in this moment. I love you, I've loved you since I was nineteen and right now it feels like I'm a joke that all of this had been some game you played until it was comfortable to move on. I'm safe, we're disposable. My brats, whom I feel blessed beyond measure to have, love you, too, even the boys who have probably looked up to you their whole lives because their father did." She paused, her tears overwhelming her, her voice quivering and her body shaking as she fought herself, knowing that she was angry for the wrong reasons, she was jealous. "I told you I didn't think we should do this, but instead of walking away you have pushed me, just like you did the night of the Moulin Rouge, and I can't be rational right now so please stop." She summoned a flannel from the sink and wiped her face, wishing she could control her emotions but instead, she'd let her mind devolve into the mess standing before the man she loved.

"I should've told you that my relationship with her went further than my birthday; it was not a purposeful omission, I simply didn't want to burden you." She could see him battling with himself, feel his own emotions like a static around her, pouring into her like hers normally did into his. She knew it was not his fault that Virginia Davies had been so snared, so trapped by a figure pretending to be him, but it didn't erase the fact that he'd wanted the woman at some point and it made Hermione hate herself, her jealousy, the unrighteous anger boiling in her body.

"I have loved you most of my life, more than anyone else except these children and Ron and Harry, even if my love for you is very different. When I was nineteen, something called to me, told me to go to you and bring you back and I did, and my heart became yours...and now, when I can finally have you, these obstacles seem insurmountable, as though there will never be a moment when I can come across you in an open room, reach for you, kiss you with wild abandon because each time I do, something like this happens. I am not asking you to leave, I am not asking you to disappear, I am desperate to forget that woman because the part of me that's loved you since I was nineteen has taken over my brain and if I stand here another second, I will remember I was married to a man for almost fourteen years and I loved you, didn't I, the entire time, and he was killed, and you might be too, before I can ever really have you. Please, Severus, please, I am not asking you to leave, I never want you to leave I just need to breathe and remind myself that you're here, with me and that someday, if I am very lucky, we will know all the answers and I won't be afraid of another woman, some trollop who is not herself and a nameless, faceless enemy who seems to want us destroyed at every turn." Trembling, she threw herself at him, still incredibly angry at the situation but no longer at him. "What if we never find this person who is trying to hurt us?" Realizing that she'd worked her way through the many emotions ever swirling in her body, Severus felt his arms go around her tightly, the trembling continuing as he contemplated how best to help her.

"I love you, Hermione, I don't know what else to say or do, I'm at a loss...I'm so sorry." Sensing the absolute dread engulfing her, he lifted her in his arms, cradling her like a child and sat with her snuggled against him on the sofa, running his fingers through her hair and wondering how best to continue. This business with the imposter was growing far more complicated than he'd thought it would be and it didn't seem again, like with the LeStranges, that the Ministry was going to do anything about it. He took a deep breath and turned to her.

"I lost my virginity when I was sixteen to a girl who Lucius knew from Surrey, it was embarrassing for both of us but it helped me get Lily Evans out of my head for moment even if it didn't last. I idolized Lily, I obsessed over her because she was a bright beacon in a dark world, she'd accepted me when my parents were poor, at odds, when I educated myself on mother's dark works from her repulsive father, and in my young adulthood, I found women who looked like her. I was discrete, a new professor must be, and always treated them respectfully, knowing that I could never devote myself to anyone other than Dumbledore and the Dark Lord. Then you happened, you took my pitiful life and made me see I'd put Lily on a pedestal, I'd made her someone she wasn't and I was terrified I would do to you what she did to me, so I made you leave. You were, are, so young, so loving and so giving, you see the world with eyes I have never possessed and you saved me from myself so many times. But, as you married, had Rose and moved on I told myself I just do the same, I must not obsess over you or let myself fall into the same wasted existence because you'd given me a second chance in life," Severus paused, wondering if his words were helping or hurting the situation, but knowing she needed all of it to assuage her mind he continued, "I met Virginia at a potions conference while I was doing whatever the Ministry commanded me and we began seeing each other regularly, for a time, until my actual parole took place and my soul felt ripped in two every time I slept with her. It became clear to me that even though I'd tried not to, I'd desperately fought within myself to move on, I was devoted to you. I am ashamed that I continued to see her occasionally, but I was honest with her, I told her that I loved you and that I could never fully give myself to anyone else; I hate that physical need brought me to her bed, but I swear I never said anything to her about the parole ending, not promised her those things she claims. I hadn't seen her in three years until Shacklebolt sent me away last year and when I asked her to dinner near my birthday, it was an impulse, a fear...things with you had been terse, I feared you'd never forgive me or love me again, that I'd wasted my only chance all those years ago when you looked at me, as you're looking at me now. I have regretted many actions in my life, but being with her and seeing you with Seamus in that restaurant, I don't think I'll ever unfeel that heartache. Yet, it made me hope, it made me wonder if your jealousy meant more than-" He stopped, his words failed him; he'd already admitted more than he thought he'd ever say aloud and her large, beautiful eyes were swimming with tears.

"I've only ever kissed five men, I've only slept with two. Krum was my first kiss and it was magical, he cared for me when it seemed everyone else thought me annoying and rigid. Then, there was Cormac MacLaggen, who kissed me only because the punch was spiked and it was terrible. Ron kissed me in the Chamber of Secrets, I'd adored him for ages and thought that he finally wanted what I wanted, but we idealized each other, I ran to him when you pushed me away and gave everything to him, well that I could because you see now that we've made love, I know the feeling you described, of your soul being torn and it was like that all my years with Ron. There was always a dichotomy of feelings, happiness that we were together, his passion made me feel wanted even when he couldn't hide his repulsion at my scars, and his devotion to me was paramount, he loved me. And I didn't know it until later but I never let you go either. I would never have hurt Ron by compromising our marriage, but when you came back into my life it was like a storm ending, a drought finally drenched with rain, a tornado claiming my heart again and it took me years to see that I hadn't fought for you hard enough. And now," she lost herself in tears, "it feels like I'm battling the elements again. I'm brave, I'm a lioness protecting her herd but I need you, I want you and right now it feels impossible. I mean, I almost went to Charlie after the Moulin Rouge, after the lust potion and even rationalizing how monumental a mistake it would be. We've been through so much, Severus, what if it's all been too much?" Both raw and emotional, Severus wondered how he'd ever garnered her adoration in the first place. She was incredible, her heart an ever-burning furnace, teeming with affection for her family which included him now.

"How can I make this better, tell me." He whispered in her ear, pushing her hair aside and kissing her softly at top of her jawline.

"I don't know." They both turned as the nursery door opened and Winnie toddled out, her face red, her eyes watering as badly as Hermione's.

"Oh, darling, what's wrong?" Hermione bent down and gathered Winnie as she came to the sofa, pulling her close as the tiny girl wept, no intelligible words left her barely one year old.

"Did you have a bad dream, poppet?" Hermione wiped Winnie's face as Severus put his arms around both of them, breathing deeply as he did and hoping it would calm them. Winnie leaned from Hermione for a moment and kissed his cheek, whispering his name as though she was afraid he would disappear.

"You are alright, Winnie, Mummy has you and so does Severus, see, we love you my girl, so much." Running her fingers through Winnie's hair, Hermione let her rest on her shoulder, feeling her tiny arms circle her neck, the cadence of her whispers tickling her neck slightly before she fell asleep again, one hand in Hermione's hair and the other on Severus' arm. Hermione didn't say anything for a while, simply sat cocooned in Severus' arms with Winnie resting gently on her chest and lap, wondering if her emotions had really reached across the void of the flat and woke her daughter from sleep. Instead of taking her back to the nursery, Hermione shifted slightly and stood with her, walking to the master bedroom, she sat for a moment on the edge of the bed, then placed her gently in the middle, smoothing her curls as she watched her sleep, finally calm again. When Severus appeared at the door with Lily, she smiled at them.

"I love you." She whispered as he lay Lily down next to Winnie, they immediately moved towards each other, their hands touching for a moment in recognition and then settling back into restful sleep.

"When we find the perpetrators, they will find no mercy from me." He replied, his eyes as dark and damaged as they'd been the night she saved him, but instead of scaring her, it made her feel secure, it was his own way of telling her things would work out; this was Severus' optimism.

The next morning, the girls woke surprised to be in bed with Hermione and Severus, but neither adult had slept much so their tiny giggles were a welcome sign that it was morning and that another day had come. They didn't speak again on the matter before Hermione and the girls left for Florence. She kissed him deeply, hugged him tightly, but let herself let him go and this time, was thankful for the distance. When she received a missive from the headmistress that Professor Virginia Davies had been terminated, she felt a surge of guilt but as another letter arrived from Dean Thomas, she realized that things with Professor Davies had been worse than she imagined and she was thankful the headmistress had seen fit to let her go. Two weeks later, she appeared in court to testify against the woman who'd claimed she had been imperiused and polyjuiced, only to find that she hadn't been and was hiding something, tucked away tightly in her brain. The Wizengamot saw fit to place her under house arrest until she fully cooperated with the ongoing investigation of the perpetrator of identify theft with Severus, but it didn't seem she wanted to budge. Tucked away in Florence until Halloween, Hermione relished the river Arno, she watched her girls run with Paulo and TT, as artists painted the classics, and met with top leaders of other nations, negotiating on behalf of Eugene Crawford who appeared less than apt to govern the British WIzarding World. She met with Severus a few times until for lunch and then he came for a weekend after a case he, Seamus, and Carson MacNair were working on finally closed. They traveled with the girls back to Ireland and ate at her new favorite places, trying to find their rhythm again.

When Halloween arrived, Hermione left Winnie and Lily with Charlie for a few hours so she could some material at the craft store and made her little girls into cats like her mum had for her first Halloween, though she'd been a newborn. Winnie was a calico and Lily a white persian, both with pointy ears and longs tails, she prided herself on the transfiguration; she wished she would've done something with them the year before, but everything had been so crazy. After taking pictures of them, she took them to her parents' house and walked them around the neighborhood, collecting candy and singing songs. It felt normal for a night, to be with the girls and do Halloween as she had with Rose when she was small. After they watched the same cartoons she'd loved as a kid, she watched as her mum and dad changed the girls into pajamas and put them to bed in the guest room. They popped popcorn and watched, "The Fellowship of the Ring", Hermione and her mom stayed up for hours talking about everything, from her troubles with Severus to the looming mysteries still unsolved about the deaths of Ron, Harry, Ginny, Arthur, and Molly. Although she didn't want her mother to have any ill feelings towards Severus, she needed to talk to someone about everything and since her mother had always been supportive and objective, it seemed she was the best person to talk to.

"I just want things to be calm, normal." Hermione get her mind wandering as she sipped her tea and talked with her mum.

"Darling, your life has never been calm nor normal, I'm afraid, but I understand. You cannot not see it right now, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I promise. And Severus loves you and the children, it's been plain to see for a very long time." Jane Granger folded her hands in her lap and waited on Hermione to process what she'd said. "You know the story you told me about Winnie, coming to you when you and Severus were arguing, you did that as a little girl. Your magic manifested that way, bringing your father and I together; you hated to know we were fighting." Hermione looked up astonished, she didn't recall her mum telling her about this before and she certainly didn't remember it.

"I was sympathetic, too?" Hermione asked, curious.

"More like empathic, it was like you read our minds." Jane smiled and patted Hermione on the shoulder before putting the tea service away and walking with Hermione up the stairs to check on the girls and then retire. When Hermione went to Hogwarts the next day, she left the girls with her parents and took bucket loads of candy, school supplies, and pictures for the older children. She watched them play quidditch, played a round of chess with Alby before hugging them all tightly and making sure they knew to watch for curious behavior and tell Neville or Hagrid, she felt them the most trustworthy of the professors left and the least likely to be compromised. When she returned to her parents, she found Severus having tea with her father while the girls painted at the table.

"We thought you might like to go to dinner." Martin hugged Hermione's waist as she came to stand by the table, her eyes never leaving Severus'.

"Thank you, we won't be late." Kissing his cheek, she then moved to her girls and then took Severus' arm as they went to the back stoop and apparated away.

"I've missed you." She whispered as they landed in front of the Four Leaf Clover, one of Hermione's favorite restaurants in Leicester.

"I've missed you as well, come, tell me about the children." For a moment, Hermione wondered if Severus worried about them as she did, remained concerned even when they were supposed to be in the safest place in Britain, and she knew he did. She told him all about their day together, how Albus and Rose were starting a chess club with Neville as their sponsor and how James had volunteered to help the new potions professor collect supplies from the Forbidden Forest.

"I bet when they come home this Christmas they'll tell you themselves, but it was glorious to see them so happy." Taking a big gulp from her coffee, Hermione handed him three letters. "One is from Jamie and Rose, one from Alby, and one from Scorpius. Alby told me Draco explained how you helped Astoria, so I'm guess he's written you." Their fingers touched as she placed the letters on his side of the table, he rested them there, relishing in the feel of her soft skin under his.

"Did Rose pass her herbology exam? She was worried about it last time she wrote me." Hermione's eyebrow quirked, she didn't know Rose had been writing Severus.

"I bet she wrote about it, she didn't mention it today."

"Good, I directed her to a few texts though for all his shortcomings, Longbottom is an adequate professor." Hermione laughed at the look which crossed his face as he spoke about Neville, but she was happy to see that part of his prejudices had faded.

"I wish I'd had more time to see him today, but the kids were voracious, they wanted to show me everything. It seems like forever since they've been so animated."

"It would their mother benefited from this as well." He watched her eyes, impossibly large in happiness and looking to him more like she had months prior, before things with Virginia Davies had altered their happiness. He realized without the crazed person or persons that he might not have her at all, yet it made him feel no better about the situation because he wanted her the right way, both free.

"What's troubling you?" She asked, teaching for his other hand and waiting for him to respond, using her emotions to plead to him as things seemed to be finally turning around.

"I've missed you like this is all." It wasn't a lie, he had missed her desperately and each lunch or dinner, day or weekend he spent with her made it far more obvious that she had claimed him completely.

"Let's enjoy dinner, then I'll give you my schedule for the week and we can see if there's time for us to cohabitate." Bringing his hand to her lips, she kissed it quickly then grinned so broadly at him he forgot to be embarrassed that she was openly showing affection in a restaurant.

"We will make time, even if I have to make five stops in apparition each morning." He'd said exactly what Hermione wanted to hear, to assuage her once more of fear that things with them would never work, that he was flighty though she knew better deep within her heart.

"Did you see that Lily's hair has started to curl a bit at the ends? She and Winnie will look even more like twins now." Waiters moved in and around their table, deposited food and cleared everything away, brought them delicious wines and a chocolate mousse for dessert, but they were lost to the outside distraction. Although still unsure about many things, Hermione was not unsure about her feelings and devotion to Severus and hoped that when the Ministry finally forced Virginia Davies to give up the thing she was hiding so stubbornly in her brain, that she and Severus might marry, solve the rest of the great confusion and raise the children together. Lost in her daydream, she completely forgot where she was until Severus directed her to the guest room where two small redheads were sleeping peacefully. He transfigured the space to accommodate them, then changed, pulled her close in her bright yellow pajamas and kissed her softly, cradling her until they both fell asleep, still discontented to let her move an inch away until he was certain she wasn't going further.

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

 _(Hermione gives birth to Winnie)_

 _Severus watched as Hermione dissolved into tears completely asleep, she fitfully whimpered in pain as the healers controlled her contractions, giving her a safe pain potion and casting spells. When she reached for him, her eyes rolling open and staring into his as though seeing him for the first time in ages, it took all of his strength no to gather her in his arms and hold her as she birthed her second daughter. For a moment, he thought she might stay lucid, but it seemed she was going back and forth between awareness and a sort of concussionary delusion, so when she grabbed his hand and put it on her tensing and easing belly, he was shocked._

 _"What if she dies, too, like the my boys? What if she's taken, too? I don't think I can survive this day, Severus." Pulling him closer, practically onto the bed, he stopped her and watched as he face contorted and fell in pain, angry at his dismissal but he simply wanted to remove his frock coat and robes before helping her as she quickly went through labor. He thought it would take longer, he'd heard Ginevra Weasley birth their Lily Luna from Hermione's emergency bed and knew things had gone badly. Looking at Hermione, he wished he could save her from the pain, the doubt she was obviously struggling with._

 _"Here, let me pull your hair back." Hermione leaned forward a bit to allow him around her with a ribbon and spell, securing it in a bun on top of her head._

 _"What do you need?" His hands rested on hers, he would do anything she asked._

 _"Just don't leave me, too, please. If my girl dies, I don't think I can handle this." She murmured between contractions, they were coming fast and often, lasting longer than they had been. Severus had only been present at one other birth, his sister's but she had died moments after being born, his father practically strangling his mother because the little thing was frail, lifeless and though he'd only been five, he had never forgotten the absence of cries, the way his mother bled all over the bed and only when his father came home from drinking did he think to alert a hospital._

 _"Winifred Ruby is not going to die and neither are you. Here, hold my hand." He laced his fingers with hers, wiping her forehead with the flannel the healer had left. "You're doing well, overachiever." He tried to make a joke, to make light of the terrible day she'd had and was happy he had when her eyes met his and she smiled._

 _"Tell me a story." It took several breaths for her request to register with him and it was an odd request._

 _"A story?"_

 _"Yes, something to distract me, it's hurting more now." She squeezed his hand hard as another contraction took hold; he was in awe of her strength, how glorious she was as her body transformed to welcome her daughter._

 _"A very long time ago, there was a young woman enamored with a man, whom many believed too old and too evil for her, yet she pined for him, waited for years until they could be wed. When the time finally came, the man showed up at her estate, bringing her a hundred hydrangeas, roses, and lilies, all of glorious blue, the color she most loved. When her mother saw him enter the grounds, she cast a spell making him forget why he'd come, directing him back to the road and on his way. The young woman believed her mother when she said he hadn't shown up, that he hadn't written, but that night, when the young woman came across the sitting room filled with blue flowers, she knew he'd been there and that her mother had done something to make him leave. She hurried to the stables, mounted a horse and tracked him down, only when she finally found him, he was so altered, his mind had been erased of her entire presence, that she turned around and went home. Years later, heartbroken and miserable, she allowed her mother to arrange a wedding," he paused as the healer checked Hermione, their eyes never leaving each other, and then waiting as the rest of the team came into the room, pushing a cart with a special bed and covering, "she married a man she didn't love and sadly, did the same thing to her own daughter when she chose to fall for a dark wizard, but this time, her daughter remained with the dark wizard, even in death they can be found together, resisting the odds even in the afterlife." He stopped, there was more tale but he felt that the time to tell stories had ended when the mediwizard encouraged her to push._

 _"Severus, who was she?" She grunted, gripping his hand so tightly he could no longer feel his fingers._

 _"My grandmother was the youngest daughter, Valentyna Knossos Prince, who lavished all of her affections on my mother, Eileen and then eventually me, her only surviving grandchild." Hermione grinned, happy that Severus had known great love in his life, even if it wasn't directly himself._

 _"I didn't think it would have a happy ending." She whispered, breathing between pushes._

 _"You think it does?" He leaned closer to her, his lips practically at her ear as he smoothed her hair again and wiped her brow with the flannel._

 _"Yes, happy, as happy as we could have been." He almost missed it, her admission, but he didn't. Instead, he relished her words, felt how genuine she was, how much she'd loved him all those years ago and the regret that filled him was visible._

 _"Winnie is going to love you, she already does, she's shown me in dreams. Will you love her, Severus, if I cannot?" He watched as her eyes rolled, as she dipped in and out of consciousness, gripping him tightly and then not at all. "Severus, what if…" She faded again, her body still continuing to bring new life, even as she became delusional once more. "Severus, I wish…" She yelped, her tears starting again as the baby began to crown, the healers and mediwizard casting spells to keep her from fainting, to prepare the room for a newborn as it became clear it wouldn't be long._

 _"Are you asking me to take care of your children if something happens?" He asked her, tilting her chin towards him so that their eyes met and she nodded furiously._

 _"Yes, please, Rose loves you and Winnie does, too. Please, I know you'll be a great father." Surprise didn't cover the emotion he felt; aside from Lucius naming him godfather to Draco all those years before, no one had ever thought him capable of being a competent parent._

 _"Of course, of course I will, but you aren't going anywhere, Hermione." But as soon as the words left his mouth, she fainted, the spell monitoring her vital signs flatlined and she was out, gone, not breathing. Before Winifred Ruby was completely birthed, he could feel magic pulsing around them, the healers trying to stabilize Hermione who finally came back as Winnie emerged completely, quiet and small, she took her first breath and cried; it made him feel emotions he'd thought long since gone. Immediately, he felt something tether between he and Winnie, a bond complete the first time he looked into her eyes._

 _"I wish she was yours." Hermione's lips quivered, she shook as the baby was taken to be cleaned, weighed, measured, and bundled before being put in her special cot and rolled over to them. He didn't know how to react to her words, knowing she wasn't herself and distraught, completely grief stricken as she stared at the incredibly small, redheaded girl. They let Hermione hold her for a moment before it was clear she might pass out again._

 _"Promise me you'll love her, Severus, she'll need you." He couldn't surmise the true meaning of her words, so when his eyebrows wrinkled, Hermione frowned._

 _"Don't you want to love her, me, us? I'll make you happy this time, I promise, I won't push you or...I'll give you a child, I'll love you forever, I'll-" But she was out again, the baby handed to him for a moment so they could work on Hermione, get her blood loss under control. Before they took Winnie away, Severus stared down at her, her tiny hand holding his thumb so tightly he almost forgot she'd just been born. Winnie's eyes went wide when she looked to Severus and a tiny smile formed on her heart-shaped lips, gurgling and cooing Winifred Ruby's arm got free from the blanket wrapped tightly around her and tried to touch his face before he claimed her hands with his, one of her tiny hands still holding his thumb and the other his pinky. She was warm and soft, cocooned in his arms, the feeling nothing like he'd ever experienced before; it was welcome and comforting, as though just holding her and studying her cherub face made his heart expand._

 _"Of course I'll love you, Winnie." He whispered, resting his chin on his hand, where hers was still gripped tightly. He heard them wheel in the second bed with Lily in it and he wondered how he would tell Hermione that Ginny had died, that the baby in the cot was now hers, as well. Exchanging Winnie for Lily, he fed her a bottle, and tried to burp her, but it all felt awkward and surreal, holding the granddaughter of his first love in his arms, looking across the room to his second love, contemplating the ramblings of her harried mind and wishing they were free to love as with the time he'd forced her to leave. When Lily was taken away, he sat with Hermione and watched her rest, the calm of her sleep lasting in increments before she'd whimper and cry in her sleep, never truly waking again until the morning, when in a panic she suddenly remembered that her husband, best friends, and parents-in-law had died, and to his great shock, she forgot she'd even given birth, the words they'd exchanged lost to her. It strangled his heart, made him fear that he'd never know if she meant the words, but he resigned himself, steeled his expression, and helped her get through her first morning with Winnie, then Lily and her first feeding. He wondered if, perhaps, she'd someday do the things she'd promised, love him forever, make them a family, but he buried those thoughts, knowing it would do no good when she finally discovered his parole sentence and perhaps questioned if he loved her because he was forced to care about her safety. He worried he'd never prove he did, if given the chance, and that cut him in half, his whole self feeling burned from within by doubt and fear, a foreign feeling but still ever present. It pervaded all parts of his being until he finally realized they were Hermione's feelings as well, speaking loudly in a silent room and forcing him to admit he couldn't imagine life without her._


	16. Chapter 16

**AN:Percy is up to no good, the children accept Severus on a different level, Teddy Lupin returns and a horcrux is discovered, a proposal is made. Warnings- character deaths, suggestive lemons, language, visions of domestic violence. The next several chapters are rocky and expose more of the plot. Thank you for reading, responding, favoriting, and following.**

 **Christmas is All Around**

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

The weekend before students were released for Christmas holidays, Hermione invited Severus to come to a quidditch match with her and was surprised when he agreed. They took the girls with them, far more active and talkative now that they spent more time around children, and it seemed the threat of malicious forces was now gone from Hogwarts.

They walked together from the gates to the quidditch pitch, each holding one of the girls, and then sat with Gryffindor, watching Rose and James flying rapidly around the pitch. Albus and Scorpius came to sit with them since Gryffindor was playing Ravenclaw, and they enjoyed an afternoon together before they all returned to Grimmauld Place for the holidays.

"Mynee, is Mister Severus going to stay with us at Christmas?" Albus asked randomly as they waited for the game to start.

"You could ask him yourself, Alby." Albus turned to Severus who merely nodded.

"Yes, Mr. Potter, I will be attending Christmas at Grimmauld Place, so you'd better prepare your chess board." Severus said to Albus, who watched as their Uncle George took Lily and Winnie from Hermione and Severus, carrying them over to their other cousins. When the game was over, Hermione and Severus collected the girls and said goodbye to Albus, Rose, and James, who were thankful Gryffindor had won, though Hermione knew if they'd been playing Slytherin, the game might have been more contentious.

"We will see you this weekend, okay?" The children ran from the gates to the castle and Hermione and Severus apparated to Grimmauld Place to get things ready for the children coming home. After freshening up the rooms on the first floor, they worked together through the rest of the house while the girls took a nap, neither of them heard the door open and close, nor the steady feet in the kitchen area. When they came down the stairs together, hand in hand, they saw Percy standing in the den, looking over some paperwork.

"Oh, Percy, hello." Hermione still felt ill-at-ease in Percy's presence and she couldn't quite figure out why, it was as though when she was around him, a dementor entered the room and stole all of her happiness. Perhaps she equated him with losing Ron, with his indifference to his family during the war? She wasn't quite sure what it was, but regardless she felt uncomfortable and disgusted.

"I came to bring you this." Hermione cautiously stepped forward and as soon as her hand touched the letter, she felt something pulse through her.

"I'm sorry to do this right before Christmas, but it must be done." He walked to the door and stepped through without another word as Hermione unfolded the letter. It was a summons to court; Percy was requesting an inquisition into her validity as the guardian of the Potter children. Her first instinct was to follow him, to hex him and tell him exactly how she felt about his inquiry and her care of the children.

"He has started an investigation, Severus. He's trying to take them." She pushed the letter into his hand and went to the loo, trying not to fall apart but knowing she was going to cry, so she stood and thought about what he could possibly want the children for and why he was suddenly interested in her life. She thought back over the fifteen, almost sixteen months since Ron, Ginny, Harry, and Molly and Arthur were killed, how Percy had always questioned her place in the family and it didn't seem so shocking then.

"They cannot take the children from you, Hermione, they were left in your care, they don't know Percy well enough and there is nothing in your behavior that would make them take the children." But her eyes filled and she immediately began to worry. She had certificates of permanent adoption and placement, so it made her wonder how Percy had even brought a civil suit against her.

"He can use many things against me, everything to do with the sting- leaving the girls here while I pretended to be a whore. That will go over so well in court." He put his arms around her to make her stand still, but she fought him.

"Percy Weasley will not take these children, I promise you." But all she could think about was Lily being taken, of Albus and James having to live with Percy, those poor children without a real mother because as lovely as Audrey was, she was not the kind of mother Hermione was, not that she thought herself superior, but she was certainly more loving and affectionate. Hermione cared about her children, she worried for their safety, she was involved in their lives unlike Audrey and Percy, and suddenly she worried the other Weasleys agreed with Percy. Immediately, she pulled from Severus' grasp and went to her office, penning a letter and sending copies to George, Bill, and Charlie, asking if they supported Percy because she needed to know if she could count on them for testimony. Her mind raced with all the possible ways Percy could say she was a bad mother; it was crippling.

"I think we have to tell them, your brothers-in-law and children, we're in a relationship, stability without secrets will help." Severus said at the door, worried about the woman sitting at the desk, one he knew was a great mother.

"Yes, when they come home, we'll talk to them. They'll need to know about the investigation, even if nothing comes of it, they need to know." Severus nodded then came to stand beside her, placing a hand on her shoulder as she wrote. She was making a list of people who would give her a positive reference, but found that some of the people on the list wouldn't help her at all. With friends like the Malfoys, even though they still had a great deal of money, she worried they wouldn't hesitate to take the children.

"Even if they do a background check or small investigation, they cannot compare your treatment of the children to his, they don't even know him and you've literally raised Lily from birth." Hermione let his words wash over her, standing quickly and wrapping her arms around tightly around his waist, wishing that they could get through one holiday without something terrible happening.

"You're right, he cannot take them." Before she could finish her sentence, she felt the wards shift and saw three redheads from her bedroom door.

"What has our idiot brother done?" Bill called out, holding his copy of the missive Hermione sent them.

"He petitioned the court to look into my custody of Harry and Ginny's children, he thinks I am an unfit guardian." She explained, stepping away from Severus and going into the hall then den where they all sat together as Kreacher brought tea.

"This is ridiculous. We should've known he'd do this after all of the hullabaloo at the funeral." George interrupted, hitting the arm of the sofa with his fist.

"Look, he brought this up then but we made him drop it, I'm sorry he's trying again. We will fight him, we will make sure they know that you are an excellent mother and one Ginny picked to raise her children if she was gone." Charlie added, coming to sit next to her.

"Thank you." It was all she could muster as her hatred boiled, obsessing over Percy's intervention into her life and she couldn't stop herself.

"I am going to write Crawford and ask for extended leave so I can stay here while this is going on. I want the wards set against Percy and this Christmas, perhaps we should go elsewhere? I don't want him in this house with the children, I don't trust him not to take them and run, I am sorry to say." Her hand shook before Severus took it in his, he hadn't said a word but she knew he was thinking as hard as she was about the situation.

"Also, in case this isn't clear, Severus and I are in a relationship, should this come up in the proceedings, we have not presented this to the children yet, but we will." Bill looked to Charlie, who only grinned because of course he'd known for a while.

"Not news to us." George laughed, but Bill still looked surprised.

"Well I'll be damned." Bill looked between them, noticing for the first time that Severus looked upon Hermione with such devotion, he wasn't sure how he'd missed it.

"When we collect the kids this weekend, we can discuss where Christmas will be, but I don't know what exactly I should do. If I don't allow him to visit the children at all, won't that look suspicious? But if I let him here or even the children to visit, he could take them."

"Hermione, I think you should keep them here, have a family Christmas and don't worry about the rest of us, Percy knows what he's done is wrong and if he doesn't, he will." Bill responded.

"Thank you, I wish he wasn't doing this, I don't really understand why." But Severus had a guess and he didn't want Hermione to worry, so he kept his thoughts to himself.

"Maybe we can eat a meal together at some point, I hate that you all won't get to see the kids at Christmas." Turning in her seat, she heard one of the girls making sounds, so she went to them and found Winnie wide awake as Lily was slowly waking. It hurt her heart to think of the girls being split up not that they'd spent over the majority of their lives together.

Picking up Winnie first, she kissed her quickly and set her down, watching as she toddled immediately to the door and then down the hall where she heard her uncles and Severus talking. Hermione then lifted Lily from the cot and carried against her hip down the hallway.

"Someone's still sleepy." Lily peeked bashfully for a moment at her Uncle Charlie who reached for her and then extended her arms, until she saw Severus and clamored to get down.

"You must have some crazy spell on them." Charlie joked, but he knew the girls had always viewed Severus as a protector, someone they could trust, especially as Winnie fed off of the emotions around her and begged for safety if she felt uneasy.

"My parents will need to come, I don't think I can do this without them."

"Yes, I'll go to them. Billy and I have leave until January 15." Hermione acknowledged him and thought more about Percy, trying to understand why he was pushing to get custody, why he had even early on. It was extremely suspicious, but so many things had been since the accident. Kingsley had definitely been compromised and it wouldn't have shocked her if Percy and Eugene Crawford had as well. She didn't want to think in conspiracy theories, but she knew something wasn't right and she refused to bow down to the Ministry or Percy Weasley. And Virgina Davies still hadn't talked- there were too many loose ends.

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

Hermione sat with the girls at a small table and watched as they colored and made pictures of chaos, though she thought that they were doing pretty well for being fifteen months old. Rose came from the library where she and Severus had been playing chess, then Albus and James came down from their rooms, it was as though they all read her mind and joined her.

"I'm glad you're all here, I need to talk to you about something." Hermione looked up from the drawing she'd done for Lily to color of an otter, her patronus, and watched as the kids sat at the bigger table, Rose and James across from Severus and Albus, Severus with a look she couldn't quite discern but assumed was his own version of nervousness.

"Your Uncle Percy has filed a complaint about my custody of you, Jamie and Alby, and of course Lily, though she has no idea what I'm talking about." James immediately turned red, like Harry had been, he was quick to anger and protestation, so she stood and went to him. "He has filed this complaint, but I promise you I am going to fight it, unless you all would prefer being in his custody. I don't know for sure why he's doing this, but I love you all and I want you to know that your Uncle Percy is not a bad man, he's hurting still I'm sure and he is trying to deal with it in this way." James stood and hugged her tightly, he was taller than her now and she could barely breathe he was holding her so tightly.

"Uncle Percy is a prat, we don't want to go with him and we won't."

"There's something else, " She pulled from James and went to Severus' side, putting her hand on his shoulder and looking to the kids, "Severus and I are together, I know this might-"

Rose interrupted, "Finally! I've been wondering since the summer and didn't want to ask."

"Yeah, we all kind of figured." Hermione smiled, thinking they'd kept things under wraps and finding that the kids were more clever than she gave them credit for.

"Well, I'm sure this is something your Uncle Percy is going to bring up in the investigation. If you are asked to give information, I want you to be honest, don't think to spare my feelings. I love you all and I always will, nothing will change that." She looked to them individually, each of their eyes meeting hers and then to Severus, who looked contemplative still; it worried her.

"We love you too and we won't let him win." Albus interjected, standing to hug her as he hand still rested on Severus' shoulder.

"I don't want you to think badly of your Uncle Percy, he's upset and I'm sure once this is over, we'll be able to put this in the past, okay?" Hermione watched as Lily and Winnie continuing to color on their paper; they were so innocent, but as she looked to James, Albus, and then her Rose, she could see that their innocence, their naivety was gone. Severus cleared his throat, he hadn't planned what he would say to the children or to Hermione about their relationship, how serious he wanted to be with all of them. It was a bit overwhelming to think of his shifting relationship with them, with Hermione; he had never considered that he would be a father, however it happened, but he knew he wasn't going to give Hermione up and if that meant he was to parent the children with her, he was willing. Putting that into words proved difficult.

"I am sure you have heard more about my life before the final battle, I promised you that if you had questions, you could ask. I was a spy, as you know, and there were things I did that hurt people, including your father, and if your uncle chooses to, he can use this to try and show that I am unfit to be in your lives." Severus watched as they returned to their seats, the girls contented to continue coloring while they talked of more complicated things. Severus took a deep breath and for the first time since he could remember, he was genuinely concerned about their reaction and assumption of his guilt. "I killed Albus Dumbledore, though he asked me to do this, I killed him. I was exonerated, but the fact remains that this could come up in a trial and I do not want any of it to be surprising to you."

"You've been in my life since I was small, I don't see why now it should be a problem...you'd killed Dumbledore long before I met you and all my life since then, you've been like an uncle, more than Uncle Percy, and if now you are to be more like a father, I welcome that; my father isn't coming back and neither is theirs." Rose had tears in her eyes, he could hear the crack in her voice as she continued and watched as she came to his side and wrapped her arms at his waist, holding him like a much larger Winnie would.

"You are more like your mother than you know, Rose." He thought of Hermione's heart, how she'd always seen in the good in people and how that had influenced Rose, sitting across from him again and looking to him for answers and guidance.

"We don't need to hear all the stories or even to worry about it, our father believed you a good man and we do, too. If you make Mynee happy, then we are happy for you and as the only other Slytherin in this room, I must say that in our house, we don't suffer fools like Uncle Percy." Hermione's head snapped to Albus as he spoke.

"Alby, he's still your uncle." She didn't want them to think ill of their family, to think someone like Percy who was supposed to love and care for them was trying to hurt them, even if she didn't understand his motives.

"Well, he's started something and I don't think he understands that we won't forget that he's done this." She heard a bit of Ginny's fierceness in Albus' tone and for a moment she worried that she'd approached the situation the wrong way, that she'd somehow set them against their uncle without meaning to.

"Now, let us talk of something else like shopping tomorrow. Uncle Charlie and Billy are coming to watch the girls so we can get some things in Diagon Alley, and Grandma and Grandpa are coming tomorrow evening." Hermione handed Rose a tissue so she could wipe her face and then hugged her softly, wishing that all of the negative things would just disappear; it was Christmas time after all and she rarely got to see the older children.

"Alby, come help me with dinner. I want to hear all about Scorpius and your classes." Albus rose from his seat and walked over to Severus, extending his hand, grasping Severus' with both of his. "Dad always wanted you in our lives, Uncle Percy won't change that." He leaned in and hugged Severus, the first time he'd done so since he was very small and though it was a bit awkward for both of them, Severus knew he needed to accept the affections from the older children as he had the girls.

"Will you two watch the girls?" Hermione asked James and Rose who both immediately nodded. She turned and went into the kitchen, spending the next thirty minutes preparing dinner with Albus, hearing all about his classes and his favorite lessons, how he and Scorpius had made friends with some Ravenclaws and had been tutored by Teddy in History of Magic since he was a prefect, though he was a Hufflepuff, he was able to navigate through different common rooms. When dinner was finished, they retired to bed, the girls had their bath and then story time with their older siblings and then Hermione had the older children make their lists for the next day before she and Severus retired to her room, their room because now the didn't have to hide from the children anymore.

"I am surprised Alby was so-" Hermione brushed her hair and then sat next to him on the bed, trying to find the right word.

"Vocal?"

"Yes, he has always been sensitive to things, but this was new." Lathering her skin with lotion, she leaned over to him and kissed him softly.

"Thank you." She whispered, leaning against him completely, curling an arm under him and the other around his waist.

"What for?" He asked, curling his hand into her hair.

"Being here, with me, through all of this even though I know it makes you uncomfortable."

"It doesn't make me uncomfortable, I wish it wasn't happening, but I knew when this started that the children were part of the package." He kissed her forehead and pulled her over him, his hands moving up and down her sides, his thumbs going under her flannel shirt, resting at the top of her knickers.

"So you still love me?" Grabbing his hands, she pulled them further up, and rocked forward.

"Never doubt it." His words were low, seductive, and fully meant as he rolled her over, pushing her body into the bed. "It wasn't my intent to play my hand so early, to run you off if things weren't as solid as they are, if the children didn't support us, but I have every intention of making you mine permanently, Hermione." She felt it, the watering of her eyes start before he even finished what he was saying, and felt his emotions envelope her like hers had enveloped him so many times. Someday they would be married; the thought thrilled her and for the first time in years, Severus did not feel an ounce of guilt from her.

"Permanently yours?" She questioned, still not quite believing for a moment that he meant marriage, he just seemed like a man who might not need the particular title or commitment, but then again, he'd been devoted to his first love most of his life.

"Every single inch of you." He purred in her ear, kissing her lips ardently, pulling her body flush with his and trying his best to make her moan. She did, loudly and he thought it wise to silence the room so they didn't wake the girls.

"I am all yours, you know." She responded and then adding quickly, as he finished removing all of her clothes, "Forever." No other words were said the rest of the evening, but bright and early the next morning, he slipped a ring on her finger, a beautiful sapphire surrounded by diamonds.

"Severus?" She was barely awake when she looked down, seeing the ring and trying to make the connection. Although they'd really only been together since the end of May, she had no doubt in her mind that she loved him and wanted to be his wife, to be devoted to him and their family, the one they created together from the wreckage of the accident, and to have him completely, as he had her.

"I was being serious, Hermione. I want things between us to be permanent." He took her hand delicately between his and kissed her fingers, finally kissing her ring finger.

"How soon do you want this to occur?" Her hand trembled, he was serious, he really wanted to marry her.

"Whenever you would like, it's up to you. I just wanted it to be clear to you and the investigation that we are more than a passing fancy, I went into this knowing that this would be the endgame, that we would find each other as compatible as I knew we would, that I would accept those children and even though they'll never be mine, I will do for them what you ask, what you and they need. I am devoted to all of you and that's not going to change."

"Of course I'll marry you, of course." She couldn't find the words to respond properly, so she just held him and cried, wishing she could tell him how happy he made her, how much the children meant to her and now to him, it was something she hadn't expected at all.

"Let's get some breakfast and tell the children." She kissed him again, quickly, and then went to the kitchen, pulling her robe around her tightly, deciding it was a good morning for french toast and bangers, hearing the house come alive as she started up the stove, felt Severus come into the room and watch her, Lily babbling in his arms as she woke and then she heard Rose bring Winnie in, all of them chattering. She'd missed the sound so much, of children filling the house, of being needed by so many.

"Mum? Is that what I think it is?" Rose came over to the stove and looked at Hermione's ring finger, moving Winnie to her other hip.

"Yes, it is. Severus has asked me to marry him." Rose jumped a bit, making Winnie giggle, then she ran to Severus, wrapping her free arm around his waist. "Now, I didn't know it was that serious." She laughed, feeling his arm come around her, pulling her close.

"I know that marrying your mother is probably the best decision I'll ever make, aside from playing chess with you all those years ago and bringing you chocolate biscuits." Rose smiled up at him, her blue eyes looked as happy as he'd ever seen her, especially since her father died. The boys came in talking about quidditch, James was trying to talk Albus into trying out for his team because two players had been kicked off, but he wasn't getting very far because Albus was worried about balancing his classes and practice, especially as a first year.

"Well, at least ask Parkinson about it, she's wicked on a broom." Hermione turned to James quickly, hearing a name she hadn't heard in years.

"Your team's captain is a Parkinson?" Hermione asked, looking at Albus who simply shrugged.

"Yeah, Polly, she's kind of, ummm, intense but she has the best grades in potions and she's prefect, too." Hermione wondered if she was related to Pansy, but didn't ask. She hadn't seen Pansy at any of the quidditch games, but it wasn't a very common name even in the wizarding world.

"And her brother is in Hufflepuff, his name is Patrick, they're twins."

"That's interesting, are there a lot of twins at Hogwarts now?" Hermione turned the french toast and started piling it on the serving platter, sending the butter and syrup to the table as they kids got plates and put Lily and Winnie in their highchairs.

"Not an abnormal amount." James said, taking silverware to the table and then glasses for the orange juice and milk.

"We had two sets while I was there, one in Ravenclaw, one in Gryffindor, the other set were in Gryffindor. It's interesting to me how twins sort." Hermione ruffled James' hair, unruly like his father's had been, and brought the remainder of the food to the table.

"So, today, shopping and dinner with Grandma and Grandpa. Uncle Charlie said he's going to make lasagna, so when we get back you can wrap presents. Uncle George and Aunt Angelina are coming for dinner as well, so Roxanne and Fred will be here. Fred's just had his cast off, so please be careful if you fly with him." Cutting two pieces of french toast into smaller bites for the girls, she watched as they giggled, the syrup already in each of their hair.

"How about we put more in our mouth than our hair." Hermione used her wand to clean their hair and then ate, looking down at her ring every so often and then at Severus. It just didn't seem possible that he really wanted to marry her, to make their bond permanent, and to be parents together to the children piled at the table. She felt silly and giddish as she ate her breakfast, just the thought of telling her parents, of being married again and doing things differently, devoting herself to a cause worthier than her job...she knew that being married to Severus wasn't going to be perfect, they'd have their squabbles but she also knew they were well-suited, that her heart had longed for him for so long and she knew, without a doubt, that she and Severus would be devoted to each other in ways she hadn't been able to with Ron.

"Seb, pwease!" Winnie's tiny voice brought Hermione out of deep thought. When she looked over to Severus, she saw that he been cleaning Winnie's hand and holding her favorite stuffed animal, a unicorn she called Pink. "You don't want Pink to be messy, do you?" He admonished and watched as her face fell, she folded her arms across her chest and scowled at him.

"Good effort, Winifred, but your scowl cannot outdo mine. Here." He wiped her hands with his napkin, then pulled her from the chair, sending their plates, silverware, and cups to the kitchen. Once on his lap, Winnie continued to scowl with her arms folded, until Severus whispered something in her ear and gave her Pink, grinning himself when she threw her arms around his neck and stood on his thighs.

"Wub, Seb." Her tiny voice floated slowly to Hermione who couldn't help but smile, then Lily was jealous and wanted to sit with Severus as well.

"Same rules apply, Miss Lily Luna. Let me wipe your hands." Lily presented her hands and when Hermione was finished cleaning them, she helped her out of the highchair and watched as she ran to Severus, clamouring to be on his lap. Sometimes it still surprised her that Severus let them hang all over him, let them love him as equal to her as possible without complaint. Perhaps all the years he'd spend in service to Voldemort and Dumbledore had made him long for affection, for almost blind love children have for parents. It made her wonder if he wanted a biological child, she'd asked him once before but they'd never really discussed it. She didn't even know if she could have another child.

"Okay, let's wash up and we'll get going. I just heard your Uncle Charlie and Billy." Hermione looked to Severus who noticed her mood had shifted and then carried the dishes to the kitchen, absentmindedly washing them quickly as the kitten came in from their kitty door, both almost full grown now and almost impossible to tell apart. She piled some wet food for them in saucers and set it down; Soot and Midnight ate hungrily, as though she hadn't fed them at all the day before. She loved to hear their mewing.

"The children are ready when you are." Charlie said, coming into the kitchen. "Are you okay?" He saw a distraught look on her face and assumed it was about Percy, and though she had many conflicting thoughts in her mind, she wasn't thinking on anything specifically.

"No, yes, I don't know." When she put her hands in her steadily growing hair, he saw the ring.

"Severus asked you?" His voice was almost hysterical with joy as he squeezed her tightly.

"Yes, he did, sort of last night and this morning."

"And you said?" He cupped her face, tickling her neck a bit and making her laugh.

"Of course I said yes." Her amber eyes glowed with pride, he could tell her malaise was not about the engagement. "So why are you sad?" Her eyes flicked to the sink, the dishes, and she thought of losing the Potter children, of disappointing Severus if he wanted a biological child, of not being enough for him.

"Can we talk about it later?"

"Sure thing." He kissed both of her cheeks and held her again for a moment before she let him go, went to her room and changed for the day, pulling her hair back in a loose ponytail and layered her clothes in case the temperature dropped. They left through the floo for Diagon Alley and spent the majority of the day shopping before eating lunch together at the Leaky Cauldron. Hermione didn't let any of the children shop alone, they had to be with her or Severus, there was still a concern that Percy might try something with James and Albus. After eating lunch, Rose and Hermione went off to shop while Severus too the boys.

"So, are you going to be a Snape now?" Rose asked as they browsed through Flourish and Blotts.

"No, I didn't change my name with your dad, I won't now." Rose picked up a few quills and thought of something she could get for Severus.

"Do you think you'll have children?" Hermione could tell Rose was contemplative, perhaps worried about the implications of more children in the house or how Severus would view them if Hermione and Severus had a child together.

"We haven't talked about it, but with things being so difficult with Winnie, I doubt it, poppet." Hermione put her arm around her increasingly taller daughter. "Would you want another sibling?" Hermione's voice carried across the aisle as she watched as Rose thought on it. She didn't say anything for a while, then twirled then pulled her hair into a bun.

"I would love him or her, of course, I mean Mister Severus has always been my best ally, I know he'd be a good father, he basically is already." Hermione nodded.

"Yes, he is to the girls, especially, he's the only father figure they know aside from your uncles, but even then they've spent more time with him." They both lost themselves in thought for a while, then both started to speak at the same time.

"Do you think he will let me call him something else?"

"You want to?" Hermione looked at her oddly, tilting her head and wondering what she would want to call him.

"Yes, calling him 'Mister Severus' will be weird after you're married." They took their purchases to the register and waited for packaging.

"What would you want to call him?" Hermione finally asked, extremely curious.

"I don't know, but not 'Mister Severus', maybe a variant of pop or something. I'll ask him when we get back. Also, when do you think you'll actually get married?" Hermione's eyes widened, they hadn't really settled that either.

"I don't know, he said it was my choice, but I think sooner rather than later, especially if your uncle pushes this investigation. I want to present a united front, and I want you all to be there." Rose smiled softly towards her mother, glad that if her father was gone, at least she had Severus to love her when they went back to school.

"Have you loved him a long time?" Rose asked suddenly, thinking back to her childhood, all the time her mother and Severus spent together, wondering if there was perhaps more to their relationship than she knew.

"It's a complicated thing, really, someday I will tell you about saving Severus after the war."

"Or I will." They both turned suddenly to find Severus, James, and Albus walking down the street towards them, she laughed as her mother blushed and then took Severus' arm.

"Mum, I need to get something for you." Rose took Severus with her back to Flourish and Blotts, leaving Hermione with the boys. They walked through a few more stores and got ice cream as they waited for Rose and Severus to return.

Hours later when they all returned home to Grimmauld Place, Hermione tucked her treasures away in her closet, then went to the girls, holding both of them tightly against her.

"Did you have fun with Uncle Charlie?" Both girls nodded, looking sleepily towards their door as Hermione's parents arrived with Lucius Malfoy. Draco, Scorpius, and Hyperion followed, and soon George and Angelina did as well. Dinner became a boisterous event, the house once again filled with laughter and the noise of family. After eating the children played outside, Fred warned many times to be careful of his arm. Wrapped in blankets, Hermione sat with her mother and talked with her about the engagement, about Percy, everything she hadn't been able to tell her since they'd last talked a few days before.

"I think soon, we'll get the license tomorrow as soon as possible and then have Bill perform the ceremony since he's the most experienced with the charms."

"That would be lovely, especially since we'll still be here." Hermione snuggled closer to her mother and basked in her smell, so comforting and light. Suddenly, there was a loud banging from the front door and she stood, wand ready, and walked through the house with Severus in front of her.

"Hermione! It's Teddy, please let me in." Severus and Hermione walked onto the stoop, both casting spells on Teddy to ensure he was himself.

"What did I give you for your third birthday?" Hermione asked, her wand still pointed at him.

"My father's wand, which you put in a special case, it's kept in my vault at Gringott's and only you know this." Teddy's eyes watered and she could tell immediately something was very wrong.

"What has happened?" She stepped forward, wrapping her arms around him and feeling him shake against her.

"Nanny, she...something snapped...she hurt me." Teddy held out his arm and showed Hermione and Severus a weeping wound; it looked like he'd been burned.

"Did she burn you?" Hermione immediately started to heal the wound as Severus stepped closer.

"Can I look at your memory?" He asked Teddy and entered his mind as soon as the child nodded, all sixteen years old and normally so put together and kind was so upset he could barely understand the images presented. Finally he saw it; Andromeda Tonks was holding her wand against Teddy's arm, firing a spell that burned into his skin. He watched as Teddy screamed and Andromeda only became more fearsome in her determination to hurt him, her eyes glowing red. It seemed that she was deranged as she pushed the wand deeper into her wound and then suddenly, Teddy had apparated out, even though he hadn't been officially taught yet his practical magic took over.

"Severus?" Hermione reached for him as he slowly left Teddy's mind.

"We need to file a report, though I don't know with whom." Severus went immediately to Charlie, told him everything he'd seen and then watched as Hermione held Teddy on the sofa in the den. He couldn't fathom, even for a moment, why his grandmother had hurt him. It was like Albus' mind, there was something missing.

"An auror will be here shortly. Teddy, what prompted your grandmother to do this?" He wiped his eyes and looked up at Severus, almost pleading with him.

"She has been like this all my life, it just has never gone this far before." He shifted into blue hair, reminding all of them of Tonks, his mother, and it crushed Hermione for a moment thinking that Remus and Tonks didn't get to raise their son, days old when they died.

"She's hurt you?" Teddy nodded through his tears, telling them all about his summers before going to Hogwarts, how he wished he could stay with Harry and GInny and how his grandmother fought them for custody. He finally admitted, though years and his chaotic breathing made him hard to understand that Andromeda had been punishing him for his mother's death, he was Remus' son and even if he could morph as his mother had, he favored Remus.

"I didn't know about that." Hermione rubbed his shoulder gently, then smoothed his hair. He looked so much like Remus when he wasn't morphing.

"Harry tried very hard, but Nanny knew someone at the Ministry and even Harry couldn't fight it. I ran away so many times, I tried to tell Professor Longbottom about it but it's hard and Professor Sprout remembers her so differently. No one believed me."

"If you had told me, I would've, I swear." Hermione whispered, staring between he and Severus.

"The auror will want your official statement and perhaps some memories for evidence." Severus tried to temper his words so Teddy wouldn't be frightened by his tone or the implications of having to speak against his grandmother.

"Can you extract them? My mind feels so chaotic I don't think I could." Severus nodded and helped Teddy find the memories through legilimency and placed them in Harry's pensieve left to his children. After they'd extracted the worst of his memories, Hermione watched as Teddy visibly calmed, as he dusted himself off and went outside to be with his family.

"I wish I'd known, I wish he'd never experienced that. Harry was so horribly abused by his Aunt Petunia, but we eventually figured it was due to the horcrux, Andromeda doesn't have that excuse." But the wheels began to turn in her mind as soon as she'd said the words. Her hand flew to her mouth as she thought about the massive change in Andromeda Tonks since the war, even without knowing she had been abusing Teddy, Andromeda had retreated from society, held the boy as tightly as a vice and refused to acknowledge Remus Lupin was even his father.

"Severus?" As though he could read her mind, Severus thought about all the images Teddy had showed him, and noticed for the first time that Andromeda had a curious scar at her collar bone, where it met the base of her neck, evidence for sure of a duel or perhaps curse.

"How could anyone hurt their own blood this way?"

"My guess would be her deplorable sister, Bellatrix. Narcissa wouldn't do something like that and wouldn't have a reason, also hasn't killed anyone as far as I know, but Bellatrix did. She probably attempted to take Teddy and Andromeda fought her, Rodolphus was dead most likely or she would've been killed. Their blood probably created the horcrux, being sisters. But this is all conjecture; until the aurors take her into custody she won't be questioned." Hermione walked through to the kitchen and made them tea, absentmindedly going through the motions and thinking that getting married soon was a good idea, solidifying their relationship and protecting their family was important, especially if an Order member had been compromised.

"Severus?" She turned and found him directly behind her, standing arms folded as he felt her malaise turn to optimism.

"Yes?"

"I think we should marry before the kids go back to Hogwarts." He stepped forward and wrapped her in his arms and kissed her ardently.

"Nothing would please me more, Hermione." She'd decided beyond a shadow of a doubt she didn't want to spend another day without him, and the permanent bond they'd mate would add to their power and legitimacy as parents to the brood, brought together in tragedy. Hermione didn't want any of them to experience the tragedy again if she could help it.

"Let's tell them." Charlie and Billy said simultaneously as they came in from the garden. "We think our ceremonies should happen together." Hermione's eyes widened as she looked between Severus and her brother-in-law.

"I was thinking New Year's Eve." Hermione turned back to Severus who'd said exactly what she was thinking.

"It's settled, then." Billy kissed Charlie and then Hermione's cheek, so much had happened in the span of twenty-four hours that she could barely process it all. Martin Granger came through and saw Severus holding Hermione, the ring on her finger, and smiled. He knew that Severus would do anything in his power to protect Hermione and the children; he knew without a doubt that Severus was devoted to them and would remain so. He knew comparing Ron and Severus as sons-in-law was impossible, but his daughter's love for both men was undeniable.

"I see you've decided to make things official." Martin extended his hand to Severus, then kissed Hermione on the cheek, hugging her and wishing he could take away the hurt of Percy's investigation. Seeing her happy was a gift and though he knew under her skin was a plethora of worries, he could see she wasn't drowning in them.

"Yes, Dad, on the thirty-first." Jane came through with Lily and Winnie who looked rather tired, so Hermione kissed Severus and went with her mother to change the girls for bed. It was Christmas Eve the next day and she just couldn't imagine that her holidays were going to go as they had. Aside from Percy's investigation and Teddy being hurt by his grandmother, Hermione was happy. By the time the girls were changed and in bed, two aurors questioned Teddy and left, Hermione made him a room on the fourth floor and sat with him while he talked more about his grandmother. She didn't hear George, Angelina and their children leave, she didn't hear the Malfoys leave, either, she was so absorbed by Teddy that it wasn't until Severus came up to check on them that they realized how much time had passed.

"Well, you are always welcome here. We won't make you go back to your grandmother, okay?" She kissed his cheek and gave him a hug, taking Severus' arm as they descended the stairs. The house was quiet, the children all tucked away nicely, so when they made it to their room, Hermione made sure the doors were warded, the room silenced so she could show Severus just how happy he'd made her.

"What has you so confused?" He quietly asked as she rolled to her side of the bed, breathing evening out as she lay and looked at her enchanted ceiling.

"I need to ask you something before we get married and I've lost my courage." She was being honest, she didn't quite know how he'd answer her question about more children.

"You have nothing to fear with me, you've seen me at my worst and still love me. Nothing you have to say will change how much I want you in my life." He rested his head on his hand and the other hand on her ribs right below her breasts, feeling her quickly inhale and exhale, watching her mind work so quickly.

"It's just, we have never talked about this, have you thoughts about a biological child?" Her eyes met his and pleaded with them to be kind, to not judge her or make her inability to carry children a sticking point. He remembered her words in the hospital, words she had yet to remember and wondered if she really meant it all even in her delusion.

"I have no immediate desire for a biological child, I don't want to compromise your health or see you suffer through a traumatic experience." He took her hand in his, laced his fingers between hers and then brought them to his lips, kissing each digit. "If you were to have a child of mine, I would not be opposed, but I won't force you and I certainly won't try to affect the odds. We have a house full now, especially adding Teddy, but if we added one more I wouldn't be opposed." He'd given a magnanimous answer, one that left her in charge and calmed her immediately. She didn't have to feel guilty if they never had a child together, nor hide from him she became pregnant.

"How do you know exactly what to say to make my mind stop overthinking?" Raising herself up, she kissed him squarely then rested her head on his chest as his arm pulled her closer.

"Years of practice, my love." She wanted him again, wanted to feel the connection of their bodies, to realize that she truly had him, all of him, and though she knew nothing in life was guaranteed, she wanted the rest of her life to be spent with him.

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

The next day, the house was bustling again as the kids prepared for Christmas Eve celebrations and playing with their cousins and the Malfoy children as they arrived around lunch. It was welcome to Hermione to have Lucius around as he'd basically brought her out of her depression after the accident but also helped her see that Severus was not the person she thought he was. Lucius had put into perspective the affliction Severus had suffered for her, and though she'd hated it, she knew Severus was noble and a good person; even though he'd tried to put her in her place many times, he hadn't meant anything malicious by helping her or trying to get her to live the life she deserved.

As her children played with Hyperion and Scorpius, it made her think about the direction her life had taken since the war and how she still believed in the ability of people to change; she had evidence before her eyes. She wanted to believe Percy would see the error of his ways because she was willing to fight for the children she loved and she could so because her support system was strong. Unlike Percy, Hermione had the Weasley brothers backing her, not to mention the Malfoys and the majority of her former classmates. She hated that she felt she could no longer trust the Ministry and that there was something niggling her mind about the accident still, that the LeStranges had made it too easy to catch them, too easy to convict them. It worried her that there might still be a threat against her family. The worry must've shown on her face because her mother came to her side and hugged her tightly, watching as Winnie came over to them as well and offered Pink the unicorn to her mother.

"Awww, you're such a sweetheart, my darling girl." Hermione pulled Winnie onto her lap and kissed her several times, wondering how she and Ron had produced such a sensitive little girl.

"Wub, Mummy." Her tiny arms circled Hermione's neck as she rested her head on her shoulder. Hermione stood with her and went to the kitchen to get snacks out for their grazing before dinner. They hummed together as Hermione took things out of the larder, then she took Winnie's hand in hers and they danced around the kitchen, between the pantry and dining room until they were discovered by Severus who was holding Lily on his arms.

"So this is where you two disappeared; they're dancing without us, Lily." Hermione extended her hand to them, then watched as Winnie and Lily held hands and she Severus did, she hummed Christmas carols as they danced around the dining room, it reminded her of the Yule Ball and if she squinted she could see Viktor Karyn again. Except, when she thought of Severus from the ball, blasting rose bushes, she almost laughed.

"Did you have to teach Slytherin to dance?" Their eyes met and she saw his annoyance at the memory.

"All the heads of house did, for more than one group of students." Hermione giggled thinking about him teaching Pansy Parkinson or Gregory Goyle how to dance. "These two are far easier to handle." He leaned forward and kissed her, hearing the little girls snickering at them and then the older kids ran through, stopping only for a moment.

"We'll be careful with Fred, we promise." Rose embraced them both, then continued to follow the boys out with Roxanne.

"She's going to ask you if she can call you something else besides 'Mister Severus', I'm sure the boys will follow suit." Stepping up, she kissed him again and then went back into the kitchen to grab more food.

"As long as it isn't anything to do with my being a bat or vampire, because I'm sure they've heard stories." Lucius and Draco walked through to watch the children fly, then Angelina did, taking Winnie from Hermione as George took Lily, bundling them up in their coats before going to the garden.

"She said something about a variant of pop, but who knows with her, she's pretty creative." Severus grabbed olives and pickles, following her to the dining room.

"She's been my little sidekick for years, I'm sure she'll come up with something appropriate." When Hermione glanced over towards Severus, she saw him deep in thought, perhaps considering how much Rose had adored him since she was five years old.

"My girls have always been close to you. If you'd known her as you've known Winnie and Lily, I'm sure you'd find that there are many layers to her and just when I think she's all Weasley, she does something as only I would have." His arms encircled her, kissing the side of her neck as she set the cheese tray down, turning in his arms, she circled her own arms around his waist and held him tightly, thinking about the night before and how much she loved him.

"I'm still a bit surprised that Charlie and Billy want us to share in their ceremony." Severus twirled one clump of curls between his fingers and then kissed her again; she she was still surprised when he did this because it seemed atypical, that he'd be more concerned that someone could walk through and see them.

"I think it's sweet, you and Charlie have been my...I don't know the right word but he sees me as his sister and he loves us." Severus thought of the Moulin Rouge incident, the precarious predicament between Hermione and Charlie, and how erotic it had all been. He'd felt so jealous that night as Charlie, who looked like Lucius, treated Hermione to the finesse of Malfoy fingers, in places he could only imagine touching at the time, filling his mind with fantasies he felt would never be recreated because he'd treated Hermione so cruelly to protect himself. He had to admit the jealousy he felt was better than the emptiness he'd carried around since he'd forced her from Hogwarts.

"Never doubt for a moment I love you, Severus and I cannot wait to be your wife." Standing on her toes, she kissed him again, deeply and full of desire, placing a charm on the food and taking his hand in hers, leading him to their bedroom. As soon as they entered, she locked and warded the door.

"We have a bit of time." Her eyebrow arched, she reached for his trousers, unbuttoning them and pushing them slowly down his jutting hip bones, until he kicked them away, unbuttoning his shirt as she removed his boxer briefs, then felt his hands on her shoulders, pulling her closer and closer until he enveloped her completely, undoing the clasp of her robes and feeling them fall, her bra was easy business, but as he removed her underwear, he stared up at her, amber eyes meeting onyx in the most seductive way and for the first time in a while, she wanted him more than she ever had.

"Severus!" She squealed, as his mouth took full possession of her breast, pushing her slowly back to bed, leaning into her as the back of her knees touched the mattress. He loved every noise she made, every tiny moan and gasp as his mouth traveled her body, kissing as much of her as he could before she took over, as she was wont to do sometimes, especially when she was in this particular mood.

"You're being awfully naughty today, Granger." She relished the way he said her name, reminding her of years of back and forth, of his insolent nature yet always willing to do whatever it took to ensure her safety. Although there were many times him calling her 'Granger' made her feel young and inexperienced, she'd come to realize he was the only one who said it quite that way; it had become endearing and wholly welcome.

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

 _(Hermione at Hogwarts after the final battle.)_

 _The wind swirled around her as she stood on the balcony in the hospital wing, the evenings were still warm but that night there was a bit of a chill and incessant wind. Looking across the grounds, she wondered how she'd brought him to the infirmary at all, being so much taller, though not heavy, and every time she dug around her mind the remember why she'd gone to him, how she'd saved him or continued to work with him when he spoke infrequently or through legilimency, which made her ill._

 _Remaining on the balcony for an hour more, she finally retreated when she had a nagging feeling, something luring her back to the infirmary. When she entered Snape's room, she found him deep in sleep, fidgeting and eventually fighting so roughly he almost fell off the bed. Immediately, she went to his side; his arms and face were deathly cold, as though he were dead and for July it was seriously uncommon. Entering his mind as Professor Flitwick had taught her, she saw something she didn't expect- Severus, his mother and father were sitting down to a poultry breakfast and not talking. His father threw the plate of eggs and blood sausage against the wall, it smashing left Severus' ears ringing and his mother visibly shaken. As Hermione surveyed the room, she saw an odd stain on the floor, then the peeling wallpaper and cracked window. The incredibly dark man stood and slammed the back door, leaving Severus and his mother alone._

 _'Why do we stay, mother? Nanny would let us be with her.' Her beautiful green eyes surveyed him, then she stood to pick up the mess on the floor, pausing only a moment at the stain on the floor._

 _'One day, you will understand, love. When you are older and have your own wife and child, you'll understand.' But Severus looked as though he would never understand. Hermione pulled from his mind when she saw his eyes open, ready for the barrage of insults or worse, silence._

 _"You were calling out." Her words were quiet but still echoed around the room._

 _"Why did you come?" He spat at her, his voice still weak and most of his words incomprehensible._

 _"I don't know, especially when you act like a prat. I thought you were having a flashback." She smirked, smoothing her hair and robes, wondering why she felt so compelled to help him._

 _"It wasn't." He whispered, turning away from her towards the wall and trying his best to fall asleep again._

 _"I know, I saw. And don't worry, I'm not going to run off to Harry or Ron about what I saw, not that was the worst I've seen from you. Ron would never understand and Harry endured enough abuse from Petunia and her horrid family, besides, you'd probably hex me and I am rather glad to be alive." Resting a hand on his shoulder, she was shocked when his rose to cover hers, then she felt the gentlest of a squeeze._

 _"Thank you." She wouldn't have believed he'd said it if she hadn't seen his lips moving. For a moment she contemplated staying but decided it was better if she left, he was obviously distraught and though he'd squeezed her hand, it didn't mean he wanted her interfering in his life more than necessary. When she turned to leave, he caught her, his eyes pleading with her._

 _"Stay?" Hermione was shocked, she ordered tea and sat on the edge of his bed, her hand resting on his shoulder for hours as he stared off into the cold room, growing colder as the night set in._

 _"Do you want to talk about it? I mean, with our minds?" Slowly, he turned in the bed to face her, to more efficiently convey how much he did not want to discuss his parents._

 _"No."Was all he said, contemplating her words, and knowing he could trust her but the idea of feeling that vulnerable in front of her made him sick to his stomach._

 _"That's completely alright, you know. We don't have to talk at all, I just wanted to be sure you didn't anything else from me, aside from general company." His eyebrows quirked, he folded his arms across his chest as he rolled onto his back and entered her mind. First he showed her warm tea, biscuits with chocolate and ginger, and a song she didn't recognize on vinyl playing in the background of a room she'd never seen. Then, the scene changed, it was her moving around the infirmary checking on everyone, making sure their bandages were fresh and she hummed, everywhere she went._

 _"Are you making an account of my job skills for when you kick me out?" She laughed, but the image changed again, this time he was in the Shrieking Shack, calling for help through his mind since his vocal cords were destroyed, calling over and over until she appeared, doing everything she knew to save him. It brought tears to Hermione's eyes because by the time she'd found him, he'd been begging to die and certainly not calling for help. She didn't want to ruin his image of the event, but she was intrigued by the vision, seeing herself half-crazed above him, trying desperately to stop his bleeding and bring him back to life completely._

 _"Here, have some tea." Helping him sit up, she cooled the tea with her wand and watched him, watching her over the brim of the cup, and saw so many things in the depths of his dark eyes, and suddenly, as though hitting her life a branch of the Whomping Willow, she realized she was falling for him, every part of him even when he was rude. It had almost been three months since the Battle for Hogwarts, and without even knowing it, she had developed a bit of a crush on her former potions master._

 _"Tomorrow is Harry's birthday, so I'll be gone but…" Words failed her as he set down the cup and stared at her, emotionless and the arms crossed again._

 _"I'll bring you some cake, Madame Pomfrey doesn't have to know." With pursed lips, he nodded and looked away. With all of her Gryffindor courage, she leaned forward and kissed his cheek, but instead of going to her dormitory, she took the cot next to him, removing her formal robes and crawling beneath the covers. For more than an hour, they watched each other from across the nightstand until Severus saw her drifting off. He extinguished the lights and relished the soft kiss she'd placed on his cheek, the gentle way she cared for him, and became disgusted with himself for enjoying it all so much. He didn't deserve anyone's affections and certainly not a former student who was nineteen. Sighing, he rolled away from her and wished he had a sleeping draught to get him through the next day; he'd be awfully lonely without her, even when he wished she'd let him go, he wanted her around, wanted her humming, wanted to drink tea with her and listen to her talk all about the new things she was learning. Although it had been brief, he wondered if she noted that her mind had responded to his without provocation, that his mind calling out to the void spoke directly to her; would she ever know how connected they really were? Would she ever know that if she hadn't responded to his mind calling out, no one else would have and he'd be gone? It made him wish he hadn't wished for death; crossing the veil would have so much of his life empty and unfinished, and now he felt he had a purpose, a chance to make something of himself that wasn't inherently dark and morbid. It made him think of Eileen and her green eyes, curly brown hair, and soft hands. Then, of Tobias who had never treated him with any dignity. He knew it was useless, they were both long dead as he should've been; momentarily, he felt extremely guilty and disgusted that, even if for a single moment, he imagined his life with a sensible young woman like Hermione Granger and how, if he ever did have a family, he would love them openly, tell them how important they were to him, and never lash out in anger or make them feel less than if he could help it. He wondered what kind of father he'd be, then squashed the thought and tried to clear his mind; he'd never be a husband, a father, someone other's loved so freely. The thought made him wish she'd let him die._


	17. Chapter 17

**AN: Serious warning about this chapter! Triggering abuse, detailed assault, even if all is not what it seems. My other warnings stand as well- character deaths, language, sexuality, etc. I know it has been a very long time since I updated- this new school year and taking a graduate class has zapped all my creativity and taken all my time. I hope to be posting more consistently soon. Thank you for reading!**

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

Thirteen days after Christmas, the hearing was held for Hermione's guardianship brought by Percy. The children were not present, but they did write statements about her involvement in their lives and care of Lily since she was born. It made her tear up hearing their beautiful words, their honesty about her care and obvious love for them, and devotion to ensuring their lifelong education and safety. Although she had never dealt with custody law in her time Magical Law Enforcement, she understood enough about the expected proceedings that even if the magistrate decided to grant even temporary custody to Percy and Audrey, the kids would not leave immediately. Even with all of the experience she'd had over the years in the courtroom, Hermione felt awkward and uncomfortable while she waited on the remaining Weasleys to filter into the room, not sitting behind Percy and Audrey, who had brought their children. It made her wonder what he could possibly be thinking having them there, how would things ever go back to normal if her nieces believed their father's diatribe against her? Sighing, she looked down at her hands, fidgeting and then looked to Severus.

Although it felt different, odd even to have a ring on her finger again, Hermione smiled each time she looked down at the ring, remembering the words they'd recited to each other, standing next to Charlie and Billy, the kids not far from view and their hugs and kisses when they were pronounced legally wed. Their first kissed sparked, their new shared magic from the binding made the room glow as it enveloped the attendees, the rush was like a window suddenly opening in a fierce storm, and it proved that their bond was far more than just love. She thought about it intently, twirling her still growing hair around her finger, then looking up when her name was called and thinking briefly about their first night together as husband and wife; how differently it had been this time, how she had been just as happy to be with him and take him to bed without fear or reluctance. Their coupling was rushed the first time, as though they had entered the marriage bed as virgins and neither knew exactly what was going to happen; yet she could not deny how he played her body like a fiddle, how every finger-light touch of his delicate fingers stretched across her like honey dripping slowly from a spoon, covering her completely. It consumed every part of her brain, to the point where she forgot who she was for a time and all they'd experienced together. Instead, she was Hermione and he was Severus, they were married and they loved each other; it was simply all they needed.

"Madame Granger, please describe the nature of your relationship with Percy Weasley." She began to speak, noting her marriage to Ron and that she had worked with Percy for many years at the ministry, how since her husband had been killed, Percy had questioned her custody of the Potter children. But as she spoke, the magistrate, Hermione finally noticed, had a glassy appearance on his eyes, as though he'd been imperiod, forcing her wandlessly and wordlessly to cast finite incantatem. She watched as his expression changed, as his mind came back to him and it made her fill instantly with doubt; he wouldn't remember why he was in the room, why he was questioning her or who they even were, and that would mean a separate trial would have to occur. But, as she continued to watch him, she saw him reading over his notes and then finally turn to her.

"You realize this is simply a formality for the Weasley family, correct? There's very little we can do to take these children from you, Madame Granger unless they are in grave danger and as Percy Weasley cannot prove they are in grave danger, we will follow up on six weeks and then consider the matter settled unless wizarding services is called in again." Shocked, Hermione looked across the room to Severus, then Charlie who had impassive expressions, than to Percy who looked livid.

"Thank you, Magistrate Jones." With that, Hermione stepped away from the magistrate, the volunteered Wizengamot representative who still seemed a bit off even after she ended the unforgivable on him. Percy stalked off immediately, leaving the small mediation room in a huff without a word or acknowledgement of his family. Had he been the one to cast the imperio on the unsuspecting judge? Or had it been someone else in the room? Hermione was sure she needed to file a complaint, to alert aurors that the magistrate had obviously been under the imperius curse, but her fears that someone in the Ministry was aiding Percy made her think twice, hoping it would be better that she didn't trust anyone until more was known.

"Something is wrong with him; I don't know what to do, but I can't keep worrying about Percy trying to take my children when the mood strikes or why exactly. I mean," Hermione paused, looking between Charlie and Severus before turning to the door again, "what if he is…" But she couldn't speak the words, her voice disappeared for a moment as she tried to express that Percy seemed worse than ever, as though he was somehow connected to everything that had happened with the LeStranges. Although she didn't want to suspect him, there was no other explanation for his behavior, even if it didn't make much sense as to what he would gain from destroying his family.

"He's just hurt, like all of us." Charlie whispered at her side, but Hermione couldn't find comfort in his words.

"His hurt doesn't give him license to destroy our family, Charlie. It's as though he's never going to give this up." Without another word, Hermione stalked off, going to the lifts and finding her mind completely engulfed in finding a connection between Percy and the LeStranges, between Percy and the children he was desperate to see yet never saw. The lift doors shut as Severus and Charlie left the courtroom, both worried about Hermione but optimistic about the outcome.

"Maybe now would be a good time to take your honeymoon?" Charlie joked, but Severus found Hermione's emotions interrupting his thoughts, her obsession mingling with his own theories and for the first time all day, he let it go.

"Your brother is up to something." With that, Severus stalked off to his office, climbing the stairs in lieu of the lift and finding it empty. He'd hoped she had gone to his office to work things out about Percy, but found nothing.

Hours later when he arrived at Grimmauld Place, Severus heard the sound of giggles first then offkey singing and a loud drumming. When he finally found his girls playing in the nursery with Hyperion and Hermione, he let the breath he seemed to be holding since the trial out.

"Mister Severus, want to play?" Hyperion held up a drumstick and motioned to him, but Severus nodded politely then went to the bedroom to change.

"Draco and Lucius are staying for dinner." Her voice broke the silence of the room, soundproofed for a moment against the commotion of the nursery. "I'm sorry." He felt her arms at his waist before he could respond.

"Why are you apologizing?"

"I left without saying anything." He turned in her grasp, kissing her forehead and wishing more than anything he could curse Percy into oblivion as the state of his wife reminded him of the year before, when she'd been devastated and unsure, a completely different creature than the one he'd known before and after.

"Don't apologize to me for Percy Weasley's idiocracy. Come, let's enjoy dinner." Cupping her face softly between his hands, their lips met for a moment before they both went to the dining room.

"Surprise!" Hermione looked to Severus as the room erupted in laughter and applause for him.

"You didn't think I forgot your birthday, I hope. We're celebrating a bit early before Florence." Hermione put an arm around his waist again as Soot and Midnight ran from the room between their legs, the girls giggling after them for a moment before Lucius and Charlie caught them, presenting them both to Severus for birthday kisses.

"This is from Rose and the boys." Hermione handed him a letter and something wrapped oddly, looking more like something Albus and James would conjure.

"Seb kiss." Setting the package down for a second, Severus took Winnie and Lily in his arms, both of them hugging him tightly as he sat at the head of the table.

"Did you help your mum surprise me?" He looked between their happy, contented faces to Hermione's who seemed pretty pleased with herself as well.

"We've your favorite lemon and butter curry chicken and banoffee pie, and presents." When Hermione leaned down to kiss him, Winnie caught her arm and pulled them both into a hug. Severus was still mildly shocked that she'd organized a bit of a surprise party for him, Seamus and Lavender, Charlie and Billy, George and Angelina, Draco, Lucius and all the children surrounded him. For a moment, he had to remind himself that he wouldn't have anyone but Seamus without Hermione. It still surprised him daily that they were married, that she still loved him after everything they'd been through together and when the girls held him with wild abandon, completely unaffraid of him, he wanted to thank Hermione for saving his life all those years ago. When he looked at her, he found an undeniably strong connection, stronger than he'd ever felt with the compulsion charm Shacklebolt had placed on him and subsequently removed. It piqued his mind to imagine for a moment that there was more to his devotion, to his years of incomprehensible attachment to Hermione Granger, but he squashed that thought as soon as it had come.

"Severus?" He heard Hermione's voice faintly at his side as Lily and Winnie were lifted to their chairs, both tucking into some rice and chicken. When he searched her face, Severus saw that Hermione had sensed his guilt, the guilt he'd carried since he'd begged her so many times to let him die. What he would've missed if she had, he wondered, he would never have known the unfettered love of the girls, the admiration from the older children and responsibility for their care, the devotion of Hermione, that he'd thrown away before and now couldn't imagine ever denying.

"Thank you." He whispered back to her, knowing the day had been impossible for her and yet, there she was as compassionate as always, thinking of him even when faced with adversity.

"Happy birthday, Severus." Leaning into him for a moment, she kissed his lips softly and listened as the children giggled again, the sounds of a houseful making Hermione feel as contented as her girls as they stuffed their faces with Severus' favorite dinner.

"What did Rose say?" Hermione looked over his shoulder and found Rose's letter wasn't terribly long, but it was enough to keep Severus quiet.

"She wants me to adopt her." Severus held up the letter, signed by Rose, James, and Albus. "They all do." Severus could barely believe the words as he read them, over and over wondering how they'd come to the conclusion that he should be their guardian like Hermione was, except for Rose the situation was quite different, she still had a living parent.

"What?" Hermione could hardly believe it either.

"Read this." She took the letter from him and scanned it several times.

" _Dear Rook,_

 _We've settled on a new name for you. It represents how important you are to us, in chess, in our lives. A rook, because of the rook's position on the edge of the battlefield it usually is not used until the later phases of the game. The rook may also make a move in conjunction with the king. This maneuver has been used by you so many times and because of you, Alby and Rose have learned the actual percentages of moves and perfect strategies which enable the rook to dominate the board. You have been ever present in our lives, protecting us, our sisters, and Mynee, and we know without you our family would be incomplete._

 _It is also a bird, a dark figure with a beautiful song (Rose wanted us to write this). We know you love our Mum-Mynee and now that you're married, we want you to be our legal guardian and father figure. If something happened to Mum-Mynee, we want you to care for us, Winnie and Lily. Please consider being more than Mister Severus to us, also Happy Birthday!_

 _Love Rose, Jamie, and Alby._

 _Ps you can take as much time as you need to think this over."_

Hermione laughed at the postscript, as though they could pressure Severus into action.

"Rook, huh?" She folded herself into his arms, making herself small on his lap, trying to decipher the strange expression on his face.

"I don't know what to think about this." He opened the package that went with the letter from two precocious Gryffindors and a Slytherin. They'd gotten him a new register for his potions ingredients with his new nickname on the cover, new fancy quills and a slytherin crested cloak pin.

"They wouldn't have written this to you if they didn't mean it, of course. But it's your decision." His dark eyes fell on her face again, worry and caution filled them. "Do you want to sleep on it?" Setting the letter and presents down, Severus eyed her again and then the nursery door, considering what it meant to adopt the children, to have five wards of his estate, as it were, with the woman beside him.

"I don't know if I could possibly sleep right now." Wrapping both arms around her waist, Severus pulled Hermione closer, feeling her breath against his chest.

"Well, let's at least move to the bed before I freeze." He lifted her in his arms and turned to their bed, almost laughing for a moment as she struggled against him.

"That is not what I meant, Severus Snape!" He watched her fix her camisole then nibbled her neck. "You know it's useless." He whispered against her, one hand resting on her abdomen and the other under her head.

"As long as you have a good birthday." Using what energy she had left, she flipped him on his back, noting that he put up very little fight. "I love you." Her words blanketed him as she removed the rest of his clothes, kissing him practically senseless before making love to him as though they hadn't in months, yearning for the nearness of his body like he was going to disappear. Sometimes it overwhelmed him, how much she adored him, needed him.

"They didn't speak to you about this?" He asked, over an hour later after they'd showered and changed again for bed.

"Rose mentioned something at the wedding, that she wanted you to know how much she cared about you, but I didn't know the boys had considered this as well." He held her tightly to his chest, running his hands in her hair like he did most nights.

"You are a package deal, I knew this from the beginning." He replied, wishing he could talk to the children in person.

"Yes, we are but that doesn't mean you have to adopt them, Severus." She pulled the blanket up a bit to cover her naked legs and looked to the ceiling, without fail Severus had created the universe for her, each star a sparkling reminder of his heart.

"They have quidditch this weekend, we will talk to them. I don't want to entertain adopting them if I cannot speak to James." Hermione closed her eyes for a moment, wondering what was swirling around in his brain.

"That sounds lovely." Trying not to think of Percy, Hermione rolled away for a moment and found his hand at her lower back, reaching for her again. Part of cringed briefly, Percy's mousy face in her mind, trying to take her children away, because they were her children now.

"Where do you think you're going?" His words vibrated against her skin, forcing a shiver through her body and down to her toes. She pushed thoughts of Percy out of her mind again, turning to her husband and wishing more than anything that things would just be normal for a while.

"Percy Weasley doesn't deserve your time, Hermione." For a moment she almost cried, worried Percy could take the children even after a wizengamot magistrate said it will be unlikely. She could see Severus' frustration, she didn't want to disappoint him, she didn't want to make him think that Percy was taking so much of her time but it was almost impossible to push from her mind.

"I'm sorry, I-"

"Don't apologize to me." He felt the brusque tone before he even finished his sentence, angry at himself for not realizing she hadn't buried those feelings quite as deeply as he'd thought and for making the tears she'd held in all day fall. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he sighed heavily, hearing one of the girls screaming and immediately jumping up, wand in hand.

"Stay here." He said sternly under his breath, waking to the door separating the rooms and whispering incantations, finding Winnie standing by the door, pounding her little fists on the door, then wrapping herself tightly around his legs.

"Winnie, calm down, lovely girl." Bending down to her, he felt her launch into his arms, wrapping herself so tightly around him he could barely breathe. "Winnie, shhh, shhh, calm down. You're safe, I'm here." He repeated the words over and over, realizing finally that Winnie had either had a nightmare or she truly was feeding off the emotions close to her.

"My love, come here." Hermione appeared at the door and reached for her littlest girl, but Winnie wouldn't let go of Severus. After some coaxing, Winnie left his arms for Hermione's, but her little tears only picked up.

"Can you tell me, my sweet girl?" Hermione smoothed her auburn curls from her face, wondering if her little mind could handle legilimency. As soon as she entered the mind of her tiny girl, Hermione saw Percy at their doorway, but it couldn't have been that night.

"Severus, she's been dreaming about him, about Percy. I can't tell if it's something he's done or she's just imagining it." Severus watched as Hermione held Winnie tightly, trying to clear her own mind knowing just how sensitive her girl was to emotions.

"She's only sensing what your fear is; it would seem she has more power than we thought." When he finished looking at her memories, Severus leaned forward and took Winnie's tiny hand in his. "We might have an expertly skilled legilimens in this one." She let out a breath but continued to hold Winnie tightly, wishing that everything with Percy would just calm and disappear.

"I'll work on my shields until we can discern for sure. I'm so sorry, my sweet girl." Hermione went to the lounger and rocked her, thinking back to earlier days when she'd still been in the hospital, how tiny and frail she'd been but still so sweet and innocent. It took a further half hour before she was calm enough to sleep. When Hermione finally joined Severus in bed once more, he didn't bring up her misgivings about Percy Weasley again, but continued to think back as far as he could about Percy's education, his job choices, all of the pertinent details his life as a former spy had proven would be important if they were ever to surmise his true intentions.

"I love you, you know." Hermione's words sounded wounded, as though she could never convince them, causing him to pull her close and kiss her neck softly. "I know. We'll figure this out, together, my love." Charming the ceiling as he always did, Severus felt her shiver against him then slowly drift to sleep, her body cooling significantly and for the first time in ages, he had so many questions he couldn't answer; it frightened him.

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG warnings for this section**

Two weeks later after being in Ireland for an extension, Hermione was asked by Minister for Magic Eugene Crawford to go to a new location, Inverness, Scotland to handle a conference for all of the British diplomats and ministers as well as establish a new code for handling local disputes. She was surprised at how well the meetings had been going and decided to treat herself to a boat ride on Loch Ness, though it was very cold she relished the quiet ride around the Loch. Charlie had come to stay to help with the girls and also help train dragons in the northern most point of Scotland. Before her last day in Inverness, Hermione popped over to Hogwarts to see the older children and remind them they'd be coming home for Easter break. It was a pleasant visit, they had tea with Hagrid and also played chess, Hermione winning one game against James, but losing badly to Rose and Albus. After hot chocolate and hugs, she reluctantly left for Inverness knowing Severus would be joining her that evening so they could have a night in together with the girls with Charlie and Billy. Absentmindedly she completed tasks around the rented flat, daydreaming as she moved.

At half six, she heard the door open as she washed dishes in her kitchenette in the rented flat. Knowing it was Severus, she didn't turn around, just called out to him in hopes he'd come give her a snuggle and he did so, rightly. She felt his presence behind her before she saw him, she shuddered as his breath hit her hairline then went to a place in her mind where he always had residence, a safe place. Things were a bit fuzzy as she tried to prepare herself for his hands, his mouth, his body hopefully enveloping hers.

"I've missed you." He whispered against her neck, his fingers tracing her collarbone as his kisses followed, eventually one hand sipping down to her waist, lifting her robes and stopping momentarily at her hip before pulling her knickers down. It was enticing, this feral version of Severus who dominated her and made her feel like a prize, sought after. It took almost no effort for her body to react under his ministrations.

"I'm going to take you right here." Hushed and hurried, his words were on her, around her like a fog and she melted in his arms. It was all so exciting and erotic; she loved playing this game with him, especially when his hands found her again, shifting her robes as she leaned forward and felt him behind her, pulsing and dripping down her body, begging for entrance but suddenly she felt a deep fear, anxiety, and nausea as though something was terribly wrong. When he pulled her hair and grabbed her roughly at the same time, she cried out for him to stop, but he wouldn't stop, he kept trying to shift her body, scratching her arms and back, and moving to overpower her as though compelled by some greater force, one hand digging deeply into the soft tissue of her hip and the other now at her neck, squeezing tightly.

This simply was not typical of their sexual encounters and no matter how many times she tried to shift, he pulled her right back, rigidly forcing his hands all over her, the pain mounting as she fought. Finally, she was able to get away, though some of her hair was pulled in the process and she hit her pelvic bone fiercely against the countertop. This was not her husband, this man was deranged and motivated by destruction; she felt thankful that he hadn't assaulted her further but still felt the sting of his hands all over her skin.

"Why did you do that? I asked you to stop." Hermione cried, hugging her waist with her arms folded, feeling cheap and used. She could barely look at him with his pants unbuttoned, touching himself in anticipation.

"Don't pretend you didn't like it; I could feel how wet you were." Flabbergasted, Hermione tried to walk passed him, tried to get to another room in the hope of apparating away or calling for help. But, each step she took only brought her back to the same spot, as though there was a forcefield. She watched as he buttoned his pants and stared at her, still sinister and malignant. At the edges of her vision she could see something she couldn't touch, almost as though she could see herself, sitting against the wall, unable and unwilling to move.

"What is going on?" Her sobbing intensified and it made her words barely intelligible before she collapsed on the floor, her legs tucked under her arms and chin.

"I think it's time you knew the truth, Hermione." He looked sinister, dark like he had during the Final Battle and she was terrified. Her breath caught painfully in her throats when she saw Virginia Davies walk out of her bathroom and over to Severus, kissing him deeply as she had at the quidditch pitch and restaurant.

"You see, I sent the note telling you to come to the dressing rooms, I needed you to hear the conversation and believe what I said. But, I was lying. I don't care about you or those children, I only wanted to be saved from the Ministry and you with your bleeding heart, I knew you'd do whatever it took to end my parole early. The sex was a benefit, especially after helping with those brats and listening to you drone on and on incessantly, crying and whining nonstop. This sham of a marriage will be ended easily, have no worries. "Hermione was shocked, disgusted, and completely confused. It couldn't possibly be Severus, it had to be the imposter. Still seeing brief images of herself and who she thought might be Ron, she tried to shut her eyes tightly, but they remained open filling endlessly with tears.

"Ask me the question." She replied bluntly.

"What question?" Severus responded, tapping his fingers on the countertop.

"Our established code since you had an imposter." Severus contemplated her words and looked to Virginia who seemed amused.

"Oh yes, that. What can I-" but before he could finish the words, Virginia silenced him. Hermione's skin froze, her hands trembled and everything she thought she knew melted away as though there was some void in her mind.

"Don't give her anything, Sev." Walking over to the door, she warded it heavily then turned to Hermione, binding her with invisible ropes and a gag. It hurt, but not as much as knowing this wasn't the imposter.

"We'll see how long it will take to break her mind, no one can break the wards. Then when her idiot brother-in-law brings the wretched brats back, we'll get them as well. Do you have the potion ready?" Virginia quickly pulled her hair back then walked over to Severus, pulling her hand on the front of his pants.

"Of course I have the potion, I've had it for months." He felt her finishing the unbuttoning of his trousers, then untucking his Oxford, pleasing him first with her mouth forgetting all that he'd wanted to do to Hermione for a moment. Although unhappy in the moment, he'd seemed more than happy trying to take Hermione; it didn't phase Virginia who made quick work in pleasing him, eventually forcing him onto a kitchen chair and straddling him.

"I want you to watch how a real woman pleases him, Granger, because all he does is complain about your frigid behavior. You like this, don't you, Sev? You like it when I ride you, squeeze you from the inside." Severus couldn't speak, he simply grunted as she rode him harder and faster, finishing what he'd started with Hermione in a most pleasurable way, the intensity of the buildup to his climax was magnified because Hermione had stopped moments before he was finished.

"Do you like what you see, Granger?" But Hermione couldn't respond, she simply wept and tried not to move too much because the magical ropes tightened each time she did. Though she tried to squeeze her eyes shut, she could still hear everything that was happening, she knew Severus' facial expressions, she knew he was close to climaxing simply by his breathing, so when she opened her eyes again and saw the rapture on his face, it broke her a little more, destroying what was left of her resolve. She watched as his hands gripped Virginia's hips, then traveled further south, pleasuring her as he always did with Hermione.

"See, Granger, he actually cares about me. All of this is mine now, well really it has been since before we killed your wretched family." Hermione couldn't stop herself from vomiting and almost peeing herself as she watched the man she loved pleasure another woman, his hands working her body as though they were consummate lovers. When she began to shake from shock, neither of her captor's made a move to check on her, wholly invested in their continued sexual acts, she watched as he leaned forward to take her nipple on his mouth and vomited again, except the gag was making it virtually impossible for the vomit to completely leave her. Noticing she might aspirate it into her lungs, Severus cancelled the spell. Hermione watched as Virginia opened his mouth and poured two potions down his throat, then she watched as he became aroused again, except this time he took her on the table, the sound echoing through the silent flat, bouncing off the walls like thunder, forcing Hermione to heave again, this time there was nothing left in her stomach so all that came up was bile and water. It burned as she heaved, it made her feel dirty and disgusting, especially while she couldn't move, clean herself up. She was left to watch them, over and over until she started to focus, started to draw the energy around her. Closing her eyes, she focused on her library, the skills he, Flitwick, and Lucius had honed in her; she had no idea how much time passed, how if she had been looking at Severus and Virginia, she would've seen two entranced people feeding off of the aura she created thinking of a better time with him, before she left Hogwarts but somehow melding that image with her children, all of them and another with dark eyes and her hair, a boy running after Winnie and Lily who looked around five, another boy with fierce green eyes holding possessively to her leg. She delighted in this, she rallied in it, and it made her grow stronger, struggling against the invisible ropes until her eyes opened, and though she was completely unaware, her soul cried out.

"You disgust me!" She screamed, feeling her magic becoming stronger, pulsing around her like the heartbeats of her children, beating a cadence to give her strength. Without another word, she broke free of the invisible ropes in sheer brute strength and stunned both of them wandlessly, tying them up as they done her and silencing them. Only, when she tried to leave the wards were still strong and she knew it would take a while to break them. With each layer, she felt herself continue to grow stronger, but when she turned to the two stunned people, she found them changing, Virginia's hair becoming a softer, darker blonde and her eyes a dark brown, her skin becoming freckled. She knew immediately who this woman was and it almost led her to retch again.

"Sophie Michaels?" Hermione asked. "What have you done with the real Virginia?" Hermione cancelled the silencing spell and waited, but neither would speak. She lost it for a moment when Severus also changed, morphing slowly into someone she recognized so well, her eyes filling again with tears and her body with disgust.

"Percy?" He wouldn't meet her eye, she could see he was embarrassed to have been caught. With renewed strength and resolve she broke through the wards and ran from the room, immediately sending an owl to the Minister, the real Severus, Charlie and Billy, George and Angelina, Bill and Fleur, and Lucius. She needed all of them to witness this, to know their brother was likely connected to killing Molly and Arthur, Ginny and Harry, and Ron. Before entering the room again, she made sure they were still bound and was glad they were. She warded the suite and waited, she felt alone and so vulnerable, knowing Percy had purposely assaulted her to make her think he was Severus.

Suddenly, it was as though the fog lifted, as though she had been transported back in time and she saw Severus behind her in the kitchen, she saw him move towards her and this time, she jumped, she moved, she raced away. Everything seemed warped, every moment pulsed around her as though she'd taken hallucinogenic drugs. The world stopped, she felt her mind melt into a mess of emotions and thoughts before she could feel herself shaking again, unable to discern which thoughts were her own, memories, visions, the smell of her husband but the sudden fear of him and then of Percy, of his face springing forth from her husband's.

"Hermione?" She heard her name and she knew his voice, but she was afraid to look at him.

"What can I get you?" He asked her, kneeling down and pushing her hair from her face, noting the distinct smell of vomit. Her emotions were all over the place, begging his for release.

"All of the stars, Severus, please." Her plea was noted, it was clear she'd suffered something traumatic to be sure. She launched herself into his arms, holding him so tightly he could barely breathe. Was this really Severus? What had happened in the kitchen? Did she actually witness Percy and Sophie Michaels fornicating all over temporary flat?

"What's happened, your letter was vague."His whispered words met her ears, but all she could do was hold him at first. Then, Hermione pulled him through the wards and he saw Sophie Michaels and Percy Weasley bound on the floor.

"Percy has been impersonating you, he came here and initiated extremely painful umm, he was extremely rough with me, he was trying to hurt me sexually, then Sophie here pretended to be Virginia Davies, I have no idea what's happened to the real person, they won't talk. Are they in there? Is this real?" The shock on his face made Hermione feel worse, as though she should've known it wasn't him. "He asked me the question, almost completely. I really thought he was you...they had sex in that chair, on the table, against the counter, every surface in that room while I was bound. Did they? Did they really do this?" She heard him gasp, knowing he understood how devastated she must've felt. Suddenly aurors arrived, the popping sound resounding down the hallway and into the rented flat. When Hermione looked beyond Severus into the flat, she saw Percy and Sophie, stunned but still aware and she couldn't tell if what had happened was real. They took Sophie and Percy immediately and then left, leaving Eugene Crawford and Dean Thomas in the kitchen

"A healer will be present shortly, I'm sorry but he'll have to do a thorough exam and we need an official statement." Hermione did not respond verbally, she simply took parchment from her bag and began writing. For a moment, she felt completely delusional, that she was losing her mind slowly, trying to remember if she had actually experienced this trauma, if Percy had seriously assaulted her.

"Make sure you keep a copy in case there is another mole in the Ministry. I have no doubt that an apology from me will soothe nothing, but I am truly sorry this has happened, we'll figure out exactly what happened, I promise, and that your brother-in-law was involved...I don't know how to apologize for that, Madame Granger. Unfortunately, it goes so much further than these two, but now is not the time for explanation. Take time, as much as you need and I'll make sure you're alerted when the trials will be held." Crawford put his hand over hers for a moment and watched as tears formed in her eyes, leaving when the doorbell rang to let the healers and Bill and Fleur in.

"Has Charlie been in contact? He had the girls." Hermione's voice was desperate, she was still in shock.

"Yes, he sent this and went to Hogwarts with George and Angelina to protect the older children. They're camping in the room of requirement tonight." Hermione took the scroll and then nodded to the healer, going to the master bedroom and stripping down.

"Lie on the bed, Ms Granger, this will be painless." The healer said, but Hermione felt uncomfortable and called for Severus, who came through and tried to hide his anger and resentment upon seeing her body bruised and her face full of worry.

"Hold my hand?" She asked, reaching for him. For a moment, she had dejavus, that she'd been just like this with him before but couldn't place it.

"I am going to cast a spell which will show me internal injuries. It will be projected but if you'd rather not look, face the left." Hermione appreciated the directions of this healer, his professionalism was paramount. Once he cast the spell, Severus read the results quickly; she had no severe internal injuries and it appeared she suffered no trauma internally, with bruises and swelling only around her legs and hands. It only caused more questions than answers.

"Thank you, Ms Granger, the exam is complete. It appears that we need to have an evaluation from a skilled legilimens to determine exactly what occurred with the alleged perpetrators." He took her hand and helped her sit up as Severus brought one of her cotton robes.

"What do you mean?" Her pulse began to race, her hand gripped Severus' even tighter as the healer considered them both.

"It is unclear if these events you experienced are real, Madame Granger." The healer noted her immediate change, the fear rising in Hermione so quickly Severus could barely calm her. "Perhaps real isn't the right word, whether this was a staged event, to provoke your mind or if the perpetrators physically committed this crime." This did not make Hermione calm; perhaps she really was losing it. Time obviously passed, but she could not mark it.

"Hermione, Healer Nicolai is here, he asks for your permission to see into your mind." Her eyes met Healer Nicolai's and she saw he was blind, that his eyes weren't really seeing her, she spoke to him wordlessly and he was there, searching through her day, looking into each nook and cranny, going passed the fuzzy things, the gray area she could not contain any longer and found that Percy and Sophie Michaels had shown up at her flat, cast a spell on her, forcing Hermione to experience a vivid trauma, to feel physically that she had experienced this assault on her body and mind. Looking beyond her immediate recollection, Healer Nicolai could see Percy in the background, drinking polyjuice and becoming Severus Snape, arguing with Sophie Michaels about what they were going to do to Hermione, but their words were muffled because Hermione was not consciously processing what they were saying, stuck still at the sink watching them through the reflection in her window. Finally, he saw Percy move forward, pouring a potion down Hermione's throat, then forcing her to sit, bound against the wall; he projected images into her mind of he and the supposed Virginia Davies, all the while Healer Nicolai could feel her fighting subconsciously against his mind-control. It was then that Percy cast imperio, forcing her to struggle against the invisible bindings, to keep fighting until he dropped the unforgivable, and used more of the potion to force fake experiences and memories into her mind. Suddenly, he watched as Percy, though with Severus' face, frowned, looked dismayed in the situation and then Hermione stunned them.

"Your mind is beautiful, Hermione, I am sorry it has been so abused." Healer Nicolai put his hands on the sides of her face and tilted it towards his, pushing his own healing powers to calm her, to help her understand.

"Tell me, please." She pleaded, trying not to completely crumble.

"Young woman, you know what happened. Take a deep breath, close your eyes." The healers both calmed her and Hermione understood; it had been an orchestrated event, she had been bound, she had struggled, but whatever potion Percy had given her created a false experience. At once she was relieved and further disgusted.

"Master Snape, please take care of your wife, she will need you." Healer Nicolai's right hand moved from Hermione to Severus and though he hadn't needed to be told, Severus took his words to heart.

"Thank you." Shuddering, Hermione whispered her thanks to both healers and found herself shaking as Severus took her into his arms. Both healers nodded and cast several healing spells, making her feel immediately better, the pressure of the bindings disappearing, the pain of the assault of her mind retreating, and her whole self calmed.

"Your potions master husband can brew this if you continue to experience discomfort. Please don't hesitate if you need us for anything." With that, the healers left her bedroom, leaving she and Severus alone. Hermione felt hysterical and delusional at once, paranoid beyond measure with every intent of figuring Percy Weasley out.

"I have no doubt in my mind Percy helped kill his own family members, but I just can't figure out why." Moving across the bed, she undid the straps on his boots, unbuttoned his frock coat and encouraged him to lie back with her.

"I almost lost it, when I first saw him, I almost killed him." Severus whispered, pulling her flush against his body as she started to cry again.

"Will you help me shower?" She begged, worried about so much yet feeling so safe in his arms. He immediately lifted her from the bed and carried her to the loo, removing her robe slowly and turning the taps so the water was warm but not too hot.

"Join me?" She whispered, desperate to take Severus back, to erase Percy from her mind if she could and enjoy her husband's gentle touch.

"Only if you're sure. I will step out at any time, you need only ask." As he removed the remainder of his clothes, he stepped forward and cupped her face, placing the gentlest of kisses on her swollen lips.

"My husband would never hurt me, I know this, but I'm so angry that I believed he was you for moment, that you'd really used me all these years to find freedom from the Ministry. I'm so sorry, Severus, I love you so much. You can look, in my mind if you'd like, before I put the memories in the pensieve, unless you'd rather view them later, without me." Severus felt the dilemma.

"Hermione, I don't want you to relive those moments again so soon." They stood under the spray together, he wrapping her tightly in his arms and wondering if she would be able to get passed the trauma, especially knowing it wasn't over yet.

"No, I want you to see what he did, she did, I want you to see it before in case the pensieve is compromised. Please, Severus." He entered her mind and searched, finding that she was projecting the memory from the moment the door opened while she was at the sink; he saw it all, every disgusting moment and tried to suppress the rage he felt towards the perpetrators and the anguish at watching his former student assault his wife. The fact that Percy would be so depraved that he would conjure these images, that he would even think of the filth Severus witnessed shouldn't have stunned him but it did. He hated that Hermione had once again experienced pain, had had to relive the images even if they were false.

"I have a calming draught, would you like it?" She simply nodded, dissolving into tears and sinking into the tub while he pulled a bathrobe from the hook and went to his overnight bag, stopping briefly in the kitchen to ask Bill and Fleur to tidy the space so Hermione wouldn't be reminded of the events when they left.

"Is she going to be okay?" Bill asked, brotherly concern evident as he spoke, Hermione as close to his sister as he'd ever get again.

"Yes, she strong but she's in pain, emotionally and physically. If you would consider it, please stay here in the guest rooms in case there are anymore visitors or she needs help or to get to London." Severus folded his arms, realizing he probably looked ridiculous in Hermione's bathrobe.

"Of course." Fleur immediately stood and started casting spells to clean the kitchen, restore the upholstery and cleanse the space.

When Severus entered the bathroom again, he found her huddled in the corner, letting the water hit her but almost in a catatonic state. He removed the bathrobe and gently turned her around, opening the vial and pouring the contents down her throat, holding her and casting a charm on the water to keep it warm.

"None of this is your fault, Hermione, we established a code and he used your mind to make you think he knew it. I do not blame you, I am not angry with you, how could I blame you for this? I love you." She kissed him ardently, her hands shaking as she squeezed him tightly around his chest.

"I don't deserve you." He could no longer tell which were tears and which was the spray from the shower head, but he could see her beginning to calm.

"It's not about deserving. Here, let me wash your hair." He was delicate with her, lathering slowly and meticulously, then rinsing just the same, helping her stand so he could assist in washing her body, slowly removing the stench of vomit and bile, and what he thought might be urine.

"Can I wash you?" She asked, taking a flannel from the shelf and lathering it with his favorite soap. He nodded and closed his eyes, luxuriating in the sensation of being so cared for, cleansed for the night. He'd never felt so loved, not at any point in his life than by Hermione.

"Let's rinse and go to bed, you'll be getting sleepy soon." She turned off the tap and let him wrap her in the extra robe, carrying her again to the bed and crawling in beside her before summoning the pensieve.

"It will make it easier for you to sleep."

"Thank you." She took her wand from the nightstand and extracted the memories, only a faint reminder remained of the day's proceedings as she curled into him again, drawing the covers up.

"I will brew the potions for you in the morning, they are to help with the bruises and any residual pain." She shuddered, terrified of the thought, the minuscule chance that she could have had a baby with Percy if he had actually assaulted her. She felt inept and out of her depths wondering if polyjuice potion went so far as to the DNA? She'd never researched it before but now she felt she must. Even as the events were stored in her pensieve, as she tried not to think about Percy actually harming her, she thought more about her children, how their own uncle had orchestrated something so vulgar. For a moment, there was a bright spot, an intense hope for the future when she thought about how much she loved her husband. The circumstances were not ideal, but for the first time since she'd admitted how much she cared for him to herself, she knew she wanted to add a child to their marriage. It made her think of moments in her mind, the little boy who looked remarkably like Severus but with her hair and freckles, the green eyed one as well who looked like Albus but with curly hair.

"I wish the girls were here, I'd love some tiny snuggles, but I know it would be bad for Winnie right now." Severus kissed the top of her head and then her shoulder.

"I can retrieve them-"

"No, please don't leave." Hermione sat up quickly, pushing him back on the bed and leaning over him. "I need you here, please." When her lips touched his, he didn't quite know what to do as she moved over him, her hands in his above his head.

"I feel like I can't get close enough to you, like my body wants to be welded to yours." She whispered against his skin as held him tightly, stretching her body on his. He wanted to move her over, lie on top of her but he was worried she'd be overwhelmed even with just the faint memory of Percy and Sophie remaining in her mind.

"Can I-" As though she read his mind, she moved off of him and let him move over her, relishing his weight, the muscle and flesh above her.

"Will you always love me?" She asked, moving his hair from his brow, tracing his lips with her index finger and hoping this wasn't the end of them, the thing that made it impossible to be together completely.

"Never question it, ever. You know this was not your fault, Hermione and I would never blame you."

"I know, I just-" wrapping her arms around his neck, she pulled him forward, "I felt like I was being ripped in two, like my soul was weeping. I'm yours, Severus, i would die before I'd lie with another man." He sighed into her hair.

"We made vows, I believe you. You must believe me when I say the same. I told you before that being with Virginia was like torture, I never want to feel that again. Let us be resolved, you need never doubt me and I need never doubt you."

"Agreed. Now, kiss me, husband." They lay together for over an hour, his hand in her hair and hers on his chest, when she finally fell asleep he left her to send quick missives and check in through floo with Charlie and Billy on the girls.

"How is she?" Billy asked, rocking Lily who'd had a hard time falling asleep without Hermione and Severus.

"How do you think she is?" He replied sarcastically, but realizing he'd sounded terse, looked at Lily. "She's distraught and shaken, she stored the memories so hopefully she'll not deal with too many flashbacks. How is Winnie?" Charlie turned towards the room where Winnie was resting.

"She's a bit shaken herself. I think she's, well, a seer or telepathic, something. She kept screaming for Hermione during the ordeal and then you. Perhaps you all should have her evaluated?"

"We should, she shouldn't have to experience this. We'll be around in the morning." Severus began to close the connection and saw Lily stir. "Thank you, both." He shut it before she saw him and wanted him to come through, waving them off and turning to find Hermione watching him.

"I was checking on the girls. Are you alright?" When he stood his full height, she came to his side and took his hand.

"I was just cold. How are our girls?" They were back in bed in short time, warm beneath the down blanket.

"Charlie thinks we should have Winnie evaluated, apparently she channeled you or experienced a variant of the situation. We know this isn't the first time, we should schedule an evaluation soon."

"We will, my mum said I was a bit like her as a child. I don't know what we can do for her, but I don't want her feeling these things." She yawned and put her arms around him.

"Let's sleep so we can visit the children at Hogwarts and go home with the girls."

"I love you." Her words barely made it to him before she closed her eyes.

"I love you, too." He replied as Hermione turned away from him, holding her extra pillow tightly as he melded against her, this time they both slept well into the morning, sent their bags with Fleur and Bill to Grimmauld Place and flooed to Hogwarts, directly into Sinistra's office and ate brunch with the children in the Room of Requirement.

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

 _(In the hospital wing after the Final Battle)_

 _Hermione's head throbbed as she slowly felt herself coming back to life, the aches and bruises of her body forcing her to curl a bit before she could stretch, lazily bringing herself into a sitting position before realizing she was lying next to her professor, she'd been curled around his frail frame as though they were lovers. There was no immediate recollection that she'd even come to him, that she'd crawled beside him at all until she dug really deep, searching through the previous night. How many days had it even been since the battle? Where were Harry and Ron? So many questions flitted around her mind like a hoard of dragonflies, each flap of a wing a new thought or theory. Briefly, she considered how angry Professor Snape would be if he discovered her lying next to him, and then quickly she moved, landing with a loud thud on the floor, alerting the others around them._

 _"Ms. Granger, what do you think you're doing? You've depleted your magic enough bringing Professor Snape back, get into bed." Poppy Pomfrey called out, rushing to the poor girl's side and helping her stand. As though awoken by a spell, Professor Snape twitched a few times, she thought she heard him call to her but could barely fathom what was happening little alone discern what her cantankerous professor was saying...then she remembered that he couldn't speak, yet she was sure she'd heard him speak, absolutely sure._

 _"Do you care at all for yourself, young lady? Your friends have been here every few hours to see if you had awoken yet." Hermione heard them rush in as she finally lay upon her own cot again, pulling her covers up, trying to process everything around her in an epic blur. The boys looked good for what they'd been through, they were bruised and had dark circles under their eyes, but they were alive, they were still alive._

 _"How did you know to go back? To save him?" Harry asked, motioning over to their former potions professor, but Hermione couldn't really remember saving him, she could only recall his voice calling to her, perhaps calling to her she couldn't be too sure, but each time she thought about it, it was all she could remember._

 _"Hermione?" Harry got her attention again and she lost herself in his green eyes, they eyes of his mother, the eyes of Severus Snape's first love, Harry's mum Lily. Hermione did recall that story, the one she'd heard Harry tell Professor McGonagall and then Kingsley Shacklebolt, and then Ron. She couldn't explain why it hurt her, to hear Harry tell the story of Snape's devotion, of his betrayal and sacrifice, his love for Lily Evans was romantic and tragic._

 _"My head is fuzzy, I can barely remember how many days I've been here." Ron took that as his cue and patted her hand, thinking of his own head, filled with dread and sadness from losing his brother and so many others in the battle. But, Harry stayed for a while, eventually stretching out next to her and trying to simply enjoy a moment, to not consider what they'd just done._

 _"You really can't remember going back to the Shrieking SHack?" Harry asked before taking his leave, leaving Hermione to dig again but coming up empty. Her eyes closed tightly, she tried to remember anything from after the battle. She remembered kissing Ron, she remembered winning, seeing Harry destroy Voldemort, and then darkness, as though she'd been obliviated._

 _"I was compelled, I guess." When her eyes were open again, she saw Professor Snape had turned towards her, one of his eyes was open as well, and suddenly in her mind all she could hear was pleading, over and over, begging for relief. It was deafening, it made her weep immediately to hear the man desperate to end it all. Without another thought, she jumped from her cot and ran to him, touching his face and whispering some incantation, the same one she'd used when she first brought him into the infirmary, and Harry watched, mesmerized by her spontaneous magic, her healing of this man he suddenly revered ardently, and then, alerted by the brilliant light of Hermione's magic, Madame Pomfrey rushed out._

 _"Stop her, she'll lose it all." Harry yelled, worried Hermione was depleting all of her magical strength, but knowing there was nothing he could do._

 _"I cannot, Mr. Potter, she is in a trance, if I try right now she may kill herself or him in the process. Just stand back, she will be fine, she is a natural healer." Still focused completely on Professor Snape, Hermione felt him in her mind digging around, showing her again what he'd seen when she came to the shrieking shack, begging her over and over for help. Her mind answered so many times, their hearts pulsing, their lungs filling and emptying in a perfect rhythm and with a sweet, perfect release, Hermione felt the pain leave Professor Snape and for him to finally sleep. At first, she could not move, could not let him go, but then eerily turned towards Harry and Madame Pomfrey._

 _"I don't know what I'm doing." She said through her tears, terrified at the reaction she now understood to be completely instinctual and beyond her control. Madame Pomfrey immediately lead her back to her cot again and motioned to Harry to help get the young woman situated._

 _"Do not be afraid, my first healing was done this way." This did little to soothe Hermione as she wiped her eyes and stared at an obviously shaken Harry. After a calming draught, Madame Promfrey retired for the evening, leaving them to contemplate things once more._

 _"What is happening to me, Harry?" She asked, looking at her hands, still feeling as though his pulse lay beneath her fingertips._

 _"Something about him calls to you." Harry whispered, looking over at the professor before hugging Hermione tightly and leaving the infirmary. Before finally closing her eyes again, Hermione chanced a look at her dark professor once more and seriously feared for her sanity; why was she so compelled to fix him?_

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

"Have you thought about our letter, Rook?" Rose asked, holding Winnie and giving her some of the pancakes and fruit, all waiting for his response.

"I wanted to speak with all of you separately before I answer you." He motioned for James to join him in the corner of the room, they were interrupted only once when Winnie walked over to bring them apple slices. He motioned Albus over next and then Rose. When each returned to the table, they were smiling, whispering to each other and when he returned to the table, Lily crawled on his lap and offered him her yogurt cup.

"So?" Hermione asked, though she knew the answer without asking.

"We will make this official before we return home." Hermione was surprised he had agreed so quickly and she wondered what James and Albus had said, because she knew what Rose would say.

"Apparently they asked their Uncles Charlie and George to help them with the paperwork, we need only sign it and send it in. They prepared paperwork for Lily and Winnie as well, but they've left the last names for us to discuss." Hermione squeezed Rose's shoulder then pulled her close.

"And what would you prefer, Rose, boys, Severus?" Looking between them, she continued to wonder what they'd said to him.

"I've given them the choice, though I did ask that they preferred." He folded his arms around around Lily and stared across the table at them.

"James?" Hermione stood and moved to him, smoothing his scruffy dark hair, looking very much his father's son but also remarkably like he could be Severus' son as well.

"Since Rook advised us on making a judicious decision to honor our father but remove the celebrity, the immediate recognition of the "Boy Who Lived", so we've decided to become Granger-Potters and want Lily to be one as well." Lily clapped from across the table at hearing her name and making them all laugh.

"And Rose, for you and Winnie." Rose stood and walked to Severus, felt his arm go around her waist as she leaned into him.

"I have chosen to take keep my name and I think Winnie should do the same, so we're all Grangers, all five of us will be Grangers first. Rook said if you had a child, he would want it to be a Granger-Snape, and a name won't be separating me from my siblings. I don't love dad less, I miss him everyday and I plan on telling Winnie more stories than I already have, especially since she's starting to remember things now and even though there are many Weasleys, we are all that's left of dad. But, I still want you to be my...well, Rook, and I want to be recognized as your daughter." Rose picked Winnie up and sat her on Severus' shoulder, giggling with Lily on his lap and holding her hand.

"Where are the papers?" Hermione asked, taking her quill from her bag, trying not to think of the events of the previous day, even if they remained vague in her mind. Albus brought them over and watched as Hermione signed all five papers, filling in the name changes and then handing them to Severus as Rose took both girls and sat with her mother, kissing her cheek softly. When Severus sent the forms to the owlery with Winky, they were surprised to receive a reply before they were even finished with brunch.

"It's official." Hermione waved their new certificates and hugged all five of them, beckoning Severus over. "How does it feel to have five children, Rook?" Severus knew the moment was special, if ridiculously saccharine, but he couldn't find it within himself to be sarcastic as these children chose him to be their father, the man who would continue raising them and help mold them.

"I feel a lucky man, certifiably insane to be sure." Stepping on her toes she kissed him as the kids remained huddled around.

"An official copy will be forwarded to the school, but I'm sure you professors will make the change, it will be most noticeable for you, boys." Hermione couldn't believe all that had happened in twenty-four hours and certainly she'd been unsure about the request of Severus to adopt them. She knew he wanted to, but needed their reasons to be sound.

When brunch was cleaned up, Hermione left Severus with the girls and took the older children away for a moment.

"Your Uncle Percy has gone to Azkaban, if your classmates ask questions, ignore them. We won't know more until the trial. Do not accept mail from him, however or anyone except me and Rook, okay?" All three nodded as they walked back. "We love you all so very much. Don't forget, Professors Longbottom and Hagrid are allies of yours if you feel unsafe and we are a floo call away. We'll see you in about a month's time, but write us please." They kissed and hugged once more before Severus took Lily and Hermione Winnie. They stepped into the fireplace, Severus first and flooed to Grimmauld Place. Hermione followed quickly, hating to leave the children but ready for normality.

"How did it go?" Charlie asked, helping the girls dust off.

"Severus is a father of five, thanks to your handiwork." Kissing both of his cheeks, she held him tightly and tried not to think of Percy, truly the kids being adopted by Severus had been the perfect distraction.

"It was mostly George, truthfully."

"And you aren't cross about Winnie and Rose?"

"Not at all, they're still half of Ron's DNA even if he's dead, and Severus is your husband. Besides, it was Rose's choice and she had sound reasons." Letting go of Charlie, Hermione took the girls to the nursery for their nap, getting them out of their clothes and into sleepers so they could rest better. When she left them, she found Severus on their bedroom.

"Thank you." Her words filled the room, making him out down the text he was reading and embraced her as she sat on the bed.

"I should be thanking you. They wouldn't love me if you didn't."

"And I do, very much. So much I want to ask you something." He shifted, wondering if she might ask about the children's explanations or something else about the mess with Percy. But he couldn't have been more wrong.

"After everything settles, when the cases are finally finished and we can go about our normal lives, can we try for a baby?" His eyes went wide.

"You want to add another child to this brood? I've just become a father to five. " He asked, laughing and trying to think on the idea. At one time he'd never considered he'd be a father at all, and now with the Potters and Rose and Winnie, sometimes Teddy he had more children than he'd ever figured.

"I'm serious. I want to have your child." He thought maybe it was the shock, maybe it was the thought of losing him or being kidnapped for far longer than she had been.

"Hermione-"

"What? Is it that crazy, do you not want a child with me? You said once that you wouldn't mind but you wouldn't push the issue, well I'd like to try." She pulled her hair back quickly.

"I only worry about your health, Hermione. I would be honored create life with you." She didn't quite know how to respond, so she leaned forward and kissed him, laid down to rest for a while.

"We can visit the topic when everything is done." She finally said through her fuzzy, sleepy brain.

"Yes, of course." He held her tightly, still worried about the events of the previous day and year, that she would be negatively affected. He hoped that the girls and he would foster the right environment for healing and vowed to himself to protect them at all costs.


	18. Chapter 18

**AN: Serious warning about this chapter in terms of some revelations- but still some is not what it seems! My other warnings stand as well- character deaths, language, sexuality, etc.I won't even begin to make excuses for my posting and I'm not entirely pleased with this chapter but I needed to get it out. Next up, meetings with Percy and the first trials. I hope to be posting more consistently soon. Thank you for reading!**

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

Two days later, Hermione reported to the Ministry for a preliminary meeting with her barrister, since it was deemed unethical to have Severus and Seamus represent her. Dressed in her traditional robes, she carried the memories in a vial and her written account in her bag, waited a few minutes before Thisbe Jenkins called her back and welcomed her with hot tea and a comfortable settee.

"My assistant will remain if you are agreeable. This is Antonía Jenkins, my sister." Hermione extended her hand to both women, who looked absolutely nothing alike.

"You both have such lovely names." Hermione commented as she tried to get more comfortable on the settee.

"Says the one named Hermione. Our mother would write down names she liked from street signs or books she loved. Antonía was named after a town near Prague, mine was just a road in Durham, and our brothers Asher and Francesco after drinks at a bar. But, I digress, you didn't come all this way to hear about our family. I'm going to take down a few things from your notes." Without pause, Hermione handed over her folder and watched, sipping her tea, as Thisbe moved through the writing at lightning speak, absorbing the words quite quickly and efficiently.

"Full disclosure, Percy Weasley has chosen not to defend himself, he's pleading guilty. Here is his official statement, including his involvement in the deaths of your former husband, brother and sister-in-law, and parents-in-law. There are additional missives about the miscarriages and his plan to take the Potter boys for a ritual, it's quite in depth-" Hermione interrupted.

"Miscarriages?" Her voice cracked, thinking of the pain and suffering, physically and emotionally, when she'd lost each son.

"Oh, I thought he confessed this to you. I'm so sorry, he's admitted to causing you to miscarry two sons. His reasoning makes no sense to me, but it's all here as well as the people he's implicated in the crimes. Carson MacNair, Isadora LeStrange, Andromeda Tonks, and of course Sophie Michaels. They are all in custody." Thisbe sat back in her chair and watched Hermione try not to weep and fail miserably. When Antonía brought her tissue and tea, Hermione tried to calm enough to process everything Thisbe said.

"We recommend having a full physical exam to determine if you have any fertility or gestational issues. I have this questionnaire for you to fill out and we'd like to meet again at the end of the week, is this suitable?" Hermione simply nodded and shook as she thought of her second boy, at twenty-six weeks had almost been viable, but now she knew that Percy had purposely orchestrated his death. It all seemed too much. Before she could shake Thisbe's hand, she saw Severus at the door.

"Come, lets have some brunch." He reached for her and took her hand in his; she was surprised because he wasn't typically one for public displays of affection, especially at the Ministry, but he could sense and see that she needed him.

They ate in relative silence before Hermione stopped eating her egg salad sandwich and looked over to him, eyes brimming with years.

"I need to go to St. Mungos for an exam." Taking one last drink of her ginger beer, she stood abruptly and began to walk away to the lifts and floos. When she entered the lift, she was surprised he was still with her.

"You don't have to do this alone." He remarked, pushing her hair from her face and kissing her softly. Without replying, she curled into him and waited to reach the main floor, they walked to the floos and went to St. Mungos where Hermione had her physical exam, proving she had no barriers to conception or carrying a child to term, aside from the flukes of nature. It immediately relieved her mind and heart to know she and Severus could have a child, but it also made her sick, knowing Percy had taken two children from her. She'd always believed that the slicing hex had made it difficult for her to carry and have children, but it had been the malicious intent of Percy Weasley and his associates.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Hermione pulled the papers from her bag and handed them to him, closing her eyes for a moment before speaking.

"Percy purposefully caused my miscarriages." The immediate shock of her words was visible on Severus, he could sense her despair and loss so fully he felt ill. He pursued the document fully, seeing Percy's entire confession, the people involved, part of the plan and it all made a bit of sense until he got to a part which spoke of he and Hermione's marriage, how children from them would be counter the mastermind, a Dark Lord to rival Voldemort, carefully orchestrated by the people detained by the Ministry. Additionally, it detailed why Rose, Winnie, and Lily were unsuitable, though it was all a bit vague, still, but the thought that Percy had planned to hurt a child again made him ill.

"Come here. Look at me, Hermione." Severus lightly grasped her shoulders and pulled her closely, as close as he could until his arms wrapped around her neck softly. "When all of this is behind us, when we have overturned every rock, nook, and cranny, we will put it behind us and continue our lives, we'll raise our brood and live as a family as we've never truly been able to. We will honor the dead and make sure they live for our children, and if we are given another, we will relish every moment. At some point, we have to learn to let go of this pain, I am not trying to discount what Percy did to you, he violated you in ways most cannot fathom, but if we dwell on this and let our children see, we'll sacrifice the living for the dead, as George said. I cannot let that happen, but I know it will take time and we have that now." Hermione didn't know what to say, how to even respond to him with words when she'd heard him speak this way so infrequently. It was always clear that he loved them, but this was devotion on another level, him trying to help her see that there was a future, there was a way out of the despair she felt.

"Thank you, Severus, I love you." Slowly he helped wipe her face free of tears, gathered all of the paperwork and apparated them to Grimmauld Place where Draco and Lucius were watching Hyperion teach Winnie and Lily to fly on a small broom.

"Seb!"Winnie screamed when she saw him, holding her mother. Her curls flew in the wind as she took off, Lily not far behind.

"No Seb, Wook." Lily corrected, but Winnie refused and stopped in her steps, looking up to him in question.

"Seb?" Her tiny voice reached him across the garden before Lily reached he and Hermione.

"You may call me what you'd like, both of you, well within reason." He scooped Winnie up and delighted in her toothy smile, relishing the way she whispered his name and nonsense onto the delicate skin of his neck.

"Wook pway?" His head turned towards Lily, who was in Hermione's arms.

"After dinner, we need to get settled in first. Fred and Roxanne are coming in a bit and so is Louis, so you'll have plenty to play with soon." She scrunched her face and clamoured down, reaching for Winnie as she did but Winnie was still annoyed that Lily had corrected her, the stubbornness reminding him so much of Hermione.

"Come with me, I have something to show you." Lucius reached for Winnie but she wouldn't let Severus go, instead she wrapped her arms around him and closed her eyes.

"Winnie, poppet, I need a hug, too." Without hesitating, Winnie let go of Severus and fell into Hermione's arms, wrapping her arms and legs around her so tightly Hermione could barely breathe. Slowly, Hermione began humming and walked with Winnie back into the house, leaving Severus to catch Lucius and Draco up. When he came to see if she'd upacked anything, he found Hermione and Winnie sleeping in the master bed, Hermione's hand still stroking her hair in her sleep. As he was going to turn away and leave them to rest, he saw Winnie wave at him, motioning him over.

"I still have my shoes on." He whispered, sitting next to her and holding her little hand.

"Seb, pwease." It was too difficult for him to resist her, especially knowing she'd experienced some of Hermione's anguish. Slowly and quietly, he removed his boots, unbuttoned his frock coat, and lay next to them with his hand resting on her back as she breathed.

"Were you a good girl for your uncles?" Moving her hair gently from her face, he watched as she nodded and reached to hold his hand. He was suddenly filled with fear, despair, and unfathomable love; it was clear that she was projecting her emotions since she didn't have enough words to express herself. "I will protect you, I promise. You're safe here, with your mother and me, with your uncles and aunts, brothers and sisters. We are a family, we will take care of each other." For the first time in his life, it really hit home staring into the eyes of his adopted daughter, lying across from his wife in a house full of people who cared about them; he'd never felt this before, he was part of a family, he was included in something that didn't harm others or require from him what he couldn't give. He didn't know what else to say to her as her eyes searched him, so he shifted and moved closer, resting his arm across both of them watching her rest until he almost fell asleep, waking only when Lily tiptoed in and crawled onto the bed.

"You are too dirty to be on this bed, Lily. Come." She made another face, but reached for him and let him carry her to the loo. "Were you a good girl for your uncles?"He asked her the same question as Winnie and watched as her little head bobbed as he used his wand to clean the grass from her strawberry hair, then took a cool flannel and wiped her hands and face. She splashed him a bit with the water and saw, not for the first time, his pursed lips and narrowed eyes until her own went wide, worried for only a moment that he would be more displeased than her little one could rationalize. Instead, his lips curled up and he lifted her from the sink and went with her to the dining room, then kitchen where Charlie was preparing dinner.

"Is Hermione resting?" Severus merely nodded and went with his second-youngest girl out of the house into the garden and watched as the children played, transfiguring some temporary boots since he'd left his in the bedroom, taking a breath and finding some peace for a moment before his mind began racing again with questions and answers to the hideous plan he suddenly felt he didn't understand at all.

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

Hermione met with Thisbe again a few days later to discuss the possibility of meeting with Percy privately since he was refusing to defend himself, but Hermione wouldn't entertain the idea without Severus present and the idea of speaking with Percy at all made her ill. Before leaving Thisbe's office, she read all of the information she'd been given by the Wizengamot about the plot to kill the Potters and Weasleys, how she was supposed to have died as well that day on the van and how Lily and Winnie were as expendable as Rose was, as the entire family aside from James and Albus were. None of it made sense to her at all and it seemed like there were huge gaps in the stories, especially from Sophie Michaels and Carson MacNair; it was impossible to determine who was the mastermind behind everything because for all his faults she didn't think Percy was the culprit.

"What would make anyone want to kill their own family?" Hermione said aloud, mostly to herself and the void, finally looking up when she heard the door open and saw Lucius come through.

"Severus asked me to accompany you to the ministry for lunch, are you ready?" Hermione eyed him suspiciously, sure Severus had told her Lucius was in France with Narcissa and Hyperion to shop for new bedroom furniture and other things to redecorate the second floor of Cherrybrooke. When she shuffled the papers back into their folders, she thought of something to ask him, something he would only know but her mind seemed to go blank as soon as she tried to consider their history.

"Actually, I have an hour or more of research to do here, I'll send Severus a message." His arm went up on the door frame, crawling fingers caressing the soft wood before joining her at the table.

"Are you afraid of me?" He asked, the words melting from his lips like they had when she was younger, when Lucius was still a man who outwardly, at least, loathed muggleborns.

"Why would I be afraid of you? You've watched my girls and saved me more than once. Come, sit with me." She moved some of her folders to make room for him next to her, trying to stop her heart from ripping from her chest; she knew she couldn't suspect every person in her life of sabotage, of having ulterior motives and the constant fear would ruin her life.

"You're trembling." His words were electric on her skin, flowing over her and sending shivers across her body. "Please don't be afraid of me, I would never harm you." When Hermione still couldn't ease her shaking body, he pulled her into his arms and whispered, "what can I do, my dove? How can I help you?" Tears sprang forth from her eyes, although the memories of what Percy and Sophie had done were mere ink drops on parchment, they still crept through her mind like a web, attaching to happy events full of love and optimism, to people she saw as family, to some moments in her day that should have been preserved for happiness or at least productivity. Instead, she was wrapped in Lucius' arms, shaking and crying as though Percy were still in the room, as though Ron had just died, as though Severus has really hurt her.

"Please, don't tell Severus. I can't have him worrying more, he has enough-" the rest was unintelligible, sobs and garbled lists of things Severus was responsible for.

"I won't, I swear, but you must promise me to never hold this in, I am but an owl away, my dove." Kissing the top of her head, Lucius pulled her tighter, letting her cry a while longer before helping her gather her materials and leaving the office.

"Let's have a good nosh, then I'll show you what Narcissa has done with the rooms, it's ghastly." She took his arm and walked with him to the apparition point, smiling animatedly at him.

"You've been spending a great deal more time at Cherrybrooke than you used to. Has Narcissa, erm, uh, relented?" Lucius smirked and Hermione knew, they'd come at least to a real agreement, a real understanding of a sort.

"Have you kissed her?"

"A gentleman does not kiss and tell, my dear." Wrapping her in his arms again, he apparated them both to the Ministry, to a lively lunch with Severus, and then to Cherrybrooke where Hyperion was playing with an animated dragon toy Charlie and Billy had brought him. It struck Hermione that a Malfoy child might never have become so closely engendered to a Weasley had the difficult and devastating things not happened; she certainly wished they hadn't, but at the same time at least there was some good, even in the chaos and sadness.

"Here, this suite is for guests, it's been completely redone. Narcissa would appreciate if you and Severus would bring the girls around and stay, she misses having Astoria and Scorpius around, I think she's lonely." This made Hermione smile, Lucius looked happier than she'd ever seen him. Her heart now burst for quite another reason, it beat rapidly against her chest as she felt herself stop breathing; it would all work out, they would all be their version of happy someday, she hoped to have a child with Severus and their family would be complete.

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

Sitting across from Thisbe Jenkins for the third time that week, Hermione could barely believe her ears. Percy was again asking for an independent meeting, to forgo the trial and just speak with her before a Wizengamot council decided his fate. For a moment, she considered why he would want to speak with her and as though reading her mind, Thisbe pushed a piece of paper over towards Hermione. It read, "You were targeted in the Department of Mysteries by Dolohov because you are part of a prophecy." He signed his name, the scratchy writing she recognized from years of studying near him in the library.

"How can he possibly believe I'll meet with him when he's killed his own family, he's taken two of my children, he's created a fake scenario where he planned to rape me and make me think my husband was having an affair with a woman who turned out to be someone else?" More hypothetical than actually looking for answers, Hermione buried her head in her hands and took deep breaths, worried she might lash out.

"We recommend you meet with him before the other trials, if there are more secrets to be told he may bring them to light before the others and honestly, wouldn't you rather hear those before the public does?" Hermione couldn't deny that Thisbe was right, that her logic was certifiable but she still didn't want to see Percy again, not in the slightest.

"I'll make my decision by Friday, but for now I need to get home." She rose quickly and shook Thisbe's hand, taking the note from Percy and putting it in her bag before walking through the Ministry, sending a quick note to Seamus about coming for dinner and the minister about her getting back to work, thinking perhaps being in Ireland would allow her a normal existence. After stepping through the floo, she arrived home in seconds, dusted off a bit and found Lucius with her girls, listening to classical music and watching a transfigured doll dance, both girls trying to mimic her movements.

"Are you trying to make aristocrats of my babies?" Hermione jokes, but instead of answering Lucius simply took her hand and twirled her around the sitting room, and for a moment, though he hadn't actually been there, she thought of the Moulin Rouge.

"They will be beautiful dancers, if I have anything to say about it." All three Granger girls giggled, before Lucius twirled her once more and then took Winnie in his arms as Hermione grabbed Lily.

"Woose dance." Winnie held him tightly as Severus and Seamus arrived, finding the scene far more agreeable than the Ministry had been.

"Woose?" Seamus asked.

"Winnie has a difficult time pronouncing certain letters, Lucius is Woose, Severus is Seb or Wook, Rose did the same thing." Before kissing her cheeks and hugging her tightly, Hermione reluctantly let Lily go into Severus' arms and answered Seamus' question.

"You'll be sad when she pronounces everything correctly, I remember how disappointed Severus was when Rose could finally say her v's." Kissing Severus softly, she left them to put her bag in the bedroom before changing from her formal robes into lounge clothes.

"How was your meeting with Jenkins?" She heard from behind her as she changed, running her fingers through her hair.

"We can talk about it later." Standing on her toes, she kissed him again, not ready to rehash her meeting with the barrister in lieu of having a pleasant family night.

"The first trial has been set, Isadora Lestrange in one weeks time." Rolling her eyes, Hermione thought she'd made it clear she didn't want to talk about the trials or lawyers, the impending heaviness.

"You can't avoid what's happening; for your sake and theirs I think you should be a bit more focused." She dropped her arms immediately and stepped back.

"I'm not trying to avoid anything, I just said we could talk about Thisbe and Percy later. I want to have family dinner, and I wanted it with a little less drama." It hit her, Severus' coping mechanism was always reverting to the teacher, the responsible one, the leader and she knew not to bait him, not to engage with him because they'd only fight and it had been so long since that happened.

"I'm going to cook." Without another word she left their bedroom and went to the kitchen, passing Kreacher who was sweeping the hallway and then went to the larder, it had been a while since she'd been able to cook for her family. It had been a joy to cook for them over the summer, she wished she could steal some the happiness from that time in a bottle.

When her beef roast, vegetables, gravy and bread were ready she called for dinner, making small plates for the girls and then pouring their milk in sippy cups. She listened as Seamus, Lucius, and Severus spoke about matters at the Ministry and the amount of work pressing them.

"Crawford said you were returning to Ireland, when will that be?" Hermione looked up from her plate, seeing a curious but also miffed look on Severus' face before she answered Seamus.

"When the first trial is over, they'll have the other trials set and I'll be able to apparate when needed." She heard Severus mumble something under his breath but tried to leave it alone. Focusing instead on Winnie and Lily who were both singing a song they must've made up.

"Were you good for Uncle Lucius?" Hermione asked them, noting that they both smiled widely.

"These darling girls are always good for Uncle Lucius." It still surprised Hermione every now and then that Lucius had become such a fixture in her life and now the lives of her children. He had a calm about him, most likely brought on from time in Azkaban, yet it filled the room when he spoke or played with the girls.

"What will you do once you go back to Ireland?" He asked her, noting that Severus appeared to be displeased about the situation.

"Continue diplomatically, unless Crawford has altered my job code." Hermione buttered her bread and took a bite before giving the girls a few extra potatoes and carrots.

"You aren't concerned all members of this odd grouping have been incarcerated?" Lucius asked, knowing it was what Severus wanted to say yet hoped coming from him she would be less frustrated.

"Some moments and then others I recall being here for months with almost nothing to occupy my mind and that's a dark place I don't want to visit again." With that, he immediately nodded and changed the conversation. Clearing the dishes and sending everything to the kitchen, Hermione took the girls to the nursery and cleaned their faces first, then ran a bath, watching them play while her stress seemed to finally ebb. She felt him at the door before he said a word.

"Seb!" Winnie squeaked, splashing a bit as he stepped closer, rolling his sleeves up and sudsing up her hair. Hermione rinsed as he turned to Lily's hair, then both girls were clean, toweled off and ready for a story. New nappies, jammies with feet, and warm blankets pulled tightly around them, Hermione told them a story about she, Harry, and Ron finding fluffy on the trap door in their first year. She downplayed how large the three-headed dog was, but the girls still listened with pleasure, in rapt attention.

"Now it's time for the sandman to visit sweet little girls. I love you, Lily. I love you, Winnie." They both whispered their "wub yous" as they snuggled with Soot and Midnight who always seemed to find the girls at bedtime. Kissing them both softly, she charmed their nightlight and set the wards before going into the bedroom, Severus trailing her obviously ready to finish the conversation he's started earlier in the day.

"Can you please just wait until we know they're asleep?" Hermione begged, a fear rising up in her that somehow Severus was finally feeling the weight of all that had changed, happened that year, from getting married to adopting the children, it was a massive responsibility, not to mention the ensuing court cases.

"I'm not trying to pick a fight with you." He whispered, sitting squarely on the sofa, arms folded.

"Really?" Was her quick response, following suit and sitting across from him. "I asked to talk of my meeting with Thisbe later and you accused me of not taking the trials seriously. Of all people, how dare you say that." She felt herself moments from tears, moments from caving in and admitting she was not well, that she was barely holding it together and she needed Ireland and work to occupy her mind.

"You seemed flippant in the moment." His tone was sharp, as sharp as it had been the year before.

"I was still reeling from being told that Percy has once again requested a meeting by giving me this- apparently there was a prophecy about me and most likely you except we'll never hear it because Dolohov destroyed it after hexing me." She unfolded her arms and pulled the note from her bag, handing it to Severus and knitted her hands tightly together. "And when I got here, I was just too pleased to find Lucius dancing with the girls, everything felt free for a moment, I'm sorry if that made me 'lose sight' of the importance of these cases." Her tone was light, her breathing even and measured, she simply waited for a vicious retort, one he would've give the year before. Burying her head between her arms for a moment, she took a deep breath and hoped he would let it lie. When he opened his mouth to speak, she cut him off.

"Dolohov meant to kill me over that prophecy and when he didn't succeed he told some of his buddies they needed to get the job done. The LeStranges were obviously told, MacNair, Rookwood. Regardless, I'm going to meet with Percy and I'd like it if you would be present." She looked over to him, unable to temper her emotions for a moment, her grief filling the room so adequately she was worried Winnie would awaken.

"Of course." His words were matter-of-fact, devoid of the caring she'd come to know of her husband and it frightened her.

"What's happened?" She meekly asked, wanting to get close to him to break the spell of heaviness in the room.

"Nothing's happened." But Hermione could see he was obviously dealing with something, though she couldn't begin to guess what.

"Alright, well I'm going to shower." Without another word, she went to the loo, disrobed and stood under the hot spray, trying her best to think of happier moments, of the girls dancing with Lucius. When she felt sufficiently clean, she wrapped her robe tightly around her body and found Severus in the same spot, sitting and looking at the nursery door. If he wouldn't talk, she didn't want to push him but at the same time she knew that something was off. Leaning down as she passed, she kissed cheek and patted his shoulder, only to find her hand gripped tightly and he turned to face her.

"I…" He began, but the words failed. He slowly let her hand go as she moved to put her pajamas on and crawl into bed. It took him moments to stand, to shower and come to lie next to her in bed. She was practically asleep as he reached for her, pulling her taut against him and wishing he knew how to deal with all of the aspects of the upcoming trials, to support and defend her, to protect their children. Sleepily she pulled his arm tighter around her body, possessively holding him.

"I'm concerned, Hermione." His whispered words barely made it through her hair into her ears before she was asleep, but he could see a small smile on her face and he felt a bit better. He'd apologize legitimately in the morning.

Hours later, Lily came through the nursery door and climbed into bed, sobbing so hard Hermione could barely understand her little words. Soon after, Winnie came through and tried to crawl into bed but her little legs made it difficult, so Hermione pulled her up and set them both in front of her.

"What's happened, my little loves?" Neither spoke but kept looking at her as though they were in pain, both trying to wipe their tears as quickly as they fell but being incapable, leaning forward, she gathered them both in her arms and went to the nursery.

"Rook is asleep and we don't want to wake him. Here, come rest with me." She transfigured their toddler beds into one larger bed and took her place on the edge, Lily against the wall and Winnie sandwiched between.

"Do you think you can tell me now?" She asked Lily, who rarely had bad dreams or woke in the middle of the night.

"Sad." Was all she said but Hermione didn't quite know why. Perhaps she missed Charlie and Billy or her older siblings. Searching through her mind, she didn't see anything standing out, though a toddler's mind was certainly a mess.

"I'm sorry, poppet. Let's try and sleep, okay, tomorrow will be happier." Lily snuggled tightly to Winnie who had already fallen back asleep, then closed her eyes, forcing Hermione to enter her library, carefully putting books back on the shelf, taking Percy's book and putting it delicately on the top shelf, hoping she would be able to vanish it completely someday. She had two major appointments to get to in the next days, Winnie's evaluation by the healers for her empath tendencies and to speak with Percy; both filled her with dread.

The next morning, Severus found them all huddled under fluffy blankets together, Winnie's arms wrapped tightly around Lily as they slept. Gently waking Hermione, he watched in his disorientation a smile first then confusion, as though she didn't recall coming into the nursery at all. Begrudgingly leaving the covers, she took his hand and shivered from the absence of the blankets.

"I wanted to apologize, for…" but Hermione stopped him with a kiss.

"You are a good husband and you always want the best for us." She responded, folding herself around him trying to steal his warmth.

"Be that as it may, I was short tempered and you've been through enough, I shouldn't add to your difficulties." Hermione nodded, she agreed that he could've voiced his concern in a more appropriate way, but still knew how much he wanted to spare them the pain of any of the people getting out because they were unprepared, or worse Hermione being hurt trying to find answers on her own.

"Let us continue with this day. Winnie has her evaluation and I need to let Thisbe know I will meet with Percy on Saturday." Pulling at the waist of his pajama pants, Hermione teased him a bit, warding the door to the nursery and stepping up to kiss him, his mouth warm against hers, his hands pulling her top off quickly.

"Shower?" She breathed against him, his body obviously keen for more.

"Wait...Hermione, I really am sorry."

"And I am, too." She paused with him and put her hand over his, she knew he was not the bad man she was convinced he was before, that he only wanted to hurt her, that he only wanted some kind of retribution for her having saved him. So she took his hands, divested him of the rest of his clothes and hers, and took her time getting ready that morning, hoping that when she took Winnie to get evaluated, it was nothing more than they already expected.

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

 _(Hermione is three years old)_

 _"Come to Nonny, I am going to tell you a secret." Hermione ran to her grandmother's legs, reaching for her as soon as her Nonny put her arms down. "When I was a little girl, my grandmother told me a story about very special people who lived not far from here. They go to a fancy school and have all kinds of powers. She said I would go when I got my letter, but it never came my little darling, and I never told anyone about it, for you see my parents had died young, I was left to my grandmother's care and by the time my letter should've come, her memory was gone. You, my dear, are the first magical child in our family in ages."Hermione blinked a few times, not really understanding what her grandmother was saying, simply enjoying the snuggle._

 _"When you are eleven, you will go to a big school and have friends who are like you. They will not know you come from the Mitford line, we've all died out without magic save you. Oh, and you'll be so powerful. Your Uncle Winston was a seer, a true visionary, and empath. Your mum seems to believe you may be a bit of an empath yourself, but that makes sense, now doesn't it. Here, look at these." Her grandmother held many pictures for her to look at, people in long robes with odd smiles and tall hats or long beards. It made her giggle, it made her think of the lady in green who had visited them._

 _"Someday, you will know what you've truly inherited, my darling, and I hope I am around to see it." Nonny leaned down and kissed Hermione's head, before taking the pictures back and putting them in her beaded bag, where she kept everything useful she'd ever need. She couldn't remember exactly who'd given it to her, but it had gone everywhere with her since she could recall._

 _"Nonny!" Hermione called out as her parents put her in a heavy coat to go shopping for Christmas presents. It took hours to wind through the stores and galleries, to find presents for extended relatives and grandparents. Hermione was tired pretty quickly, but she tried to keep up as best as she could, holding her mum's hand as tightly as possible. When they finally returned home, she curled up with Reginald and her Nonny, who always seemed to smell of spices, and waited for dinner before her bath. She couldn't really remember much of what her grandmother had said, but she did love her bag so much, it's sparkly beads catching her eyes as the tree lights came on and Jane and Martin called them to dinner. Nonny carried her through, kissing her cheek softly and smoothing her hair before they all sat together at the table and ate. Hermione felt safe, unaware that her Nonny would start losing her memory as all the women in her line did, and as early as her second year could barely remember Hermione's name. It was the Christmas of her third year she was gifted the beaded bag, only vaguely recalling it from her childhood as she opened it, trolling through it immediately and finding an odd stitching, the name Octavia Mitford and then her grandmother's name, Ruth Mitford Cooper._

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

The air cracked as Hermione and Winnie arrived at St. Mungos hospital, both chilled from the sleeting weather. Hermione held tightly to Winnie as they entered the lift and made it to their floor, checking in and waiting for the healer.

"Mummy." Hermione watched as Winnie thumbed through a little book of animals, pointing to a black cat that looked like Soot and Midnight, just as their names were called to be seen.

"Hello, Madame Granger, I am healer Gibbons." Hermione extended her hand, wanting badly to use legilimency to ensure this wasn't a fraud, that this man wasn't going to harm her daughter. He was tan and tall, looking like the men she'd met from Morocco when they'd a case years before.The richness brown of his eyes reminded her of her grandfather, her Nonny's husband Mitchell Cooper, but the beautiful dark curls on his head reminded her of Severus, if his hair had had any curl.

"I can see you are troubled." He added, bringing her tea.

"We've been through a great deal since she was born, I don't want anything or anyone to make things worse." Bluntly, she replied, taking the tea and checking for potions, none were present.

"Tell me about your Winifred." Winnie looked to the man who'd said her name immediately, going to his side and deciding that he was a good egg.

"Even in the womb she fed off emotions, when I was particularly sad or withdrawn, she would be extremely active and try to get me moving, after she was born we noticed quickly that she was quite sensitive to emotion, feeling as we did but not understanding why. For example, if my husband and I fight, she gets really emotional, this happened more before we were married, and oh he's not violent we just were terrified she would be killed, with her siblings or her father's family." She paused, not knowing what else to say.

"There is no judgement here, Madame Granger. We seek only to understand so we can help. Before you walked in this room, I could read both of your emotions, could hear your thoughts as loud as thunder. I am a seer, an empath, I was trained to control my power because it became overwhelming to sense and feel so much, to see and not understand. I have a few tests to run on Winifred and then we will speak again." Hermione sipped her tea, impressed by Healer Gibbons and watched as he came to sit next to Winnie on the settee. It was fascinating to watch him with her daughter, how effortlessly he must've been speaking to her through their minds and how keenly he watched her movements. Winnie continued to smile at him, even mimicking with her hands something she wanted or in reply to something she asked. For a moment, Hermione wondered how he could make sense of some of her toddler-gibberish, but he did, the dictoquil behind him moving effortlessly at a speed she'd only seen with news reporters.

"Mummy!" Winnie giggled, running to Hermione and wrapping her arms around her legs, then to the door she ran, then to his desk. At this point Hermione was completely lost as to what was happening with her daughter, she remained in awe, however as Winnie came to her side again and touched her face, reaching for Healer Gibbons, showing them both the same image in their minds. It was Hermione pregnant, at first she couldn't tell which pregnancy until she entered the lift at the Ministry and she saw Severus, her belly touching his back and Winnie kicking.

"You remember that, darling?" Hermione asked, watching as the healer and Winnie sat together on the floor again, he put some blocks in front of her and watched as she built an octagon, then a bridge, and lastly a replica of the Astronomy tower, terrifying Hermione if Winnie was able to see past events, to see her jumping from the Astronomy tower or even Severus killing Albus Dumbledore.

"Winifred, I want you to keep playing with the blocks while I speak with your mummy, okay?" Her curls bobbed as she continued building anything her mind could fathom, happily playing while Hermione turned in her chair and sat across from Healer Gibbons.

"Your daughter is quite powerful, Madame Granger. We do several tests for mental acuity, memory, visions, and emotional availability. Was someone in your ancestry a seer?" Hermione nodded, she couldn't remember anyone in her family being magical at all but had known someone had to be because her beaded bag was magical.

"You expressed on the forms that you have had some of the same abilities as Winifred since you were a child, you probably had more but when you had Winifred, some of those powers transferred to her. Based upon the results I've seen today, there is no doubt that you have a true empath, a seer who way someday have revelations,it is unclear right now because she is so young." Hermione tried to take in his words, it wasn't as though this was all unexpected, but it was a bit unsettling to say the least.

"Would someone in family have to have been a seer for her to be one?" Hermione asked, looking over her shoulder at her precious girl, her dark red curls covering her face while she played.

"No, not necessarily though it does increase the odds. I only asked because Winifred kept mentioning the name Octavia, as though she knew an older woman or perhaps was attuned to a spirit in your home?" Hermione's brow furrowed, where had she seen the name Octavia before? Opening her bag, she saw it, stitched right next to her grandmother's name Ruth Mitford Cooper was Octavia Mitford.

"Maybe my great, great grandmother? I don't know anything about my heritage really because my Nonny Ruth got dementia when I was in school. Does Octavia Mitford mean anything?" Hermione showed him the stitching, the contents of her beaded bag shifting so he didn't see anything but the stitching.

"Was this her bag?" Healer Gibbons asked, touching the stitching, finding it curious since Winifred had said the name over and over.

"I assume, my Nonny left it to me, it's a magical bag that's how I knew that someone else in my family had to have magic, but my Mum is the only one left of the Coopers." He tapped his fingers looking between Hermione and Winnie, obviously formulating an idea.

"The Mitfords don't immediately ring a bell, but there is a text about the history of seeing and I believe they are mentioned. Regardless, Winifred will continue to exhibit signs of empathy, her powers will only get stronger as she ages and comes into her magic which will be very soon. I suggest a type of therapy, to help her shut out emotions, voices, etcetera that perhaps are overwhelming. These techniques can be taught by you with meetings with a healer once a month, unless you'd prefer her to meet with a healer every time. I have a few texts that would be helpful and I'm a floo call away." It was a bit overwhelming, but Hermione understood the importance of helping Winnie deal with her gift, so it didn't become a curse.

"I wonder why this has affected her so and not my eldest daughter." Hermione suddenly said allowed.

"It's almost like a genetic lottery, but magical. Did you experience any trauma between their births? Were you in a different place in your life when she was conceived?" She looked into his warm almond eyes and thought about everything that had happened between Rose's birth and Winnie's, undoubtedly so much had happened.

"Yes, I miscarried twice, once in my second trimester. I became reaquainted with an old friend, we'd parted on horrible terms and I'd guilt about it for years, and because of that things in my life had calmed considerably when Winnie came, until her father and family were killed of course." Hermione's eyes watered, thinking of losing Ron, of everyone. How much she desperately missed Harry and Ginny, how much she wanted them around, how much she wanted Molly to hug her once more, for Arthur to walk her to lunch and pat her hand just so.

"It is only conjecture as the research is still quite in infancy, but when there is a family history of empath behavior, typically following trauma power manifests, so your latent power was probably stronger, and as you say your life had changed with this improved relationship but still feeling the loss of your two children, this energy could've been channeled in little Winifred as she gestationally grew, tapping into her magical DNA, either way, she is certainly a seer and empath." Hermione nodded again softly, trying to think to times when her own magic had a will of it's own, when she'd acted without thought and just moved, saved, flew.

"I have an odd question." Hermione stated, thinking to Severus and her healing of him. "Would an empath know how to save someone without the actual knowledge, what I mean is, to be called to save someone and do so with no real recollection that you're doing it at the time?" Images bombarded her brain, over and over she saw herself saving Severus, walking to the Shrieking Shack, shoving the bezoar in his mouth, pouring the potions, lifting him as though he were weightless, the countless times she was compelled to his side once in the infirmary, it all flooded back to her.

"Yes, this is sometimes called a soul call, an empath is attuned to the soul of another and answers the call with whatever magic is necessary. The two people would have to be connected in some way, though for the soul call to happen." Hermione heard his words, but she couldn't remember a moment in time when she and Severus would've connected before the final battle, maybe the connection he was referring to could be a multitude of relationships. She had always respected him as a professor.

"I ask because in this particular instance, the person I saved was a virtual stranger in terms of intimate knowledge of each other, I'd known him since I was eleven but I didn't really know him, yet when he was dying, I was compelled to his side, I saved him with magic I didn't even know existed." Healer Gibbons looked at her thoughtfully, he'd heard of cases like these before, but not perhaps to the great extent Hermione was described.

"Had you been in any kind of intimate contact, and I don't mean sexual here but perhaps another medical situation or where there was some sort of trauma related to him?"

"Yes, in my fifth year, I was hexed and he made the potions to heal me but I don't remember him being there, he didn't even know I had the scars until much later." She paused, thinking back, trying to figure out when his or her soul would've called to the other. She wondered if perhaps he'd tried to help her in the Department of Mysteries or was even there when Dolohov hexed her.

"How curious. Think on that, perhaps we dig deeper when I see Winifred again. I understand that there is a trial next week and that you will be returning to Ireland to work, I can travel to you if need be." Her eyebrow quirked. "Sorry, I meant to tell you Winifred filled me in." Hermione's head snapped to Winnie was walking towards her, arms outstretched and ready for a big hug.

"Yes, the first trial is next week and I'll be going back to work after that. I appreciate that you are willing to come to Ireland for help with Winnie, I'll be back here often enough for the trials I can probably schedule the meetings then. I will definitely work with her, though, and I thank you for the books." Hermione stood with Winnie in her arms, the books tucked in her bag and the next appointment made.

"Thank you for bringing her, Madame Granger, is often frustrates parents of empaths because their children feel and think so deeply, but I can tell you will raise her with compassion and understanding." Her eyes teared up a bit again as she walked away from his office, down the long hall to the lifts, and to the apparition point, landing at home in no time. When she opened the door, she found Lucius and Severus speaking in hushed voices, Lily nowhere to be found.

"Lily is down for a nap, looks like this one could use it, too." Lucius conjectured, taking Winnie from Hermione's arms and going to the nursery. Hermione's tears fell harder now, engulfing her, making her fear that Winnie would be overwhelmed with emotion for the rest of her life, that this apparent soul call had brought she and Severus together and the implications of that seemed unclear- did she love him because her soul wanted her to? Along with thoughts of meeting Percy Weasley, Hermione felt overwhelmed herself, the compassion exhibited by Healer Gibbons, the gentle way he'd interacted with Winnie and even herself, she simply couldn't handle it for a moment.

"Thisbe sent this." Rubbing her eyes, she took the short missive and went to the kitchen to make tea, reading that Percy had agreed to Saturday. When the kettle screamed in completion, she poured the water over her diffuser and waited, her mind and body calming instantly from the smell of the oolong tea. Absentmindedly she stirred her tea, adding a splash of milk and then sitting at the table, when Severus came in she didn't recognize him for a moment.

"Is our girl an empath?" He asked, sitting next to her, taking her freehand in his and lacing their fingers together, she felt the tether, was that their souls calling to each other?

"Yes and a seer, she's already had visions, she showed the healer, his name is Gibbons and I actually rather like him, anyway, she showed him things about our life, things she remembers from being in utero even, I'm going to have to be far more careful around her until she learns more about herself." Hermione's mind continued to race as she thought about Octavia Mitford, Percy, the trials coming up and finally putting an end to the tragedy of losing so many people.

"And what has he said we should do?" Severus leaned forward, forcing Hermione to look at him.

"Therapies that help her control what she sees and hears, how she interacts with people. He gave me some books to read so I can work with her in between appointments, since I am an empath as well, just not a seer." Suddenly she wondered if Lucius might have records of old magical families, if the Mitfords meant anything to him.

"I would like to read them as well."

"Of course, the more we help her the better. Thank you." Hermione brought his hand to her mouth and kissed it, squeezing it as she did.

"She's my girl, as you are and I don't want either of you to suffer if we can avoid it." He took both of her hands and pulled her onto his lap, wrapping her tightly in his embrace, just holding her like as though protecting her from a storm. As her sniffling stopped, she kissed him squarely, wondering just how long their souls has been 'calling' to each other. She didn't buy into the idea of soul mates, but this was magic and it was certainly real.

"Let's lie down while the girls are resting. Lucius is going to Cherrybrooke to gather Hyperion to come have dinner." Hermione jumped up, trying to catch Lucius before he left, running through the house and finding him on the stoop.

"Wait! Lucius!" He turned, seeing her almost ragged in her efforts to stop him.

"Do you have any tomes on old families, I don't know if they're pureblood or not." She held the door as he thought briefly.

"Yes, we have some texts that detail families back for hundreds of years. What is the name?"

"Mitford." She replied, watching his face shift immediately.

"Are you related to the Mitfords? They've all died, or at least that's what my father told me as a young man. The Mitfords were very powerful, secretive and antisocial, they rarely attended high society, but they were certainly influential. I will bring you what I have." Hermione nodded, finding that being related to a powerful family or a magical family explained her own magica abilities, that it hadn't been some fluke of nature, just latent magical energy waiting to burst, and it did, through her, through Rose, and Winnie.

She joined Severus in their bed, her mind unable to stop until she went to her library. She hoped Winnie would grow up as normally as possible, would not be asked by people to read their futures, to become an oddity. Severus reached for her and tucked her in his side, kissing her neck softly and running his fingers through her hair.

"I love you, Severus." She whispered, turning a bit to catch his lips and felt her tears start again. What if their love was a product of her abilities, of her natural inclination to understand and feel the emotions of others, that this soul call, she remembered Professor Flitwick calling it that in the infirmary, had brought them together and forced their future. But then she thought about marrying Ron, of Severus forcing her to leave Hogwarts all those years ago and believed truly that if it had been the soul call alone, they wouldn't have been able to simply walk away, not that either of them really walked away, but when they did find each other again, it was different, it was mature, it was love and not just healing.

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

 _(Hermione's last year at Hogwarts)_

 _She stared down from the Astronomy tower, watching as nature kept pace with the wind and natural static in the air. For a brief moment she contemplated jumping again, feeling the rush and immediate pleasure of falling, freely, without fear. Without another thought she stepped to the ledge, her trainers slipping a bit on the cool stone wall and then with little effort she fell, floating at comfortable pace, the wind whirling and whipping around her and when she landed, she wanted nothing more than to do it again. But there were exams to prepare for and papers to be written, so instead she left the grounds and entered the castle once more, walking to the library when suddenly she felt a chill, a tingling in her spine that pulled her another direction, she was sure she knew where it was leading her, she'd felt this pull before. When she came into the infirmary, she saw him gagging over a pot and looking rather rundown. They hadn't spoken in weeks, yet something forced her to come to him._

 _"How can I help?" She asked in between his heaves, dampening a flannel to wipe his face._

 _"You shouldn't be here." He snapped, pushing her hand away when she tried to wipe his brow. But something more powerful than him took over, in her as well and he felt her in a trance, staring through him, her hands on either side of his face, murmuring some Latin words he could barely make out. They must've been that way for twenty minutes before Severus turned and heaved a massive pile of gooey green and black material. Hermione assumed it was the last of the venom in his body, he would no longer be plagued the effects that ravaged him._

 _"How did you do that?" He whispered, his throat raw from the acid._

 _"I don't know, honestly but this isn't the first time I've spontaneously saved you." In earnest, she wiped his face and hands, helped him move to a different cot._

 _"Why are you even up here, Granger? Don't you have exams to take?" She rolled her eyes and stepped away, it really took all she had not to hex him and make him see that what he was doing was a mistake._

 _"I was compelled to be here, if you must know and now I am compelled to leave. Be well, Severus." Her heel turned so quickly Severus thought she'd used magic. She waited only a second before descending the stairs and curling up with her books in her room, playing music through the old phonograph and pretending that when she finished Hogwarts she'd find a better life._

 _For hours she studied, her eyes tired and hands sore from writing so she took a shower and made a cup of tea, lounging in her robes before tucking into bed with reading that was separate from her NEWTs. An hour or so later, when she was in that twilight place half asleep half awake, she heard a knock at the door, contemplating who could be visiting her at such an hour, she tied her robe tightly and opened the door._

 _"You left your bag" His words were scratchy like a spur was in his throat but she could see on his eyes that he was apologizing in his own way, so she stepped aside and invited him in. Reluctantly, he moved through to her settee and slumped awkwardly on the edge, taking most of the space for himself so Hermione had to sit on her bed. Folding her legs and adjusting her robe, she wondered if he considered the implications of being in her room with she in such a state and he a bit inebriated from potions, but that thought left her when he reached for her foot, using his long, sinewy fingers to caress and massage her aching feet. In such a trance she almost fell asleep, the continuous gentle pressure relieving her anxiety for moments at a time, for the time in weeks really. When he switched to her other foot, his hands working hard on her feet and ankles, her valve muscles until she knew he would discover that she only had knickers on under her robe and quite fancied the idea, even if he had been to withdrawn and cruel, she relished being so close to him again. He moved swiftly to sit next to her on the bed, his hands now massaging her shoulders and scalp, pushing her senses to the max as though she could only process one sensation at a time. When she began to fall asleep, he lay back with her, still running his fingers through her hair._

 _"I wish it could be different." He whispered against her neck. Hermione didn't quite know how to respond, because she certainly wanted something different with him, so she turned in his arms and held him tightly,resting her head on his chest._

 _"It can be any way we want it." She finally replied, but she knew this was a sort of goodbye. He was expressing his gratitude and taking the last bits of comforts he could before she had to leave._

 _"In my estimation, nothing in life is any way we want it." He was right, especially about himself, but Hermione believed they'd been through enough to settle for the way 'things should be'._

 _"I disagree, we have a lifetime ahead of us, to map and plan as we will." He contemplated her words, for once wishing they were true but knowing the Ministry would have him on a short string._

 _"Lifetime or no, you are leaving."_

 _"And who brokered that,Sir?" She pulled away a bit, miffed with hm for making her exams set early._

 _"You have so much to accomplish…"_

 _"I can't say I understand, well anything about you most of the time, but can we stay just like this a little while longer?" He simply nodded and brought her closer to him, her head on his chest again, hearing him breath and his heart beating. She could imagine a life where he loved her, was devoted her and she to him. It was all right there in his arms, wrapped keenly around her._

 _"Why must it end?"_

 _"Because it must, now rest." He kissed her forehead and pulled her closer, finally bringing her duvet around them and feeling her breathing slow as she finally fell asleep. He could tell it had been ages since she'd had a proper rest and though he knew it would only hurt them more in the long run, he refused to move, to let go of the delicate and fearsome creature next to him until he had to._


	19. Chapter 19

**AN: Serious warning about this chapter in terms of some revelations- but still some is not what it seems! My other warnings stand as well- character deaths, language, sexuality, etc.I won't even begin to make excuses for my posting schedule. I hope this chapter helps answer some of the questions, but to be sure there's still more to be uncovered. Warnings for graphic depictions of abuse and an odd scene between HG and SS in her 2nd year, not meant to be sexual at all. Thank you for reading!**

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

(Hermione in 3rd year)

 _"Hermione, your Nonny Ruth is here for dinner, come down please." Hermione heard her mother call and put her books aside, knowing they were leaving early in the morning for the Three Broomsticks, seeing Ron and the Weasleys and apparently Harry, who Ron sent an owl about, something about his magic and his horrid Aunt Marge. Bounding down the stairs, Hermione ran into the dining room and saw her already placed in her spot for Sunday dinner. With a smile and a hug Hermione joined her and watched as they shared one of her favorite meals, Shepherd's Pie with extra gravy and mashed potatoes. They talked about her going back to school, to taking more courses so she could learn more about what she wanted to do with her life after Hogwarts, and also to ingratiate herself more in Wizarding culture. She always on the fringe, the edge of fitting in with her friends and now family, not really belonging to either world and hoping as she grew older, she would find her place on both worlds._

 _After dinner, she opened presents and watched a film with her parents and Nonny, snuggles between them and blankets, pretending it was quite cold for August. Her parents had promised when she got school supplies that she could pick out something new and for once she had no idea what she wanted. In years past, books and new quills, ink and new stationary seemed to fulfill her greatest wishes, after all she'd always been thankful to have anything since she knew there were so many that had little to nothing. But, she couldn't think of exactly what to get them so she went through a list, putting things for Ron and Harry in different categories, a fake diagram taking her concentration for a while as they watched the film, and when the credits rolled she reluctantly hugged her Nonny again, not ready to say goodbye to her so soon, when the summer had seemed so short this time._

 _As they prepared for sleep, Hermione brushed and flossed, used her fluoride mouthwash and made sure she got every surface so her parents didn't make her get out of bed to do it all again. When she switched the light off, she found her Nonny sitting on the edge of her bed._

 _"Hermione, my mind is getting dark and I need to tell you about your family." Eyebrows wrinkled, Hermione sat next to her and took her hand._

 _"I can't remember everything I need to tell you darling because I've been visited by someone and I can't remember who he was...just…" Her Nonny paused, staring deeply into her eyes, making Hermione feel as though she was reading her mind."Just be leary of the man, he will have skill and will try to take your magic." It frightened Hermione, then, the look her that crossed her Nonny's face yet her words made no sense._

 _"Nonny, that's why I'm at school at Hogwarts, so I can learn how to take care of myself in the magical world. It will be okay, I promise." But her grandmother did not look assuaged._

 _"My dear, no one is safe, in any world. Please promise me that you'll be careful, don't let your little friends talk you into dangerous activities. He will be looking for you." Frightened once more, thinking of all the peril she'd already been in with Harry and Ron, how they'd worked together and bested many obstacles, including the basilisk the previous year._

 _"I promise." Hermione replied, ardently, wishing her grandmother didn't look quite so worried; she'd never talk to her quite like since, not since she was very small, and somehow that was just as unsettling. Without another word, her grandmother patted her hand once more and left the room, leaving Hermione to take in everything she'd said and not said, the feeling that her Nonny had traveled her mind, but she thought that was impossible. She thought about it for hours before her mind eventually gave in to sleep and the next morning, when they left for Diagon Alley, her excitement over being back in the magical world and seeing the Weasleys took root and made her forget for a time what her grandmother had said. In the end she picked Crookshanks, well really he picked her; he was far older and more magical than the lady in the shop had known and had been with the Mitford family for generations. Crookshanks tried his best to remind her, to guide her into better decisions, to cuddle her and love her for as long as he could, as Ruth instructed, as Octavia, as Millicent, as Deronda, as Laoghaire had made him swear. It was his job to guide the Mitford women to adulthood and he would protect Hermione, as he'd tried with all the others; he couldn't disappoint Ruth again, by letting them hurt Jane, taking everything away. It would not happen to Hermione, he would not tolerate another LeStrange or Dolohov hurting his lady._

 ** _SSHGSSHGSSHG_**

She drew breath quickly, shocking herself awake when a tiny memory plagued her mind, perhaps after talking to Healer Gibbons the memories of her grandmother came forward in her mind, reminding her that her Nonny had been so interesting and quirky. Though her memories of her Nonny were blurry, often stilted with little weaving them together and so often she couldn't understand the things her grandmother had done or said. Yet, since seeing the healer for Winnie, Hermione had been dreaming of her Nonny every night, the niggling thought that there was something she'd forgotten, misplaced in her memory wouldn't leave her. Taking another sharp breath, she looked to Severus who was still asleep, watching him breath in and out, this lulling her a bit before she saw him open one eye.

"Can't sleep?" He asked, groggily and quietly, barely loud enough to register that he'd talked at all. Leaning over to him, her hands cupped his face as she gently kissed him, her body shifting towards his as she did, in that moment desiring to be as close to him as possible.

"Dreams." She whispered against his swollen lips, plump from her kisses as her hands left his face as circled his neck. Although her breathing was remarkably even,kissing him made her mind go blank, made her pulse race for the right reasons. Before she could even adjust to him fully waking up, he'd pushed her back, propping himself on one arm and staring at her.

"Sometimes I remember what is was like before, when I couldn't love you openly and now, look at you." His words drifted over her, calming her heart far more than she anticipated, wondering if he kept thoughts like that to himself frequently.

"You've no idea…" But the rest of her words were lost to him, his mouth claiming hers and for a moment, she wondered what she'd started. He was meticulous, his hands traveled her ravenously and though they were normally not too concerned about the sounds they made, Hermione did for a moment consider that Winnie might sense they were being intimate and didn't want to invite the emotions the child could not process, so she threw up wards and returned to her husband. Tall, lanky but muscular in places she had only noticed when she'd come to care for him after the war, Severus felt larger than life above her. There was something so powerful about the feel of his body, lean and strong, wrapped around her; she'd never felt more safe and wanted, his hushed words at her neck both tickling and delighting her.

"Budge up." She rasped, wanting to be closer, her legs pushed him into a sitting position against their headboard, her own wrapping around him as his arms did. It didn't take long to find a rhythm.

The morning arrived faster than either had anticipated, but they were that had much to do with their nighttime romance, forcing a smile on Hermione's face as she finally woke completely, stretching her arms out and finding that Severus was already out of bed. Before leaving the room, she wrapped her robe tightly around her body and went through to the nursery, both girls were still sleeping so she quietly closed the door and eventually found Severus at the table with Lucius, Draco, and thought about the book Lucius had brought her, all of the information about the Mitfords and the extensive history of prestige and sudden seclusion, sudden disappearing. She found in the book that the women seemed to die young, much earlier than the typical age for witches and wizards, and how many of them were admitted to long term care facilities, some in St. Mungos when it was first opened for mental help, though that didn't seem to be important to most of them. It made her happy to connect to family she'd never known she had, but she still felt she knew so little about them. Looking over the table again after being lost in thought, she found everyone sipping tea.

"Did my husband offer breakfast?" She asked the men as she stood next to Severus, her arm around his shoulders, noting they only had tea.

"Kreacher made a quick bread but it's cooling, he must've known we were heading somewhere unpleasant today." Severus remarked, his hand coming to hers squeezing gently.

"He can be sweet sometimes." Hermione remarked, going into the kitchen and finding two loaves of blueberry and nd lemon quick bread and freshly cooked bangers. Pouring her tea, she wrote out a note to Kreacher and left his wages, the agreed upon six galleons and chocolates from Honeydukes. She always offered more, his freedom, but Kreacher loved serving the house of Black, even if the only relatives were Draco, Scorpius, and Hyperion by Narcissa, and even Teddy, though none were as precious to him as Regulus has been, as Mrs. Black was whenever he stared at her now motionless painting.

"Will you carry the butter, please and plates? Hermione asked as Lucius came through with Winnie in his arms.

"The princesses are awake." He joked, handing Winnie over as he carefully took the butter jar and plates, giving both ladies a kiss on the cheek, making Winnie giggle.

"Did your Uncle Lucius give you a kiss? Awww, love, did you have good dreams?" Winnie nodded, one finger in her mouth as Hermione bounced her big, her wild red curls bouncing as they took the rest of breakfast into the dining room. Lily immediately clapped for the bangers and her mum, and then Winnie, though it was clear she was a bit jealous as Draco took Winnie from Hermione and setting her between he and Hyperion.

"Your girl is jealous, Severus." Hermione joked, watching Lily make a pouty face before Severus offered her some sweet bread.

"Are you ready for your meeting today?" Lucius asked leaning towards her.

"No, but I don't think I ever will be. Thank you for watching my girls, it's a huge relief not to worry about them." Hermione's eyes almost watered when she thought about having to face Percy again after their last encounter, knowing he helped kill her former husband and best friend, her favorite sister-in-law, and parents-in-law. Her entire family disjointed and wrecked because one family member was involved in something so beyond her comprehension.

"You know we always have fun, don't we?" HIs words travelled to her girls who both looked to Lucius adoringly. "Plus, we will have Hyperion with us today and he has promised us a preview of his piano lessons. And I have it on good authority that we are having tomato soup and sandwiches for lunch." Hermione smiled,Lucius seemed so domestic and lovely, she wondered if he'd been able to be like this when Draco was small but she hoped they were able to spend time together that was meaningful now. Truly, losing Astoria had to have brought them together, including Narcissa and Lucius; Hermione was convinced they would eventually completely rekindle their relationship if they hadn't already.

"I hate that we will miss your piano playing, Hyperion. Will you play for me later?" Hermione asked, smiling at the boy who reminded her so much of Astoria and Narcissa, the Black genes coming through so sharply in him,he almost reminded Hermione of Sirius in the right light.

"I will, I need more practice before Grandmother hears plays so well and I don't want to embarrass myself." His demeanor was so determined, perhaps he would be a Slytherin.

"You won't embarrass yourself, Peri, your grandmother had to start somewhere herself,and Scorpius gave up far before you did and didn't have Dragon Pox." Draco sliced him another piece of bread and filled both of their teas.

"You're right, father." For a moment, Hermione completely forgot that she was going to see Percy, but tried not to let it show once she remembered because all the children seemed happy, and heard Draco Call his son by a nickname.

"Let's get cleaned up."Severus took Lily to the nursery to get her into regular clothes for the day, Hermione followed with Winnie and went through the same routine. Running her fingers through each girl's hair, she plaited them and then kissed both girls before going through to the master bedroom to put on plain robes.

"We must leave soon." She heard over her shoulder as Severus buttoned up his traditional frock coat and long robes. He squeezed her in his arms for a moment, kissing her forehead before leaving the room. Hermione grabbed her bag and looked once more in the mirror before leaving the room herself, dissatisfied with her appearance but not so much to stay and change. Taking a deep breath, she said goodbye to the girls and went with Draco and Severus to the door, apparating to the Ministry before being directed to the secret location where Percy Weasley was being held.

"Wands, please." Not for the first time Hermione felt thankful for her windless magic skills, courtesy of Severus and Professor Flitwick. The guard cast many spells on the wands and then handed them back, surprising all three.

"Draco will wait outside the door and knows the signals. I will be disillusioned. Are you ready?" Severus took her face in his hands and watched her eyes traveling back and forth between he and Draco, the door and the floor.

"Yes, although I don't know exactly what to expect." Draco immediately moved to stand by the door and watched as Severus disappeared and Hermione turned the knob, pushing slightly and finding her eyes immediately drawn to her brother-in-law, bound by magical means at a table. The chair across from him felt far too close, so she took the top of the chair and pulled it back, watching Percy watching her.

"Thank you for coming." His voice was meek, he seemed far more guilty and recalcitrant than he'd ever been, yet it didn't make Hermione feel any relief.

"I didn't really have a choice, as it were, my council told me you had information I probably didn't want to learn in court." He nodded, his face flushing for a moment before he tried to move his hands and had a mild shock. She tried to feel empathy for him, but she was having difficulty as images from the memories she'd seen from Albus and her own murky memories flooded her mind, making her wish she was far away.

"There is so much I need to tell you, so much I wish I had never done and so much there is still to do." She scoffed, wondered where Severus was in the room disillusioned.

"Percy, I am not here for apologies or for some half-arsed attempt to convince me you're innocent-"

"I'm not innocent, I am not asking for forgiveness. I just want to tell you what has been done so you understand. I never intended to hurt anyone, not really…" He paused and she took her opportunity.

"Never intended to hurt anyone? You took two children from my womb, two little boys who were partly your blood, and that's just one example. How can you say you never intended to hurt anyone?" Before she could wipe them away, tears rolled down her cheeks, hitting her robes like church bells ringing in an abbey, they were symbols of her pain, dropping freely and painfully.

"I admit that it appears bad, but I promise, if you'll let me explain." Hermione wiped her eyes, noticing that Percy was crying as well, his eyes red-rimmed, looking like Ron had whenever they fought so badly that he lost his temper, that had always made him cry though it had happened infrequently.

"I cannot imagine for one moment what you could tell me that would make me understand why you took two children from me."

"I didn't personally take them, it wasn't my idea and I didn't know you were the vessel.." She slammed her hand on the table, it shook with such veracity Severus thought she might destroy it.

"And that somehow makes it okay?" Magic pulsed in the room, Severus worried she would do spontaneous magic, but he didn't move; he wouldn't interfere unless he thought she might kill him.

"No, it doesn't. Taking your children was only meant to be temporary until the rite was complete, we can give them back, both of them, and Ron, Ginny, all of them, Fred even." Flabbergasted, Hermione folded her arms tightly, thinking about the right mess she'd be in if what Percy was saying was true, that Ron could come back, that they could all be saved.

"Explain yourself, that doesn't make any sense. You don't have the ressurection stone, you are speaking nonsense." Severus was interested, this was the part that had made little sense all those months ago when it had seemed the LeStranges were up to no good, but seemingly without reason.

"Years ago, right after the war, I was approached by Kingsley Shacklebolt who told me that there was a way to ensure no dark lord ever came to power again, I was ambitious, still so unsure of myself and he was offering me something I couldn't refuse. We met with Andromeda Tonks because she knew this ancient ritual, it required a sacrifice but unlike with everyone else, the person sacrificed could be brought back, she claimed. In sacrificing this person, we would be ensuring that no vestige of Voldemort remained and through this vessel, we'd be able to know if dark magic was being pulled in a way that signaled the rise of evil." Percy paused, swallowing hard, knowing it all sounded a lie but he couldn't make up the story even if he tried.

"That doesn't make any sense." Hermione interrupted, still crying but trying desperately to keep her wits and not let him wheedle her down.

"We had an informant, I never knew who he was for a long time, he told us all these beautiful things about returning the dead, how easily it could be done and though we should all have been more skeptical, we were not. We did not question which people he or Andromeda, or anyone else involved wanted to bring back. I just kept thinking of Fred, of Remus and Tonks, all the people we'd lost and having a way to know evil was returning, an oracle of sorts...it seemed perfect. And it was, until things became clear that more than one sacrifice was needed. I met Sophie Michaels when she came to work with Shacklebolt, she immediately made it clear that she was part of the plan and that there were serious things we needed to discuss." Percy stopped completely, motioning for water from the guard and trying to keep the story straight, trying to remember it all exactly as it happened.

"Sophie and Andromeda took me to meet with the LeStranges who claimed they also knew of this, Kingsley didn't know the LeStranges were informants and I doubt he would've ever sanctioned the meeting. I was already in too deep, too completely convinced we could truly stop evil from ever hurting our people again." He paused, his hand shaking as he wiped his mouth. "I don't know what to call it aside from a prophecy, they said the vessel would have to be the blood of someone touched by evil and they immediately mentioned Harry, because he carried a horcrux and survived, and James had just been born, it was just blood, droplets they explained, I didn't know they meant to kill anyone." Hermione shuddered, she remembered when James was born, how tiny and beautiful he was, how much he looked like Harry.

"He's fourteen years old, you've been planning this his whole life? Why didn't you immediately leave, tell your parents? Someone?"

"They had me convinced, I don't know how they made me see that in the long run sacrificing a few for the greater good was worth it, I wasn't imperiod but the level of my belief in them was unstoppable. I didn't want to hurt anyone and they promised it would never truly hurt a soul. Then you had Rose, from the texts and spells we learned that girls could be used as power supply, if any member of the group was too weak or had lost magic due to dark spells or injury. That's when we learned you were also touched by evil, the slicing hex Dolohov used on you took some of your power away, I didn't know at the time what power but now I do." Percy looked deeply into her eyes, as though trying to convey just how sorry he was but Hermione could only imagine the next words from his mouth.

"Girls can be power sources but only boys can be vessels. We only needed two vessels, two pints of blood they said, and any other boys related to the power source would also be beneficial, but something Dolohov told LeStrange and the other made them unwilling to involve you. You see, when Reynaldo LeStrange heard me say you were expecting, he forced me to tell him it was a boy and then found you, and forced you to miscarry. I should've known it was him, that you didn't randomly miscarry but, I, well, I wanted to believe that Dolohov's curse on you ruined your chances of a healthy child after Rose. By then, I was conflicted, I was sure what we were doing was against all magical law, but again they convinced me, they said you would get your son back when the ritual was complete. They did it again, and miraculously Snape was sent to protect you, as though the Ministry knew of our plan,of course they did they claimed Shacklebolt had started it all, he'd directed us to the source materials, he'd put the group together, me, Tonks, Michaels, MacNair, the LeStranges, and Antonin Dolohov." Hermione's eyes snapped to his.

"Dolohov is dead." She shrieked, starting to become increasingly irritated with him and the easy way he was talking about killing people, people she loved.

"No, he is not. When you and Draco attempted to kill him, he was saved, though maimed and without magic by Andromeda Tonks, he took too much from her, made her a bit evil, to be honest. I eventually discovered he was only part of the organization to drain magic, it's what his family has done for centuries apparently. I learned from him that he took some of your power on purpose, your seer abilities, he took them so you would never be able to predict things like your family had for generations apparently. Did you know that the Mitfords died out because other pureblood families leached their magic?" Percy asked, struggling against the magical ropes against, obviously uncomfortable. But Hermione didn't care, she hoped he was in pain.

"No, I knew something wasn't right because the women in my family tend to die young or get dementia, but it isn't really dementia is it, it's other witches and wizards stealing their power." Hermione couldn't quite put all of what he was saying together, she couldn't weave the confusing timeline and how Percy knew so much about her family.

"Why do you know so much about the Mitfords?" She snapped, unable to move on until she knew.

"Dolohov bragged about stealing magic from your mother and grandmother and how his grandfather had started the process over a century ago. He was the one who discovered this rite of stealing power and bringing people back from the dead, he was the informant." Shocked showed on Hermione's face, it made her wonder how this was connected to the supposed prophecy about her that Percy had mentioned in his note.

"What about the prophecy?"

"Dolohov claimed there was a prophecy about you, that's how he knew who you were because when you happened to be near him, he could hear the call of the prophecy and knew that you were the granddaughter of a Mitford. He wouldn't have told me this most likely, ever, except I questioned why they took your second son. He explained that your son could stop any progress we made, and that if we brought him back afterwards he wouldn't be a problem. I was so convinced by then, they'd indoctrinated me so fully, I can't even describe what I was willing to do...well, I guess I can." Hermione was becoming impatient, it all seemed too easy and a ploy, that Percy was feeding her this information to convince her of falsities so when the truth came out at the trials, she wouldn't be moved.

"Percy, how is this connected to your family? You suddenly decided that all of the sacrifices would be yours?"

"It was too late when the accident happened, they'd already convinced me we could bring them all back, I mean we can bring them back, all of them but they won't let us-"

"Because you'd be killing your nephews, Harry and Ginny's sons...you've already killed two, what's two more to you?" Hermione stood, started pacing, imagining how devastated his parents would be had they known he was connected to it all. She couldn't stop her tears, she couldn't stop thinking of the two children she'd lost or that her own girls could've been drained, her boys used as magical vessels for some evil that Percy obviously did not understand.

"I didn't kill your sons."

"You have a signed confession that you did." She snapped back.

"I am taking the blame, I am taking responsibility for being part of something which tore my family apart."

Pausing for only a moment, Hermione asked "Why did you keep working with them if you didn't trust them?" She a

"I did trust them, I still do but I fear that when the time comes they won't bring my family back and instead will bring back theirs. I'm unconvinced of their motives; I wanted to bring back good people, but it seems they only want to punish, Harry for example or being back evil. "

"But you said you didn't want to break laws, laws are more important to you than your own family?" It took everything within her not to lash out at him, to force her mind into his and show him the scene, the wreck that took their family. But, then she had a thought, perhaps Percy was there, perhaps he had seen more than Albus, so she entered his mind and searched until she found it. The van moved swiftly, the lorry overturned, and there was Percy in a fiat two cars away, watching as the van flipped over and over, using his power to get Albus out of the van and stopping only when he saw Harry, Ron, and Ginny exiting the van. She could feel his impulse to stop them, the surge in his magic to make sure they all died and saw the LeStranges near the scene, taking their magic through incantations, then Sophie Michaels, casting spells on the van and on Albus, she was the one who obliviated him, and worst of all, Percy getting out of the fiat and walking over to his parents, making sure they were dead. It made no sense to Hermione, even if Percy was convinced he could bring Fred back why would he kill his parents and youngest brother and sister? Finally, she saw Lucius across the street trying to help, but Percy stunned him, then turned on Ginny casting a spell Hermione had never heard before and then leaving the scene. He took one last look at the wreckage, at Carson MacNair casting spells on Harry and Ron before sending an alert to St. Mungos. When Hermione left Percy's mind, she could see the terror on his face.

"Who are you?" She asked quietly, moving towards him, the vague, murky memories of his abuse on her floating to the surface again. "There is no way you are Percy Weasley, what I've just seen could not be done by a sane person. So I ask again, who are you?" Hermione pointed at him, a wand not needed and compelled him to speak.

"I am Percy Ignatius Weasley, my birthday is August 22. I have a wife named Audrey and two children, Lucy and Molly."

"That is all information that could be easily found and memorized. Tell me something only I would know." She watched him searching for an answer, anything to convince her he was Percy Weasley.

"You have a scar, several really, across your chest, it's like a starburst and I only know this from studying with you in the library. I taught you to write with two quills at once." Her face fell, her heart sank, how could this really be Percy. She wondered where Severus was, if he could sense just how heartbroken she was and if he would reveal himself if she broke down.

"Why did you make me think you were going to rape me? Why did you help orchestrate the illusion that Severus was having an affair with Sophie Michaels?" Percy bowed his head and let the magical ropes sting him again.

"Anything to get control of the children, I had to, I had to bring my family back and you were getting in the way. I knew you'd be irrational, as you are now, and if I could break you down, get those children and complete the rite, everything would be okay, they'd be back, we could all move on I could save what was left of us."

"You know that will never happen, though. You killed your family, you wanted to avenge Fred but you killed your parents, your brother and sister, your brother-in-law who sacrificed himself for you, your nephews, and others, right, I bet there were others as you tried to figure out this rite, this mythical plan of Andromeda Tonks, who is obviously deranged, the LeStranges and Antonin Dolohov. You've sold your family out in hope that these terrible people would bring them back, that makes no sense whatsoever." Hermione could feel her heart racing, then the gentle pressure of Severus' hand on her shoulder.

"You took two of my children and how was this rite supposed to bring them back? Was I carry them again? Were they to come back exactly how they were? And what about your parents? Both of their necks were broken so when they came back, were they to be completely healed? How could you be so daft? The implications of it all, the sheer impossibility of what they promised you to get control and use you; are you really that obsessed with yourself and your station that you needed their attention?" She was losing it, she could feel herself getting angrier and angrier at the complete inanity of his actions. Draco opened the door but Hermione was not surprised when Shacklebolt walked in with the Minister for Magic.

"Where is Dolohov now?" Hermione asked, wanting one final thing before whatever was about to happen, happened.

"He's in your old flat." She shivered, off course, why wouldn't he be in the townhome where she and Ron had a life.

"Answer my other questions." She begged, leaning towards him feeling Severus holding her back slightly and the two men coming closer to Percy.

"I don't know, I…" But he was silent, quieted by a spell.

"He's said enough." Shacklebolt undid the magical ropes and took Percy to the corner, sitting across from Hermione. She didn't know what to expect but feared for her safety. She no longer trusted Kingsley at all, even if he hadn't known the LeStranges were involved from the beginning, but he's certainly taken care of them quickly.

"We have everyone in custody except Dolohov, but he is being taken right now, there is no way to express our grief for you or your family or to undo what has been done. We will be giving a more thorough review of this supposed group, the rite, their connections, and of course you will be at the trials." Eugene Crawford tried to hold her hand, tried to reach for her, but Hermione didn't trust neither he nor Kingsley.

"Hermione, I had no idea how far this would go, I was investigating them-"

"As Minister for Magic, you were trying to figure out what Percy and the LeStranges were doing? What Andromeda Tonks was up to? You have aurors, you have unspeakables, why did you need to be personally involved?" She snapped, looking to Kingsley as though he had betrayed everything she thought he stood for.

"I wanted to save her, Andromeda did so much for the order but we knew something wasn't right after the war, I just had no idea how far it went." Severus finally disillusioned himself, standing proudly next to Hermione.

"Why would I trust anything you have to say?" Hermione countered, wondering how long this insipid plan had been in place to take her family away.

"There is nothing I can say or do that will right this wrong, but I promise we did not aid them, we did not make it easier for them to harm your family, we tailed them for years and it seemed like they'd stopped, like they'd disappeared until you and Ginny Potter were pregnant, suddenly we saw the activity pick up again as though they'd found a missing link." Kingsley added, looking solemly between Severus and Hermione.

"And when did you find out about this?" Hermione asked of Crawford.

"When I became the Minister for Magic. I was bound by an oath not to reveal what we had found thus far and I deeply regret that I couldn't find a way around the oath."

"I will be tried as well, Hermione, do not feel as though the law will spare me." Kingsley finally said, but somehow this admission did not make things better. She wanted her family back, her boys that were gone forever, her people who had fought so hard for a world without Voldemort and evil wizards only to be taken out by their own family member and people who'd abused him.

"I don't trust the Ministry, in any capacity." She replied coldly, looking to Percy in the corner, wondering if he had been prompted by Kingsley to tell her those things.

"We understand. We've asked the World Wizarding Court to come and try all people connected to this, including me."

"And I am stepping down. Elections for the new Minister will come shortly." Though what they said sounded ethical, sounded like concessions, Hermione felt sick inside.

"I will have to resign as well, I cannot represent this government." Hermione said plainly, looking up to Severus.

"Please, reconsider, we need you and your husband, you are both excellent barristers and diplomats." Her lips pursed, Hermione tried to calm herself, to go into her library just to stop her head from spinning.

"Perhaps after the trials are over and an official investigation into the members and offices of this Ministry and administration are completed, I will reconsider, but as of right now, I am not an employee of this institution and require my full severance." Hermione brought her bag to her side and pulled the papers out. She hadn't planned to resign but now, she could see no other course of action.

"Hermione, please." Shacklebolt tried to stop her quill, and oddly enough Severus nodded and agreed.

"We will get more information from inside than out." Severus added, and she stopped. Put the parchment back in her bag and stood, finding Thisbe in the hallway with Draco and trying to keep herself together.

"We can meet tomorrow." She said as she passed Thisbe, wondering how she could possibly talk more about what Percy had told her, what she'd learned about the evil people. Before they left the safe house, she turned and faced Severus, even questioning what he'd known and for how long. When he'd been sent away by Shacklebolt before, had he known more about the LeStranges, more about Carson MacNair and Dolohov than he'd let on, had he known that Dolohov was still alive when she'd confessed she'd believed she'd killed him?

She tried not to second-guess her husband, but she found herself lost in thought, terrified that he'd lied to her or kept some of the truth from her. Was this the reason he was so protective of the girls, of Albus and James? Of her? She suddenly felt ill, as though she might wretch and faint at the same time, so she took a deep breath and apparated away, to her parents house, away from all of them. She sent a note to Lucius that she wasn't coming back right away, that she needed space to think but that he could bring the girls to York if he or Severus didn't feel up to watching them. He replied promptly, must've packed some of their things and came to York quickly, alone.

"Draco and Severus are with Hyperion and the girls.." Hermione kissed his cheek and watched as he sized her up, curious as to why she was in York and not in London.

As though reading his mind, she said "I just need to think, to process and sometimes that house, those walls make it impossible."

"And Severus?" Her eyes snapped to his. "Are you concerned about his involvement?"

"Yes, about what he didn't tell me and what he knew, and it makes me feel…" But she couldn't explain what she felt, it all felt a jumbled mess the more she thought on it.

"Like you did during the time before the Moulin Rouge?" He stepped forward with his piercing blue eyes he bore into her, taking her shoulders in his hands. "Take time to sort yourself, but as I've told you before my dove, Severus is not that man. He knew nothing, Shacklebolt sent him to find the LeStranges and wouldn't let him take them out, he admitted that to Severus in writing. I know you are conflicted and in so much pain, I see it all over you, but Severus is a good man and he adores you." Once again, Lucius steered her straight, reminded her that doubting Severus rarely ever meant that he was actually doing anything unsavory. Still, her heart felt empty, her mind burdened and bursting with information she couldn't process.

"I just need an hour or two, I worry for Winnie, I'm not stable." She fell into his arms and cried, harder than she cried before, shaking against him and telling herself that it would all be over eventually, that she would have answers they never got when the LeStranges were put on trial, though involved they were clearly scapegoats willing to take the fall, most likely promised resurrection.

"Send a note to Severus and I'll stay but make myself scarce. You don't need to be alone and he needs to know what's going on." She obeyed, taking a note from her mother's desk and sending it through the floo.

"I need the books you bought when I get home, I need to understand more about magical draining and why Dolohov focused on my family, on me." He nodded and brought his hand to his mouth, she looked so lost, so vulnerable.

Without pause, she walked to the second floor and looked out over the garden, she remembered being a small girl and her family having barbecues and picnics in the adjoining field. She remembered her father teaching her to ride her bike in the summers when they were finally able to take time off. It all hurt, she wanted that innocence back, the time before she knew how awful the world could be, before she understood anything her parents or grandparents had told her. Lying on her old bed, she stared at the ceiling, thought of falling for Severus after the war and how much hope it had restored in her, How their lives seemed so destined to cross yet it took so much for them to be together. And his words, Percy's words about a prophecy destroyed, that Dolohov had taken some of her power through the hex, it all seemed far fetched and somehow made sense.

Hours later she came down the stairs and found Lucius reading her father's book on bogs, sipping tea and eating her mother's favorite biscuits.

"Ready?" He asked, tidying up and watching Hermione with the eye of a father.

"Yes, I am." She took floo powder and left for Grimmauld Place, finding no one in the den but hearing the piano playing, she went to the library. Severus and Draco sat, each with a beautiful redhead on their lap as Hyperion played Moonlight Sonata. She instantly felt lighter and hoped she'd reigned in her emotions enough that Winnie would not be affected, though her darling girl looked over to her immediately as she walked through.

"Mummy!" Winnie shrieked, teaching for her and instantly snuggling her, kissing her cheeks over and over until she paused and looked at Hermione as Lucius had. "Mummy, okay?"

"Yes, my love." But Hermione wasn't okay, she was devastated and distraught, terrified that somehow these people would still find a way to hurt her children and family further. Lily clamoured to join them, squeezing Hermione just as tightly as Winnie had.

"Wub you." Lily blew a raspberry on Hermione's arm, both gi last interrupting Hyperion enough that he paused.

"Don't let them distract you, you were playing beautifully." Hermione interjected as Hyperion turned to them, his downturned face reminding her of Draco in a tiff.

"We have pork chops and potatoes for dinner if anyone's hungry." Hermione turned and saw Charlie and Billy at the door, smiling and warm. Each came and took one of the girls, letting Hermione move closer to Severus as Hyperion continued to play.

"I'm sorry." He whispered in her ear, leaning behind her just slightly; it almost brought tears, she almost fell apart again but instead she put an arm at his waist, kissed him thoroughly while no one was looking and hoped that together they could navigate the trials, survive the ensuing pain and confusion that would no doubt accompany what they had left to face, and somehow end up as she'd always wanted them to, married and living, bringing up the children and carving out their own happiness, even if it seemed so long in coming.

That night, they talked for hours and once she was sure she'd asked very question she could about the LeStranges, Dolohov and MacNair. She raised questions about Sophie Michaels and her connection to them as well as Isadora Lestrange, how she'd let her husband die. When it seemed like she was finally done with inquiry, silent and solemn, Hermione kissed him deeply, fearing that she'd made a mistake in going to York.

"Are you angry with me?" She asked, curled against him, warming her feet on his legs.

"No, you needed space and you took it. You made sure your children were cared for. Why would I be angry?" His words moved her hair a bit as she tried to snuggle even closer to him.

"It was selfish, I didn't even tell you." Her grief poured out into the room, surrounding them, enveloping him.

"You were distraught. I am their father now and if their mother needs space, then I will take care of them." Her heart burst for a different reason.

"I appreciate that and I adore you for it, but I was more concerned about you, that you-"

"I could sense exactly how you felt and knew you needed a break. What Percy said could slay the strongest of people and you were magnificent, I almost stepped in a few times, worried about your magic." Turning in his arms a bit, Hermione gently pressed her lips to his.

"I don't know if I'll ever forgive him."

"You don't have to." He replied immediately and sharply, defensive and exacting as he was whenever he felt something or someone he loved was threatened. Taking his arm over hers, she kissed it softly and watched as he painted the ceiling with the stars, sparkling down upon them, making the room glow just a bit.

"You've no idea how much I love you." The warmth of his words melted into her, causing a shudder and surprise from his honesty and verbosity. He rarely expressed himself so boldly, even if he had told her many times that he loved her, sometimes it just didn't sink in.

"I love you more." Was her reply, as her eyes grew heavy from the calming draught he'd given her hours before finally triumphing over her natural will. He smoothed her hair, pulled the covers up and closed his own eyes, hoping the next day would be far less painful and that he'd see his wife smile, even if only for a moment to bury the complete sadness, utter loss he'd seen in her that afternoon.

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

 **(Hermione's 2nd Year)**

 _Everything was still, she was breathing but just, her eyes were open, she couldn't close them, her arm remained outstretched holding the paper she torn and written basilisk on, hoping to get to Harry and Ron before another person was stunned or worse killed. She couldn't turn her head, move a single muscle, yet she could smell the infirmary, she could see her bustling about and if she strained, she could see Colin, Mrs. Norris piled in the corner, and she could smell something else, bergamot and sandalwood, maybe mint and eucalyptus? She wished more than anything she could close her eyes, localize the smell, move, get out of the bed. But, it was all for naught, she was stuck with no true marker of how time went by, how long she'd been in the infirmary for the second time this school year, once as a cat and now the victim of stunning. If she could've rolled her eyes, she would've; she felt idiotic and immature, she knew better yet she hadn't listened to the warnings and charged head first into everything without first considering the consequences._

 _Hours or days later, she couldn't really tell, she felt her spirit breaking, her resolve to find ways to occupy her mind had turned dangerous, she spent hours or more searching through her mind, remembering everything she'd learned over the last two years, how she had discovered so much about herself and who she really was, this magical person who had so much to learn and yet, who had finally made friends and found a group where she fit in. Yet, as her heart felt so full of dread, that might be stuck like this forever, that she might never get to thank Harry and Ron for being her friend, Ron's parents for always including her, Professor McGonagall for barely questioning her when she asked for more work, in fact she was determined more than ever to do more, be more, accomplish more if she ever got out of the infirmary. It hit her squarely in the chest that she might never escape the hell of being stunned, frozen in time, her mind and heart pleaded with each other, her optimism waning as her debilitating sadness took over, she could feel herself breaking down, her mind becoming a chasm of delirium and suddenly she was gone. There was nothing._

" _How did you finish this potion so quickly?" Madame Pomfrey asked of Professor Snape, for a brief moment of lucidity Hermione noticed them, heard and recognized their voices._

" _I'm a potions master, it's what I do." He snapped, but Hermione could see something in his eyes, something deeper than annoyance with Madame Pomfrey, but she couldn't quite tell what it was because she couldn't turn to look at him._

" _Don't be smart with me, I'm only worried about these poor children."_

" _Do you not think I am? Is that what you are implying, Madame?" She could hear his snarl though she couldn't see it._

" _Not at all, stop making me out to be against you, I only asked because you worked in almost a trance and when I came to visit you to help, you never stopped, you worked for hours without a break." Both were now in her view, the dismay on Professor Snape's face was something she had never seen before, and the pain on Madame pomfrey's frightened her._

" _I was compelled, I had no choice." She didn't quite understand, who compelled him, why had he no choice when he seemed a man so exacting, like no one would tell him what to do aside from Professor Dumbledore._

" _What do you mean?" She asked him, pouring the potion down Hermione's throat, her muscles immediately relaxing, the pain of being frozen for so long hitting her so quickly and fiercely that she cried, the first natural tears leaving her eyes in over a month and her started to come back to her._

" _I don't know; it works, though, that's all that matters." He snatched the vial from Madame Pomfrey's hands and moved on to Colin Creevey, Justin Finch-Fletchley, and Penelope Clearwater before Mrs. Norris. But, she couldn't think about anything else much before the pain made her a bit delirious again, her pain making her want to scream but she couldn't open her mouth, she couldn't form words but internally she kept screaming. Finally, Madame Pomfrey and Professor Snape made their way back to her, giving her another dose and a calming draught, casting more spells to relieve her pain._

" _It appears Ms. Granger is in more pain than the others, make sure she gets this." He held an odd-coloured potion in his hands, one she had never seen before and she couldn't help but want to thank him._

" _Sir." She squeaked, trying to lift her arm to reach for him but her muscles were weak, tired and instead she pushed him a bit, overcompensating for the pain in trying her best to thank him. His eyebrows rose, he sneered, and moved further away from her. "I'm sorry, I just wanted-"_

" _Sleep, Ms. Granger, before we're required to petrify you again." At first she was wounded by his words, tears were still very much rolling down her face but they felt like relief, instead of embarrassment. She tried to turn from him but found she couldn't, her body was too weak. Instead, she closed her eyes, perhaps he just wanted her to get well, she imagined Neville had destroyed many cauldrons while she'd been away. The calming draught set in quickly and she slept, pure, dreamless sleep._

 _At midnight, she woke and saw from the window a bevy of stars, they were bright and glorious, she'd never quite seen them from this vantage point. The window above her was more frosted, but as she tried to sit up to look beyond the window at the end of the infirmary, she felt her muscles give. Frustrated, she closed her eyes, she felt delusional again, there was no way they stars were that magnificent. Sighing, she opened her eyes again and saw Professor Snape sleeping in a chair, upright against the wall on the opposite side of the room, he was definitely out but she only stole glances at him in fear that he would wake and chastise her again. In rest he looked peaceful, almost like he could be approached, his face softened immensely, his hair was back in a knot, it looked like leather and she wondered why he didn't do that more often. Turning back towards the window, she let the glory of the stars take her mind off being in the bed, being sore and restless, and when she turned back to him, he was staring at the stars as well. She tried to close her eyes, to pretend to be sleeping because she didn't want to be yelled at, but he never said a word, he simply folded his arms and watched her for a moment before looking back at the stars. It was an odd exchange, and Hermione quickly forgot about it when she was finally released to the dormitory, and only thought about it again in third year, when he defended them against Professor Lupin, after Lupin had transformed, and again in fifth year when he'd helped heal her from the slicing hex. Somehow, he seemed to always be there when she needed him, at sixteen the only reason she could fathom that he was available and ready to help heal or make potions was because he was a teacher, he was bound by his contract to do his job and she was his pupil. She had no idea that when she was delirious, when all rational thought had left her mind, her desperate calls had spoken to him, had found a window in his soul and sought relief. Her soul calling out to his forever linked them together, even if he didn't understand for years why he seemed compelled to save her._


	20. Chapter 20

**AN: Updating twice in a month, what?! I hope everyone has pleasant holidays! More information revealed, misunderstandings, and the beginnings of the trials. Warnings for discussions of torture and abuse. There are only a few chapters left, so things will be getting tidied up. Thank you again for all who've read, reviewed, and offered constructive criticism, I know I have many mistakes to go back and correct! Thanks for reading!**

"You will please state your name for the court." The tall, Russian man looked over his glasses at Sophie Michaels, her hazel eyes and blonde hair reminding Hermione of all those months ago when the accident had first happened. How had this women even come to know that Severus had a relationship with Virginia Davies? She thought immediately that Kingsley must've been involved in the deception and her patience for that man was thin, growing thinner by the moment. It made her wonder how long Kingsley had been using Severus, knowing that he had been under the heavy thumb of two masters for so long; how easily people sought to manipulate Severus when he showed even an ounce of trust. In her heart of hearts, she hoped Kingsley wasn't as corrupt as she suddenly felt he must be, that his efforts had to be part of helping those who had been in the order or to protect. She simply didn't want to believe he had been compromised.

Her mind reeled, her arms became prickled with goose flesh and her heart thumped repeatedly against her chest, making her wish she was home with her daughters, her older children who she missed so often it made her wonder how she'd come to love them all so much, to open her heart to her niece and nephews as though she'd birthed them herself. Nothing could heal the newly opened wound of witnessing Ron, Harry, Ginny, Molly, and Arthur die in such a tragic and disastrous way; why hadn't they devised a simpler, less tragic way to take these people while being able to enact their plan. Why had it needed to be so violent? But, as her mind continued to turn, she realized that Percy might not have naturally wanted to hurt his family in such a way, but the LeStranges and MacNair probably saw it as the perfect opportunity to punish some pureblood traitors and the boy who'd vanquished the Dark Lord, no longer a boy, but a man whose life they could destroy. Finally, so lost in thought, she felt Severus put his hand on hers as Sophie spoke.

"Louisa Sophie Michaels-Dorn." Came her quiet reply; she didn't seem as bold and self-assured as she had before, interviewing Albus or transforming on the flat floor in Scotland. Hermione couldn't help but scrutinize her, waiting for her to crack under the weight of the foreign court. She hated how much her heart felt full of revenge, how much she wanted to hurt the people who'd hurt her family, her husband, taken her children away. Each time she felt herself getting too angry, too kinetic, she took a deep breath, she went into her mind and took books from her shelf, thought of happier times and hoped that there would be more happy times, more children, more time to love Severus.

"The court brings charges against you in collusion with illegal obliviation, treason, attempted murder, murder, illegal use of dark magic, to name just a few of the charges. You are being presented right now with the formal charges, if you cannot read we will have this read for you." Hermione watched as Sophie read through the official charges, she had her own copy in her hand and knew that the court would not let her off easy, especially since she had been involved in something so heinous that the world court, since World War II had punished anyone attempting to hurt people in such a way that despicably used dark magic.

"Do you understand the charges brought against you?" The Russian magistrate asked, holding a gavel in his hand as though it was his wand, pointing it to her as though he might curse her as she sat in the middle of the room, remarkably similar to the courtrooms in the Wizengamot at the Ministry.

"Yes, I understand." Hermione barely heard her voice register, she did notice that Sophie was looking directly at them, she and Severus, her eyes sweeping over them yet Hermione did not see remorse, just regret, most likely regret that she'd been caught. It all seemed like a show, that the sociopath before her was definitely trying to mimic the emotion of guilt.

"You understand that signing this parchment and entering a guilty plea means you will be at the mercy of the court and for the crimes, the international stipulations require loss of magic, permanent imprisonment, or death." Hermione and Sophie's met as the latter nodded, entering another verbal agreement wherein she took complete ownership of her crimes.

"Do you understand that once you leave this courtroom, you will surrender your wand and await deliberation?" Another nod. Hermione felt keenly frustrated, why weren't they questioning her motives? Why weren't they at least trying to discern why she colluded with the others, why she was willing to risk her life?

"I'm afraid Percy will be the only one who explains." Hermione whispered to Severus, trying not to cry in frustration.

"It appears that way, but this is only the first of these trials, and they've yet to render their verdict, though because she's plead guilty, it is evident the least of her punishment will be permanent obliviation and the breaking of her wand." She couldn't stop herself from rolling her eyes.

"I understand the law and consequences." She snapped, unable to sit and take one more breath in the same room as her while she got no answers. Grabbing her bag swiftly, she exited the courtroom through the back and went to the loo, splashing her face and immediately regretted snapping at her husband, taking out her anger and resentment on him when he'd been just as used by the people.

"Stop sulking." She admonished herself, staring into the mirror and wishing it was all over, especially if she wasn't to get more answers.

"I'm sorry." Hermione's voice carried down the hall, believing Severus would've followed her but he hadn't, instead she was alone, the hall outside of the courtrooms completely empty aside from interoffice memos and the hum of magic. Quietly, she went back into the courtroom and was shocked to find it empty, how long had she been in the washroom?

Sitting on one of the benches, Hermione took a loose curl and twirled it for a moment, thinking about Ron, how he'd come to many of her hearings and watched as she defended the rights of those oppressed. He always sat in the back, to the left, and smiled when she turned to retrieve notes or sip her water; he had that goofy grin, the one he wore the majority of their adolescence, taking the push and pull of life less seriously than she did. She pictured his bright eyes, the way he had looked at her when Rose was born, when he'd kissed her in the Chamber of Secrets, how he'd held her as both of their sons left them. All of the pain she'd felt after his death came back in heaving sighs, in gulping air, shaking so hard she hit her elbow on the armrest and lost her breath. There was nothing left, there were no answers she would accept and though she tried to summon her courage, her strength, it was all gone, beyond the veil like Ron.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

( _Hermione 5th Year)_

 _Hermione could feel the pain bolt across her body, etching into her so severely she couldn't breathe, each movement made her ache, each tiny breath hurt more than she could ever have imagined._

 _"Why is it always this lot? You'd think they'd accept reason at some point, stop getting themselves into trouble." In her delirium, she tried to speak but the words failed her, the pain too every syllable before it could be formed._

 _"That's an awfully bleak view, even for you, Severus." Madame Pomfrey walked across the room and helped someone Hermione couldn't see._

 _"I have healed this one how many times now and she, they still question my role, my place in this ever-brewing war. He's going to get her killed." Professor Snape came to stand next to her as the pain worsened, making her wish she was dead, her entire being called out in pain._

 _"It's your job to brew the potions, as you tell me. If she dies, it will be just as much your fault as the poor teenage boy you so malign. If you don't save her, especially since that horrid man used your hex, I will never forgive you." She felt the words across her skin, everything Madame Pomfrey said made her cringe, made the water on her cheeks fall rapidly._

 _"This is not time for-"_

 _"Don't say games, you were their age and you went through the same things. So terrible you were, inventing spells and hexes, using your talent for dark magic when you could've been-" It was his turn to interrupt her, smashing something against the wall next to Hermione. He'd gripped his arm, he'd lunges forward with a confused look on his face._

 _"It's no game; I'm weary of…" But he didn't finish his sentence, she heard him clean his mess and step away, until she get him open her mouth, the pain had made her bite through her lip again and blood was now pooling at the nape of her neck._

 _"She's bitten through her lip again."_

 _"I told you, you see, her pain hasn't ebbed. She will not last much longer. Do something or she will go to and they will give her mercy." Hermione's eyes snapped open, they rolled a few times before she saw them clearly; Professor Snape had his hair pulled back, his eyes reflected the pain she felt, they moved over her quickly, until she whimpered, trying to say the words, to lift her arm to tell him how to help her. Instead, she saw beyond him for a moment, the silhouette of a boy with striking onyx eyes and curly, dark hair, pouring some wine for all of them, his fingers long and sinewy, like he'd played piano for years. She couldn't look away from him, the endearment that rose within her forced a cry from her lips, one that made her believe instantly that she would live, that there was a future for her beyond school, beyond defeating Voldemort, and from simply seeing him she felt the pain beginning to ebb, the effects of the slicing hex fading as the rest of the potion was absorbed into her system. Blinking once more, she could hear someone calling to her, further away and when she turned her head, she saw a girl, older than the boy but obviously not by much, they looked almost as twins as she scrutinized the girl, the only difference was their height and hands. The girl was much taller, slim and gaunt, but beautiful with wild hair, just like her own. She couldn't stop looking between them until another spasm of pain hit her, forcing her eyes closed and the unbearable suffering to take her again._

 _"She appeared to respond for a moment." Madame Pomfrey remarked as she brought over a warm, heavy blanket to keep her still._

 _"Yes, yet…" He couldn't explain it, what he saw when he'd looked into his student's mind, he could he aberrations, he could see a young man and woman, he could feel the happiness they'd given the young girl on the bed, the student who plagued him, who irritated him with her constant, persistent desire to prove how intelligent she was, how much she fit in a world she would never truly be part of. And again, her eyes opened wide and he saw them, this boy and girl, then two more girls, no three, two boys who reminded him immediately of Potter and then he knew, she was simply in delirium, she was losing her sanity and seeing those who she wished were with her. For a brief moment, he wondered what it would be like to have someone like that again, someone like Lily to care for him, but the thought was fleeting and did not remain, instead he pulled himself from her mind and poured a second dose of the potion, the concoction he'd made for her only hours before when they'd returned from the Ministry, her initial wounds already healed._

 _"Help me!" She screamed, her foot shaking first, then her entire body, her wounds opening once more, blood flowing from her wounds anew and soaking the bed as he tried to calm her. Nothing worked, nothing stopped the blood, nothing eased her cries._

 _"I can't save her." He yelled, casting more spells on the room,on her and the bed, he entered her mind once more and saw him, Antonin Dolohov behind her and then suddenly in front of her, his wand pointed, the 'sectumsempra' called and the girl shrieking, the blood pouring out as it did before, another spell, something he'd never heard and then nothing, her mind had gone completely blank. He felt arms on him, he felt her shaking._

 _"Severus! What is your problem? Stop yelling, she's finally asleep." He looked up from the floor, he'd fallen asleep here? He couldn't remember sitting down, let alone the girl before him looking calm, peaceful and sedate or sleeping in the infirmary._

 _"She was screaming."_

 _"Yesterday, perhaps, but you brewed something new last night, don't you recall, you gave it to her before midnight and she finally stilled. Where has your mind been? Don't tell me you've lost yourself, now." Hermione groggily looked between them, their words had woken her and she was surprised to find her potions professor and mediwitch looking so cross, so squared against each other. It took only a moment to register that she was in the infirmary, that she had been hurt, but looking at them made her worry. What had happened to Harry? Ron? She remembered Sirius dying, Harry's impossible scream and then succumbing to the wounds, the blood and suddenly the memory of the pain hit her._

 _"I haven't lost my faculties, for your information." Madame Pomfrey tutted around, looking over Hermione for recent bleeds and found her quite clean aside from the tears that had flowed freely in her sleep._

 _When Hermione awoke again it was dark, she felt the pain returning and saw him, the boy again and tried to follow him. He led her to the window where she saw the stars, as she had before in her second year; they were brighter than she remembered, they twinkled before her as she tried to cling to the wall, tried to see the boy more clearly._

 _"What is your name?" She whispered, taking a step closer, the breeze of the cold night hitting her before she could hear his answer, he moved across the infirmary as though he'd worked with Madame Pomfrey for ages. The girl turned to them, motioning the boy closer as they worked on something Hermione couldn't quite make out, but their smiles, their laughter filled her mind as she heard a shuffle from her right and remembered where she was, why she was in the infirmary, and that Professor Snape was still in the room._

 _"You should be in bed, Ms. Granger." His voice cut through her vision, made her wish she was sleeping, that it was a dream and that the wounds on her body weren't there. When she finally turned her head to see him fully, she found a destitute man, one she had always respected but couldn't understand. Moments passed before she looked away, leaning hard against the cold stone of the castle walls. The wetness of tears didn't register with her until one dripped softly on her hand, the one resting on the wall and her cheek, she tried to wipe them away before he could say anything nasty about her appearance, as he had the previous year when she'd been sent to the infirmary to have her teeth fixed. For a moment she had dejavu, that he'd said the same words to her before yet she couldn't remember being with her caustic potions professor in any other setting but the classroom or the edge of the Forbidden Forest._

 _"Are the rules of the infirmary also meant to be broken, or has Potter convinced you that-"_

 _"I wanted to escape for a moment." Her words were soft, but curt, she started moving back towards her bed. If he was a better man, he would've helped her back or moved her bed so that the stars were more accessible. Instead, he watched her struggle, he sneered._

 _"You did your escaping." He finally retorted, unable to move from the spot as she finally crawled back into bed. Anger filled them both; his due to the immaturity and foolishness of Harry Potter and his idiotic, Gryffindor friends. Her anger dissipated once she closed her eyes, wiping them again and feeling her wounds making new skin, healing slowly as she tried to stop her mind from replaying what had happened in the Department of Mysteries. She would never forgive Antonin Dolohov, she would never forgive herself for being so stupid, foolhardy and sophomoric. She cringed as a memory surfaced, someone saying her name in an eerie voice, it sounded like her mother or Nonny, but saying her name, her full name; Hermione Jean Granger._

 _"Drink this." Opening her mouth, she felt the liquid pouring down her throat, the pain was returning in droves, the ache that made her eyes sting, her heart burst, her mind become muddied with memory._

 _"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Hermione repeated over and over, seeing the boy again over Professor Snape's shoulder as he slowly became completely translucent, every part of him disappearing until finally he was completely gone. Turning in the bed, she looked to the stars one more time and continued to cry, wondering what about the boy made her so melancholy, so regretful._

 _"I'm sorry." She said again, feeling the weight of the world on her chest and opening her eyes again only to see her professor transfixed by her madness. For a moment, Hermione looked directly at him, in his dark eyes, seeing for a moment the same pain she felt, watching as again he clutched his arm. Wanting nothing more than to ease his pain, she concentrated on his arm, the gash he had received, his dark mark- she'd never seen one this close before and for some reason seeing his didn't frighten her nearly as much as seeing Dolohov's or Lucius Malfoy's._

 _"I'm sorry." Her cries turned into magic, filling the space for a moment and washing over them, something was missing, a part of her felt removed and lost forever as she tried to access whatever it was making her see figments of her imagination, or at least that's what she thought. "I'm so sorry." Over and over, her words had such an effect on him, both of them. "Please, forgive me." She called out, the boy and girl gone, the others gone, everyone was gone. And just as they'd all appeared, they were gone, she was alone and the pain built and built until she was gone as well, not knowing that she'd had her last vision, her last view of the future that might be stolen from her, just as Antonin Dolohov had taken her mother's magic years before Hermione was even thought of._

 _"Ms. Granger, you may return to your dormitory." Her eyes flashed open and she was healed, fine; it all felt surreal, a dream. Had any of it really happened?_

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

"Let's get some lunch while they're on recess." Hermione heard over her shoulder, trial number three underway and Hermione could barely remember what had happened. Although Isadora LeStrange had been the first tried, Hermione hadn't attended that trial because she knew the woman's role, Thisbe Jenkins had relayed everything she needed and as a family representative, Bill had attended. Sophie Michaels' trial seemed a blur, she could remember being there but not fully, as though her mind was stuck between two planes of existence, one in the past and one in the present. All she could remember was being ill, going to an empty courtroom and then Severus' voice as Carson MacNair was escorted from the room for the recess. Gurgling and spinning, her stomach made her feel ill, so when he turned to her again, Hermione knew she had to go back to their room.

"I need to lie down, I don't feel well." She couldn't look at him, her mind was turning too quickly and she felt ill, thinking of Carson MacNair and the evil look on his face as he'd interviewed Albus all those months before.

"Let's order in, then. Come." Severus took her arm and led her from the courtroom where they went to the floo, went to their rooms in the swanky hotel the Ministry was paying for and then rested.

"What happened with Sophie?" Hermione finally asked, curled into his side, his warm breath making her skin tingle.

"You went into the wrong courtroom, don't you remember? Charlie found you when she was sentenced in a trance, like you were remembering something, like…"

"A seer? Sometimes I wonder if Dolohov really did take all of my power, I get these memories, flashbacks of my life, but I can't always remember exactly what's happened or why I'm suddenly remembering. Since Healer Gibbons and Percy's confession about the Mitfords, I can't stop thinking about it all, how my life would've been so different, how I might've actually stayed with divination." She laughed a bit, trying to lighten the mood.

"Sybil would've irritated you either way, my dear, especially if you'd maintained those powers for much longer."

"I wonder why I didn't tap into them when I was in her class. I don't recall ever feeling like I belonged in that class, at all." Kissing her softly, Severus wrapped an arm lazily around her waist and pulled her closer.

"Sophie Michaels was sentenced to life without magic and permanent obliviation; she will spend her remaining days working for the prison in processing." Hermione wished immediately she'd gotten those answers, but it was already too late.

"I feel this is going to be all too easy for them, for all of them. And just like before, we are getting no answers." Her lips pouted for a moment before she heard a knock on the door, hoping the room service was better than the cafeteria food from the International Law Offices. She closed her eyes and felt Severus leave the bed, only opening them again when she heard him move rapidly.

"You have a guest." He quipped, standing aside as James came through.

"Jamie?" Hermione remembered it was his birthday that weekend, she'd sent his presents ahead and cakes and other sweets.

"Uncle Charlie grabbed me last night so we could spend this weekend together. I know I can't attend the trials, but I want to be here, with you." Hermione stood quickly and rushed to him, she should've known Charlie would smuggle one of the kids away and he was the oldest, James was the most likely candidate.

"Come, wait with us for food and we'll talk." Severus watched them retreat to the sofa and smelled the food as it arrived. When he looked back to them, he felt for a moment he was seeing Hermione and Harry as teenagers, when he felt both compelled and forced to protect the young man; yet, James wasn't entirely like Harry, he had endeared himself to Severus in such a way he imagined, even if briefly, what his relationship with Harry might have been had the animosity not been there, not been leftover from James Potter.

"Rook, Professor Longbottom said he found this in the library and thought you might want it back." James took a book from his bag and handed it to Severus, who had brought them dishes of spaghetti and bread.

"My ancient runes text; how many of books are still floating around that school?"

"Apparently, you weren't so great about keeping up with your texts, Severus." Hermione and James giggled, looking to him as one eyebrow arched.

"Or they were pilfered from me." He smirked, thinking of James and Sirius, of Remus and Peter, glad that he had let those old wounds heal so completely he was raising Harry Potter's sons, daughter, his former enemies grandchildren, as it were. He could feel the pull of guilt until he looked at his wife, her beautiful almond eyes sparkling with her love for them.

"We've sent your presents and sweets to school." Hermione suddenly said, remembering they had nothing for him.

"You know I don't need presents or sweets."

"I've been making you peanut butter biscuits for twelve years because your mother wouldn't let me give them to you your first year, and I'll not have that tradition broken." His hazel eyes filled a bit and Hermione realized it was the first time they'd mentioned Ginny in a while and though she tried her best to be a mother to him, she knew he'd spent the most time with Harry and Ginny of he, Albus, and Lily. It made her wonder how he was fairing, really, at school and with his life, being the oldest probably made him feel responsible for it all. Hermione wished she could make him feel lighter, heal his wounds as surely as hers had been healed but she didn't quite know how.

"She would be very proud of you and who you are becoming, Jamie, I promise, as are we, right, Rook?" After his last bite of spaghetti, Severus nodded and offered James some wine.

"Let's toast to you." They all raised a glass, looked to each other as they clinked and they both saw the sour look on James' face as he tasted the dry Chardonnay.

"Thank you, I am glad you aren't too angry I'm here." For a moment, Hermione saw Harry in James' eyes, his ruffled hair, disheveled clothes, and wished that the trials were over.

"We aren't angry, but you need to make sure your studying is done. We know you have an arithmancy exam Monday and you will not be missing it." Severus added, pouring him a bit more.

"Come, let's finish and walk. Charlie promised to send a missive when they're in deliberation." The mess cleaned and they stood, grabbed robes and went to the lifts. They walked around Kiev for a few hours, stopping in stores in the magical district and finding a few things for the girls and Albus for Easter, books and clothes, sweets and new quills, ink, and other school supplies.

"Do you think we could get Rose some polish for her broom, she's been filching mine." When Hermione looked at James, who seemed to be as tall her now, she saw Harry again in his facial expression, the joke evident around his eyes as they sparkled looking down the row of shops.

"Of course, she wrote about it and I forgot." She put her arm around his shoulders as they went into a broom shop, finding grabbing several cans of polish. As they payed for the broom supplies, Hermione saw a message from Charlie arrive and from the look on Severus' face, it wasn't exactly what they'd expected.

"Something has happened, we should return." Handing them the receipt, Hermione noted that the shop owner looked at them critically, as though he was trying to place them. When they left the shop, she shrank their packages and put them in her beaded bag, and took a deep breath, Severus put his arm around James and they were gone, as she prepared to do the same, she felt a tug on her sleeve and instead of apparating back to the International Wizarding Court, she found herself spinning, a portkey taking her to a destination she didn't recognize. She pulled her wand as she landed, turning on her assailant as she did and finding herself at a loss for words, for breath.

"I mean you no harm." The old man whispered, but Hermione knew better than to trust him, even in his obviously weakened state.

"How did you arrange this, Dolohov?" She asked, noting the beeping sound of monitors in his room, the constantly updating chart above him. It was clear she was in some sort of hospital room, even though it looked nothing like St. Mungos. The Cyrillic on the wall clued her into the realization that she was in Ukraine still, but obviously not where she'd intended to go.

"I paid a guard handsomely and had my little spies all over the town. I knew eventually you'd venture out; I'm delighted it happened before I took this." He held up a vial, filled with liquid Hermione recognized as a death serum, often used to help people die peacefully when they suffered from debilitating disorders. Severus had brewed this for Astoria, she recalled.

"What could you possibly want with me if you aren't intending to harm me?" Wand pointed at him, she touched her throat for a moment and remembered how the pain of the slicing hex had ripped through her

"I felt it necessary to inform you that this was all my scheme, my plan to do what my family has done for generations which is to stay on top by taking what belongs to others. I don't know another way, this is all I know and although I can see from the expression on your face that you think what I'm saying is ridiculous, you should know that I have no other motive in my honesty than to atone for a moment." The man who'd brought her there, who'd held her arm and took the portkey stepped next to Dolohov, wiping the sweat from his brow.

"You see, for all my planning and scheming, I haven't been successful. All my years of trying to stop the inevitable, I couldn't best you; do you know why that is, Hermione Granger?" It was odd, looking into his eyes and finding remorse and something else, something far more emotional than she would've expected from the man who had hurt her more than once.

"I'm really not interested at this point, honestly. Percy told me about your family, how you've all stolen my family's magic, their powers to see and empathize, but you failed and although there are many questions I have for your lackeys, I don't care anything about your false words." Part of her wanted to leave immediately, she felt that there were wards but they seemed keyed only to Dolohov.

"It's more than that, we share a common ancestry, did you know that? His name was Gilles de Rais and he was a monster, he dismembered children, stole their power and worse, he did unspeakable things to them, sexually, but from this our family became intertwined. You see, in retribution a sort of civil war erupted, one part of the family began to dominate the other, continuing the tradition to keep the family powerful, the land intact, the money continuously flowing. We owned great estates in France, the empire and here. For generations, this symbiotic relationship continued, serving us well, but a branch of the family began to fight back against tradition, unwilling to continue the sharing-"

"Your definition of sharing is sorely off point." Hermione interrupted, admittedly intrigued by the history of their apparent families, but still, she felt nothing but anger and animosity.

"You cannot leave until we drop the wards, girl, so stay your wand and listen. Our time is short." The man cast a cooling charm on Dolohov again and continued to make him comfortable, but Hermione felt only the bizarre pull of his aura, so she sat in a chair across from him, wand still drawn.

"You don't have any power at all now, so why should I bother. I can drop these wards and leave whenever I'd like."

"No you cannot." She turned to his line of sight, Kingsley Shacklebolt stood in the door, Eugene Crawford behind him and two aurors she didn't recognize.

"You think those hapless former aurors could stop me if I wanted to leave?"

"Your guard was down but a moment and you're here, and do you really want to waste this time discussing who has the bigger wand?" His crassness made her stomach turn, made her wish she had actually killed him all those years before.

"I was meant to take everything from you, like we did your mother and grandmother, but you proved yourself a worthy opponent and now, as I am dying and will not be on trial, I want you to know that-" His pause actually got her attention, but she tried to remain impassive, though she was failing.

"You have five minutes." She heard from over her shoulder, recognizing Shacklebolt's voice immediately.

"The prophecy said you would end the evil started by Gilles de Rais, and it was right, no matter how much I tried to stop it from happening, I may not agree with the age of the children he abused, I certainly agree with his methods- who wouldn't want to have that much power? Your daughters will be powerful adversaries, they are the first Mitford descendants in six hundred years who will retain all of their power. I won't pretend to apologize, to demean you with false regret, but it does make me curious, that you would eventually end up with Severus, a death eater, one whose family has a storied past of their own. When you came to kill me, I used your own power to see all that you'd experienced, the visions you'd had and the extent of the magic I didn't take before, and I saw him in your mind, how you'd desperately called to him. The ministry used my knowledge, did you know, they designed the perfect punishment for him around the information that you and he were bonded through a soul call, that your infantile pleas for help after the snake petrified you found the one open crack in his blackened called into the void and he found you, a snotty teenager, and yet he didn't know, did he, that your soul had taken ownership of him, that you'd sewn yourselves together and even when you were old enough, when he felt he could take delight in you, he didn't. You taunted him, I saw it, your desperation for him, your care for him, a traitor and yet, neither of you understood what was happening. He could've made you a weapon, he could've used your connection to give him so much more than a pitiful life as a puppet. All those years watching as the rest of us took delight in our games and he barely touched you, you who were so completely under his spell. He could've had you first but he didn't and you must think him noble, for pushing you away for making you go about your sorry ending up with a blood traitor and having his brats." He paused, he could see her growing angrier and less inclined to listen, but these were things she had to hear before he died.

"I knew him long before you were born, when he was a scrawny nothing desperate to fit in, just like you except he was always darker, more sinister, and together, I...I saw your future, I used your power to determine what it would mean if Severus did take you for his own. Your delusions were real, everything you saw, it's going to happen. I don't regret what I've done, I regret that I couldn't convince him to stop playing both sides, to take power and join us, to harness the magic and be his own master for once. But, he's entirely too loyal to you, Hermione Granger. I must admit if I were in his place, if my wife had been anything worth fighting for, I would've chosen you as well, alas, I made the wrong choice. I chose to manipulate these people against you and it failed, we failed. The Ministry couldn't stop us and those who feigned collusion, your supposed allies, wanted to control him and you just as much as me, they know how to play both sides, too you know. Don't trust them, if you take nothing else from what I've said today, do not trust them." Her brows crinkled, her heart and mind fought to understand all that he'd said, though some of it sounded like fevered delusions, mumbled musings of a sinister man who had hurt her more than she could possibly fathom in that moment, watching him die. Through the pleasure she'd felt, the relief when she thought she and Draco had killed him years before, it felt like nothing as she watched him, like the dichotomy of wanting revenge while also understanding how tarnished a soul became when one took another life. The man moved to give Dolohov the potion and Hermione watched as the potion dripped quickly into his mouth, the evil in him so apparent as she saw the numbers above him shifting ever slower, ever lower until they were , his body turning black as she'd witnessed Severus' do after the final battle, and yet she felt absolutely no inclination to help him, to end any suffering he might have felt. She hadn't replied, she hadn't been able to say anything as she watched him die, only think, only wonder why evil like him still existed. She closed her eyes for a moment and tried to calm her mind, to force peace when all she wanted to do was escape. Her eyes opened, she saw Kingsley and Eugene walk into the room.

"You've let him kill himself." She seethed, her mistrust and anger boiling over as her wand hand tingled, as she saw Severus appear outside the room; they'd dropped the wards.

"He was going to die regardless, we thought you would want the opportunity to get answers." Crawford responded, his tone neutral but his eyes pleading with her to understand. He knew his days were numbered, he'd be in Azkaban or another prison soon enough and wanted to give her closure if he could.

"So you allowed a wanted criminal to use a portkey, to bring me here against my will, to spout vile things to me and not really explain anything, not more than I already knew, so you think that relieves you of guilt?" Putting her wand back up her sleeve, she stepped through the door, leaving Dolohov and his caretaker in the hospital room alone, coming to stand with Severus as both Minsters for Magic turned towards them.

"We didn't allow him to take you, we simply followed once he did." Crawford finally interjected.

"You deserve every opportunity to get answers and it has nothing to do with guilt or blame, we both feel that while we have the power to do so, we should be doing whatever it takes to ensure we can help you." Crawford's reply came as soon as the lift dinged, more aurors arrived and Hermione knew their time was once again limited.

"But I got none, didn't I, I got no answers. You've helped enough, gentlemen, please desist further actions on our behalf." Severus' arm came around her protectively as he took them back to the hotel, the suite that had been clearly bugged or watched, nothing felt safe except Severus.

"Where is Jamie?" She asked as they arrived next to the bed.

"With Charlie, when you didn't appear at the courthouse, I sent him with Charlie back to England. We are going as well." Scanning the room, she immediately took her bag and gathered everything she needed, putting her extra items in her other bag, extended with charms just like her beaded bag.

"Will you explain, please, what happened?" She asked, searching his face for answers.

"Not here, when we get home." It made her stop, it made her look cautiously at him and question why he was rushing her. Stopping dead in her tracks, she faced him, taking her wand from her sleeve, her heart thudding in quick time, her breathing erratic.

"Ask me the question." She begged, her emotions filling the room; despair, anger, resentment, and love so fierce she would die before letting anyone take her family away again.

"What can I get you, Hermione?" Memories flashed in quick succession in her mind, of all the nights she'd slept under the stars with him, looked to the stars while in the infirmary during her many stays at Hogwarts, when he'd begged her for the stars. The words wouldn't come to reply, she simply fell into his arms with her bags and he took them, several stops in points along the way until they were finally at Grimmauld place, finally home.

"Mynee, thank Merlin." James rushed to hug her, to hold her tightly and then Severus, he hugged them both fiercely and it dawned on her that James had been frightened to lose her, to lose both of them. It crushed her to think of the children having to lose another set of parents.

"Let me put our bags down and we'll talk, okay." James let her go and ran to his room, she heard him pacing for a moment then settle.

"What happened?" She asked again, desperate for answers.

"Carson MacNair was killed." Severus bluntly replied, coming to her side. He placed his hands around her face, massaged her ears a bit then her neck and healed her. "They have apprehended the assailant, someone who spent a great deal of time reading the Daily Prophet and stories of the crimes against you, us. They have taken him into custody and moved Percy and Andromeda to another safe house. With Dolohov and MacNair now dead, they are concerned for Michaels, Percy, and Tonks." Hermione snorted.

"Now they're concerned. They didn't seem all that concerned when I was portkeyed to a random hospital in Kiev to speak with Dolohov, or keeping Lucius in Azkaban when they knew, undoubtedly, that he was innocent or helping us stop the LeStranges in France when they were the ones who probably sent them there, to trick us into thinking we were doing ourselves a favor. I'm sure they were concerned when Sophie and Percy forced me into delusions, into a world where I was molested in more ways than one. They are evil, just as evil as..." He watched her, her resentment rising and felt it all, he felt how the betrayal made her skin crawl.

"Hermione, they've always been this way, this isn't new. When they clean house, perhaps things will change but governments manipulate and use people, all of them."

"You're right, I know, but my faith…. it's been so misplaced." He feared tears, he feared her retreating into herself as she had after Lily and Winnie were born, but instead she looked to him and a smile appeared on her lips.

"You have a heart that most people don't understand, Hermione, you give people opportunities and hope they'll do the right thing, you don't judge people instantly as most do. I love you, words don't even come close to describing what it means to me to have you and the children, the Weasleys, Malfoys in my life in such a different way than I've ever experienced before. Come, let us freshen up and have dinner with Jamie and Charlie, Lucius is bringing Hyperion and Draco, we can discuss what Dolohov told you later." Stepping up on her toes,she kissed him, terrified that she would never again trust anyone in her life like she had before, even him. She questioned everything she thought she knew.

"The girls?" She asked, noting the nursery door was wide open.

"They are with Bill and Fleur for the evening so we can celebrate Jamie and have a night to ourselves. I can bring them if you'd rather they be here."

"No, it's fine, I just missed them is all. We'll talk later." He felt that there were words Hermione wasn't saying, pain she wasn't expressing but he hoped that a dinner with people she loved would help ease her suffering.

"Yes, later." She felt his questions in the tone of his voice even if she hadn't looked to him one more time before leaving the room, his mouth was curled and she knew he didn't believe her, that he could sense she was more concerned than she let on, that her misgivings went further than those on trial. Neither said another word about it until everyone was asleep.

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

Dinner was better than she'd anticipated, the people around her made her feel lighter for a time, their lines, their anecdotes, all seemed to make her feel loved. James was obvious enjoying time away from Gryffindor tower and the noise of a full house, though he enjoyed relaying the stories of Scorpius and Albus, their antics in classes, the House points they'd won and lost. He told them of the potions classes he'd had with the new professor, a man named Cuthbert, who had transferred from Beauxbatons.

"He does this funny thing when we brew something correctly, he made a week's best brew board outside the dungeons, and if you make the wall, he's a spot per year, you get to use one of his special cauldrons or help him collect ingredients." James was so excited Hermione felt his joy from across the table and she laughed as she saw Severus' face, no doubt thinking about his former dungeons littered with student awards.

"Do you find that your favorite class this year?" She asked him, watching as he remained animated, much better than earlier in the day.

"Yes, though I have to say, Professor Longbottom's herbology class is right after it, I usually just stay behind to help him if I've been collecting ingredients with Professor Cuthbert. I'd like to see if I can work extra with them so I can do the summer program this year."

"What is the summer program?" Lucius asked, as Hyperion moved from his chair to hug his grandfather.

"It's like an pre-apprenticeship, we do extra coursework and several days we go to different locations and harvest supplies and then work with a potions master to brew potions above our grade. It gives those who complete years three through seven an advantage when they leave Hogwarts." Severus looked proudly at James, inspired by the maturity he exhibited.

"That sounds marvelous. Would Severus be able to oversee the potions portion?" Lucius sent the dishes to the kitchen as they all moved to the sitting room.

"I meant to talk with you before I applied, Rook." James looked bashfully at him, but then sheepishly like his father, and then proud.

"I will write to Sinistra, she must approve the potions master portion, but I would be willing as long as you understand that it is a four-year commitment and I won't be going easy on you." Hermione stared between them, seeing them bond on another level; James had been encouraging and accepting of them as guardians but he hadn't quite taken to Severus as Albus, Rose, and the little girls had. She watched as James shook his hand then tentatively put an arm around him like he had earlier in the day when he'd first arrived.

"Thank you, Rook. I promise I won't let you down." And she heard it, as though Harry hadn't been swirling in her memory all day, she heard that same approval seeking tone that Harry had always used with adults, the professors he wanted to believe he was more than a scar and legend, and his friends.

"I will let you know when I've spoken with the headmistress and of course you'll have to have approval from Professor Cuthbert, and we'll need a detailed schedule of dates to meet your herbology requirements. " James nodded immediately and thanked him again, coming to sit next to Hermione on the sofa, across from the Malfoy and Charlie who were chatting about quidditch.

"Your cousins made these for you today." Charlie handed over the cards and presents from his cousins, the ones not yet at Hogwarts and a gift from his Uncle George and Aunt Angelina, a certificate to be used in Hogsmeade.

"Brilliant!" Exclaimed, looking over the texts from Bill and Fleur and the new Gryffindor scarf from Charlie and Billy.

"We must be going, Hyperion is meeting with the headmaster tomorrow at Hawthorne School."

"Good luck!" Hermione reached to hug him as Draco grabbed their cloaks.

"We'll see you soon." Draco leaned in for a hug, holding her a moment longer than he normally would. "It isn't your fault, you know. He was evil." He shuddered just as she did, wondering how they'd got it wrong all those years before. His smell filled her nose, made her remember all those years before when they'd decided to go after Dolohov, to one last threat out; for a moment, she felt distrust again, let her mind fill with questions about why they had failed to kill him. Had Draco sabotaged her?

"We'll talk." She kissed his cheeks and watched as they went to the floo, the beautiful boy taking his father's hand. There was no doubt he was a good father, even if she had never thought it possible at one time, though she hadn't considered she'd be a good mother herself.

"I'll help you take this to your room." Hermione helped James carry presents to his room and and waited as he put things in his bag, placing the texts next to his bed before turning to her.

"I was worried you were gone."

"This has been a trying time, I know and we haven't shared everything with you, but know that we are trying so hard to make sure this is the end, that once all the trials are over our family will be able to live without fear." He rushed into her arms, vulnerable and afraid, unable to hold back a moment longer before the dam of his emotions burst.

"One day, will you tell me more?" James begged, holding her so tightly she could barely breathe.

"Yes, when you are older. Some of it involves your uncle, you know, and I don't want you to-"

"I know, Uncle Percy is a gray area." She sighed as he pulled away.

"It's worse than you can imagine, Jamie, but it's not time for that right now. When more time has passed, when we can all be more objective and less emotional about it, I will tell you the entire truth. Until then, understand Rook and I are doing whatever we can to make sure there is justice for our family." Ruffling his hair, she kissed his cheeks and hugged him once more.

"Brush your teeth and get some sleep, we'll go somewhere special tomorrow." James nodded and pulled his pajamas from his overnight bag then smirked at her as she put her hand on her hips and smirked right back.

"I love you, James Sirius, goodnight and happy birthday." Quickly descending the stairs, she found her husband toiling in the kitchen, putting up the dinner and dessert, his sleeves rolled up, his shoulders tight. With her hands she gently massages him there, his broad and tough shoulders, kissing him softly as she did, then resting her head on his shoulder blade before wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Come with me, Kreacher will do this." Her words pulled at him as surely as her words did.

"I will finish this and be along." Furrowed brow she let go of him and stepped away, he seemed annoyed with her.

"Have I done something?" Large eyes filled and he instantly regretted his words, he'd just needed a moment to collect himself before facing the reality of Antonin Dolohov's words, the truth he must've told Hermione about his role.

"I just needed a moment to breath." He finally said, not facing her, not letting himself see her disappointment.

"Take all the time you need, I understand." Squeezing his hand for a moment, she left him there alone in the kitchen, changed into her nightclothes and flopped on the bed. It had been a horrendously long day, full of emotions and memories, surprises and horrors which she hoped to avoid with the last two trials. She had no idea when Severus finally came to bed, the night had claimed her before he joined her. He watched her toss and turn, the sweat bead at her forehead and then, he'd anticipated it, she shrieked awake and turned to him.

"You've been having nightmares for weeks now, perhaps dreamless sleep?" Pushing her hair from her face, he was surprised when she immediately pulled away from him and went to the loo, her memories of the slicing hex had plagued her sleep, literal dreams for once. Washing her face and blowing her nose, she found her mind contemplating why he seemed put out, why he seemed so annoyed with her and she remembered, when they'd first arrived home her melancholy had obviously flowed out and she knew he felt her distrust, her fear. Yet, she hoped he would be understanding, that he would know how terrified and distraught she was after being taken to Dolohov. Lost in thought, she didn't feel him move behind her until she opened her eyes again, flannel back in the sink as his hands turned her.

"Please do not mistake my weariness for anger or annoyance with you, I am simply as frustrated and powerless as you. I find this situation repulsive, but never you. Come to bed, let me hold you." He didn't need to say another word or beg, Hermione was more than happy to have him near, even if her emotions seemed to run the full gambit each time something else happened. Crawling in quickly beside him, she felt her body mold into his before he kissed her forehead, then mouth, both of their lips warm, inviting to the other.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." She climbed over him, holding him tightly, leaning over him and trying not to cry as the day completely caught up with her.

"Don't apologize for something you haven't done, my dear." His fingers traveled her sides, resting finally on the small of her back before leaning up to nip her neck.

"I just, I can't explain." Her grip on him was fierce, she refused to let him go even for a moment.

"You don't have to explain."

"But I do, Dolohov told me when he took some of my power he saw my past, what was experienced. I made your soul bind with mine, I called out after I was petrified and your soul responded, it only became stronger each time I was in the infirmary and then when you were- he said our souls are sewn together, I did this, I made your life infinitely more complicated and compromised you." Nipping her neck again, he refused to let her take blame for something beyond their control.

"Hermione, look at me," she pulled back and stared into his eyes, "This wouldn't have happened if our magic hadn't made it so. Although quite rare, a soul call doesn't mean the people will end up as we have- when you left Hogwarts I was convinced that something like this had happened and though I was unprepared to admit as much, I found cases of soul calls between generations of people, those whose magic transcended time to save another or whose love protected another. Your soul needed mine, yours saved mine from total darkness and though it initially was meant only to protect and save, we've obviously moved beyond that and don't think for one moment I think of your desperate soul reaching into the void for help and that mine answering is you compromising my life. I've said it before and I'll say it again, your presence in my life has fundamentally and for the better dammit, and your care of me, when you were struggling with your own convalescence, changed my life forever. You showed me kindness and expected nothing in return but my own, and I already loved you, didn't I." He pushed her hair back, pulled her close again and kissed her so ardently, she felt his emotions flow through her, his body responding.

"Never doubt that I have been thankful for our bond, even when it tortured me so, because look what we have now, we have a family, we have each other." His body turned hers slowly until she was lying under him, his arm under her neck, kissing her again as though it was the last time he would.

"He was terrifying." She whispered against him, their lips fighting for supremacy.

"He is gone, he will never hurt you again." He saw it, then, her small smile, knowing that for a moment, at least, she felt relief. When he paused in moving her tank over her head, his eyes asked the question, if this was the right time for passion or they should stop and finish their discussion on Dolohov, on the trials and deaths of the day. It was clear that she needed the escape as much as he did, so he continued, possessing her and truly suspending any other thoughts except pleasure until it was time to sleep, when they talked for an hour more before finally, he lit up the room with the stars and made Hermione's fears calm for another night

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

( _Hermione and Ron officially start dating)_

 _Ginny helped Hermione straighten her hair for her first official date with Ron, going to see a film, his first, and then to eat with Ginny and Harry at a new restaurant near Grimmauld Place which served Indian food. She didn't know why she was suddenly so nervous, after all she had known Ron for most of her life and there was no doubt how he felt about her, though she still wondered how he'd feel if she told him about Professor Snape, about still caring for him so ardently that she could barely function some days, like there was a great vacuum in her life, a void she couldn't fill with school and work, theory and practice. No doubt she loved Ron, she had fancied him for years, but with Severus, things were so complicated and different, she just couldn't shake him._

 _"Wear the green one, it suits you so much." Ginny held up a green dress she'd been given by Fleur in their Christmas exchange and Hermione pondered her options, which were few, then slipped on the green dress and helped Ginny into hers, a gorgeous red dress from her mum and dad for her birthday last August. When they were changed and ready, they came down the stairs and found the boys dressed and ready as well; Ron stopped talking, it was like every romantic film she'd seen, he couldn't take his eyes off hers as they came to stand next to them. His hand held hers as they stood, Hermione was thankful Ginny and Harry were joining them after the film so that they could have some independent time together, but not for too long, she didn't quite know how things between she and Ron would go._

 _"Let's go see your film." He whispered in her ear, moving her sleek hair from her shoulder then pulling her cloak around her, tying the top in a pretty bow. "You look...beautiful." He added and she wondered if anyone had ever looked at her the way Ron was currently, staring her down as though she was the most beautiful woman in the world, it made her flesh tingle as though a cold breeze had just entered the sitting room._

 _"You look quite dashing yourself." Her reply came as they apparated to the theater and watched an updated version of, "A Christmas Carol", he held her hand the entire time, the closeness, the feel of his strong fingers around hers was comforting, so very welcome. Every now and then he would look to her, smile bashfully and look back to the movie; it had been almost two years since they'd kissed first, and so much had happened and not happened since then she felt compelled to really give it a go, to devote herself to him now that she could. So when he turned again, she leaned into him and kissed him, their lips meeting warmly as though they were made to kiss each other. His hand let go of hers as he pulled her closer, wrapping his arm around her shoulders._

 _"I love you." He whispered, realizing that telling her on their first official date was probably jumping the gun, but Hermione replied in kind, resting her head softly on his shoulder and wishing that in the moment, she could disappear with him, finally getting to experience life with him unencumbered by school and healing. But, they sat and finished the movie, met Ginny and Harry at the Indian restaurant, and sat together while they all enjoyed several dishes family style._

 _"Did you enjoy ice skating?" Hermione asked them, finding it odd that they weren't chilled at all, she thought perhaps Ginny had finally been successful in conning Harry to stay behind and take advantage of the empty house. Molly had remarked that Harry had so much space, he might as well have people living on all the floors and he'd still never see everyone, but that hadn't been the case, really. Hermione found that they all ran into each other quite frequently, Neville often wandering listlessly into the den in the morning or Dean bounding down the stairs at all hours. It seemed that no one could find complete quiet or alone time in the house unless an entire floor was empty or everyone happened to be at work, at a quidditch match, or school._

 _"We didn't make it." Ginny replied smiling, smirking more like and Ron pretended to be disgusted, though he knew how much Harry loved his sister it was still odd to find them canoodling or even to discover Ginny not in her room but Harry's._

 _"Too much information!" Ron pushed his naan and tandoori chicken away, but Hermione put her hand on his leg, stilling him and trying to take his mind off of his sister and bestfriend._

 _"Well, we should go at some point, they'll be closing it in two weeks."_

 _"Perhaps, Ron and I have six weeks of training in Egypt." Hermione had forgotten about them going away completely, but she tried not to let the worry set in, she hated them being gone and being in the house, especially when the house was momentarily empty. There was also a part of her that hated them being too far away for her to protect them, care for them as she had while they'd been on the run._

 _"Don't worry, we'll be back in no time. Besides, you and Ginny will have tons of girl time with Luna, if she's back from Thailand by then." Harry tipped his wine to them, but Hermione felt the dread resting in her stomach, the fear that something terrible would happen to them while they were gone. It was irrational to worry so much, but she couldn't help it, she had the worst fears of something happening and she couldn't logically convince herself otherwise._

 _"Besides, this will be our last foreign training until right before we get assigned to our next level." She nodded and wondered if she would ever lose the fear, the worry, the debilitating terror when she thought of them in dangerous situations, without her._

 _"Of course, let's get some ice cream before going home." She lay money on the table and took Ron's hand in hers, curling her fingers into his and holding it tightly with her other hand, as they walked down the snowy street. Hours later when they arrived back at Grimmauld Place, they all parted ways, Hermione climbing to the third floor and Ron's hand in hers, pulling him into her room and warding the door._

 _"You don't need to worry about us, Hermione, we aren't the hot headed kids we were once, you know." Removing her cloak and shoes, she turned to him, and he could see that it was more than her being concerned, she seemed far more distraught than he'd seen her since her birthday the year before._

 _"I just...don't want anything to happen to you." Leaping into his arms, she squeezed him so tightly his breath escaped._

 _"Nothing will happen, I promise. I'll be back in no time and you'll be telling me to put my laundry up or clean my dishes." Before she thought too much on his jokes about her nagging, she put her hands under his jumper, on his lower back, freezing his skin with hers until he began to tickle her back._

 _"No fair!" She shrieked, her jumping as he tickled making them realize it sounded as though far more than tickling and giggling was happening in her room. He looked so innocent, then, blushing, and she remembered how it had felt to kiss him in the Chamber of Secrets, how years of fighting and pretending affections were there had culminated in the spark of her first love. Leaning into him, she took his face in her hands and kissed him again, holding him flush against her body._

 _"I love you, I can't help but worry." Breathlessly, she kissed him again, murmuring the words as though he was leaving right that very second._

 _"I know you do, I love you, too, more than you realize." Moving her hair again, his lips trailed her jawline, down to her collarbone and back to her lips. He wasn't so shy then, not so bashful or nervous in fact she rather enjoyed his more domineering presence then, the power she felt in his arms as they pulled her to sit with him on the edge of her bed. But as her dress dipped, he saw it, the edge of her scars peeking out from the fringe and lace at the top, he paused and she looked down, mortified._

 _"It's worse than you can see." Quietly, she folded her arms across her chest and moved away slightly. "I can see it's affect already, I'm sorry." Ron looked so horrified, she wished she could apparate away or send him to his room._

 _"No, I just...I mean, I…" Closing her eyes tightly to not commit his facial expression to memory, the disgust._

 _"You can leave if you want, I won't blame you." Turning from him completely, she turned to the window, looking beyond the other rows of homes and to the sky, the stars were muted by the city lights, but she could see a few and her heart calmed slightly as his arms circled her again._

 _"No, I don't want to leave, I want you to know that I wish it had never happened, but I won't love you less, I promise. I will get used to it, I swear." But Hermione didn't want any man to simply tolerate her scars._

 _"No, it's fine really, you can go, I don't need false words, especially from you."_

 _"They aren't false, you can't expect me to look upon your body, tortured by more than one person and not feel something." She had to admit he was right, that he had only ever kissed her and Lavender, had only made out with Lavender a few times and hadn't gone further than light petting. He'd only ever seen a completely naked woman in dirty magazines passed around in the dormitory and his mother accidentally once when he was very ill._

 _"Please, give me a chance, I want you for life." Her tears fell as she turned her head slightly, she wished she wasn't so sensitive, that her heart wasn't so tortured and unwilling to settle for just getting by._

 _"Alright, a chance, but if you look at me like that again, I will hex you into oblivion and not feel sorry for a moment." He laughed, she laughed and things were righted again. Instead of wasting a single moment, Hermione stood and dimmed the lights, she removed her dress, keeping her knickers and bra on, and facing him._

 _"You're so beautiful." He stuttered, unable to take his eyes off of her, but she saw his hesitation again, the sweeping of his eyes across her scars, her body as though she was something to be pitied. Stealing herself, she let that memory of his face fade and instead let the current one, the one of pure lust take over, so she walked to him, pushing him back slightly on her bed._

 _"You want me for life?"_

 _"For life." His reply was hot on her skin as she straddled his lap, his clothes coming off as quickly as hers did, then everything became fuzzy, her mind, the distance between their bodies as they met like puzzle pieces, and then they were no longer strangers to the passion they'd created, the beginnings of a life together that last many more years. When they woke together in the morning, one more together before he and Harry left for Egypt, he held her tightly, but something about it made her fears worse instead of better. Their passion made her fear far more for his life, for his place in hers, and for a moment she could do nothing but feel panic, until his arm rested gently over her hip, pulling her so closely she felt his muscles, the hardness of his body._

 _"I wasn't joking, you know, I really want you for life, nothing will change that."_

 _"I know, I really do." They lounged together for a further hour before going downstairs for breakfast, then having to answer to Ginny and Harry's stares, knowing exactly what had finally happened between them. Hermione tried to pretend, but it was no use, they were all adults and knew exactly what was happening to them._

 _"Molly would be shocked if she knew what really happened in this house." Neville joked, pouring his tea and blushing, but Hermione did not, she simply looked to Ron and felt relief, they were going to be married someday, perhaps they'd have children, they'd find their own home and build a life together. The thought made her feel lighter, even if the weight of their training in Egypt made her worried still._

 _The next day, when they left, Ron slipped a ring on her finger before going down the stairs to meet Harry and go to the Ministry._

 _"I promise I will love you and try my best to keep you happy." Holding her hand up to the light, she saw his eyes sparkling as brightly as the new diamond on her finger._

 _"I promise you the same. I love you, Ron." Kissing each other with newly discovered passion, they ran down the stairs and found Ginny and Harry saying goodbye, a similar ring on Ginny Weasley's hand, Harry's mothers ring._

 _"Mum is going to freak out!" Ginny screamed as they ran to each other, hugging madly then immediately turning to their fiancés._

 _"You better make it back." Hermione said quietly to both of them, the reality of them going away setting in again._

 _"We will, don't worry." He gave her one final kiss and they were off. She and Ginny started making plans as soon as they were gone, deciding without them to get married at the Ministry with no fuss, they even went out that day and got dresses, matching, eating again at the Indian place before heading back to the house. After paying, Hermione saw someone she hadn't expected so close to her home, Severus Snape sitting with Kingsley Shacklebolt at the end of the long table and though she tried to usher Ginny out quickly, both men stood and came to them._

 _"Ms. Granger, you are early for your meeting." Hermione looked panicked for a moment as the Minister for Magic reached for her hand, then Ginny's, holding both of them briefly, neither were acknowledged by Professor Snape, which Hermione didn't particularly mind._

 _"It's tomorrow, you scoundrel."_

 _"And it's merely a formality. The magical creatures division will be improved with your expertise, I'm sure." She blushed slightly at his words, bringing her hand to her mouth and surprising both men with her new ring. "I see congratulations are in order, oh for both of you."_

 _"Yes, they asked before they left for Egypt and I return to quidditch." Ginny watched the exchange between Hermione and the Minister, then as her former professor looked disappointed beyond measure._

 _"Well, congratulations ladies, we will see you both soon no doubt. Until tomorrow, Ms. Granger." He shook their hands again, looking to Severus to say something, anything to his former pupils but he didn't, instead he remained quiet and aloof. They left immediately, leaving Hermione and Ginny to ponder his behavior. When they finally arrived at Grimmauld Place again, Ginny stopped Hermione before she climbed that stairs._

 _"Is there anything you want to talk about?" Hermione tried to make her face impassive, but she knew Ginny had seen something between she and Severus, the old feelings not as buried as she'd believed._

 _"It's nothing, I promise." And with that she turned, her tears forming before she even reached the second floor, she threw herself on her bed as she made it to the third floor, how could she tell Ginny she was conflicted, angry that he'd pushed her away, into another man's arms and though she knew she loved Ron, would be happy with Ron, seeing him always made her heart hurt. She recalled his eyes, moving over her, seeing the ring far before Shacklebolt had and the push in her mind, the words of congratulations in a tone she had expected, the replay of his words about running to Weasley and having a family. She'd responded without thinking, that he'd made her leave, made her choose a different life, that the pain he'd caused her, seeing him at Malfoy's engagement party, not talking to her again, made things so much worse instead of better. She felt him leave her mind, then enter it abruptly, seeing her tears as Ron pursued her scars, stopping before watching them lose their virginities. But, instead of anger at his intrusion, Hermione searched his own and saw him looking over to a woman, her face turned towards music that must've been playing in the background at a restaurant. Then, she felt nothing but sadness, disappointment, and jealousy; he had moved on as well, with a woman who was no doubt beautiful. Ripping from his mind so quickly that she almost made herself sick, shaking Kingsley's hand one more time and watching as they left, her breathing evened out and it was over. She felt betrayed for all the wrong reasons, conflicted but at the same time, it was over...truly over._

 _Steadfast in her heart, she knew that she would have to devote herself completely to Ron, to loving him, to being a good wife because the pain of losing Severus was too much and it was something Ron did not deserve. When he came home from training, all four of them went to the Ministry and got married together in their simply dresses and robes, with Weasleys and her parents there, then left for honeymoons, Ginny and Harry to Majorca, Ron and Hermione to the Azores. Someday, she would tell Ron about Severus, she would let him know that he had hurt her, that she'd hurt him, and that if their lives ever came together again, she would try her best to forget what had obviously happened with Severus, something beyond her control. And when it happened, she had tried to be professional, to hate him as much as she had in the moment she'd seen him with the woman in the restaurant. He'd made it easy, at first, but then as though whatever had brought them together was working against her professionalism. It was clear, she had never really stopped loving him, even with the knowledge that her life had diverged from his so completely. There was no doubt she loved Ron, was voted to him, but her heart, which felt tethered to Severus Snape in such a way that she couldn't fathom, turned against her, battling daily to deny that it beat for anyone but Ron. It was impossible, she felt compelled._


	21. Chapter 21

AN **: We are coming to the end of the tale, though a few things still need to be cleaned up in the plot. There is a bit of closure and optimism for the future there will definitely be some grotesque, romantic fluff at the end, fair warning. My other warnings appt, details of death and angst. Thank you so much for reading and responding, and being patient.**

They finally received dates for the final trials, though it didn't seem possible that there were only two people left to be tried from the group who'd tried to steal power and prestige to apparently bring bad people back, depending on whom one asked. There was still a concern that someone would try to hurt Percy and Andromeda, even Kingsley and Eugene Crawford had gone underground until the matter was settled, fearing they too would be harmed. A week after Carson MacNair and Antonin Dolohov died, a new Minister for Magic was chosen, one of the former Board of Governors from Hogwarts, Mary Odell and she'd chosen Penelope Clearwater as her deputy, cleaning house in all of the major bureaucratic offices to ensure that the corrupt nature that had plagued the Ministry for generations would be lessened if someday eliminated. Hermione hoped she would actually remain honest and trustful, someone who would be worthy of the office, but she doubted it.

There were two major trials left, still held at the International Wizarding Court, then Crawford and Shacklebolt would be tried, though she wasn't entirely sure it would happen, seeing as both men were still free to do as they pleased while Percy and Andromeda were under guard and protected by secret keepers. Crawford would no doubt receive a lesser sentence, he hadn't been involved for long and wasn't entrenched in the entire affair as Kingsley was, even if Kingsley had meant benevolence. She had no doubt that Kingsley had used Severus for his own means, to control and usurp power and though it had been to protect Severus, as least in Kingsley's eyes, it wasn't legal and they all knew it.

Preparing to leave for Kiev again, Hermione packed a few things and watched as Lucius brushed Lily's hair and she plaited Winnie's before putting them to bed. Severus had been at the Ministry all day to meet with Seamus about their caseload and their new colleague, Draco. It was the first time since Hermione had worked in their offices that he felt he could leave for extended periods and not return to a disaster because Seamus was a competent barrister, he wasn't nearly as organized as Severus was.

"Are you sure Narcissa is okay with the girls staying at Cherrybrook?" Hermione looked over Winnie's curls at him, watching the shift of his eyebrows and smirk, making sure he wasn't lying.

" I never speak for her without permission now, as you know, she even offered to stay here if it was easier. I think she misses Scorpius and Hyperion being so small." After a quick hug, Lily and Winnie were tucked away in their beds, Soot and Midnight lounging gracefully on the sofa in their room as Hermione finished the last of packing.

"I miss them being so small myself. It's hard to believe they'll be two in six months, it still feels like they were just born." Going through to her bedroom, she set the bags down and closed the nursery door, blowing kisses to the girls and trying her best not to think of their uncle being on trial the next day.

"Do you think...that is, do you…" She paused, brushing her own hair and then teeth, trying to think of a way to ask Lucius about Severus. Things between them had been tense since the first trials and she didn't know what to do. It seemed that every time she tried to engage him in conversation or even intimacy, since the last time they'd found each other after the trials, he'd barely kissed her little alone touched her like he had before they'd gotten married and since, for a time she'd found his appetite for her quite pleasing, feeling wanted and desired for exactly who she was. It had never been over a month without physical intimacy and it wasn't just that she missed, she missed his hands at dinner, his words at bed, just the simple feeling of his breath on her neck. He had barely slept in their room or at all, she missed him, she missed everything. Hermione picked her brush back up, her unruly hair growing longer and longer again.

"I see you are distressed." Lucius took the brush from her hand and finished her brushing, watching her face in the mirror, he was surprised she wasn't crying as he could see how melancholy she was.

"I'm losing him." She's closed her eyes, she couldn't look at Lucius while her heart felt like it was breaking.

"You are not, you will never lose him." But he could see there was no convincing her in the moment.

"I didn't think I'd lose half the people I have and it's my own fault. I'm a horrible wife." He stopped and turned her in his arms, forcing her to face him.

"Stop this, now. You are not a horrible wife and you are not going to lose him, how can you even fathom this?" But the words, his words still made her hurt, knowing she needed more and being afraid to ask for more than he could give if he didn't want to give.

"He doesn't want me anymore; I'm so ridiculous." She finally said, pushing away and going to the loo to change into her nightclothes, wishing the trials were over and her life settled as it hadn't been for years. When she returned he was sitting next to the fire in the sitting room, she heard him humming and watching the fire dance and contemplating her words.

"What do I do?" She asked, throwing herself down next to him on the sofa, taking his hand in hers.

"Give him time, he's obviously trying to deal with this situation in his way, and you know that way is internalized to the hilt. I promise, give him time, he'll bounce right back and paw at you in that disgustingly obvious way when he thinks no one is looking." She stifled a laugh then leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder and promptly falling asleep. When Severus arrived home an hour later, he found Lucius reading a book while his wife slept, remarkably well it appeared.

"She's been having terrible nightmares recently." He offered Lucius some wine and sat across from him, ready for the lecture he was about to receive from him.

"I'm not going to say anything to rile you up, so calm your boots. I merely want to remind you what life was like before she accepted you and all your colorful warts." He finished his wine and cast a charm on Hermione, lifting her and taking her to Severus, placing her in his arms and asking question silently.

"I am quite aware of my former pitiful life." She woke for a moment, and stared into his eyes sadly and forcing him to wonder what she and Lucius had been discussing.

"You've no doubt she loves you, I'm sure but just as a reminder, she loves you, you twat. Make sure she's taken care of while Cissa and I take care of your children." Taking his glass to the sink in the kitchen, he washed his hands and climbed the stairs, knowing he was taking the girls early, he'd decided to stay and also because they'd no idea what what time Severus would be home and she still hated staying at Grimmauld Place without another adult.

"Take her to bed." He paused for a moment before climbing the stairs to the next floor, and turned to him again, "and I don't mean to sleep." Placing his drink on the table, he took her more comfortably in his arms and carried her to bed, helping her find her spot before changing into his bedclothes and washing off the stench of the Ministry before finding himself in her arms, coming to the loo to brush her teeth again, feeling grimy and also she needed to wee once more. Sheepishly, she walked by him again, squeezed him once more and fell back into bed, falling asleep before he joined her. Once he did, he stared at the ceiling, his arms folded across his chest as he listened to her shallow breathing, waiting on the erratic breathing, the sharp inhale, the tears. It had been weeks and she never remembered what they were, what had made her cry, or why it continued to happen. But in the waiting, he fell asleep and never heard her nightly terror, waking up in morning long after her for the first time in a good while. He heard the girls giggling in their room and tossed his legs over, waiting as they threw open the door and ran to him.

"Rook!" Lily yelled, snagging his leg with her arms. He was shocked when he said the "r" so proudly, but a bit sad when he realized they were growing so rapidly.

"Seb, wub you." Winnie now scrambled to sit on his lap and he found his arms full of precious girls, both hugging him tightly.

"I love you both, now be good for your Uncle Lucius and Aunt Cissa or I'm sure he'll bring you right back and leave you here alone." Both of their eyes went wide, scared but both felt immediately better when he gave them each kisses on their foreheads and another tight hug.

"You ready girls?" Lucius stood in the doorway and watched as both girls smiled, giggled, and kiss Severus' cheeks again, leaving him empty-handed Lucius clearly Apparated them away.

"I've made tea, want to join me?" Hermione called from the kitchen, but it took him a moment to react, to run a hand through his hair before remembering that she hadnt woken him, that she'd slept a full night and it didn't seem to be anything to do with him, Lucius had comforted her. It made him feel incapable of helping her, providing safety and security for her when that's what he'd sworn to do for so long, before there were romantic feelings, before he loved her so completely he couldn't stand to be away. It cut him deeply, to think of her continuing to suffer when he could do nothing except shuffle her back and forth to Ukraine or Ireland, physically protecting her but emotionally, he felt stilted and alone, as though what had been holding them together had been torn, frayed at the edges.

"You don't have to, of course, I just wanted you to know there was breakfast." Taking out her braid, she quickly showered and changed, feeling no different about the situation but happy he was safe and home, like the kids would be that next week for Easter holidays. When she came back into the bedroom, he was changed as well, having showered in another loo and shaved. It made her realize that his things weren't in their bathroom.

"When did you move your toiletries?" Her eyes darted back and forth between the bathroom and him as he buttoned up his sleeves. A thousand thoughts came to her, taking the small courtesy of his giving her space to mean he wanted to live in separate spheres.

"Last night, I didn't want to see wake you since you've been sleeping so poorly." But that answer didn't sit right with her, in fact she replayed the time since they'd been gone, since Kiev and she couldn't remember seeing him shave or get ready once.

"When we get home, I'd like to have a serious talk. I don't like this at all." Her reply didn't surprise him, he assumed it wouldn't have taken her so long to ask him why things felt different.

"Fine, let's go, I don't want to be late." Wounded, she refused to hold him as she had to apparate, instead she did her own apparition points and arrived in Kiev seconds after him, walking assuredly into the courtroom and seeing Percy sitting with a barrister from Sweden, one she'd only seen during MacNair's trial. She didn't think his trial would be long as he was entering a guilty plea, by she still wanted to be present. Lucius' words from the previous night entered her mind, she looked to her husband and tried to understand, to sympathize and logically conclude why things had been so different between them, but she just couldn't put her wand on it; he was a different man.

"Percy Ignatius Weasley, you have entered a guilty plea to all the charges set before you. This trial is for sentencing alone. Do you have any reason to plead before the court?" The Russian magistrate said quickly, Hermione couldn't remember his name and couldn't read the Cyrillic, it made her feel inept. As Percy began to speak, she felt herself dozing off, going into her mind and putting books back on shelves that had fallen during her last nightmare, it felt as though she were floating, as though she had fallen into a deep lake and couldn't swim to the surface. When she finally opened her eyes again, she was in the loo being cooled by Charlie.

"You passed out, have you been eating, you're looking rather thin again." Hermione nodded, she hadn't been eating enough but still, it typically didn't make her weak enough to pass out.

"Percy had a few people speak on his behalf, Audrey and some former co-workers pleaded for clemency. They've given the same sentence as Sophie Michaels, he'll lose custody of his girls and magic, be imprisoned as a worker and obliviated. Not that I wanted to see my little brother killed, but it feels anticlimactic that the LeStranges received the kiss and the others are getting an easy sentence. Jenkins left but said she'd be back after some research she needs to find."" Hermione blinked several times and sat up, hugging Charlie tightly and wishing things didn't feel so chaotic.

"How will she possibly tell the girls? They'll never know him and it doesn't make any sense that he'd do all this, no matter how many times he's explained it." Charlie helped her stand and then walk back into the courtroom where she saw Billy, Severus, Fleur, Bill, and George sitting with Audrey as she was handed Percy's wand and other effects, his last words etched on paper and letters for Molly and Lucy. It broke her heart, seeing the family so broken.

"This is for you, Hermione." She took the letter with Percy's infamous quilled scratchings and put it in her bag. For a moment, she wondered why Charlie had been the one with her in the loo and not Severus. Had things really deteriorated to the point that Severus didn't even care if she was well?

"Tonks will go after lunch, anyone care to eat in the cafeteria?" Bill asked, his arm around Fleur as they appeared solemn. Percy was already gone, his new identity unknown to all except Hermione, the court-appointed secret keeper. She took a few steps and leaned to take Severus' arm, hoping she could entice him to eat but instead she only found him in conversation with George about something hushed.

"We'll join you shortly." George patted her shoulder at Severus' terse words, forcing Hermione to pull away swiftly, taking herself to the cafeteria and getting lunch, sitting with the Weasleys in quiet contemplation. Her mind turned effortlessly and she tried to reason what was happening. All she could surmise was that the death of Dolohov had shifted something, perhaps she had received some of her powers back, that things had changed because the power Dolohov had stolen was somehow leaching back. It made sense, her dreams, well nightmares, were numerous, the kinetic pain of her magic soaring through her body made her realize that being with him when he'd died had changed her somehow. And had Dolohov known this, that his death would somehow change Hermione's powers, that the bond between she and Severus would shift and realign as her magic matured and changed?

"Do you want to go for a walk?" Charlie asked, placing his hand over Billy's and waiting for her response. But, she didn't want to walk, she just wanted to work through her new theory.

"No, I'm going to the library." Sending her tray to the busing line, she clutched her bag and went to the library, passing Severus and George, looking at neither. She spent two hours looking through magic theory books, taking notes and going through her mind for the books in the library at Grimmauld Place, trying to remember what she'd read about the leaching of magic and if it could be returned, but she found nothing, only the cases where people were tried for taking magic or the hospital records of those who'd had their magic taken. She'd always wondered what happened to the magic when it was taken from those who were punished by the magical community.

When she returned to the courtrooms, she found Severus sitting outside the door.

"Pleasant lunch?" She asked, wishing for nothing else but him to look upon and see him pleased to see her.

"Not entirely, but we did finalize a few things." Taking a seat next to him, she wanted to reach for him again but felt him pulling away even if she hadn't actually touched him. The tether she normally felt luring her towards him, taking her by surprise daily because she had felt so naturally drawn to him, wavered like a broken frequency, a stream suddenly dammed. Going into her mind, she chose a book from her library, one that contained memories of the time she'd spent with him at Hogwarts after the war, how she'd realized her feelings for him and the pain of lying so close, of comforting him and finding him pushing her away.

She turned to him. "I'm afraid." Her low voice unsettled him, he hadn't seen her quite like this since the girls were very small.

"You have no reason to be afraid." He replied, but the coldness of his voice made things worse instead of better. It seemed he was like a specter again, see through and floating away just as he had before she left, when he'd scheduled her NEWTs early, when she was immature but so devoted to him. Sometimes she wondered how differently everything might've gone if they'd known about the bond, the soul call, and how their lives were so interconnected. Her grief flowed from her and swallowed him, he felt every ounce of her fear, her pain, and unanswered questions until he almost felt ill, as though he would retch just being near to her.

"I have no idea what to tell the children." She added, smoothing her hair and straightening her robes. "They'll be so disappointed."

"Their Uncle wasn't so present in their lives, I'm sure they'll survive." Without thinking, she stood and turned to him, unsure they were speaking the same language. Finally, he understood that all he'd done to protect her, to give her space and try to understand why she was suffering so since the death of Dolohov had made her question him. It was as though a shroud had been lifted, he felt the weight of her misgivings, the back and forth of emotions with everything that had happened with 'Virginia Davies' and Percy, the part of her mind that simply couldn't stop worrying that he no longer desired her, which he found preposterous. They had both kept quiet on matters such as these since Dolohov had killed himself, but Severus believed he'd been doing the right thing, trying to determine the best way to protect her when she simply needed him to be her husband first. And if they're ability to communicate, at such a crucial time, was still so clearly absent, she worried for the longevity of their marriage and ability to raise competent adults.

"I am not talking about Percy, you...you fool." And with that, she turned and went into the courtroom, angrier than she'd been all day and far more annoyed. Could he not see how troubled she was? Could he not understand that every day she felt him pulling further and further away until one day, he might be gone completely? When he sat down next her, she moved to give him space but felt his arm touching hers, his hand reaching for her, his fingers intertwined.

"Andromeda Black Tonks, please listen as your crimes and accusations are presented to the court." Hermione watched the beautiful, old woman sit pleasantly in the center of the room, but her skin tingled as she watched her more intensely, feeling electricity coursing through her until she felt Severus shift, their magic mingling and the natural tether pulsing as well. Hermione felt a nudge at her mind, then her own mind showing him her despair, how desperately alone she felt, how much she missed him and needed him. In his way, he showed her the continuous nightmares, how frightened she appeared when she woke and didn't know who he was.

"I have lost my magic already, I see no use in any other punishment and would ask to be kissed. It is what I deserve for the pain I have caused." Tonks' voice broke their bond for a moment, Hermione thought of Teddy and how she wished she'd known how abused he'd been for years by his grandmother, when they could've given him the care he deserved. Remus and Dora hadn't died for a better world in which Teddy was abused by his own grandmother, and yet when she tried to reason that perhaps Andromeda Tonks really did believe she was making the world better for Teddy, she simply couldn't find the right words.

"Before then, I would ask to speak with the Weasleys and Ms. Granger." Shocked, Hermione's eyes met the hers and hoped it was not another scheme, like the terrifying time she'd spent mere feet away from Dolohov.

"You can speak with them now, or never." It was clear Tonks wanted to say personal things but Hermione did not feel comfortable speaking with Tonks out of view of the court, she squeezed Severus' hand then pushed against him a bit, wishing they could leave and talk.

"I cannot atone enough to your family for you role in this scheme. Our intentions were honorable, at first but when Dolohov came onboard, we had a change in direction and I suppose the magic I lost, I worried I'd be too vulnerable. I couldn't protect Teddy, I couldn't end the wheels turning, the plans that had been set in motion. My family is gone, I wanted them back. Hermione, your boys, they can come back, we can fix it all, if you'd just-" But the magistrates silenced her before anymore of her words left her lips.

"We will recess until tomorrow morning at half eight." They took Andromeda from the room, silenced and struggling, but Hermione could no longer watch. She let Severus help her stand, take his arm and then apparate them to the hotel where she lay with him for hours, crying and feeling guilty, selfish, and terrified for her family. Disappointed in herself for losing her temper and allowing the temporary pain and indifference she felt cloud her mind.

"I'm so sorry." She cried, holding him tightly and wishing he would take her away, to a Hogwarts to get their children early, collect the girls from Cherrybrooke, to Ireland to escape any memories or vestiges of a different life. But escaping wasn't the right choice, she had to finish out the trials and seek whatever form of justice she could.

"No, I'm sorry. I've been so terrified that I cannot protect you, give you comfort and your nightmares, each night I try to help you but you seem only to get worse when I touch you." Sitting straight up, she immediately touched him, feeling the tether pull her, her mind becoming thick with fog, hearing his heartbeat echo in the fog and then, she saw him, his eyes traveling her form while she slept and the kinetic energy flowing, his own despair making the tether stronger.

"How could we have missed this? Severus, our magic, the soul call, it's been magnified, not weakened. You've been experiencing my nightmares along with me, even if neither of us can recall what I've dreamed. I'm seeing Healer Gibbons with Winnie on Sunday, I will speak with him about this, I'm sure now that Dolohov dying shifted something." Leaning to him and taking his face in hers, she felt him want to pull away, to dip back into the mattress, but he didn't. When their lips met, it sparked like their magical signatures were meeting and exploding.

"Kiss me." She begged, grabbing his frock coat and shifting him closer. "Please, Severus, please. I can't do this without you."

"You will do nothing without me, I swear." He finally responded, seeing his own behavior clearly, his fear of being unable to protect her, the children, his family as they'd made it. "I'm sorry, so very sorry, you needed me and I couldn't even see what was happening. I promise you will do nothing without me, until sweet Nimue takes me away, I swear." Sitting up with her in his arms, he pulled her flush against his body and held her for as long as she would let him.

"Did you really think I would leave you?" He asked her, moving her hair from her face.

"Yes, I did. You seemed dead set against me." Her tears fell again, soaking his neck and collar as she pulled him close again.

"Never, I swear to you, I felt so inept and discouraged, but our bond, our choices we won't be parted, even if one of us chose to leave, we'd be pulled together again."

"So that's what this is? Requirement? We are pulled together only because some desperate call of my soul when I was thirteen years old?" Pulling away, she tried to remind herself what he'd said before, that they had made different choices, that their bond started as protection and moved into love. As he sighed heavily and closed his eyes, Hermione wished she could take the words back but she knew once they'd been said they couldn't be forgotten. "Darling, please forgive me I'm a mess and I don't deserve you, soul or not. When I think of all you've done for me, I just, I love you and if that feeling, that knowledge of your existence somehow connected forever to mine binds is together, I'll take you however I get you." A memory from Hogwarts, of her words to him about living the life they chose instead of assuming they'd have to live a life apart, a life dictated by outside forces and he'd been right, his life and hers has been dictated by outside forces. It made her weak, forlorn to think that perhaps, if she'd tried harder, if she'd made him see that they were more, they had more between them even then than most, what a life they might've had. But thinking on this only made her annoyed with herself, she wouldn't have Rose, she wouldn't have Winnie, and she might've lost Severus completely if the Ministry hadn't been able to control him like they obviously intended to from the beginning.

"Let us rest, we have a rather momentous day tomorrow and we both need to sleep, come, rest with me." Spooning her, he draped a leg over hers and kissed her neck softly, running his fingers through her hair.

"Goodnight, sorry in advance if my dreams wake you." Turning to face him to a moment, she kissed his jaw softly then moved to her side, wishing that everything was normal.

Hours later when she woke, she felt his hand in hers, on his chest and then moving against him, she felt him stir, felt his hands traveling her again, his fingers searching across her and then resting for a moment lingering at her breast.

"Can I have you, my wife?" He breathed against her, his arms lifting and shifting until he was raised over her, nipping her neck as he did.

"Of course." Taking him in her hands she hoped this was beginning of things returning to normal, to how they'd been before the trials started, before Sophie and Percy had orchestrated over a year of shocks and deliberate pain, false memories and abuse.

"Merlin, I've missed this." She moaned as he removed her clothes, then his, their room glowing a bit from the stars and making it possible for her to see his face, his eyes reflecting his own pleasure and happiness in them finding each other, thankful it hadn't taken longer.

"I've not nearly had you enough in this life." He responded, casting a warming charm on the covers and kissing her knee, then inner-thigh, the soft flesh of her belly, a pert nipple and her mouth.

"I plan to have you as much as possible." She knew she'd never get enough of him, of his hands and flesh on hers, the weight of his body above and below hers, knowing that he loved her, cherished her even when things were unquestionably hard. Her attention remained completely on him, until a letter flew from floo and landed next to them, as Severus took her roughly, flipping her and bringing her taut against him until they both found release. He bit her shoulder lightly to steady himself and took the letter in hand, reading it twice before finally handing it to Hermione, her fears realized.

"Tonks and Kingsley? How did this happen?" Holding the letter, reading it several times herself, Hermione saw the words, 'Andromeda Tonks and Kingsley Shacklebolt were found together in an empty cell at the IWC, both poisoned by a yet unnamed poison, huddled in a corner.' It made her worry and wonder why they had been taken and why they'd been together at all. Had Kingsley been to comfort Andromeda, was he more involved than he'd let on?

"It's clear she wasn't a horcrux, just a terrible grandmother and hateful woman. As for Kingsley, well he was obviously far more involved than we thought. Whoever decided to kill them knew exactly when to strike, or perhaps they killed themselves." Taking the letter from her hand, he placed it on the end table and took her in his arms. It was clear she was deep in thought, trying to understand why Kingsley had been to see Andromeda Tonks at all, but it was clear that he'd had a soft spot for her, that their years together in the Order of the Phoenix made him want to save her, as Hermione had wanted to save so many around herself as well. But this, to die without a trial for Shackelbolt and the sentencing absent from Tonks, Hermione believed that Tonks would've received clemency for her actions and age, and would've died a painless death. Hermione wanted to know

"Let's have a bath." She hesitated only a moment then joined him, her body quite ready for the warm water and and his fingers, massaging her scalp. She rested against him for a while, happy he'd enlarged the tub for his long legs. When they finally went to bed in earnest, she wrapped her leg around him, pulled as close as she could and swore to herself she would never let him go because even a short misunderstanding hurt her more than she thought possible.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

The next morning, the press surrounded the hotel and courtrooms making both of them thankful for apparition and the floo network. They met the Weasleys at the courtroom door, sure that the magistrates would cancel the reading of the decision as they had with Carson MacNair, but Hermione secretly hoped they would at least show they were investigating the deaths of Kingsley and Andromeda, though it didn't seem too likely.

"Bill spoke with Minister Odell last night through the floo and she made it clear that the investigation is underway, Crawford has been moved again. Teddy will be released into our care and can decide where he would like to be for his last months at Hogwarts." Hermione listened as George spoke but thought it wasn't even a question that Teddy would stay with them.

"If he's keen on the idea he's more than welcome to stay with us. Severus, will you write Sinistra about this?" She touched his elbow and waited until he and Charlie were finished discussing the final paperwork.

"What did you say?" He questioned before turning completely away from Charlie and taking her hand in his.

"Teddy needs a guardian. Will you write to the headmistress and make sure he's prepared to make a decision before we pick the children up?" Severus nodded and went immediately to the post near the courtroom, sending a missive about Teddy before Hermione could blink and take his arm again, going into the courtroom and waiting patiently for the magistrates to come out and give their ruling. She didn't imagine she would attend Crawford's trial, so this would be that last one she had to attend unless she was somehow needed for he two assailants who had taken out the accused. Thinking for a moment about Percy, she worried he might be targeted as well, though he'd have no idea why. She thought perhaps she shouldn't care if Percy were hurt, especially after everything that had happened but something in her just didn't want more thing to happen, one more thing to keep them from moving on.

"The unexpected death of Andromeda Black Tonks has not changed the facts of the case. If she had not died of outside forces or of her own hand, she had chosen this punishment for herself. It stands that Mrs. Tonks admitted collusion in this scheme, the plan to steal magic, bring back the dead, the deaths of the Weasleys and Potters and showed no remorse for the taking of these lives, along with the unborn children of Madame Granger. She has left her estate to her grandson Edward Remus Lupin and to his guardians to administer until he is seventeen. The remainder of her estate is left in perpetuity to the children of Harry and Ginevra Potter, adopted by Hermione Granger and Severus Snape, as well as Charlotte and Winifred Granger-Weasley. As this is the final trial of the initial accomplices, the International Wizarding Court offers apologies and though this can never replace the people you've lost, we endeavor to set a precedent, to punish those who feel they are above the law, above the statutes of decency regarding magic. We covet your forgiveness and hope that this matter being settled will give your family peace." She's closed her eyes as the magistrate from India spoke, trying her best not to cry and think only of the relief that the end of the trials would bring. When the gavel hit the wood, her eyes flew open and saw the Weasleys hugging each other, pulling everyone in closely and saying silent thanks to still have each other.Confounded but certainly not surprised, Hermione wondered if the poison had been used to give them both an end they wanted, but it certainly made Shacklebolt look far guiltier than he had before. Perhaps he felt most guilty for trusting people in the Order who had been so clearly compromised, who had fooled even him when he had been such a gifted auror for his tenure at the Ministry. She wondered how long he'd known that former Death Eaters were really behind this scheme of bringing peace to the magical world; she just couldn't believe he had known anything about the evil at work until it was too late, until he was compromised so badly that he was trying to do damage control.

"Let's go to Hogwarts and visit the children." Bill remarked, kissing Fleur softly and apparating away. She heard the unspoken words, to talk to the people they'd lost, visit their graves. It took several stops before they made it to Hogwarts, but thankfully the children were waiting at the gates, even Lucy and Molly who Hermione never wanted left out. Scorpius had come down with Albus, from their family all four houses were represented.

"Rook, Professor Longbottom signed my forms so I can participate in the potions and herbology summer study. Professor Sinistra gave me my official robes, I packed them already." Severus shook James' hand then pulled him into a hug.

"I'm quite proud, I look forward to the trials we will do." James beamed up at Severus, reminding Hermione of the years Harry had coveted the same praise and was so thankful Severus had accepted the children and was trying his best to parent them.

"I'm so ready to see Lily and Winnie, I made them both new scarves." Hermione smiles as Rose held up the cerulean blue scarves and matching hats.

"When did you have the time?" They were soft and beautiful, Hermione immediately put them in her bag.

"Quidditch was cancelled until May because the pitch has to be rebuilt in the new stadium, so during study time I've been knitting and teaching Albus and Scorpius to knit as well, though I still haven't convinced Victoire or James to try." The extended Weasley family walked together to the graves as the twittered about, stories of life at Hogwarts until they finally made it, the names of their loved ones forcing them into the reality of all that had happened. Only Percy and Sophie still lived, even if they would never know or remember what had happened, lost to their families and old lives forever. Although it was almost impossible for Hermione to feel remorse for their punishments, she felt vengeful in moments worried somehow one or both would somehow get their memories or magic back and continue the evil they'd started. But, instead of harping on those thoughts, she instead took Severus' hand in hers, brought James, Rose, and Albus to her, holding all of them as tightly as she could. Bill spoke first, telling all those who hadn't been present the fates of Percy and Andromeda, even Kingsley, the only person left to judgement was Eugene Crawford. George and Charlie shared a few stories about their parents, then Rose, James, and Albus about their parents, making Hermione cry the tears she'd held in earlier. It felt a bit of relief to look at Ron's grave and know closure, to understand that things were settled, that hopefully there would be no other surprises or unanswered questions. She hoped, sincerely, that it would signal a shift, that it would the place that marked the beginning of a different life.

"Mynee, we need to get our trunks and Teddy's coming." Albus and Scorpius ran back into the castle while she watched Teddy move closer, solemn and severe he looked like his father, how she remembered Remus from her third year, after a full moon.

"I'm so sorry about your Nanny, Teddy." His arms were around her before she could blink.

"It's not your fault, I'm just thankful we can all move on. And I told Sinistra, I'm coming to Grimmauld Place, she has some forms you to sign before we leave and for the court. I turn seventeen in three weeks, so I know it's temporary, but still, thank you." Realizing he meant to have she and Severus as guardians, Hermione hugged him tightly again.

"It's not temporary in this family, Teddy, you will always be welcome with us, in our home, wherever we are. Come, let's get this paperwork signed and get everyone's things." She smiled knowingly to Severus as they all walked towards the castle, Hermione happy that Teddy would now have a safe place to go, to live and that he would be provided for all life. Perhaps he too would be able to move on, to have a happier life, do whatever he wanted after school instead of being bullied by his grandmother.

"Your cousins will be so happy to see you. Hyperion has talked nothing but about their cousin with the blue hair for days."

"Speaking of, I'll send a message to Lucius and he can bring the girls." Hermione wrote quickly on parchment and went to the floo near Sinistra's office, waiting until the headmistress was ready to see them. When the beautiful Astronomy Professor opened the door, Hermione and Severus walked through with Teddy.

"It's been so long, Severus, and Hermione, you both appear well." Hermione took her hand and took a seat across from her as Severus answers in kind, she'd taken over for him as head of Slytherin until Professor McGonagall retired and she became headmistress.

"I see, Mr. Lupin you've decided to choose Madame Granger and Mister Snape as your guardians. The Ministry has some forms that need to be filed and these as well, for Hogsmeade privileges." Hermione and Severus both took quills from Sinistra, signing the guardianship forms, temporary access to his vault to make sure he spent his funds wisely and that he used part of it to stay his career, there was also the business of the Order of Merlin funds and his grandmother's house to sell, the rest would be divided amongst James, Rose, Albus, Lily, and Winnie. They also signed his Hogsmeade form, his permission slip for quidditch, and made sure he had enough funds available for graduation robes. It was hard to believe graduation was just under six weeks away.

"The children came to meet with me the night before last, asking me if it was possible to allow them to stay in the room of requirement as a family. I hope you don't mind that I granted that request, all of them spent the night together last night. I realize this has been a trying time for your family and I hope that you will all find peace." Hermione had always loved Sinistra's hat, the glowing astronomical symbols and the way her eyes were golden, just like the stars. Although she'd given more homework than most of her professors, Hermione had always loved astronomy and the kindness she and her children had received from Professor Sinistra over the years.

"Also, congratulations to James, he will no doubt make you both proud." Hermione could feel her smile growing wider, thanking Merlin that James was maturing, happy on his role and taking steps towards his future. When she looked to Severus, she saw the same contented look, the same proud face as he reached to shake Sinistra's hand.

"Thank you, we are so proud of him. We hope he makes Hogwarts proud, as well." She replied as they all walked to the stairwell. Looking down, Hermione saw Rose and Albus with Scorpius and James waiting to leave, she saw Charlie and Billy on the fringe, talking quietly, though forcefully to each other, as though they were arguing.

"No doubt, he already has. I believe they are all waiting and we will see them returned next weekend." Hermione smiles towards the headmistress once more, then descended the stairs with Teddy and Severus.

"Make sure you get everything, okay? And meet us at the gates." She smoothed his hair and gave him a tight squeeze, watching him run off to his common room as she, Severus, Charlie, and Billy started moving kids out to the gates to help take them to Grimmauld Place. When everyone was finally there, they enjoyed a massive dinner together and planned their Easter meal at the Burrow with George and Angelina.

"Rook, here." Lily offered Severus the strawberry from her sundae and watched as he took it promptly.

"Did she say Rook?" Hermione asked, looking to Lily as though she was suddenly a teenager.

"Yes, this is the second time I've heard her pronounce the 'r' correctly." Severus pulled Lily onto his lap and helped her finish her sundae, causing instant jealousy from Winnie who was still in her magical chair. "Come, I have room for both of you." James helped move Winnie from her chair to Severus' lap, sitting with them to help, Rose soon joined and then Albus.

"Hold on!" Hermione jumped up and ran to her room to get the camera, she had to have the image of Severus surrounded by the kids and ice cream everywhere. When she returned, chocolate sauce had made its way to Winnie's hair and pineapple on her dress. Hermione took a few pictures and then of the rest of the family, finding that even Narcissa looked like she was enjoying herself sitting with Hyperion and Scorpius as Draco talked about his new job with Seamus and Severus. Though she wasn't expecting to get some of the pictures at all, she captured one of Lucius looking at Narcissa like she was the queen of the ball, and then the softest kiss, one so sweet she could barely look as though somehow she was taking the specialness from the moment.

Later when everyone was squared away in rooms, she and Charlie got the girls cleaned up and in pajamas, she wanted to ask about Billy but also didn't want to be intrusive. Luckily, Charlie had wanted to talk about it as well.

"He's been offered a training job in Argentina." Even though she tried to hide her expression, Hermione's face fell. "I know, trust me, I don't want to be that far away. I know we have all forms of travel, but what if you all really needed us?" She thought about it, brushing and braiding Lily's hair and came to the conclusion that she needed to assuage Charlie's fears.

"We will always need you surely, but we can travel and so can you. We can speak through the floo. It's not the end of the world, I promise. Billy loves you, he wants a family and you're his husband. I know you've been in Romania for a while, but maybe a change of scenery would be good." She didn't like the way Charlie frowned, how he looked so distraught as she had for months in fear she and Severus were growing apart.

"He doesn't want a family?" Hermione asked, kissing her girls, telling them she loved them, then charming the room before going through hers to the kitchen to have tea, Severus was trying to sleep when they went through so they walked quietly, both snickering for a second as Severus turned to glare at them.

"So?" Pouring their tea, she watched him. "You don't?"

"I just fear what kind of father I'll be, with my nieces and nephews it's easy, but, he wants more, our own children, our own house. It's terrifying." Blowing on her tea ad letting it cool, Hermione wondered why he was so afraid when he was clearly an excellent caregiver.

"Are you afraid the children are permanent?"

"No, I'm afraid I won't know what to do and so far away from you all, what if we fail and there's no one to help us? Mum is gone, he never had one, what if-" But he paused as Severus came through and sat next to Hermione, pouring his own tea.

"Take one of ours, we've six now." He joked, but then looked stern, pretending to fear retribution from his wife. "We all have fears of parenting."

"Don't you worry you'll do something wrong?" Charlie quipped, draining his tea in one gulp.

"You train dragons for a living and you are afraid of a child?" Severus stared Charlie down over the edge of his cup.

"A dragon doesn't grow up and lament to everyone he knows about his parents ruining its life."

"Do you speak dragon now?" Even Hermione has to laugh at that one, especially when Lucius walked through and poured himself the reminder of the tea.

"Scorpius and Alby keeping you awake?"

"Yes, they won't stop talking about quidditch. Draco made over, that boy." Raising her eyebrow, Hermione reached deeply into the top shelf of the China hutch and retrieved the firewhiskey she'd put there after the wedding.

"Anyone care for something stronger?" All three men held up their cups, she poured a decent amount and joined them, setting the bottle in the middle of the table.

"To Arthur and Molly." Lucius held up his glass

"To Ron." Charlie held up his.

"Harry and Ginny." Hermione downed hers and poured another, she said a silent toast to her two boys, hoping that someday she would be content with what she had an not miss those she'd lost.

"All parents have your fears, and if they say they don't, they're lying. I failed many times with Draco, but I wouldn't trade him for the world, not even when he was such a snot." Giggling, Hermione poured them all another, Taking Charlie's hand in hers.

"Don't be afraid."

"You say as an excellent mother." Charlie joked, crossing his arms like Severus.

"I have made plenty of mistakes and I'm sure I will make a million more, but I can't imagine not being a mum and I'm certainly not done." Raising her eyebrows towards Severus, she thought about how thoroughly she'd like to shag him.

"Not done, huh?" Severus watched as she stood, both a bit lightheaded from the quick succession of their drinks, and walked to his side, planting herself on his lap, her arms around his neck not caring at all for the other people in the room.

"Certainly not, and I need more practice, of course I haven't quite figured it out, surely."

"Get a room, Granger." She heard from the kitchen door where Draco had just come through.

"We will, soon enough." They stayed up a few hours more, drinking and telling stories, giving Charlie advice until Billy walked through, seeing his husband successfully quieted.

"Go for it, you deserve this happiness." Hermione whispered in Charlie's ear before leaving the kitchen with Severus, arm around his waist and she turned and winked back at them, low cat calls following them down the hallway and into their room. Severus immediately cast silencing charms, making sure the girls were still safely tucked away and for a moment, it reminded her of living at Grimmauld Place all those years before, with Ron and how quiet they tried to be. Now, she and Severus were being quiet, until she was sure the muffliato was in place.

"Want to start practicing?" She teased, taking her housecoat off slowly, shoulders first then the entire thing, using her wand to remove his.

"I'm keen for practice, in fact." All it took was one step towards her, closer and closer until Hermione lost all rational thought and gave into her baser urges, finding release and solace in him, no longer afraid she would lose him, no longer worried he'd fade away.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

Two mornings later, the Easter bunny visited the girls and older children, bringing them some necessaries like new gloves or the broom polish James had recommended for Rose, so all of them got broom polish kits and sweets, the girls needed proper shoes. Their Uncle George had sent special speckled eggs to hide all with special treats inside, including some of their new line which made the eater have certain powers, mild levitation abilities or metamorphmagus options like hair and facial features and even height, some were filled with decadent tastes from curry to outrageous flavors like biscuits and gravy from the States, scorpions and honey from China, or chili and chocolate from Mexico. Extensive travel had made his flavors and options far more vast and the rest of the Weasley clan was as able to enjoy the newest creations before the general population.

Hermione and Severus took tea in the garden while watching the older children helping Winnie and Lily find some of the eggs and treats, their bright green and yellow dresses blowing in the wind as they ran around, their tights bright, shoes squeaking from newness. Though she was quite enjoying having the children home, she was also enjoying having her husband around again, his relief and hers making both of their days easier. She looked forward to seeing what would happen with the new Minister for Magic, would she continue as a diplomat or find another profession? Join Severus, Seamus, and Draco in the task force with the MLE and work less frequently than before? She felt privileged to have options and she certainly didn't want to stop working, but she definitely didn't want to be away from the girls for long nor Severus.

"Mummy! Seb!" Winnie ran towards them, carrying a shiny golden egg and giving it to them.

"Oh my sweet girl, this is for you darling." But as soon as Hermione touched the egg, it hatched and exploded golden sparkles, a sort of fireworks celebration and then their names, Hermione and Severus, their wedding date and image in bright red and green, making them both smile.

"Your Uncle George is so creative." Severus couldn't help but be impressed with the magic George used to charm the eggs. As he started to add more to his statement, he watched the fireworks change, red and green, blue and gold, over and over until it finally fizzled out, when he thought about it there had been eight bursts, all different colours.

"Did you see that? What magic!" Hermione reaches for his hand, kissing his knuckles as she took his hand in hers, kissing them again.

"Was that you or her?" He asked, curious about the colours and numbers, they obviously represented he, Hermione, and the children, those they had and would have.

"I just touched the egg, I have no idea. He'll be here later when Healer Gibbons comes, so I'll ask him, but it might've been Winnie." Smiling sweetly between Hermione and Severus, Winnie clamoured up on Hermione's lap, snuggling into her arm as she had when she was a baby, curling as far in as she could before burying her face and sighing.

"Are you sleepy, my darling?" Hermione pulled her up and rested her on her shoulder, smoothing her curls from her eyes and wishing for a just a moment that she was still the tiny baby she'd been.

"Yes, sweepy." Kissing both of her cheeks, Hermione stood with her, setting her teacup down and going over to Lily who was also lazily lounging with Rose and beckoned them into the house. They had a few hours before Healer Gibbons and George and family would be there to have Easter dinner and see Winnie for therapy. Enlarging their beds, she lounged with them, relished in the feeling of their tiny hands in hers, until Lily accidentally kicked Winnie and the daydream of resting with the girls was gone. She left them to their nap, went to her own bed and lay down for a while before it was time to begin cooking the orange ham. She was thankful to have all of the children around for the week before sending them back to school and their dorms, until summer arrived and they would be together again for extended periods. It made her wonder how her parents, or any really, reckoned with the time they spent separately, their children so far away and growing while the world seemed to spin endlessly, the kids becoming different was so woven into their history, she had rarely questioned going off to school, to live for months on end in the vast expanse of Scotland, but now, with her own children growing rapidly, she wondered how she would continue to say goodbye to them as they grew, still not completely comfortable with the time they all spent separately.

Healer Gibbons came as Winnie was changed into softer clothes. She met him in the library, Winnie brought Soot with her and some other toys, blocks and a tiny toy wand Billy had given her for Easter.

"Have you noticed any new developments?" He asked, looking over his chart and dictoquil.

"Nothing out of the ordinary, more with my own powers than hers. Though, I have to say I have been strengthening my own mind so she will be less affected. I read the books, I've been meditating before bed but my dreams seem to be problematic and I know hers have been as well, though not as traumatic." Hermione watched as Healer Gibbons interacted with Winnie, they were clearly communicating through their minds; Winnie jumped up and ran to the healer, taking her tiny hands and grasping his, she watched as Winnie moved them around, forcing the healer to stand and move with her. Winnie took him to a row of books, the book about ancient families she'd borrowed from Lucius, then other books, ones about Grimmauld Place and the Black family, some concerning old magic and some history of the founding of Hogwarts. From what Hermione could tell, Winnie was showing her interest in history, the power she wanted to harness and understand which was impossible for one so small.

"You daughter has such a keen mind, she will go to Hogwarts far more prepared than most." His eyes sparkled towards her and she was reminded of her Papa Cooper and his gentle nature, before he'd died he had always held Hermione tightly and read to her, encouraged her education when her father's parents had always made it seem that an education was not the most important thing a girl needed. The Grangers had only visited a handful of times when Hermione was young; she often wondered how her father had come from such ruthless people.

"She has found solace in the end of the trials, she has seen something, though and I cannot surmise exactly what, her powers are still quite chaotic and intense. Perhaps with more work, it will make more sense. Now, for you, let me show you what I have discovered about the connection you and your husband have made." She sat with him for an hour or more as they combed through research he'd done, looking not only into the history of magical leaching that had been done by the LeStrange and Dolohov families but also into the effects of magic that was taken, what happened to the force of magic when that person died, and then into the actual bond that she and Severus had made. It was clear, as far as Healer Gibbons was concerned, that their bond made it possible to share magic, to share knowledge, to tap into things one or other wouldn't know. It was how she was able to heal him, for him to heal her, and it had started quite simply because they both descended from those with empathic powers, their souls finding similarities with the other and that being strong enough to develop a bond, something that was not inherently about coupledom. It was about healing, about magical prestige; it was one soul recognizing a partner in the other, that had developed into a love bond much later, when it was clear they were compatible.

"Your daughter and I spoke about her Uncle Percy. She seemed concerned that he was in pain, but I have assured her that he is not. She can sense him, what is left of the Percy he was before they took his magic and memory. Her family must think of him often when they are around her because she sense it, though now she understands why they seem so conflicted." Hermione poured them tea from the service that appeared, courtesy of Severus she was sure.

"I am hoping with this behind us, we will be able to focus on more positive aspects of our family, move on from the terror of this year, her whole life."

"We will meet in two weeks, if that is agreeable." Hermione nodded and watched as he beckoned Winnie to his side, closing his eyes as he wandlessly put a protective spell on her and promised he would be back in two weeks.

"Continue to practice with her, as I can see you have and read this." He handed Hermione a book on ancient runes with information about protective runes and healing spells, to calm the powers that seemed to grow and change as Winnie did, her magic manifesting before birth made things quite different than anything she'd experienced with Rose, the boys, or even Lily.

"Thank you." Scooping Winnie up, she sent the tea service back to the kitchen and carried Winnie to the garden where Charlie and George were playing with Fred, Roxanne, and the other children.

"Do you think Teddy is sweet on Victoire?" Billy asked as he watched his husband and nephew and nieces played, it seemed they were trying to get a small quidditch pitch built.

"For sure, he's liked her for years, though I don't think Bill and Fleur know this." Victoire was a year younger than Teddy and a Gryffindor, but she and Teddy were often together, Rose had even said something about it in one of her letters, how she had seen Teddy and Victoire in Florean Fortescue's ice cream parlor and wondered if they were dating. Though Hermione had dismissed it for a bit of jealousy on Rose's part because she knew that secretly there was a bit of a crush there as well, Hermione looked upon it with new eyes and saw Teddy smiling at Victroir, wondering if perhaps she needed to have a conversation with him.

"We've talked on it." Severus whispered, taking Winnie from her arms and holding her tight. "You will not date until you're thirty, Winifred or never if I have my way." He twirled one of her curls around his finger.

"And what did he say?"

"They are dating but he understands that she still had a year in school and that he will be away in training, that they need to be sensible and smart about this and that he needs to ask Bill for permission to date her officially or he will lose honor." Hermione smirked at him. "What? I asked your father to date you, court you as it were, and he told me he had no power to tell his 'Hermione' no."

"And when was this?" Hermione reached over, patting Winnie's back as she fell asleep again, her mind obviously tired from the afternoon with the healer and the excitement of the day. Severus took her hand in his then turned his attention back to her.

"It was before you left for York, at Christmas. I told him that when you were ready, healed and emotionally prepared to accept the death of your husband, that I would like the privilege to court you. Trust me when I say he was none too pleased, he seemed rather put off of the idea, honestly. I thought he might punch me, but your mother talked him down, made it clear that I was willing to wait for a very long time." Hermione's eyes grew large as he spoke, trying to remember that first Christmas with any clarity, wondering exactly what had gone through Severus' mind when he considered it a good plan to ask her father to court her so soon after her husband had died. She also thought for a moment about seeing him with the apparent Virginia Davies, how he'd gone to her even though he'd asked her father to court her. Sure they weren't together, it had been three months since Ron died that Christmas, but still. The more she thought on it, the more she wished that Sophie Michaels had never sought Severus out polyjuiced as Virginia Davies, that Hermione hadn't seen them in that restaurant and now that he hadn't told her he'd asked her father so early to date her. But, as with everything, she just tucked it away on her mind, in a book she wouldn't take out again unless she had to. It also reminded her of the Moulin Rouge, how he'd yelled at her that if he hadn't wanted to be seen, he wouldn't have been. Had he wanted Hermione to see he and Virginia Davies at the restaurant? Surely, his orders from Shacklebolt, the discovery of the LeStranges, all of that had been to root out who was behind this scheme.

"I realize it was hasty, but I knew that I didn't want to waste a moment once you were ready and I certainly didn't want to lose you to another man if I could help it." They watched the older children fly, their uncles and aunts stopping goals and giving them tips as they played.

"He sent you to find the LeStranges in October, but he knew exactly where they were, right? He knew someone was impersonating you, Virginia Davies, and that when the trials for the LeStranges happened, he thought it was finished." Hermione thought aloud, trying to make sense of Kingsley involvement.

"Yes, he knew exactly where to find them, though he couldn't understand why they were dangling themselves so obviously in front of us. He hoped it was only their involvement, that they were the only former Death Eaters to be involved at all, but that wasn't the case and it became ever so clear after the trials were over. He knew he needed to step down and didn't, hoping that by remaining he was protecting us and could discover the plot. He had no idea how much further it all went, I searched his mind frequently and found only remorse and anger over being fooled by those he trusted, like Percy and Andromeda, and the strain pushed him to madness." His candor was surprisingly open, his words echoing those she believed to be true as well.

"He was innocent to a point, but then he wasn't, and when Eugene Crawford became the Minister, he spent his time trying to undo this mess, the web of deceit spun far too fast for him. It's the only reason I can find for him to have poisoned himself at the end." Trying to keep her mind from spiraling, she thought of her parents and children, how they'd been in York, how her father had tried to help her daily understand the life she built could not be taken so easily, that her loss was one to mourn but that if she mourned forever, she would lose the light of those who were still alive.

"Mum and Dad will be here soon, I should get the children cleaned up. Mum has some treats for the children and a delicious dessert for us, I believe she said something about banofee pie." Looking across the small field George had created, Hermione saw Lily jump down from Lucius' arms and run to her.

"Mummy!" Taking her strawberry girl into the house with her, Hermione heard her parents arrive, dragging a very happy Luna Lovegood Scamander, her husband and boys in behind them.

"We have a surprise!" Martin Granger called out, his arms full with Luna and family behind them, then Seamus, Lavender and their two girls.

"Seamus!" Hermione ran to him, hugging him tightly with Lily smooshed between them.

"I'm so glad you decided to come." When they all made it to the garden, Severus and Lucius had transfigured more tables and chairs, making the space easy for the guests. Hermione, after handing Lily off to Angelina, and Jane brought out the orange hams and sides, the roasted potatoes and peas, candies carrots and warm bread.

"I won't be too long-winded about this, I just want to say how thankful I am for all of you, for this time we have together, and for those we've lost. Tuck in." Hermione raised her glass to the table, toasting all of them, then sitting as they filled their plates, the sound of clinking and clanking like music to her ears. It was what Harry had always wanted, a house and table full, enough people to fill every room and a family made of those who loved each other not just blood. As they ate, she listened to their stories, remembered she'd forgotten to ask Healer Gibbons about the magic from the Easter egg, if it had been a fluke or if Winnie had made magic of their wishes and dreams regarding a family. Hermione, for one, wanted at least one more child with Severus, more if he was willing. There was something in her, something that wanted to surround herself with the love and responsibility of children, to raise honest and hardworking people who cared for others and themselves without malice or prejudice. She felt wholeheartedly that Severus deserved a biological heir, but knew he would be happy with the brood they'd come to have. Now that the threat of losing more family members to magical maniacs seemed to be settled, she felt open again to the idea of having a child, she certainly had more years before it was dangerous to try and carry a child to term, but their twenty-year age different made her worry Severus would eventually feel too old to be a new father, so she did some calculations in her mind and thought that perhaps by her birthday she would like to be with child again or at least by their wedding anniversary, with the same fears and excitement that came with all of her pregnancies, she felt her entire face beam, as though light were projecting from it, her expression varied from shock, happiness, fear, and worry, those microcosms battling endlessly.

"Heavy thoughts?" Severus asked, leaning over towards her and Winnie, both Granger girls grinning though Hermione's facial expression shifted many times before she answered.

"Not so heavy, actually, quite light and fantastical." She just couldn't let her mind or heart dwell on what she would never be able to control, even if some of her powers came back, she would never be able to alter the future and certainly as she and her family had survived so much already, they would survive more if it came to pass.

"More practicing?" He asked, brow peaked and lip snarled.

"Yes, I have so much more to learn." Whispering in reply, resting her head on his shoulder and breathed him in, the musk and bergamot, sandalwood and eucalyptus; she would never tire of the smell.

SSHGSSHGSS

( _Hermione is pregnant with Winnie)_

 _The morning started as most of the others recently had, Hermione rolled her legs over the side of the bed, stretched, and popped her knuckles, running a hand across her abdomen where she noticed the tingles, the fluttering of a tiny human. Although she'd known about the pregnancy for months, it still surprised her each day when she woke and found the pudgy tummy, the pressure on her bladder, and the tingles of new life. Going about her routine, she walked over to Rose's room and knocked, hearing her daughter rummaging around for clothes and putting her bag together to go to the Ministry and spend the night afterwards with her Granny and Poppy._

 _"Rose, don't forget to take your trainers Roxanne and Fred told me to remind you." Hermione brushed her teeth and took a quick shower, drying off almost instantly with a spell and threw on kickers, her bra, stockings and her robes, throwing her hair in a bun and meeting Rose at the bottom of the stairs. Ron had already left, evidenced by the plates and pans in the kitchen, she would remind him about those later instead she sued a spell to put them in the dishwasher, and let it go. She remembered suddenly that he wouldn't be home either, some trip with George for new suppliers at the store._

 _In a flash, they arrived at the ministry and made their way to her offices. Snape and Seamus were going over briefings they came through with tea and egg and bacon sandwiches from the trolley, Hermione had finally gotten to the point where she could eat them again._

 _"What's on the docket today?" She asked, giving everyone their breakfast and sending Rose to the office for more parchment and the Valley file._

 _"We need to file these two before lunch and interview Dominic Valley, you have a meeting with Kingsley at four, but he might have to rearrange if Dean Thomas' wife has their son today." Hermione smiled, absentmindedly rubbing her stomach as she did, signing the paperwork and sending the files back to her office._

 _"Eat, I'll walk these downstairs. I need the exercise before I get too pudgy, right Snape?" It was one comment, several weeks before the day after Ron had slipped to Severus that they were expecting. Though she'd only carried one child to term, her body knew how to be pregnant, shaped itself so easily into the mold and when the newest Granger-Weasley started to show, it happened overnight. He hadn't meant to offend her, but Hermione couldn't help being sensitive about her body, about how much she changed when expecting, especially with all her insecurities that already existed about her body._

 _"I say one thing-"_

 _"It was more than one thing and has been, you-" but Rose came back into the room and took her mother's hand, leading her into the office for a moment._

 _"Mummy, you know better than to bait him, he always gets under your skin." Hermione pursed her lips and fumed for a moment, then took a deep breath._

 _"Come, let's go to file this work and we can visit Poppy." Grabbing the files, Hermione and Rose exited her office, took the files from the table and walked to the proper departments. It felt quite bureaucratic, but Hermione liked when Rose accompanied her to the office, she felt it a good practice for Rose to see both of her parents work and also how their government worked. On the way back from Arthur's office, Hermione saw Draco in the commissary and stopped in, Severus and Seamus joined them later, talking only of law until Seamus foolishly asked about Astoria and Hyperion. Hermione knew he was grieving, though the dragon pox had yet to take his wife and youngest son, she could tell he was heartbroken._

 _"Please owl, we can help however you need." But she could tell he wouldn't, that he was foundering and didn't know how to ask for help._

 _"Rose, Poppy wanted some treacle pie if they had some, will you take this to him and I'll bring your bag? You Granny will be here shortly." Rose hugged her and shook Severus' hand, then took the pie to the lifts and her grandfather._

 _" Molly and Arthur are crazy, they are having all of the grandchildren over this weekend." All three men looked stunned but said nothing._

 _"Well, I'll see you upstairs." Hermione turned, felt an odd sensation in her abdomen, a fluttering but something different. She cramped a bit, she thought, then tried to take deep breaths, terrified she was losing another child, she barely made it to the lifts before she stepped in, slipped to the floor and felt herself begin to cry. The pain came again, jostling her insides until she felt arms around her, consoling her and trying to get her attention._

 _"Granger:.. Hermione, what happened?" Amber eyes met onyx, hers with tears and his full of worry until the pain changed, it was something new, different. As though he read her mind, he put his hand on her abdomen and applied a bit of pressure, feeling what she felt, the baby moving._

 _"Your child is kicking."_

 _"I thought I was losing her." She put her hand over his, and closed her eyes, understanding the joint pain and the pressure of the kicks, her baby was still growing, the pain was not the baby._

 _"Her?" He queried, helping Hermione stand though it still felt extremely odd to her._

 _"Yes, this one is a girl, another sweet, messy Granger-Weasley to torture you with ginger and chocolate biscuits and chess and get curly red hair all over your robes." She took his hand and placed it on her abdomen again as the baby kicked, this time he felt it, too, neither knowing it was far too early for him to be able to feel the baby kicking, that it was the baby itself trying to get his attention._

 _"And does this girl have a name?"_

 _"Winnie, well Winifred Ruby, but we'll call her Winnie." They both felt her kick again, double kick, and Hermione reveled in Severus' expression._

 _"Don't like it?" She asked sheepishly, stepping back as another cramp in her ligaments hit._

 _"A bit old fashioned, and what is it with you and Weasley naming your children one thing and calling them another? Name her Winnie if you're calling her Winnie, or Charlotte for that matter." Pretending to be truly offended, Hermione rolled her eyes and huffed, then grinned at him._

 _"Don't fancy a nickname? You'll understand when you have your own children, Severus, all eight of them with freckles and black hair, not one of them going by their given name." She joked, but the look on his face pained her more than the ligament pain; he looked terribly melancholy, almost as he had years before when he was ill in the infirmary. What had she said wrong?_

 _"Fine, seven kids because you seem to like an odd number." Elbowing him slightly, he didn't lose his sad face until the lift door opened and Rose was there._

 _"Mum, Poppy needs your old mobile to test. He sent me for that and my bag." Bright eyes and freckles looked between them and for a moment, Hermione wondered why Severus never had married nor had children of his own. Watching him with Rose as they exited the lift, Hermione saw obvious regret and almost jealousy. Did he wish Rose was his?_

 _"Here darling. Behave and call me through the floo unless Poppy gets this working." She handed her daughter the old phone and hugged her tightly, catching Severus' eye as she did, wishing she could read his mind._

 _"I love you."_

 _"Love you more, Mum. Bye, Mr. Severus, chess next week?" All eleven years old, Rose was less intimidated by him than most adults and devoted to him, as well._

 _"Of course, Monday at noon, don't be late." She feigned a salute and ran off to the lifts, waving to them before blowing her mum a kiss._

 _"Thank you." She squeezed his arm and went into her office, rubbing her belly again, saying silent prayers that this baby wouldn't be taken._

 _"You really needn't thank me." He snapped, bringing her from her reverie._

 _"Why?" But he turned and left, not saying another word. Left to ponder another mystery, Hermione didn't dwell on it, only a moment more she thought on him, the face he'd made when she mentioned his own children, and her own regrets, that she'd ever let him push her from Hogwarts, from his labs, from his rooms. Rose would be his, she'd have darker hair but her coloring would be the same. Those thoughts frightened her and the guilt filled her, making her fear explode, leaking from her like a disease._

 _"Let's go, Granger." Seamus peaked his head in and found her staring off into nothingness, forlorn as Snape had been._

 _"Granger?" Seamus asked again, but she stared off, still, into the design of her wallpaper, running her hand across her abdomen and saying nothing. He left her there and went to Snape, but both seemed to be acting quite odd. It took over an hour before either moved from their office and even then, neither were able to recall exactly what they'd been thinking on, both lost in thoughts of the year after the war and how differently like might've been. When she saw him again, his face was blank, his eyes vapid but Hermione could still sense the morose feeling. Winnie chose that moment to kick again, forcing Hermione to smile._

 _"Why not choose a name like my Cathleen or Briana? They're both fine names. Or why not honoring your mum, Jane, right?" Hermione rolled her eyes._

 _"We aren't changing her name now and certainly not after your daughters, Seamus. Lav got both of those names from Eastenders. Besides, Ruby is for Hagrid and Winifred is my aunt's name, she died before I was born and my mum adored her. And Rose is named after Charlie, who is her godfather, one Charlie is enough for any family."_

 _"No need to get riled up, but it does seem awfully old-fashioned." Hermione grabbed the next briefs and thumbed through them, looking over the Travers case again, then signing the Dwalin case._

 _"I'll make sure she knows that you feel that way." Hermione snapped playfully._

 _"Looks as though she agrees with me." Hermione looked down at her hand, moving from the kicks of the tiny feet._

 _"Or maybe she wants you to be quiet so she can rest." Rubbing it lightly again, she looked past Seamus towards Severus, he looked less severe but still morose._

 _"Let's get this finished, gentlemen, there's a pint of butterscotch ice cream in my icebox and an empty house waiting for me." He questioned her with his eyes but said no words. When they left hours later, Severus followed her home, waited across the street for a few hours realizing that Weasley was gone, remained gone for the weekend. Moments of weakness made him wish to join her, to spend time with her unfettered, but instead he watched, he waited, he protected Hermione and Winnie, who'd shown him a glimpse of something, a spark, hope that someday she would be his._


	22. Chapter 22

**AN: Only a chapter or two more, unless I rewrite the conclusion again which has happened twice already. I won't even begin to explain what the last two months, really year has been like writing and finishing this story, editing it (poorly) and reading as much as I can. One divorce later and the most hectic semester of my career over, I am finally feeling creative again. There is a bit of closure and optimism for the future there will definitely be some grotesque, romantic fluff at the end, fair warning. My other warnings appt, details of death and angst. Thank you so much for reading and responding, and being patient.**

Hermione heard they had buried Antonin Dolohov and Carson MacNair in public graves, but Andromeda Tonks and Kingsley Shacklebolt were buried privately in the Ministry graveyard. Shacklebolt's family had petitioned the Ministry to have him buried at Hogwarts, but based upon his connection to what they were calling the Dolohov Ring, their petitions were denied. Although there was an investigation into the deaths of Tonks and Kingsley, it didn't bring much relief to those who had suffered for years under the scheme, when the two assailants who had killed Carson MacNair and then Tonks and Shacklebolt, were sent to Azkaban. It was a punishment that made little sense to Hermione when Percy and Sophie lived, even if their memories and magic had been taken.

It was when Eugene Crawford was finally put on trial that it was clear how much involvement the Ministry had had, even if on some levels the ministers and bureaucrats were trying to gain information. The whole situation made Hermione wish she'd never worked for the Ministry at all, that her sassy remark to Scrimgeour all those years ago had remained true. It left her a bit listless, wondering how she would go about another job, still feeling compelled to help those in need. One weekend she and Severus packed up the flat in Dublin and brought everything back to London, she was sure she could no longer be a diplomat, representing a government she felt she couldn't trust, though leaving Dublin hadn't been easy. Although she hadn't really spent much time in the flat, it was where the boys had first made her feel like she could really be their second mother, where Lily first walked, where she'd decided she would never let Severus push her away again, but she knew it was just a flat. They would be making more memories and living more life at Grimmauld Place.

The week of Easter break she spent with the children gave her the much needed break and time she needed; time with the kids, her friends, and Severus to reconnect and repair. She hated how much the trials, really everything since the accident, had made her question her choices and the people around her, including her own family, her husband and friends. Not once since smoothing things over with Draco at Oxford had she suspected him and the thought that he might've botched their attempted killing of Dolohov made her feel extremely guilty. It was clear she needed to see the therapy healer again, if even just to express all the things consuming her mind, especially if any of it could affect Winnie. She scheduled an appointment in York to see the therapist she'd visited after the Moulin Rouge incident and another for Winnie with Healer Gibbons. She hoped the strength of her shields was still improving and any lingering guilt, doubt, shame she felt about the accident and trials wasn't poisoning her sweet daughter.

She met with her own therapist a few times to catch up, express some of her feelings regarding the tragic fate of many of the people connected to the Dolohov Ring, and also the remaining guilt of surviving, the fears she held in trusting her husband and friends, the worry she carried in her gut. She knew it would take many visits before she began to work through some of the more emotional parts, the loss of two children for a ritual that never came to fruition and knowing that there was nothing physically wrong with her body still didn't remove the terror she felt when she thought of getting pregnant and possibly losing another child. Part of her so desperately wanted another child, her and Severus' child, but another part of her was so afraid that she would fail that she couldn't contain her sadness in front of the therapist; all of her careful library building, shelving books until she kept the majority of her emotions contained and safe from causing Winnie any trouble, burst, exploded like the book Hagrid had given them for Care of Magical Creatures. Being with the therapist, however, made Hermione work through the emotions of loss and fear, of learning to trust herself as much as her husband and children, to find peace with the years proceeding and to understand that none of it was her fault, that she couldn't have saved Harry and Ron, Ginny, or Arthur and Molly even if she had been in the van that day. She still hadn't read the letter from Percy, it was sitting in a drawer in the library and even though she knew what is most likely said, she just couldn't bring herself to open it.

Healer Gibbons met Hermione and Winnie at the Ministry after the kids were dropped off at King's Cross station and had another visit to see if Hermione was having luck working with Winnie on putting her mind into categories, like Hermione had as a child, and creating a library or something similar to help her compartmentalize and understand her experiences versus visions. Although Winnie's vocabulary was becoming more vast, she still communicated best with images and scenarios of what she wanted to say or had experienced. It was always fascinating to see into her mind, to watch the images that Winnie thought were important and how they appeared in succession.

"Her mind is improving, but there is still much to do. Here is another text I have found about children like Winnie with mothers who are also empaths. It would do you both good, I think." Hermione took the book, immediately feeling an electric pulse and looked to him, noting he also seemed surprised.

"Interesting, Madame Granger, we have not been working together very long, but your magic still surprises me. It must overwhelm you sometimes." She hadn't felt such a surge in a while, the pulsing electricity of elemental magic made her feel powerful in a way she couldn't describe, and yet it set her apart, again, never quite belonging to either world.

"Sometimes I wonder what my life would've been like had Dolohov found me when I was younger, if he'd taken all of my magic as he did my mother, but that's for therapy." She smiled softly at him, thankful for the patience he showed to she and Winnie and how it seemed as though he understood her even when she felt a bit crazy.

"You have experienced a great deal in this life, Madame Granger, it would make anyone question how things might be different had one or two things changed. As your daughter grows, she will have questions and frustrations that may push you further into the abyss of what ifs, but she will also give you great comfort." He'd reached into her mind, showed Hermione a glimpse of she and Winnie years in the future, they were drinking tea, eating chocolate biscuits, Winnie had a beautiful engagement ring and it was obvious they were both content. It didn't matter to Hermione if the vision he showed was real, but that it was a possibility made her smile.

"I would ask that you invite Master Snape to our next session. Winifred has shown me how important he is to her and how hard he's trying to help her through legilimency and occlumency, I would like to test her mental acuity again with his presence. Also, do not be alarmed that she is still seeing Percy in her mind and searching for him, sensing him. Even with obliviation a person's essence is never completely gone. He is of no consequence, he will never hurt you or your family again; it is just that they are blood related, but his essence will fade over time." Hermione nodded and looked to Winnie, who had brightened with the mention of her Seb's name. It eased her mind to know that Percy would not be able to hurt them, in any way.

"Of course, thank you." Gathering up Winnie and her books, safely stored in her beaded bag, Hermione left Healer Gibbons' office and returned home to Grimmauld Place, finding Lucius with Lily in the nursery, she readied Winnie for a nap as well. When they were finally asleep, she and Lucius slipped out and sat in garden with warm tea and sandwiches Kreacher had made before she left for the Ministry. She didn't say anything for a while, just thought deeply on the trials and the loss of her family, how even someone like Kingsley could get wrangled into something so deplorable. Her mind flitted between the seemingly random assailants who'd killed MacNair, Tonks, and Shacklebolt, and then the fate of Percy. None of it made sense.

"You're thinking far too hard over there, dove." Her eyes snapped to his and she let her face relax; it still surprised her sometimes how different her relationship with Lucius was since school, how different a person he was.

"Just trying to figure it all out and I can't." The wind picked up a bit and made both of them shiver; Hermione dipped her quill in ink and made a list, connecting what she knew about the assaillants, the Dolohov ring, and what felt like an inequitable end, justice undignified when the dementors were rarely used for executions since the second war and some were sentenced to death and others, like Percy and Sophie had their lives taken in a different way.

"It seems there's no rhyme or reason to the outcome."

"There has never been a good reason for what most of the Death Eaters did, myself included my dear, so finding reason and logic in this will prove a fruitless task, it's unfortunate but true." Listening to his words, looking into his eyes, Hermione felt something snap into place: a former Death Eater had done this, had killed MacNair, Shacklebolt, and Tonks, had helped orchestrate the suicide of Dolohov, and would probably take Crawford out as well. A former Death Eater would want revenge against those like Kingsley and Tonks who were against the 'cause' and want a swift death for those they viewed as part of the fraternity of Death Eaters. Or, she was completely wrong, and perhaps the men who had been taken as the culprits were simply vigilantes who sought justice. A third theory, however, formed in her mind so quickly and heinously she almost lost her breath; had Severus and Lucius been involved more clearly than she'd thought? Had they sought to take out their former brothers in arms to finally end all the worry? Had Severus brewed the potion that had given Dolohov, Tonks, and Shacklebolt and end?

"Hermione?" Lucius' saying her name broke her train of thought for a moment, bringing back to the garden, to tea and sandwiches with Lucius.

"I thought Dolohov was dead, he wasn't. I thought the remaining Death Eaters had been at least questioned and either imprisoned or exonerated. I was wrong, I know that now, so are you trying to imply I should just let it go?" In her mind, for one moment, she let the thought of Lucius and Severus working together to destroy all those connected to the Dolohov Ring marinate and take hold, but she shoved the thought deeply in a book, on the highest shelf she could muster and let it go, even if they had done this, she didn't want to know. If Lucius and Severus had been involved somehow in the swift justice, she didn't want to know at all.

Though, as she burned the parchment she'd been making connections on and put the lid on her ink, she wished that the black and white world she'd known as a young person still existed, everything she experienced since going to Hogwarts seemed to vascillate between shades of grey, starting with a troll and a lie to her professors to finally have friends. It seemed the magical world, all worlds, were not governed by laws that applied to everyone, with the right power or by knowing the right people, there were no limits to what one could away with. She wondered if killing was justified if it meant giving closure to someone else or mercy; and that thought made things worse, she knew Severus had killed Dumbledore to save Draco, to cement his role as a Death Eater and spy, to give Dumbledore a merciful death.

"I am not implying that you should let it go, only that it's a rabbit hole and will bring you no comfort." When he reached for her hand, she gave it freely. Perhaps he was right and so was Severus, from those months before when things had happened with Percy that they'd have to move on somehow to save themselves and their family. Even if Lucius and/or Severus were involved, even if they were the ones who dispatched of MacNair, Tonks, and Shacklebolt, it didn't change the fact that her family could move on, that those lost finally had some solace.

"I can see a plan forming and I must implore you, this time it truly isn't worth it." Lucius' words cut through her thoughts again.

"This isn't like the Moulin Rouge, I'm not-"

"You're exactly right, my dear, you're not going to do anything because you don't have to. All you have to do now is live." There was a warning in his voice, that fatherly tone that made her want to push further, her natural inclination to rebel, but instead she took a deep breath, put her thoughts in a separate book, writing them on the parchment and slamming the book, making the binding cover the entire book, so the pages could not be opened easily.

"I do hate the feeling that there are so many loose ends, but I suppose life is just a series of loose ends that either get sewn together or cut away." With one last bite she finished her sandwich and tea, sent the service back into the house and took another deep breath.

"You know, I think we should vacation somewhere new this summer, all the children, Draco of course and his boys, you and Narcissa, and my parents, if it's possible. I think we all need something to look forward to, a break."

"Now you are speaking my language. Let us retreat to the fire and start planning; I believe Narcissa has a few of those travel orbs where you can experience part of the resort to get an idea of the place before spending gobs of money." Hermione couldn't help but smile at him, he seemed far happier than she'd ever seen him and it still confounded her often that she had a relationship with him that so reminded her of a more outspoken version of her father. It certainly helped that he and Severus got along so well, even though there seemed to be tension that pulled them together and apart, making them quarrel like brothers when whatever they were arguing about was typically something solved by both thinking logically.

"You go ahead and I'll get more tea." Smiling again, Hermione let him walk through, she stared out the window to the garden and wondered if she could really let it all go, the worry and fear that she would never know the true outcome of it all, then remembered she had a letter from Percy she still hadn't read. Taking tea into the sitting room, she sat softly next to Lucius who had flooed to Cherrybrooke and returned, dusting off his robes and holding a bag that look eerily like her own, and then she smiled, genuinely as they looked through the possible locations for a trip. Before they could settle on a location, Lily and Winnie ran from the nursery and brought Soot and Midnight along, chasing them in their once a day serious playtime. The kittens were typically reserved, which had startled Hermione at first because they seemed so unlike any other cat she'd had, aside from Crookshanks who'd been old when she'd gotten him.

"Did you have a good nap?" She asked them both, their faces beaming as Lucius reached for Winnie, who allowed him to tuck her in his arm, then Lily.

"Yes, Mummy." Hermione could only smile as her girls were tickled and hugged by Lucius, something that wouldn't have happened years before.

"Rook?" Lily heard the fireplace roar and jumped down, running to the fireplace in the library, an odd entrance for Severus so Hermione wasn't surprised when Draco and Hyperion appeared and not her husband.

"That's one disappointed little girl." Draco remarked as he nodded to his father and watched as Hyperion and Winnie chased Midnight around the room.

"She loves him, bless her." Lucius quipped, as Severus appeared at the front door, opening it slowly and waiting as the charge of two little girls found him.

"Who knew I'd have the adoration of such beautiful Granger women?" He stood in the door frame, an imposing figure in all black, his color better than it had ever been when he'd been her professor and his proportions certainly better filled out, he appeared far more human to her suddenly. Without pause, she hugged him, and tried not to think of all the questions she still had and worries. Storing them away for the moment, she took in his smell, eucalyptus, sandalwood, cinnamon, and a hint of something else which eluded her; tickling her senses she felt her heart thudding, her mind swirling with the memories of falling for him, of their bond speaking across boundaries she hadn't understood and then it just felt okay, all her questions seemed unimportant in comparison to the way she felt in his arms.

"Let's have curry for dinner, come." Kissing her cheek for a moment, they both took a hand of the girls and waited for the Malfoys, they walked to a quiet little restaurant where they felt confident enough to hide. The girls ate rice and were beginning to use chopsticks better than Hermione felt she had at twice their age. They talked shop for a while, she missed MLE the longer they spoke and she wondered if perhaps she should return to law enforcement, a different office of course. She noticed Draco seemed particularly down once talk moved to the kids at Hogwarts, she wondered if Scorpius was perhaps not doing well, but felt that Albus would've written, surely.

"We're going for quidditch, do you want me to speak with Scorpius?" She asked quietly as Lucius and Severus talked about the vacation Lucius and Hermione had started planning.

"He's angry with me, but it will pass."

"Can we help?" His icy blue eyes met hers for a moment and she saw hurt she recognized so well.

"I visited him two weeks ago and he expressed that he wanted to visit Astoria's parents when term is out, I didn't have the heart to tell him that they refuse to see him." Shocked, Hermione tried her best not to yell but she simply couldn't imagine why the Greengrass' would deny their grandsons.

"What?" Lucius was in on the conversation now, though it didn't make Draco want to explain anymore than he had seconds before.

"They have asked that I not invite Scorpius to his traditional stay, but that Hyperion was welcome." Draco had waited until Severus had walked with Hyperion and the girls to get extra napkins and takeaway boxes.

"Why?" Hermione was almost in tears, the day had been an emotional rollercoaster.

"Because Scorpius looks like us, a Malfoy and Hyperion looks more like Astoria, he always has. They blame me for her death, as though we didn't try everything!" Taking a deep breath, she placed a hand over Draco's, she wishing more than anything that she could give him Astoria back.

"Please, don't say anything to the boys, I will think of something when the time comes." They both nodded as Severus returned with the children, they stuffed the takeaway boxes and walked back to Grimmauld Place.

"Anyone up for a film? I'll make popcorn." Hermione asked, opening the door with magic before pulling Lily into her arms. "Come, it'll be fun." Hermione went the girls with Severus to change into pajamas, popped popcorn for all of them, then changed into her pajamas and took blankets from the cedar chest into the sitting room.

"I know it's not Christmas, but this one is sure to make you laugh." Handing out the paper bags of popcorn, she had to laugh as Lucius look d horrified, he'd only participated in movie night a few times, but she knew he'd do anything for his son and grandson, so he couldn't back out.

"Snuggle with me." Hermione curled into Severus' arm, Winnie climbed up to them and brought Pink and her blanket with her, resting against Hermione as a funny elf travelled to New York. Every now and then she stole glances at Severus who looked about as uncomfortable as Lucius, but she noticed Draco and Hyperion laughing, Lily slept soon into the film wrapped in Lucius' arms, her fingers curled into his growing hair. Eventually they were all sleepy, hazily moving to bedrooms and falling into sleep. She dreamt of Rose being small, of Harry and Ginny announcing they were going to have Albus and how happy they'd all been. When she woke the next morning, Severus was curled around her, breathing lightly on her neck so she waited, rested against him and tried not to think about everything that continued to weigh so heavily on her mind.

Over breakfast Lucius and Hermione broached the subject of their proposed vacation when the students of Hogwarts were released and it was surprisingly well received by Severus and Draco, and Lucius knew that Narcissa would be happy to go to any of the places of the orbs. Aside from vacations, all Hermione could think about was the new profession she might take, how she could find use in all of her training and also be a good mother, a devoted spouse to her complicated and barbaric husband.

"June twentieth, i'll have Narcissa finalize the dates for Santorini and the cruise portion, it simply cannot be skipped." Draco met Hermione's eyes for a moment, both smiling at Lucius' obvious snobbery, in a way they understood so keenly.

"Sounds perfect." She buttered two rolls, one for Winnie and one for Lily before heaping eggs on her plate and thinking more on going back to work in law enforcement, to the letter from Percy she still hadn't read, and her children, desperate for them to be home.

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

 **(Hermione works at the Ministry after graduating from Oxford)**

 _Moving quickly through the commissary, Hermione found Harry with Ron and Seamus near the first row of bins._

" _You all seem bored." All their eyes turned towards her as Ron and Seamus stood, leaving Harry and Hermione alone for the first time since they'd been working near each other at the Ministry. Ron had made one other glance towards them and she was reminded of the fight they'd had early that morning. It seemed o always revolve around the roles they played in their marriage, though Ron had told her frequently he didn't expect her to be like his mum, he often made remarks about how his mum did things and even though Hermione adored Molly Weasley, she would never be that kind of wife. It was not in her to take care of her husband like a child; it was one thing for her to think of him when she made dinner or be considerate about his training schedule, but it was another for him to expect her to do everything for him. Their argument had been one of their louder ones and yet, it was something she'd been bottling up since they first married. It seemed as though before their wedding, he was fine, though he had to be reminded, to do his dishes or laundry, but after he couldn't be thinking of it made her blood boil; was as responsible for himself as ever, he was not a child, and Hermione refused to clean up after him as though he were a child._

" _Cormac MacLaggen was killed this morning, during a training mission." Harry's voice trembled a bit, even if none of them had particularly cared for Cormac, knowing another person who'd died simply made life harder on some ways, worried that each time they came to work or read the papers, someone else would be gone. Without pause, she moved to his side, their backs to the rest of the commissary and under the table she held his hand._

" _Remember when we were in the Forest of Dean? How cold it got at night and how we could see our breath, it looked like fog at times, making me think of being back at school and how Hagrid's hut always had that weird fog from the lake. Anyway, remember how it felt when Ron left and came back? How relieved we were, how happy? We'd survived without him, sure and we would've, but still...when we lose someone now, that's what I think, what's help me survive. We will see them again, they will return to us, I promise." Warming both his hands between hers, she forces him to look at her, to assuage his mind with tricks she'd used to make Severus Snape calm._

" _Ginny told me today about the row you had with Ron, I'm sorry he's so, well, Ron."_

" _I married him, Harry, I know exactly how 'Ron' he is. We'll make it through, but stop changing the subject." She folded her hands back in her own lap and looked at her food with contempt, they needed a diversion._

" _Come." Using her bag, she packed all their food and took his arm, sending quick messages to Ron, Ginny, and then Harry's superior, a chap they all enjoyed who happened to be Horace Slughorn's son. She led them quickly to the exit, to Gringott's where they were viewed with some trepidation but challenged through, taking the cart all the way down until they saw the bolts and chains that once held the dragon, one now cared for by Charlie in Romania._

" _Remember this? Remember what we were able to do? If we don't keep living, if we don't keep trying, than the Death Eaters have won, Voldemort has won and I didn't defy all those laws to live the rest of my life like each day isn't a gift." Hermione held his shoulders and forced him to look at her, to focus and calm._

" _It's just, how long until it's someone we love?" Harry's face wrinkled for a moment and she could tell he was thinking of someone specifically._

" _What is bothering you?" Suddenly, it wasn't about Cormac, she could see it, this was something else entirely._

" _Ginny is...we're…" He turned so red Hermione almost laughed._

" _Is she pregnant?" He nodded and she pulled him close; he was terrified to be a father, to lose a child and they were all so young themselves, yet older than their years to be sure._

" _You will be a fantastic father, you will. And Ron and I will be there, and Neville and Luna, we'll help, we'll make sure your child is safe." For a moment he looked as young as he'd been all those years before when they'd had to save the Philosopher's Stone, his green eyes sparkling like the gems that surrounded them in the walls of Gringotts. Neither of them said more, simply got back into the cart and enjoyed the long, laborious climb to the top, and exiting quickly, a massive sigh of relief coming from the goblins who never seemed to forgive them._

" _We're going to name him Jamie or well James, Ginny wants to tell Molly tomorrow."_

" _She will be ecstatic, you know. Your son will want for nothing when it comes to love." Hermione couldn't help but few a tinge of jealousy thinking about how much Molly could so easily offer her love and affection to the Weasleys, their spouses, and all her grandchildren. It made her happy to think that any children she and Ron had would grow up surrounded by family, magical and non-magical, enveloped in love without the threat of a menacing Dark Lord. In that long, impossibly pleasant moment, her future flashed before her eyes and she saw a little boy with dark hair running before her, his tiny legs barely able to keep up with the pace his mind wanted to move; his hair bobbed, it was wild like Harry's and then she heard it, his laughter filling the garden at Grimmauld Place, and it reminded her of being at Hogwarts for some reason, some faint apparition bringing her so much sudden relief she couldn't speak as they landed on the doorstep of number 12. Walking through the door swiftly, she ran to the kitchen window and hoped for a moment the proximity would bring the vision back, but nothing appeared. She was left only with the hint of his laughter playing like chimes in the wind._

" _Did Harry tell you? Ginny's up the duff." When Ron's arms encircled her waist, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, turning slowly in his arms._

" _Yes and he's to be Jamie and we will not tease Harry about this right now because he's worried. We can talk about the rest later." Pecking his lips quickly and wrapping her arms around his neck, her body released any tension she'd been feeling._

" _Alright, alright, but we've at least got to be there when they tell Mum and Dad." She nodded and smiled as he kissed her softly and walked back into the den. It took all she had not to remind him that Molly asked every single time they were at the Burrow when she and Ron would have a child and though she figured it would be a difficult task after her slicing hex, she did want children. Somehow, even though talk of Harry's unborn child created a beautiful, breathtaking vision of the future, she didn't know for sure if the little boy was James or a memory, somehow a memory of a boy she'd seen before. And though she couldn't think on it long as Ginny came through, giggling and looking a bit out of breath, she wondered for a moment if the little boy had been Severus, the memories he'd shown her from his time in the infirmary, but she knew he hadn't been at Grimmauld Place as a child. She let the image drift away, let herself believe it was the future nephew she suddenly wanted to hold. Ginny hugged her tightly and the evening continued as it typically did, except the excitement filled all of them and continued with trepidation and anticipation until James was born, shock of dark hair and beautiful hazel eyes, tugging at her heart until she could barely contain her emotions. She thought for a moment of the little boy, the image she'd seen and knew immediately that someday she wanted a little one of her own._

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

The wind from the sea rushed over her, pulling her from her daydreams and back to the splendor of Santorini and her children splashing in the water of the shallow pool on the deck. The older children lounged mostly, waiting for the adults to decide it was dinner time and to go into town to one of the restaurants they'd made a staple during their time. Severus and Lucius lounged in the cabana while Narcissa and Draco played the piano and guitar, it was as peaceful a scene as Hermione could imagine. Casting a spell on the girls and herself again for sunscreen, she sat up, legs folded, and tucked a bookmark in the book she'd been trying to read for a week, but simply couldn't pay attention to or each time she read it, she fell into a daydream, sleeping her afternoons away. She had a sneaking suspicion that her husband had charmed the book but she wasn't entirely willing to ask nor let the magic end; it was simply the most calm and rested she'd been in years.

"Scorpius and Alby want to see the perseid show later this evening." Severus moved her hair from her neckline for a moment a lay one soft kiss at the nape of her neck, she felt a bit dizzy as he moved to kiss her again.

"It's a good thing the children are busy?" She remarked, turning to him, both slightly sunned and for the first time that she could recall, it looked as though he had a freckle or two.

"And why is that?"

"Because I'm going to ravish you before dinner if you continue coming over here to kiss me as though we're on the honeymoon we never took." Leaning into him as he straddled the lounge chair resting his head against the soft pillow, she felt the weight of his breaths, the timed beating of his heart and was thankful beyond measure they were together on what seemed to be the best vacation she'd had since she was small.

"You do look a bit pink, perhaps some time outside of the sun would be beneficial to your health." Pulling her up against him, her head now rested next to his, her toasty skin heating his immediately, and she wondered how she managed to keep her hands off of him when he was seductive and sultry, as he'd been their entire trip in Greece.

"Come, help me change." With those words, both stood and started the slow walk to their quarters, asking Charlie to keep an eye on the girls though the little splash pool was guarded against them drowning, she still didn't trust them alone. When they entered their rooms, Hermione immediately warded the doors, silenced the rooms and removed their clothes. Being alive and living meant getting to love her husband fully, with no fear, and trusting that if some evil befell them again, they'd meet it head on, together. Kissing him ardently, remembering how much she'd wanted to kiss him all those years before, when she was barely older than Teddy, and how now he writhed and wiggled, he acted more the teenager than she during their coupling.

After dinner, when the older children were walking to the edge of the island to get a better view of the stars, Hermione cradled Winnie and rested on a blanket next to Severus and Lily, the soft breeze hitting her again and the smell of the water enveloping them like a wave. Her mind drifted between the stars and her girls, her husband, all the times she'd looked to the stars in the infirmary and found more questions than answers, yet looking at them now and thinking about the first time Severus had littered her bedroom with the stars, she couldn't help but feel a bit overwhelmed with adoration. As her barriers broke down, Winnie perked up, sensing her emotions like the swirl of the wind and smiled.

"Are you happy, too my little love?" Hermione asked the little girl and found her smile only grew, her dimples deepened and for a moment Hermione remembered her as a tiny baby, in Severus' arms, how she'd longed to bring her home and protect her.

"Stars!" Lily yelled, as the perseid shower started, it looked like continuous shooting stars, both girls jumped with excitements from their parents' arms. Severus reached for her hand and took it softly into his, their fingers barely touching before Hermione could sense the tether, the part of them so connected she could hardly fathom it.

"Possibilities, huh?" She smirked, leaning over to him and feeling the warmth of his lips before she could say another word.

"Come closer." As she shifted towards him, his cloak moved around effortlessly as though it were a spell and in that moment, she could only envision everything lovely good about their lives, the pain and toil of the years prior melting away even if only for a moment. Safe and warm in his arms, Hermione felt the weight of it all leave her, like a snake shedding skin she wondered how it was that those feelings were fleeing from her, but she welcomed it. At the edges of her mind, she felt him, the lyrical drumming of his thoughts creating the music she typically recognized from their intertwined souls.

"Can it always be like this?" Her words moved over them, whispered into the wind just as the laughter of the girls had.

"If we want it to be, it can always be like this, as you once told me." He'd taken her chin between his forefinger and thumb, and kissed her again.

"Okay, Mum, you're going to scare the natives." Rose joked coming back from the docks and sitting next to Severus, snuggling up as she pretended not to see them kiss again. "Rook! You're supposed to be the sensible one."

"I am quite sensible, Rose, however I do find your mother to be quite the bad influence and unfortunately, her power over me is far too strong to defend." His cloak extended to Rose who put her arm around his waist and reacher for her mother's hand, all looking towards the docks as the girls came back, followed slowly by all the boys.

"I wish we could live here." It was these words from Albus' mouth that made Hermione contemplate what it would be like not to live in the United Kingdom. Sure they'd spent time in Florence, but living permanently outside of their native land seemed momentarily like a good idea. Perhaps getting away from the familiar and living in a new place would help heal wounds, she wondered.

"It would be." Plopping down near Hermione, Albus and James turned back towards the sky, Hyperion and Scorpius also sat on the soft blanket, Lily and Winnie snuggled between them falling asleep.

"This is brilliant." Hermione added, watching the children in wonder over the stars; she could barely fathom being in Greece for another ten days, yet she knew it was the perfect thing for her family. "I wish my Mum and dad could've come, but I guess we'll see them when we get back."

"Your mum has written you almost every day, it's like she is here and of course, we've taken so many pictures. Maybe they will be able to take time off when we get back and we can go somewhere they've not been." Hermione nodded, squeezing his hand and smiling, content and happy.

Later, when everyone had returned to the yacht, Lucius and Narcissa sat with Draco and it seemed they'd been discussing something quite serious, so she funneled all the children to their rooms, bunk beds galore and bunches of blankets. She didn't know why they bothered putting the kids in different rooms, they all ended up together by the morning normally, except for Winnie and Lily who seemed to prefer their quiet room to their noisy siblings and friends.

"Mynee, can you tell us a story?" Albus asked, as though Hermione could deny him for a moment he flashed his bright green eyes her way and she thought of one to tell them.

"What shall it be, then?" She asked, obviously thinking back to her earlier life, with their fathers, the years of tomfoolery when they had no idea how serious things would become.

"Something about our Dad, we never hear anything about him." Hyperion piped up, brushing his caramel hair before sitting next to Albus on his bunk.

"Oh, okay then, well you know when we were children, your father didn't very much like me, and sometimes that led us into some sticky situations." She launched into the story of the detention they'd done with Hagrid in the Forbidden Forest, how Harry and Draco had gone off with Fang and how terrified they'd been when they found the dying unicorn, the phantom that was Voldemort and the eerie feeling of the centaurs having so much knowledge she didn't as she was going to tell them about the tasks at the end of that year, Draco popped in.

"Did she tell you she punched me square in the face third year?" The kids looked shocked, their faces going between Hermione's and Draco's before finally resting on Severus as he appeared behind Draco.

"She set my robes on fire." Severus lamented, pretending to be offended as he folded his arms across his chest.

"Woah, this is story time not 'what did Hermione do to harm Slytherins' time. Besides, at the time, you both deserved it, or so I thought." For a moment, she wondered what the kids thought about Hermione having once been his student, but that thought went away as soon as James began laughing over something Draco had whispered to him.

"Very well, come, it's time for bed." Draco smirked and she saw a faint reminder of the boy he'd once been, so like Scorpius and Lucius, so terrified and arrogant, so much promise if given the right avenue. The kids gave hugs and kisses, the little girls went with Severus to their room then Hermione climbed the stairs to the kitchen, finding Lucius and Narcissa uncorking a bottle of wine.

"Everything okay?" Hermione asked taking a glass from Narcissa and sipping slowly.

"We've talked to Draco about the Greengrass situation, how they've allowed for Hyperion to visit but not Scorpius and also told him we've decided to give him Cherrybrooke permanently." Her eyebrow quirked, the statements were polar opposites, she couldn't tell what they were going to say next.

"So…?"

"Narcissa is coming back to Malfoy Manor, Draco needs the space to be a father without our watchful eyes and we would like to," She paused, Hermione had never seen Narcissa act bashful or embarrassed, but she could see that Narcissa was almost giddy, "revisit our marriage."

"That's so lovely! I'm so glad, so very glad."

"What are you so joyful about?" Severus brought the bottle to the table and joined them.

"Lucius and Narcissa are getting back together, officially." Severus eyed them, feeling the same misgivings he'd had for years about their marriage, but he said nothing. For more years than he could even count, Lucius had used his wife, had allowed her to be unhappy and philadered his way through beautiful young women. Truly, Lucius had debased himself to the point of no return, or so Severus had thought but it seemed that even Narcissa could forgive such indiscretions.

"I don't deserve her, surely." Lucius took Narcissa's hand in his, kissed it gently then looked to Hermione and Severus, both gobsmacked. Sure, Hermione had known about the rekindling of their relationship, but this level of commitment meant that Narcissa really had forgiven him, completely, utterly forgiven him.

"Lucius, don't say such things." Narcissa's eyes pleaded with him, it seemed they held such depths, such memories of times when Lucius had hurt her.

"You deserve a man unbroken, who has not hurt you so, but I endeavor to redeem myself and be the husband you truly deserve, if it takes the rest of my life." It was like witnessing wedding vows, their eyes locked and Lucius' promise just as much a vow as any she'd heard from him.

"You're going to make me cry." Her eyes wells as she spoke, hugging Severus tightly to try and stimy the water from falling, but it was impossible.

"Seeing him, what he's done for you and your family, for our own, thank you, Hermione, you brought him back to us." Without thinking Hermione launched herself at Narcissa and hugged her tightly, though she'd barely even shook her hand before Hermione couldn't contain how happy she was that they were finding themselves together again.

"Sorry, I've blubbered all over you, I haven't cried like this in a while." A quick cough from Severus reminded her she cried this way often but not as much for happiness.

"But, what of the Greengrasses? Surely they want to see both of their grandsons. Daphne doesn't have any children, and they must love them both." Returning to their side of the table, Hermione put her arm through Severus' and held his hand in hers, the tether pulling them together again.

"We've helped him pen a letter, trying to appeal to their logical side, hopefully they will see how much this will hurt , we've agreed with Draco that neither boy will visit them until this is sorted." Taking another sip of her wine, Hermione tried not to think of the disappointment Scorpius would feel if his mother's parents would no longer have him in their home, but at the same time, she hoped that he felt as loved her own children, surrounded by extended family and friends, or even his school like at Hogwarts.

"Poor boy, it's so cruel." They finished their wine and slowly retired to their quarters, each moving in a sort of trance, the boat rocking rhythmically with the water and lulling them quickly to sleep. That night, Hermione recalled nothing of her dreams but slept so peacefully, when the sun began to rise the next morning, she could hardly believe it was time already. The next days they spent in happy company as Billy and Charlie joined them before making the epic trip to Argentina, then they sailed to Cypress to meet with some friends of Lucius' from his youth, which ended up being wildly entertaining because none had heard stories of Lucius as a lad, aside from the ones Severus recalled from Hogwarts days which were rather all pretty vile or sinister. By the time their trip was coming to a close, Hermione felt a sense of dread. The children would be returning to Hogwarts in less than eight weeks and the girls would celebrate their second birthday, the second anniversary of losing their fathers and mother, and she felt like it was all flying by so quickly.

As they sailed home, Hermione tried to think of other outings they could do as a family to enrich the summer, a trip to Florence to meet with Orsini and his family or to Stonehenge since most hadn't been. It was hard to believe James and Rose were going into their third year at Hogwarts and Albus his second; they seemed so grown up to her suddenly. And that was when she heard it.

"Give it back! James, I swear I'm going to hex you!" Rose's voice broke through Hermione's daydream; when she looked to James, she saw him reading a letter aloud to Scorpius and Albus. Rose looked seconds away from hexing him spontaneously.

"That is enough." She snapped, looking to where Lily and Winnie were napping under the shaded hammock. "Bring it here." James begrudgingly walked to Hermione's side and handed her the letter, it was in Rose's handwriting and to a boy Hermione had never met but had heard of through their letters about school or catching up.

"First, we do not take what is not ours, especially if it causes harm. Secondly, Rose, this is not such an event that you would need to let yourself get so angry you would hex someone-"

"Mum, he's been doing this all trip, he won't leave my things alone-" Rose erupted in tears, running from the scene to her room.

"The rest of you find something constructive to do, Jamie, come." Hermione knew she would need to speak with him separately to resolve whatever the issue was, but also knew she had a hormonal and suddenly sensitive girl she'd need to check on.

"Have you been rifling through Rose's things?" She asked without hesitation.

"Yes, but you don't understand, this bloke is bad news. He uses Rose for her work, like he'll ask her to study in the common room or library, but then he just copies everything." It dawned her her quickly, James was being protective and hadn't meant to harm Rose in quite the way it appeared; Hermione Thought of all the years she'd helped Ron and Harry, her notes and papers, she wondered if Rose had found a friend in this boy.

"Good intentions, I see but reading a letter she's written to this boy in front of her family is probably not the way to get her-"

"I just don't want her to waste her time." James began to tear up a bit and made Hermione wonder what else he wasn't telling.

"Is this behavior fitting for someone who is doing special work in potions and herbology? Do you think Professors Longbottom and Cuthbert would be proud of this?" She realized after she said it that perhaps she'd gone too far, but seeing that wild look in his eyes, so like Harry in his convictions to do what he believed was right made her worry to let him continue.

"Good intentions or not, you had other choices you could've made to help Rose see that perhaps she was making a poor choice. You can always come to me or Rook, to Draco or Lucius, your uncles and aunts, Teddy." As she finished her words, James slumped forward his head buried in his arms.

"I'm sorry, Mynee. I didn't want to hurt her."

"I will speak with Rose and then we will speak together." Hermione squeezed his shoulder and stood, feeling a bit lightheaded as she did but walking through it to the room Rose shared with James.

"Rose?" She tapped lightly on the door before going through, finding Rose angrily destroying what looked like letters.

"Jamie is worried about this boy using you, Rose. Tell me about him." Though it was difficult to understand all of her words, Hermione gathered that his name was Evan French, he was in fourth year and was a Gryffindor, he sounded as though he looked remarkably like Scorpius with blonde hair and piercing eyes.

"He's a year ahead, so how could he be copying my notes and paper? We have different work and he's in advanced classes." At this point Hermione had crawled into the bunk with her and held her, running her fingers through her curls and remembering what it was like when Rose was a small girl.

"Why would Jamie think he copies your notes and papers?"

"He's been teaching me arithmancy and I've been helping him with ancient Runes. We do copy each other's note, but it's not like that, we're trying to learn." Hermione didn't quite know what to think except it was clear that the situation was complicated. James believed wholeheartedly that Rose was being used and Rose clearly believed this boy was her friend.

"And do you fancy him?"

"A bit, but I'm not daft." Both of their faces wrinkled simultaneously. "He's older and has tons of friends and he always starts on quidditch, he's a beater, and you and Rook told me I shouldn't date until at least sixth year, so I'm…" But as her words drifted off, Hermione could see just how much her daughter fancied this Evan, whom she could now recall from quidditch matches.

"Jamie is going to come in here and we are going to fix this." Kissing her cheeks, Hermione went to grab James and listened as both children defended their actions and stated their beliefs.

"I promise I won't ruffle through your things, but I can't promise I won't keep my eye on him, the blokes talk and I don't want you to be one of the girls they spread rumors about." James' voice was indignant and almost spiteful, as though perhaps Rose had already been topic for fodder. Hermione felt out of her league and just as she wished he would appear to help, Severus was at the door, his former role as Head of House making it something he'd surely dealt with before.

"Lily has fallen and scraped her knee a bit and she wants you." Before he could say anything else, Hermione kissed Rose and James each on the cheek and then went through the door, leaving the rest of the discussion to Severus. The hallway to the deck was short and before she even saw her, she heard Lily's sniffling.

"Come, let's get this cleaned up." Hermione didn't want necessarily to coddle her children but she also didn't want them to think she was heartless, so when she was cleaning Lily's knee she tried to show her spells, to prove how easily her skin was healed and the pain gone.

"See, my girl, good as new." Her toothy smile warmed Hermione's heart, which only continued as she went into the room where the girls were sleeping and found Winnie and Hyperion playing with an art set he'd gotten from Narcissa For his birthday, drawing and coloring abstract art.

"Mummy!" Winnie ushered her over and invited her to draw and color, too and that was how the greater part of the afternoon was spent until Draco came and collected them for dinner. Afterwards they watched the sunset and started to feel the first chill of being further north.

"I barely made it down the hallway." Hermione exclaimed as she somewhat clumsily fell into their room and onto the bed. Severus, who was not far behind, smirked at her remembering the class of wine she'd had with dinner but also recalling how little alcohol normally had an effect on her and musing to himself that she was so preoccupied with the children and their vacation, she wasn't focused on herself in the slightest.

"I think you might be getting ill, you looked flushed." He cast a diagnostic spell, but found her temperature only slightly elevated, it was then he saw it, the exact face, the scrunching and obvious embarrassment of Hermione going to vomit. Without pause he charmed her hair from her face and cleaned the vomit with the flick of his wand.

"Come, let's get you cleaned up." She could barely stand, her legs feeling noddlely, so she put her weight on him and allowed him to help her rinse off in the shower then he washed her hair, wrapped her in a towel and put her in bed, leaving long enough to get seltzer water from the kitchen.

"Here, take these, I'll brew something better while you rest." Hazily, Hermione could barely keep her eyes open, she obeyed and swallowed the tablets, but moments later they came right back up, but she'd hardly been aware. She slipped into a deep sleep, only waking in the morning when Severus poured a potion down her throat. Around tea time, she threw on a simple summer dress and tried to go to the deck but having not eaten, her legs were weak and wobbly.

"I thought you were quarantined." Lucius caught her as she began to trip over the trim of the deck.

"I'm fine, just weak. I'm hungry." They entire table looked at her, her messy hair and haphazard attempt to dress herself, they all snickered, even Charlie had a hard time not laughing at her as she tried to eat a soft roll.

"Feeling better?" Draco asked, thinking of one time at Oxford when she'd had a bit too much too drink and how long it had taken her to sleep it off.

"I'm perfectly fine, whatever Severus brewed for me worked." Severus looked up from his spot, eyebrow arched as to show he knew more than he was willing to tell, and continued cutting roast for the girls.

"Good, no offense but a stomach virus in close confinement like this would be a nightmare." Billy chimed in, putting his arm around Charlie before taking another bite of his potatoes.

"I don't have the plague, you can all feel reassured, just an upset stomach from yesterday. I'm fit as a fiddle." But as she tried to prove her faculties were in working order, she felt herself leaning and practically ended up in Lucius' lap.

"Come, let's get you back to your quarters." Lucius scooped her up and helped her back, Rose following with a plate of food and some water.

"Here, Rook gave me this for you." Hermione eyes the potion suspiciously this time, wondering if it was what was making her so sleepy, but as soon as she drank it, those thoughts left her, making her lightheadedness disappear and her appetite return.

"Have you and Jamie made up?"

"Yes and I understand why he was being protective and he understands that it's not what he thought." Hermione finished her plate ravenously and begged Rose to sit next to her.

"He's a good brother, even if it was a misunderstanding. He reminds me so much of your Uncle Harry sometimes I can hardly look at him without crying." Rose's eyes scrunched."What?"

"You are being odd." Rose replied, climbing all the way on the bed, curling into Hermione's side.

"More odd than normal?" Hermione laughed a bit, thinking of the year they'd had and how much of her children growing up she felt like she was missing.

"We haven't talked about them like this, I guess in a while; you've been odd the entire trip, really."

"I'm sorry, I know it isn't easy. I just always think of him this time of year, excited to get out of Surrey and come to visit, hair all scruffy and your dad, up to no good with his brothers, quidditch at your Granny and Poppy's house. Your Aunt Ginny had the biggest crush on him. And I don't feel as though I'm being odd, but if you say so." Hermione didn't realize she'd started crying until Rose did as well, both of them blubbering.

"Did Dad always fancy you?" Grabbing them both tissue, Rose helped Hermione lean up to blow her nose.

"No, in fact it took him years to realize I was even a girl. It took me longer to…" But she paused, she didn't quite think Rose old enough nor mature enough to handle a discussion about how she came to love Ron after Hogwarts.

"What, Mum?" Rose's bright eyes, filled with tears, searched Hermione's face for answers.

"Darling, the war did things to us all, it took a long time to heal." Snuggled in the crook of her arm again, Rose held her tightly around her waist and continued to cry.

"Is that when you first loved Rook?" Rose whispered, desperate sometimes to understand how her mother and the former professor broke the bonds of a traditional teacher student relationship and fell in love. It was clear to Rose and had been for years that her mother adored the broody former professor, even when they were simply colleagues, if that had ever truly been possible.

"Yes, my love, but it's not so simple as that, not really. I can't quite explain how I came to love Severus, more than love really." Without skipping a beat, almost afraid to let the moment fill with unanswered questions, Hermione added, "And now he loves you like a daughter, as your protector and champion, he won't let anyone hurt you Rose, and that is what your dad would've wanted, because he wouldn't have let anyone hurt you either." They fell asleep not long after, Hermione completely oblivious to the girls coming in to tell her goodnight, to Severus gently waking Rose and helping her to her bunk, then cleaning the room before showering and joining Hermione who finally stirred a bit, still delusional and fantastical. She lunged towards him, kissing him her bad breath and all, wondering how long she'd been asleep.

"Are we home?" She asked, not feeling the boat rock as she normally did.

"No, not yet. Your medicine is helping you sleep." Yawning, she pushed his arm slightly and tried to sit up.

"I knew it! You're keeping me drugged." Her giggle made him worry for only a moment, that perhaps he'd gotten the formula a bit off, too much ginger.

"You were vomiting frequently enough, I didn't want you to have to go back early. Besides, would you rather sleep or vomit?" Falling back on the pillow, Hermione looked sternly towards him, only recalling vomiting a few times.

"Of course I'd rather sleep, but I'm missing our trip and not taking care of our family. I only threw up yesterday."

"You've been sick more than you remember, you've been taking this potion for several weeks."

"But..."Severus silenced her with one finger, resting his head against his other hand he took the finger from her lips and trailed it down her body, following the stripe of her nightshirt. For a moment, Hermione thought he was going to go further but he stopped.

"You are, in fact, taking care of our family." Resting his palm across her abdomen, it took several moments for it to finally sink in: she was pregnant. "It seems our progeny does not enjoy being on this boat currently, but all will be well." She couldn't talk, every emotion she could possibly feel regarding a new baby filled her, competing in a tug of war in her heart, until finally she cried and laughed, still not sure she was truly grasping that she was indeed expecting.

"Are you sure? Really sure?" She begged, placing her hand over his.

"Yes, really sure. I cast diagnostic spells to be sure, but I've had my suspicions. When you didn't have your normal monthly before we left, I cast the spell and it was quite clear. I've been waiting to see when it would catch your attention." She suddenly thought of all the wine she'd consumed, the raw fish and soft cheeses.

"Why didn't you say something? I've probably hurt our child."

"Hermione, you haven't had real wine since I did the diagnostic. I've been keeping a careful watch on you, you've done nothing to harm yourself or the child, in fact you've been sleeping and enjoying yourself far more than you normally would, so I would surmise that you are doing the right things."

"The daydreams?" She thought back to the glorious naps she'd had almost everyday, how tired she always seemed.

"You thought I'd put a spell on your book. No, I'm not quite so devious but I did start putting your vitamins and some stomach relievers for morning sickness, though I forgot the other day."

"Well, I still think you should've told me."

"I rather thought you would know before me if you were expecting, having been pregnant before." She held him tightly, wrapping her arms around his neck and resting her head against his chest, loving the sound of his heart.

"Every time I've been pregnant, it's been different. I guess I didn't expect it to happen so soon after I stopped taking potions." Kissing her forehead, Severus could sense her trepidation, the fear but elation as well, happiness he felt from her whenever the children were around.

"Being so carefree in Santorini and since, I'm sure your body responded in kind."

"Have you told anyone?" Snuggling into him further, she imagined herself in the many stages of pregnancy, having the flutters and kicks, the hiccups and little movements she had enjoyed with both girls.

"I told Lucius when we stopped in Cypress so I could get potions ingredients without suspicion. But, he knows not to say anything."

"No, I don't mind, really, I hid Winnie in fear I'd lose her and it made me a wreck, you remember, I don't want to do that again. We'll tell everyone in the morning if I wake up normally." She nipped his lip and squeezed him again, so unsure of what to do with all of her emotions. "Are you happy?" She asked, smoothing his hair from his face and staring into his dark, fathomless eyes.

"Happy doesn't describe how I feel, I wouldn't know a family without you." Tears came again, she shook against him from happiness and elation, their family would be growing and she could only remember how good he'd been with Lily and Winnie, a side of him she'd never seen before. Lost in memories, she held him until almost falling asleep when she heard him exhale, as though he'd been worried to tell her about it all.

"I love you." He finally said before pulling the covers up, the night breeze cool on his skin.

"I'll love you forever." She replied, looking forward to breakfast, to telling the children and their makeshift family they were adding another child to the mix, images of dark, curly hair filled her mind, soft skin, dimples like Winnie and Rose, the feeling of a warm, tiny body at her breast, the love that filled her beyond comprehension. That night she slept like a stone and when she woke, the news hitting her again, she couldn't help but smile and hope, then a letter arrived from Bill Weasley: Eugene Crawford had been missing for a week.


	23. Chapter 23

**AN: Finally! I have no excuses for the length of time between this chapter and the last except life. No particular warnings for this one aside from my typical ones that have existed since the beginning. We are going forward in time a bit and bringing everything to a close. This has truly been a work in progress, even though the majority was written over a year ago, I have been doing extensive editing for a long time now and it feels odd to be putting it to a close. As always, I'm sure I will make more edits and update those, but this should be the end of this particular tale. Thank you for reading, reviewing, sending kind words, or simply supporting my efforts. I have so many projects in the works, but I don't know if I will work on one this long for a while. Happy reading.**

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

 _(Hermione's last year at Hogwarts)_

 _In a cold sweat, she erupted from sleep, tossing the covers off and realizing quickly that she was in an unfamiliar room, surrounded by things that were certainly not her own. Blinking several times, Hermione felt the air chill her, her flesh rose and remained pimpled for longer than normal before her world righted again and she realized she was in quarters. It was as though she had been lost in the Forest of Dean or dozing in Shell Cottage, the room felt foreign when she woke most days but for some reason that morning she felt especially lost._

 _After showering and taking care of her teeth, she went to the infirmary to check on Madame Pomfrey and see if Professor Snape had rested. It had been weeks since he'd made more than a sound, barely opening his eyes or eating; it made her worry that the relief he'd asked her for in the Shrieking Shack would be obtained by his own means, allowing himself to drift into nothingness when she'd worked so hard to save him. When she scanned the room and didn't see him, fear hit her instantly like a curse and she walked with trepidation towards the private rooms, checking each to see if he was there, but they were all empty. Frantically, she moved from cot to cot, surveying each one until she was absolutely sure he was gone._

" _Hermione, what has you so concerned?" Madame Pomfrey scurried past her, moving towards the offices but stopping to eye the young girl. "Ah, yes, the professor has been allowed a sojourn in his rooms for a day, just to see if he will benefit from being in familiar surroundings." Hermione's face fell, he certainly wouldn't want her anywhere near his rooms, his private life where for many years he found the only solitude he could know as a man who lived in so many worlds. Knotting and unknotting her fingers, she finally took a deep breath and thought maybe it was best that he would convalesce alone for a time, that she concentrated her efforts elsewhere so that she could begin preparing more seriously for her classes and finishing seventh year properly. Nodding to the matron, Hermione did some rounds to help with general housekeeping and then checked each patient, wrote down their status update and then found herself casting spells on the windows and drapes, ensuring they opened and closed on patients who wanted a bit of sun or breeze. Before leaving the infirmary, she checked in with Madame Pomfrey and then went to the library, taking out her texts on Ancient Runes and tried not to think about Professor Snape, his place in her day had become so solid, such a standard that she almost felt as though she were forgetting something imperative. It panged her, it made her hand tremble in review of her notes, her brow to twitch more than a few times until finally she pooled everything into her bag, threw it over her shoulder and went steadily and with determination to Professor Snape's rooms._

 _Knocking lightly then turning the knob, she knew she was taking a major risk, even if he had been kind since Harry's birthday, there was a fear in her, deep in her gut that he was going to hurt himself, even take his life. Over the week before he'd been more withdrawn, more subdued and yet determined in some way, and it all seemed to hit her in quick succession, the odd mumbles and comments, the eerie emptiness of his eyes and quiet...he may have been quiet for months, even most of time she'd known him, but this had been so different. Had Madame Pomfrey known he sought relief and let him go? How had he convinced her he should be allowed this time to convalesce alone, even if for an hour or more, did she not know how much he suffered? Did she want him to have this peace? All of these questions moved through her mind like a funnell, except growing larger and larger until her mind ached._

 _When she finally saw him, resting near a faux window, trying to write with a quill on old, stained parchment, he did not look up to her, simply kept writing. Her feet were propelled by curiosity, she needed to know how he was able to sit up, to stay alert without the energy potions she gave him during his waking hours, and he looked determined, focused so squarely on his task that he didn't even look at her, acknowledge that she was in the room until she peered over his shoulder and saw that it was a letter, she could barely read the name of the addressee but saw and heard the scratching stop. His face turned slowly, deliberately towards her, and when his eyes met hers, she knew her suspicions had been right; he was hopped up on something keeping him alert and able to do more than he normally would be able. Instantly, she wanted to push the quill from his hand, spill the ink over the letter, make him too weak to be able to complete this task, her heart burst, her eyes filled with tears, and she couldn't stop herself as she covered her face in her hands, turning from him for a moment and breathing as deeply as she could. It was not within her to leave, to let him so carelessly throw away this second chance, but instead of saying anything, moving to rip the quill away, throwing her arms around him, she wiped her tears then her nose and stood there, like a fool. Moments passed, the cadence of her whimpers and his etching filling the sitting room, along with the crackling of a fire the house elves must've made for him._

" _Is this it, then?" She finally demanded, peering over towards him and looking once more to the letter. When he said nothing, she wondered what words she could say, to make him understand that his life was worth a second chance, that he was making a mistake, that his life was not forfeit, that his pain was temporary, but no words came. Instead, in her desperation, she lunged at him and turned his shoulders to face her, forcing the quill to fall from his hands as she entered his mind and continued her pleas. It wasn't working, nothing seemed to be getting beyond the brick wall he'd made, seemingly on purpose to keep her out, it was as though he was controlled by something otherworldly. With her mind, she projected images, the same he'd shown her before of his begging her to end his life, to spare him the uselessness of life, then an image of Harry, telling her how much he owed to Snape, of his mother and Snape as children and how he'd accepted Lily, of even a month before when he'd asked her to stay with him in the infirmary, sharing tea, their minds melded in such permanence, it made her angry and the pit of helplessness that they both seemed to be trapped in made it all worse._

" _How could you do this?" Quaking, her words had left her with no effort, were barely audible, yet she knew he heard them. He was resigned and she was paralyzed. Time trudged on regardless of their silent battle and she fell deeper into the chasm of his eyes, remembering for a moment the memories she'd seen of his mother being mistreated by his father, how he'd begged his mother to leave, how she'd died in that horrific way and his own weakness, his inability to save her. Screaming in his mind over and over, Hermione tried to convince him that he had saved thousands, he had saved all of them, but it seemed nothing was getting through to him._

" _Your death cannot be on my hands, I cannot carry this for the rest of my life, please, please don't do this."_

" _And what do you think I am doing?" The eerie etching of his voice was foreign, he hadn't said too much, certainly not at one time. "Who are you to judge my actions?" Immediately, she let go of him, fearful- this was the Professor Snape she remembered from class, the man who made her angry and determined in each admonition was prostrate before her, looking far more resolute with each passing second._

" _You are going to destroy everything we've done since May 2nd, that's what you're doing, and I won't let you." Tears continued to pour from her eyes._

" _I will do what I please." He snapped back, covering the letter he'd been writing with another and suddenly she remembered she hardly knew Severus Snape, sure she'd been caring for him for months, learning the skills she needed to communicate with him and make sure he was in less pain, to rebuild his muscle and skin around the bite wound, but she didn't truly know him. Even with the memories he'd left Harry, she knew what he'd wanted to show. But, in the same thought she reminded herself that he'd saved her many times, from the basilisk, helped brew potions many times to restore her or stop the bleeding from the slicing hex. He'd stayed with her, almost paternal in his watch over her, and she wondered if there was something else at work, something beyond them._

" _Please...I can't...please." She mumbled, wiping her eyes, looking between him and the letter, finally seeing her own name, he'd been writing to her. In her mind, she heard his words, 'You are only delaying the inevitable'. But any delay meant she might be able to convince him that taking his own life was not the best answer, even if she could understand why he felt hopeless._

" _Please don't do this again, you are worth more than this, I'm begging you." But her words were so muffled, said into the crevice of his neck as she hugged him tightly, afraid she was letting the emotions from the war and since bleed into the moment so fiercely that it was not simply losing him she was so worried about, or that it was._

' _I will not take my life.' He promised speaking to her through their mind connection, but Hermione did not believe him, she felt he was simply putting her off until she left him._

" _I can't make you do anything, I'm just a silly girl who has had her world completely changed, but I…" She wanted to say she was compelled to stop him, to watch him, to help him. She'd saved him several times without thinking but this was different, she had gone of her own volition to his rooms to stop him. Without really knowing it, or at least admitting that she had a special connection with Professor Snape, she worried that if left alone he would deteriorate, that the sort of truce that had come to exist between them would disappear and he'd be gone. His voice echoed over and over in her head, begging for relief, except she could tell he had no idea he was pleading again, and this time it was different, he was pleading for life._

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

"I've already asked you twice to put Reginald back in the crib, Lily, Octavia misses him." Hermione looked over at her strawberry girl, hair flowing down to her waist now and freckles on her nose dancing along with her impish smile.

"But Mummy, Titus and Winnie had him last and I…" One arch of her eyebrow and Lily ran back into the nursery, depositing Reginald the cat for her tiny little sister, merely two months old and then came back out, hugged Hermione's leg and joined her siblings outside in the garden.

"Octavia doesn't even recognize solid shapes, why would she care about your old stuffed cat?" Draco asked, washing his hands and drying them, handing Hermione her own drying cloth for the mess she'd made of pouring the lemonade Winnie and Lily had made earlier to give to their cousins and siblings and spilling more than she thought she had at first. For some reason, her depth-perception hadn't been completely right since Octavia was born.

"They've been fighting over him for weeks and I simply cannot take it another day. I am going to put him back in the attic since it's clear they can't handle sharing him right now, and with Winnie's magic coming in, I don't want him to be destroyed like three of Rose's roardies." Draco nodded, looking over Hermione's head into the garden, seeing Severus and Charlie setting up two chess boards for James, Scorpius, Rose, and Albus, and exploding snap for the younger children.

"Is Ginger in the nursery as well?" He asked, looking back again to Billy who was holding little Titus , absent from his arms his and Charlie's little redhead, Ginger Jean.

"Yes, she and Octavia are both asleep, though I doubt Ginger will last long in there with Octavia waking up so frequently. I've never had a baby so worried about missing out." He heard her laugh slightly, lost in thought and saw her looking out the window as well to Severus, gazing over to him as though she hadn't seen him in years, like he remembered her eyes when she first spoke of him all the way back at Oxford, when he didn't know what that look meant.

"I'll check on them if you want to rest." But Hermione shook her head, put the cloth down and went to the nursery, walking wistfully through the rooms until she came to the nursery door and before opening, she felt the emotions coming from her new, tiny girl and cleared her mind before walking through, finding both girls awake as she did.

"I see we aren't resting." Ginger gave her a toothy smile, her little legs jumping as she giggled, but found Octavia giving a frown, an odd look for a newborn. As though reading Hermione's mind, the tiny girl with large, onyx eyes, became fussy and put one hand in her mouth, rooting as she did, wanting comfort and craving her touch. Taking her from the bassinet, her arms cradled her against her chest and rocked her in the chair before hearing Severus at the door, and realizing quickly that their tiny daughter, for once, was not feeding off her emotions or trying to understand her mind, but doing so with Severus, feeding from his emotions, trying to understand or make sense of his mind and she saw as soon as he entered the room that Octavia calmed.

"She's all yours, this girl." Hermione whispered, kissing her cheeks and handing her over to Severus, who took her in his arms as though she was the first child he'd ever held, careful with her more than he'd been with Winnie or Lily, even Titus, Titus, their son who was turning two that day, even Ginger, whom he helped deliver when the surrogate Charlie and Billy had brought to South America to return to England a few months before the birth for blood pressure issues that weren't easily treated in the jungle. Upon reaching Grimmauld Place, she'd went into early labor and though they'd tried to get a healer from St. Mungos, Severus and Hermione had talked her through the labor, knowing enough healing to at least aid her. Ginger had come so quickly and fiercely, Charlie and Billy didn't hesitate a moment when they saw her and held her the first time in calling her Ginger, in honor of Ginny.

"What has you so troubled?" Her eyes searched his, the same daunting hollow as the tiny, pale thing in his arms.

"Nothing in particular, as it were."

"Did something happen? It's unlike you to be vague." Smoothing the dark curls that framed Octavia's face, Hermione gave him another searching look, one that implied he needed to just tell her because the worry was becoming more anxious for her the longer she didn't know why he seemed so different, protective in a way she hadn't seen in years and somehow almost angry. Octavia was larger than any of her previous babies had been, weighing under a stone but feeling every bit that large.

"Is it Titus? Winnie or Lily? Severus, please." Back asleep, he placed Octavia in the cot, cast a charm, then lifted and soothed Ginger.

"It is nothing, nothing is bothering, nothing has happened, no one is in danger; calm yourself." Instead of calming her at all, Hermione immediately looked away from him, closed her eyes and tried to make her heart stop beating so ardently against her chest, her palms tingeled, her mind raced, so she walked into their room and sat on the sofa, counting her breaths and trying not to think about his strange behavior, finding herself alone for the first time since Octavia was born, afraid of the silence and sure she was losing her mind. When she opened her eyes again, she saw the collage of pictures of their children, from their adopted love for Teddy to Octavia, all of the children smiled towards her. Without pause, stood again and traced their smiles, the way James and Albus smirked, Rose's goofy grin just like Ron's, Winnie and Lily's mischievous grin, Titus' innocent look, his large hazel eyes boring into her and Octavia, her first picture at St. Mungos, still puffy but reminding her of the few images she'd ever seen of Eileen Prince. Every birth had been so different, every moment knowing they were alive hit her in a wave, crashing against her soul and reminding her of holding them all, including Teddy when he was just an infant, the coos and soft skin, the feel of a soft, tiny body. Suddenly she could only smile herself thinking of how lucky she was, that everything orchestrated by the Dolohov ring was behind them, that she and Severus had welcomed two surprise babies, Titus Martin and Octavia Valentyna, less than two years apart. Though they'd at least planned, in theory, for Titus, Octavia had been a complete surprise, a child conceived while on a short leave in Ireland; they had both believed their days with an infant were numbered, when Hermione discovered she was pregnant with Octavia, she was elated, for the first time since her pregnancy with Rose whas was almost carefree and happy, tending to her growing family and ensuring that little Titus continued to thrive. The memories of his birth, the beauty of her husband's help and the moment he was born, knowing she and Severus were adding son to their brood, it was overwhelming.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

" _Severus, I don't think I can do it." Hermione leaned forward, breathing heavily and trying her best not to fall back again, almost falling from consciousness as she became weaker through her laboring. Taking both of her hands in his, trying to help her get comfortable, finding that each time his fingers moved against hers, it hurt her more instead of reassuring her, easing her pain._

" _Look at me, look." Wiping her brow with his sleeve, he took her chin between his fingers and made her look at him, into his eyes and he could see her struggling, remembering what it was like to look into her eyes when she was delivering Winnie, how she'd begged him, pleaded with him, wished Winnie was his, but this baby, this was his...he could not deny that he loved the children he was helping raise, that he cared for them beyond anything he cared, aside from Hermione, his entire life, and now he was to have another being to protect. Breathing deeply, he moved around her, helping her raise herself a bit to help ease some of her pain, massaging her lower back as he did; whenever she bore down, she rested against his thighs, and took deep breaths, leaning against him whenever she could. Gripping his hands, she pulled them to her sides and took another deep breath._

" _Tell me a story, please, I...can't...please, a story." Leaning back on him completely and resting her head against his collarbone, she found the contractions subsiding long enough to catch her breath again before another wave hit her and her body rocked forward._

" _There may not be time for story, overachiever, but I will try, hmmm,," He moved her braided hair from her shoulder and whispered in her ear, softly, telling her exactly what she once told him, that they got to have any future they wanted, that they could choose each other. Entering her mind, he showed her, his memory of that night, the last they shared together in such a way and then, he showed her his heart, every word he completely deserved when he pushed her from Hogwarts and how he'd missed her every single day. Her scream took him from her mind as she held his hands so tightly he was sure the baby was moving further down, her pushing becoming more effective._

" _I had a dream a few nights passed, your grandmother Ruth visited me in a dream, she took my face in her hands and whispered to me how thankful she was that we came together, even if with everything we've been through. Before her spectre left me, she reminded me that we are not always our past, that we can be redeemed and that often our actions are results of narcissism and selfishness, a desire to prove others wrong or achieve, and ultimately that we were bound, as we knew, by our soul call. I don't know for sure if this was some aberration or if my mind simply wanted the calm of her words, having never really known her, but still. My darling, strong wife you are stronger than anyone I've ever known, your heart is fierce, your mind so sharp it cuts others without their ever noticing, and this pain, the agony of bringing our child into this world, I will share this burden with you. "He helped her shift again, she wanted to lie back against him, to use his body as leverage as she entered the final stages of labor. He was jared when he entered her mind again, seeing only chaos and confusion, he couldn't make sense of anything he was seeing, only a singular phrase over and over, 'bond'. Abruptly, she pushed him from her mind and grasped him tightly, the healer and mediwitch coming over to them to check Hermione again before casting several spells and waiting to 'catch' the baby. Hermione had been adamant about not knowing the sex of the baby this time, about having the surprise for the first time._

 _Bringing her from her thoughts, so deeply lost in her library that she almost forgot what she was doing, she felt Severus' hands in hers, fisted, digging into her thighs as she timed her pushes with contractions and felt the baby moving, slowly but surely into life. He continued to speak to her, softly in her ear, but her a moment she was lost, she recognized her own delusion and worried that the only thing keeping Severus in her life was the soul call, that her cry for help as an adolescent spoke to his soul, forged a bond that only continued to grow stronger through the years and now, after it all, was this all that was keeping them together, was the life they'd created through undeniable emotions and actions only a product of the bond and not of truth...what was truth? What if they were never meant to be more than simply a person saving another person in duress and she'd let it all get far too out of hand. It took all of her strength to keep him from her mind, to keep him from seeing all of the moments she questioned, the actions he'd taken through the year at the hand of the Ministry and now, as the absolute agony of birth tested her every sense, she couldn't help but feel defeated, more than any other moment in her life she felt lost, hopeless, desolate._

" _For there is nothing lost, that may be found, if sought." She heard him say, the cadence of his voice making her feel guilt she couldn't measure as his hands let go of hers, as they shifted again and his long arms, his sinewy fingers helped grasp the child, the baby emerging from her, one more push the shoulders came, then a scream and elation, tears from Hermione and the baby._

" _We have a son, Hermione, a son." Falling back against him completely, she looked down at the squirming mess now huddled against her chest, the healer casting diagnostic charms and taking measurements, sending many of the same charms to Hermione as they did. Skin to skin, she felt the boy breathing, his crying stopped and when she looked to him, she saw his rather large eyes, still and hopeful gazing into hers. In that moment of connection, of seeing what they had produced together, Hermione began crying harder, more fiercely shaking like she had after Winne's birth, but holding him so tightly to her the healer and mediwitch were getting interrupted readings from the charms._

" _Ms. Granger, we need to see the little tyke for just a moment, he'll be right back in those arms." The healer, one Hermione didn't remember from all of her visits to St. Mungos, reached for the boy but Hermione wouldn't let him go, instead she felt Severus shift, move to allow her to scoot back on the bed and when he finally reached for the baby, she still refused._

" _Hermione, they need to clean him and check his vitals, I will hold him the entire time." She peered up at him, her hazel eyes meeting his obsidian, the same as the boy in her arms but she couldn't seem to let him go._

" _I can't…"She responded, crying harder, feeling the weight of her questions and the elation of having a healthy son, a live son, the guilt of losing her others, of never being able to hold them in such a way, the awareness of Severus' arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to him so that he baby touched them both._

" _You can, he is safe, you are safe. We have another son." Still covered in the grime of birth, Hermione and Severus' son wiggled a bit in their arms, but she leaned in and kissed him, the spark of her lips meeting his cheeks sending a wave through her, an understanding that for at least that moment, she could have all the questions and still be joyous in the birth of their boy. She let him go and waited as her placenta was delivered, much less painfully than with Rose and Winnie, as though her body was becoming used to the sensation, and watched as the staff cleaned him up a bit, took his vitals and hers, and as Severus stood over him, his eyes scanning she and the baby, over and over, and making her feel marginally better each time they met, her eyes and his, the rush of her hormones, seeing him with a tiny baby again and his immediate desire to protect, it just all overwhelmed her. Her weeping continued, but it was far less guilty and far more ebullient as Severus took their new son from the healer and mediwitch, bringing him back to Hermione._

" _We never talked about names for a boy concretely, did we?" Her whispered voice made him almost grin, as much as he could, before placing the now-bundled infant in her arms, watching as she quickly unbundled him, lying him directly against her skin and then putting the blanket around them both._

" _No, we did not, but I know Rose was hoping for some obscure name she gave me in a letter last week, Otho, and the boys claimed Henry would be nice but also said something about Faramir, Albus' idea of course." She couldn't help but laugh, then, imagining Severus with a son named Henry, another possible Harry, and she could barely stop herself once she started._

" _Henry he is not." When the boy opened his eyes again, she noticed they weren't quite as dark as Severus' were, when the light from the rising sun hit them, they looked like hers._

" _We'll figure it out, I'm sure. I wouldn't mind terribly if his middle name was Martin, though, my Dad has no sons after all."He nodded without another thought to it, knowing as soon as he saw the boy that she would want to honor her father in some way. "I know you don't fancy your own name at all, but what about Titus? He's so alert and calm, look at his long arms and legs, he's going to be a giant." Taking his tiny fingers between his own, Severus saw so many similarities between them, but upon looking into his eyes, he felt as though he was looking at Winnie, they had similar expressions, similar eyes shape and then, after Hermione tickled his chin a bit, the same dimples as his sisters._

" _Titus is a fine name."_

" _Titus Martin Granger-Snape." Hermione kissed his cheeks again and listened to him yawn and coo, his tiny sounds reminding her of Winnie, Lily, and Rose, his brothers James and Albus, and it made her happy, elated beyond measure, she drank it all in and relished the feeling of Severus holding her, holding Titus; for a moment, she had a memory, a moment she could barely remember, a boy in the infirmary, he looked remarkably like Titus._

 _The children all came to see Titus at the same time, from Teddy to Winnie, and then Hermione saw similarities between Rose and Winnie and their new brother, similar dimples that dug deeply into their cheeks, her father's dimples, and she simply couldn't stop her heart from overflowing. She looked often between the children and Severus, letting all the anxiety and fear she'd held for years, more than she could count, flow away even if only for a moment. The brave Gryffindor came out once more and she felt strong, fierce, and powerful enough to slay any foe._

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

"Winifred has mentioned that you have welcomed a new child into the family." Hermione's eyes shot towards Healer Gibbons and thoughtlessly, her hand rested on her empty womb. Her last child had been born, she was sure their family was complete but the emptiness still made her a bit melancholy for a moment.

"Yes, her sister Octavia was born nine weeks ago, which is why I had to reschedule, I apologize." Hermione thought of her dark-haired girl, the way her eyes flitted around the room always looking for Severus or one of her siblings.

"I was aware your day was approaching, so please do not apologize. Such a blessing is a child and especially one so desired."

"Have the techniques we've been practicing helped at all?" Hermione asked, not trying to dismiss the healer but a bit desperate to get back home to her children. The older kids had gone back to Hogwarts after Titus' birthday, and it was as though they'd been gone for months again. She honestly didn't know how her parents were able to send her away, though she couldn't doubt how much they were learning and growing in their magic and as people. It was her one wish that her children know compassion and empathy, perhaps not to the level that they were empaths like she was, but to stand up for those compromised and to be honest.

"Yes, it appears the new techniques are working well. Her sudden surge in magic is typical, though a bit early. In our session, she expressed her desire to have Master Snape here, as he's done before, she wants you both to see her progress." Hermione smiled softly towards Healor Gibbons, thankful for all the years he had helped she and her sweet empath and possible seer. It was a gift she felt she could never return. "Do not let yourself be troubled, someday Winifred will be able to help another, recreating this tremendous cycle of energy and giving." For a moment, Hermione imagined the future, things had been easier since Greece, since Titus was born and she'd gone back to work a few days a week, trusting Titus to Lucius and Narcissa or bringing him with her to the office when he was teething. When Winnie and Lily were ready for a few hours of primary care each day, it was hard to watch them go just as it had been with Rose, but she was sure that it would benefit the girls as it had with James, Albus, and Rose, giving them a steady foot in both worlds. Broken from her reminiscing for a moment, Hermione saw a brilliant flash of light, a sudden rush of air, and then nothingness; absent of sound, air, smell, everything she could barely open her eyes again before she felt tiny hands on her face, the outline of her oval face, and one tear, landing on Hermione's nose before she was out completely.

"Mummy, come with me." Hermione blinked several times, trying to adjust and understand what she was seeing but finding only disorientation and more questions than answer.

"Winnie, where are you taking me?" Winnie's hand in hers felt cool, not cold to be sure but cool, like a summer breeze through the linden trees around the Burrow. Nothing made sense, as far as Hermione could tell, as they walked a crooked path and before she could even spend the energy trying to figure out where they were again, Hermione opened the door to the Burrow and walked through, of course the linden had looked familiar, the smell of the garden and tiny voices of the quarreling gnomes were like an old cadence she knew so well. When they made it to the table, Hermione heard the familiar spring and tick of the clock Mrs. Weasley, Molly, had in the kitchen and saw that all the children were added, from Ginger to Octavia, all the older children to the newest and it made her heart burst. Turning from the clock momentarily, Hermione smelled a meat pie baking and saw from the corner of her eye that Molly was chopping potatoes for the roasted vegetables, humming as she did and cutting so quickly yet delicately it was difficult to discern if any of it was real.

"You see, Winnie, you have to cut this side down so there's no chance of it slipping and you nicking a finger. Lily, you try, Titus." The children were gathered at the long table, with blunted knives helping Molly prepare for what Hermione assumed was Sunday dinner. Out of the kitchen window, she saw a myriad of Weasley men and spouses, playing quidditch or juggling their children, including Ron and Harry, Ginny, even Fred, they were all together and it made Hermione's breath disappear. It was too much, whatever was happening, too many emotions, too much guilt, too real and yet unbelievable.

"Mummy, it's okay, it's only a dream. I wanted to see Poppy and Grandma again and thought you might like to see Dad." But as Hermione looked from her daughter to the door, she saw Ron and Severus together, discussing a move in chess and both with their arms crossed, Rose and James with them, listening aptly. Every emotion flooded her, every feeling of loss crippled what little resolve she'd had to just enjoy the idea that Ron, Harry, Ginny, Arthur, and Molly were alive and they were having a family dinner, as though the years of tragedy and loss had never occurred, though none of it quite made sense because Titus and Octavia would probably not be present and neither would Severus be, but somehow it all seemed welcome and normal in this fantasy or whatever was happening.

"Winnie, have you done this?" Hermione pulled her daughter close, enveloping her tightly in a hug she never wished to end and crying, as though it had been years since she'd really thought of her lost people, the ones she believed they'd gotten some justice for yet things still didn't seem fair.

"I try and see them when I am sad and you seemed sad."

"Thank you, dearie, I am not sad I just…" But Hermione didn't have the words for her current season of life, the happiness of adding two children, of her brothers-in-law giving them another niece, of Draco finding love again, of Lucius and Narcissa building a new life, of everything that had improved and strengthened since the trials.

"How are you doing this?" Hermione's voice cracked as she asked, afraid to know but far too curious not to ask.

"It's just a dream, I am showing this all to you in a dream. Healer Gibbons is here as well." Nodding and taking Winnie in her arms once more, Hermione sat on the ground next to the makeshift quidditch pitch, watching everyone go about what should have been a normal Sunday at the Burrow and relished in it. When she came out of the fog over an hour later, she didn't quite know how to speak, what to say, how to describe her experience. So she didn't, she rubbed her eyes.

"Winnie knows that she should never involve someone in a vision against their will but asked to give you this vision to ease your soul. She has been instructed on the laws regarding this power and how she might operate against someone's will, against their wishes. I apologize if this was something unwanted, but it was a power I could not describe to you adequately without an example." Healer Gibbons gave her several letters about the powers he'd witnessed with Winnie and the ramifications of abuse of power, not entirely helping ease her frenetic nerves.

"I understand." Hermione stated, though still a bit nervous about the power her daughter possessed. Sure, she'd known that Winnie was an empath and possible seer, but to create visions was another facet she hadn't expected.

"Until we meet again, Madame Granger." Hermione bowed slightly and took Winnie's hand, leaving the office and contemplating everything she'd seen.

"Did I make you sad, Mummy?" Winnie's tiny voice broke the stale and empty lift of silence, and Hermione could sense her distress like the dew before a storm.

"No, my darling, you did not. It's just been so long since I've been so close to Poppy and Grandma, your dad, uncle and aunt, it was glorious and real, though it wasn't." Standing at eye level with Winnie, Hermione smoothed her curls and looked directly into her yes.

"Let's get home and tell Rook about your new powers, I bet he will want to study you like one of his potions." And she was right, when they returned to Grimmauld Place, Severus was helping calm Octavia who was fighting sleep and reading Titus a story with the help of Lily, all cozy in the nursery. Immediately, Hermione reached for her tiniest girl and held her close, easing the mild annoyance of the baby before listening to the rest of Severus' story. When Titus and Octavia were asleep, Hermione left with Lily and Winnie to go to their room and tidy up. Severus eventually followed, giving Hermione a gentle nod and embrace, motioning for her to lie down and let him talk with and help the girls. Without hesitation she went to their room and lay down, stretching out and trying to breath evenly so she could sleep, missing the curve of Octavia against her chest and Titus' tiny hands in her hair, still she slept. Visions of Ron and Harry, their year in the woods trying to find horcruxes plagued her sleep, made it impossible for her to get adequate rest, though she did enjoy seeing her best friends in such definition again, as though they were in the room with her. Fitfully, she cried while she dreamt, sometimes not recalling what had made her so forlorn or even if it was sadness at all; when Severus tried to comfort her, he found her difficult to rouse, but knew from his conversation with Winnie what had happened at her therapy that day. He knew he would only add to her worry when he was able to tell her about Eugene Crawford in the morning.

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG**

"I don't understand why we needed to leave the house for you to talk to me about work." Hermione huffed as they landed in Diagon Alley, leaving their brood with Lucius, Narcissa, and Draco who were planning Hyperion's birthday party. She smoothed her hair back quickly as they entered a tea shop, following her husband through the doors she wondered why he was being so cryptic. He hadn't been this way in years, not since he first came to work at the Ministry with she and Seamus, not since their friendship blossomed again and his behavior became increasingly odd and at the time she'd had no idea why he was so ever-present, why he seemed to show up exactly when she needed him.

"Eugene Crawford has been found." He finally said after their tea orders were taken; Hermione understood immediately why Severus had not wanted to discuss this in their home or any great proximity to their children, especially Winnie who would go through the gamut of emotions that Hermione was currently experiencing.

"Found?"

"Yes, he was badly injured, they have him in seclusion at St. Mungos under heavy guard and protection. Madame Donnelley has filed a request that he be held indefinitely." Hermione's mind ticked quickly, faster than the wings of a dragonfly she digested everything he was saying, the head of the unit protecting creatures, Madame Donnelley, wouldn't be involved unless a species who'd recently gained rights or who were being targeted in speciest hate.

"Explain." The questions she wanted to ask all fell from her lips as tea arrived, cucumber sandwiches and treacle tart, raspberry mille feuille, petit fours and bakewell tart, she ate without concern for the odd combination of flavors or the piping hot tea; she simply couldn't imagine why Crawford was being held in such a way.

"Bill Weasley was one of the first to discover him in Morocco, he was working on a project with the government releasing a curse on a sarcophagus in Fez, they found him drained near the Jahwar river, living on filth." Severus tried to keep his voice down, though Hermione had worked early in her career trying to gain more rights for those maligned creatures, considered subhuman, on the fringe of society, the werewolves had been easier to work with since new potions had been created to help dampen their monthly ailments, but vampires, the group Hermione had worked hardest for, aside from house elves, were still so outcast that it was difficult to get general society to accept them as functioning, law abiding, contributing members of the magical community. Like werewolves, their need to consume blood was controlled by potions and synthetic blood alternatives, but it didn't seem to matter to most, vampires faced a long road before equality could be achieved. He took another drink from his tea, darjeeling with a splash of milk and sprinkle of cinnamon; it tasted like the air in Fez.

"Drained? What do you mean?" Her voice cracked, her worry was plain on her face.

"He'd been targeted by a group, outsiders angry that the government was refusing to budge on regulations for vampires, sorry Strigoi because they have been very clear about the distinction, coming in from other magical communities, the years of bureaucracy before they could get legal status, they didn't even know he was involved in the LeStrange and Dolohov mess." Her brow furrowed, she wanted immediately to see Crawford, to question him, to figure out what this group thought they'd achieve by hurting someone who was no longer head of the government and had very little influence.

"Doesn't it seem awfully...I don't know, bold?" She finished her tea in one large gulp, thinking of the caffeine she had sworn off since she'd discovered she was pregnant with Octavia and since her birth, fears of a cranky baby who wouldn't sleep suddenly hit her as she tried not to imagine a destitute Crawford, dying on the banks of an ancient river in a place he'd probably never been.

"Can we go home? I need to feed Octavia and get my thoughts together. I promise to shield myself." Immediately she could sense his own worry. "I'm not going on a crusade for Eugene Crawford, I promise." But he knew his wife, he knew the inquisitive and determined look on her face, he knew exactly what she would do once they were home, but surprisingly he was was a month before she even mentioned Eugene Crawford again and then another fortnight before she asked Draco to write up some paperwork considering the treatment Crawford was receiving, and when Octavia sat up for the first time completely on her own, on Hermione's desk at the Ministry aided by Hermione's delft hands, Hermione had freed Crawford from the hospital, remitted to care in his own home, protected instead of harrassed by the government.

"I thought you weren't going to free Crawford." Severus quipped as they worked together on a brief for three refugees who had served during the Second Wizarding War who were still seeking citizenship in the United Kingdom.

"Well, I wasn't at first, not until I met with him." His eyes turned sharply to hers, seething with fear, anger, the spark of betrayal. "That was idiocy. Did you even consider your children? He's newly turned, he could've taken every drop of your blood in moments. Why would you unnecessarily put yourself in that situation, with nothing to gain, simply to help a man who doesn't deserve it?" It was as though all their years together had been for naught, that he didn't know her at all, and it took all of her power to consider that he was reacting as a parent, a protector and not the rational being he was normally. It reminded her immediately of the night following the Moulin Rouge, how they'd fought and dug into each other, she hadn't seen this side of him for so long, this judgmental side that made her feel foolish and childish. Instead of reacting to his words, she counted and breathed deeply, thinking of Titus' new obsession with Rose's old roardies and Octavia's first tooth, the way it snaggled out onto her lip, the girls and their bouncy curls, their rapidly growing vocabularies and imaginations, Rose, Albus, and James, their quidditch and chess rivalries, and Teddy, he'd just asked Victoire to marry him. She delighted in those thoughts as she tried not to give in to the paranoia and audacity of Severus second-guessing her decisions as though she didn't consider every angle, every detail, as though she hadn't gone to his home with back up and armed to the hilt, as though she hadn't corresponded with him many times before going to ensure he even wanted her involvement.

"You put yourself in danger unnecessarily, Hermione. We didn't...I didn't...You made impulsive, irrational choices without even considering your family or what would happen if you-"

"I am trying very hard not to respond to you right now, so please stop, you are only making it more difficult for me not to respond and I do not want to say what I am thinking right now." Shuffling the papers in her hand, she shoved them quickly into a folder and marked it immediately, standing and pushing her chair in rapidly before moving to her office and slamming the door. She needed to calm down, but the hard knock at her door reminded her too much of worse times, times before they were able to speak civilly to each other after the chaos of the wreck, the death of her family and birth of more, and she didn't want that kind of fight with him again, both saying hurtful things to each other. She tried to put herself in his place, to consider her actions from another angle but she was so angry about his assumptions that she couldn't stop seething. Memories from the time at Hogwarts, when he'd pushed her away so harshly, telling her to go live her life- it all made her angry, his continuous belief that he knew what was best for her, as though she could make no decisions on her own that had any merit. Without pause, she stepped into her fireplace and flooed to the basement where most workers arrived, then stood for a moment, wondering if it was best to leave Severus in the office, but she simply couldn't face him in the moment. She didn't want to go home, though she wanted to see her babies, she didn't want to go back to the office, so she made a bold choice; she went to Hogwarts.

"Things have been incredibly hard since Octavia was born, with Winnie and Lily growing into their magic and Titus is showing all the signs Winnie did that he will be an empath as well. It's just," She took a breath and cleaned off the gravestones, using her wand to tidy them all up, more had joined them since, she hated to see how many people from her days in the war were already gone, "it's times like these I wish I knew how to make the right choices." Crying, her eyes already sore, Hermione traced Ron's name, Ronald Bilius Weasley, over and over trying to recall good moments with them. Since Winnie had shown her the dream vision, seeing all of them together in Molly Weasley's kitchen and garden, it had been difficult for Hermione to shake the guilt of moving on, of loving Severus so deeply and having his children, raising them all together as siblings because she didn't know another way. She questioned all of her choices, she worried for the first time in a long time that perhaps she'd made a terribly rash decision that May, the anniversary of the war and how she'd told Severus everything, perhaps the only thing holding them together was the thread of their soul call, the desperate cry of her soul for his. What if it was simply a ruse, this connection, a way they'd convinced themselves not to be worries about what had been done to truly end the horrors of the Dolohov Ring plagued her.

"Rose is quidditch captain this year, she's going to play professionally I think, like her Aunt Ginny. I don't worry about her so much now." Hermione blubbered, sending her patronus to Grimmauld Place, wiping her face fiercely, then standing and going into the school, making sure Sinistra knew she was visiting the kids. She saw James and Rose briefly when they were gearing up for quidditch practice and then Albus and Scorpius in the library, researching some herbs for Professor Longbottom's class. It was a relief to see them, to check on their progress and make sure they didn't need anything. After watching quidditch practice for a bit, she apparated from the gates to Grimmauld Place, bracing herself for the barrage of Severus' reaction, but when she walked through, she found Narcissa reading to Winnie and Lily, just finished with dinner, and Lucius with Titus in the loo, reminding him to wash his hands as they were trying to potty train him still, Octavia was in her cot, fast asleep and there was no Severus to be found.

"He's not here dove, Draco mentioned something when he brought the girls from Hawthorne's that Severus was still at the Ministry." Hermione nodded and folded herself into Lucius' arms, like her father Lucius was strong but soft, able to comfort her in times of distress like all the years of smug animosity had never happened.

"He is quite angry with me, about Crawford." Lucius immediately nodded in comprehension, just like the Moulin Rouge, he'd been instrumental in her machinations, doing research for her and making every effort to ensure her safety, he'd even gone with her this time in the flesh.

"It will all right itself, I'm sure."

"Of course, it always does." Wiping her eyes free of new tears, she squeezed him tightly and thanked them for watching the children, pulling Titus into her arms as they all piled together in the girls' room, reading one final story before tucking them all in, taking Titus to the nursery where he whispered gibberish to her as he fell asleep. Like clockwork, Octavia awoke for her last feeding, giving them both moments of calm, concentrated comfort as they rocked together.

"I hope you will not have the sight, my dear, nor be an empath. I fear your brother and sister Winnie will have such difficult lives." Kissing her brow lightly, Hermione stared deeply into her beautiful onyx eyes, truly Severus' girl, and started to hum, eventually moving to the bedroom, shifting the blankets and lying down with her, casting safety spells and rubbing her tiny back as she nursed, more for comfort now than sustenance, and they slept. Severus never came home; the next morning when she got the girls and Titus ready for school, she made them all lunches and put them in their knapsacks, walked them to school with Octavia safely tucked in her sling and then went to the Ministry, she needed to make sure Severus was alive and finish the paperwork for the refugees and get it filed, but surprisingly when she walked into the office, she found Draco and Seamus sitting in the conference room discussing a new case, the paperwork for the refugees neatly stamped and sealed.

"He must've finished it before he left." Draco called out as Hermione took the folder to her office, a mess of paperwork on her desk that had been left neat and tidy the day before, her filing cabinet was strewn open, her desk turned out.

"And when was that, that he left?" Hermione called out, her office destroyed. Draco came through with his tea, almost spilling it but definitely dropping his jaffa cake.

"What the hell, Granger." She shushed him, covering Octavia a bit before taking her from the sling and putting her in the box cot on the sofa.

"Did he do this?" Draco asked, helping her gather files, putting them back in order with the flick of his wand.

"I don't know, but I'm assuming, he was very angry with me last night." She wasn't surprised when she saw Draco's eyebrows raise, as though perhaps he'd gotten an earful of Severus' displeasure.

"I can't believe he'd do this, he must've been looking for something in particular." Draco picked up several books, put them on her shelf, worried as much about her as he was Severus. This did not seem typical behavior.

"Bring Natasha to dinner on Sunday if you can, I want to ask her about the scout coming to Hogwarts next week." Hermione couldn't stay in her office another moment, annoyed that someone, most likely Severus had been going through her things. The thought of Natasha, Draco's fiancee, did make her smile for a moment before she was inundated again with the folly of her marriage.

"Seamus, we need to file the Dawson report by Tuesday, but it needs to be viewed by the Minister first, can you get that to her office today?" Both men simply nodded as she put Octavia back in her sling and left in a huff, off to find her husband. She thought of the bracelets he'd made them years ago, wondered if he still wore his and if this was a way she could find him, but she didn't have to look much further than the canteen at the Ministry. He was sitting with Lucius when she walked up to them, sure she'd never seen him more ashen than when he was dying in her arms in the Shrieking Shack, as though he simultaneously had not expected to see her nor be in the situation. Lucius pulled a seat out for her and took Octavia, as the proper grandfather he'd become and left them.

"I don't know what to say to you." Hermione uttered quickly, stumbling over her words. He was obviously in the same place, needing to say things, worried they'd say things they either didn't mean or couldn't utter aloud.

"Why didn't you come home?" He folded his arms, his face paled further, and she thought of her office, the disarray, she tried to read his emotions but found static, she didn't bother trying to read his mind, she found barriers as soon as she even prodded a little bit.

"Severus, if you don't want me to be here, I will leave, but this is no way to act in a marriage."

"No way to act? You visited the home of a newly turned vampire, who could easily have held a grudge towards you, unassisted-"

"I was not unassisted."

"Stop trying to justify your behavior. Your cavalier attitude-" Hermione silenced him, completely aware that sitting in the commissary, arguing would do them no good.

"We are at an impasse, are we not? You think I've been irresponsible and I think I've helped someone who was a casualty of something he was not directly involved with. You think I purposefully put myself in danger, I went aided by some of the finest duelers I know and aurors, I was never alone with him, he had been drinking potions and artificial blood for a week before my visit, he has never had human blood...but why am I bothering, you've obviously made up your mind to hate me." She wondered where Lucius had gone, where her tiniest girl was and how long it would take her to get home, change back into pajamas and cry on her bed.

"I could never hate you, but this was...you...I am not going to live forever, you will be alone with no one to protect you." He finally said, his face buried in his hands, the crux of the matter appeared. He thought of what Percy and the others had almost done to her, the abuse, the images of simulated rape, the thought of Crawford biting her made him jealous and vengeful but also extremely mournful, fearing the hurt she would experience and the shame of society.

"No one lives forever."

"Eugene Crawford will, unless he's staked through the heart and he could've turned you, you would've had to leave us. You would've…"Hermione was still so angry she couldn't understand why this was his concern, that she would've lived longer than him, by centuries. But that wasn't his concern, it had been losing her permanently. They'd had little time together in the grand scheme of things, he hated to even imagine having to live life without her.

"How could you be so foolish? Our children are young and I'm a good father, I admit I could always do more and be better, but I am not you and my heart, Hermione I could never replace you and I don't want to, the very thought drives me to rage. I have made sacrifices, ones you cannot imagine, to ensure our safety and you think more of saving one man than our children, your family, me?" She paced next to him, she couldn't sit, she couldn't stand still, she worried effortlessly about her ruminations of the soul call; is that why he was so concerned? Their souls were so tethered he would never have peace until she joined him in death- how was that a way to live? Of course she'd thought of her family and all the sacrifices they'd made over the years to bring peace, but she couldn't let him rot in prison when it wasn't his fault all of it had happened, nor was living a life in a different type of cage one she wanted for anyone who deserved freedom. For a moment, she remembered her old concerns about what had happened after the trials had begun, and it confirmed, even in the smallest sense, that Severus had been involved, that his surprise at the events, at least on some level, had been a fraud.

"I can't do this in the commissary. Come home or don't, I am so disappointed right now and confused, I need to find my baby and go home." In three steps she was gone, the tether severed metaphorically. She found Lucius with Octavia in her office and burst into tears immediately.

"He would do anything for you, my dove." Lucius rocked Octavia slowly, she was cradled in his arms like a package he wanted to protect with all of his being, like he'd held Winnie and Lily when they were small, but Hermione needed to hold her and feel the connection again.

"He won't trust me."She felt like she was overreacting, she felt as silly and idiotic as he mentioned the day before, but she was more sure than ever that they needed to see someone, work through some of the trauma, that they both had expectations of the other that were unspoken. She knew these things to be true; Dolohov had wanted her magic and her dead due to the prophecy, after Voldemort had been killed, the remaining Death Eaters had found a way to steal power from and raise a new kind of Dark Lord, one whom could only become corporeal due to a shared essence with Harry, one who had inhabited the mind of a killer, and then, they'd contrived a way to get good people involved, to convince good people that what they'd be doing was for the greater good. Everything after involving the good people was chaos, from killing her family to trying to frame the LeStranges, it was all about power and trying to restore some classist order back into the magical world, and her husband and Lucius had ensured that it wouldn't happen, whether the good people thought it was justified in the end. Knowing all of this somehow did nothing to assuage Hermione, it only made her more confused and angry, wondering how it was fair for her husband to take justice into his own hands.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

After a dinner of roast and veg, Hermione played in the garden with the children, Titus trying his best to keep up with Winnie and Lily as they chased butterflies. Octavia bounced in the little bouncer Charlie had charmed for her, but all stopped when Severus came through the kitchen door, changed into his more casual clothes he looked like he always did, at least to the little army of Grangers who ran to him immediately.

"Rook! Where have you been? Titus peed on the rose bush and Mummy had to put him in time out and Ava said Da, and Rook, you didn't read me a story." Lily jumped against him, begging to be lifted into his arms, at four she was the spitting image of Ginny and Lily Potter, bright green eyes and red hair, fiercely determined but kind. Winnie simply watched him, holding his leg but staring into his eyes long before giving him a proper hug.

"Octavia spoke? And Titus was naughty?" Winnie tugged at his sleeve and he bent down, catching her hug and Titus' before coming to one of the chairs next to Hermione and watching Octavia bounce.

"Da!" She shrieked, as he kissed her sweet forehead, Hermione didn't quite know what to think, he looked a thousand times better, not ashen or angry, he seemed quite at peace. She listened as Titus tried to tell him about some toy he wanted from the toy chest in Rose's room, probably another stuffed lion, but Hermione could not get over Octavia calling him dad, over and over.

"No Da, Rook, Ava." Lily kissed her sister's cheek.

"Just like Winnie calls me 'Seb' and your other siblings call me 'Rook', Octavia can call me 'Da' if she'd like. Your brother has before and it makes no difference, I will answer to all of them."

"Let Winnie have a turn, Lily." Hermione charmed the butterflies again, letting the girls catch them in little nets, watching again as Titus tried to catch up with them. She turned to watch Severus interact with Octavia, wondering how he'd been able to temper himself, when he met her eyes, she saw momentarily her parents.

"You went to my parents' house?" She asked him, he only nodded and took Octavia in his arms.

"They are coming tomorrow to meet Natasha and I wanted to speak with them before they were here." Wrinkled nose and brow, Hermione started to say something, but watched Octavia smile in his arms instead, the few images she'd seen of Eileen Prince echoed in her daughter's face.

"I simply wanted them to know that I was a fool, that I'd done something foolishly, and that we might need them to be here to watch Titus and Octavia every now and then."

"To see someone, for help?"

"Yes, we have things that need to be said, in a safe place, with someone who can handle the veracity of us, our linked souls, the tragic and beautiful past we share. It seems some of it is finally catching up with me."She wanted to reach for him, to admit that she should've at least told him about going to Eugene Crawford's house, but she chose not to, instead she bit her tongue and saved those words for therapy, for help from someone wiser than both of them.

"I can never promise not to lose my temper again, but I can say that…" But he paused, because he didn't quite know how to put into words the things he need to and wanted to say. He kissed their daughter again, he brought one butterfly purposely to each girl and Titus, and looked to Hermione, "I am sorry, for more than I can verbalize right now." He knew those words would not fix things, but he said them not only to let her know he'd made a mistake and to admit his own failings.

"I am too, really." Her tears started before she could try and stop them, but she let them fall, hoping that they would always be able to eventually find each other, that that was the real tether of the soul call, not that they were forced together in such a way that they could never love another or live alone, but that they would always have the protection of the other, that they would want to love the other, that they chose to love the other not that they were forced.

"Da!" Octavia said again, Hermione didn't know if any of the children would call him dad, but she was glad to hear that word again, from a mouth so innocent and sweet. When the sun began setting they went inside, helped the children get cleaned up for bed, then slept, their armistice in place until things could be sorted. She found herself cuddled in his arms the next morning, never more sure that it was her place and always would be.

 **SSHGSSHGSSHG Years Later**

"Dad, I can't take her with me, everyone will laugh." Octavia pulled the stuffed lion from her trunk, putting back on her bed along with most of the little lion's Titus had borrowed from Rose, Reginald and pink, the unicorn Winnie couldn't live without for so long.

"No one is going to pick on you with so many siblings and cousins, you have had to withstand years of abuse and they know it." She giggled, Hermione's same giggle with his mother's face.

"What if I'm in Gryffindor? Titus won't even talk to me and Hyperion, he's head boy, in Hufflepuff."

"That's right, he's a hufflepuff, just like your Teddy, and if you're in Gryffindor, well you've a whole family of lions who would gladly support you. We don't care which house you're in, Ava, just that you do your best."

"You don't mean that, you know you want a Slytherin." Rose joked, coming through to help Octavia pack the rest of her trunk. She was playing heading out for another training season, playing chaser again and waiting for the next World Cup where she'd been promised a spot for the English team.

"He has a Slytherin." Albus chimed in, following Winnie and Lily into the small room on the third floor, next to Rose when she was home.

"True, my first Slytherin." Severus looked between the children, wondering where James was, it was a tradition after all to see all the siblings off to Hogwarts now that the older ones had graduated.

"Only Slytherin. No, sorry Octavia Valentyna, our fierce Ava, you are going to follow Titus, Winnie, and Lily into Ravenclaw, Winnie already showed us." All eyes turned to Winnie, who looked sheepish for a moment then laughed as James finally joined them.

"What's the point of having all this power if I never get to use it?" Her bright eyes shined a bit brighter when Severus looked momentarily proud.

"You know the rules, Win." He admonished, wanting to be sure none of her classmates tried to use her to gain access to anything or for her to try and seek their friendship or allegiance because she was gifted.

"Yes, Rook, I know, I can't use my power to see test answers or tell people their futures, whatever, but this is different. Besides, what I see is not set in stone, Octavia could ask for another house." She snuggled her little sister, then shared a secret with Lily, the little game they'd been playing for years, telling each other all kinds of stories.

"You never remind me of rules, Rook." Titus folded his arms across his chest like his father, looking as imposing as his father did, though with Hermione's sweet eyes and freckles.

"Because I haven't needed to, but you are welcome to the lecture. Now, where is your mother?" Hermione popped in just as he finished, presenting a package for Octavia, one for Titus, and one each for Winnie and Lily, her children still at Hogwarts.

"Aren't you two going to be so lonesome without any ankle biters in the house?" James joked, remembering for a moment what it had been like to live at Grimmauld Place with his brother, before Lily was born, when it was just he, Albus, Harry, and Ginny, it seemed a lifetime ago.

"Teddy will bring Theodosia around when he can, and Rose and Alby, you're in and out all the time, Jamie is the only one fully moved out and still, he's at Uni, you come home for dinner at least once a week. We'll never have a moment's peace." Hermione joked, but she loved having the house full, loved seeing the people she and Severus had helped raise and create grow and mature, bring more love to their lives than she could ever have imagined.

"Let's get some sleep, tomorrow will be hectic." She hugged all of them, listened as they continued to talk once she and Severus left the room, walking down the many stairs to their room, emptier now that there was rarely anyone in the nursery. Hours later, after they'd gone to bed, Hermione felt a presence in the nursery,shuffling and maybe once a giggle, so she went through the door only to see Winnie and Lily asleep on the enlarged sofa, which they must've learned in transfiguration.

"Mum." Winnie called, as Hermione turned to leave the room.

"I thought you were sleeping?" Hermione sat next to her on the sofa, smoothing her red curls from her face, seeing hints of Ron for a moment in her hazel blue eyes, thankful she'd made it to her fifth year of Hogwarts without melting down.

"Do you remember when I took you Grandma's kitchen?" Winnie asked her mother, not surprised by Hermione's immediate change in demeanor.

"Yes, of course."

"I go there every now and then, see them because it helps me, make sense of things, I guess. Poppy loved some weird things, like who doesn't know what a rubber duck is? Any way, I saw something the other day." Hermione eye's filled, thinking of Arthur, how much she missed him. At first Hermione hadn't realized that Winnie was building up to something, but knew it immediately when she met her gaze.

"Yes, sweetie, what did you see?" Winnie's own eyes filled with tears and it frightened Hermione. She hadn't seen Winnie cry like this for years.

"When Dad, Rook was dying, I heard him ask you to let him die. I saw him save you while you were in school, I saw the bond." Winnie touched Hermione's cheek and showed her mother exactly what she'd seen, troubling Hermione, terrifying her in fact. "I don't blame him, Mum, his life, I don't know how anyone survives that. But, it's real you know, how you feel, how he feels, I can see it. When I look at you, there's this tether, this shimmering line that exists between you, it has existed for a long time, always I think, and when you brought him to the infirmary and he begged you so many times to let him die, he was begging you to let him live, too. I just thought you should know, I remember being small and seeing you with him and wondering what that shiny, bright string was that followed you both around and I thought all people had those, but they don't. So few people have what you have, Mum, don't fear it." When Winnie released Hermione's cheek, the removal of her fingers was electric.

"We always knew you could read our minds, see our thoughts, I was so afraid you would experience everything we did when things were so bad, but look at you my little seer." Hermione kissed both of her cheeks, trying to breath through the magnanimity of Winnie's words.

"Goodnight, Mum.I love you." Hermione replied in kind, slipped back into the room with Severus, and thought over Winnie's words all night, restless in sleep that finally came, wondering how she had missed all the years that there had been part of Severus begging for life as well as death.

The next morning when all were escorted to King's Cross Station, they said goodbye to their children, the youngest at least, then went to lunch with the family, a bit affair that had also become tradition. But before they could apparate away, Hermione caught the sight of a bright orange dash, mangy, perfect, squishy-faced Crookshanks jumped onto Octavia's lap. She saw Titus recognize the family familiar, one they'd heard stories about for years and years; immediately, Hermione was reminded of her Nonny and how Crookshanks was their protector. Although it did make her a little leery thinking that Crookshanks was needed to protect her children, but it was clear with two empaths Crookshanks would be welcome; she smiled broadly

Charlie and Billy cried as Ginger also left for the first time, the others were all happy to have children in their last year or simply to see family for lunch. Lucy and Molly had even come, their mother had been convinced that Hogwarts was the best place for the girls even with everything that had happened with Percy. At some point during lunch, Severus grasped Hermione's hand under the table.

"What is troubling you?" He asked her, his lips perilously close to her ear lobe.

"Winnie showed me something last night, it was just...closure, I think and Crookshanks, he joined them on the train. He's come back to keep them safe. I'm happy, are you?" He leaned in again, looking over her shoulder at Albus and James, fighting over the last breadstick, and Rose settling it all while staring at Scorpius, who winked at her.

"How could I not be?" Squeezing his hand back, Hermione was thankful for him, for the years they put into trying to forgive and move on, to live fully, and not sacrifice the living for the dead as George had said to her all those years before. There lives had become something neither had expected as young people, but that didn't mean that it was any less glorious than they'd imagined, not that Severus had ever really put stock in life being anything but miserable until he'd died and come back, found the love of Hermione Granger, become a father and even grandfather, honorarily, as though he'd gotten a second chance, an alternate path from the one he'd traveled most of his existence to the waking dream he experienced most days, his wife by his side, his children markedly happy and healthy, his freckled bunch just as Hermione had predicted; it was exactly what he'd wished for on the stars, every night, every single star a single wish for the happiness he now knew.


End file.
